-
Day 6: Introduce Characters Powerfully
Reply to post your assignment
-
4 Replies
-
DAY 6 Subject line: Mary J Andrews CHARACTER INTROS
What I have learned doing this assignment is how it is possible to completely change a scene
and accomplish more with the characters…and how badly I need to learn to cut back the word count. This is a rewrite of the opening scenes after introduction montage. It now containing all three team members.(1 HR PILOT. PARANORMAL SCI FI)
INT. PLEASURE PLANET TANIVOL NEMESIS BRIDGE – 0800 HOURS
Gov. Special Dark Ops team leader, captain of the Nemesis, RAEL POINT (35), is no ordinary man. He mourns in minutes, anger dissolves in moments, he can barely draw tears, and knows no lasting elation. His temple plates glow, he smiles and leans back in his command chair. The main viewscreen displays an overview of Passion City as Nemesis drops gently into an isolated area designated for Gov craft.RAEL (RECORDING)
With towering touchdown trivets and multiple lift ledges for both public and private use, the main spaceport at Tanivol Is impressive. As pleasure planets go, this one rolls out the red all the way to the curb. We’re here to recover and return Gov. Ambassador Walter Dash who has been psi-jacked and left incapacitated just outside the gates of this port.Nemesis touches down and the image of two PLANET CONTROL OFFICERS appears on the screen.
OFFICER DINAK
Nemesis, This is officers DINAK and BANKS of the Planetary Retrieval Bureau. As per Dark Decree, we’ve been assigned to return a Government Ambassador into Universal Government control.Their credentials flash across the screen. Rael’s temple plates glimmer, as he engages the Hive compu-link implanted beneath his semi-short platinum hair. Multiple screens flash into existence alongside the communique: verification charts, times, days, reports of custody information, background info of the officers, records of their assignment…
OFFICER DINAK (CONT’D)
We’re just outside the gate if you’ll pass us through. Rael’s temple plates flicker and the image of the officers sitting in a hovering delivery van appears. They turn their vehicle to verify the presence of the Ambassador strapped to a gurney.Rael’s temple plates flash again at his use of his compu-link, only this time Lightning fast images confirming the officers credentials and identities flash directly through his mind.
RAEL
Very well, you’re clear. Nemesis is parked in dock 3.OFFICER DINAK
We’re on our way.Rael closes the line and abandons the command chair. The door to the main corridor slides open, again, his temples flicker, as he activates ship-wide communications.
RAEL
Company coming, folks. They’re bringing the ambassador to us. Meet up at the cargo bay exit.Team’s Healer/Assassin/Strategist, LAYNALD LOCKHEIM (a smart 53), dashes into the corridor checking and adjusting one of his many hidden weapons
LAYNALD
Who are these people? Why’d you let them approach so quickly? We haven’t even had time to verify their credentials.Rael rolls his eyes and calls out to IRA HAZE (early 20’s) who is just stepping out into the far end of the main corridor.
RAEL
(to Ira) Put on your Wall Master gear and meet us downstairs.
(to Laynald) There. Ira will put the fear of God into them when they see him. Good enough?Laynald shakes his head.
LAYNALD
You’re the Captain, but you could stand to be more cautious.The two of them head for the freight lift around the corner.
FADE TO:
INT. NEMESIS CARGO BAY – CONTINUOUS
Laynald and Rael approach the Nemesis’ main exit. The ship’s Com activates.NEMESIS (FEMALE V.O.)
Rael, a vehicle is approaching. I scan three humanoid inhabitants.Rael, smiling, activates the ramp. Outer doors slide open to allow it to roll out until it touches the ground.
RAEL
(to Laynald) Don’t you ever get tired of being so suspicious all the time?Rael steps onto the gangplank to welcome the officers pushing the gurney with the ambassador toward the ship. Halfway up the ramp the ambassador lets out a horrifying scream, Rael reaches out to grab the wavering gurney.
Officer Dinak raises a stunner and fires at Rael who disarms him while dodging. Dinak body slams them both from the ramp while officer Banks tries to barrel into Laynald with the gurney.
Laynald dives off the ramp to where Rael is and pegs Dinak with a tinctured dart. Dinak drops like a rock.
Ira reaches the door and grapples with the gurney, managing to send it safely into the cargo bay with its occupant still howling in pain. Banks freezes at the sight of Ira.
OFFICER BANKS
A Wall Master!Banks backs away, stumbling. Ira speaks softly, his words echoing through Banks’ mind. The hood of the tailored sable Wall Master’s robe falls back to reveal Ira’s multifaceted eyes marking him as a rogue talent as well.
IRA
P-a-i-n.Banks collapses to his knees clutching his chest.
From where Laynald kneels next to Rael, he loosens another dart and watches Banks fall on his face.IRA
You didn’t need to do that. I had him.LAYNALD (SMILING)
Sometimes I just can’t help myself.Laynald strolls over to the hover-van. He checks it out. It’s empty. He scans it with a small unit from his pocket
Ira shrugs and points to Rael, managing to sit up by pushing his attacker off him.IRA
You all right, Captain?RAEL
I’ll live, but it certainly won’t be because I was paying too much attention. What the hell just happened? From within the ship, Ambassador Dash’s screams continue. Laynald returns to the Captain.LAYNALD
(to Ira) Get the Ambassador to sickbay, will you? See if you can make him stop that racket.Ira leaves. Laynald extends an arm to Rael and helps him up.
LAYNALD (CONT’D)
Let me take a quick look at you. Any pain?Rael shakes his head. Laynald pulls a tiny flashlight out of his pocket and shines it in Rael’s eyes.
LAYNALD (CONT’D)
I’ve already notified the Planet’s deportment bureau. They’ll have them on their way to HIVE Labor Planet before an hour is out. So tell me, what did you learn today?Rael heaves a heavy sigh.
RAEL
Must we? I triple checked their creds. Everything about them was golden. But who expects anyone to be stupid enough to ….LAYNALD
I don’t know why these Bozos thought they could pick a fight with a Gov Special Ops team, but we let a stranger knock you off your own ship. We jeopardized our mission, and risked the life of the Ambassador. What the hell happened?FADE TO:
INT. NEMESIS SICKBAY – CONTINUOUS
Ira stands with his back to the door. He raises his attention to the lights and they dim to a soft glow. Slipping off his gloves, he sets them on a table by the door and approaches the man writhing on the gurney.
The ambassador whimpers and strains against his restraints, completely unaware the Wall Master looms over him.
Ira braces for the assault physical contact will bring. In full control, upon flesh-to-flesh contact Ira’s ethereal essence whooshes into the ambassador like rolling smoke. Their minds join and they become as one.
Reeling forward, Ira almost collapses upon contact. The ambassador’s wailing ceases. The room grows deathly silent as both men freeze in place. It takes all Ira’s strength to tear himself away and to return to his own body.
Again in the sickbay, the lighting flares, and Ira, trembling and gasping, pulls away from the ambassador. He stumbles halfway toward the door before his legs give way, and he drops to his knees.
FADE OUT.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Mary Andrews. Reason: found errors
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Mary Andrews.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
-
Mary and Rich’s Character Intros
What I learned doing this assignment is that the intro is so important, must be memorable to attract an A List Actor.
Looking at other possibilities takes us out of the box with our structure.
List the beats of your current character introductions for the lead characters.
MORTY (Action shows primary traits, Other character’s reaction to this character.)
Show feet walking down a hallway, an oddball pair of sneakers stands out
Show GenX man entering classroom filled with teens
Forced to sit next to a punky loner, he isn’t afraid to ask him to stop tapping.
JAX (Situation demands the character – GenZ foil to Morty’s GenX)
Sleeping in class, he is the teachers nightmare. He tells Morty he should get another partner or fail.
Select a different type of introduction from this list below for each character.
Write out the beats for each NEW character introduction. Make sure it delivers as much character as possible through the initial action, initial lines of dialogue, initial description and the situation you place the character in.
Types of Introductions
6) The reveal opening.
Morty driving Mabel to class, he’s late and makes a bad entrance. Car backfires a minute before he comes in, people chuckle at this.
OR Morty has Asbergers, mumbles inappropriate things.
3) Build the Character’s reputation.
Jax talks with teacher before class, she responds like family – his Dad and Bella have served in combat together and she is like family. Given his Dad’s stand-off-ishness she is the defacto Mom he never knew. His punky leather jacket saves his seat in the back next to only open seat.
Write a scene that introduces at least one of those characters using the results from #2 and #3.
EXT – CAR – NIGHT
Along a street-light lit road into the local Community College, an old beater roars and breaks the silence. A GenX man MORTY ANDERS has the steering wheel in a death grip as he careens past walking students. His worst nightmare is coming true – first night back to school and he’s VERY late. He is breathing hard, seeing this as another failure in a long line of misfortune in his life. Sliding across 2 parking spaces, he gingerly locks the car, buffing out a handprint on the fender. A rusty section falls off at his feet, he kicks it under another shiny new car next to him.
-
Subject line: Elliott Williams Character Intros: April/ Brent
“What I learned doing this assignment is…” – Even if you think you have a cool character intro, there are always other options.
Beats For April’s Current Introduction
1) April is having a standing seizure at the front door of her home, covered in muck and filth.
2) April wakes up in a tub of ice. She’s shocked and pissed that her mother obviously medicated her while she was unconscious.
Different introduction
1) Abigail hears noises in the house. She thinks it’s Brent, but she doesn’t hear a response. Abigail goes back to what she’s doing, but she hears the sound again, goes to the basement, and sees a dark figure, odd hunched shape, it’s moving through papers In an odd way. Abigail screams. The figure lurches erect, rushes to Abigail.
2) April apologizes to Abigail for scaring her. April asks what she’s doing there. Why isn’t she at school? April was trying to surprise them, but she got distracted by something. Abigail seems to disbelieve her, April stops the questioning by making the conversation about them never trusting her. Abigail drops the subject.
INT. HOME – LIVING ROOM – DAY
ABIGAIL is vacuuming the floor, the living room looks as if a hoarder lives there, magazines and articles stacked randomly, but it’s still neat. She seems to hear something, stops and turns off the vacuum. Nothing. She continues again. The noise is louder. She stops again.
INT. HOME – BASEMENT – DAY
Abigail turns on the basement light, but only a dim light comes on at the top of the stairs. She calls out.
Abigail
Brent!
She hears a scratching noise. She goes down the stairs to the edge of the darkness. She strains to listen while she searches the dark. Her eyes land on a shape in the dark.
Abigail
Brent! Are you ok?
The figure lurches to a stand and lunges toward Abigail, she screams.
A young woman, April, (23), dirty, disheveled, something off in her eyes, as she looms over a shaking and cowering Abigail.
April
Mom, are you ok? It’s me.
Abigail
What are you doing here? Why didn’t you say anything?
April
I wanted to surprise you and Dad. I got distracted.
Abigail looks on her crack head looking daughter in shivering disbelief.
April
Would it kill you to trust me for a change?
Beats For Brent’s Current Introduction
1) Brent comes to dinner extremely gaunt. He seems happy to see April, at first. Abigail and April seem nervous to engage. Then, later, Brent tells April she has to leave in the morning.
Different introduction
1) Brent comes to dinner, consumed with scribbling symbols on dirty cardboard scraps. He doesn’t even notice April’s look of horror at his gaunt appearance. He’s trying to solve a puzzle. When April says hello, he can’t hear her, at first, but her mother gives her a pitiful look and looks away. The mother knocks on the table and Brent snaps out of his obsession. He switches his demeanor instantly, almost as if he’s another person. April is shocked. Brent says “Let’s eat.”
2) At the end of dinner, Brent’s personality shifts again. He calmly and coldly tells April she will be leaving in the morning. He can’t have her in the house. April and Abigail are totally thrown by this. His word is final. And as if a switch flips, he leaves going back into his scribblings.
-
Piper
Piper, early 30s, sits in her small office. It’s quiet in her office as she is consumed by the papers before her on her desk.
Her office door has a small crack so that she doesn’t see much of what is happening in the hallway and no one really sees her.
All of a sudden, laughing and socializing break out into the hall interrupts her. She looks out the small crack in her door and tries to see if she can see what is going on in the hall. She gets up, walks to her office door, puts her hand on the doorknob, hesitates…then turns around and goes back to her chair.
The light above her flickers.
She’s afraid of being looked at unfavorably. She deeply feels unlovable. She’s stuck in a painful place and wants to get out of it .
Joel
Rocker type. He’s an outsider. His dress is clearly different from the attendees of the party.
He used to live in a small town in Louisiana; however, his ‘New York’ license plate means that he’s left town. But why?
He doesn’t say ‘Hello’ to anyone at the party. In fact, he avoids any type of contact with the local folks.
He loves his job and is there to do a job. He has a new life, and he expresses this with his new Maxima.
Mixie
She prances through the party hall parking lot like she owns the place, and no one challenges her rulership. She’s pretty, thin and acts like a superstar.
Upon entering the hall, a couple of men rush to open the door for her. She gives them her big smile.
She never lets up because she needs to feel important…needs to feel like she’s better than the rest.
She enjoys putting others down to make herself look better. She only listens to other people so that she can gossip about them later. She’s plastic. People seem to be attracted to her popularity so they can look good, too; but, no one has a real relationship with her, not even her boyfriend Corey.
Corey
He manufactures confidence on the outside because he’s afraid of looking bad, looking like a failure. He thinks he too good for certain people and his actions let these people know that he thinks they are trash. He’s afraid to be next to people he doesn’t think is worthy of him. He’s outstanding at manipulating a conversation off of him and onto someone else…someone’s else’s faults…because it makes him feel better about himself.
Corey walks looks at two groups of people at the party – a poor-looking group and a rich-looking group. He approaches the rich-looking group and moves away from the poor people as much as possible.
An interestingly-dressed-looking woman accidentally bumps into him, and he makes a horrified face at her and moves quickly away from her. Once he returns to his group, he says all kinds of nasty things about her.
Alessia
Piper’s Guardian Angel in a human body because Angels don’t have bodies. They are pure spirt in reality. She’s peaceful. She’s not afraid of anything or anyone. She speaks truth all of the time to help Piper. She can see the snakes no one else sees and she says what she has to say to them and that’s it . She immediately responds to Piper’s prayer request for her. She knows Piper’s pain. She loves Piper to death.
Log in to reply.