-
Day 15 Assignment
Reply to post your assignments.
-
8 Replies
-
Ian Greenham: Amazing 3<sup>rd</sup> Act
In doing this assignment I had the opportunity to work with a very well thought out and presented approach to ensuring that the ending of my script was the best it could be.
1. Lauren, a private investigator who’s gay, just coming off a broken two-year relationship, is asked by her boss, Cal, to track his wife, Sylvia, an architect, whom he believes is having an affair with another man. Sylvia picks up on Lauren trailing her, and confronts Cal, who has Lauren fired. When Lauren tells of her dismissal to her father Cliff, a construction manager who knows Sylvia through work, Cliff confides in Lauren that Sylvia is also gay. Cliff calls Sylvia to express his disappointment at the way Lauren was treated. Sylvia goes to Lauren’s apartment to apologize. There begins the slow and tortuous development of an amorous relationship between Lauren and Sylvia, encouraged by Cliff, who believes that Sylvia would be a good partner for Lauren.
At a couple of points throughout the story, both Lauren and Sylvia confide to close acquaintances that throughout their lives they had yearnings to raise a child, but were discouraged from doing so by issues with their then current partners.
2. After a serious setback in the fledgling relationship between Lauren and Sylvia, precipitated partly by Sylvia’s uncomfortable transition back to her gay self after being married to Cal for fifteen years, Lauren’s father, Cliff, sends his deceased wife’s former bisexual partner, Rose, to counsel Sylvia on her gender insecurities. This helps Sylvia overcome those insecurities, and she goes to see Lauren, for a passionate reconciliation. The reconciliation is celebrated at a dinner at Rose’s home with Rose, Cliff, Lauren and Sylvia.
3. & 4. To produce a stronger ending, I added a final scene where, a year later, Lauren and Sylvia are together in their apartment adoring their newborn baby. The confidences above, where both Lauren and Sylvia tell close acquaintances of their desire to raise a child, were added in to better set up that ending.
-
Bob’s Amazing Third Act
What I learned doing this assignment is that the movie will constantly be changing as reviewing later scenes requires going back and planting seeds in earlier scenes.
Acts One & Two Recap
Amanda Cole believes in reincarnation and soulmates. As she and her husband, Martin, celebrate their tenth anniversary on Thanksgiving 1987, she laments that in some incarnations she and Martin “miss” each other and marry someone who is not their soulmate. Martin, though a skeptic, engages Dr. William Volger (a PhD therapist with a specialty in far eastern religions) to create a program designed to assure he and Amanda will recognize each other in future lives. Before they complete the program, Martin and Amanda are killed in a tragic accident.
Twenty-five years later, Jeff Ash (reincarnated Martin Cole) has a chance meeting with Rebecca Diamond (reincarnated Amanda Cole). He immediately is drawn to her and knows, on some level, he is meant to be with her. Unfortunately, he meets her during her bachelorette party, and she doesn’t remember him. After some searching and reconnecting with an older Dr. Volger, Jeff continually tries to convince Rebecca that she is his soulmate. Seeing that there may be a connection between Rebecca and Jeff, Rebecca’s fiancée Ken steps in and hires an out-of-work actress (Sally) to convince Jeff that she, not Rebecca, is Jeff’s soulmate. Between confusion caused by Sally and his desire that Rebecca be happy with or without him, Jeff professes his love for Rebecca and leaves her.
Act Three Beats
INT. SALLY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Jeff returns to Sally’s after saying good-bye to Rebecca. He doesn’t feel drawn to her like he was to Rebecca but is willing to entertain the idea she is his soulmate.
INT. GWEN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Rebecca is spending the night before her wedding at Gwen’s eating ice cream. Rebecca discusses how Jeff’s idea of soulmates is romantic.
INT. SALLY’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Jeff finds 3 x 5 cards with information about Martin and Amanda along with surveillance photos of himself. Sally is a fraud.
INT. MATT’S CAR – MORNING
Jeff gathers Matt (his best friend) to assist him. With Matt’s help, Jeff heads toward the church to stop the wedding.
INT. GREENWICH VILLAGE CHURCH – DAY
Arriving at the church, Jeff and Matt discover the wedding was moved. The priest doesn’t know the new location but reveals that the church was paid a sizable sum for its trouble. The payment was made by an older man in a bow tie – Dr. Volger.
INT. DR. VOLGER’S HOME OFFICE – DAY
Jeff confronts Dr. Volger. Volger admits to being paid off by Ken to provide the information used by Sally to convince Jeff she was his soulmate. Jeff presses to find out where the wedding has been moved to, but Volger doesn’t know. Jeff asks to be hypnotized and progressed into the future to find the location.
JEFF’S VISION – CONTINUOUS
Volger hypnotizes Jeff and progresses him. Jeff finds where the church is but, in the vision, Ken says he’s too late to stop the wedding.
INT. MATT’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
The high-speed chase-type attempt to get to the church in time to stop the wedding when dealing with New York Thanksgiving Day traffic.
INT. LIMO – CONTINUOUS
Rebecca and Gwen heading to wedding in the same area dealing with the same New York Thanksgiving Day traffic.
EXT. BROADWAY AND 51<sup>ST</sup> STREET – CONTINUOUS
Rebecca and Gwen, in wedding attire, abandon the limo and attempt to cross the parade route to get to the church. The scene resembles the Act One opening scene when Amanda was trying to cross the parade route in 1987.
INT. MIDTOWN CHURCH – DAY
Jeff bursts into the church just as he hears the priest pronounce the couple married. His shout is too late. The bride and groom turn to face him – it’s Ken and Gwen.
EXT. MIDTOWN CHURCH – CONTINUOUS
Jeff speaks with Gwen. Rebecca had second thoughts as to whether or not Ken was her soulmate.
EXT. MATT’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
Matt asks Jeff his plans. Jeff says he’ll give Rebecca some space for a little while.
INT. STARDUST DINER – DAY
Jeff looks at a menu in the diner where Martin and Amanda celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary. As he does, he hears a voice. It is Rebecca. She is dressed in Gwen’s Maid of Honor gown and is quoting a line said first by Martin twenty-five years ago.
FINAL IMAGE
The reunited soulmates kiss as the camera moves out through the diner window and catches glimpses of the parade as the Snoopy balloon floats by.
The Seven Rules
PREDICTABLE – Having Rebecca and Jeff get together is inevitable in this type of romantic-comedy. Having him fail to find the wedding on the first attempt and having to hypnosis to progress to discover the new venue hopefully puts the ending in some jeopardy.
NO SURPRISE – Having Jeff be unable to stop the wedding holds some surprise. Having the bride be Gwen and not Rebecca is another surprise. This second surprise needs to be hinted at throughout the movie, so while it is unexpected, it makes sense.
MEANINGLESS – As with other movies of this type, destiny has triumphed, and soulmates meant to be together are reunited.
SMALL CLIMAX – There may be ways to enhance the magnitude of the climax through additional revision. I will continue to look for ways to do this.
ON-THE-NOSE – Some of the dialogue in the scene outside the church after Gwen and Ken get married may be on-the-nose. This will be looked at with a dialogue revision.
DEPARTURE – The ending delivers on the main story of destiny. The Ken and Gwen story should resonate with the Jeff and Rebecca story.
-
Mary Emmick/Elevate Your Ending
What I learned doing this assignment is to look for ways to elevate the ending of a script. There are multiple ways to do this.
The first act has Isabel Zuccotti, a high school senior, dating Tyler Cramer, the son of Senator Ted Cramer. At the beginning Isabel is a bridesmaid to her sister Marjorie who is marrying Tyler’s brother Nathan Cramer. At the end of Act I, Tyler and Isabel break up.
The second act involves life during Covid-19 in a small farm town. Isabel’s dad is a wheat farmer. Her parents Tom and Debbie Zuccotti do not want to wear masks or get vaccinated. They get most of their information from conservative news. Debbie gets Covid and has to be intubated and then put on a ventilator. Isabel makes friend with a black girl in her history class named Jackie McCutcheon who invites her to her home where her mom leads a book discussion group on the book Caste. Isabel’s world is opened up and she works to understand injustice and what is important. She meets Victor Sanchez at a town meeting where Maria Gonzalez is speaking about farm worker rights. They become friends and campaign together for Maria’s campaign for state senate. Isabel has a retinal detachment of the left eye and has to have surgery. During recovery she writes a song called “Look Away,” a song about looking away from injustice.
In the third act Victor Sanchez has been taken away by ICE. He had been set up by Senator Ted Cramer because Victor reported his sons, Tyler and Nathan, to the police for stealing Maria Gonzalez’s campaign signs. Maria Gonzalez’s office was vandalized by Ted and Tyler Cramer. Maria Gonzalez makes a call to an attorney friend Carmen Martinez who works for the attorney general in Olympia. Carmen Martinez is able to free Victor from the Northwest Processing Center. Victor returns home and he reunites with Isabel.
Senator Ted Cramer is arrested for the illegal set up of Victor by ICE as well as for campaign finance violations. Tyler and Nathan are arrested for stealing Maria Gonzalez’s campaign signs and for setting explosives in her campaign office to hurt her chances and help their dad’s chances of winning. Isabel eye is improving. She gets accepted to U.W. where her friend Jackie is also going in the fall.
Final Scene: Victor and Isabel rise up in the air together in a colorful hot air balloon. They kiss.
Trouble Shooting: One thing the last scene was missing was to bring the protagonist (Isabel Zuccotti) face to face with the antagonist (Tyler Cramer). I added a short scene where Isabel walks out of Maria Gonzalez’s campaign office. A police car pulls up to the intersection. In the back seat are Tyler and Nathan. Tyler and Isabel’s eyes meet…
-
Pam’s Amazing Ending
What I learned: I realized my original ending for TANGLED UP was a bit too on-the-nose. I posted a new alternate ending below.
– – – – – – –
SET-UP. Celebrity hairstylist HENRI BERGER is a rising star at the prestigious Beverly Hills Marc Riche Salon, and the planned keynote speaker for the International Hair Show. His new convertible’s California vanity license plate on Rodeo Drive sums up his life: “STYLIN.”
Character intros: MARC RICHE, narcissistic salon owner; movie star BRADLEY JAMES, his supermodel wife TIFFANY, Henri’s best friend from childhood, JARED; his grandfather (PAPY), who he plans to buy a place for once Marc makes him a partner.
In the salon: a misspelling of his name on a signature hair product delivery sends Marc into a rage and he throws out the case. Marc and Henri prepare Bradley and Tiffany for the salon’s Celebrity Fundraiser planned for later that day. Marc later apologizes to Bradley for “not having any of his favorite product available.” At the Beverly Hills Gallery Fundraiser, Marc has good news: their supplier has dropped off a fresh supply— he asks Henri to take some out to Bradley’s Malibu house, so that he can freshen up his style before attending the fundraiser.
When Henri arrives at Bradley’s house, he witnesses his shocking murder. With the help of Detective Kurt Stone, Henri is relocated to Vermont for his safety. He lives and works incognito as a dog groomer, all the while vowing to find out who was behind the hit — and to return to his Real Life once the Bad Guys are behind bars.
Henri’s Vermont contact — and only other person who knows his secret — is conservative dog salon owner CAMDEN PARKS, who shows the less-than-enthusiastic Henri the ropes. When Camden’s sister, ACADIA, meets Henri at the local dog shelter that she manages, she thinks he’s a bit much.MIDPOINT. Henri discovers that he was the intended target of the hit. And Marc was behind it! But he can’t prove it. And he definitely can’t return to his Real Life.
A new rescue with horribly matted and tangled fur needs an emergency makeover, and Acadia turns to Henri. Both the mutt (GoodFella) and Henri are transformed. He forms a connection with dogs — volunteers time at the shelter, plays with dogs in the yard. He also becomes close with Acadia. Together, they plan a Doggie Adoption Fair at the local park. But as he and Acadia grow closer, he is increasingly uncomfortable with living a lie.
PLOT POINT 2. Henri and Jared hatch a plan to gather more proof. Meanwhile, he introduces new cutting-edge styles at the dog salon. His furry coiffures accidentally go viral, and his cover is blown. Bad Guys begin to close in.
CRISIS. It’s the day of the Dog Fair. While Det. Stone is on his way to Vermont, he tells Henri to remain hidden in his apartment until they whisk him safely out of state. Knowing those he cares about may be in danger, Henri disobeys orders and heads to the fair —with every intention of telling Acadia the full truth about who he really is.CLIMAX. Henri uses his wits and the help of Det. Stone to defeat the Bad Guys in a showdown at the Doggie Fair. Before he can tell Acadia the truth, she is kidnapped. Henri saves her, but she feels betrayed by his lies and doesn’t want anything more to do with this “imposter.”
He’s crushed as he heads to NYC for the final face-off against Marc. His calls to Acadia go straight to voicemail. Henri publicly humiliates a surprised Marc at the International Hair Show. He provides the recently-obtained incriminating proof needed to Det. Stone, who tells him that he’s “now free”. Henri tries to reach Acadia, voicemail again. He’s says, “It’s time to return to my Real Life.”
RESOLUTION. INT. DOG SHELTER. Henri shows up at the dog shelter to beg Acadia’s forgiveness and adopt GoodFella. He tells her that Camden has made him a partner at the dog salon, so he’s here to stay. Acadia is resistant, she wonders when he’ll return to the calling of his “real life.”
FINAL PAGE. Henri tells Acadia that his life with her is “as real as it gets.” Referring to himself, he asks that she “give this stray another chance.”
She finally lets herself trust him and they kiss. In the parking lot, he introduces her to his Papy.
FINAL LINE/IMAGE. They all get inside Henri’s slightly-dented Subaru. The rear view as they drive away: dogs’ heads hanging out the car’s windows, and Henri’s VT license plate which reads: “STYLIN.”
– – – – – – – – REVISED
MIDPOINT. GoodFella gets adopted after Henri’s transformational makeover, giving Henri’s dog grooming job new meaning.
RESOLUTION (NEW). EXT. DOG SHELTER. From a distance, Acadia sees some new volunteers throwing tennis balls with dogs. She heads out to investigate. It’s Henri and his grandfather, who holds a puppy from the shelter.
Acadia is surprised, but still cold towards him. Henri starts with small talk, introduces Papy and tells her that Camden made him a partner. Builds up the courage to say that “he really hopes she’ll give this stray another chance.” Acadia looks at Papy holding the puppy and then back at Henri. She apparently misinterprets and says “Yes. Every dog deserves a good Forever Home.” Henri says softly “I was talking about me.”
FINAL LINE. A beat, then Acadia says, “I know.”
FINAL IMAGE. Henri in driver’s seat of car, Acadia in passenger’s. Papy happily in back with his new puppy and Acadia’s Yellow Lab.
The rear view of Henri’s slightly-dented Subaru as they drive away on a country road: dogs’ heads peeking out the car windows, and a VT license plate which reads: “STYLIN.”-
This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Pamela Rice.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Pamela Rice.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Pamela Rice.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Pamela Rice.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
-
Johnny Cullen’s – Amazing ending.
I believe the majority of my ending already ticked the boxes apart from the final page which really now wraps the film up nicely. It’s nice to put it back in perspective.
——-
Intro/Opening – Diarmuid Plays Emerald Fist With Newly Anointed Stepfather Richard Makes Him Feel Inadequate- Flashforward Diarmuid As A Failed Cheating Influencer Craving Adoration.
Inciting Incident – Father Gets Arrested For Fraud At Half-Sister’s Birthday. Diarmuid Must Find Money To Bail Their Father Out Or He Will Have Custody Of Maeve.
The Solutions – Diarmuid Tries To Get A Loan, Ask Rich Friends, Calls His Mother To Explain The Situation She Says “Richard Had It Coming”
Diarmuid Reaches Out To Successful Friend Kevin For A Loan He’s Denied.
Locked In – Diarmuid Enters The Emerald Fist Competition With Maeve Through Desperation (Influencer Opportunity? )They Begin Training Together. Maeve Gets A Period … All Goes Well.
Mid-Point Twist Until Kevin And Diarmuid’s Roommate Are In Cahoots. Maeve And Diarmuid Prepare To Battle Them Their Relationship Strained. Diarmuid Looks To Pursue His Influencer Career. Mother Returns To Take Maeve Back.
Falling down the mountain Maeve Goes Missing With Mother -. Diarmuid Steals Maeve Back Diarmuid Confesses They Need To Win His Ego More Dominant (She Looks To Cheat Like Diarmuid Did When He Was Younger).
Climax They Fight Their Way Up Loser Brackets (Montage). Maeve’s Gamepad Gives An Advantage. They Make It To The Final. Maeve Gets Caught Out. Diarmuid Claims Responsibility. They Lose.
Resolution – Richard Gets Sentenced But Their Mother Pays The Bill. Moment Of Forgiveness. Maeve Lives With Richard And Diarmuid In Her Apartment.
Final Page – Diarmuid And Maeve host their own Twitch Stream while looking after Richard.
—-
Final Page Revised – Diarmuid And Richard Play Emerald Fist Again – With Diarmuid In A Compassionate But Powerful Position.
-
REWRITE – DAY #15 – RAE’S AMAZING 3RD. ACT
What I learned from this assignment is I am so far behind I will be shortening
these assignment exercises to a more concise version and completing this course
at a later date. I’m sorry but I will not be exchanging scripts at the completion of
this class for my work schedule does not allow.
The ending must be surprising but inevitable.
The ending must be larger than Act 1 and Act 2.
The ending must be filled with meaning that has been well set up.
Must express and resolve the main conflict in some way.
Some kind of satisfying conclusion.
Keep us guessing to the very end.
Beg. of Act 3 main character is at his/her lowest. Now they have to face their
worst fear. Bring conflict to the boiling point.
ASSIGNMENT
1. Write a paragraph or two telling the set-up from 1st and 2nd. Acts. With the
specific set-ups that are paid off in the 3rd Act.
2. List Current Structural Beats of your 3rd. Act in your Post.
3. Go through the 7 rules- check to see if low on the quality
4. SCAN work powerfully.
5. MOST IMPORTANTLY IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF YOUR ENDING.
PLOT POINT 2: A major twist that sends the story towards it’s final destination.
CRISIS: The Decision Point – the dilemma of movie is FORCED ON Protagonist.
CLIMAX: Bring the Protagonist FACE TO FACE with the protagonist.
RESOLUTION: Show effects of the climax. Tie up loose ends.
FINAL PAGE: The final minute to deliver the MOST important meaning of movie.
3 ACT SET UP:
Jesi Johnson’s life is predictable life. She lives with her father Jackson, sells
residential real estate, also dabbles in her father’s construction business, fixes
everything from pipes, to toilets, to roofs.
She likes her independent single life, is not adverse to marriage, but definitely
does not want kids. Then when Jackson has a fatal accident even the handsome,
attending surgeon does not have what it takes to soothe Jesi’s grief. Bombarded
immediately with her father’s bills, Jesi jumps into commercial real estate to ramp
up her income and becomes the lone saleswoman in a male dominated office,
with huge income potential. An uphill battle ensues with her male competition,
and top producer Henry Woo her main rival. Besides this the new commercial
broker tells her if she marrys, she no longer has a job. But for now, she needs the
big income because Jackson’s bills are piling high.
Three months later Jesi’s loneliness kicks in where Jackson’s Sinatra record
collection no longer soothes her. Doctor Gerard’s calls, notes and orchids finally
get her attention. She agrees to a first date. That night she falls hard for Gerard
and it is mutual. He proposes before dinner, and then they serendipitously bump
into Gerard’s friend a fellow doctor and marriage celebrant. The celebrant
marries them on the spot, under the lights of the intimate patio. Next morning,
Jesi panics. She already has one apartment building sale in the works plus two
new apartment listings. Although her love is real she tells Gerard she does not
have time to get the marriage license and make their wedding vows legal.
Gerard is unhappy but agrees to keep the marriage secret. But two months later,
after Jesi working like a fiend, he gives her an ultimatum. The real estate job or
him! But he also has his own secret for he has not divulged he has an obnoxious
nine-year-old boy. The more business Jesi writes, the more the hidden marriage
starts takes it’s toll. But the big income is hard to give up with the huge amount
of medical and gambling bills she’s being hit with.
Jesi’s sales explode, but by now she realizes what she had with Gerard. She goes
after him but finds him with another woman not knowing it’s his niece. Finally,
she confronts her broker Jason, tells him what he’s doing is illegal and she will
marry when she wants, but he already knows about her marriage, warns her that
her job is at stake Plus, how can she leave with four big deals in the works and
rival Henry Woo ready to take over her deals. Jason confesses he knows Gerard,
says he has a nine-year-old boy. Jesi charges from his office hurt and angry, slams
into Gerard who just arrived and is looking for her. Jesi calls him a liar, calls their
wedding a scam and then call the whole thing off.
THIRD ACT STRUCTURAL BEATS:
1. Jesi and Gerardd are at a stand-off.
2. Gerard tells his son Julian he and Jesi are married. The boy rebels, gets a
mohawk! Gerard knows he needs to pay more attention to his son.
3. Jesi agrees to an intimate dinner at her sales rival Henry’s home – but says
no to him for she still does not trust him.
4. All of Jesi’s escrows are imploding – the sellers are threatening to cancel.
5. Jackson’s debtors are all closing in on Jesi.
6. Jesi realizes how much she loves and needs Gerard.
7. IRS agent Mr. Whipple works with Jesi to help her save a spiraling sale.
8. Gerard apologizes, even forgives Jesi’s medical debt. Jesi responds with
yes, I will meet your boy, and yes, let’s go get the license.
9. Harold and the good old boys give a send off at the Yacht Club before Jesi
and Gerard sail off to Catalina. -
Subject line: Neil’s Fast formatting!
What I learned doing this assignment is adding the sound first demonstrates the surprise when the something unexpected happens. Cool way to add interest for the readers too.
EXT. MIDDLE OF THE RIVER – DAY
As the Humvees reach the halfway point in the river, Whoosh! An RPG comes out from bushes of the destination side of the river.
It hits low on the front of the lead Humvee, boom!, damaging the front-end badly, rattling, and concussion popping the ears of the four very shocked military members in the Humvee.
MSG Willis and Kennard are wounded badly. Bobo and Rojas are stunned and bleeding.
The occupants of Humvee #2 leap out into the knee high water and spray the jungle with small arms fire. Crack-crack-crack!
The deafening sound of small arms fire causes the cartel members to hit the ground. Giving a short break in the in coming fire on the Humvees.
Bill moves up to the damaged Humvee that is now smoking. He helps Bobo and Rojas to get out as they come under heavy small arms fire.
A sudden explosion! A second RPG hits the first Humvee Engine compartment, almost knocking out Bill as he was just starting to get Willis out of the driver’s seat.
Bill, somewhat dazed and bleeding, forces himself to recover and pulls himself out of the river.
He reaches in from the driver’s side door, snap! Bill flicks out his SWITCHBLADE, quickly cuts the safety belt holding Willis as bullets hit the Humvee door shielding Bill somewhat from the small arms fire from the jungle.
Sam runs over to help Bill float Willis to safety behind the burning Humvee. The others are firing wildly at the area where the RPGs are coming from.
Bobo pries open the back of the mangled Humvee like a man possessed with superpowers, grabbing bloody and unconscious Kennard from the burning wreckage.
Sam is behind the back corner of the Humvee dragging Willis as Bill lets go and helps Bobo get Kennard out the back of the burning Humvee.
Boom! A third RPG explodes below the front of the burning Humvee pushing the front end up and shifting the Humvee backwards and down in the river, trapping Sam underwater.
Bobo and Bill immediately drop Kennard. Bobo, straining, puts all his energy into lifting the back end of the Humvee to free Sam. Bill is unable to get her out.
Bobo tries again as Bill feverishly pulls on Sam. Suddenly she is free and floats to surface, almost looking drowned. Sputtering and spits Sam snaps to life.
Sam is pissed! She grabs her M-4 and jumps up on the hood of the second Humvee to get a better vantage point. The other members are returning fire into the jungle, crack-crack-crack!
The Cartel members see her crouching on the hood of the second Humvee.
With smoke getting thicker and swirling around Sam, she checks her magazine. She only has two rounds left. She slams the magazine into the M-4 and stands up. Tilting her head to one side and back again with extreme concentration.
The RPG shooter sees her stand up, and he steps out into the middle of the road, smiling. He slowly lifts the RPG to aim right at Sam through the smoke swirling around between them.
Crack-crack, Sam double-taps the RPG shooter right in the chest. Whoosh! Just as he squeezes this trigger launching the RPG dead-on, heading right at Sam,
Sam doesn’t have time to duck it happen so quickly. The RPG flies inches over her head, singeing her hair, and keeps going.
EXT. CARTEL TRUCKS SPEEDING ON DIRT ROADS – DAY
-The 2-ton truck approaches the river with the leader behind it. They don’t see the rocket, whoosh, flying straight for them through the smoke of #1 Humvee.
Boom! The rocket hits the 2 ton truck with all the cartel fighters. Dramatically lighting up the truck and its the fuel tank. Killing or injuring all the occupants of the truck.
The boss’s SUV almost runs into the back of the burning 2-ton truck.
-The boss watches as his support team is devastated by his own RPG.
-He yells to his driver to turn around as they are pelted with M-4 fire from the Humvees. They just barely escape. Catching fire from Rojas and Bobo as they seed away.
EXT. IN THE RIVER BETWEEN THE TWO HUMVEES – DAY
Crack-crack-crack! Rojas and Hartman, open automatic fire on the SUV as it takes off.
Freeman and Bobo are returning fire in the direction of the jungle, crack-crack-crack, where the small arms fire seemed to be coming from.
Two cartel members under fire, in the bushes, fade deeper into the jungle.
Rojas and Hartman hear a pick-up truck roar up the road. As it retreats down the road away from the fighting. Rojas and Hartman fire at the truck, as it gets away.
It is suddenly quiet. A distinct sulfur smell lingers in the heavy humid hot jungle air. No one is shooting at them. The group in the river cautiously collect themselves.
Whap-whap-whap, they hear something in the distance. Two Pave Hawk helicopters, are speeding inbound as the Army Quick Reaction Force arrives.
Everyone is relieved as they are able to get the two badly bleeding members out of the water. Willis is semiconscious and barely holding Kennard up, both sitting in the water from taking cover during the firefight.
Everyone pitches in to stabilize them.
FREEMAN
Oh yeah. I called for help the second we got ambushed.
BILL
Good job, Freeman.
Suddenly, both Helicopters open fire on the jungle around each side of the road. Then around the 2-ton truck that was burning.
FREEMAN
I better bring them up to speed.
Freeman gets into Humvee #2 and talks to the helicopters. They split and cover both sides of the river as Quick Reaction Force quick rope down on both sides of the river and set up a perimeter.
Sam jumps down. Bloody, singed and painfully runs to help get Willis and Kennard loaded in the helicopter. Bill gets dizzy and almost falls in the river holding his head.
SAM
Are you okay, Bill?
BILL
Just dizzy. Are you okay?
Sam walks around to look at Bill’s wounds, and she twists her ankle on the river bottom.
SAM
Ow! Damn it.
Sam grabs Bill. Bill manages to hold them both up. They look at each other, then start laughing.
BILL
We made it through another attack on our deployments. And you twist your ankle. Go figure.
SAM
Yeah, I have to twist my ankle after it’s all over. You look like you got some shrapnel wounds, buddy.
BILL
You look like you got your head singed girl friend. And you are bleeding too.
As the scene fades out the quick reaction team quickly takes over.
-
Rebecca’s amazing 3rd act/ending.
What I learned from doing this assignment. It reinforced the notes I already have for some tweaks and inserts and cuts. Although I was already happy with my ending overall, it gave me an opportunity to see where I need to tweak details with the smaller characters.
Act 1 recap
Rachel arrives late to her gig, a wild mess with paint in her hair, where Paul, her bandmate (hopeful love interest) awaits, while the band on stage holds the beat. She runs to the stage with Paul while letting him know that her Uncle has shot himself in the head and is dead. Later after the gig, Paul has an after party. Rachel stops by hoping for distraction. But she is angry at her Uncle Ben for killing himself and complains that she now has to make adjustments to her nearly completed memoir. But the real kicker is that she may have to find and confront her long-time estranged Mother with this information after having come to terms with possibly never seeing her again. On Rachel’s drive back to the farm where she lives and works her memories flood. This is where Beth, Rachel’s mom and little brother Willy are introduced. Beth was an absent single mom. Has to kidnap her son. Only to be kidnapped back to Puerto Rico, etc. Their story of the past (1970’s) unfolds along side the present, as Rachel acts out in avoidance through her paintings, drugs and alcohol and sex. Her Aunt Norma calls to see if she got the message about Uncle and helps find out where her Mother might be. Rachel after much recall and agony sets out to find her Mom.
Act 2 recap
Rachel shows up at her Mom’s house only to find an older quirky couple , Glenn and Sheila, living/renting the house. She turns back toward home having already missed band rehearsal but stops and gets trashed at a bar and crashes the truck before making it out of town. Gets towed and winds up on the steps of Glenn and Sheila’s. They take her in and she spends the night. At breakfast, Glenn lets Rachel know that he has taken her truck to his shop and it should be ready later that day. He has also found an old PO Box address – where they used to send rent checks pre Zelle. Rachel in the guest room remembers the whole incident of her brother’s kidnapping and how her Dad whom she’s only met once since 3 yrs uses her to find Willy. Rachel, on the road to find her Mom again, this new intention. Rachel calls Paul to let him know she’ll be back in a week. The long ride provokes more memories of Rachel’s shitty relationship with her narcissistic Mom. ie. left home alone at 6. Running away from home at 13. Getting an apartment and nanny job at 14. Being sexually abused. Picked up by the cops. Etc… Escapes and runs. Rachel winds up down south at a shitty motel. Next day makes it to the post office where she finds her Mom’s full PO box. Talks to the PO master who recalls Eleanor, an older woman picking up Beth’s/Mom’s mail. Rachel leaves her number just in case. On the way out she unknowingly passes Eleanor entering and then nearly knocks her over shortly after coming out of the store.
Act 3 Beats
After having received a call, Rachel arrives at Senior living/convalescent home where her mom is living and gets paperwork from receptionist. It’s after visiting hours.
She sneaks down the hall with her guitar and into Beth’s room only to find her Mom unconscious. Emotional. Recall continues, escaping Mom after being picked up by cops. Rachel recalls insecurities about singing because of Mom and plays her a song. Tells her Uncle Ben committed suicide, her “real” reason for coming. Eleanor enters and makes her leave. Rachel suspects this is the Eleanor who hid Beth and Willy after the kidnapping in 1972 and confronts her to no end.
Rachel returns to visit Beth the next morning. Brings Eleanor a coffee to apologize.
Rachel in Beth’s room, tries to make light of having to carry the conversation. She improvises songs that recall stories of her Beth leaving her at home as a 6 yr old child with the dog to baby sit.
Rachel hears giggling and opens the door to three older women listening.
Another day at the home. Rachel performs in the common room for an audience of old folks. Beth is wheeled in to listen but makes a rumble (temper tantrum). Eleanor wheels her out.
Eleanor is changing and cleaning Beth up. They have a conversation. Beth wants Rachel to leave.
Rachel on her way to Beth’s room overhears her Mom talking, speech labored and slurred, and runs to the restroom and has a meltdown.
Rachel paces outside the bar.
Rachel at the bar. Waits. Then leaves when asked if she wants her usual. There is a scene here earlier.
Rachel at a park. Wades in the water, takes in nature.
INSERT: LAKE SCENE FROM 70’s, teens playing music in a circle. Probation officer looking for Rachel who has just run off to hide having seen his car role up.Rachel calls Paul. Intercuts. He guides her and helps Rachel make sense of it all. NEED TO WORK ON THIS SCENE. Paul is her savior. He is stable.
Woman and children move away from Rachel who is cussing and ranting.Children’s ward in Mental hospital. (May cut this or move to later.) Rachel gets cigarette break.
Rachel back in Beth’s room. Mom still plays unconscious. Rachel plays along. Falls asleep.
Their memories coincide. Beth lands in Puerto Rico as a young women.
Beth arrives at Abuela’s house in the country. Tells her that she is taking Willy shopping for clothes and will be back for dinner.
Back to Beth’s room present. Convulsing and disturbed. Rachel asleep in the chair.
INSERT: Abuela, an Evangelist missionary woman of God, and Rachel 16 at Dad’s in Puerto Rico. Abuela questions Rachel about her mom being married to a nice Japanese man now. Asks if she plans to have another baby. Offers to raise that one too. Rachel glares at Abuela. Abuela smiles smug. Rachel jumps out of her seat and runs out.
Rachel in Beth’s room, jerks from slumber out of her seat to find her mom convulsing.Rachel hushes her.
1972 Beth and Willy, 6, at Eleanor and Frank’s house. Dark and candle lit. They care for Willy who is coughing, has Pneumonia.
MAY CUT THIS IT’S A REPEAT BUT FROM BETH’S POV THIS TIME. Back to the night of Willy not coming home from school with police over. Dad calls to say Willy’s back where he belongs. Beth hangs up with a curdling scream. Yells at Rachel for what she has done. Now Willy is gone forever. And it’s Rachel’s fault. Rachel runs screaming “Sorry” to her room.
Back to Beth’s room. Machines BEEPING. Tears rolling. Convulsing. Rachel scared and soothing Beth. Eleanor runs in with Doctor and nurses. Clearing Rachel from the room who becomes inflamed at Eleanor for not being honest with her about who she is.
Beth’s room. Next morning. Rachel all cleaned up recalls what she remembers to her mom, knowing that she is being heard. Reminds her mom of when they (Mom and Japanese step dad) made her go to Japanese school with 1st graders and how she stood at graduation twice as big and sang the mom song. She apologizes for Willy being taken away.
Rachel climbs in the bed next to Beth and wipes her tears away.
She quietly sings Okaasan, the mom song.
Beth takes Rachel’s hand and squeezes it.
Eleanor comes in the room and sees Rachel and Beth sleeping. She puts an envelope in Rachel’s bag and leaves.
Rachel’s truck pulls into a parking lot back stage of another fest. Parks.
Rachel checks herself in the mirror touches up her make up. Sees the envelope in her bag. Opens it.
Meanwhile Paul is heading toward her.
Rachel reads the note scribed by her mom’s shaky hand. “To my beautiful girl, I am very proud of the person you’ve become. Love Mom.”
Rachel, tears rimming, looks up to see Paul who opens the door. He takes Rachel’s hand and helps her out. Grabs her bag and guitar. He takes her in approvingly of her journey. They walk toward the stage. Rachel takes her hand. They disappear onto the stage. Crowd roars.
Roll credits
Rachel and band onstage. Welcomes the crowd. LIVE MUSIC. The crowd closes in. And there in the front row, Aunt Nina waving and smiling big. Maybe… Glenn and Sheila, too.
Log in to reply.