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Day 15 Assignments
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Cameron Martin’s Horror Outline Version 1
Title: OPEN WIDE
Logline: A doctor recovering from the loss of his wife struggles to connect with and protect his Aspie son in the midst of an outbreak of alien parasites.
Horror outline:…
EXT. SPACE
A nebula that looks like blood red teeth.
EXT. ALIEN PLANET – SPACE COLONY – NIGHT
A planet in the early process of terraforming. Deforestation surrounding a space colony.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Blood stained walls. Screams and death tarnish the air. An innovatory father (Sully) carries his Aspie son (Isaiah) (about 8-12 years old) and kills one of the spacemen trying to shoot them.
INT. APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Sully makeshifts an inhaler with kitchen appliances and clings to Isaiah, who is coughing uncontrollably. Sully apologizes to his son before a shotgun blast is heard.
NOTE: OPENING SCENE
Horror Situation: A father and son are in an impossible situation and about to die.
APPREHENSION: Shots of an ominous atmosphere.
FEAR: People are dying left and right, but we don’t know what. A father and son are running from something.
DREAD: A spaceman finds them.
HORROR: But Something finds the space man…and kills him.
RELIEF: At least the father and son are—
SHOCK: Another space man finds them. He raises his gun…
FEAR: As Sully raises an intriguing weapon – a metal bat with two electric nailers taped to the end.
HORROR/RELIEF: Sully gets to the spaceman first. His bat makes contact with the spaceman’s textile helmet and imbeds two nails into his skull.
SURPRISE: Isaiah starts violently coughing.
APPREHENSION: Sully carries Isaiah to an apartment room, where he makeshifts something for Isaiah to breathe into.
SHOCK: The sound of a shotgun blast takes us to black and the following title card.
SUPERIMPOSE: 18 HOURS EARLIER
INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Sully catches Isaiah trying to fake an illness, which leads him to investigating his room, where he discovers Isaiah’s room is a Rube Goldberg Machine and he has been skipping school often to build it. What he doesn’t discover is the SOMETHING Isaiah’s been keeping under his bed.
INT. SPACE COLONY / HALLWAYS / ARARTMENTS – CONT. – DAY
Establish the space colony on another planet.
INT. MEDICAL BAY – DAY
Sully treats a construction worker, and confronts a fellow physician (Dr. Mick) who’s tending to a patient seemingly suffering from pneumonia.
CONT.
Isaiah sneaks in and tells his dad that he’s made a discovery. Sully tells him he needs to go back to his class.
CONT.
Isaiah takes matters into his own hands to show his dad what he knows, but breaks an important medical device (a bronchoscope) in the process. Isaiah, embarrassed, runs away and Sully is called into his manager’s office.
INT. – MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY
Sully informs his boss that Isaiah is mentally delayed in some areas, but the boss tells Sully that if he doesn’t get his child under control, he’ll have The Hegemony (the governing body in space) take his son from him.
CONT.
An alarm goes off. Sully knocks out his boss when he tries to cut off Sully’s escape path to his son.
INT. SPACE COLONY – CORRIDORS – DAY
Everyone is moving in a rapid but orderly manner, except Sully who’s fighting against the crowd to get to his son.
CONT.
A family of three argue to get their teenage son, who’s looking sick, into the bunker with them. Dr. Mick, who knows the family, vouches for them.
INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Sully finds Isaiah hiding in a corner with his eyes closed and his hands over his ears, while making noises to tune out the siren. Sully tries grabbing him by the hand, but as soon as Isaiah’s hand leaves his ear, exposing him to the loud sound of the siren, he runs away and hides again.
INT. BUNKER – DAY
The family of three make it into the bunker and start looking for medical supplies, when their son passes out. The doctor starts administering treatment, telling the other scared colonists that it’s just a bad case of pneumonia, and that some people’s lungs struggle with the artificial air, and that this has been the case with the teenager for months now.
INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Sully takes a headband out of his deceased wife’s drawer (untouched for weeks) and fashions earmuffs with it. He gives it to Isaiah who doesn’t want to be carried, but Sully picks him up anyway so they can get to the bunker faster.
INT. BUNKER – DAY
Teenager wakes up very sick, and his compulsive coughing and vomiting up blood cracks his jaw and tears the seams of his mouth. Dr. Mick kills himself with a lethal injection.
NOTE: THE ALARM SEQUENCE
Primary Horror Situation: Sully can’t get his son to cooperate in the midst of an alarm that has him freaked out.
Secondary Horror Situation: The family and the family doctor bring in an infected patient and compromise the safety of the bunker.
SURPRISE: The alarm goes off.
APPREHENSION: The way the characters react, especially Sully, tells us this is not a standard fire alarm.
ANXIETY: Sully’s fighting against a crowd. Meanwhile, a family is fighting with the crowd to get into a bunker.
SHOCK: A hand GRABS the teenager.
SUSPENSE: Will the mother and father and get their son back. Should they?
SUSPENSE: Dr. Mick vouches for the kid.
ANXIETY: Sully’s looking for his son – nowhere to be found. (We remember the glass tank holding SOMETHING under his bed.)
ANXIETY: The alarm is still wailing. The lights are flashing on and off. Where is this ki—
SURPRISE: A crash behind Sully!
RELEASE: It’s just the Rube Goldberg machine.
SUSPENSE: Sully goes to look under Isaiah’s bed (where SOMETHING is).
RELEASE/ANXIETY: It’s Isaiah, (Where is IT?) who won’t let Sully take him.
RELEASE: The teenager is reunited with his family, and Dr. Mick is going to take care of him.
SHOCK: The teen collapses into a coughing fit.
SUSPENSE: Dr. Mick pulls out a syringe. The mom thinks it may be the killing injection.
RELEASE: Dr. Mick assures us it’s a diuretic to help clear and dry out the lungs.
DOUBLE RELEASE: The teen sleeps peacefully.
SUSPENSE: Back to Sully who’s trying to get his son to cooperate. He makes a pair of muffs out of his deceased wife’s headband.
ANXIETY: (IT is still under the bed with Isaiah. Will IT escape from its glass enclosure?)
RELEASE: Isaiah accepts the muffs and agrees to go with Sully.
SHOCK: Back to the teenager who’s coughing up blood!
FEAR: Dr. Mick pulls out the lethal injection.
PANIC: The teen’s father holds back the teen’s mother so that Dr. Mick can administer the lethal injection.
ANGUISH: The mother watches her son’s pediatrician kill him.
DREAD: Dr. Mick holds up a second dose to his jugular, while saying he “did it in time.”
RELEASE: The son stops spasming. He lies very still.
HORROR: The son’s mouth opens so wide that his jaw breaks and the seams of his mouth split to the bone, forming a bloody smile.
HYSTERIA: Dr. Mick kills himself.
MONSTER REVEAL: This is subtle, but there’s a correlation between the moisture in the host’s lungs and the incubation period of whatever this monster is. Drying out the lungs speeds up this process considerably.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully and Isaiah get to the bunker too late. Sully is pissed off with Isaiah and lets him know as calmly as he can that they’ll have to work together to make it out alive.
INT. MANAGER’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Manager wakes up. The lights go out with the alarm, and he’s all alone.
INT. MEDICAL BAY AND ADJACENT OFFICES – NIGHT
Manager tiptoes down the hallway, and discovers one of his physicians is SOMETHING ELSE. It hunts him. Manager hides, but catches sight of something that scares him out of hiding and into the jaws of his former physician.
Horror Situation: The Manager’s demise
APPREHENSION: Manager wakes up. He’s seemingly all alone.
SURPRISE: The alarm goes off and the lights go to emergency power mode. It’s suddenly darker and much more quiet than it was before.
ANXIETY: Manager tiptoes down a dark corridor.
FEAR: In the distance, horrified screams and shuffling feet are heard.
SURPRISE: A crash behind Manager.
RELEASE: It’s one of his employees.
APPREHENSION: The physician is shrouded by shadow. We don’t see his face.
ANXIETY: An awkward, uncanny shuffling by the physician, like he’s learning how to walk again.
FEAR: Manager picks up his pace, running away.
RELASE: He goes into another office and LOCKS the door, before hiding under a desk.
ANXIETY: SOMETHING scratches at the door.
SHOCK: BANG! BANG! BANG! at the door. IT’s trying to get in.
RELEASE: Quiet again. Whatever IT was has gone away.
SURPRISE: DRIP, DRIP, DRIP in front of the Manager.
FEAR: Manager looks up and sees SOMETHING.
HYSTERIA: He flips the desk on his way out of the office.
PANIC: Rattling at the door. Can’t get the lock—
RELEASE: It’s open! He’s free—
PANIC: The physician is down the corridor and gives chase on hands and feet as the Manager tries to close and lock the door again. (He doesn’t see it but we, the audience watch IT coming straight for him).
HORROR: The physician tackles the Manager and rips into him off screen.
DREAD: (While the Manager’s death is slow and horrific, we the audience see a trail of mucus leading to and from an air vent in the room the Manager was just in.)
MONTER REVEAL: Whatever IT is, it will take over the body of a host and use it to attack others. In addition, there’s either more than one monster, or the trail of mucus and the possessed physician are connected.
INT. SPACE COLONY – HALLWAYS – NIGHT
Back to Sully and Isaiah who’re walking down a similar dark corridor as the Manager. An adult alien worm (about 15 feet long) slithers out of a vent and follows after them, unbeknownst to them. It strikes at Sully, but Isaiah sprays something at it, and the two run away…
INT. SPACE COLONY – APARTMENT ROOM – NIGHT
Into a room where two strangers are hiding. Sully and Isaiah join them, and Isaiah tries to say something about the aliens’ weakness. But when Sully hushes him, Isaiah creates a distraction that draws the worm away.
The stranger makes a run for it but is subsequently infected by the worm.
The Stranger’s loved one and Sully try to stop the host from killing them, but attacks do nothing to slow IT down. Sully and Isaiah get out of the apartment, managing to lock the infected behind the door.
Horror Situation: Sully and Isaiah encounter the Monster
APPREHENSION: Sully and Isaiah are both in a similar position as the Manager we just watched die.
ANXIETY: SOMETHING slides out from an air vent. We see it follow Sully and Isaiah, but they don’t.
SHOCK: The worm strikes at Sully!
PANIC: Coiling around his neck!
RELEASE: Isaiah sprays a chemical (bleach) onto the worm and it releases Sully and writhes on the ground.
MONSTER REVEAL: The worm is sensitive to bleach.
SUSPENSE: Sully and Isaiah run away…
RELEASE: And hide with a couple.
ANXIETY: A slithering sound follows them.
FEAR: Isaiah won’t shut up.
SHOCK: Isaiah presses on his dad’s broken hand.
SURPRISE: Isaiah tosses a pot, distracting the worm.
SHOCK: The husband makes a break for it.
PANIC: The worm breaks for the husband.
HORROR: The worm has teeth on its head, and it slithers down into the husband’s throat.
ANGUISH: The wife watches her husband bleed out inside his throat…
HORROR: And have his mouth and jaw broken from his skull (The seems of his mouth tear just like the teenager’s, and the maxilla pulls and breaks from the rest of the cranium, creating a fish-like mouth that snaps out of the host’s skull).
HYSTERIA: What was once the husband goes after the trio of his wife, Sully and Isaiah.
MONSTER REVEAL: The worm gets inside a person through the mouth and controls that person, rendering them a zombie.
HORROR: They take anything they can use as a club and break the former husband’s bones. The husband doesn’t care, and his broken bones don’t stop him, as he pins his wife down with the points of a fractured forearm.
MONTER REVEAL: Nothing blunt can kill this thing, and it will use it’s own body and broken bones as weapons.
HYSTERIA: Sully takes Isaiah and runs for it out of the apartment…
RELEASE: Locking the monster inside with his wife.
ANGUISH: Who’s still being consumed by her husband.
INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sully and Isaiah make it to their apartment and discover the worm Isaiah was hiding under his bed escaped. They can’t escape from that worm or the other host that breaks into the apartment. However, Jude, a frail old lady who didn’t make it to the bunker, saves them.
Horror Situation: Sully and Isaiah are trapped with the monster.
APPREHENSION: Back in the apartment (Did IT get out?)
FEAR: SOMETHING this way comes.
RELEASE: Sully locks the door.
TENSION: Whatever was chasing them CRASHES into the door. IT wants in.
SURPRISE: A subtle cracking sound.
SUSPENSE: Sully and Isaiah go to investigate the sound.
FEAR: The cracking sound is coming from under Isaiah’s bed.
SHOCK: The glass breaks.
PANIC: Sully and Isaiah, caught between something that’s banging against their front door, and the worm that’s out of its cage, run…
RELEASE: To hide in the next room.
SHOCK: The front door breaks open.
SUSPENSE: They’re looking for Sully and Isaiah.
FEAR: The worm finds Sully, but doesn’t infect him. It investigates his face, ears and nose.
MONSTER REVEAL: The worms appear to be blind.
SHOCK: The worm rears back, ready to strike…
RELEASE: But not at Sully.
SHOCK/SUSPENSE: An unfamiliar sound, followed by bodies dropping to the floor. Sully and Isaiah hold very still.
SURPRISE: A hand grabs Sully’s hair.
HYSTERIA: Sully pleads for his and his son’s life, as he jumps up to protect Isaiah from…
RELEASE: It’s an old lady…
INTRIGUE: Holding an illegal firearm.
INT. SPACE COLONY – HALLWAYS – NIGHT
Jude takes Sully and Isaiah to her room where she believes they can fortify their position and prepare for the worst to come.
INT. JUDE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
They make it to a corner/tool room of Jude’s apartment, and slam the door on the aliens. Sully goes to work make-shifting a weapon, and to his surprise Jude pulls out a laser gun from a safe. The two fight off the hostile aliens, and Jude doesn’t miss a single shot.
Isaiah tries capturing and protecting the worms from his dad, asking that he listen to what he has to say. Sully declines to listen and kills the worms with prejudice.
Horror Situation: Sully and Jude fight off a small wave of worms and hosts, while Isaiah tries to reason with them.
NOTE: This feels like more of an action sequence than a true building horror sequence, so I’ll keep this short.
SUSPENSE: Jude, Isaiah and Sully make it to Jude’s apartment, where she argues she has more supplies to fortify with.
TENSION: The handful of those that didn’t make it to the bunker, along with a half dozen worms chase after them.
RELEASE: Sully closes the door.
SUSPENSE: Sully and Jude prepare to fight. Sully crafts a weapon using a metal bat, two electric nailers, wire and duct tape. Meanwhile, Isaiah asks for and searches for anything “alkaline.”
ACTION/FEAR: The monsters break in and Sully (with his bat) and Jude (with a laser pistol) fight them. Isaiah tries to catch the worms and deter them with bleach, paint thinner, and ammonia.
MONSTER REVEAL: The worms are susceptible to anything alkaline (base). Also, weapons that can puncture the host (nails) can get to and kill the worm that’s taken over.
RELEASE: The monsters are defeated.
LATER
Sully and Jude fortify the apartment, while Isaiah sulks in the corner. Jude comforts Isaiah and introduces herself as a spy for the Hegemony (the government entity that presides over the space colony).
INT. SPACE SHIP – CRYO-BUNKS
A passenger, Markus (a holy man), wakes up to an alert, along with the rest of the ship. He meets Apollo, another passenger, but the two try to stay discreet.
INT. SPACE SHIP – FEEDING PEN
Markus and Apollo learn with the rest of the ship that their voyage has been redirected, and that the passengers are now conscripts to wipe out an outbreak of alien parasites and any survivors not in their designated bunker.
INT. JUDE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sully asks why Jude isn’t in the bunker. Jude reveals that she was infected on her way to the bunker.
INT. SPACE SHIP – LOADING CORRIDOR
Apollo wants to start a mutiny, but Markus wants to lay low and hidden. Other passengers get the same idea to resist conscription, but they disappear when something from the ceiling takes them.
INT. JUDE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sully asks why the spy helped them if they’re going to die anyways. The spy explains that she’s making peace with GOD, as she was sent to cover up the Hegemony’s involvement with the escalating outbreaks of aliens. Isaiah wants to find a way to keep her alive, but Sully helps her take a lethal injection that kills her and the alien eggs inside of her as they’re hatching.
MONSTER REVEAL: The hostile alien population exploded due to The Hegemony’s terraforming practices, and they sent a spy to cover it up.
INT. SPACE SHIP – HANGER
The passengers are equipped with 3-D printed weapons that have one short range round each. Apollo is caught, along with other mutineers, and Markus is forced, along with several other passengers, to execute the mutineers, including Apollo.
INT. JUDE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sully discovers a way inside the bunker by reviewing schematics left behind by Jude. He decides he’s going to try and save his and his son’s lives. Isaiah asks to help, wanting to see the outside of the bunker, and potentially an alien nest.
Horror Situation: Sully’s Dream
APPREHENSION: Sully wakes up. In front of him is Jude, dead and covered by a sheet. Behind him, Isaiah’s missing.
ANXIETY: Sully goes to search for his son. No sign of him.
SUSPENSE: Sully comes up to Jude’s bedroom door, which is locked. He breaks in to search for Isaiah.
SURPRISE: Sully flicks on the light, which immediately explodes.
RELEASE: Nothing in the room. Not even furniture.
ANXIETY: Sully enters the vacant pitch black room.
SURPRISE: Shattering of glass behind him.
SUSPENSE: Sully goes to the source of the sound.
RELEASE: It’s Isaiah…
APPREHENSION: With a broken glass tank at his feet, and the head of a worm with fungal spears towering out of it, and a cloud of spores.
DREAD: Isaiah starts coughing violently.
HYSTERIA: Isaiah asks his dad to kill him. Sully doesn’t know what to do.
HORROR/ANGUISH: Isaiah’s mouth opens wide and chomps down on his dad’s neck.
MONSTER REVEAL: Though this is a dream sequence, this lifecycle of fungus-> eggs-> worms-> host-> fungus is confirmed later. Breathing in the spores infects you with the monsters.
RELEASE: Sully wakes up. Isaiah’s next to him, fast asleep. It was a dream.
INT. JUDE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sully lures Isaiah into a closet and locks him inside to keep him safe while he ventures out alone to find out if the schematics are correct. He apologizes but insists it’s for his own good.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Sully inches across the roof of the enclosed space colony in a ventilation suit with a bag of tools, through a towering spore nest. It’s like walking through a yellow jacket nest that exploded out of the ground. Sully opens up a point in the roof and crawls into a shaft that leads to the bunker.
Horror Situation: Traversing the Spore Nest
APPREHENSION: Sully exits to the outside, unsure of what waits for him.
DREAD: Before him is a spore nest that rises over twelve feet above his head, ripe with worms and spores clouding the air.
TENSION: Sully makes his way through.
SHOCK: One of the worms makes a cut into his suit.
PANIC: Sully makes a run for it. The hole nest begins to swarm.
RELEASE: Sully makes it into a grate, and closes it behind him.
MONSTER REVEAL: The worms are like a combination of snails and yellow jackets. They congregate in massive fungal nests that spread spore eggs through the air like billowing clouds of smoke from a factory.
INT. JUDE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Isaiah is able to escape from his closet. He gathers rope and some tools from the tool room, and a spare ventilation suit.
INT. SPACE COLONY – BUNKER – NIGHT
Sully uses the grinder to open a hole into the bunker. When he drops down into the bunker, he discovers all of the residents are now alien hosts, including the teenager and his family, who attack him on all fours and lash out with their jaws that separate from their skulls with the worm’s body attaching the two.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah crawls across the walkway in his own ventilation suit, which he lathers in lubricant, and covers potential openings in the suit, including his mask, with velcro.
INT. SPACE COLONY – BUNKER – NIGHT
Sully tries to fight back, but there’re too many of them, and he can’t reach the escape.
INT/EXT. SPACE COLONY – BUNKER/WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah is able to save his dad at the last moment by dropping the rope for him. Sully climbs up the rope that’s anchored to the vent, through the use of the power tools Isaiah brought.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah insists on a different way from his Dad. Stressed about the hosts still tailing them, Sully pushes Isaiah in the direction he believes they need to go, leading to Isaiah falling through the same weak point as before, where his mask breaks.
Sully, holding his breath, pulls Isaiah out of the nest and replaces Isaiah’s broken ventilation mask with his. He kills another host on his way back inside the colony, and seals the way in as best he can.
Horror Situation: Stuck in the pit of “hell”
NOTE: THE BUNKER SEQUENCE
NOTE: Again, parts of this feel more like an action sequence than the slow build of horror, so I’ll keep this short and highlight specific moments.
FEAR: Sully tries to backtrack and get away from the bunker.
DREAD: He’s slipping. Can’t get away.
TENSION: Sully targets his fall and uses as much of the bunker hall’s resources (scaffolding, shelves, etc.) to his advantage, keeping just inches from death.
APPREHENSION: Isaiah comes up to face the same fungal nest Sully faced, but this time it’s swarming.
SUSPENSE: Isaiah appears to be problem solving his way out, but it involves intentionally blindfolding himself.
ANXIETY: Isaiah crawls blindfolded through the spore nest while playing loud brown noise to calm the worms.
RELEASE: Sully gets his weapon and is able to use it to some effect.
SHOCK: Isaiah slips on something and nearly falls through the floor, losing his grip on the portable stereo.
TENSION: He keeps his blindfold on and continues crawling the rest of the way.
PANIC: There’s a jam. The weapon won’t fire the nails into the hosts’ necks.
RELEASE: Sully gets a grinder and cuts through the worms…
HORROR: Until some of the infected children catch up to him, including an infected baby, who latches onto him with a toothless mouth. Sully can’t bring himself to carve up the baby.
RELEASE: Isaiah tosses a rope down and distracts the alien hosts.
SUSPENSE: Sully tries to get to the rope.
RELEASE: Sully escapes.
ANXIETY: But the hosts can climb the rope too, and now over a hundred of them have been given access out of the bunker.
HYSTERIA: The hosts are charging for Sully and Isaiah, and Isaiah insists on a different path from his dad.
SHOCK: Sully loses it and shoves Isaiah along the walkway.
DOUBLE SHOCK: Isaiah falls through the floor.
DREAD: Isaiah’s mask broke. He’s infected.
ANGUISH: Sully, despite all his efforts, may have killed his own son himself.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully is upset that Isaiah left the safety of the closet he was in, but expresses remorse about pushing Isaiah into the nest.
INT/EXT. SPACE COLONY – NIGHT
The Exterminators arrive in force to exterminate the alien threat and any infected.
INT. JUDE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sully gathers as much of the Spy’s evidence as he can. Sully and Isaiah try to hide, but Isaiah develops a cough, drawing the attention of exterminators and aliens alike.
INT. SPACE COLONY – HALLWAYS / LIVING QUARTERS – CONT. – NIGHT
While the two are surrounded, Sully apologizes to his son and asks him to help by using his knowledge of escape routes to get them to a medical bay aboard the exterminator’s vessel. A shotgun blast goes off, killing one of the hosts, while two more tear into an exterminator.
NOTE: This is a repeat of the Opening Sequence, and catches us up to where the story initially began.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS AND HIDEAWAYS – NIGHT
Isaiah and Sully try sneaking around the carnage surrounding them, but exterminators find and chase after the two. Sully releases the alien worm he locked up earlier, and the two make a break for it and escape.
Horror Situation: Avoiding the Carnage
SUSPENSE: Sully and Isaiah sneak in the walls.
SURPRISE: Isaiah coughs.
DREAD: One of the exterminators hears the cough, drawing closer and closer to Sully and Isaiah.
SHOCK: A host attacks the group of exterminators, Markus among them.
RELEASE: Sully and Isaiah free to continue.
SHOCK: A blast penetrates the wall near Isaiah’s head.
PANIC: Sully and Isaiah run out from the walls.
RELEASE: Sully frees the Husband host he locked up near the beginning of the story.
HORROR: The host creates a diversion for the father and son by attacking the exterminators.
RELEASE: Sully and Isaiah get away
INT. PASSENGER VESSEL – NIGHT
Sully and Isaiah make it to the ship, but are found out due to Isaiah’s coughing that’s getting worse. With nowhere else to hide, the two run as fast as they can to the Medical Bay.
INT. PASSENGER VESSEL/MEDICAL BAY – NIGHT
They make it to the medical bay and lock themselves inside. Meanwhile, military and exterminators try to break in to kill the two. Sully and Isaiah work together, against the clock, to extract the alien eggs that are growing rapidly in Isaiah’s chest via a bronchoscopy.
The extracted eggs start to hatch, but Sully pours bleach over the hatching worms, killing them.
Horror Situation: Operating on his own son
APPREHENSION: Chaos outside. Safe (for now) inside the locked up medical bay.
SHOCK: Isaiah coughs up a bit of blood.
FEAR: Sully frantically searches through the medical bay for supplies. Time’s ticking.
RELEASE: Sully finds an inhaler and something to lubricate Isaiah’s lungs.
DREAD: Operation time. No time to put Isaiah under. Sully has Isaiah distract himself while he administers a bronchoscopy to physically extract the eggs.
ANGUISH: Isaiah’s a trooper despite being in misery as his dad finishes the operation.
HORROR: The eggs start to hatch.
RELEASE: Sully dumps a bottle of bleach over the eggs.
INT. PASSENGER VESSEL/MEDICAL BAY – NIGHT
Sully holds his son close as exterminators and military personnel break in. Markus is among them. Sully reveals the Hegemony’s involvement with the outbreaks, but an officer orders the execution of the father and son.
Markus uses his weapon and shoots the officer. He and the other exterminators form a wall around Sully, setting the stage for a mutiny.
INT. PASSENGER’S VESSEL/ESCAPE POD – NIGHT
Markus gathers up Sully’s documents and gets Sully and his son to an escape pod. He hands the documents to Sully and tells them to get the word out.
INT. ESCAPE POD/SPACE
Sully and Isaiah are jettisoned from the vessel aboard an escape pod. Sully holds Isaiah tight, as the two watch the planet they were colonizing fade into the distance.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Cameron Martin. Reason: Formatting per Day 16 requirements
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Hey Cam,
Excellent logline. Succint and to the point! As a huge fan of “Alien” and “The Thing,” I enjoyed the elements drawn from these classics. The Space Colony scenes are terrific—great images! As a visual medium, I could picture your desciptions in a movie. For example, “As Sully raises an intriguing weapon-a metal bat with two electric nailers taped to the end.”
The inciting incident reels the viewer in as the stakes are raised. I like the relationship of Isaiah and his father, Sully … who must protect his Aspie son by himself.
What really peaked my interest was your use of present day, then flashback … SUPERIMPOSE: 18 HOURS EARLIER. It takes great courage to write a non-linear screenplay. My last screenplay was a time-travel fantasy spanning 40 years. I recall storyboarding index cards for each character(Flashback, Flash Forward, and Present). The challenge you’ve undertaken is highly ambitious. As the reader, I was in suspense, waiting to see how the scenes would lead back to present day.
The SOMETHING Isaiah is hiding under his bed is clever. Secrets even from Sully.
The Hegemony as the antagonists is intriguing. The scene in the space colony when Sully is fighting to get to his son again shows he’s protective and willing to do whatever it takes. I found myself rooting for the protagonists throughout.
The secondary horror situation successfully raises the stakes further due to the family doctor, Dr. Mick. The release when it’s just the Rube Goldberg machine–I wasn’t sure what this device was? I hope I didn’t miss anything in prior scenes.
The death of Dr. Mick is a good one. An ally who needs to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He dies with honor.
The MONSTER REVEAL is great! Reminiscent of “The Thing” and “Alien.” Again, I may be biased here because those are two of favorites. The next MONSTER REVEAL shows the cryptonite that can kill these monsters. It gives the audience hope that there is a chance for survival.
One of the best sequences was the anguish and horror of the wife watching her husband bleed out. Graphic, but necessary to the plot. Then, the reveal that the worms gets inside to control their victims, making them zombies is awesome. It reminded me of The Walking Dead.
The scenes Sully, Jude and Isaiah are exciting, again revealing a way to fight back. The revelation that Jude is a spy is placed nicely on the timeline. The scene inside Jude’s apartment is interesting. I was wondering just how many alien eggs there were in total? The ‘cover up’ angle is good because it shows the depth of the conspiracy.
Showing Isaiah’s mouth “open wide” is a good placement for your title(even if it is a dream sequence). I saved mine for the end of act 3. It’s all personal preference.
Isaiah saving Sully in the bunker/walkway again shows the connection these characters have for each other. It’s important for the reader/viewer to care about the main characters.
I was curious if these characters are wearing masks in all of the scenes?
When Isaiah’s mask breaks and he’s infected, this feels like the point of no return(end of act 2). This eventually brings us back to present day, which I believe starts act 3. Again, I am curious what encouraged you to write in a non-linear fashion? I feel that it works, creating more tension and suspense.
The Hegemony’s order to kill Sully and Isaiah successfully raises the stakes even further.
I really enjoyed the final sequence in the escape pod/space! As they are ejected, I recalled the final scene odf “Alien.” This kind of horror movie is right up my alley. Keep up the good work. You’ve written an outstanding horror outline!
PS I expect to get an invite to the movie premiere.
Regards,
Scott
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Wow Scott! Thank you for the glowing remarks!
I went out of order for the sake of having an efficient and economical teaser. It may be a trope, but it’s effective at starting off the first few pages with a bang.
I grew up watching MYTHBUSTERS, so that may be one of the inspirations for the Rube Goldberg Machine. I’ll be sure to provide an explanation. Essentially, it’s a complicated machine that uses basic mechanics to achieve a laughably simple goal. It’s place in the story is just as a setup for how smart Isaiah is and justifies the skills he uses to escape from the closet Sully locks him in. Highly recommend looking up Rube Goldberg Machines online for a fun demonstration. There’re several videos to choose from.
As for the number of eggs, there’s not a definite number. It’s a similar situation to fire ants in the southern United States (they’re an invasive species without their natural predator). Because the predator that kept the alien population in check was wiped out with terraforming, the number of “eggs” pretty much explodes at an exponential rate.
Sully and Isaiah are wearing homemade ventilation suits during the scenes where they go outside the colony, similar to the final act of 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE. I’ll make sure that’s not lost on the reader.
I love the ending because of how it plays off that ending from ALIEN and ALIENS, while raising the stakes by rewarding the main characters for their survival with tasking the with a goal of inciting a revolution – effectively a much higher bar and more interesting villain to threaten them. Glad to see someone else enjoying it as well.
This whole concept honestly started as a joke, and it took about four or five reworks (changing characters, missions, goals, and major act points) of it to develop it into this version.
Thanks agains for the awesome review! I’m looking forward to seeing your revised outline!
Cam
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by
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Alfred’s Horror Outline #1
WHITE JESUS – HORROR SITUATION TRACK
EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX – DAY
A white van pulls up. Four men hop out that look identical.
2. INT. APARTMENT – DAY
Africa and son, Malik get prepared for their day. Knock on the door. Two men at the door.
Horror Situation: The men dominate the mother and summon the creature to feed on the son.
Apprehension – Weird men enter the house
Panic – Son tries to run
Terror – Creature places hand on son’s shoulder. Eats him.
3. INT. SCHOOL – NIGHT
PTA Meeting over Gabriel, an atheist, teaching science. Africa from first scene comes in carrying mangled body of Malik.
4. INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY
Gabriel attends funeral of Malik. Some people acting weird. Intro to Pastor Charles Rutherford. Gabriel and Rutherford clash over ideology and Deon, Malik’s father asks him to leave.
5. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Gabriel teaches class. A student asks him about monsters. The student says they saw a monster. Gabriel assures him there are no monsters. Deon comes in and apologizes. He’s a changed man. When Gabriel tries to give him Malik’s belongings Deon falls apart.
6. EXT SCHOOL – DAY
After school there are parents looking for their child at school. Another child is missing.
7. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Gabriel and parents go to the police for help. Police with blank stares offer no help.
8. INT. FREEMAN HOME – NIGHT
That night Gabriel and Sierra discuss some of their weird things happening in their town. Gabriel decides to figure out what’s going on.
9. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Gabriel is teaching class when a parent comes to take their child out of class. They’re going to home school the child.
10. INT PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – DAY
Gabriel follows the parent and child to the main office. Tries to persuade the parent not to take the child out of school. Loses. Gets read the riot act by the principal.
11. INT. HOME – AFTER SCHOOL
After school Gabriel drives to the parent’s house to try again to persuade the parent to let the child come back to school. The front door is open. The parent is sitting at the kitchen table singing “Jesus Loves Me”. Gabriel hears a noise in the back. Goes to the back and comes face to face with the creature feeding on the child. Runs. Tells the police but once again they’re no help. Omar gives Gabriel his card.
Horror Situation – Gabriel comes face to face with the creature.
Apprehension – Gabriel sees the door open and enters.
Fear – sees the child laying on the floor convulsing
Surprise – Sees the creature
12. INT. SCHOOL GIRL’S LOCKER ROOM – DAY
Eboni is dressing our for gym and the creature traps her in the locker room and grabs her.
Horror Situation – Gabriel’s daughter is snatched
Fear – Eboni hears a noise in an empty locker room
Suspense – She heads for the noise
Shock – Tries to run and runs into the creature
13. EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD
Gabriel and Sierra organize a search for their daughter. While looking in the nearby woods Gabriel is approached by Omar. Tries to tell him what’s going on.
14. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
RIANNA comes home from work and gets ready for bed. The creature feeds on her in her bed.
Horror situation – Creature kills another member of the community
Apprehension – while in bed TV turns on
Suspense – Investigates
Dread – Its under the bed
15. EXT. BASKETBALL COURT – NIGHT
TAVIAN is shooting hoops by himself. He’s practicing for the big game. He’s harassed by the police. Tavian tries to leave and walk home. The police continue to harass him and he runs. They herd him towards an alley. He’s trapped with the creature. The creature feeds on him.
Horror Situation – Police are working with the creature
Anxiety – Tavian is surrounded by police at night
Fear – The police threaten Tavian
Panic – Police chase Tavian into an alley.
16. INT. OMAR’S BOOKSHOP – NIGHT
Omar has organized and meeting with families. Tells them what’s really going on. Gabriel is present and finally tells someone he’s saw the monster. With this information they conclude that the taken kids are held at the Mega church founded by Charles Rutherford.
17. EXT. MEGA CHURCH – NIGHT
They rush over their and are confronted by most of the town at the megachurch. Most of the town are under its control. Sara rushes into the building. She’s overwhelmed and killed by the crowd. The crowd chases the remaining group (Gabriel, Sierra and Omar). They sneak into the back of the Megachurch.
Horror Situation – Sara rushes to save her kid and is killed by the crowd.
Anquish – Sara sees her son about to be sacrificed
Panic – Sara rushes to save her son by rushing into danger
Hysteria – The crowd grabs her and tears her apart.
18. INT. MEGACHURCH – NIGHT
They come face to face with Charles Rutherford leading a ceremony to feed grabbed kids to the creature. They see the creature. Gabriel and Sierra free Eboni and the other kids. Omar is revealed to be working with the creature. Lead them to their doom. Gabriel pushes Omar into the creature. Omar is killed.
Horror Situation – The family confronting the creature to save their daughter
Anquish – They saw what happened to Sara
Panic – They save their daughter and fend off the creature
Hysteria – Feeling helpless against an otherworldly being
19. EXT. MEGACHURCH – NIGHT
Gabriel, Sierra and Eboni get into their car and leave town. They’re chased by the town.
20. EXT. NEXT TOWN – NIGHT
Freeman family comes to the next town and find out that that town is under the control of the monster too.
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Marc KOENIG’s Horror Outline #1
Title: Element 119
Logline: An unknown metal found in an antique archeological site turns out to be a parasite turning people into ferocious killers.
Outline:
ACT I
1. INT. CAVE – DAY
Essence: Paul and Liz discover the « Gates of Hell »
Liz and Paul find a strange artifact among an archeological site known as the Gates of Hell, and they escape the collapse of the cave.
Horror situation: the antique artifact seems to react to their presence
Anxiety: they enter a creepy site where lie the remains of a slaughter
Release: Paul is clumsy and makes funny jokes
Surprise: a stone falls from the ceiling, almost hitting them
Suspense: sand, gravel, and stones keep falling… they might get crushed under tonnes of granite!
Dread: Liz rushes out. The cave collapses. Paul is still inside!
Release: Paul jumps out just in time
Shock: the strange needles penetrate Paul’s skin
Monster reveal: The needles are alive!
2. INT. LIZ APARTMENT – NIGHT
Essence: Liz examines the artifact, but Paul doesn’t feel good.
Liz finds out that the mineral found in the cave is welded to the skeleton vertebra and decides to send it to her sister to analyze it, while Paul’s behavior gets weird. He takes a bottle of Whiskey and gets drunk.
3. INT. CAR – NIGHT
Essence: Paul and Liz die.
As Liz drives Paul to the hospital, he draws a scalpel and cuts her throat. They die in a car crash.
Horror situation: Paul becomes evil and cuts Liz’s throat.
Anxiety: Paul tells Liz that he loves her veins, her flesh, her blood.
Release: she says she loves him and he seems to relax
Shock: Paul suddenly draws a scalpel and cuts Liz’s throat.
Dread: she loses control of the car and they crash in a ravine
4. INT. ATOMIC ENERGY CENTER (AEC) – BANQUET ROOM – NIGHT
Essence: Liz’s sister Jennifer and her colleagues learn about Liz’s death.
Jennifer, her husband Scott, and her colleagues Trevor, Sally, Irina, Bill, and Julia enjoy a party at the Atomic Energy Center when Jennifer gets a call and learns about the accidental death of her sister.
5. INT. LIZ APARTMENT – DAY
Essence: Jennifer finds the artifact.
Jennifer and Scott travel to Jordan to collect Liz’s stuff and organize to fly back the coffins to the USA. She finds the artifact and her sister’s letter, but she hides them from Scott.
6. INT. JENNIFER’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Essence: Jennifer illegally introduces the artifact into the AEC.
Jennifer secretly brings the artifact to the research lab. Trevor is suspicious about Liz’s activities in an Arab country with connections to terrorism, and he wants to know who Jennifer met there and what she did.
7. INT. ATOMIC RESEARCH LAB – NIGHT
Essence: Jennifer makes tests on the artifact and gets contaminated.
Jennifer finds out that the artifact is an unknown metal that she identifies as Element 119 in the periodic table, and its radioactivity increases when she closes into it. The sample suddenly blows up and thousands of tiny needles hit her and sink into her skin all over her body.
Horror situation: Jennifer is contaminated the same way as Paul previously
Suspense: the unknown element seems to react like a living creature
Surprise: the sample blows up and throws thousands of needles
Shock: the needles sink into Jennifer’s skin despite her efforts to rip them off.
Monster reveal: the Element 119 can produce and throw thousands of contaminating agents
8. INT. TREVOR’S OFFICE/ATOMIC RESEARCH LAB – NIGHT
Essence: Trevor finds out that Jennifer made an unauthorized test.
Trevor suspects a data heist and investigates. He finds Jennifer in shock and understands that she was on something illegal. Scott turns up and convinces Trevor to bring her to the infirmary.
9. INT. INFIRMARY – NIGHT
Essence: Jennifer and Scott vanish.
While Trevor reports the incident on a call to Sally – who was having sex with Bill in her office – Scott brings Jennifer to the infirmary. Jennifer’s behavior becomes weird. Julia finds the infirmary walls stained with blood, but Scott and Jennifer have vanished. Trevor activates the Red Flag procedure.
ACT II
10. INT. TREVOR’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Essence: The four scientists and the security officer are locked up with the monster.
Trevor activates the shut down of the basement of the Atomic Energy Center and calls everyone into his office. He suspects Scott and Jennifer to be the moles he suspects to have infiltrated the AEC. Irina goes against him.
11. INT. AEC BASEMENT – NIGHT
Essence: Trevor hunts the murderer
While Irina makes looks for Jennifer, Trevor uses the video cameras and doors’ remote control to send Jennifer into a trap. Jennifer is neutralized after a chaotic chase.
Horror situation: Irina becomes bait for Jennifer.
Suspense: Where is Jennifer? Is she dangerous?
Shock: Jennifer attacks Irina.
12. INT. INFIRMARY – NIGHT
Essence: Someone else gets contaminated.
Jennifer wakes up as they scan her body through an MRI. Jennifer splits something to Sally’s face and frees herself, causing a brief panic in the group. Trevor unwittingly shoots Irina, hurting her shoulder. Jennifer is knocked out but Sally understands that she has been contaminated.
Horror situation: Jennifer has become a ferocious killer.
Anxiety: The MRI shows strange foreign material inside Jennifer’s body.
Shock: Jennifer spits out a black substance on Sally’s face.
Suspense: What did she throw at Sally’s face? Is Sally contaminated?
Suspense: Sally tries to rip off the needles from her face but she can’t.
Shock: The needles sink into Sally’s skin and even one in Sally’s eye.
Fear: Sally has got the parasite inside her body.
13. INT. INFIRMARY – NIGHT
Essence: They heal Irina and discuss what they can do next.
Irina’s wound is superficial. Jennifer has been neutralized but there’s still no sign of Scott and he could be anywhere. Trevor calls for backup and a commando is on the way.
14. INT. INFIRMARY – NIGHT
Essence: Sally runs away with Jennifer.
Sally frees Jennifer and they both hide somewhere in the compound. Bill runs away.
Horror situation: Sally is affected by the same disease as Jennifer.
Surprise: Sally attacks Julia.
Suspense: Where are Sally and Jennifer hiding?
15. INT. CHEMICAL DEPARTMENT – NIGHT
Essence: Bill gets contaminated.
Jennifer and Sally send Bill into a trap and contaminate him. Sally kills Jennifer.
Horror situation: Bill gets chased and trapped in a room.
Suspense: They talk through a window. Bill tries to negotiate his salvation.
Release: Jennifer calms down and says that she is back to normal.
Fear: she becomes even more aggressive.
Dread: Sally cuts Jennifer’s throat before Bill, stating that Jennifer’s body is burnt.
Fear: Sally hits the armored window with an ax to get to Bill.
Dread: Sally sends a «seed» that blows thousands of needles into Bill’s face.
16. INT. JULIA’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Essence: Julia and Irina get close to each other.
Julia and Irina hide in the dark. They believe they are safe. Julia shows herself smitten with Irina. They comfort each other <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>and kiss<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>.
17. INT. COMPOUND CORRIDORS – NIGHT
Essence: Bill locks them up again.
Bill joins Julia, Irina, and Trevor on their way to the exit. They understand too late that he’s contaminated. Bill blows up the only exit and kills the rescue team.
Horror situation: The rescue team is blown up and they’re locked up again.
Suspense: Bill comes to meet them and they don’t know that he was contaminated.
Release: The rescue team breaks in.
Fear: Irina understands that Bill is contaminated.
Suspense: Bill carries a bomb.
Shock: Bill blows up the way out, killing the rescue team.
18. INT. MONITORING ROOM – NIGHT
Essence: Sally breaks into the atomic research area
Irina, Julia, and Trevor join in the monitoring room and find out that Sally broke into the atomic research area and that she is releasing radioactive material. They decide to counterattack.
19. INT. ATOMIC RESEARCH UNIT – NIGHT
Essence: Trevor betrays the two girls to save his own life.
While Julia, Irina, and Trevor lead to the atomic research unit where Sally broke in, Trevor locks them up with Bill to keep them safe and runs away. Julia and Irina join forces to kill Bill and they succeed.
Horror situation: locked up with the monster
Shock: Trevor betrays Julia and Irina.
Panic: Julia and Irina must confront Bill who tries to kill them.
Horror: Bill spits a seed to Irina.
Release: Irina puts the seed inside a jar just in time.
ACT III
20. INT. TREVOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Essence: Trevor orders to kill them all.
Sally irradiates herself to grow the Element 119 bigger inside her body. Trevor calls a commando to kill everyone in the compound. Irina and Julia escape the atomic research unit.
21. INT. MONITORING ROOM – DAY
Essence: A commando breaks in.
Irina and Julia confront Sally and lose sight of each other as the soldiers break in and try to kill them all.
Horror situation: The commando strafes randomly at them.
Fear: Irina and Julia are under heavy fire.
Dread: Irina and Julia are trapped between Sally and the soldiers.
Release: Sally saves Julia by fighting a soldier.
Suspense: Irina and Julia lose sight of each other.
23. INT. RESEARCH LAB – DAY
Essence: General slaughter.
Irina fights against Sally. Two contaminated soldiers kill the others. Irina locks them up in a secured area of the compound.
Horror situation: Sally has become much more powerful.
Horror: Sally splits numerous seeds.
Panic: Contaminated soldiers kill and contaminate the others.
Hysteria: Irina is surrounded by Sally, contaminated soldiers, and the rest of them whose mission is to kill her. It’s a general slaughter, where everyone tries to kill the others.
24. INT. TREVOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Essence: Irina and Julia join again.
Irina kills a few soldiers and finds Julia. Together, they find out that Trevor is a CIA agent who wants to capture the Element 119 to make it a military asset. They reach his office and capture him.
25. INT. RESEARCH LAB – DAY
Essence: Julia has been contaminated.
Irina understands that Julia has been contaminated and they fight. Irina reluctantly kills Julia.
Horror situation: Julia wants to contaminate Irina.
Horror: Julia has become a monster.
Panic: Irina fights against Julia, not able to kill her.
Anguish: Irina ends up letting Julia die, killed by soldiers.
26. INT. ENERGY PROTOTYPE AREA – DAY
Essence: Irina blows up the place.
Irina sabotages the compound and escapes with Trevor, using him to open the security doors. They fight against a contaminated soldier and beat him. They escape.
Horror situation: A contaminated soldier chases Irina and Trevor.
Fear: The soldier stands between them and the way out.
Suspense: The compound is about to blow up.
27. EXT. ATOMIC ENERGY CENTER – DAY
Essence: Trevor and Irina fight against each other.
Once outside, Irina suspects Trevor of being contaminated. Trevor discovers that she took a sample of 119 in a jar. They fight against each other. A female security officer joins them as Trevor keeps Irina in his line of fire. But she shoots Trevor instead. A helicopter approaches. Irina passes out.
Horror situation: The parasite hasn’t been erased.
Suspense: Has Trevor been contaminated? Why did Irina take a sample of Element 119?
Release: A solitary security officer saves Irina.
Suspense: Who is the security agent who doesn’t hesitate to kill Trevor?
28. INT. RUSSIAN MILITARY COMPOUND – DAY
Essence: Irina is a Russian secret agent.
Irina wakes up in a Russian military compound. She meets a high-ranking officer and… they speak Russian together. As he tells him that they are analyzing the sample she brought, red lights flash. Back to the nightmare again.
Horror situation: The Element 119 is released again.
Fear: A general alarm blares. There’s a serious threat in the compound.
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Hey Marc!
Want to exchange feedback?
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Scott Kaplan’s Horror Outline Version 1
What I learned doing this assignment is … the horror outline provides a structure to your scene selection. This has been the most challenging assignment, thus far. I concur with Cameron–exhausting process to sequence the order of events–but a necessary part of the process.
1. EXT. RESIDENTIAL(SEMINOLE) STREET – NIGHT
A man (Jean) is taking the garbage out to the curb, directly above the sewers. As he opens the lid …
2. EXT. SEMINOLE STREET – NIGHT
He hears a noise. Two men (Piper and Clen) appear, their eyes blackening with oozing oil … as sharp claws remove the sewer grate. Jean is dragged down, as the tide rises, along with a dense fog. He disappears.
NOTE: OPENING SCENE
Horror Situation: A man is swallowed up by something.
APPREHENSION: He walks to the curb with some concern.
FEAR: He hears a suspicious noise, turns to see … eyes oozing with black oil.
SUSPENSE: Jean is dragged down, as the high tide washes away the blood on the street.
3. EXT. – SEMINOLE STRRET – DAY
Jean’s son and his friend, Duke, are hanging out in a treehouse.
4. EXT. – HOUSE NEXT DOOR – SAME
Stacy (the third member of the cult) is building a deck. He overhears the kids. The whites of his eyes turn black. The bright sky turns dark. The winds pick up, knocking them to the ground.
5. INT/EXT SEWERS – SAME
Fog rises u from beneath the sewer grates. Unseen entities snatch the ankles of the 8-year-olds. Max witnesses the end of this horrific event.
Horror Situation: Young children are taken into the abyss.
APPREHENSION: Jean and Duke are isolated targets.
FEAR: Why are they targeted, then snatched?
CREEPY MOMENT: Stacy’s black eyes, summoning evil.
PANIC: Kids terrified, helplessly screaming.
HORROR: Max is horrified as the children are taken by ‘something underground.’
6. INT. CLEN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Clen’s wife finds out that her son, Duke, has disappeared. She tells Clen she’s going to the sheriff.
7. EXT. – CLEN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
She is walking to her car when she sees a ghastly white image rise up from the sewer. Clen has summoned the evil that lurks underground. Her throat is sliced, severing her head.
8. INT/EXT SEWER – SAME
Her head rolls into the dirty canal water, as she collapses to the ground.
Horror Situation: Clen must stop his wife from going to the authorities.
ANXIETY: Clen’s wife feels anxiety. she wants to find her son.
SURPRISE: Clen stops her by summoning the ‘undead spirits.’
PANIC/HYSTERIA: She sees the spirits rising up, paralyzed with FEAR.
MONSTER REVEAL: Audience gets their first glimpse of the creatures that have been killing.
9. EXT. SEMINOLE STREET – DAY
Shwin is riding her bicycle. She stops to talk to Max. he invites her in to talk.
10. INT. MAX’S HOUSE – SAME
He confides what he’s seen. Unexplainable murders and disappearances. Shwin suggests they start a “neighborhood watch.” Max concurs; it’s a smart idea. He trusts her, but very few others in this small town consisting of 2 square miles. He suggests that they give the pastor, Father Bob, a visit in the near future. She nods.
NOTE: THIS IS A NON-HORROR SCENE
11. INT. CHURCH – SUNDAY
Father Bob is giving another insightful sermon to the church goers. Max and Shwin wait in the back pew. They wait until the church clears out to talk to Father Bob.
12. INT. CHURCH – SAME
Max and Shwin follow Father Bob to a private room. They explain what they’ve seen. Max divulges what he’s seen Stacy do. Shwin adds that she’s seen Piper and Clen up to no good. Father Bob doesn’t believe them. He says he’s known them too long for them to commit these heinous crimes. Max shakes his head in disbelief. Shwin grabs his arm. They exit.
Horror Situation: Max and Shwin want the pastor to help them go up against what they believe to be a cult summoning spirits from underground.
APPREHENSION: The pastor is reluctant to get involved.
SURPRISE: Max is surprised Father Bob denies their request.
FEAR: Perhaps, Father Bob is afraid to get involved.
ANGUISH: Max is distraught over the pastor’s refusal to help
13. INT. CHURCH – NIGHT
As fate would have it, Stacy visits Father Bob. He confesses his sins. He fears that if he doesn’t comply, Piper and Clen will dispose of him. He tells Father Bob of the cult’s transgressions, but is having a “crisis of conscience.” Father Bob agrees to absolve him, but only if he turns himself in.
14. INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Stacy starts to explain what he and his cohorts have done.
15. EXT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – SAME
Piper has been using binoculars from a distance. Now, he and Clen close in.
16. INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE -SAME
Piper and Clen enter. Stacy looks scared, but so does the sheriff–he’s been left alone, while his deputies are out. Clen grabs Piper and takes him outside. Piper orders that the sheriff invoke a “lockdown” on the town … or else his family will face the same consequences as those whom have disappeared. The sheriff obliges.
Horror Situation: The sheriff is afraid to go up against the cult. Stacy is taken hostage.
APPREHENSION/ANXIETY: The sheriff has anxiety over threat of his family.
FEAR: He is scared to confront Piper and Clen.
DREAD: He is torn, but decides he must follow Piper’s orders, even if it results in the deaths of many innocent townies.
17. EXT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Clen and Piper have tied up and bound Stacy for betraying them.
18. EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
Piper and Clen have taken Stacy to an abandoned area in the woods. They remove the blindfold. Stacy sees that a grave has been dug. He pleads for his life. He begs Clen to spare him, that they all grew up together in the harbor. Piper clobbers him from behind with a shovel. Stacy is thrown into the grave, still slightly conscious. He is buried alive, just like the original settlers in the 1800s. We will discover the truth soon …
Horror Situation: Clen and Piper sacrifice Stacy for his betrayal.
ANXIETY: Stacy is not sure what they will do to him.
FEAR: Stacy is terrified when he sees the grave. He feels DREAD.
PANIC: Stacy is thrown into the grave.
TERROR: He is semi-conscious but aware he’s being buried alive.
19. INT. CHURCH – DAY
With the town locked down, Max returns to the church. He implores Father Bob to perform an exorcism on the cult. The pastor agrees that it may work.
20. EXT. CHURCH – DUSK
Father Bob appears to be successful in summoning the undead spirits to turn on the cult.
21. EXT. CHURCH – SAME
Piper and Clen prove too strong for the courageous pastor. Their eyes begin to drip with black oil. The spirits listen to the cult’s wishes. Father Bob is spliced in half, then fed to the undead spirits, who have now risen up to wreak havoc.
22. EXT. TOWN – MOMENTS LATER
Townies attempt to flee the small town … only to discover it’s been locked down by the sheriff. Chaos ensues, as cars stop short, crashes abound.
Horror Situation: Clen and Piper prove too powerful for anyone to stop them.
APPREHENSION/ANXIETY: Innocent men, women and children are paralyzed by FEAR.
SHOCK: When Father Bob is slaughtered, Max and Shwin are stunned. They retreat.
PANIC: People are scrambling to get away, but they are isolated/trapped. No one gets in, no one gets out.
HYSTERIA: Townies are screaming hysterically as many are being tortured/killed.
23. INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE
Max and Shwin convince the sheriff to lift the lockdown.
24. EXT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE
Shwin takes Max by the hand, and tells him to go with her if he wants to live. They run, just as the sheriff is mutilated.
25. INT. SHACK – MIDDLE OF NIGHT
Shwin begins to explain that the original settlers are ancestors of hers. She holds up a finger, marks a circle on the wall. Flashing lights as she shows Max the horrific truth …
FLASHBACK … shows ancestors of the cult are responsible for the extinction of the Marsapeaques … 154 years ago. Max sees the builders blowing up American Indians. They were buried alive. Images of decaying flesh. Hence, Seminole Street is a Native American Indian Burial Ground. The “undead spirits” have been enslaved to the ancestors of the cult since the 1860s, all for the purpose of rebuilding their own town. Piper, Clen and the recently deceased Stacy are all descendants of the builders.
INT. SHACK – SAME
Max is thrust back to reality with a knock at the door. He motions to Shwin to open the door, as he holds a sawed-off shot gun. He aims it at the door.
26. EXT SHACK (POV FROM OUTSIDE)
Shwin opens the door. A few people from a faction known as the “revolt against the cult” are staring down the barrel. Max lowers the gun. He motions to let them in.
27. INT. SHACK – SAME
They are barely alive. Their flesh is mangled; some are missing limbs. Max explains Shwin’s history lesson. She explains there may be a strategy to outsmart the cult. She must show her Marsapeaquen descendants the visual truth of what happened to them, using her power of telepathy. This could free them from their enslaved curse.
Horror Situation:
APPREHENSION: Shwin is tentative for FEAR it won’t work.
SURPRISE: Max is stunned by this revelation that Shwin is part Native American.
PANIC: Shwin is afraid this plan could backfire and get her and Max killed.
28. INT. SHACK – SAME
Max and Shwin realize that the people they let in have bled out. The front door from the shack blows off from the heavy winds. They exit onto …
29. EXT. SEMINOLE STREET – SAME
Max looks up at a full moon which brightens the war zone. A tropical storm is rolling in with the high tide. The dirty salt water is coming from the canals, and up through the sewers. He implores her to use whatever power she has to command the undead spirits to turn on the cult. She closes her eyes, as a flash of light stuns the ghosts.
30. EXT. SEMINOLE STREET
Shwin telepathically shows her long ago ancestors that they, the Marsapeaques, were the original settlers. These decayed looking creatures can now see images of their young selves from centuries ago. Suddenly, the street splits open, freeing the rest of the Native Americans. They rise up to kill Piper and Clen. The cult is vanquished, being torn limb-from-limb. The “undead spirits” can now finally rest in peace.
Horror Situation: The town is under siege. Shwin must stop the hysteria.
SUSPENSE: Will Shwin’s mental telepathy work on the spirits?
PANIC: Even if Shwin is successful, can the spirits defeat the cult?
RELEASE: Balance and equilibrium are restored in the small community.
31. EXT. SEMINOLE STREET – DAWN
The endgame which started at dusk has concluded at dawn. The fog has passed. It’s a beautiful sunrise. Max and Shwin embrace, then kiss for the first time. A car passes by. Manfred Mann’s classic is playing. Max smiles and tells her that she is “The Mighty Shwin.”
32. EXT. STREET – SAME
Shwin starts to fade, like a ghost. Max grabs for her hand, as it slips through.
33. INT. EXT. SEWER
A hand reaches up through the sewer where the grates dislodged. Shwin is being pulled down, as Max grabs her hand. Again, it slips through, as she disappears into the dark abyss.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Scott Kaplan.
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Hey Scott!
Want to exchange feedback?
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Hi Cameron,
I actually finished original outline Saturday, but it wouldn’t upload to this forum. Had to copy/paste into a word doc, then copy/paste it back into this forum, so I just got it in at 1:30 am(EST). Working now… I’ll reach out later.
Regards,
Scott
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Scott Kaplan.
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Hey Scott!
Here’s what I loved!
I love that a main character is connected to the horror, and that she’s not just a victim to it. It unlocks all kinds of possibilities from a thematic and narrative sense, such as Shwin (the descendent) having to be the one to reconcile the ghosts (her ancestors). It has the potential to lean into a common theme where we alone have to be the ones to calm or recontextualize the past into something positive or constructive, rather than using it as a force of destruction against others for the pursuit of power, as we see the cult members do.
I’ll have questions about it, but I do like the angle of the cult leaders calling the shots, or leaving the very people who could oppose them too afraid to retaliate. It seems unbelievable at first, but it reflects the way real life works sometimes, and can be a haunting reflection to that reality. In addition, the way the cult members appropriate the burial ground for their own horrible means feels timely and a wonderful warning on what these types of people can achieve if we don’t keep them in check through honoring and knowing the stories of those who’ve passed.
What I have questions about…
Like I said before, I do have questions about the motives for why Father Bob or the sheriff wait so late to respond in the way we see them later in the script. For sure, one part of that is how terrible and violent everything becomes. But I would love to see more: How did the cult acquire the sheriff’s family as collateral? What history do the cult and Father Bob share? Is it just Piper and Clen, or is this cult spreading like a virus through the community? Answers to some of these questions would go a long way for me to suspend my disbelief, and earn a huge amount of return in the theme department. Speaking of which, on the surface it appears the theme relates to how the cult members take advantage of a marginalized group of the past for their own personal advancement, while the actual descendent of that group is the one that frees them. Again, amazing potential for a message there. You have an opportunity to apply that same theme to Father Bob and the sheriff, along with several other minor characters, in subtle ways as well. Hell, the way the two characters could die horribly may be used to connect to the story’s theme, rather than the way it is now where structurally they feel like more of a means to an end.
What are the specific abilities of the monsters (both the cultists and the ghosts), and is there a way to ramp them up more throughout the story. It feels at one point we go from slowly revealing the monsters all the way to total apocalypse in just a few scenes. Is there a way the ghosts kill that links them to the original natives, of are they a projection of the way Piper and Clen think about killing? What are the rules and how can they drive the story and themes in new and interesting directions? Lastly, on that total apocalypse we get. I’m assuming this is taking place in modern day where everyone and their dog has a cell phone with a camera on it, as well as a social media account. When does the government catch wind of this and send in the National Guard? It’s a serious question, because that option opens the door for your story to stand out amongst the other ghost stories that are 100% contained with no national or international ramifications. How would the military respond to a paranormal national threat? What horrific events could happen if Piper and Clen planned on the military getting involved, and used them to their advantage to wreak havoc on the community they’re sworn to defend? Going too big could derail what’s already excellent about your outline, so exploring these possibilities with the Shwin, the cultists, and your working theme grounding them could help to explore some untraveled roads in a way that is still structurally coherent.
These really are just questions more than they are critiques. You’ve got something solid here, and I’m hoping my asking these questions serves as creative inspiration to elevate an already promising outline.
Thanks and best regards!
Cam
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Scott Kaplan’s Horror Outline Version 2
TITLE: “The Mighty Shwin”
LOGLINE: A cult spawned from ancestors who murdered the original settlers centuries ago … use the enslaved spirits to kill, threatening the existence of mankind until …a descendent of the Marsapeaques uses her “powers” to stand up and rise against evil.
What I learned doing this assignment is … the horror outline provides a structure to your scene selection. This has been the most challenging assignment, thus far. I concur with Cameron–exhausting process to sequence the order of events–but a necessary part of the process.
The improvements involve a governmental conspiracy connected to the cult. They are all ancestors of the builders who buried alive the Native American Indians, leaving them to suffer in purgatory for 154 years.
1. EXT. RESIDENTIAL(SEMINOLE) STREET – NIGHT
A man (Jean) is taking the garbage out to the curb, directly above the sewers. As he opens the lid …
2. EXT. SEMINOLE STREET – NIGHT
He hears a noise. Two men (Piper and Clen) appear, their eyes blackening with oozing oil … as sharp claws remove the sewer grate. Jean is dragged down, as the tide rises, along with a dense fog. He disappears.
NOTE: OPENING SCENE
Horror Situation: A man is swallowed up by something.
APPREHENSION: He walks to the curb with some concern.
FEAR: He hears a suspicious noise, turns to see … eyes oozing with black oil.
SUSPENSE: Jean is dragged down, as the high tide washes away the blood on the street.
3. EXT. – SEMINOLE STRRET – DAY
Jean’s son and his friend, Duke, are hanging out in a treehouse.
4. EXT. – HOUSE NEXT DOOR – SAME
Stacy (the third member of the cult) is building a deck. He overhears the kids. The whites of his eyes turn black. The bright sky turns dark. The winds pick up, knocking them to the ground.
5. INT/EXT SEWERS – SAME
Fog rises from beneath the sewer grates. Unseen entities snatch the ankles of the 8-year-olds. Max witnesses the end of this horrific event.
Horror Situation: Young children are taken into the abyss.
APPREHENSION: Jean and Duke are isolated targets.
FEAR: Why are they targeted, then snatched?
CREEPY MOMENT: Stacy’s black eyes, summoning evil.
PANIC: Kids terrified, helplessly screaming.
HORROR: Max is horrified as the children are taken by ‘something underground.’
6. INT. CLEN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Clen’s wife finds out that her son, Duke, has disappeared. She tells Clen she’s going to the sheriff.
7. EXT. – CLEN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
She is walking to her car when she sees a ghastly white image rise up from the sewer. Clen has summoned the evil that lurks underground. Her throat is sliced, severing her head.
8. INT/EXT SEWER – SAME
Her head rolls into the dirty canal water, as she collapses to the ground.
Horror Situation: Clen must stop his wife from going to the authorities.
ANXIETY: Clen’s wife feels anxiety. she wants to find her son.
SURPRISE: Clen stops her by summoning the ‘undead spirits.’
PANIC/HYSTERIA: She sees the spirits rising up, paralyzed with FEAR.
MONSTER REVEAL: Audience gets their first glimpse of the creatures that have been killing.
9. EXT. SEMINOLE STREET – DAY
Shwin is riding her bicycle. She stops to talk to Max. he invites her in to talk.
10. INT. MAX’S HOUSE – SAME
He confides what he’s seen. Unexplainable murders and disappearances. Shwin suggests they start a “neighborhood watch.” Max concurs; it’s a smart idea. He trusts her, but very few others in this small town consisting of 2 square miles. He suggests that they give the pastor, Father Bob, a visit in the near future. She nods.
NOTE: THIS IS A NON-HORROR SCENE
11. INT. CHURCH – SUNDAY
Father Bob is giving another insightful sermon to the church goers. Max and Shwin wait in the back pew. They wait until the church clears out to talk to Father Bob.
12. INT. CHURCH – SAME
Max and Shwin follow Father Bob to a private room. They explain what they’ve seen. Max divulges what he’s seen Stacy do. Shwin adds that she’s seen Piper and Clen up to no good. Father Bob doesn’t believe them. He says he’s known them too long for them to commit these heinous crimes. Max shakes his head in disbelief. Shwin grabs his arm. They exit.
Horror Situation: Max and Shwin want the pastor to help them go up against what they believe to be a cult summoning spirits from underground.
APPREHENSION: The pastor is reluctant to get involved.
SURPRISE: Max is surprised Father Bob denies their request.
FEAR: Perhaps, Father Bob is afraid to get involved.
ANGUISH: Max is distraught over the pastor’s refusal to help.
13. EXT. CHURCH – LATER
Clen and piper have witnessed Max and Shwin leave the church. They approach.
14. INT. CHURCH – SAME
They confront Father Bob, reminding him of their powers–that they control the spirits suffering from years of purgatory. Father Bob asks them to let the spirits rest in peace. They refuse, warning him that if he is planning to do anything, he will perish in the parish.
15. INT. CHURCH – NIGHT
As fate would have it, Stacy visits Father Bob. He confesses his sins. He fears that if he doesn’t comply, Piper and Clen will dispose of him. He tells Father Bob of the cult’s transgressions, but is having a “crisis of conscience.” Father Bob agrees to absolve him, but only if he turns himself in.
16. INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Stacy starts to explain what he and his cohorts have done.
17. EXT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – SAME
Piper has been using binoculars from a distance. Now, he and Clen close in.
18. INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE -SAME
Piper and Clen enter. Stacy looks scared, but so does the sheriff–he’s been left alone, while his deputies are out. Clen grabs Stacy and takes him outside. Piper orders that the sheriff invoke a “lockdown” on the town … or else his family will face the same consequences as those whom have disappeared. Piper threatens to tell the sheriff’s wife of his affair.
Horror Situation: The sheriff is afraid to go up against the cult. Stacy is taken hostage.
APPREHENSION/ANXIETY: The sheriff has anxiety over threat of his family.
FEAR: He is scared to confront Piper and Clen.
DREAD: He is torn, but decides he must follow Piper’s orders, even if it results in the deaths of many innocent townies.
19. EXT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Clen and Piper have tied up and bound Stacy for betraying them, throwing him in the back of their truck. They call their contacts in Washington D.C. The cult has relatives high up in government. Hence, a conspiracy to conceal the truth about the paranormal threat. The sheriff is then called by D.C. and ordered to impose a town lockdown.
20. EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
Piper and Clen have taken Stacy to an abandoned area in the woods. They remove the blindfold. Stacy sees that a grave has been dug. He pleads for his life. He begs Clen to spare him, that they all grew up together in the harbor. Piper clobbers him from behind with a shovel. Stacy is thrown into the grave, still slightly conscious. He is buried alive, just like the original settlers in the 1800s. We will discover the truth soon …
Horror Situation: Clen and Piper sacrifice Stacy for his betrayal.
ANXIETY: Stacy is not sure what they will do to him.
FEAR: Stacy is terrified when he sees the grave. He feels DREAD.
PANIC: Stacy is thrown into the grave.
TERROR: He is semi-conscious but aware he’s being buried alive.
21. INT. CHURCH – DAY
With the town locked down, Max returns to the church. He implores Father Bob to perform an exorcism on the cult. The pastor agrees that it may work.
22. EXT. CHURCH – DUSK
Father Bob appears to be successful in summoning the undead spirits to turn on the cult. Piper and Clen prove too strong for the courageous pastor. Their eyes begin to drip with black oil. The spirits listen to the cult’s wishes. Father Bob is spliced in half, then fed to the undead spirits, who have now risen up to wreak havoc.
23. EXT. TOWN – MOMENTS LATER
Townies attempt to flee the small town … only to discover it’s been locked down by the sheriff. Chaos ensues, as cars stop short, crashes abound.
Horror Situation: Clen and Piper prove too powerful for anyone to stop them.
APPREHENSION/ANXIETY: Innocent men, women and children are paralyzed by FEAR.
SHOCK: When Father Bob is slaughtered, Max and Shwin are stunned. They retreat.
PANIC: People are scrambling to get away, but they are isolated/trapped. No one gets in, no one gets out.
HYSTERIA: Townies are screaming hysterically as many are being tortured/killed.
24. INT./EXT SHERIFF’S OFFICE
Max and Shwin convince the sheriff to lift the lockdown. Shwin takes Max by the hand, and tells him to go with her if he wants to live. They run, just as the sheriff is mutilated.
25. INT. SHACK – MIDDLE OF NIGHT
Shwin begins to explain that the original settlers are ancestors of hers. She holds up a finger, marks a circle on the wall. Flashing lights as she shows Max the horrific truth …
FLASHBACK … shows ancestors of the cult are responsible for the extinction of the Marsapeaques … 154 years ago. Max sees the builders blowing up American Indians. They were buried alive. Images of decaying flesh. Hence, Seminole Street is a Native American Indian Burial Ground. The “undead spirits” have been enslaved to the ancestors of the cult since the 1860s, all for the purpose of rebuilding their own town. Piper, Clen and the recently deceased Stacy are all descendants of the builders.
INT. SHACK – SAME
Max is thrust back to reality with a knock at the door. He motions to Shwin to open the door, as he holds a sawed-off shot gun. He aims it at the door.
26. EXT SHACK (POV FROM OUTSIDE)
Shwin opens the door. A few people from a faction known as the “revolt against the cult” are staring down the barrel. Max lowers the gun. He motions to let them in.
27. INT. SHACK – SAME
They are barely alive. Their flesh is mangled; some are missing limbs. Max explains Shwin’s history lesson. She explains there may be a strategy to outsmart the cult. She must show her Marsapeaquen descendants the visual truth of what happened to them, using her power of telepathy. This could free them from their enslaved curse.
Horror Situation:
APPREHENSION: Shwin is tentative for FEAR it won’t work.
SURPRISE: Max is stunned by this revelation that Shwin is part Native American.
PANIC: Shwin is afraid this plan could backfire and get her and Max killed.
28. INT. SHACK – SAME
Max and Shwin realize that the people they let in have bled out. The front door from the shack blows off from the heavy winds. They exit onto …
29. EXT. SEMINOLE STREET – SAME
Max looks up at a full moon which brightens the war zone. A tropical storm is rolling in with the high tide. The dirty salt water is coming from the canals, and up through the sewers. He implores her to use whatever power she has to command the undead spirits to turn on the cult. She closes her eyes, as a flash of light stuns the ghosts.
30. EXT. SEMINOLE STREET
Shwin telepathically shows her long ago ancestors that they, the Marsapeaques, were the original settlers. These decayed looking creatures can now see images of their young selves from centuries ago. Suddenly, the street splits open, freeing the rest of the Native Americans. They rise up to kill Piper and Clen. The cult is vanquished, being torn limb-from-limb. The “undead spirits” can now finally rest in peace.
Horror Situation: The town is under siege. Shwin must stop the hysteria.
SUSPENSE: Will Shwin’s mental telepathy work on the spirits?
PANIC: Even if Shwin is successful, can the spirits defeat the cult?
RELEASE: Balance and equilibrium are restored in the small community.
31. EXT. SEMINOLE STREET – DAWN
The endgame which started at dusk has concluded at dawn. The fog has passed. It’s a beautiful sunrise. Max and Shwin embrace, then kiss for the first time. A car passes by. Manfred Mann’s classic is playing. Max smiles and tells her that she is “The Mighty Shwin.”
32. EXT. STREET – SAME
Shwin starts to fade, like a ghost. Max grabs for her hand, as it slips through.
33. INT./ EXT. SEWER
A hand reaches up through the sewer where the grates dislodged. Shwin is being pulled down, as Max grabs her hand. Again, it slips through, as she disappears into the dark abyss.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Scott Kaplan.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by
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Eric Humble’s Outline Version 1
“WINO”
MM1:
INT. ABANDONED SUBWAY PLATFORM – NIGHT
Three guys hanging out drinking. A preppy college kid staggers down in a panic, begs them to sell him drugs… he takes some pills but before they kick in, he smells something rank approaching and takes off. The guys can’t see what’s spooking him.
EXT. STREET ABOVE – NIGHT
He looks around, sees nothing. He guzzles from a bottle. Then the drugs kick in. Suddenly, a big, obscured figure is right behind him – in a blur, it jabs a broken bottle into his throat, carves out his jugular… and slurps up his blood as it gushes out.
Horror Situation: The preppy kid is being chased by something no one else can see.
Apprehension: The kid seems drunk – but also scared. Demands drugs.
Scare: A trashcan falls over… but no one’s back there.
Release: The guys talk about the raccoons down here, which is probably what that was.
Creepy moment/Suspense: A noxious smell wafts toward them.
Panic: The kid panics, throws money and credit cards at them – just wants drugs. One of the guys gives him a pill.
Dread: The smell settles on the steps where the kid needs to go to get to the street.
Suspense: He makes it to the street… but it feels like something is walking up right alongside him – and the stench is intensifying.
Release: He makes it to the street. No one is there. He’s safe.
Creepy Moment: Then the drug kicks in and he experiences a warped sense of euphoria.
Shock: Except a figure is right behind him.
Horror: It slashes him with a broken bottle and slurps up his blood as it sprays out.
INT. UNIVERSITY HOUSING – NIGHT
Rachel comes home in scrubs, showers. Text from “Mac:” Can’t find my necklace anywhere. Rachel immediately spots it. She writes a letter, places a stamp on it, addresses it simply Mom. Mac texts/calls incessantly throughout, telling her to come out with them and to bring her necklace. Rachel stops to pray – an unusual prayer, in German… but Mac’s text interrupts her: What else do you have to do tonight, pray? Rachel leaves, not particularly happy about it.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Mackenzie brings Rachel a shirley temple to chide her about how she doesn’t drink – but she’s spiked it with vodka. Rachel spits it out. Mac claims she just wants her to loosen up – especially for the night they have planned. Then she introduces a man she’s just met, Bremmer…
…who is arm-wrestling Mac’s boyfriend Bill at the bar, and losing – but with charm. Bremmer points out Bill’s U.S. Marines tattoo. He regales them with the epic bash he’s setting up across town later tonight, an underground club. Invites them all, leaves.
A nasty smell comes over Rachel and an invitation suddenly flutters onto the table on stained, ragged paper: Party With Me. It lists the address.
Mackenzie brushes it off, urges her to come along as part of her “big city adventure.”
MM2:
INT. VERONICA’S DORM – NIGHT
Veronica, sick with a cold, in pajamas – opens the door on Mac and promptly shuts it with an eye roll. Mackenzie pushes Veronica to go, but she urges them not to go, because it’s in a dodgy section of town where you can’t get a rideshare after midnight. Mackenzie brushes this off because there’s allegedly a subway stop nearby.
INT. NOAH’S DORM – NIGHT
Noah is studying – when Mac acts like there’s an emergency to get him to open up. Mac finally convinces Rachel to go by ushering in Noah for the trip; Rachel is clearly crushing on Noah.
Meanwhile, Roach, Noah’s roommate, snorts coke in the bathroom… overhears and invites himself along, despite no one wanting him to go because he’s creepy – by paying for an upscale rideshare to pregame.
EXT. DERELICT FACTORY – NIGHT
Their rideshare drops them at an abandoned industrial park, all shadows and crumbling, empty buildings. They realize the section of town they’re in is where a building spontaneously collapsed a few years ago. Noah assesses the building as condemned for a reason – will collapse at any time.
But Veronica sees The Wino –
Monster Reveal: –a man in ragged clothes whose face is covered in a canvas mask with stitched X’s for eyes and a lopsided mouth drawn on with a tongue hanging out – a “shitface” drunk expression.
Veronica is creeped out. Noah dismisses him – probably just wants a couple of bucks to get loaded… but he doesn’t see any wino. Mackenzie brushes it aside; she doesn’t see anyone either.
Rachel finally calls it – let’s go. Bill seconds it, unafraid but aware this is an unwise move.
Mac charges ahead to follow some faint music out of jealousy, because Bill has deferred to Rachel. Roach pooh-poohs everyone’s suspicions – wants to see what there is to see… and goes along with her. Veronica doesn’t want to go, but follows because she doesn’t want to linger there with The WIno.
INT. UPPER LEVEL – NIGHT
They get closer to the thrumming music – but halt as Mac sees a message scrawled on the wall in feces: Party with Me. Mac turns to Roach, admits she’s scared; this isn’t a good idea –
– when Bremmer opens the door . An epic bash is going on up in the loft. Two rules to enter: they have to lock up their phones. They’re not supposed to be here and there are some VIPs – they can’t allow anyone to post anything about the party. And they have to do a shot at the door. Mac dares Rachel… and Rachel does the shot to prove she’s not a prude. Mac pushes them all to do the same. Bill dives in and does a shot to show Mac he’s her man.
INT. PARTY – NIGHT
Epic party, lots of people grinding on the dance floor. Noah and Rachel. Noah is uncomfortable bringing up her religion, but wants to know how chaste she’s required to be. She’s offended by his awkward questions, and we learn that she’s Amish – using the time she’s allowed away from the cloistered, secretive community to study medicine in the hopes of getting out of the oppressive life she’s grown up in.
Meanwhile, Veronica makes Roach accompany her to the bathroom, but they get lost in the labyrinth of crumbling rooms.
Horror Situation: Lost and isolated
Anxiety: In the dark, they hear strange noises.
Release: It must just be the creaking of the house.
Creepy Moment: But the horrible smell comes over them.
Scare: A door opens abruptly, right in front of them.
Release: But it’s the bathroom door and a drunk woman is stumbling out. She nods toward the darkness, asks if that guy has any weed.
Shock: They look to wear she was nodding and see the silhouette of the Wino, just standing there in the darkness.
Anxiety: Back on the dance floor, Mac and Bill and Rachel and Noah are falling under the influence of whatever they drank in that shot and the dance is getting sexier and sexier…. Until they all black out.
INT. LOFT – NIGHT
… only to awaken alone. The party is long over, the place trashed, and it’s way past time to get a rideshare anywhere in this part of the city… if they could even get to their phones, but that room is locked.
Intrigue: Rachel goes to the bathroom – and as she’s dressing, we see she has a series of scars along her back.
EXT. CORRIDOR TO THE ELEVATOR – NIGHT
Veronica just wants to get out and presses the button for the freight elevator to take them down…
Shock: … but it opens and the drunk girl who inquired about buying weed tumbles out, dead, her spine ripped open.
Panic: Veronica panics, sinks against a wall, hyperventilating –
Release: …until Roach gets her breathing under control. Roach takes a drink from a bottle lying around and offers her a sip, which she declines because she’s on cold medicine.
Mac freezes up upon seeing the body – then owns up to being responsible when Rachel calls her out on it. Noah is freaked out, doesn’t want any of them to go near the body – and refuses to himself, feeling queasy.
But Rachel gets up close to examine it, and Roach joins her, fascinated by the gore. Rachel identifies that the spine has been ripped out and there are teeth marks on it… and fragments of glass around the wound. Someone did this with a liquor bottle. The girl has a glass pipe in hand, charred from recent use – she smoked meth. No wonder the party broke up.
Bill takes charge, leads them away from the body – orders them not to touch anything. They’re getting straight out even if they have to walk the whole way across town, then they’re calling an anonymous tip in to cops as soon as they’re on safe ground. Warns them to be on guard. “From here to the street is a warzone.”
MM3:
INT. FREIGHT ELEVATOR/OVERLOOK – NIGHT
Veronica’s the only one able to see The Wino at the bottom of the elevator in the creepy mask. The others don’t see anything and just want to get out – but Veronica is on the verge of hysteria… and The Wino is now gone. Maybe lurking in the shadows, waiting. Bill believes her – as does Rachel. After all, something carved that girl’s spine out. They’re not going to take the elevator in case he’s still down there.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
They look for a staircase down, but get disoriented. Lit up Exit sign. They run to it, only to find it’s not even at a door – it’s just mounted there on the wall. And the door they entered through is now closed and locked from the outside.
INT. STORAGE CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Horror Situation: Pursued
Anxiety: They smell and sense its presence…
Shock: …then something grabs Rachel. She can’t see it…looks like air, but it’s got her. She thrashes, pulls away… but it tears the back of her dress.
Release: She looks behind her. Doesn’t see anything. Maybe she got snagged on a loose nail or piece of particle board.
Scare: But Veronica sees The Wino right behind her, sniffing her. for them. Roach sees him too.
Fear: Veronica sticks with Roach as they all bolt for it… and outrun it, shoving a massive piece of machinery in front of the door as a barricade. Noah gets everyone inside the next partition while remaining behind to finish barricading the door. Notices that it’s lumbering, not fast.
INT. STORAGE ROOM – NIGHT
Demand/Intrigue: The others see Rachel’s scars now that her dress is torn. They start freaking out that whatever it is has done that to her.
Reveal: She has to tell them to calm down. She’s had those scars. But she won’t admit more.
Roach brings up that they just outran it. Why don’t we just run past him? More to the point, there are six of us and one of him. Bill rallies them to stay calm and stick together. They need to know more about him and this place before they engage. They arm themselves with anything that could be used as a weapon.
They discover Bremmer hiding.
Character Reveal: A sudden rage comes over Rachel. She accosts him, comes at him with a heavy board as a weapon, accusing this all of being his fault. Bringing them here, forcing them to drink until they blacked out… But Bill stops her.
Bremmer acts like he’s panicking and trying to escape, that he’s as disoriented as them… but knows the building better. There’s another freight elevator somewhere on the other side of the building, if they can orient themselves…
Just as they’re coming up with a plan, the barricade is shoved aside with ease – and Veronica is stabbed in the gut with bottle and dragged away screaming by the Wino.
Bill orders them to scatter and hide. Better to live and rescue Veronica once they regroup with a plan than try to take on whatever the hell this guy is.
MM4:
EXT. CATWALK/OVERLOOKING FACTORY FLOOR – NIGHT
As they proceed, Bremmer tries to convince them to make a deal with the Wino. Mackenzie’s the only one who champions this. They come to a catwalk, and Bill asks Noah’s opinion – is it structurally sound? It’s a better tactical option than going out in the open on the factory floor below, where The Wino can hide among the old crumbling machines.
Roach is terrified of heights. Opts to stay behind while they check it out.
Horror Situation: The Wino is stalking them but they can’t all see it.
Suspense: He sees The Wino closing in on the others from this vantage, but can’t call out to them because it will give his position away. He grips the bottle tightly as he watches, helpless.
Dread: Tries to draw The Wino away from them by tapping the bottle on the metal railing. It turns to him. Sweating, short of breath, he turns to run…
Suspense: …but gets turned around as he retreats. He mutters to himself, trying to keep himself together, but the panic is in his voice…
Release: But The Wino suddenly isn’t there. Maybe he’s safe. He breathes easy.
Shock: The Wino springs out and stabs Roach’s nose!
Release: Rachel and the others hear his scream. Return. The Wino retreats at the sound of their approach.
Dread: The shards are still embedded in the bone and have to be removed before they pierce something vital… just as they locate the second elevator. Bill orders Rachel to treat him; just get him in shape to move. But they know they’re sitting ducks out here. It’s a trap.
Anxiety: They can smell The Wino – it’s still around here somewhere. Mac is tense, looking around for it.
Suspense: Rachel gives Roach more whiskey to numb him a bit…
Creepy Moment /Anguish: …and starts pulling out the shards…
Suspense/Dread: …as Roach’s eyes widen – because he’s seeing the Wino sabotage the second elevator in his stupor, and can’t warn them before he falls unconscious.
INT. ELEVATOR BANK – NIGHT
Horror Situation: Out of the frying pan, into the fire. <b role=”presentation”>Dread: Bill hears it but doesn’t see it. Is going to take him out with a makeshift knife from behind. Noah is Bill’s second, but Bill gives him the order, “If anything happens to me, don’t reveal yourself. Retreat and regroup.” <b role=”presentation”>Suspense: They each take swig of the bottle for “liquid courage.”
Suspense: Bill goes to make his move… but regrets the drink—it’s making his reflexes too slow. He forces himself to vomit, sobers up…
Fear: …and then, suddenly sober, he can no longer see it, even though the others can.
Shock: It goes into a rage and stabs Bill repeatedly, eating nothing off of him.
Anguish: Bill’s bloody corpse slaps the floor. Mac bites her hand to keep from screaming or sobbing openly. Rachel pulls more glass from Roach’s face, eyes averted from Bill, concentrating… but tears roll down her cheeks.
Suspense: Mac charges at it with a hammer – but Noah stops her, silences her. Suspense: Rachel presses on repairing Roach’s face.
Fear: She realizes The Wino is invisible unless you’re drunk or high.
MM5:
INT. FACTORY FLOOR – NIGHT
They have no choice but to cross the factory floor, a strategically foolhardy plan. They pass around a bottle first. Rachel won’t take it. Breaks away, prays.
Demand: Noah comforts her – doesn’t want to disrespect her religion, but she needs to drink. Everyone’s looking at her, telling her to hurry up.
Reveal: She admits that while alcohol is proscribed by her religion, alcoholism is rampant among her congregation. Shows them the scars – her dad is a drunk. He did this to her in a drunken rage… he has many drunken rages. His genes are in her. She doesn’t drink because she’s afraid of what she’ll do when drunk. The rage. The inability to stop drinking. But Noah brings up Bill – it has too much of an advantage on them if they can’t see it. Rachel finally takes the drink.
Then they notice that Bremmer is no longer among them.
INT. MACHINE ROOM – NIGHT
Horror Situation: Bremmer is being tortured.
The Wino has Bremmer, is tying him to a machine’s conveyor belt, activates a rotary saw at the end. Gives him a broom whose handle is long enough to reach the control button – if he can keep a clear enough head to push it.
Meanwhile, The Wino has zeroed in on two pieces of equipment, one of which Mackenzie is behind… He pees into them, forcing her to show herself.
Rachel hides and watches. Sees that it’s sickly. Constantly detoxing – sick, weak, shaking with DTs. Only achieves its strength once it consumes drugs or alcohol, but loses the strength quickly after – a fast metabolism.
She slides Mackenzie an aerosol can of flammable paint but can’t get to Bremmer without being seen. Mackenzie comes out swinging with a cigarette lighter and the spray, burning him in the face.
Rachel leaves the last of the alcohol in a pool but it won’t get distracted and go toward it… until a rat drinks it. The Wino chases the rat instead of them, allowing her to release Bremmer.
INT. FACTORY FLOOR – NIGHT
They get clear, allowing The Wino to continue past them. But they’re out of alcohol. Roach and Bremmer both reveal they’ve brought along hard drugs: acid, meth, heroin.
MM6:
INT. FACTORY FLOOR – NIGHT
Rachel refuses to do hard drugs. Noah seconds Rachel’s decision even as Bremmer, Mackenzie, and Roach take a hit of meth.
INT. BOILER ROOM – NIGHT
Roach is hoarding a stash of coke. Noah wants some so he won’t have to drop acid, the only other alternative… but Roach’s addiction won’t let him. Noah drios acid…
INT. FARTHER ALONG – NIGHT
then catches Roach preparing coke. He fights him and Roach loses the coke through a crack in the floor. Roach lingers behind to try and collect what he can… but The Wino converges on him and breaks off his nose to get what’s inside… then cracks into his skull and sucks it out of his brain.
INT. BOILER ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel pieces together that it consumes the drugs and alcohol secondhand – took meth from the spine of the party girl, ate cocaine out of Roach’s brain, but didn’t eat anything off Bill, just killed him in a rage because he wasn’t drunk. It needs to consume alcohol or drugs through people to feed its endless addiction.
INT. RICKETY SECTION – NIGHT
Treacherous landscape – as the acid kicks in, Noah hallucinates the others transforming into hideous wraiths. He turns on them, fighting… and steps wrong, causing the floor to collapse.
INT. WINO’S LAIR – NIGHT
Rachel climbs down to help him. They’ve landed in The Wino’s lair. Victorian-age artifacts, portraits with the eyes slashed out and defaced to show drunkenness and lewdness, an altar with a pentagram and devilish statues.
Rachel won’t accept it, paces around, hysterical, acting like this is all going to be a nightmare she’ll wake up from… and then she sees…
…There’s a way out from here – a staircase that leads to an open door, light streaming in.
But Bremmer locks them in – and reveals that he hosted the party as a plan to meet The Wino. He’s known the legends and wants its power… and is offering the survivors as a bargaining chip. They try to bust out… but can’t.
MM7:
INT. WINO’S LAIR – NIGHT
There’s a rancid smell – The Wino is in here with them, but they can’t see it or pinpoint it… and they’re on its turf, a whole mazelike lair to navigate to get to the stairs.
Noah sobers up for a moment, his leg broken with an open fracture. Spots The Wino and finds a gun that he has to be steady enough to load… he can’t do it in his trippy state. Opts to take a bullet and a hammer — but it isn’t the Wino. It’s Veronica’s corpse.
The real Wino comes up behind him, kills him with the bottle, and gnaws the base of his brain at his neck.
Mac finds a bottle of whiskey, urges Rachel to drink so they can see it – but Rachel is thinking, based on Noah’s death – getting drunk or high allows you to see it, but hinders your ability to fight it… she gets an idea and looks to Veronica’s body.
INT. DOORWAY – NIGHT
The Wino lets Bremmer in, like it’s open to the deal he’s making by offering him the others… but instead of rewarding him, The Wino ties him up. He struggles against the Wino to no avail, other than breaking his own limbs to try and get free. The Wino forces him to take all the drugs and alcohol, even after his body is rejecting it and shutting down…
INT. WINO’S LAIR – NIGHT
Rachel takes Veronica’s cold medicine – and discovers it allows her to see The Wino without being overly impaired. She acts like she can’t see him and lures him into a rickety section of the building… then knocks the ceiling down on him and stabs him repeatedly with his own bottle, raging just like her abusive father.
It seems to kill him. Except he springs back up! When… Bill, still alive, pins him… Exactly as he was trying to before – stabs it with the makeshift knife. Pulls it clear of Mac and Rachel. He’s dying, but they take him with them.
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
They run out into the free air. But Bill dies. They cradle him…. Then The Wino shows up and devours his corpse, allowing them a moment to run to the subway.
INT. SUBWAY PLATFORM – NIGHT
They reach the subway platform. It’s empty and crumbling, no train coming. But they can hear a train somewhere ahead – they’re close to a functioning station. They have a choice – the safer route, above ground… but the medicine is starting to wear off and he’ll be invisible once they get up there. Or the tunnel, a straight shot to the next terminal and in the dark they’ll be as invisible to him as he is to them….
INT. TUNNEL – NIGHT
And while Rachel is deliberating, Mac takes off… only for Rachel to hear a muffled scream… because The Wino is already ahead of them in there and has just stabbed her through the gut with the bottle, slurps the cold medicine out of her stomach.
Out of alcohol and lighter drugs, Rachel has no choice but to inject heroin with the plan of using Narcan on her to sap it out of her body as soon as she can escape.
The Wino forces Rachel to walk the outside rim of the track – just inches away from the third rail, if she can manage to walk that straight.
Rachel tricks him onto the third rail, zapping him, finally making it within sight of the next subway stop, which seems to be populated and operational.
INT. OPERATIONAL SUBWAY PLATFORM – NIGHT
Rachel emerges at a platform, just getting populated for the morning rush. She finds a discarded whiskey bottle with some drink left in it.
INT. SUBWAY – DAWN
Gets on the subway with the bottle in a paper bag, swigs it as the train brings her back to the city. She’s wary of the winos and sketchy-looking passengers. Someone gives her a disapproving look, grumbles: “Lousy drunk, what a waste…”
INT. WINO’S LAIR – DAWN
Bremmer is still alive back at the Wino’s lair, even though his body is writhing in agony for multiple overdoses… The Wino crawls back in, barely alive, and proceeds to eat him whole.
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