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WEEK 2 DAY 3 WHAT I LEARNED REWRITING MY SCENE/CHARACTER
You’ve watched today’s scene and read the group’s insights. Then you rewrote a scene/character using those insights.
Tell us what you learned by taking those steps!
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3 Replies
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Coach Denzel’s assault on captain Gary was powerful and got what Coach wanted: dominance over the team. I think this sets up a great opportunity to show coach having some insecurities needing to be hidden in his aggressiveness. Bring up a previous wound which affects his future. Race is an obvious conflict. A new coach and reigning team captain have a lot of potential challenges to overcome and build a better team in both success and personal growth.
Captain Gary’ arrogance came from somewhere; where and from whom, and how will it affect his future. Gary’s eventual submission in this scene begs for future passive-aggressiveness from him and his teammates.
I have a scene where the villain blackmails the mayor to join his kidnapping ring. My old scene had the villain dominate the mayor from the first words and the mayor just does as he is told. Mayors are powerful people. I am rewriting the scene to have the mayor demand respect for his potential contribution and a large say in the future of the ring. From here I can build a troubled relationship filled with conflict and treachery which may or may not resolve before they are all killed in the end.
Here is the end of my new scene:
Bob is the kidnapping ringleader. Sheriff Mike has been discovering his kidnapping suspects are being eliminated in a serial-like killing by strangulation with Zip-ties. Some think sheriff is killing off suspects, some think Bob is killing off competition.
MAYOR
This just boils down to blackmail? Sex scandals and politicians go like peanut butter and jelly. You can’t just get my help that easy. My wife knows what I do. This is nothing new and would drop from the news in a couple days.
Mayor throws his decades of confidence in Bob’s face.
Think about how it would influence your reputation. I am ready to retire anyway. One call from me to Sheriff Mike and you are locked up for rat meat. The media and public would make me their savior for exposing you forgetting all about my little party video. They would erect a statue in the park of me. You would be just the final city enemy I slayed.
Bob interrupts Mayor and gives him THE LOOK.
BOB
Or we just kill you now.
Bob holds up a Zip-tie “ZIP.”
Mayor looks over at Joe, perched as the man-eating tiger to pounce. The arrogance on Mayor’s face slowly drips down like candle wax. His shoulders slump.
MAYOR
How much money am I looking at?
Bob scribbles on a napkin and slides it to Mayor. Mayor reads it – his eyes open wide.
Mayor gulps another shot.
MAYOR
What do we do with Mike?
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Michael Williamsen.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Michael Williamsen.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
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What I learned rewriting my scene/character?
I learned that the power struggle in my romantic comedy can be intensified. This gives plenty of comedic possibilities to grow out within the scenes. The characters can then reveal their traits creating more conflict, competition and at times friendly rapport. A friendly power struggle is what I guess I need to take my story to a new level giving me a new understanding of the characters.
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What I learned from reading peer comments, re-writing my scene and character is the difficulty in getting to the deep conflict and building change through increments. My main characters must go through gradual change. Each stop on the journey must be a small part of the destination. The early drafts have a lot of the big picture elements but just require a little more finesse. Some of the changes I am looking for cannot be added until further drafts. But I am starting to see how each scene is standing on its own as an individual unit yet working toward an end goal that comes in movements. My scenes are choppy but as the drafts progress I can use the transitions to smooth out the journey for the reader.
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