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Day 4 Assignments
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Day IV: Characterization – Assignment
Mike O – Characters Live!
What I learned is… the process allows you to build your characters from a number of different vantage points. It gives you, the writer, a chance to really flesh out the protagonist or antagonist. Without being too on the nose.
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1. Look thru your outline, select a scene where you want ONE character to stand out from the others. My protagonist.
At a window table, BROOKLYN: porcelain-skinned, siren haired. Michelangelo would have sculpted her for David. Dreamy green eyes. Pretty in a reflective, brooding sort of way.
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2. Brainstorm ideas for the scene for each of these areas:
(Six Methods of Characterization)
1. How can I describe the character in an interesting way?
2. How can the character burst onto the scene?
3. What actions naturally fit this scene and the character?
4. What would a character with these traits say in this scene?
5. How might other characters describe this one?
6. What environment would show off who this character is?——————————————————-
3. Write an initial draft where that character stands out by having them burst on the scene, giving them a vivid introduction, expressing who they are through their dialogue, and having others talk about them. You may have as many characters in the scene as you want, but have your lead stand out through as many of the forms of characterization as you can.
Others talking about her: “She’s either inspired and frenetic, or quiet and contemplative. If asked, Brooklyn would say: ‘painting defines her, describes her purpose in life.”
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4. Take a break for a few hours, then read the initial draft & make any changes you’d like.
Before you stress out, you need to know that this can be easy. You’re just writing a scene. The only difference is that you are highlighting one character through characterization.
You can apply one of two strategies to write it: [1] Write a scene you like, then add characterization. [2] Design a lot of characterization for one of your characters, then build a scene around it.
SCENE:
INT. CAFE – LUNCH
CAMERA MOVES from table to table, through an upscale bistro from a waiter’s perspective. Fashionably dressed business professionals: eating, texting, talking between bites.
Fragments of a dozen conversations add to the pandemonium. It’s noisy, it’s Chicago, and as another holiday season approaches busy becomes a universal constant.
Faux antique wall clock over the receptionist’s desk reads quarter past twelve. Lunch in full swing.
A waiting line forms. Trendy, fickle, the moneyed crowd will be elsewhere in six months, sooner if another eatery opens.
At a window table, BROOKLYN: porcelain-skinned, siren haired. Michelangelo would have sculpted her for David. Dreamy green eyes. Pretty in a reflective, brooding sort of way.
Across the table from her, CAROLYN: confident, take-charge woman, with a slight weight issue. Bit of a matchmaker, she means well and mothers all her clients, especially Brooklyn — the daughter she never had.
CAROLYN “The big three-O, come Saturday. You are coming over, aren’t you? You can bring Brian, or was it Bobby? I can’t keep up.”
BROOKLYN “Turns out Brian is married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old and die. A painting does not change its mind or leave. It does not need love or anyone’s approval.”
Brooklyn waves her hand, the shooing gesture says it all.
BROOKLYN (CONT’D) “Forgive my rant. It’s why I trust paints and canvas. People, not so much.”
Carolyn reaches for her ice-tea. The rock on her ring finger explains a lot.
CAROLYN “Trust me, when you least expect it, love finds a way. “
BROOKLYN “You sound like Ian from Jurassic Park, ‘Life finds a way.’
CAROLYN “He was right and so am I. Now, I’ll have Stan grill salmon filets and I have a bottle of that French Pinot you love so.”
BROOKLYN “You don’t have to do that.”
Carolyn reaches across the table, her hand on Brooklyn’s forearm.
CAROLYN “I insist. It’s a big day and I want to be there for you. I won’t take NO for an answer.
CAMERA MOVES IN on Carolyn clasping Brooklyn’s hand – a mother’s loving gesture
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Cameron Martin’s Twists
What I learned doing this assignment is…to be more aware of in-scene twists and to apply them where necessary. I always had an argument whenever I heard the phrase “And the audience will never see it coming!” It would usually start with “Who cares?” and end with “Will the moment be earned and rewatched over and over again?” I’ll admit I was a little hesitant entering this section, but the explanations provided with the BACK TO THE FUTURE scene really helped me see how the hooks, setups and payoffs are elevated with different types of minor twists. It isn’t always something totally out of left field for the audience (The end result of Marty’s plan remains the same), but it’s the journey that can provide many surprises. I also looked at the conclusion of the Freiza saga in DRAGON BALL Z. The prophecy of a “Super Saiyan” is brought up by Vegeta, but it isn’t explained well. We’ll just know it when/IF we see it, and it’s a big if because we’ve learned not to trust everything Vegeta talks about. As the arc goes on, we keep getting false alarms, PLUS the prophecy Vegeta describes sounds like the Super Saiyan is the furthest thing from Goku. But, when Goku does transform, the way it’s handled with all the twists to get there and the ultimate transformation itself, where it holds back providing all of the answers, makes the moment ripe for repeat viewing, as we see a kindhearted man get serious, and we don’t know how much control he’ll maintain. And that transformation is only the first twist to close out the Freiza saga.
Dr. Mick – Prideful, Accusing, Self Confident, Over Compensating
Mother – Forward, Loving, Protective
Father – Supportive, Stedfast, Confident
Guard – Impatient, Forceful, Rule follower
Sully – Inventive, Loving, Controlling, Disguising
Isaiah – Obsessive, Focused, Covering Up, Gentle
INT. SPACE COLONY – CORRIDORS – DAY
A current of colonists flow down the hall in a rehearsed, orderly fashion, everyone except Sully, fighting through the crowd like a salmon jumping the torrent of water.
A family rushes with their teenage son, who’s clearly not feeling well, past Sully.
INT. SPACE COLONY – BUNKER EXTERIOR – DAY
The family of three maneuver to be on the interior of the crowd. The teenager tries his best to hold back his cough.
A hand lunges out and pulls the TEENAGER out of the flow of traffic.
TEENAGER
Mom! AAGHCK! AACHGK!
The MOTHER and FATHER fight through the crowd to get to their son.
MOTHER
(to Teenager)
It’s okay baby!
(to GUARD holding Teenager)
He’s just sick.
GUARD
It’s just proto—
MOTHER
I know you’re going to say “It’s just protocol.” Well, let me tell you something—
GUARD
Please move along.
FATHER
Not without Andrew.
The mother catches sight of a familiar face in the crowd: the teenager’s physician, DR. MICK.
MOTHER
(waving him down)
Dr. Mick! Dr. Mick!
Dr. Mick catches sight of the family and starts toward them.
DR. MICK
Sir? Sir!
GUARD
No, it’s not happening.
DR. MICK
Listen here you inhuman lemming. This is my patient.
GUARD
I have a hundred people I have to watch for. Shove it doc!
Dr. Mick rummages through his bag. He pulls out a syringe, still wrapped in its container.
DR. MICK
(Holding up the syringe)
Do you know what this is? I’m sure you do, and you know I’m sworn under oath on this godforsaken planet to administer it at the first sight of trouble. Now this is my patient, not yours, and you will leave this poor sick boy in my care!
INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Sully bursts through the door.
SULLY
Isaiah!?
Sully rushes around the apartment, not waiting for an answer, which never comes. However, Sully knows where to look first…
Finding Isaiah under his bunk, pressing his hands over his ears and humming loudly to himself.
ISAIAH
HMMMMMMMMMMM! HMMMMMMMMMMM!
Sully reaches to grab Isaiah’s hand, but the second the hand pulls slightly away from the ear, Isaiah rips his hand away and shimmies deeper under the bunk.
SULLY
Isaiah! We don’t have time for this!
ISAIAH
HMMMMMMMMMMM! HMMMMMMMMMM!
SULLY
Isaiah! Can you hear me!? We have to go now!
ISAIAH
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! HMMMMMMMMMMMM!
INT. BUNKER – DAY
The family of three and Dr. Mick make their way into the bunker.
The teenager can barely hold himself up, coughing violently and struggling for air, as the family works to help carry him to the center of the bunker.
They lay him down. Other COLONISTS notice how sick the teenager is.
COLONIST 1
Wait! What’s he doing here!?
COLONIST 2
He’s sick!
COLONIST 3
They let a sick person in!
Dr. Mick, annoyed, rummages through his bag for a couple supplies. One is a breathing mask and the other item is a syringe.
DR. MICK
Don’t worry!
MOTHER
(seeing the syringe)
That’s not it, is it!?
DR. MICK
It’s a diuretic. It’ll help with the fluid in his lungs. Dry them right out.
Dr. Mick gives the teenager the injection before placing the breathing mask over the teen’s mouth and nose.
COLONIST 1
Get him out of here! He could be infected!
DR. MICK
If by infected, you uneducated twit, you mean pneumonia, then yes! Some people on this floating rock struggle with the artificial air, especially kids. This one has had a bad case of it for months now!
The teenager’s cough subsides and he starts to breathe peacefully.
INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Sully rushes into his room…
To the dresser…
Opening it to his deceased wife’s untouched garments. He takes a moment before forcing himself to throw them aside, until he finds…
A headband.
Sully takes the headband and two of his wife’s shirts and runs to…
The kitchen. He pulls out two mixing spoons out of one drawer and a roll of duct tape out of another.
As fast as he can, he tapes the shirts to the ends of the mixing spoons, and then the spoons to the headband.
He bolts back for Isaiah’s room, makeshift earmuffs in hand.
He hands the earmuffs to Isaiah under the bunk.
ISAIAH
HMMMMMMM!
SULLY
Here! This is mommy’s! Mommy’s going to be here for you!
Isaiah, seeing the muffs, starts to shiny out from under the bunk, still clutching his hands to his ears.
When Isaiah’s out from under the bunk, Sully places the muffs over Isaiah’s head and hands.
ISAIAH
(carefully taking his hands out from between his ears and the muffs)
Thank you, dad.
Sully goes to pick Isaiah up.
ISAIAH
(recoiling)
I can do it.
Sully grabs Isaiah hard and picks him up.
ISAIAH
(fighting to get out)
I want to do it!
Sully runs as fast as he can with his child in tow.
SULLY
(under his breath)
Should’ve gotten out from under the damn bed, then.
INT. BUNKER – DAY
The teenager’s flash wide open and he starts to cough more violently than before. Blood sprays with each cough against the plastic breathing mask.
Dr. Mick, seeing the blood, is struck with horror at the knowledge of what’s coming.
DR. MICK
(pulling out the plastic wrapped syringe)
No, no, no, this isn’t happening to me.
The mother sees what Dr. Mick is doing and freaks out.
MOTHER
Stop! What’re you doing!?
DR. MICK
He’s infected!
The colony starts up in a panic. Screams are heard everywhere.
Father grabs Mother, holding her back as she fights against him.
MOTHER
Let go of me, Sean! He’s going to kill my baby!!
FATHER
Honey, it’s too late! Listen, it’s too late.
MOTHER
Fuck you! That’s our son!
Dr. Mick, ignoring the two, prepares the syringe, as the teenager continues coughing.
Then, he stabs the syringe into the back of the teenager’s lungs, and injects the full solution.
In moments, the teenager stops convulsing.
The mother pulls off the blood soaked breathing mask.
MOTHER
Baby! Baby!?
DR. MICK
I think we did it in time. I’m sure we did it in time.
Suddenly, the teen vomits up a torrent of blood…
While his jaw opens wider and wider…
CRACKING…
And the seams of his mouth tearing to where the jaw bone is.
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DAY 4 – DEV ROSS – Twists
What I learned doing this lesson: Twists can explain so much about a character without too much exposition but rather, the pieces falling together!
CHARACTERS:
Caine: Passionate, committed, self-righteous, desperate need for respect.
Caine’s Sister: AAA member, truth teller, willing to bare all because the truth is all she’s got.
Caine’s intention: to have his sister forgive him and understand him.
Sister’s intention: To set her brother straight. To get him to finally accept the truth.
INT. CAINE’S BASEMENT – NIGHT
Caine sits in the shadows, dials his cell phone. A sleepy female voice answers – Caine’s sister, Evie.
EVIE (O.S.)
(Sleepy)
Hello?
CAINE
Evie, it’s me, your baby brother.
EVIE
Caine? What the fuck? It’s the middle of the night here. What do you want?
CAINE
I just wanted to say I’m sorry.
EVIE
Honey, you were just a little kid.
CAINE
No! Grandpa taught me how to shoot! I could have tracked those nigger boys down and blown their heads off!
EVIE
Oh… that. Baby brother, it’s time you knew the truth.
CAINE
The truth? I don’t understand.
EVIE
Caine, I wasn’t raped. I took on those boys as a ‘fuck you’ to Grandpa.
CAINE
What?
EVIE
Grandpa made all that rape shit up to protect himself.
CAINE
Why would he do that?
EVIE
Because he’d been molesting me for years!
CAINE
No! He wouldn’t do that! Don’t say that!
INT. KKK GRANDPA’S HOME – KID’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Young Clay sleeps when the bedroom door opening wakes him. Grandpa strokes the boy’s hair…
GRANDPA
Go back to sleep, Clay. I’m just here to watch over you and your sister. I’m your angel.
Clay nods, feeling protected as he turns over and closes his eyes. To the hushed sounds of his Grandpa and his sister’s soft but distressed sounds of protest, Clay keeps his eyes tightly shut.
OUT OF FLASHBACK-
INT. CLAY’S BASEMENT – NIGHT – CONTINOUS
CLAY
No… You are a liar, just like my wife and daughter! You’ve all betrayed me with the black!
As he rants…
EVIE
Caine. Caine! Grandpa told me he’d kill you if I ever told!
CLAY
You’re lying!
EVIE
No! Look, I’ve given up on anyone ever believing me, but what I’m talking about is your momma, your real momma. Yeah, our daddy loved him his black women. You were just an infant when she dropped you off. She said you were too white looking for her to raise on her own.
CLAY
I don’t understand what you’re saying.
EVIE
I think you do. Your real momma was a black woman daddy was diddling. Why do you think my momma and him fought all the time?
No answer.
EVIE
Clay? Clay? I know the truth hurts but, baby brother, there comes a time–
Clay hangs up on her. Standing in the shadows, his breath comes fast and hard.
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Day 4 – Anita’s Dramatic Devices (TWISTS)
What I learned doing this assignment: I had several “big” twists pre-built into this story, but had not considered using this device for more subtle twists along the way. It helped me brainstorm several important moments, especially around the supporting character of Dianna’s boyfriend, making him more 3-D and further revealing the inherently twisted nature of Dianna.
Name: Dianna
Traits: Dominating, Self-confident, Willful, Bad-tempered
Subtext: Evil / Immoral, no moral center or self-restraint
Character Logline: Dianna is a brilliant but psychologically twisted young woman with abandonment issues who kills her biological father Cyrus, allowing his kidney to become the life-saving transplant her mother needs.
Possible areas of subtext: Dianna is the ultimate product of her parents’ genetics – she is both brilliant and damaged. Dianna can’t connect emotionally with her adoptive parents or her boyfriend or even coworkers. Her intellectual abilities actually enable her lack of need for human connection, ratcheting up an in-born propensity for being a sociopath with Disassociate Disorder.
INT. DIANNA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Dianna is in bed with her boyfriend. They are in the throes of some intense sex but we don’t see any true intimacy like eye contact or kissing.
Dianna exhibits her domineering side by flipping her boyfriend onto his back and “taking top”. She rides him at her desired pace and for her own pleasure.
Afterward Dianna flops down on the bed and turns on her side, back to boyfriend. He cuddles up to ‘spoon’ her, in his own afterglow not perceiving any slight in her actions.
BOYFRIEND
Mmmmm.
A guy could get used to this.
(beat)
And by ‘a guy’ I mean me.
There’s a long pause in which Dianna says nothing but the boyfriend continues to affectionately stroke her hair and arm.
BOYFRIEND
I can really see us doing this someday not just for fun, but starting a family.
(beat)
Ever think about how many kids you want to have?
DIANNA
No, not really. I need to wash up.
Dianna gets out of bed and goes into the adjoining bathroom.
INT. BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS
Dianna pulls open a vanity drawer and reaches under a pile of cosmetics, pulling out a package of “Plan B” morning-after pills. She pops them down with a glass of water, turns out the light and heads back into the bedroom.
[NOTE: There are several scenes between these two and the next several all depicting what is happening in her mother Danica’s and her father Cyrus’ lives.]
INT. DIANNA’S APARTMENT BATHROOM – DAY
Dianna holds a home pregnancy test strip unexpectedly showing “positive”. She just stares at it a moment and then talks to the reflection of herself in the mirror.
DIANNA
Well, shit. So much for modern medical science.
Then she tosses the test strip into the garbage.
INT. DIANNA’S APARTMENT BATHROOM –NIGHT
It’s a few days later and Dianna’s boyfriend is in the bathroom checking out several days growth of beard on his face.
He yells into the next room
BOYFRIEND
Hey Di – I don’t think this look is me. Think I’m shaving it off.
He begins fumbling through vanity drawers searching for something.
BOYFRIEND
Di – have you seen my razor?
In his search process he knocks over the small trash can now full of several days waste.
BOYFRIEND
Dammit.
As he cleans up the mess he comes across the used pregnancy test and stares down at it just as Dianne comes into the room –
DIANNA
(annoyed)
What is all the yelling about?
BOYFRIEND
(baffled / staring from test to her and back)
Di – what… when? –
DIANNA
(nonchalant)
Oh that. Don’t worry. I already took care of it.
She turns and leaves the room. He follows her into the bedroom still holding the positive pregnancy test.
INT. DIANNA’S APARTMENT BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
BOYFRIEND
What do you mean you ‘took care of it’ –
DIANNA
Just that. There’s no more pregnancy.
(beat)
No worries.
BOYFRIEND
(incredulous)
Just like that? Without telling me!? Without letting me have an opinion… you just…
(He can barely say the words)
…had an abortion?
Dianna turns to assess him as she might one of her lab animals – curious but dispassionately.
DIANNA
You wanted to talk about having a baby?
She laughs derisively.
DIANNA
Look at us, barely in our 20’s, together for just a few months and here you are weaving some fantasy about us having a child?
She turns her back like the discussion is over. Her boyfriend whirls her around.
BOYFRIEND
Dianna! Even if we didn’t want a family together – this…. This is just an act of cold-blooded murder!
DIANNA
You’re the only child here. I was an unwanted child – dropped off at 3 days old at a fire station – like some food donation! So don’t talk to me about babies or adoptions. My body, my choice.
(beat)
And now it’s my choice for you to leave.
He just stands there, mouth open, at a loss for words.
DIANNA
I said – LEAVE ME ALONE!!
Her boyfriend looks once more at the pregnancy test still in his hand. He shakes his head sadly and places it very carefully on the dresser, then turns to go.
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Day 4 of Dramatic Devices June Fortunato’s “Twists” for Retirement
What I learned: I focused on the surprises. This scene follows the others I wrote chronologically.
Roy Dent,
Fierce rejection of authority, avoids normal, crazyass, tender hearted with the vulnerable. Subtext: to milk his hospital stay as long as possible.
Suzy the nurse Welsh
Tries very hard all of the time- a fixer. Overachiever. Jumps through hoop for others but ignores her own needs. Subtext: to placate Denny enough, and to rescue Roy despite his resistance.
Denny Brand, esq.
Mr. Nice guy despite being a lawyer who’s interest is always his bottom line. Subtext: out to impress Suzy and win her over.
The twists:
Roy is soon to lose his resources Suzy appears to change sides A couple of lies are uncovered/
Roy’s mistake returns to haunt him Roy’s trust in Suzy appears to be violated Roy sees an unexpected side of Suzy
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAYS- OSTEO UNIT – DAYS LATER
Roy, in his sunny mood, makes the rounds. He shuffles, pushes his IV pole and checks out patients in the other rooms. Everybody seems to know him. He leans into one of the rooms.
ROY
I highly recommend Tylenol with the “beatific” added benefits” of codeine.
As he passes another room. A wobbly voice from within
WOMAN
Roy! Roy! Change the channel! Change the channel.
But Tara slips past Roy to do it.
TARA
Got it. Lunch in half an hour.
ROY
Turkey?
She nods.
ROY
Them’s fine eats, Tara.
He heads back toward Suzy’s station for a howdy, and instead catches sight of her with a man, 40s, in an expensive suit. Suzy and the man glance toward Roy’s room when Roy comes up behind them.
ROY
Who’s Mr. Wall Street?
Startled. Caught. Red-faced.
SUZY
Roy. (To Denny) This is Roy.
DENNY
I’m Denny Brand. Your lawyer. If you’ll have me.
ROY
For what?
SUZY
The Piggly Wiggly! The cleaning van….? Not to mention the hospital bills…
DENNY
Mr. Dent
ROY
Such a formal guy.
SUZY
Roy – your hearing is in two weeks.
DENNY
I can be there for you but we have to get into it.
Roy turns and goes into his room. Suzy leaves Denny there and goes after Roy.
SUZY
You need his help.
ROY
It would appear that my latest retirement plan is more temporary than viagra.
SUZY
You use viagra?
Uh oh. He’s caught. Suzy helps Roy back to his bed.
SUZY
I went out on a limb to get him here. Can you at least hear him out?
Denny comes to the door and knocks on the frame.
DENNY
Mr. Dent, I tried to calculate your potential income but the Social Security administration and the veterans say you died in 1973.
ROY
I did.
Pause. They stare at him.
ROY
I told them that I died. Oh, it was a sad, sad tale. They cried.
DENNY
That’s a big problem.
ROY
Suzy, this lawyer is not up to snuff. (to Denny) So you can’t raise someone from the dead.
DENNY
It’s a problem. It’s almost impossible.
SUZY
Please try. (to Roy) So that’s why you couldn’t get a job? You’re dead?! You’re a piece of work,
Pause. Denny’s not so sure he wants to take this on.
SUZY
You better do it, Roy. Doctor says you’re a mess. You’ll collapse on the street. Only I won’t be there to help.
ROY
I’ll consider your supremo offer.
Suzy, frustrated and upset with the whole scene, walks out. Denny follows her.
DENNY
I made a reservation at Lacroix, Rittenhouse. It’ll brighten your day.
And Roy suddenly understands their relationship.
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DAY 4 TWISTS
Lisa’s Twists
What I learned is that having characters switch directions is not always easy. The point made in the instructions about making a twist seem natural to the story is the difficulty. You know you need to add a twist, but with an infinite possible way to go, it can be stifling. You start to doubt your choices.
Main Characters:
MARY WINTERS
Traits: Competitive, Clever, Energetic, Driven
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of heights, Afraid of loving someone again, Afraid of not being a good mom, Afraid of failing as the organizer of the IAWL festival and not living up to her mom’s perfectionism. Afraid of not getting to her ex-husband in time and finding him dead.
JOSEPH BISHOP
Traits: Intelligent, Stubborn, Happy, Refined
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of losing Mary and her girls<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>VIOLET
Traits: Manipulative, Conspiring, Seductive, Competitive
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subtext: Jealous; Afraid of being alone so tries hard to find love
*Prior to this scene, Mary has promised Annie that she can play “Mary Bailey” this year during the It’s a Wonderful Life festival.
INT- COMMUNITY CENTER HALL – DAY
Mary is leading the IAWL festival meeting. She is about to go over the assignments for this year. VIOLET, 33 and dressed to the nines enters. Everyone turns and looks to the back of the room where she’s entered. Mary stops talking.
VIOLET
Oh Mary, don’t stop on my account. Continue. Pleeease. I can’t wait to hear what you’re planning this year.
MARY
(sarcastically) Nice of you to join us.
VIOLET
Thank you for inviting me.
MARY
Sure. Anyway.
Several guys stand up to give Violet their chair. Violet takes the one closest to the front.
MARY (continued)
Let’s go down the list quickly. Randall, is everything set for the ringing of the bells on Christmas Eve?
RANDELL is a 40-year-old who works in the vineyards. He stands up.
RANDELL
Yes, Ma’am. We’ve raised over $900 already for the It’s a Wonderful Life committee. It sure was a good idea to take donations for requests to ring the bells for the angels in people’s lives, Mary.
MARY
Thanks. Mrs. Blaine and Miss Davis, is ZuZu’s Café ready for the crowds this year?
MRS.BLAINE a fine Christian woman of 66, stands up.
MRS. BLAINE
We are ready for the eaters and the ice cream social crowd.
MAYOR PARTRIDGE jumps up.
MAYOR PARTRIDGE
Terrific! I’ve already confirmed with Miss Judi that she is ready for the ‘Dance by the Light of the Moon’ Dance Contest. It will be held here in the community center. And the ‘Mr. Gower Scavenger Hunt’ will start here too. Ed, is the list ready for the scavenger hunt?
ED is a young string-bean of 27. Ed stands.
ED
Yep, sure is.
MARY
Thank you all. Okay. The ‘Ma Bailey Chili Cook-off’ will be held at the Hotel Clarence again this year. Freddie, all OK with it?
FREDDIE is a short round fellow of about 50 who stands to speak.
FREDDIE
We just need a couple more competitors, so encourage your friends!
MAYOR PARTRIDGE
And encourage everyone to dress as their favorite IAWF character for the parade too. Mrs. Davis, is the casting done for the ‘Merry Christmas, George Bailey’ radio show?
MISS DAVIS is a disheveled mess of a 26-year-old who stands up.
MISS DAVIS
(scratching her head) Well…I can’t seem to get Mary to commit this year.
Mary rolls her eyes expecting a fight. A murmur goes through the crowd.
MAYOR PARTRIDGE
Mary! What’s going on? You ALWAYS play Mrs. Bailey!
Mary stands up.
MARY
I thought I’d give someone else a chance this year.
TOWNSPEOPLE
(in unison) No! You have to do it! You’re the best Mary Bailey ever! No one else wants it. Yes, you have to do it!
MARY
I just can’t do it this year. I have too much on my plate. It’ll be fine.
TOWNSPEOPLE
(muttering) Oh boy. Who are we going to get to play Mary? It won’t be the same.
MAYOR PARTRIDGE
Okay people! Settle down. (flirtingly) Joe, are you playing George this year?
JOSEPH
(standing) Yes, Madam Mayor. (looking at Mary) I am.
MARY
I would like to nominate Annie to play Mary Bailey.
The townspeople look at each other as if to say, ‘A Chinese Mary Bailey?’
MAYOR PARTRIDGE
Well, looks like Mary has made up her mind. (hesitantly writing) Annie. Is there anyone else who would like to do it?
Violet stands up.
(TWIST 1)
VIOLET
I would like to be considered for the role of Mary Bailey this year, Madam Mayor.
The townspeople shake their heads. No one else raises their hand.
MAYOR PARTRIDGE
Violet you never participate.
VIOLET
This year is my opportunity to play the part that has been stoll…er, has eluded me all these years. And it would be a pleasure to play Mary Bailey to Joe’s George. (smiling at Joe)
Joe just nods his head. Mary rolls her eyes.
MARY
The only fair way to decide is to take a vote. Mayor.
MAYOR PARTRIDGE
Raise your hand if you would like to see Annie play Mary Bailey.
Ernie (Annie’s boyfriend) Mary, Joseph, Janie and Ruthie (who can’t vote) raise their hands.
MAYOR PARTRIDGE (continued)
That is 3 plus me, so 4 for Annie. Raise your hand if you’re like Violet to play Mary Bailey.
Everyone else raises their hands.
MAYOR PARTRIDGE (continued)
That is 5 for Violet. Violet it is. Get with Ed to go over your lines for the radio play. And sorry to ask, but Annie can you help Violet with the costume?
ANNIE
(sadly) Of course.
VIOLET
Thank you. (smiling ear to ear)
MAYOR PARTRIDGE
We have one more item to discuss, right Mary?
MARY
Yes. I need to ask all the children to leave first.
Janie, Ruthie, and a couple of other children run out the front door.
MARY
Who wants to be Santa Claus in the parade this year? Ernie?
ERNIE
I can’t ‘m already in charge of passing out the free chestnuts in front of the Hotel Clarence.
MARYThat’s right. Sam? Where’s Sam?
A MAN yells out from the back of the room.
MAN
He’s just about to close up the library!
Everyone laughs uproariously.
MARY
Okay. I’ll get Sam to do it. Let me text him.
Mary texts Sam. Sam texts right back.
MARY
Sam says he is indeed just about to close up the library. He agrees to be Santa this year. Great! We are done. Thanks everyone for coming. Help yourself to drinks and cookies courtesy of Annie and me.
The townspeople are milling around drinking and eating cookies to go, gathering their things, leaving the room, etc. Mary gives Annie a consolatory hug. Joseph walks up.
JOSEPH
Can I get in on this?
Mary and Annie part. Annie sensing her time to exit.
ANNIE
(to Mary) I’ll see if I can round up the girls.
Annie heads for the door. ERNIE makes a beeline for her.
ERNIE
Can I walk you home, Annie?
Annie nods. Annie and Ernie leave.
Mary is cleaning up.
MARY
Good meeting. Looks like everything is set. And you! You get to play opposite Violet, you lucky dog.
JOSEPH
It should be fun.
Mary smirks.
JOSEPH (continued)
I just mean that you and I have played the parts for a couple of years and it will be fun to mix it up.
Mary getting mad now.
JOSEPH (continued)
Aw, you know I don’t care about Violet. It’s you and only you.
MARY
Sure. You don’t think I know how Violet works? She can have any man she wants. And has!
JOSEPH
It’s cute that you’re jealous.
MARY
All my life I’ve been pitted against her. Of course, I’m mad you’re going to be spending time with her.
JOSEPH
You care!
MARY
She’s a pain in my ass. Always has been. Always will be I suppose.
JOSEPH
Well, you have nothing to worry about with me. I only have eyes for you.
Joseph starts humming “I Only Have Eyes for You” and grabs Mary for a dance. Joseph helps Mary on with her coat.
JOSEPH
Would you like to stop for a coffee at ZuZu’s? And hot chocolate for the girls.
MARY
I have to get home and walk Uncle Billy.
JOSEPH
I’m sure Uncle Billy could wait a little bit longer.
MARY
Then you don’t know Uncle Billy.
JOSEPH
You look nice tonight. And smell good too.
MARY
Thanks. I smell like cookies.
JOSEPH
How about a rain check?
MARY
You never give up, do you?
JOSEPH
That’s what you like about me.
MARY
Wise too, are you?
JOSEPH
Listen, come here.
Joseph pulls Mary aside by her arms.
JOSEPH (continued)
I thought I’d give you your Christmas present ahead of time. I’m kind of excited about it.
JOSEPH takes a small Tiffany blue box out of his pocket.
MARY
Oh no! No! No! I don’t want it! It’s too much!
JOSEPH
No, it’s not. It’s just a Christmas present Mary.
Mary pushes the box away.
MARY
No! No! No! Take it back. I’d rather you get the girls something, not me.
JOSEPH
I’ve already gotten the girls they’re gifts. This one is for you.
MARY
(pushing away the box again) I can’t accept it.
JOSEPH
(putting it into his pocket) OK. I’ll hold onto it until Christmas.
MARY exasperated walks to the door. Mary turns quickly around.
MARY
And don’t tell my sister about this!!
JOSEPH
Ok. I won’t tell Violet.
Joseph hurries out the door behind Mary.
(TWIST 2)
Up to this point, we only knew that Violet was Mary’s rival. We didn’t know she was also her sister.
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DAY 4 TWISTS ANNA HARPER
What I learned: turning a banal scene into an amped-up twist really improves the entertainment value of the script
SILENT NIGHT
CHARACTER TRAITS DYLAN MARTIN PROTAGONIST
Operates from the perspective of a 13-year-old boy, deeply wounded by the death of his mother.
Dylan chooses elective mutism as his modus operandi, as self-protective yet isolating. as a reaction to his trauma.
He loves his Dad but feels consistently misunderstood.
Want
Dylan wants to stay in his bubble,
Need
He needs friends and more of a life outside of his own head.
Paradoxes
Sometimes Dylan feels the urge to speak, but the words won’t come out.
Dylan wants to stay in his bubble yet would like to be included with school friends.
Secrets
Dylan believes he is close to his mother in his world of silence.
Although he is antisocial and isolated his interests in music and art have him dreaming of singing on stage in the next Britain’s Got Talent contest. He wants to be like his Dad, heroic.
Flaw
Dylan is egocentric. He fails to feel the anguish he is causing his
Dad. All he cares about generally is himself.Special
Although he is antisocial and isolated his interests in music and art have him dreaming of singing on stage in the next Britain’s Got Talent contest. and going to art school.
SUBTEXT Dylan is still fearful of Victor but realizes he has a strong ally in Alfie, who is helping Dylan’s character arc evolve.
CHARACTERS FOR THIS SCENE
DYLAN PROTAGONIST
DAISY FRIEND OF DYLAN
VICTOR ANTAGONIST, ALPHA BULLY, OF A GROUP OF BULLIES WHO PREVIOUSLY INSTIGATED A FISTFIGHT WITH DYLAN, AND MAKES LIFE MISERABLE FOR DYLAN BY TAUNTING HIM.
SITUATION Dylan and Daisy are at the park with Alfie. They are exchanging Christmas presents and chatting about their perspectives on life from the POV of ambivalent coming of age young teenagers
ORIGINAL
DAISY
Hey look over there, isn’t that Victor? What’s he doing here?
Victor is walking along hands in pockets, head down. He sees Dylan, Daisy, and Alfie, and slows down, moving further away from the dog.
DAISY
Hey Victor, come over here.
DYLAN
It’s OK Alfie is friendly.
ALFIE
Alfie gets up and wags his tail.
DAISY
So how come you are at the park? It’s Christmas Day. We just came to swap gifts and then we are going to Dylan’s house for Christmas dinner. What are you doing?
VICTOR
I couldn’t stand all the yelling at my house so I came out for some peace. My Mom already burnt the turkey and my Dad’s been drinking.
DYLAN
We have a big turkey, come over with us and eat at my house. My Dad had to shove the turkey in, it would hardly fit in our small oven. And there’s all the trimmings, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce. You don’t even have to eat the vegetables if you don’t like them.
DAISY
Yeah, and Dylan’s got a really complicated Lego set we can help him with it.
NEW VERSION
DYLAN
Hey look over there, isn’t that Victor? What’s he doing here? Maybe he is here to give me a Christmas punch in the eye.
DAISY
Let’s just, you know, just be chill, laid back, and see what happens.
DYLAN
Geez, Daisy, it’s not you, he is going to punch the living daylights out of.
Victor is walking along hands in pockets, head down. He sees Dylan, Daisy, and Alfie, and slows down, moving further away from the dog.
DYLAN
Bollocks!
DAISY
Let’s check it out. Don’t be scared, Dylan.
Hey Victor, come over here.
Victor looks at Alfie and freezes.
DYLAN
It’s OK Alfie is friendly, he won’t bite.
ALFIE
Alfie gets up and wags his tail.
DYLAN
Come closer, you can pet Alfie if you like, he’s cool.
Victor moves close and runs his hand over Alfie’s fur.
DAISY
So how come you are at the park? It’s Christmas Day. We just came to swap gifts and then we are going to Dylan’s house for Christmas dinner. What are you doing here?
VICTOR
I couldn’t stand all the yelling at my house so I came out for some peace. My Mom already burnt the turkey and my Dad’s been drinking.
A few moments of silence pass.
DYLAN
Sorry to hear that mate. That doesn’t sound in the Christmas mood, does it? We have a big turkey, come over with us and eat at my house. My Dad had to shove the turkey in, it would hardly fit in our small oven. And there’s all the stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce. And a bunch of deserts. You don’t even have to eat the vegetables if you don’t like them.
DAISY
Yeah, and Dylan’s got a really complicated Lego set we can help him with it.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by
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Dramatic Devices Day 4 – Twists
PS81 – Dana’s Twist
What I learned from this assignment:
This is the end scene to my script. It’s the twist ending I planned. I implemented the “Lie is uncovered” and the “New problem occurs” twists. I realized as I was writing, I may have too much exposition during the detective scene, but I can work that into my script earlier.
Characters:
Name: Ellen Landry
Traits: Sympathetic/kind, Hopeful, Ambitious Anxious/Insecure
Subtext Logline: Ellen is forced to play a dangerous, on-air game of life and death to save her kidnapped family from a violent ex-patient.
Name: Ryan
Traits: polite, calculating, violent, sinister
Subtext Logline: Ryan blackmails Ellen into revealing details of her past to entertain the on-air audience.
Name: Det. Sorensen –
Traits: confident, controlling, cynical/sarcastic, compassionate
Subtext Logline: Det Sorenson is assigned to the investigation and must strengthen Ellen to keep her engaged with the suspect to save her family.
SCENE:
EXT. KCSF RADIO STATION – DAY
TV vans parked fill parking lot. Camera crews and reporters line both sides of the walkway into the building, clamoring for news.
Uniformed police keep them corralled to the sides.
When Ellen and Sorensen come through the front door, all hell ERUPTS. Ellen is wrapped in a blanket, fragile, tucked under Sorensen’s protective arm.
Flashbulbs strike like lightning. Reporters SHOUT questions, one LOUDER than the next, too impossible to hear.
Sorensen holds Ellen as they walk, holding up his hand to protect Ellen from the mob.
A sedan parked at the curb waits for them. A uniformed cop opens the back door as they approach.
At the door, Ellen turns to Sorensen, her eyes glazing over. She places a gentle hand to his face where she slapped him earlier. “I’m sorry” and “thank you” fill her eyes.
Sorensen’s eyes tear, but he remains tall and stoic.
Ellen eased into the back seat. The door is closed. She peers out at Sorensen, placing her hand to the window as the sedan begins to drive away.
INT. SEDAN – BACK SEAT – MOVING
Ellen peers through the back window as she’s driven away from Sorensen, still standing at the curb.
EXT. KCSF RADIO STATION – CONTINUOUS
Sorensen remains at the curb watching Ellen drive away, his watering eyes drop a tear down his face. Flashbulbs POP.
APPLAUSE ERUPTS
INT. DETECTIVE SQUAD ROOM – POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY
APPLAUSE CONTINUES
Sorensen walks the floor through the maze of desks, accepting the APPLAUSE of his colleagues giving him a standing ovation.
Sorensen is humbled, nodding and shaking a a few hands, but not smiling. It’s been a hard day.
Phil waits at Sorensen’s desk, huddled with two DETECTIVES. The applause dies, and the cops get back to work.
Sorensen and Phil take a moment to acknowledge the day.
PHIL
How you doing?
SORENSEN
Been better.
PHIL
Dr. Landry’s at the hospital with her daughters. They weren’t hurt. They’re going to be okay.
Sorensen nods. No words. He drops Jason’s file to his desk.
DETECTIVE 1
The Uber driver was Jerry McGrath. Sixty-two. Divorced. Lived alone. ME says he was killed Sunday night, but that he’d been tortured for at least a day before he died.
SORENSEN
Jason needed his pass codes.
DETECTIVE 2
He used McGrath’s SUV to kidnap Landry and the two girls. We found it at the scene. Company records show Landry ordered a car at eight-forty-seven and was picked up five minutes later at eight-fifty-two. The GPS was turned off ten minutes later.
PHIL
Jason dismantled the husband’s car in the driveway —
DETECTIVE 1
— cut the ignition wires —
PHIL
— and parked around the corner to wait for Landry to make the call.
SORENSEN
He had to make sure he was the first driver to the Landry home.
DETECTIVE 2
Had to be stalking the family for a while. Know the routine.
SORENSEN
What about the phone?
PHIL
Stolen. He used spoof software and bounced the signal through foreign sites not to be traced.
DETECTIVE 2
How could a gerbil like this set all this up?
SORENSEN
Computer science major. Dropped out of Stanford when he got sick.
Phil sends the detective back to work with a nod.
PHIL
Take the rest of the day. Go home. Be with your kids.
Phil pats Sorensen on the shoulder and heads to his office.
Sorensen sits down and reclines in his chair. This is his first real rest. He looks to the framed pictures on his desk.
A FRAMED PICTURE OF HIS DAUGHTERS. Their school pictures. Two girls, ten and twelve, just like Ellen’s daughters. Both cute as a bugs ear.
Sorensen leans forward, leaning on his elbows, staring at his girls, rubbing his wedding ring.
DETECTIVE RIVERS stands at his desk talking on the phone.
RIVERS
(on phone)
Hold on. I’ll see if he’s in.
(he pressed hold)
Jack…? Jack?
Sorensen leaves his thoughts and looks across at Rivers.
RIVERS (CONT’D)
I got a guy on two says he needs to talk to you. Some doctor at county.
SORENSEN
Have him leave a message. I’m heading home.
RIVERS
He says is urgent. About your boy, Jason.
Shit. A heavy SIGH. Reluctant.
SORENSEN
Okay. Put him through.
Rivers presses line two on his phone.
RIVERS
Doc? I’m transferring you now.
Rivers forwards call and hangs up. Sorensen’s phone rings.
SORENSEN
(answering phone)
Sorensen.
DOCTOR (O.S.)
(on phone)
Detective? Thank you for taking my call. My name is Robert Green. I’m on staff at San Francisco General.
SORENSEN
What can I do for you, doc?
GREEN (O.S.)
(on phone)
We were holding a patient here at the hospital over the weekend for on a seventy-two hour psych exam. The police brought him in Friday. Homeless. Catatonic —
SORENSEN
— Doc? It’s been a long day.
GREEN (O.S.)
Yeah, no, I’m sorry. I’ll get to the point.
SORENSEN
That’d be nice.
GREEN (O.S.)
The patient’s name is Randy Armstrong. He’s been in and out of our system for awhile, but I didn’t put things together until I saw the news about Dr. Landry and saw his picture on the TV.
Sorensen sits up.
SORENSEN
What do you mean?
GREEN (O.S.)
I think my patient is your suspect.
Sorensen says nothing, numb, his mind racing.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Detective Sorensen? You there?
SORENSEN
Yeah, I’m here. Can you repeat that?
GREEN
I think my patient is your suspect, Jason Petrie.
SORENSEN
Hold on, Doc. I’m onna put you on speaker.
Sorensen presses hold, hangs up, then presses speaker.
SORENSEN (CONT’D)
You there?
GREEN
Yes. I’m here.
Sorensen pulls out his keyboard and turns on his sleeping computer screen. The SFPD home page.
SORENSEN
(using his mouse)
What’s your patient’s name again?
GREEN (O.S.)
(on speaker)
Armstrong. Randy Armstrong.
COMPUTER SCREEN
A pop-up window. The cursor types ARMSTRONG, RANDY in the open field. The cursor arrow moves and hits ENTER.
Sorensen is stunned.
COMPUTER SCREEN
Jason’s picture fills one side of the screen. His patient intake form on the other.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(on speaker)
I didn’t know what to think when I saw Randy’s picture on the news.
Sorensen can’t believe his eyes.
COMPUTER SCREEN
The name field reads: Armstrong, Randy.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(on speaker)
I figured I’d better call somebody.
Sorensen plugs his thumb drive into his computer, harried.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(on speaker)
I don’t understand any of this. Maybe I’m not supposed to, I don’t know —
COMPUTER SCREEN
The arrow cursor clicks on Jason’s patient file. Jason’s file and picture explode on the screen. It’s Randy.
Sorensen can’t believe his eyes.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(on speaker)
— the news reported Dr. Landry’s family was kidnapped at eight-forty five this morning —
FOCUS ON – SPEAKER PHONE
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(on speaker)
— but we didn’t release Randy until ten o’clock. How could he kidnap the Landry’s when he were still holding him?
Sorensen stares at the computer screen, silent.
COMPUTER SCREEN
The pictures are side by side. It’s the same man.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(on speaker)
The staff said Randy was picked up by an Uber driver in an SUV.
CLOSE – SORENSEN staring at Jason.
CLOSE – JASON staring right back.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Detective Sorensen? Are you there?
CLOSE – SORENSEN numb. There had to be another person.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Detective Sorensen…? Detective Sorensen…?
CUT TO BLACK:
A long beat.
RADIO HOST (V.O.)
Good morning, San Francisco! And it is a great day here in the city by the bay —
FADE IN:
EXT. SAN FRANCISCO – AERIAL SHOT – DAY
RADIO HOST (V.O.)
You’re listening to the Brian Osborn Show. And we are one week and counting, and my callers are still talking about Ellen Landry. So let’s get right to the phones.
We’ve got Maureen from Brisbane on the line. Hello, Maureen. You’re on with Brian.
WOMAN (V.O.)
Hello, Brian. This is Maureen. And I’m probably swimming against the tide, but I don’t think Dr. Ellen did the right thing. This was her patient. And isn’t there something in the Hippocratic oath that says do no harm?
RADIO HOST (V.O.)
The man had her family. Don’t you think that an extreme circumstance?
WOMAN
I do, yes. But the reports said the police were minutes away. She could have kept her patient talking and let police negotiate with him when they arrived.
RADIO HOST (V.O.)
I gotta admit, Maureen, you’re in the minority on this. Most people are in the pro Ellen camp. But I appreciate your call. Okay. Let’s go to Jimmy across the bay in Oakland. Hello, Jimmy.
MAN’S VOICE (V.O.)
Hi, Brian. This is Jimmy. I think Maureen is full of crap! Dr. Ellen did the right thing. I mean, what was she supposed to do? Let that SOB kill her kids? He already shot her husband. And to turn the tables and get him to blow his own brains out. That’s one smart lady. And when she comes back on air, I’m going to call her and tell her.
RADIO HOST (V.O.)
Well, okay. Thanks, Jimmy. But you may have to wait awhile to tell her that. From what I understand, the Dr. Ellen Show is on hiatus while she recovers with her daughters.
(beat)
Okay. Let’s take one more quick call. We’ve got Steve in Pacifica. Hello, Steve. You’re on the air with Brian Osborn.
Beat.
RYAN (V.O.)
Hello, Brian. This is Steve. Love your show. I’m a longtime listener.
(beat)
And a first time caller.
FADE OUT:
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Alice’s Twists
What I learned doing this assignment is
I always have twists in a story, but in one scene I was awkward
Maybe I’m blind to is there or nor twist in one scene
Some of my scenes are planned to be longer, but I won’t approach them yet. I chose this scene here, as there is some twist in a way.
Antagonist
Name: ANAUPSH
Traits: Concealing, Crafty, Treacherous, Evasive
Subtext: Evil
CRISIS:
INT. SIMPOSIUM ROOM – AFTERNOON
Large place, as a stadium, with enfilades of sitting places. Round dome tops it.
Anaupsh presents her work, reading from tribune in the middle.
ANAUPSH
Contrary to popular theory of Evolution of Individual, and of human as utmost reach of Evolution, as perceived in a part of human society, there are other hypotheses…
Scientists in audience get visibly interested in that.
ANAUPSH
…that this is not the only way of Evolution, – and we are adherents of another hypothesis. Because these biological constructs we are going to demonstrate, although they cannot regenerate, but they were created artificially, and this is only possible with Evolution of Human Society, and development of Science!
Scientists get wary, and whisper in between.
ANAUPSH
Subsequently might be possible more advanced biological modules…
Now Scientists are obviously disturbed.
ANAUPSH
We stand on the Threshold of New Epoch in Evolution of Human Society!
Complete climax in audience.
CONSILIUM MEMBER IN CHARGE
We must be excused. We didn’t check you enough for how much you qualify for consillium. It’s possible You offered not enough of documentation. We must stop it!
Anaupsh gets angry, but keeps solid on her ground.
ANAUPSH
Experimental works in this direction were started already, and are ongoing at this second!
Confusion amid audience.
ANAUPSH
We are checking now our modules for stability amid EXTERIOR atmosphere!
Now complete horror gets expressed on the faces of two main professors, and one of them, not hiding, presses on alarm button.
Both listen to something over dome roof.
Deafening alarm sound starts.
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Kate’s Twists
First, sadly this is just a scene outline. I didn’t have time to write it. Only heard of this assignment today – I seem to keep dropping off their email list!) Dialogue may well arrive in the final draft.
What I learned doing this assignment is – great exercise to develop characters, relationships and add length!
2 Characters
Nia – (Protagonist) Actress in the troupe, kind-hearted, naive, disenchanted at this stage, just found her father after many years. Eager to help the community.
Shaunn – Fellow actor in the troupe, swamped by his mother, and sweet on Nia but hasn’t made a ‘play’ because he is very intimidated by her. Hopes to impress her.
(+ by Text – Min – (Shaunn’s Mother) a hard-nosed, businesswoman and classic Chinese Tiger Mother who dominates Shaunn’s life.) Trying to do the right thing.
SET UP
Nia proposes the sting project to the acting Troupe looking for ‘businessman’.
Shaun says his Businesswoman mother (Min) who is coming to visit can help set that up. She is very pro-environment and the rights of ‘small’ people.
TWIST 1 – He gets a text from Min saying she has decided not to come – he is right and she needs to give him more room. And perhaps he’ll get this out of his system.
Nia suggests maybe if she asks too?
TWIST 2 – Shaunn tells her that really, Min wasn’t ever coming – he told her not to and why – she just agreed.
Nia asks So why did he say she was?
He says he wanted to help, impress her (Nia) and he is going to make a call and ask Min to come and help, which means to visit hm.
TWIST 3 – Nia hugs him – she knows how hard that is and oddly, it makes her like him more than if Min had just been coming anyway.
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Matthew Frendo’s Twists
What I learned doing this assignment was how to add twists to a scene. This makes the scene more interesting and intriguing for an audience and will enhance future scripts.
INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
The players are brought to the stage. They are bloody, bruised and battered.
And none of them want to do this. It shows as they scowl at the audience and Host.
Alicia looks at the others, who give her nods of encouragement.
ALICIA
(loudly, to audience)
These games aren’t fair and aren’t right. This–
The Host’s smile stops her as he approaches.
HOST
(whispering softly)
Nice bracelet.
Alicia looks at her battered bracelet with confusion…then gets it. She looks up and sees her brother and mother in the crowd watching. Her brother looks petrified.
The Host turns back to the audience.
HOST
Something else you wanted to say, our new, little star?
He turns back to Alicia, waiting. She just looks at her brother, tears starting to come.
She starts shaking her head no at the host…begging him not to do this.
HOST
At a loss for words? Perhaps I can help. You see, ladies and gentlemen, a terrible travesty of justice has been done here today.
The audience quiets down.
HOST
These games have helped eliminate crime and injustice in our world. They act as a sort of sacrifice to keep evil at bay. But what if the wrong sacrifice was offered?
He looks at the confused audience and nods to the back.
A grainy video starts playing on the screen.
START VIDEO
INT. ALICIA’S DOMICILE – DAY
We see a corner, with shadows hiding behind it. But we hear Alicia’s voice distinctly.
ALICIA
It’s going to hurt, but it’s the only way.
We hear a shock and Alicia yelp in pain. Then we hear another yelp.
ALICIA
There’s no way they’re going to take you. I won’t let them.
Then she comes from the shadow and we see Alicia’s face…and her scarred up wrist where her wristband is.
END VIDEO
INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
The crowd murmurs as the light goes up.
HOST
See what happened there. You’re hero, the one you all rooted for, is an imposter!
The crowd murmurs angrily.
HOST
She took away your right to decide.
They get more angry.
HOST
And she’s made a mockery of our system, of your system!
They are getting pissed now.
HOST
And here’s who she saved!
He pulls her brother up harshly. The crowd can see he has down syndrome. They go quiet, but the Host hasn’t noticed yet.
HOST
Look at this! She saved this one! A cretin who’s not even all there! You chose him to die and she wouldn’t let it happen! Now, it’s time we teach them both a lesson!
The crowd doesn’t respond.
HOST
I say we put them both in the games and let them die together!
Crickets from the crowd.
HOST
What I say is–
CROWD MEMBER #1
I retract my vote!
The Host, shocked, stops and looks around.
HOST
I know it seems hard–
CROWD MEMBER #2
I retract my vote too!
CROWD MEMBER #3
I’m sorry!
CROWD MEMBER #4
We didn’t know any of this!
The crowd starts talking over themselves.
Kristen steps up.
KRISTEN
How about we agree to not put this kid in the games?
The crowd cheers in response. The guards start pushing her back. She pushes them back.
KRISTEN
Oh, fuck you!
The crowd cheers enthusiastically for her, as the Host hurries up.
HOST
If any of you speak again, I swear it will make the last hour feel like Disneyland.
TO THE SIDE
Alex talks quietly to Bullet, seething.
ALEX
Isn’t there supposed to be some way of making sure we don’t try and murder a fucking disabled person?
Bullet shrugs.
BULLET
Supposed to be.
BACK TO MAIN STAGE
The Host is trying to quell the crowd. But they won’t listen.
He finally grabs Tony and starts to shove him to the games. Alicia breaks through the guards and stands in the Host’s face…toe to toe.
The crowd cheers as she glares at him.
ALICIA
(whispering)
Now you pissed me off. And you get to see what that means.
The Host motions for a guard to take Tony in. The minute the guard touches him, Alicia swings for his face and WHAM! nails him hard.
The crowd goes wild. Some are now trying to help Tony stay out. And they are getting wild.
Alex quickly walks up to the Host.
HOST
Just a temporary problem–
But the look on Alex’s face shuts him up.
ALEX
We’re not putting that kid in there. Are you out of your fucking mind?
The Host gulps, then gives a big, fake smile and turns to the crowd.
HOST
We have decided…that as an act of forgiveness from our Godlike government, to not put her brother in the games and to let him live!
The crowd cheers as guards let Tony go.
The Host walks up to Alicia quickly.
HOST
You ruined your only shot at survival. I’ll make sure you die now. Count on it.
PTOOEY! Alicia spits in his face. Crowd cheers.
She looks at Tony and mouths “I love you” as they drag her and the others away.
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Day 4: Twists – Assignment
Mike O – Twists
What I learned is…the twists give the character a dimension of believability and spontaneity that would otherwise be lacking.
1. List your character’s names, traits, and subtext above the scene. 2. Go to your outline and find a scene that will work well with this technique. 3. Write a scene that has two or more twists in it.
Make a list of all the different kind of twists you could use in this scene then write it with the ones that best tell the story.
01. Something planned for doesn’t happen.
02. Lost their resources.
03. Someone changes sides.
04. A new problem occurs.
05. A lie is uncovered.
06. New consequences emerge.
07. New options emerge.
08. A mistake returns to haunt them.
09. A trust is violated.
10. We see an unexpected side of someone.Twist #1: New options emerge: (1) keep the gallery; (2) have Carolyn run it; (3) its her legacy from her dad
Twist #2: We see an unexpected side of Brooklyn: she wants to keep it, no longer wants to sell it; fights for it as it was her dad’s and he left it to her.
————————————————————
INT. GALLERY OFFICE – DAY
In flats, denim jeans and a button down shirt, Brooklyn has shed the tourist look. She is rummaging through piles of papers on her father’s desk.
Richard saunters in drinking coffee, not a care in the world showing on his face.
BROOKLYN “Been thinking about our talk last night. I came here thinking sell, sell, sell. Now, I believe I will hang onto the place for the time being. It’s what my father would have wanted. Besides, I know a thing or two about art and artists.”
RICHARD (right) “You do? Pray tell, who are the top three contemporary landscape artists in this region. Make it the entire rocky mountains?”
Richard fusses with a stack of papers near him.
BROOKLYN “I haven’t a clue.”
RICHARD “That is why your father and I made such great partners. We stayed in our lanes. Art and emerging talent(takes a bow) Marketing, Joshua’s focus. “
Richard looks over the rim of his cup, his point clear.
RICHARD (casually) “You have sales and marketing experience, yes?”
BROOKLYN (matter of fact) “My best friend owns a successful art gallery in Chicago. I’m one of her clients. She can easily catch me up to speed on who’s who.(flips through papers)She might even want to add my father’s gallery to hers.”
RICHARD (edge to voice) “Different markets, different artists entirely. “
Richard’s cell phone CHIMES. He checks caller ID.
INSERT – CALLER ID
“SPAM”
RICHARD “I have to take this. Jonas, water-colorer extraordinaire. I really must sign him, mouths: he’s easily number two. “
Richard walks out of the office, refrains from slamming the door. The look on his face one of cunning, he mutters:
RICHARD “If bloody is what you want, steak tartar it shall be.”
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Antonio Flores’ Twists
What I learned doing this assignment
I wrote this scene for the conflict and tension assignment on day 2. Now the possibility to add tension with a twist comes handy. I am using the suggested twists:
1. Something planned for doesn’t happen.
5. A lie is uncovered.
TASK 1. List your character’s names, traits, and subtext above the scene.
CHARACTER 1: Parisa Nedellec, protagonist. A cheerleader coach who fights in the underground MMA to rescue her fiancé from the hands of a criminal ring led by The Ruler.
Traits: highly principled, perfectionist, extremely emotional… when nobody is looking, fearful / withdrawn
Subtext: extremely emotional… when nobody is looking
Character Subtext Logline: Parisa suffers of acute stress disorder, a type of anxiety caused by the traumatic experience of having watched her sister falling from top of a building and dying.
CHARACTER 3: Philip, an ultra-clandestine force agent whose mission is to prevent, by any means, that Bahadur reveals the secret.
Traits: highly efficient, unstable: impulsive self-damaging, socially shallow.
Subtext: efficient but careless, just rushes to do things
Character Subtext Logline: Philip’s need to be admired hides both, a deep sense of shame about who he really is, as well as a deep sense of meaninglessness, which no image of success may ever satisfy.
==========
Background: The first fight of the tournament is over. Parisa wins. Ruthless got accidentally killed in the fight.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP — THE CHAMBER – DAY
Security staff escort Parisa, Badahur and Philip back to their chamber. Once the guards are gone, the three discuss the event.
BAHADUR
This tournament’s a charade.
PARISA
They’re playing us!
PHILIP
It’s because you’re so, uh, you took the bait.
BAHADUR
They want to curb our spirit— Uh? Bait, you said?
PHILIP
They would not shoot you, big hero! Not now. Not before retrieving the payload.
PARISA
Payload?
BAHADUR
The secret.
PHILIP
You two are so naive!
BAHADUR
But we flipped the table, right? They didn’t expect—
PHILIP
Enough! You need to start listening to me. We got to get out of here.
PARISA
Get out? But Badahur won’t make it far. And it seems that you got a flat tire, too.
PHILIP
(to Parisa)
Wait until I get better and then, you and I could first—
PARISA
No! No way I’d leave him in here. Besides, we have not much time. The poison— you know.
BADAHUR
(to Philip)
She’s right. Hey, what’s delaying extraction?
PHILIP
Don’t know—
BADAHUR
I thought you guys were chipped.
PARISA
Chipped?
PHILIP
We have a device implanted in our body, so our position can be tracked down. But some kind of firewall might be preventing my signal to be traced.
BADAHUR
But the guards and all staff have cellphones and their signals go out.
PHILIP
We might need to borrow one of those cellphones. It’s good that we have plenty of options, uh?
BADAHUR
And send a message out?
PHILIP
(nods)
Exactly.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – WATER DISPENSER — LATER
Guards queue up to refill their water bottles. The dispenser is strategically placed below ground level and covered from sunlight.
Parisa pushes Badahur’s wheelchair through a dedicated handicapped lane.
THE WHEELCHAIR…
slips off the dedicated lane
PARISA
Oh, no!
PHILIP
(to Parisa)
Hey! Watch it!
Parisa, Badahur and the wheelchair slide down the sand dune until…
…WHAM! they ram on the guards queued at the water supply.
Parisa knocks down a couple of guards. She ends up on top of them.
PARISA
Sorry, sorry… so sorry.
Awkwardly getting up. She quickly dips her hand in the pockets of the guard closest to her. She finds… nothing
PARISA
I’m sorry. Are you guys OK? Can you help us? I’m terribly sorry.
Badahur pretends being hurt. Guards help him.
Philip gives a hand for Parisa to climb up.
PHILIP
(to Parisa)
Oh, you’re so… useless! Look what you’ve done.
PARISA
Oh, just put me on your list of people who don’t exist and shut up!
Parisa pushes Philip against the guards and almost knocks everyone down again.
Philip bumps on an Asian looking guard with a carefully trimmed beard: a very thin line of hair that extends from the sideburns and along the jawline and into a pencil mustache.
He scowls at Philip and pushes him out of his way.
The other guards put Bahadur and his wheelchair back on the handicapped dedicated lane.
Aided by his crutch, Philip quickly limps towards his concealed “cutting” spot behind a tent.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – HANDICAPPED LANE – CONT
Parisa joins Bahadur. She pushes his wheelchair back to their chamber.
BADAHUR
Did you get it?
Parisa shakes her head
BADAHUR (CONT’D)
Neither I. But don’t worry. We’ll try something else.
PARISA
We have no time.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – CONT
The guard with the trimmed beard notices his cellphone is gone. He blows a whistle.
Several men rush to seize Parisa and Badahur while others look for Philip.
TRIMMED BEARD GUARD
(pointing his gun at Parisa)
Give it back!
PARISA
(frightened)
Give back what? I… don’t understand.
Trimmed bearded guard points his gun at Bahadur — the others start beating him.
TRIMMED BEARD GUARD
Now you get it? Give it back!
PARISA
No! Leave him. I have nothing…
Guards keep punishing Badahur
PARISA (CONT’D)
Stop, please! You must believe me!
Guards drop Badahur on the ground. Trimmed bearded guard approaches Parisa.
TRIMMED BEARD GUARD
Well, let’s see… where would you hide my phone?
PARISA
Your phone? Y-you’re looking for your phone? Why… why don’t you call yourself and find where it is?
Trimmed bearded guard signals other guard to dial.
The sound of a phone ringing comes from a tent nearby… then stops.
Trimmed beard guard and other two run into the tent. It’s empty. They frantically search.
The guard dials again. The vibration sound of a phone in silent mode “BZZZZ” leads their attention to a silhouette outside the tent. The silhouette holds the bright screen of the device in his thumb-texting hands.
Time SLOWS DOWN as two guards dash out and around the tent. Trimmed beard guard knows they have lost precious time. Raises his gun. Aims.
THREE SHOTS hit the device, the head and body of the silhouette.
Parisa helps Bahadur. The gun shots startle her.
MEMORY FLASH
Parisa pushes Philip against the guards and almost knocks everyone down again.
PARISA
Oh, just put me on your list of people who don’t exist and shut up!
Philip bumps on the trimmed beard guard. His hand snatches a…
CELLPHONE
The guard scowls at Philip and pushes him out of his way.
END OF MEMORY FLASH
The two guards reach the secret spot where Philip bleeds for the very last time.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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