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Day 6 Assignments
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Day 6: Settings that Add Drama
Lisa’s Amazing Setting
What I learned is that the setting can bump up the interest in scenes. It can give the actors something more to do. And it’s fun to think of all the possibilities.
EXAMPLE #1
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: Mary is trying to find Peter and Santa. She needs Violet to help her, but the bad blood between them must be put aside.
Setting: Community Center
AFTER:
New Setting: The National Woman’s Rights Museum that has a statue hall with realistic statues of the famous Suffragettes and you can move between them. Mary and Violet meet at the statues.
How this has improved the scene: It brings to life the idea of women sticking together no matter what. If they are going to reconcile, this is the place.
EXAMPLE #2
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: Peter runs into his ex-wife Mary and her father, Harry.
Setting: Main Street
AFTER:
New Setting: General Hardware Store
How this has improved the scene: The store gives all the characters many items to play with, buy, hold, look at to avoid eye contact. The setting makes sense because they all have items to buy for the actions in the script.
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DAY 6
Dev Ross – Amazing Settings
What I learned was that by changing the setting in two places, I found that I could deepen the content of the scene without having to add dialogue. Just my character’s physical and emotional connection to the new location spoke volumes.
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: Clay remembers a time of awe and glory – all given to him by his grandpa.
Setting: INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
AFTER:
New Setting: INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
How this has improved the scene: by putting my character at the kitchen sink, he now looks out into his backyard instead of the mirror. By doing so, we realize that he’s still living in the same house his grandpa raised him in. This deepens his emotional ties to the former Klan leader and to Clay carrying on his grandpa’s beliefs.
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: Clay buys a gun from an established shop.
Setting: EXT. GUN SHOP
AFTER:
Essence of Scene: Clay buys the gun from a local pawn shop.
Setting: EXT. LOCAL PAWN SHOP
Clay is well-known in his town, so buying a good used gun for cheap would make sense since the owner would know him, and because Clay doesn’t make much money. Also, the owner might be more likely to forgot to do the background check because he knows Clay and supports his beliefs. Also, just because of my own past history, it was a pawn shop owner who introduced me to his town’s KKK leader who I then interviewed.
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June Fortunato’s Amazing Setting Day 6 of Dramatic Devices for RETIREMENT
What I learned: I rated my locations. My locations are integral to the plot and characters- and the action depends on my characters returning to the same locations several times. (It’s also easier and less expensive to shoot at the same locations many times.)
The beginning locations of my screenplay deliberately mirror the end. Nonetheless, 6 of 105 might be improved with changes/tweeks. At least one will definitely change. Here’s my list:
Scene 4 Roy slams his stolen van into a PIGGLY WIGGLY
BEFORE: Intent to get Police attention Setting: Convenience store- which is funnier
AFTER: New Setting: Could be a police station How this has improved the scene: it’s more direct but too obvious and he can’t get his coffee
Scene 62 Definitely will change BEFORE Bus station with a cafe across the street where Suzy and lawyer have lunch Intent- to see if Roy will get off of the bus
AFTER New Setting:
Rittenhouse square. The church lady bus drops that gals off there and Roy gets out.
How it changes the scene- Earlier I established that Suzy and the lawyer eat at an extremely expensive restaurant, LaCroix at Rittenhouse hotel. There, Suzy can see Roy get out of the bus which is funnier, and a great metaphor because they look down on Roy AND Suzy and the lawyer have to run through the hotel from the second floor to catch up with Roy.
Scene 64 – probably change. BEFORE Atlantic City – a closet where Kim crashes for the night
Intent- lonely. AFTER Kim hides in a funhouse HALL OF MIRRORS. It feels unescapable, also wildly weird and incredibly lonely.
Scene 66 BEFORE car hitchhiking with a couple from AC to Philly tall tale to get a free lift back to town
AFTER could be a family camper. The kids would highlight what Kim has missed in her life.
Scene 81 BEFORE
Piggly Wiggly shoplifting lunch Intent-Kim shows Roy some good tricks. Mirrors beginning.
AFTER Could be the Reading Terminal Market near the Bronze pig It’s a callback to the Piggly wiggly, a twist and a great location
Scene 97 BEFORE – maybe- maybe not Roy takes Marilyn for a romp in her wheelchair on the hospital grounds Intent– to be freeing and run in open air Roy brings joy to Marilyn and help her feel alive
AFTER The dog park – Marilyn adores her dogs, so she could run (be pushed) on the track. Logistical problem is that wheelchairs don’t move well on grass or gravel.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by June f.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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Cameron Martin’s Amazing Setting
What I learned doing this assignment is…how to think creatively/critically about setting with respect to individual scenes, and that you can still maintain a restrictive budget while being creative with the setting. For example, in my first (only completed) screenplay, I had a lot of fun playing with settings that carried multiple meanings. One of these settings was the ruins of a football stadium, where peaceful monks lived and developed agriculture in the man-made valley. It was awesome for showing the connection of football to religion, the passage of time and transition of meaning, and was just plain cool to combine the image of football and rice fields in Asia. It would’ve also been stupidly expensive, and was probably one of many reasons I, as a first time feature screenwriter, couldn’t get the script sold. Taking lessons learned from that script, it was important to me to make sure the film could be shot on a MUCH more modest budget. Luckily, as this lesson teaches, a smaller budget doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice creativity, and a visually interesting setting that elevates the story’s themes and emotions can still be achieved.
General notes/thought process: For the most part, I feel most of the setting is fine. It fits into that 5 category in that it works for what the characters are doing. Honestly, most of the creativity is brought out through the characters themselves, where the combination of Sully’s inventiveness and Isaiah’s obsessive interest in the worms brings out unique aspects of the mundane that might not be observed by most with a first pass. However, for the purposes of elevating the setting to its most impactful, there are some trends I do need to do a better job in honoring. John Truby in his book “The Anatomy of Story” talks about setting and provides some umbrella concepts (Ocean, Forest, Jungle, Desert, Island, Mountain, Plain, and River) to help provide a purposeful direction to take a setting. Since this is supposed to be a horror story, I’m going to opt for “Jungle” as the setting, as this provides the feeling of claustrophobia and that danger can come out from anywhere. With this in mind, there’re a couple of scenes with settings that give the impression of wide open space: the cafeteria on the passenger vessel, and the walkway on top of the space colony.
Scene 1
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene:
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT (5)
Sully inches across the roof of the enclosed space colony in a ventilation suit, looking out for any other worms or spore nests. He walks over a weak point in the structure, but it manages to hold. Sully makes a mental note to avoid that spot in the future.
Setting:
Walkway on top of space colony, with a deforested alien jungle surrounding it.
AFTER:
New Setting:
Through the worms’ spore nest, that has enveloped part of the exterior of the space colony, like how a yellow jacket nest starts underground, but will expand above ground if left unabated.
How this has improved the scene:
Ratchets up the tension and unease a thousand fold. We go from having a clear view to an obelisk of potential swarming danger.
Scene 2
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene:
INT. SPACE SHIP – LUNCH HALL (1)
Markus and Apollo learn with the rest of the ship that their voyage has been redirected, and that the passengers are now conscripts to wipe out an outbreak of alien parasites and any survivors not in their designated bunker. Apollo wants to start a mutiny, but Markus wants to lay low and hidden.
Setting:
A plain-jane cafeteria (great if you’re looking for a minimum budget and effort)
AFTER:
New Setting:
Human feeding pen, like how we fit as much livestock as possible into the most cost-effective space to hold them.
How this has improved the scene:
Is it over-the-top evil? Maybe. But I’ve read enough on history to know this wouldn’t be the first time humanity has shown an inhumanity to itself, particularly with treating human beings like sardines (refer to The Atlantic Slave Trade, The Jewish Holocaust, Operation Priboi, current Chinese treatment of Uyghurs). It keeps that unease felt in claustrophobic surroundings, and further establishes the mirrored comparison of parasitic alien worms with an authoritarian form of governance.
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Anna’s amazing settings. DAY 6
What I learned from this assignment. I had neglected to add any descriptors from some scenes. It was as though I had dressed the main scenes and ignored the rest. The material has lots of potential to yield atmospheric curiosity-provoking questions. I am really glad I did this exercise, and hope that the descriptions help to sell the script.
SILENT NIGHT
Silent Night is set in the historic seaside village of Lyme Regis. It has been used to film a number of movies hit movies, including The French Lieutenant’s Woman.
I FAILED TO PUT IN ANY DESCRIPTORS WHICH WOULD ADD TO THE SCENE.
The scene heading is generic and does nothing to enhance the script. RATING 0
INT; DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY. ORIGINAL
STEVE enters and listens to the noise of running water.
Dylan, are you in the bathtub? It’s only 3 o clock in the afternoon! What’s going on, are you sick or something? You never have a bath at this time. What are you up to?
Steve opens the bathroom door. Alfie is in the bathtub looking rueful, with lots of bubble bath, towels, and water everywhere.
ALFIE: Now what are you going to do. How are you going to explain this with your not-talking thing going on?
DYLAN I don’t know what to do. I’ll wait and see what Dad says, and then try waving my hands around, it usually works. Though I’ve never had to explain a giant dirty dog in our bathtub before.
STEVE: What the blooming heck is all this? Who or what is that smelly animal doing in my bathtub. Dylan, for God’s sake, speak to me for once. Elizabeth Perkins is due over in an hour.
SCENE 1 CHANGES
INT. DYLAN/STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY
There are no descriptors here that would create the unique flavor and feel of the interior of a modest cottage. RATING 0
CHANGES KITCHEN AND BATHROOM
INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/DAY
The cottage is a small Victorian cottage. The back entry (from the garden) is into an almost claustrophobic kitchen. There are objects peculiar to British kitchens in older houses. There is a small washing machine under the counter, there is an ugly water heater mounted on the wall. There is a very small table and two chairs. The UK flag is illustrated on bunting which is frequently displayed indoors in the UK. The countertop is displaying a few classic British food products (product/sponsor placement). </font>The sink is typically located in front of a window. There is usually a small under-the-counter fridge. A photo of Dylan’s Mother is prominently displayed.
INT; DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY.
STEVE enters and listens to the noise of running water.
Dylan, are you in the bathtub? It’s only 3 o clock in the afternoon! What’s going on, are you sick or something? You never have a bath at this time. What are you up to?
INT.BATHROOM/DAY
The bathroom is typical of a modest older cottage. There is a pull chain tank toilet, an old roll-top tub, and a sink that is out of WW2. It’s probably white with wood plank flooring. and a seaside-themed shower curtain (mermaids?) shower curtain.
Steve opens the bathroom door. Alfie is in the bathtub looking rueful, with lots of bubble bath towels, and water everywhere.
ALFIE: V.O. Now what are you going to do? How are you going to explain this with your not-talking thing going on?
DYLAN V.O.I don’t know what to do. I’ll wait and see what Dad says, and then try waving my hands around, it usually works. Though I’ve never had to explain a dog in our bathtub before.
STEVE: What the blooming heck is all this? Who or what is that smelly animal doing in my bathtub. Dylan, for God’s sake, speak to me for once. Elizabeth Perkins is due over in an hour. What in heaven? Why is there a donkey in my bathtub?
ALFIE
Alfie barks and wags his tail. Soap bubbles fly everywhere.
STEVE
I see, it’s a dog the size of a donkey. The whole house smells like a dirty dog. Lord in heaven help us! Elizabeth, Miss Perkins from your school is supposed to be coming here at any minute for dinner, now what am I going to do? We cannot keep a dog, Dylan. Now please clean this mess up. I will have to take Elizabeth out for dinner instead. Jesus Murphy this is all I need!
RATING 7
It pretty much communicates the quirkiness of old cottage bathrooms in an interesting, curiosity-producing way.
SCENE 2
ORIGINAL EXT.PARK/DAY ORIGINAL
DAISY
Hey look over there, isn’t that Victor? What’s he doing here?
Victor is walking along hands in pockets, head down. He sees Dylan, Daisy, and Alfie, and slows down, moving further away from the dog.
DAISY
Hey Victor, come over here.
DYLAN
It’s OK Alfie is friendly.
ALFIE
Alfie gets up and wags his tail.
DAISY
So how come you are at the park? It’s Christmas Day. We just came to swap gifts and then we are going to Dylan’s house for Christmas dinner. What are you doing?
CHANGES PARK SCENE
Dylan and Daisy are at the seafront park. They are sitting inside the vintage rain shelter, which is open to the sea and the promenade below. There are footpaths and a (green in all seasons) expanse of lawn flowing down to the sea and beach below. All of the trees and the outside of the shelter are decorated with Christmas lights. Below on the promenade is the town’s Silver Band playing traditional hymns and collecting donations for charity. There are a few Christmas strollers walking the promenade enjoying the fair weather of Christmas Day. The background sounds are surf, band music, and seagulls.
EXT.SEAFRONT PARK/DAY
Dylan, Alfie, and Daisy are sitting inside the beachfront rain shelter exchanging gifts.
DYLAN
Thanks, the tattoos are really cool How long will they last for?
DAISY
The lady in the shop said you could even wear them in the bath a few times. I got you a whole bunch of them so you could have a tattoo for quite a while.
DYLAN
My Dad won’t mind if I wear this kind of tattoo. He just won’t let me go to a tattoo place and get a real one. Says, I’m too young. I wish he would treat me more like I’m growing up.
DAISY
I really like this My Little Mermaid doll. Thank you so much Dylan. I know my mom and Dad will let me keep it because it’s from you, another family. And Chinese people don’t want to offend others. It’s really nice to have a present today. My family does not celebrate Christmas. And my Mom does not want me to have toys. Sometimes, I don’t want to grow up so fast.
DYLAN
Why doesn’t your Mom want you to have stuff?
DAISY
Cause I am supposed to be more grown-up and concentrate on my music lessons and school. My family is really competitive. They want me to succeed. My Mom is called a Tiger Mother.
DYLAN
Wow, that sounds pretty scary. Hey look over there, isn’t that Victor? What’s he doing here?
Victor is walking along the seafront promenade, hands in pockets, head down and kicking stones.. He sees Dylan, Daisy, and Alfie, and slows down, looking sideways warily at the dog.
DAISY
Hey Victor, come up here.
DYLAN
It’s OK Alfie is friendly.
ALFIE
Alfie gets up and wags his tail.
DAISY
Come in and sit with us. So how come you are at the park? It’s Christmas Day. We just came to swap gifts and then we are going to Dylan’s house for Christmas dinner. What are you doing?
VICTOR
I couldn’t stand all the yelling at my house so I came out for some peace. My Mom already burnt the turkey and my Dad’s been drinking.
DYLAN
We have a big turkey, come over with us and eat at my house. My Dad had to shove the turkey in; it would hardly fit in our small oven. And there’s all the trimmings, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce. You don’t even have to eat the vegetables if you don’t like them.
DAISY
Yeah, and Dylan’s got a really complicated Lego set we can help him with it.
DYLAN
You can phone your parents from my place. That way, they won’t have a canary, or my Dad can phone if you like. My Dad’s new friend Mickey is there, she brought a whole bunch of Christmas stuff from the bakery.
RATING 8.5
THE SCENE DESCRIPTIONS (2) CREATE THE DESIRED AMBIENCE AND SHIFT TO A GROWING FRIENDSHIP IN THE CLOSENESS OF THE RAIN SHELTER.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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PS81 – Dana’s Amazing Settings
What I learned from this assignment:
My story takes place in a radio station with few exceptions. I, therefore, rated my settings based on the drama between characters in each setting. The more drama between characters, the higher the rating.
The most dramatic settings between my protagonist and antagonist happen on air in the control booth and the on-air studio. These settings each received 10.
The more informational the setting, allowing the characters to interact and drive the story forward, each received 5. A handful of settings that showed transition received 1.
I can improve my 5 rated scenes by simply adding tension. Example – when Sorensen questions Ellen in the studio and starts his investigation, limiting their time to talk during a commercial break puts them under pressure and reduces the exposition in the scene.
EXAMPLE 1
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: Ellen and the station manager have a meeting about her show’s failing ratings and discuss her future at the station. She needs to get her ratings up or her show will be cancelled.
Setting: Station’s conference room – the station manager is meeting with his on-air talent. Ellen shows up late and sits down just as the meeting is adjourned. This setting adds a little humor the situation before we dive into the dramatic situations.
AFTER (possibly)
New setting: Station manager’s office – Ellen is late to her meeting, and the station manager is meeting with another self-serving radio host that wants Ellen’s time slot. Ellen arrives for the meeting, the other host leaves, but not before he smiles at Ellen like a snake and asks the station manager if they’re on for lunch. This is to emphasis their friendly relationship and put the knife in Ellen’s back.
How this improves the scene: The meeting with the manager sitting behind his desk demonstrates his authority over Ellen to emphasis how she and her show are both failing.
EXAMPLE 2
BEFORE
Essence of scene: To introduce Det. Jack Sorensen to the audience and involve him in the coming relationship between the protagonist and the antagonist.
Setting: Detective’s Bureau SFPD – Sorensen is at his desk when he receives the bad news from his lieutenant that he’s been assigned to investigate a threatening call received by a radio station. He complains about the unimportance of the case, which is emphasized when his colleagues joking about him investigating an “obscene phone call.”
AFTER
New Setting: Interrogation room – Sorensen is watching/interrogating a rape suspect that is frustrating the hell out of him. He wants to “rip the little shits throat out” but he knows he can’t.
How this improves the scene: It tells us about Sorensen’s sympathy toward a victim and the frustration he feels being forced to watch a suspect lie his way out of trouble. This will play well later in the story when he is forced to watch Ellen suffer at the hands of man threatening her family. When he gets assigned the case to investigate the threating phone call, it seems like a reprieve to the case he’s been working.
Example 3
BEFORE
Essence of Scene: To introduce us to Ellen Landry, her family, and her career as a radio talk show host. We also set up the events surrounding the kidnapping of her family.
Setting: Driving in her car, heading to work, stuck in morning commuter traffic.
AFTER
New Setting: Ellen Landry’s psychiatric office during a session with a troubled patient. At the end of the session, the patient suddenly kills himself/herself, stunning Ellen.
How this has improved the scene: It introduces us to Ellen in a more dramatic fashion and creates a better reason why she quit private practice. It also adds more dramatic irony when Ellen must push another patient to commit suicide to save her family.
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Day 6 (Dramatic Devices) Anita’s Amazing Settings
What I learned doing this assignment: Very useful to review settings through this lens. I did not rate any of my scenes below a 7 because I believe each setting was already purposeful, useful, or necessary. But in looking at those 6 scenes rated as “7’s” I was challenged to be more creative for greater dramatic impact, so I will reconsider all six scene settings. Here are two of those scenes:
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: Law Partners congratulate Cyrus on his election win as a state judge.
Setting: His law offices.
AFTER:
New Setting: Posh Country Club.
How this has improved the scene: It creates more of a celebratory atmosphere, and also allows me to have other characters from the broader community come over and ‘glad-hand’ with Cyrus boosting his ego and the feeling of politicking and the importance of the judgeship.
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: After Danica’s sister dies she goes back to meet with her niece, nephew, and her brother-in-law, but is incapable of providing much solace, showing her lack of empathy skills.
Setting: Danica’s sister’s house.
AFTER:
New Setting: Catholic Church Mass for Danica’s sister.
How this has improved the scene: It brings Danica back face to face with her earlier uncomfortable encounters with her religious roots. She will also be able to witness how her sister’s church community is able to rally around the grieving family, contrasted with Danica’s own ineffectual attempts at comfort.
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KATE’S AMAZING SETTING
What I learned doing this assignment is that the scene can both affect how the characters behave as well as how we perceive them – sort of subtext in the setting. Some settings are inherent with the action, other setting options are more malleable.
TWO EXAMPLES that show the biggest improvement in the setting.
1)
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: A difficult conversation about the nature dealing with parents and kindness
Setting: The Troupe’s Camp
AFTER:
New Setting: A Pool Hall
How this has improved the scene: they have to be more subtle, can skirt the edges of emotion, what is not said is now more important. There is an activity they are engaged in that is also a sort of competition
2)
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: Nia daring Shaunn to get to know his Mom, and she is willing to do with her dad.
Setting: The Troupe’s Camp
AFTER:
New Setting: A roof-top
How this has improved the scene: It shows how daring she is, and Shaunn has had to scramble up there with her. They have a view of the town from there – metaphor for their future with their parents?
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Matthew Frendo’s Amazing Setting
What I learned doing this assignment was a hell of a lot! Not only was I able to make scenes more dramatic, I was able to use symbolism and metaphor with the settings and it helped me find a deep fear of my protagonist.
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: Final fight with monster at end
Setting: Random area of abandoned circus
AFTER:
New Setting: Hall of Illusions part of circus
How this has improved the scene: if I give character controlling trait, seeing the messed up mirrors, mixed with the chip set up in her head, will bring out her worst fears as she fights villain
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: Host talks to audience throughout the hunt
Setting: a stage in front of the audience
AFTER:
New Setting: a stage in front of the audience…that is filled with things about the host…pics, video, award, almost a shrine-type feel
How this has improved the scene: it shows his arrogant trait more, gives a deeper reason for others not to like him or be resentful and makes him a more interesting character and the setting itself more interesting as well.
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Day 6: Settings That Add Drama – Assignment
Mike O – Amazing Settings
What I learned is that the scene is the first visual cue the audience has, it is always better to “show not tell” in scriptwriting. This is doubly true with the power of a scene, the physical setting says volumes.
I. Go through your outline. With each scene, list what setting naturally comes to mind as the setting.
II. Rate every setting 1-10 on this scale and see how they stand up.
1 — Meaningless setting. Has no impact on the scene.
5 — Useful setting. It makes sense and allows the characters to interact as I’d like them to.
10 — Amazing setting. The setting itself intensifies the drama, there’s not another setting that could do it to this level.
III. Once you’ve rated your settings, take a look at all the low ratings and see if you can bring them up to at least a 5, maybe more.
IV. Give us TWO EXAMPLES that show the biggest improvement in the setting. List them like this:BEFORE:
Essence of Scene:
Setting:
AFTER:
New Setting:
How this has improved the scene:
—————————————————————————————-Master Outline
OPENING SCENE: INT. CAFE — LUNCH RATE = 5 Brooklyn (protagonist) having lunch w/ Carolyn talk about love, loss, and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday. Opening – Brooklyn, the protagonist, is a painter on the cusp of being “discovered” You get the flavor of the movie, glimpse the start of her character arc,.
EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON RATE = 5 Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING RATE = 5 Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST RATE = 5 Brooklyn recalls her mother telling her that her father wasn’t providing, she had to go to work; they grew apart. He left them.
INCITING INCIDENT: Lawyer’s letter; Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must take care of it. RATE = 8
INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY RATE = 4 Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON RATE = 5 Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS RATE = 7 Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops to eat.
INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY RATE = 5 Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.
INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY RATE = 7 Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions.
INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING RATE = 5 Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed. Richard tries to seduce her, she is too gun-shy.
INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING RATE = 5 Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin and directions on how to get to the cabin.
INT. JEEP – LATER RATE = 4 Brooklyn is following the map, finds her dad’s cabin. It’s beautiful.
EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS RATE = 7 From the outside, it is beautiful. Inside, more stunning. Brooklyn discovers her dad had great taste, was a painter. He has photos of her from childhood on. She is floored, never saw him keeping tabs on her.
INTERCUT: CAROLYN DRIVING, BROOKLYN AT THE WINDOW RATE = 6 Brooklyn tells her that her mom lied about her dad. Carolyn tells her Iverson, CEO of Apex Industries, is stopping by the gallery to buy her three paintings. Brooklyn is now in the big times!!
EXT. CABIN DECK – DAY Brooklyn is painting the landscape before her. Finishes, sets it by her dad’s, same landscape different season. Tells him “Here daddy, for you. Merry Xmas” RATE = 8
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoebox filled w/ letters all “return to sender” Her father wrote to her! It was her mother who wrote “return to sender” on them. Brooklyn discovers who her father really was. He was not poor and he did not abandon her as her mother told her. Her father was wealthy, he loved & had love in his life. Also, he kept tabs on her and loved her from afar. RATE = 8
EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS RATE = 7
Brooklyn answers the door, meets Tarek and his two sons. Learns they are in for the holiday to spend it with her dad. They don’t know he has passed.
INT. KITCHEN – LATER RATE = 6
She tells Tarek her father passed. The boys overhear.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER RATE = 7
Brooklyn, Tarek and the kids play monopoly together. Brooklyn wins.
INT. DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON RATE = 5
Tarek and the boys share the dinner they brought with Brooklyn.
EXT. PORCH – AFTER DINNER RATE = 6
Tarek, the boys and Brooklyn go outside, have a snowball fight.
EXT/INT. PICKUP TRUCK – LATER RATE = 4
Tarek and the boys pack up and leave Brooklyn.
INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS RATE = 6
Brooklyn retrieves the shoe box of old letters, electricity goes out. She lights lanterns, builds a fire.
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER RATE = 5
Brooklyn reads all her father’s letters to her, throws the old checks in the fire.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS RATE = 4
Tarek worries about Brooklyn, Tyler tells him to call her, Brandon knows dad didn’t get her #
INT. LIVING ROOM – SAME RATE = 5
Phone rings, Brooklyn thinks it’s Tarek; it’s Richard. She turns down his dinner offer. She asks him where the client list is, he tells her it’s all in his head. He milks it.
INT. GALLERY – LATER RATE = 8
Richard goes there, takes all the receipts, papers, invoices and ledger, then vandalizes the place.
EXT/INT. GALLERY – MORNING RATE = 7
Brooklyn goes to Art Gallery; finds it vandalized. She freaks, then takes a stand and calls the local alarm company. Has video cameras, motion detectors, the works installed including a few hidden cameras.
Mid-Point – Brooklyn is trying to tie up her father’s estate, learns her father’s GM is trying to steal her father’s art gallery. She sees the antagonist for what he really is. This twist reveals the fact they are both after the same goal – the art gallery.
INT. COLD CREEK CAFE – LUNCH RATE = 7
Brooklyn runs into Tarek and Tyler. They argue over the merits of an artist. She is offended. She tells him, “someone in your idyllic little town ransacked and vandalized my dad’s gallery last night…” and leaves.
INT. CAROLYN AFTERNOON – NOON RATE = 6 Iverson sees Brooklyn’s paintings in Carolyn’s gallery, inquires about the artist. Tells his executive secretary as they’re leaving the gallery to do a background workup on Brooklyn Murray.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – AFTERNOON RATE = 5
Carolyn calls Brooklyn; Iverson wants to meet Brooklyn, has $, has to see her in person to buy her work.
INT. GALLERY – LATER RATE = 4
Brooklyn gets a basket of goodies from Tarek w/ an apology card. He’s sorry for what happened to her gallery and for how poorly he explained himself at the café.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – NIGHT RATE = 7
Brooklyn mulls over her feelings for Tarek, her lust for fame and recognition that Iverson can provide.
INT. LIMOUSINE – LATE AFTERNOON RATE = 5
Iverson greets Brooklyn. Flatters her, they go to dinner where Carolyn is there waiting for them.
MONTAGE – BROOKLYN AND GUESTS CELEBRATING RATE = 6
Dancing, mingling, dinner and desert. Iverson kisses the back of her hand, a telling gesture.
INT. CAFÉ – NEXT MORNING RATE = 4
Brooklyn and Carolyn talk re: Iverson wanting Brooklyn to paint murals in his mansion and perhaps more.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – KITCHEN – MORNING RATE = 5
Tarek makes boy’s breakfast, winces in pain several times.
EXT/INT. WINTERGREEN BANK – AFTERNOON RATE = 7
Brooklyn goes in and buys all of Tarek’s photograph off the wall.
SERIES OF SHOTS RATE = 7
Brooklyn goes to the places where Tarek has his photos and buys them, takes them to her gallery.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS RATE = 5
Tarek and boys build a fire, have eggnog and cookies. Tarek’s new phone is fully charged. Brandon tells him, “You know Brooklyn left you a bunch of texts.”
INTERCUT: ALAN, HIS OFFICE; BROOKLYN, THE BABBLING BOOK GALLERY RATE = 6
Alan tells her Richard is trying a legal stunt to steal the gallery from her. He explains the stunt to her.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DUSK RATE = 8
Brooklyn goes to visit her father, sees a heart carve on a tree with initials and it has been Xd out. She murmurs, “Even here.” At her dad’s headstone, she tells him her mom lied. Ruby shows up, tells her that her father knew she loved him, that her father was the love of her life.
INT. JOSHUA’S CABIN – LATER RATE = 5
Brooklyn is drinking wine, eating chocolate, decides to call Tarek.
INTERCUT: BROOKLYING SITTING; TAREK AT THE FIREPLACE RATE = 7
Brooklyn is sure her father’s signature on the document Richard gave to Alan is a forgery. Tarek tells her to be careful, that Richard is a good guy. This starts an argument and pushes Brooklyn to go to Chicago.
INT. BED – LATER RATE = 5
Brooklyn texts Carolyn, asks for Iverson’s cell number. Carolyn texts it to her with a smilie face.
She texts Iverson, he texts her back.
INSERT – TEXT RATE = 5
“I will send my jet for you. Let me know when you would like to leave.”
INSERT – TEXT RATE = 4
“Tomorrow, after work, 6pm. Denver Stapleton, right?”
INSERT – TEXT RATE = 6
“When you get to Stapleton, call James at this number: 773-456-3336. He will find you.”
Second turning point at end of Act 2 – Brooklyn thinks Tarek is just like all men, she is quick to dismiss what she feels and how she feels for him and has it in her mind, Iverson is the answer. Fame and fortune, a great provider as her mother put it… (running away, fear of intimacy, etc) RATE = 8
INT. MASTER BEDROOM – MORNING RATE = 7
Brooklyn is awakened by the doorbell. She checks the security camera, it’s Tarek and the boys. She is so happy.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NEXT EVENING RATE = 9 Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys decorate Brooklyn’s tree. Brooklyn gives the small boy the ping-pong ball which she has turned into a Christmas ornament. She tells him: “Silly ball was always rolling away. Figured we give it a home and a purpose, it will stay put.”
INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – 47<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – CHICAGO – AFTERNOON RATE = 5
Brooklyn goes to see Iverson, learns what he wants her to paint. Takes the sketches with her.
INT. BROOKLYN’S ART STUDIO – LATER RATE = 5
Brooklyn is in her studio painting, working on her ideas for Iverson’s murals. Carolyn sneaks up on her. They have a heart-to-heart re: her love for Tarek and her fear.
INT. KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING RATE = 7
Carolyn answers Brook’s phone, speaks with Tarek. Listens, orders his airplane tickets, tricks him.
INT. STUDIO – DAY RATE = 7
Tarek surprises Brooklyn at her loft. They KISS, go back to Carolyn’s.
INT. BROOKLYN’S HOME – LATER RATE = 6
Spend the night, the boys with Tarek. Next morning, she leaves, Tarek collapses in pain.
INT. STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER RATE = 7
Brooklyn gets a panicked call from Brandon, his dad is on the floor. Calls 911.
EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER RATE = 6
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.”
Crisis – her love interest who has suffered a medical emergency and is rushed to the hospital leaving her with his two small boys. END OF ACT TWO RATE = 6
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER RATE = 5
Tyler in Brooklyn’s lap in Tarek’s room. He survives, they are all together.
INT. BABBLING BROOK GALLERY – NIGHT RATE = 7
Richards breaks in, steals the good paintings and substitutes them for no-name paintings. ** then torches the place, to cover the theft of the valuable paintings versus the no name substitutes.
INT. BROOKLYN’S STUDIO – DAY RATE = 5
Carolyn shows Iverson in the studio where they see Brooklyn’s easels.
INT. TAREK’S CABIN – MORNING RATE = 5
Brooklyn, Tarek and the boys are all together. Brooklyn gets a call from the sheriff and alarm company.
INT. GALLERY – LATER RATE = 7
Brooklyn walks through the rubble, distraught; knows who did it and why.
INT. BAR – DAY THE CLIMAX RATE = 8
Brooklyn confronts Richard. She sets down photos of a person dressed in black in the gallery, pulling paintings off the wall and replacing them. The last photo is a close-up of Richard’s hand tattoo as it shows momentarily between the leather glove and sleeve of the jacket. Carolyn walks in as moral support for Brooklyn. Behind her, the sheriff with handcuffs.
EXT. GRAVE SITE – DAY RATE = 7
Brooklyn visits her father’s grave, apologizes, asks for his forgiveness.
EXT. MEADOW – CHRISTMAS MORNING RATE = 5
We glide over the new fallen snow, see the Christmas lights at the cabin’s eaves, the chimney smoke and go inside…
INT. BROOKLYN’S CABIN – CONTINUOUS RATE = 7
Brandon hands out Christmas presents. Brook’s present to Tarek, homemade Christmas bulb with a heart in glitter and their initials. The last present, is Tarek’s. A wedding ring as he asks Brooklyn to marry him. Resolution – Brooklyn accepts what happened, takes what her father’s lover tells her to heart and embraces her father’s posthumous love. She decides to live there with her newfound loves. (Completion of her arc)
ROLL END-OF-FILM CREDITS
MONTAGE – VIDEO FOOTAGE OF WEDDING DAY RATE = 7
— Bridal gown and lace train, Brooklyn, out on the back deck, snowy meadow in the foreground.
— Group shot: Carolyn, maid of honor. Beside her Stan with their two boys as Tarek’s groomsmen.
— Self-conscious pose: Tuxedoed and on their best behavior, Brandon and Tyler stand at attention.
— Tarek’s best man, Alan, caught handing him a flask of the good stuff.
— Alan’s daughter, Briana, flower girl, sprinkles flowers across the redwood deck.
— Unsteady, hand-held SHOT of Brandon looking into the camera asking Tyler if it’s ON.
— Ruby catches the wedding bouquet, turns to the old man from the bar and smiles suggestively.
— Cake-cutting ceremony – Brooklyn shoves cake into Tarek’s mouth.
BACK TO PRESENT
Brandon writes on the back of an 8 by 12 photograph:
INSERT – WRITING
“And they lived happily ever after”…
Brandon turns the photo over and we HOLD ON — WEDDING SHOT of the four of them — posing in front of Brooklyn’s Christmas tree.
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IV. Give us TWO EXAMPLES that show the biggest improvement in the setting. List them like this:
EXAMPLE #1 : BEFORE: INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY
Essence of Scene: Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
Setting: The protagonist and her mentor/best friend are sitting talking about what lies ahead.
AFTER: INT. UBER – DAY
New Setting: Carolyn and Brooklyn sit in the back seat and talk uninterrupted. It avoids the best friend having to drive, they can focus on their talk and Carolyn can write it off as a business expense. She admits
she hates to waste time driving. Ubers free her up, time she can think, plan and work on business.
How this has improved the scene: It shows a side to Carolyn, unexpected but works in keeping with her nature.
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EXAMPLE #2: BEFORE: EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “Look after my boys.”
Essence of Scene: Brooklyn pulls up to Carolyn’s place, ambulance is there. Tarek tells her to “look after my boys.”
Setting: Front yard of Carolyn’s place at the ambulance.
AFTER: EXT. BROOKLYN’S RESIDENCE – LATER
New Setting: Brooklyn pulls up, ambulance is there. Tarek tells Brooklyn “look after my boys.” She cannot find Tyler, he has run off. She follows the footprints in the snow to the shed in the back yard. He is huddled in there hiding, crying… Asks Brooklyn, “Am I going to be an orphan too?”
How this has improved the scene: added element of the child missing; also their bonding over the orphan possibility.
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Antonio Flores’ Amazing Setting
What I learned doing this assignment:
When the setting is the focus of the rewriting, I get to see the scene from a different perspective. All it takes is to improving the action description and the setting helps to convey the meaning and even the subtext. I feel excited about this lesson, it takes my writing to a new level.
ASSIGNMENT
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BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: Opening scene. Introduces Parisa, a lonely woman in a depressing moment after breaking up with her fiancé. She is a cheerleader coach, a perfectionist. Her world has changed.
Setting:
INT. PARIS — A GLOOMY, SHABBY FITNESS ROOM (PARIS) — A WEEK LATER
A treadmill’s control panel glows in the darkness like an old, dormant, otherworldly creature not to be disturbed.
SUPER: A WEEK LATER, PARIS, 4:30 AM
Dressed in dark color skintight action-wear, the slim, athletic silhouette of a WOMAN climbs on the machine. She pours water on her head. Her strong yet delicate hand pushes the console start button.
Pictures on the wall show memories of PARISA NEDELLEC career as cheerleader and coach. She replaces the tape blocking a legend “Mom & Dad’s Masterpiece“ engraved on a frame with a picture of her as a child. She’s cursed to spend a lifetime in the narrow world of physical beauty. Except that… she does’t go for any of that.
She quickly wipes off the tears coming from…
HER CAPTIVATING EYES
that now focus on the console controls with expert attitude. Her fingers push the…
UP ARROWS
All digits roll up on the display, Distance. Speed. She sets her standards pretty high.
She clears off some more tears. A deep breath helps swallow the pain.
Wireless earphones in place, she drops her cellphone in the console’s deck. A sound…
SHRIEEEK…
… frees the loud cry of the flywheel begging for maintenance or, perhaps, it is the first guitar chord of an electronic song that sets the reluctant treadmill ship off on a fitness journey — with Parisa on the helm.
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AFTER:
New Setting: It is basically the same setting, but I reorganized the description and revised the word choice as well.
INT. FRANCE — PARISA’S HOME BASEMENT — NIGHT
A gloomy, scruffy fitness room. A FEMALE VOICE croons a song about loneliness.
How this has improved the scene:
Describing the setting as GLOOMY (dark, depressing, pessimistic space) sets the tone, suggesting that something bad is happening.
Meanwhile, the description SCRUFFY contrasts with the image of a perfectionist that Parisa demonstrates by setting high standards for her workout. Makes us wonder why she has allowed the room to fall in this circumstances.
A lonely woman going to the FITNESS ROOM in the middle of the night. The tears on her face suggest that she has something that must be let out.
[REVISED] INT. FRANCE — PARISA’S HOME BASEMENT — NIGHT
[REVISED] A gloomy, scruffy fitness room. A FEMALE VOICE croons a song about loneliness.
[REVISED] SUPER: PARIS, 4:30 AM
A treadmill’s control panel glows in the darkness like an old, dormant, otherworldly creature not to be disturbed.
[REVISED] Dressed in dark color skintight action-wear, the slim, athletic silhouette of a WOMAN climbs on the beast.
She pours water on her head. Her strong yet delicate hand pushes the console start button. The creature awakes.
[REVISED] Pictures on the wall show memories of PARISA NEDELLEC career as cheerleader and coach.
[REVISED] An old piece of sticky tape has mostly given up on its mission to cover the legend:
“MOM AND DAD’S MASTERPIECE“
..engraved on a frame with a picture of her as a child.
She’s cursed to spend a lifetime in the narrow world of physical beauty. Except that… she does’t go for any of that…
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Antonio Flores.
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