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Day 5 Assignments
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Day V – Adding Character Arc – Assignment
Mike O – Character Arc
What I learned doing this assignment is this is the skeleton upon which all the twists, insights and growth or decline the character goes through hangs off of.
1. Apply the Character Arc process to your protagonist & add the improvements to your structure. Return to your structure from Day 7 of the Outlining Class.
2. Brainstorm potential Character Arcs. Look at your story structure and your protagonist character profile together. First look to see if there is an obvious change that will take place in your protagonist. Where does your main character start and end up? Does that imply a transformation? If not, brainstorm possible fears, flaws, or traits that could be changed. Remember, you are going to pick ONE to build your Character Arc around.
Protagonist’s fear: her fear of a committed and intimate relationship.
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3. With the arc you’ve chosen, write up the Issue, Challenges, and Transformation.
1. The Issue: Brooklyn is afraid of a committed relationship as intimacy creates an emotional vulnerability she is terrified of. Casual dating is Brooklyn’s modus operendi, whenever it becomes more, she vanishes.
2. The Challenges: An antagonist who is charming, seductive and scheming; (2) a stranger with two sweet boys showing up on her father’s doorstep; (3) a café owner who was the love of her father’s life; (4) a wealthy and powerful patron offering fame and fortune at a price. Their agendas, drives and desires regarding life and love help to transform Brooklyn’s view on intimacy.
3. The Transformation: The fear of Intimacy trait, of being in a committed relationship, has been transformed into an accepting and Loving trait as she lets the stranger and his children into her home and heart.
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4. Now, look at your Day 7 Structure and add in key points from #3 — Issue, Challenges, and Transformation.
The Nine beats of the script’s structure are as follows:
3a. Opening – Brooklyn, the protagonist, is a painter on the cusp of being “discovered” You get the flavor of the movie.
3b. Inciting Incident – Protagonist receives a certified letter that her estranged father has passed and she is the executor of his estate.
3c. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. Yes. Protagonist has to leave her “life” travel across country and take care of her father’s estate.
3d. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Brooklyn discovers who her father really was. He was not poor and he did not abandon her as the protagonist’s mother told her. Her father was wealthy, he loved & had love in his life. Also, he kept tabs on her and loved her from afar.
3e. Mid-Point – Brooklyn is trying to tie up her father’s estate, learns her father’s GM is trying to steal her father’s art gallery. She sees the antagonist for what he really is. This twist reveals the fact they are both after the same goal – the art gallery.
3f. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – Brooklyn realizes she cannot reason with the antagonist. She changes tactics, uses a lawyer to prevent him from stealing her father’s art gallery.
3g. Crisis – In addition to using a lawyer to prevent the General Manager from stealing her father’s art gallery, Brooklyn has to deal with her love interest who has suffered a medical emergency and is rushed to the hospital leaving her with his two small boys.
3h. Climax – Brooklyn and the antagonist come face to face. He has stolen a number of expensive paintings and replaced them with no-name works. Brooklyn has proof, has photos of the paintings that are missing and a hidden camera that captured the antagonist stealing the paintings before setting the place on fire.
3i. Resolution – Brooklyn accepts what happened, takes what her father’s lover tells her to heart and embraces her father’s posthumous love. She decides to live there with her newfound loves.
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[4] Tell us the Character Arc of your protagonist (Brooklyn) and add it to your structure.
4a. Part to be changed: Brooklyn’s inability to let someone/anyone into her heart
4b. Biggest fear: Brooklyn’s fear of intimacy
4c. Completion of arc: Brooklyn moves to a strange new town, faces her fears, falls in love and gets married. -
DAY 5 Setups/Payoffs
Lisa’s Setups/Payoffs
What I learned is to work forward and then work backward too. Looking at the setups and payoffs from top to bottom and from bottom to top show you if they make sense.
MARY WINTERS
Traits: Competitive, Clever, Energetic, Driven
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of heights, Afraid of loving someone again, Afraid of not being a good mom, Afraid of failing as the organizer of the IAWL festival and not living up to her mom’s perfectionism. Afraid of not getting to her ex-husband in time and finding him dead.
HARRY MILLS
Traits: Curmudgeon, Blunt, Independent, Flirt
Subtext: Knows his days are numbered now that his wife died. He plans to make the most of it. Loves the ladies and hopes to get to all of them before the end.
PETER WINTERS
Traits: Depressed, Kind, Lost, Desperate
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of failure and of losing his business; Afraid of losing his daughters; Afraid of not living up to his “hero” status
*(Challenge the Characters: Mary is being challenged by Harry, her dad.) *(Foreshadowing coming events: Mary starts to think more highly of Joe because her father doesn’t; Peter says he’s going camping, but is going to the North Pole)
INT-GENERAL/HARDWARE STORE-DAY
Mary and her father, Harry are walking around shopping and talking. Harry is looking for caulking, Mary for festival supplies like particle board, batteries, nails, etc.
HARRY
Have you seen Peter lately? I wonder how he’s doing.
MARY
I talk to him about the girls now and then. You can go see him at the boarding house anytime.
HARRY
He’s a great man. A war hero. You can’t do better than Pete.
MARY
Dad, we’re divorced. Remember?
HARRY
I think that was a mistake. You should try to get back together.
MARY
It’s not going to happen Dad. We’ve both moved on.
HARRY
It never matters who I like for you!
MARY
It matters Dad, but it matters more who I like. And the girls like…
HARRY
Peter just hit some hard times. It happens to everyone. He can bounce back. They’re saying we’re going to get snow this week!
MARY
Snow won’t change our relationship. We’re divorced. Forever. Besides he’s seeing Tilly and I’m seeing Joe.
HARRY
Joe. He’s too hoity-toity for you. He’s just the rebound guy and your boss for god’s sake!
MARY
I know, Dad. That’s why we’re trying to be discreet, but in this town it’s impossible! Everyone knows everyone’s business.
HARRY
That’s the beauty of a small town, honey. We’re friends and family. Now you get back with Peter and leave your boss alone.
MARY
(appeasingly) Sure, Dad. Whatever you say. (to herself) Joseph is looking better every day in every way.
*(Add new meaning to the setup and eventually will provide closure)
PETER crosses the aisle Mary and Harry are in.
HARRY
Pete! Pete!
Peter backs up and looks down the aisle at Harry and Mary.
PETER
Harry.
Harry scoots down the aisle. Harry and Peter hug and hit each other on their backs.
HARRY
Speak of the devil! We were just talking about you.
Mary comes up behind Harry in the aisle. She hangs her head when Harry says they were talking about him.
PETER
Oh really. All good, I hope.
HARRY
Absotootly! Good to see you boy. (looking at Peter’s supplies) Are you going camping again?
PETER
Always, Harry.
HARRY
Did you hear we’re supposed to get snow this week! You’ll be back in business in no time.
PETER
I heard. It’s probably too late for me.
HARRY
You’ll bounce back. You’re a war hero!
PETER
Thanks, Harry. I’ve got to go.
Peter scurries to the cashier in the front of the store. Mary runs after him.
MARY
Are we going to see you Christmas day?
PETER
I don’t know.
MARY
I hope you’ll be there for Janie and Ruthie.
Peter grabs his bags.
PETER
Bye.
Mary sighs and he leaves.
*(Surprise the Audience)
EXT-GENERAL/HARDWARE STORE-DAY
Peter jumps into his truck. Tilly was waiting on him.
TILLY
I saw Mary and Harry in there. Did you talk to them?
PETER
Yeah. Harry acted like we were still together. All happy to see me.
TILLY
He was always crazy about you. Did he ask what you were doing?
PETER
I told him I was going camping. I just didn’t tell them it’s at the North Pole. (starting the truck) Now let’s go get Santa!
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Cameron Martin’s Setup/Payoffs
What I learned doing this assignment is…the more setups and payoffs you create in subsequent order, the faster paced your story becomes. Even when watching THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT, this was evident. There’re no real action sequences in THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT, but the fast paced nature of the script isn’t due solely to Aaron Sorkin’s frantic pace with respect to dialogue, but rather is created with constant setups and payoffs and twists.
Sully – Inventive, Loving, Controlling, Disguising
Isaiah – Obsessive, Focused, Covering Up, Gentle
(Well, crap. I kinda just picked out the following section and started writing before outlining an exact setup/payoff structure. Was in a bit of a hurry. I’ll be sure to fulfill the parameters of the assignment in order next time.)
(Still, here’re are a few of the setups/payoffs added that weren’t included in the original outline.)
Setup: A. Sully punches the bunker door
Payoff: A./D. Sully breaks his hand (Boxer’s fracture)
Setup: C. Sully’s broken hand.
Payoff: A./B. Isaiah uses it to get free from his dad.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully and Isaiah get to the bunker too late, with Isaiah still trying to get out of Sully’s grip. Sully is pissed off with Isaiah and lets him know as calmly as he can, informing him that they’ll have to work together to make it out alive.
Isaiah tells Sully he has a plan, but they have to stop running or carrying him.
CONT.
An adult alien worm (about 15 feet long) breaks through of a vent and slithers after them. Sully RUNS with Isaiah in tow, ignoring Isaiah’s previous suggestion. Isaiah kicks and tries to escape.
CONT.
Sully darts into a room where they find a stranger who’s hiding from his loved one who’s an alien host. Isaiah tries to say something about the aliens’ weakness, but when Sully hushes him, Isaiah creates a distraction that draws the worms and host away.
CONT.
The stranger makes a run for it and escapes from his loved one, but is subsequently infected by a worm slithering down his throat.
Setups and Payoffs included in the original outline…
Setup: A. Vent creaks
Payoff: D. Worm gives chase
Setup: C. Worm is gaining on them.
Payoff: E. Worm infects other character
Setup: D. Sully breaks into a new apartment.
Payoff: C. Other character is in the room (Sully just exposed a hapless stranger to dangers he tried to lock himself out of.)
Setup: Worm infects James
Payoff: James becomes a monster
INT. SPACE COLONY – BUNKER EXTERIOR/HALLWAYS/LIVING QUARTERS – CONT. – NIGHT
Sully runs with a struggling Isaiah in tow, down an empty corridor and up to the tightly sealed door of the bunker.
The look on his face says it all. Too late.
Sully, wanting to just drop Isaiah in a heap, sets the temperamental child down as gently as he can.
He presses against the door, looking for any seam, any way inside.
SULLY
No, no, no, no. Dammit. Gahhhh!
Sully punches the hanger door. A crack sounds off from his fist.
Sully doubles over in obvious pain.
SULLY
Fuck! Fuck!
He looks over at his son, enraged at both him for not coming along easily, as well as himself for taking the time to make those stupid ear muffs.
Isaiah looks back at his dad, tears welling up in his eyes.
ISAIAH
(clutching the muffs tight to his ears)
I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Sully works to calm himself, while looking in all directions. Adrenaline from the situation builds upon the adrenaline from fracturing his hand – how bad? He doesn’t know.
ISAIAH
I’m sorry.
SULLY
Listen.
ISAIAH
I’m sorry.
SULLY
Stop it! We have less than a minute…maybe. You’ve got to do as I say.
ISAIAH
I can help.
SULLY
Help me by doing exactly what I say.
ISAIAH
It’ll be okay.
Sully takes a deep breath, happy that his son seems to be taking this better than he is, before another wave of pain emirates from his hand.
Isaiah watches his dad wince.
ISAIAH
I know what to do, but you have to stop carrying me.
Sully holds up both his hands, straining to keep the broken one from shaking.
SULLY
I’m okay. Listen. This is serious. We have to work together if we’re going to get through this.
ISAIAH
Exactly.
A creak sounds off from the vent.
Sully grabs Isaiah with his good hand and runs with him under his arm.
ISAIAH
Dad!
The vent snaps open…
And a massive 15 foot alien worm slithers out and chases after them.
ISAIAH
Dad! Slow down!
Sully looks behind him…
The worm is closing on them fast.
Isaiah kicks and squirms in his dad’s arm. His feet start dragging along the ground.
SULLY
Isaiah, quit it!
Sully makes a quick turn and tries breaking through another apartment door, but bounces off of it.
He kicks the door HARD…
Breaking the door off its hinge…
Before bursting into the apartment…
Running past countertops and knocking over pots and pans…
And dragging Isaiah, holding his ears from the harsh crash of metal to the tile floor…
Behind a kitchen island for cover.
Next to the two is another colonist, JAMES, who didn’t make it to the bunker, looking shocked.
JAMES
(mouthing the words/barely audible)
What did you do!
The sound of slithering slime enters the room.
Isaiah grabs one of the pots that fell to the floor…
And chucks it across the room.
The crash draws the attention of the slithering brush along the floor.
ISAIAH
(whispering)
Dad—
Sully presses his good hand over Isaiah’s mouth, while raising his good hand up to his lips, making the “shush” signal.
Isaiah tries taking his dad’s hand off of his mouth, but his dad’s too strong.
So, seeing his dad’s bruising hand, Isaiah GRABS it, SQUEEZING hard!
Sully lets go, ripping his hand free from Isaiah and straining to keep his scream from coming out of his throat.
ISAIAH
(whispering)
I need to explain—
James makes a break for it, trying to get the hell away from the father and child.
ISAIAH
(whispering)
No!
The sound of his running footsteps draws the worm’s attention.
It speeds toward him…
Up his leg and torso…
Exposing its serrated teeth along the side of its arrow shaped head.
JAMES
Get it o—
The worm slides down Jame’s throat, slicing the jugular internally on it’s way.
James collapses to the ground, blood spilling out of his open mouth.
He convulses, unable to take his last breaths, while his mouth opens wide…
Breaking the jaw…
Splitting the seams of his mouth down to the bone…
While the maxilla pulls and breaks from the rest of the cranium.
James shambles up to standing on his hands and feet, with what remained of his mouth snapping in and out of his head, the body of the worm exposing itself briefly as the thing that’s still holding the mouth attached to what was once James.
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Dev Ross – Day 5 – Set ups/Pay offs
What I learned: This was a tough one for me. I read and reread my outline and didn’t find any scene that I felt I could truly set something up that would pay off by end of scene. Unusual for me but my story is unusual for me! Then I thought of it more metaphorically and the result is my scene below!
Clay: Fearful of being seen as impotent.
Hannah: Desperately wants love, intimacy.
Clay goes from frustration to anger.
Hannah goes from frustration to despair.
IDEA: Clay can’t get it up in bed. Meanwhile, somewhere a cross is being erected. End of scene, we discover it’s on his lawn.
INT. CLAY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Hannah exits the bathroom, slips into bed next to Clay, who is turned away from her. Hannah moves into snuggle. She buries her face in his back and then let’s her hand roam over his chest and then down his stomach to his groin. Caine elbows her hand away.
CAINE
Don’t. I’m tired.
Hannah puts her hand on his shoulder and rubs.
HANNAH
I know, honey. You work so hard. This better?
He moans that it is. But her shoulder rub soon travels down his arm and back to between his legs. Again, he elbows her hand away. Hannah suppresses her hurt then tries again by rubbing her nose gently into his neck.
HANNAH
Is this okay?
When he doesn’t answer, she pulls herself to her knees and rolls him over. Now she plants gentle kisses all over his face and then begins to work her way down. Caine moans and relaxes into it.
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
A group of men, their faces buried in their hoodies, pull a large wooden cross out of the back of their parked truck.
INT. CLAY’S BEDROOM – CONTINOUS
Hannah works, patiently, gingerly, but nothing happens. She licks her fingers, and rubs…
EXT. STREET – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
The hooded men set the cross down on the lawn and then slowly push it up so that it’s erect.
INT. CLAY’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Caine’s face, having been momentarily relaxed, tenses.
EXT. LAWN – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
The hooded men douse the cross in gasoline and then set it ablaze. As it burns, it illuminates Clay’s home in the b.g.
INT. CLAY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
Clay grabs Hannah’s hand, pulls it away.
CAINE
I told you. I can’t.
Light flicks across their faces. From outside, rings the sounds of cruel laughter…
VOICES (O.S.)
Traitors! SINOS!
Clay jumps up, throws open the curtains. The huge cross burns on his lawn.
EXT. CLAY’S HOME – NIGHT
He races outside in time to see the hooded men screeching away in their truck, their triumphant whoops and laughter ringing into the night. As they speed away, they toss out one last epitaph.
HOODED MAN
Nigger lovers!
Hannah steps up next to Clay who peers at the erect and burning cross in utter humiliation.
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Great scene, Dev.
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Thanks June! Coming from you that means a lot!
Dev
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June Fortunato’s Setup/Payoff Day 5 of Dramatic Devices
“What I learned” This is clearly an exercise and not necessarily conducive to sophisticated writing. The best setups are set up in earlier scenes and paid off later as demonstrated in the Ace Ventura series of scenes. Nonetheless, this was a very fun scene to write, because I finally got to my “meet cute” and the exercise inspired me. So despite my complaining, I loved it.
The Meet-Cute
set up earlier– Kim is thrown down steps and now in the hospital ward set up earlier-Roy makes the rounds and people ask him to do things set up earlier– Roy makes up lyrics to familiar songs set up earlier -Kim self talks. Her singing sets up later scenes when we learn that she’s an accomplished singer. set up– Roy and Kim’s soon to develop love relationship set up– Roy and Kim’s continuous relationship with the hospital and eventually, with Marilyn set up-Roy’s loyalty to Kim set up – Kim pulls away into a restroom- a set up for a later scene.
payoff: Kim is in the hospital and what happened to her payoff: Suzy’s candy bowl is recently always empty!
Outline/scene mockup
Roy makes the round in the hospital halls. A woman emerges ahead of him, Kim, slowly- her ankle, and entire arm and shoulder are braced and bandaged. She has a broken wrist, broken elbow, dislocated shoulder and sprained ankle all on the same side. Roy notices that she discretely leaves a wrapped peppermint on every room ledge in the hallway or tosses one to someone on their bed. Roy follows and watches. He’s intrigued. He takes one of the candies, and pops one in his mouth. Kim doesn’t turn, but she knows she’s being followed. This makes her happy. Roy gets close enough to her, and says: “I like sweet things, too.” She still doesn’t turn, but it makes her smile. She keeps walking and distributing- a real Easter Bunnie. Roy sings the song by the Archies: “Sugar Sugar ” (1969) “Sugar. Ah Honey Honey. You are my candy girl, and you got me wanting you” Kim knows the song and joins in the refrain changing the words to fit she sings along “Honey. Ah Honey honey. I am the candy girl and why do you follow me?” This absolutely floats Roy’s boat. Kim turns around to sing the duet and it’s instant Kismet! Love at first sight. Kim gives Roy a peck on the cheek and pulls away, leaving him in awe. She pulls away into a restroom- a set up for a later scene.
Scene ends with the payoff: Meanwhile, Suzy finds her candy bowl empty again and complains “why is this bowl suddenly always empty!!!?”
The scene: a meet-cute
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY- OSTEO UNIT – THE NEXT DAY
Roy makes his rounds in the hall. A woman, Kim, emerges ahead of him. She moves slowly, sporting a broken wrist, broken elbow, dislocated shoulder and sprained ankle- which are wrapped and slung. Kim discretely leaves a wrapped PEPPERMINT candy on every patient’s ledge or tosses one to someone in bed. A real Easter Bunny. Roy follows and watches. He’s intrigued. He takes one of the candies and pops it into his mouth. Kim doesn’t turn, but she knows she’s being followed. This makes her happy. She slows her pace. Roy catches up so close that she can feel his breath.
ROY
(to her back) I like sweet things, too.
Kim doesn’t turn, but it makes her laugh. Roy sings the song by the Archies from 1969.
ROY (sung) “Sugar. Ah Honey Honey. You are my candy girl, and you got me wanting you.”
Kim changes words to fit and sings along.
KIM “Honey. Ah honey honey. I am the candy girl and why do you follow me?
This absolutely floats Roy’s boat. Kim turns around to sing a duet and it’s instant Kismet! Love at first sight. Kim gives Roy a peck on the cheek, and disappears into a rest room – leaving him in awe.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – SUZY’S STATION – CONTINUOUS
Suzy absently reaches into her CANDY JAR and it’s empty.
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Alice’s Setup/Payoffs
What I learned doing this assignment is
I like it, though I can’t see where to use it in one scene only, and would rather use it for the story.
Antagonist
Name: ANAUPSH
Traits: Concealing, Crafty, Treacherous, Evasive
Subtext: Evil
Protagonist
Name: THANAKH
Traits: Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
Subtext: Research, observation
EXT. BEFORE THE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Thanakh slowly walking comes from the left as Alarm Man in quick steps comes from the right. They meet before gates of Research Institute.
THANAKH
It’s late!
ALARM MAN
Alarm didn’t work.
THANAKH
You live like this, with alarm?
ALARM MAN
Why not? It always worked.
THANAKH
What lab are you in?
Man hesitates.
ALARM MAN
Why?
THANAKH
I meet you all the time. I am the Head of the Lab, but I don’t know anyone except those from my lab, and maybe some from nearby ones.
ALARM MAN
Nothing special, just a lab worker.
He starts walking alley to the entrance.
THANAKH
Don’t go into that area…
ALARM MAN
That’s where I work.
THANAKH
Be careful.
Man turns back, shooting answer.
ALARM MAN
It’s a home. People live there.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
This man is tied up, his moth stuck. Behind him two other men tied up same manner, unconscious. ONE SCIENTIST (54) (with strict intelligent face), enters, and sees the picture.
SCIENTIST
Leave them!
ANAUPSH
Because I’m wrong!
Male Assistant shoots scientist from behind. But it already worked, and man gets Separated.
MALE ASSISTANT
I swear, I killed him, I swear!
He observes Separated body of a Scientist with vertical slot across his face keeping same expression, standing firmly as he was, in utter disbelieve, still holding up the gun he just used.
They come up to tied up man who screams with tied mouth. Return back to the table.
MALE ASSISTANT
What should we do?
ANAUPSH
I don’t know, if only to bury him under the table.
She picks up documentation material from the table and starts checking.
MALE ASSISTANT
Why should I do this?
ANAUPSH
Do. Or maybe I need to kill?
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What I learned from this assignment. I have a clearer understanding of the theory of setups and payoffs. I had to do a mash-up of several scenes in order to make this work. This is new to me. In truth, I have been only writing instinctively. The analysis helped me to see where I could be stronger in ensuring the audience got the message that was intended.
MAIN CHARACTER
SARAH WARWICK 30ish, single mother, middle class with a beer budget and champagne taste. She is permanently stressed, struggles to maintain her status quo. Just out of an on and off relationship with art prof RAY.
After I wrote this piece of work, I had to cut all the transitional scenes to make this short enough for an assignment.
SITUATION SET UP
SARAH WARWICK has just lost her job as her place of work is closing down. She is a single mother, To 5-year-old Eli. She is a stylish urban woman. Her friends enjoy the urban lifestyle, going to wine bars and the symphony.
EXT.LARGE OLD HOUSE-DAY-ESTABLISHING
A large sign reads Hearts and Hands Seniors Society. Staff (younger people) and a group of senior citizens take boxes and household objects from the house to a moving truck, some of them place boxes in cars. An elderly lady is sitting on the porch crying. People chat as they help each other close down the senior citizen’s social house. A YOUNG WOMAN wearing a suit appears to be in charge.
SARAH WARWICK a thirty-something mental health worker is directing the move out from the senior’s social center.
SARAH
Over here, put that one in the truck. Thanks, you are such a great help. We are almost done. Let’s head on over to the restaurant for our farewell lunch.
CHARLIE WUTNEY A noticeably elderly Aboriginal man approaches Sarah. Charlie opens a folded bandana he has in his hand, to reveal a silver eagle on a thin piece of deerskin leather.
CHARLIE
This is for you Sarah, it’s just a little something to say thank you. It belonged to my grandmother, she was a powerful medicine woman. Wear it when you need a little help. Then watch out for an eagle to show up.
Sarah hugs Charlie
SARAH
Thank you. It’s beautiful. Your grandmother’s? Are you sure Charlie? We don’t often get eagles here in the city, though we could sure use an eagle about now.
CHARLIE
Maybe it oughta be a horse? Had a dream about a horse last night. Couldn’t figure it out. Maybe it was the pickles I ate with my poutine. Maybe it was the poutine, too much gravy giving me wild horse dreams. This morning I had a brilliant breakfast, cold pizza, and coke, my fave eh Sarah That caffeine fires up my old brain. Then I had this epiphany. You are going on a journey. That’s the meaning of the horse dream.
SARAH
I am going to miss you my friend and especially your stories. I’ll still be here in the city though, I am a city girl for sure Charlie. Maybe we’ll run into each other.
CHARLIE
No, I am going to stay with my sister. Heading out to Las Vegas on the Greyhound. Gonna play the slots, see some shows. And you are not going to be here either Sarah. My horse dream says you are going on a journey, a real big journey that is much more than going from one place to another. Look for eagles, Sarah.
INT.SARAH’S HOUSE/DAY
CLAIRE LEBLANC, Sarah’s friend is on the other end of the phone with Sarah.
SARAH
It was bloody awful Claire. I cried through the whole moving, closing down fiasco. I even cried at the luncheon. And there is the not-so-small matter of not having a job. Love you, gotta go and make supper, bye.
Talking out loud to herself, ignoring ELI.
God, I have to find a job soon or it will be Mr. Noodle for supper. Never mind McDonald’s. This paper is ready for the bin, it’s a week old.
Sarah focuses on what she is reading and talks slowly.
Oh my God, there’s a job fair for hospital staff. Holy crap, it’s on now! How can that be? It closes at 5. O.K. Eli, McDonald’s it is. Get a clean T-shirt on, super fast.
INT.CONVENTION HALL
Sarah approaches one of the few tables left. A display poster is advertising jobs in the Yukon.
Talking out loud to herself quietly, in a frantic tone.
God, it’s the bloody North Pole. We don’t want to go there. Where are the jobs in the city? I’m sure there isn’t a Starbucks or a wine bar. What would we do? I’d go completely mad.
The H.R. lady takes her resume.
H.R. LADY
Are you interested in the far North? We have a good school you know, and the northern pay scale is very generous.
SARAH
Is there daycare available? A health food grocery perhaps?
H.R. LADY
Well (laughing) a healthy lifestyle is what we have in abundance. Do you like canoeing or perhaps snowshoeing.? And we have really healthy wild organic meat. Moose stew is a local favorite
SARAH
V.O. Dear God, please let me get a proper job in the City. This is a completely mad, nonstarter for them and for me.
SARAH
Thanks, look forward to hearing from you.
Sarah gives a fake smile. Sarah and Eli start to walk quickly to the exit.
V.O. SARAH. Well, that was a bloody waste of time. I wonder how much they pay?
INT.WINE BAR/EVENING
CLAIRE Married, has two kids, works in a bank.
CLAIRE So are we getting season’s tickets for the symphony?
SARAH
I can’t commit to anything except next month’s rent. Not until I get this job thing sorted. So far the only possible glimmer of light is a job in the Yukon. And I don’t bloody want to go. They haven’t called me yet. I am scared shitless they will, and I am scared shitless they won’t.
PORTIA Sarah’s friend from University, a lawyer, married no kids. Pretentious, competitive, and neurotic.
PORTIA
Don’t go then. Wait, something will turn up. Go on the pogey. You could go to my family’s cabin on the lake, hang out there. I pay my cleaning lady 20 dollars an hour. You could do my house cleaning for a while.
INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM/NIGHT
SPLIT SCREEN
Sarah’s parents are singing Happy Birthday.
SARAH
Mom? Dad? yes, it’s just after midnight here. I know it’s about 8 in the morning where you are Thank you for the birthday song. Just very, very tired. I told you about the senior’s center; it closed a couple of days ago.
DOROTHY WARWICK a middle-aged, middle-class woman, with an uptight vibe, hair makeup, and jewelry from the 90’s talks to Sarah.
DOROTHY WARWICK
We thought we would send you a subscription to Country Life and a Marks and Spencer’s overseas treat hamper.
SARAH
Thanks, Mom. Can I have a word with Dad, please? Hi there Dad. I was wondering if this year you could send me some cash for my birthday. I’m laid off, not much yet in the way of a sensible job.
VICTOR WARWICK ex-military, successful businessman, Lions member. Has an arrogant air about him. Wearing a three-piece banker’s suit and a tie. Holding a cup and saucer in one hand, phone in the other. Victor wanted a son, not a daughter.
VICTOR WARWICK
Are you asking for money Sarah? How much?
SARAH
How much? It’s going to take me a couple of months. I will get a bit from unemployment, pogey you know. Can you manage a thousand?
Victor puts the cup and saucer down, looks depressed, puts his hand to his forehead, and speaks in an incredulous tone.
VICTOR
A thousand dollars?
SARAH
No, I meant a thousand pounds, not dollars.
VICTOR
You were the first divorce in the family. Our friends were quite shocked. Your poor Mother was so embarrassed. No, I am afraid there won’t be any money Sarah.
SARAH
Dad, I was laid off, the center closed down. I cannot just magic up a job. It’s not my fault. Surely to God …Dad, Dad?
Sarah falls back on her bed. Drops the phone on the floor.
SARAH. CONTD.
And I love you too! Miserable buggers.
Sarah puts the pillow over her face.
INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM/MORNING
Claire, it’s me. They called. I got the job, Oh God. They have couriered the contract. I can’t think what to do.
OK gotta go volunteering at the Seniors Lunch and bingo. Lucky me. Jesus Claire, I can’t believe this is happening to me. It’s crazy and it’s not just the money. I really just don’t want to go. It’s like I’m between a rock and a fucking hard place. They have given me 24 hours to review it You know they eat moose up there. God. Eli wants to see bears, He thinks they are cool. I phoned a lady called Bonnie, my possible future assistant. She says you can drive to the dump, the dump! and watch bears. Did I mention the bear door? Our cabin has a bear door. It s has a sliding solid wood window cover. You have to open it and look for bears before you open the door. That’s some reality baby.
INT.PORTIA’S HOUSE/EVENING
The friends are having drinks, and discussing their situations.
RAY Sarah’s old, on and off boyfriend, a University art professor has dropped by. They are talking in private on the patio.
RAY
Look, you don’t know what you are getting into. It’s dangerous up there in many ways you don’t even have any clue about yet. The northern communities can be volatile, lots of drug abuse issues. And there’s the climate, That’s why I brought this, I used it when I was up there,on a three-month cultural exchange. You will be able to feel your eyeballs freezing in your head, and I am not kidding.
RAY takes a large camouflage army parka from a garbage bag.
RAY cont
Got it from the Army surplus store. This is what the army dudes use. The fur around the edge is wolf, politically incorrect yes, however, it’s the only fur that won’t freeze to your skin. And this, I want you to have this, it’s my gas card. There’s about 300 dollars on it. You’re going to need it. Sorry, there’s some small ciggy burns on the coat and a few gobs of paint. I am going to miss you. You’re a brave girl. Never a dull moment. Now put this parka on and show the girls.
SARAH
Sarah enters the living room, she is walking like a penguin, the hood is zipped up into a little fur outlined tunnel around her face. Sarah stands silently, waiting for the girls to notice her outfit.
CLAIRE
Things can’t be that bad. I noticed Eli was wearing little golf shirts with expensive designer logos.
PORTIA
My dear, Sarah told me she got them at the Church Bring and Buy sale; they are second hand for God’s sake. What’s next, second-hand shoes for the poor kid.?
Sarah speaks firmly and loudly through the parka tunnel.
SARAH
We are going to the Yukon.
Sarah makes eye contact with Portia and speaks in a calm, firm voice.
Portia, thanks for the evening in your lovely house. Eli and I will be living in a log cabin, surrounded by mountains, rivers, wild animals, and all manner of adventures and excitement. You will be here in your boring suburban life. You are BTW a stuck-up, pretentious, narrow-minded bitch! And you can fuck right off with your cleaning lady job!
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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Day 5 – Anita’s Dramatic Devices Setup/Payoffs
What I learned doing this assignment: I am out of town for a few days, and don’t want to fall behind. So I wrote the outlines here of 3 scenes that would fulfill this assignment and am posting it as-is, even though incomplete.
Character 1 Name: DIANNA WOZNIAK
Traits: Intelligent, Manipulative, Self-confident, Bad-tempered
Subtext: Evil / Immoral, no moral center or self-restraint. Dianna is the ultimate product of her parents’ genetics – she is both brilliant and damaged. Her intellectual abilities actually enable her lack of need for human connection, ratcheting up an in-born propensity for being a sociopath with Disassociate Disorder.
Character Logline: Dianna is a brilliant but psychologically twisted young woman with abandonment issues who kills her biological father Cyrus, allowing his kidney to become the life-saving transplant her mother needs.
Character 2 Name: Judge Cyrus Kilner,
Traits: Image-Conscious Narcissist, Hypocrite, Manipulative, Workaholic
Subtext: The more he wants to be perceived as perfect, the more willing he is to do whatever it takes to hide his imperfections. He was instrumental in forming <st1:state w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Texas</st1:place></st1:state>’s anti-abortion law, even though he wanted Dianna’s mother to have an abortion.
Character Logline: Cyrus is a narcissist who won’t let anything – not even ethics – stand in the way of his pursuit to become a power-wielding judge.
Possible areas of subtext: Dianna can’t connect emotionally with her adoptive parents or her boyfriend or even coworkers.
Setups: Foreshadowing upcoming events.
Payoffs: Twists the story in a new direction.
SCENE(s) OUTLINE:
In Cyrus Kilner’s habitual practice to retrieve his newspaper outside the elaborate gates of his ‘McMansion’, and while gloating over the headlines announcing his Judgeship, a car passes too close bobbling his coffee onto his pajamas and robe (foreshadowing).
Later, Dianna’s parents congratulate her on getting her driver’s license, and as Dianna drives around she comes to the block where Cyrus lives driving slowly enough for us to recognize his elaborate house gate from earlier.
End of film: Dianna drives to the early morning appointment she has set to meet her mother. We see a man bending over outside his ‘McMansion’ gates to get the morning paper – we recognize him as Cyrus. Brakes Squeal. Blackout. We learn in the next scene Judge Cyrus Kilner is dead from a hit-and-run.
EXT. CYRUS’ HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
EXT. DIANNA’S PARENT HOUSE – AFTERNOON
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>SUBURBAN STREET</st1:address></st1:street> – EARLY MORNING
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Kate’s Set Ups / Payoffs.
What I learned doing this assignment was how in writing dialogue their needs, subtext, and game playing/delusions are amplified through this lens of set up/payoff.
And there can be a set up that has its big payoff (s) way later.
CHARACTERS
NIA – Kind, Hopeful, Manic, Principled, (In Denial, Self-censoring)
Subtext this scene- to believe that she now has the dad she’s dreamed of
DARROGH – Greedy, Supremely confident, Smooth, (Lonely, Suspicious)
Subtext this scene – for his daughter to love and be loyal to him (unlike her Mother)
Set Up B. Mislead the audience.
Pay off A. Surprise the audience.
and Pay off D. Twist the story in a new direction.
Set Up A. Foreshadow upcoming events.
For Payoffs the rest of the Film (scenes to come)
C. Add new meaning to the setup.
D. Twist the story in a new direction.
E. Provide closure.
OUTLINE
INT. DARROGH’S PALATIAL HOUSE
Darrogh invited Nia to his house one evening – tells Nia she is his daughter and he is so happy to find her after these years. Talks about how beautiful her Mother was, how Nia looks just like her. Invites her to move in, Nia is over the moon. Her long lost father! She accepts.
She overlooks his proprietary, domineering attitude.
This scene sets up the entire journey for Nia and Darrogh – that this ideal ‘father-daughter finding each other’ is not based on truth.
THE SCENE
INT. DARROGH’S PALATIAL HOUSE- EARLY EVENING
Nia is in awe of this beautiful place and Darrogh is proud to show her around. They are finishing the ‘tour’ and have arrived in the living room.
DARROGH
So, you can see I’ve put a lot of effort into this place. Not just the money, but every detail thought through and meticulously executed.
NIA
It is perfect! It’s like, like the best set I’ve ever been on.
DARROGH
Set?
NIA
Yes! For ‘The Theatre’! The set designer and director and then the set dresser work with the script – the story – and they choose what to put where. It’s all very carefully laid out, the entrances and exits. The details of furniture, props, what colors.
DARROGH
And all that because?
NIA
So the audience knows just where they are, who the characters are by their surroundings, by their place, and what it means.
DARROGH
Interesting. What do you see when you see my ‘set’?
NIA
I see a man with eclectic taste, who likes to have things. He can afford them so he has them.
DARROGH
They’re beautiful things, right? And very valuable, no rubbish here. Nothing that isn’t rare and unique.
NIA
Oh yes, of course. You have a good eye I can see that.
DARGOGH
I’m forgetting my manners. Would you like a drink?
NIA
Oh no. I should be getting back to Camp. But thank you. This was a lovely tour. I really appreciate it.
DARROGH
I wanted you to see it, particularly. I, um. Please just a glass of wine.
He is oddly vulnerable and Nia responds to that.
NIA
Well, yes. That’d be lovely. I don’t think anyone will really miss me. Although Sarah was a bit jealous she didn’t get to come.
Darrogh takes a fine red out of the cabinet, two cut crystal wine glasses, expertly removes the cork and pours as he speaks.
DARROGH
Yes. I’m sure she was. Everyone wants to see this house. I don’t ask many people.
This is one of my best reds. I’m sure you’ll appreciate it. Here
He hands her one of the glasses.
Nia is a bit taken aback. She’s not a red drinker and wasn’t asked but she is a good guest.
NIA
Oh yes.. Thank you.
DARROGH
To your visit here! May it be all that you hope it will be.
Darrogh takes a sip and regards her carefully as she takes one. Nia makes the appropriate ‘yummy’ face. She is after all an actress.
NIA
Oh, very good. A nice – finish. Do you mean my visit to this community or to this house?
DARROGH
(dismissively of the town)
Oh, my house – of course.
NIA
Hmm. I didn’t really have any hopes coming here. Just curious… Why me? I don’t get that usual ‘older guy’ vibe from you.
DARROGH
(amused)
‘Older guy vibe’?
NIA
You know, coming on to younger – much younger – women. I could be your daughter!
Darrogh is a bit taken back. He’s not used to this age group’s directness. And it is right on the nose.
NIA
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s just that, well I’ve had to learn to read that. Being in the ‘show biz’ world (a bit) and being, looking, how I do. There’s plenty of creeps out there.
Darrogh recovers.
DARROGH
I am sure there are and yes. Looking like you do. And that’s why I invited you.
Nia steps back. She is suddenly very uncomfortable. Has she misread this man after all?
DARROGH
I am sure you are looking for the exits on this set! But please don’t worry. Sit, please. And I’ll tell you why I invited you. You read the ‘vibe’ right.
Nia hesitates and then sits, pointedly, at the far end of the sofa near a door/exit.
NIA
By the exit.
DARROGH
Yes.
There is a pause. Darrogh takes another sip. Nia sits very still and watches him.
NIA
Are you going to sit?
DARROGH
No – I’ll stand over here – by my exit.
He is closer to the other doorway into the room.
Nia grins.
NIA
Sounds fair.
There is a pause.
NIA
Your cue.
DARROGH
Cue?
NIA
Yes. After my line then it’s your turn.
DARROGH
Ah, yes. I don’t know where to start.
NIA
‘Looking like I do’… Why you invited me?
Darrogh takes a breath and plunges in, with poise however.
DARROGH
I have a beautiful house with beautiful things in it. But it is empty. The most beautiful, precious thing I ever had isn’t here. You remind me.
NIA
I don’t know ….
She is staring at him now. Some memory stirring.
DARROGH
You – are my daughter.
Nia gasps. Almost spills her wine. Catches it. Darrogh moves quickly to help her. Sits beside her.
DARROGH
It was such a shock to see you. You’re just like – her.
He touches her hair gently, paternally, longingly.
DARROGH
Your hair, the shape of your face, that tilt to the chin. I couldn’t believe it when you walked on stage last night.
NIA
You’re my father? My Dad? Oh, my Dad.
She starts to cry. Darrogh holds her awkwardly for a long time until she gathers herself.
Nia sits back and looks at him with joyful wonder.
Then with a real laugh.
NIA
Where the fuck have you been?
DARROGH
Hiding I guess. But I missed you every day. I just couldn’t…
NIA
I know. After Mom died. Nanna told me. I want to know all about you – your life, what you’ve been doing. Nanna and Grandpa said you were doing wonderful things in the world, really hard work and lots of traveling.
DARROGH
It did. I was. But I sent money. I made sure you had everything you needed.
NIA
Yes. Yes, you did and now I have you!
She hugs him tightly. That’s what she really needed.
Darrogh hugs her back and then sets her away from him so he can see her.
DARROGH
This house needs you. You belong here. I could build the set but it was waiting for the actress
NIA
You knew I was an actress?
DARROGH
I knew you went to drama school. I didn’t know where you were. I sure as hell didn’t expect you to appear on some tiny wooden stage in a field right where I live!
NIA
That must have been huge!!
DARROGH
Yes. I thought I’d seen a ghost.
NIA
Not a ghost. Me. Nia. Amahla’s daughter.
DARROGH
My daughter. And now, you can move into my home, with me.
Nia is delighted. This is a dream come true.
NIA
Can’t think of anything I want more! I’ll go back to the Camp, stay one more night, say goodbye and be back tomorrow.
DARROGH
Don’t let me down, Nia. Your Mother
-. I can’t go through that again.
NIA
Don’t worry, Dad! I’m as healthy as they come. I won’t get sick, I promise.
Darrogh grabs her hand.
DARROGH
Stay with me.
NIA
Of course. Of course. You’re my Dad. We have a lot to catch up on and stories to tell.
She hugs him again, her head buried in his chest. Darrogh looks over her head, something hard in his face, even as he holds her tenderly.
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PS81 – Dana’s Setup/Payoff
What I learned from this assignment:
I learned to add small items into my script/dialogue to suggest multiple possibilities and mislead the audience and used foreshadowed events with my larger plot points. When the payoff arrives in a subsequent scene, it gave new meaning to the information my protagonist learned and created nervous excitement for the audience.
Characters:
Name: Ellen Landry
Traits: Sympathetic/kind, Hopeful, Ambitious Anxious/Insecure
Subtext Logline: Ellen is forced to play a dangerous, on-air game of life and death to save her kidnapped family from a violent ex-patient.
Name: Jack Sorensen
Traits: confident, controlling, cynical/sarcastic, compassionate
Subtext Logline: Jack Sorenson is assigned to the investigation and must strengthen Ellen to keep her engaged with the suspect to save her family.
OUTLINE:
SETUP
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
BEGINNING: Det. Sorensen is introduced to Ellen Landry for the first time. He’s come to investigate the phone call she received from her ex-patient, Jason. They discuss Jason’s patient history and Sorensen learns Jason was diagnosed DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder).
MIDDLE: Sorensen questions Ellen about her family – husband’s job; children’s school. Sorensen informs Ellen how he intends to investigate. They’ll check on her family’s safety first to put her mind at ease. He leaves telling her not to worry, but she’s on pins and needles. At the very last, Sorensen gets the phone number Jason used to call the station.
END: Sorenson calls his lieutenant (in another room) and discusses how to approach the investigation. Sorensen tells his lieutenant he thinks the husband might be fooling around. His lieutenant labels him a cynic. They agree to find the kids first, then the husband. And call Jason’s new psychiatrist for more background.
PAYOFF (there are scenes between this setup/payoff that have been posted in a previous assignment)
INT. TECH ROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Sorenson is listening to Jason’s call with a technician. He gets at call from his lieutenant with bad news. Dr. Ellen’s daughters did not arrive at their school and the husband didn’t show up for work.
MIDDLE: Sorensen learns Jason’s new psychiatrist hasn’t seen Jason in a month. He’s off his meds, and his identities are taking over. They launch a full investigation to find the kids, the husband and Jason.
END: After his lieutenant informs tells Sorensen he gave the department a wrong number to verify, Sorensen checks a note placed in his binder and realized the number Jason used to call the station belongs to Roger Landry – Dr. Ellen’s husband. He suddenly realizes Jason has kidnapped Dr. Ellen’s family.
SCRIPT:
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
ELLEN
— they’ll always be your children, Rachel, even on the days you’d like to give’em back. Thank you for your call.
Ellen sees Pete lead Sorensen into the control booth.
She hear’s the BUMPER MUSIC start.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
And we’ll be right back after this news break. This is the Dr. Ellen Show, KCSF, 1360 AM, San Francisco.
CLAIRE
(on headphones)
Okay. We’re out.
Through the glass, we see Sorensen ask permission, and Pete leads him into the On Air Studio.
Ellen removes her headset.
PETE
Ellen? This is Detective Sorensen.
SORENSEN
Good morning, Dr. Landry.
Ellen acknowledges him with a nervous smile.
SORENSEN (CONT’D)
Your station manager gave me the Cliff Notes, but I need to ask you a few more questions. Is that okay? Do we have time?
PETE
We’re in a news break.
Sorensen opens his binder and begins taking notes.
SORENSEN
Let’s start with your patient. What’s his name?
ELLEN
Jason Petrie. But he’s no longer my patient. I transferred his care to Linda Sullivan at St. Francis a few months before I closed my practice.
SORENSEN
Did he threaten you? Is he violent?
ELLEN
No, nothing like that. Jason was very passive and introverted. Even his identities never exhibited anti-social or violent behavior.
SORENSEN
Identities?
ELLEN
Jason was diagnosed DID in college.
(explaining)
Dissociative Identity Disorder.
SORENSEN
I’m well-versed of the disorder. This is San Francisco.
ELLEN
Dr. Sullivan is on the cutting edge of diagnosis and treatment for DID. I felt Jason would be better served under her care.
SORENSEN
Has he ever contacted or tried to contact you before today?
ELLEN
Not that I know of, no.
SORENSEN
He just, out of the blue, called your show to threaten your family? Is that something he would do?
ELLEN
It’s out of character.
CLAIRE
(loud)
He sounded like he was fighting with somebody.
Sorensen glances at Claire, then back to Ellen.
SORENSEN
There’s someone else involved?
Ellen shrugs, unsure.
ELLEN
DID patient identities can share consciousness and interact with each other at the same time.
SORENSEN
He was fighting with himself?
ELLEN
Something like that.
SORENSEN
Is it possible he’s developing another identity?
ELLEN
You’d have call Karen — Dr. Sullivan.
CLAIRE
Two minutes.
SORENSEN
Was he institutionalized?
ELLEN
Jason is homeless. One of our many.
SORENSEN
What about family? Friends?
ELLEN
He has a sister in Memphis, but I’d have to check his patient file for her name. It’s on my laptop.
SORENSEN
Could I take a peek?
ELLEN
I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m still bound by doctor-patient confidentiality.
SORENSEN
It was worth a shot.
(he smiles)
And since he called, you haven’t heard from your husband? Is that right? What’s his name?
ELLEN
Roger Landry.
SORENSEN
When was last time you spoke to him?
ELLEN
On my way to work. His car wouldn’t start, and he was waiting for Uber to take our row daughters to school before heading to work.
SORENSEN
Where does he work?
ELLEN
He teaches at Berkeley. He’s an associate professor in the math department. He has two classes every Monday.
SORENSEN
What’s his cell number?
Ellen can’t remember.
SORENSEN (CONT’D)
It’s okay. I can’t remember my own.
Ellen opens her phone and shows him the number.
ELLEN
That’s it.
He scribbles.
SORENSEN
And what are your daughters’ names?
ELLEN
Samantha. She’s twelve. And Mackenzie is ten.
SORENSEN
Where do they go to school?
ELLEN
Berkeley Day Academy.
SORENSEN
That’s a good school.
ELLEN
I’ve called the administration office several times, but they haven’t checked in yet.
SORENSEN
If your husband was late, they may have run to class without checking in.
CLAIRE
Thirty second.
SORENSEN
Here’s what we’ll do. We’ll ask Berkeley PD send a unit to your daughters’ school to do a check. Keep calling your husband. We’ll call his department and have them track him down. If he’s in class, he may have turned off his phone and forgot to turn it back on.
(beat)
And try not to worry. I know that’s easy to say. But this could just be a simple communication screw-up.
ELLEN
Okay. Thank you.
They return to the control booth. Pete closes the door.
Ellen puts on her headset. Big breath.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
SORENSEN
Do you have the phone number Jason used to call the station.
CLAIRE
Yes.
Claire writes the number on a sticky note.
SORENSEN
(to Pete)
I need to call my department. And I want to here the call.
PETE
I’ll set you up.
Claire hands Sorensen the note.
INSERT NOTEBOOK – Sorensen pastes the sticky note with Jason’s over the husband’s phone number.
SORENSEN
(to Claire)
Try to keep her calm.
Pete leads Sorensen out.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen listens to the BUMPER MUSIC intro, waiting to take the next call.
CLAIRE
(on headset)
It’s going to be okay. The police are here now. I’m sure Roger and the girls are going to be fine.
Ellen smiles at Claire and nods. She’s not sure.
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
Honey, we can always play a best of Dr. Ellen.
Ellen tries to laugh, holding back tears.
ELLEN
We don’t have any of those.
(beat)
I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.
Claire counts down the clock and points to Ellen.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
And welcome back to the Dr. Ellen Show. Let’s go right to the phones. We have Rachel in Daly City. Hello, Rachel. How can I help you today?
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Sorensen on his phone.
PHIL (O.S.)
(on phone)
So what do you want to do?
SORENSEN
Let’s concentrate on the kids. If they’re in class, then we have an idea what’s really happening.
PHIL (O.S.)
What are you thinking?
SORENSEN
His car won’t start. Ubers to work. In class all day. Not answering his phone — He may not what his wife to know where he is.
PHIL (O.S.)
You’re a cynic.
SORENSEN
I’m a cop.
PHIL (O.S.)
What about her patient? This Jason guy?
SORENSEN
He’s a fruit loop. Sherlock Holmes one day. Rip Van Winkle the next. Let’s call this other shrink to get some background, but don’t jump any hurdles until we have to.
PHIL (O.S.)
All right. I’ll get We’re on it.
INT. TECH ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Lots of servers and computers. Sorensen and a TECHNICIAN are standing, listening to the recording of Jason’s call through speakers.
JASON
(on speaker)
If you don’t help me, he says he’s going to hurt one of them.
(beat)
YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!
(to another person)
No! I won’t! You can’t make me! You can’t MAKE ME!
(beat)
No! No…!
A SCUFFLE. Jason fighting with someone.
The call ends.
TECHNICIAN
That’s it?
SORENSEN
I’ve heard better obscene phone calls. Can you make me a copy?
TECHNICIAN
Sure.
He presses a button and puts a CD into a slot and begins to burn a copy.
Sorensen’s PHONE RINGS.
SORENSEN
Go ahead, Phil. What have you got?
PHIL (O.S.)
(on phone)
You’re not going to like this.
(beat)
Berkeley PD called. The girls aren’t in school. They never arrived.
SORENSEN
Shit.
PHIL (O.S.)
And campus police said Roger Landry didn’t show up to class. Nobody’s seen him.
SORENSEN
Oh, fuck!
PHIL (O.S.)
It get’s worse. The shrink hasn’t seen Jason Petrie in over a month. He’s missed three sessions, and he hasn’t refilled his prescriptions. She said when he goes off his meds, he falls into a depression. That’s when the identities take over.
The air leaves Sorensen body. It’s the worse news. He stays quiet, thinking.
PHIL (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Jack? What do you want to do?
SORENSEN
Amber Alert on the two girls. APB on Jason and the husband.
TECHNICIAN
(whispered)
Holy shit.
SORENSEN
Start checking shelters, clinics, hospital, anywhere Jason may have been seen in the past week. And contact Uber. Let’s find out if one of their drivers actually picked up the family. This could still be the dad.
PHIL (O.S.)
Jesus. You are a cynic. What about Dr. Landry?
SORENSEN
I’ll bring her to the station. We’ll set up command there.
PHIL
FBI?
SORENSEN
Down the road.
PHIL (O.S.)
Okay, We’ll get up.
(beat)
Oh, wait! Jack? Don’t hang up. There’s one more thing. The phone number you gave us. The one Jason used to call the station. It’s the wrong number.
SORENSEN
Wait. What?
Sorensen opens his binder on a table to double-checks.
PHIL
We checked with the carrier. The number is registered to Roger Landry — Dr. Ellen’s husband.
INSERT NOTEPAD – Sorensen’s finger flips the sticky note back and forth. The number on the note and the number underneath are the same.
PHIL (O.S.) (CONT’D)
You gave us the wrong number.
Sorensen suddenly realizes — it’s not the wrong number.
SORENSEN
Son-of-a-bitch.
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Matthew Frendo’s Setup/Payoffs
What I learned doing this lesson was how to create setups and payoffs that make the script more engaging. It should make my scripts stronger for the reader and audience.
Name: Alicia
Traits: Compassionate, Brave, Crafty, Fearful
Subtext: Crafty
Character Logline: Alicia is a girl who has only been able to rely on herself her whole life and who doesn’t trust others anymore.
Name: Host
Traits: Ruthless, Power Hungry, Conspiring,
CharismaticSubtext: Conspiring
Character Logline: The Host has to deal with a
player outwitting his games for the first time ever and must find a way to make
her look bad to the audience to keep the power he has.EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT
The five players hear the loud cowbell and their shackles are unlocked.
They quickly take off their blindfolds and look around.
KRISTEN
Holy shit, this can’t be real.
(looking up at sky)
Sorry for cussing.
ALICIA (27) rolls her eyes as she surveys the group. Besides the very religious KRISTEN (22), there is JOSH (36), bespectacled and overweight, punk rock girl JOCELYN (47), scrawny NICK (32), the elder SANDRA (82), hippie-stoner STAN (35) and hardened, tattooed SINCLAIR (26).
JOSH
What the fuck? What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck?
KRISTEN
Can you not swear please? Some of us are Christian.
Jocelyn throws a lump of dirt at her.
KRISTEN
Hey!
Jocelyn just scowls in response. Nick just sits there, rocking back and forth.
Stan closes his eyes tight.
STAN
This has to be a flashback. This has to be a flashback
He opens his eyes and they are still there. He closes them again.
STAN
This has to be a flashback. This has to be a flashback.
Just then, Stan looks up – and sees Sinclair coming at him fast.
STAN
Aah!
Stan jumps out the way just in time…as Sinclair pulls up a snake from where Stan was sitting by the neck.
SINCLAIR
(looking at snake)
Black Mamba. One of the most poisonous snakes in the world.
STAN
Holy crap!
Sinclair kills the snake and drops it.
SINCLAIR
You never watch the hunt before?
STAN
I’m a lover, man, not a fighter.
SINCLAIR
You’re a dead man, then.
Sinclair looks at them all, pacing in front of them as patriotic music plays in the background.
SINCLAIR
I don’t know how many others are “peace” people–
(looks disgusted at Stan)
–but this is the Monster Hunt. In 30 years, only one person has made it out alive. And he was stronger than all of you.
The others look at each other, petrified.
SINCLAIR
But unlike others, you have a better chance…if we work as a team. The reason no one survived before was they battled alone. But I’m here. I’ve been in the military and know how to run a battle team. And I have never lost. All you have to do is follow my lead for the night and we all will make it out.
They start to smile and breathe again.
SINCLAIR
It won’t be easy, but it can be done. I have come up with a plan that will let the rest of you live, even if I don’t. Let’s go over it now, before the first monster is released. This is the safest time we’ll have for the rest of the night–
CRUNCH! WSSSHHH! Right then, a large Venus Fly Trap sitting nearby chomps off the top half of Sinclair’s body and flings it back, throwing it across the park.
KRISTEN
Aah!
The group jumps up in fear. They all start to run.
Sandra can’t keep up.
WITH GROUP–
Jocelyn looks back and sees Sandra struggling…and the flytrap getting ready again.
She stops.
JOCELYN
Dammit!
Kristen looks back, manic.
KRISTEN
You can’t go back!
JOCELYN
Aren’t you supposed to be the Christian?
Jocelyn starts going back.
KRISTEN
God dammit!
(looking up)
Sorry.
Then she goes back to help Jocelyn. The two help Sandra up and start walking with her to the rest of the group.
KRISTEN
Don’t worry. God will keep us alive.
JOCELYN
Listening to this might be worse than death.
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Day 5: Setups and Payoffs – ASSIGNMENT
Mike O – Setup/Payoffs
What I learned doing this assignment is the set-ups and payoffs and their chains create the subliminal threads that the audience and reader grasp then marvel at. I am a big believer in setups and payoff. Used them from day one.
Create a scene with at least 2 setups and 2 payoffs. Setup/payoff is used in every genre. If you leave it out, the movie feels as if it’s just a bunch of unrelated scenes strung together. Your setups and payoffs are what hold the movie together.
I. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
Brooklyn traits Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Subtext Character: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain, her loss.
II. Look through your outline, find a scene that you could use today’s technique on. Preferably a scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
III. Write a brief outline of the scene. Whatever happens in the end of the scene needs to be setup in the beginning. Simply select one from each category below for your setup/payoff combination.
Setups:
A. Foreshadow upcoming events.
B. Mislead the audience.
C. Challenge the characters.
D. Be the basis for future solutions.Payoffs:
A. Surprise the audience.
B. Create excitement.
C. Add new meaning to the setup.
D. Twist the story in a new direction.
E. Provide closure.IV, Once you’ve outlined it, write the scene.
————————————————————
INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn undresses and casts various articles of clothing onto her bed. As CAMERA PULLS BACK, we discover Brooklyn, besides being a creature of habit, is quite the interior decorator.
The room is warm and feminine: rich colors and textures transition into one another. Appealing. Tasteful.
Brooklyn shimmies into her holiday pajamas, furry slippers, brushes a stray lock of hair from her eyes.
She strides out of the room without out so much as a glance in the mirror. Inadvertently, she kicks the cat’s flickable, ping-pong ball.
Brooklyn watches it ROLL, mutters:
BROOKLYN “You’re safe, ping. Cat’s run off. Just you and me now.”
She walks down the hallway, stops, turns around and retrieves the ping-pong ball. Scarred, she turns it over in her palm feeling and seeing all the teeth marks the cat’s left behind.
BROOKLYN “Come, it’s time you saw the Christmas tree and got into the holiday spirit. Nothing bad is going to happen, trust me.”
TIME CUT: KITCHEN — BROOKLYN POURING WINE. ON THE COUNTER, A CUTTING BOARD; ON IT, SMALL WEDGE OF CHEESE, CRACKERS AND A KNIFE. IN THE BACKGROUND, KENNY G. CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING.
Gathering up the mail and the cutting board, Brooklyn leaves the kitchen.
INT. LIVING ROOM — on a couch curled up in her favorite throw blanket. She stares out a window, into the falling snow.
In the corner of the room, her Christmas tree. As if on cue, the automatic timer turns ON. Tinseled and twinkling, it’s picture postcard perfect.
Resisting an urge to clap, Brooklyn salutes the tree with her wine glass. She ignores the fact there are no presents on the tree skirt.
She flips through the mail: pile for flyers and junk, another for bills.
Halfway through the stack, she is stopped by an envelop with a yellow, forwarding address sticker. HOLD ON return address.
INSERT – RETURN ADDRESS
“Mr. Alan Worthington, Esq. Worthington Law Offices 15 Main Street Wintergreen, Colorado”
BACK TO SCENE
She stares off a moment when it hits her. She TOSSES the envelope to the floor as if it were red hot. Struggling to remain calm, she takes several deep breaths: telling herself it couldn’t possibly be. No way.
BROOKLYN “I can’t take this right now.”
Brooklyn stares at the framed portrait of her mother on the coffee table next to a crystal candy dish.
INSERT – PHOTOGRAPH
Distinguished lady in a red turtle neck sweater striking a reflective pose for the camera. In the background, a fireplace with Christmas stockings hanging from the mantle.
BACK TO SCENE
Struggling to keep from tearing up, Brooklyn blows her mother a KISS.
BROOKLYN “Wish you were here, mom… I’m eating your favorite cheese. The fact she died in March from a brain tumor, doesn’t seem possible. “
BROOKLYN “Been nine months; it feels unreal.”
Brooklyn stares at the envelope lying on the hardwood floor, her expression conveys trepidation, even fear.
BROOKLYN “What do you want? You left, you abandoned me. Why now?”
Unwilling to face her fear, Brooklyn reaches for wine and the wedge of cheese on the cutting board.
She inadvertently knocks the ping-pong ball off the coffee table. Brooklyn watches the ball BOUNCE its way over to the Christmas tree and STOP at the edge of the green, felt skirt.
BROOKLYN “Guess I was wrong.”
The SETUP – Foreshadow of upcoming events
The PAYOFF – Twist the story in a new direction
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Antonio Flores’ Dramatic Devices Day 5 — Setup/Payoffs
What I learned doing this assignment:
Setups and payoffs help to establish cause-consequence relationships throughout the story. Everything happens for a reason. Yet, the non-linearity creates surprise and unexpected twists, among other things.
ASSIGNMENT
Create a scene with at least 2 setups and 2 payoffs.
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1. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
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CHARACTER 1: Parisa Nedellec, protagonist. A cheerleader coach who needs to become a fighter in the underground MMA to rescue her fiancé from the hands of a criminal ring led by The Ruler.
Traits: highly principled, perfectionist, extremely emotional… when nobody is looking, fearful / withdrawn, traumatized
Subtext: perfectionist, fearful / withdrawn
SCL: To rescue her fiancé, Parisa needs to quickly become a fighter — she doubts that the dancing strategy her uncle suggested may produce any results, but she doesn’t know how to express her disagreement.
CHARACTER 2: Sandy Estrella is Parisa’s bosom friend.
Basic character traits: Adventurous, impulsive, greedy, unpredictable
Subtext: greedy, unpredictable
SCL: Sandy envies Parisa for having the opportunity to fight in the cage — although Parisa’s uncle strategy sounds crazy to her, she “what the heck!” encourages Parisa to guinea-pig the plan, which she could eventually use as well.
====================
The key setup is a previous scene where Parisa’s uncle suggests that dancing is the fastest way for Parisa to become a fighter
SETUP: a challenge for the protagonist…
===================
SYLVAIN
Long ago, King Louis The Great… Ha! That guy…PARISA
What?SYLVAIN
He got it all just figured out. Voila! There! Best military training in the world.PARISA
Is it fast? Does it work?===================
SET UP: … as he warns:
===================
SYLVAIN
Might work… for youThen, that all connects with a series of setups and payoffs in this scene:
After her third fight in the underground MMA, Parisa returns badly beaten to the lockers.
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — FEMALE LOCKERS — NIGHT
Parisa lays down on a massage table. Sandy takes care of Parisa’s injuries.
PARISA
How bad is it?===================
SETUP: This question helps establish a dependence relationship among Parisa and Sandy. It also foreshadows that when the dependence is over, the relationship might be over, too. It veils Sandy’s subtext as she covertly uses Parisa to pursue her greedy aspirations to become a fighter.
===================
SANDY
(winces)
Uh, let’s see. Aw… molly-holly…! Does it hurt, Bubbles?Parisa nods. Holds her tears.
Sandy gets a well-supplied first aid kit.
PARISA
It’s bad, uh?Sandy does not reply.
PARISA (CONT’D)
Doctor, tell me the truth. How much longer do I have?===================
SETUP: This line foreshadows the tragic ending of the story.
===================
SANDY
Mmh, guess you’ll live, but hey, you must learn to fight sometime soon, uh?PARISA
Will I live long enough to be a fighter?Sandy patiently treats the wounds and bruises.
SANDY
Better hurry up, I’d say. By the way, how’s training going?PARISA
I…I don’t know. I need to be a fighter (sobs) and I, I don’t even know if I got what it takes, but (sobs)…SANDY
Hey, take it easy. Everything’s gonna—PARISA
No! The problem is I’m not a fighter! Oh my, what I was thinking! That (beat) that cage… Now what? I’m, I’m—SANDY
But you’re training, right?===================
SETUP: Sandy wants to know Parisa’s plan.
===================
PARISA
Dancing? Yes.SANDY
So you’ve got a goal and… what? Dancing?Sandy gets an ice pack from the kit. She shakes it, punches it, wraps it with gauze.
PARISA
My uncle believes that’s the fastest way for me to learn to fight.Sandy applies an ice pack to Parisa’s cheek.
SANDY
How come?Uh, hold this ice pack for me, OK? Don’t want your freckles get swollen.
PARISA
Thanks. (in pain) Aw-aw-waa…SANDY
What’s training like?PARISA
Just steps. Place your foot here, there. Step right, left. Wrap your partner’s leg. Oh, some boring bodywork, too.Sandy’s hands demonstrate familiarity treating cuts.
SANDY
Body… what?PARISA
Like turns, waves, arching… Aw, that hurts!SANDY
Sorry. I’ll be done in a minute, I promise.PARISA
If I failed as a fighter but somehow survived, I’d volunteer as guinea pig for brain damage therapies.SANDY
(giggles) Little Bubbles wanna be guinea piggy?
===================SETUP: Parisa doesn’t know that Sandy wants her to guinea-pig the method and if it works, who knows, she might use it as well. Sandy ignores that Sylvain pointed this method might work for Parisa (given her background in dance and cheerleading), but this may not necessarily work for anyone else.
===================
PARISA
All in the name of science. Who knows, I may even get my brain cured.SANDY
Then, what the heck! Sounds crazy, but those dancing lessons might work.PARISA
Why you think so?SANDY
‘Cos, uh, ‘cos your uncle is an experienced manager and, mmh, he… he wouldn’t lie to you.
Besides, I don’t think he enjoys watching you getting beaten in the cage, uh?PARISA
That, uh, I think that makes sense.SANDY
Of course, freckles! I said so.The two giggle, except that giggling hurts Parisa.
PARISA
Aw-aw… Oh, my!INT. MONTAGE 1: DANCE LESSONS — DAY
Parisa shows how charming she is in latin rhythms: salsa, tango and samba. Yet, dance lessons leave her with a sense of avoidance and guilt.
INT. MONTAGE 2: MARTIAL ARTS LESSONS — DAY
Parisa discovers that the dance coaches are masters of Chinese Shuaijiao (wrestling) and Brazilian Capoeira.
===================
PAYOFF: Now we know why Sylvain suggested these friends of his could help Parisa.
===================
INT. MONTAGE 3: MARTIAL ARTS LESSONS — DAY
The masters help Parisa build martial arts strengths from her cheerleader attributes: agility, coordination, sense of space-time, fast-twitch explosive muscles.
===================
PAYOFF: Now we know why Sylvain estimated that such an approach may work for Parisa, but it may not work for anybody else.
===================
INT. MONTAGE 3A: SANDY’S RESEARCH — DAY
— Sandy runs a search for unconventional fighters.
— She studies their moves.
SANDY
The way they dance…— ON SCREEN: Prince Naseem Hamed cool dance moves
— ON SCREEN: Prince Naseem Hamed dodging punches
— ON SCREEN: Prince Naseem Hamed winning by knockout over…
— ON SCREEN: … and over
SANDY (CONT’D)
… the way they fight, uh, Bubbles?===================
PAYOFF: Now we know why Sandy was so keen to know the details of Parisa’s training
===================
INT. MONTAGE 4: MARTIAL ARTS CAPOEIRA INSTRUMENTS — DAY
— Parisa discovers a type of spurs (knives) in Maestre Oliveira collection.
— Maestre Oliveira’s disciple wears the spurs. Cuts a dummy´s middle section, legs, and neck.
— Parisa does a butterfly shuanzi jumping kick. Chops a dummy’s neckINT. MONTAGE 4A: SANDY’S HIP-HOP FIGHTING STYLE
— Sandy adapts hip-hop moves to fighting.
— Walkman-knee attack a punching bag.
— Robot dance arm moves turned into punching bag drill
===================
SETUP: This is to mislead the audience into believing it would be very easy to use some dance steps to create fighting drills, yet, without the tactical knowledge of a professional coach, this approach might be ineffective.
===================
INT. MONTAGE 5: MARTIAL ARTS: ROPE DART — DAY
— Parisa observes the rope-dart.
— She awkwardly manipulates it.
— After several attempts throwing the dart and missing the target…
— She finally lands the dart on the bullseye.
INT. MONTAGE 6: MIXED MARTIAL LATIN — UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE
— Parisa dodges punches, limbo arching back to avoid a back spinning kick.
— Pinned down, she kicks back from floor Capoeira style. Knocks down opponent.
— Parisa tango steps and pins down the opponent.
— Parisa locks opponent’s neck to submission…
— Parisa’s arm gets raised — a win!
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PAYOFF: Surprise! Now we see that specific dance moves were specifically selected according to Parisa’s movement style to help her internalize defense-attack tactics
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by
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