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Day 10 Assignments
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3 Replies
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I’ve taken the advanced dialogue class. I already had plenty of these:
INT. - HEN HOUSE - DAY POLLY You know how a skunk growls and bares its fangs? (beat) Then if the attacker persists, it turns its back like it’s ready to give up (beat)POLLY (cont’d) and then when everything looks lost, the skunk raises its tail and sprays - - right in the eyes! (beat) That’s why I love skunks. MOM You know the rule. None of the meteorite rock must ever leave our farm. Meff hears Polly’s words and hangs his head in shame. He has not acted like a skunk. -
Lisa’s dialogue 7-8
What I learned doing this lesson is that there is a way to improve things that aren’t great in my script.
there was a line “No thanks. I definitely wouldn’t pay for it with you.” and I changed it to “you want me to pay you? Get out of my office.”
<font face=”inherit”>I </font>changed<font face=”inherit”> </font>another<font face=”inherit”> line from “is there </font>something<font face=”inherit”> you’re trying to tell me.” to “no matter how juicy the burger, it’s still unethical and cruel.”</font>
<font face=”inherit”>I also changed the rest of that scene. I </font>might<font face=”inherit”> </font>change<font face=”inherit”> it again. Can’t decide right now.</font>
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It’s important that the dialogue grabs/interests the producer/reader, so I carefully went through to improve the dialogue.
7. DIALOGUE AS ACTION
for eg: in the Teaser: Crime Boss “You’ll do what I ask …if ya’ know what’s good for ya’.”
cont’d: he says”Listen darlin’ I am the leader of the Cock Road Gang an’ you’ll do as I say”!
Threatening to harm Harriet.
8. SUBTEXT: Audience knows that Elliot narrowly escaped being arrested by the Authorities at the Molly House, when his sister enquires what’s wrong, he responds with a no response and a misdirection.
Emily: Is there something else bothering you?
Elliot doesn’t answer.
Emily: You can always rely on my discretion.
Elliot: I know, thank you. I have a few things to attend to.
Elliot then escorts his sister out of his room.
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