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Day 3 Assignment
Post your Day 3 assignments here!
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13 Replies
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Christina Parker
What I learned about this assignment was, when I used the beat sheet it really helped me to see the structural problems. Before doing this I had no idea what was wrong.
BEAT SHEET
ACT ONE
1. EXT. EGYPT 1893 – DUSK
An archaeologist and his servant find an ancient box. They are going to America to sell it for a great price. Good
2. EXT. TOWN STREET Present Day – DAY
Tub & Gazza are two bumbling but menacing criminals, new in the town of Creede. Good
3. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
We meet Connor, 14, his friend Danny. Connor is a rebel who doesn’t like Jak, the goth girl. I brainstormed other ideas but found this original idea was the best. Good
4. EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS – DAY
Connor has an 8yro brother Eli. Connor doesn’t want his brother hanging around him. Baxter, another of Connor’s friends is a smart nerd who gets bullied by Kade. Good
5. INT. GIFT SHOP – DAY
Connor steals an item for his mum’s birthday, he is seen by the local pastor and crop duster, Steve. Steve questions his own faith. Danny, Connor’s friend is a Christian. Good
6. INT. SHOP: CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT – LATER…
A woman takes out the meager days takings from the till. Good
7. INT. PETERS HOUSE – CONT…
The woman is Elizabeth, Connor’s mum. She reprimands Connor for not bringing Eli home as he has asthma. Connor has an attitude when he sees Eli has made a potholder for his mum’s birthday. Connor accidentally drops it and it breaks. Eli is upset. Good
8. EXT. FOREST– CONT…
Connor races on his bike to meet his friends. This is part of the next scene. Good
9. EXT. and then INT. MINE – CONT…
Connor meets up with Baxter and Danny at the abandoned mine. They go inside while exploring a rock slide has Connor stumbling into a vertical shaft. He finds an ancient box buried down a tunnel and the boys make their way out. The box opens to reveal ten figurines. Connor gives one to each boy. Need to elevate to include a 1<sup>st</sup> Turning Point visual of impending plague.
ACT TWO
1. INT. TRAIN 1893 – DAY
The servant warns his master, the archaeologist, that the box will only bring death. The archaeologist rebukes him. Good
2. INT. STEVE’S LOUNGE Present – NIGHT
Steve watches TV & drinks alone. Jak walks in and they have an argument about her dress code. Good
3. INT. CONNORS ROOM – NIGHT
Planes adorn the room Eli plays with one of the figurines from the box while outside the room Connor and his mum argue about chores. Eli drops the figurine under Connor’s bed. Good
4. INT. BAXTERS ROOM – CONT…
Baxter calls Connor to tell him he has found information on the box. It represented the ten plagues of Egypt and there was a warning on the box. He relates that the Nile God was the god of water. Good
5. PETERS KITCHEN – CONT…
Elizabeth turns on the faucet blood fills the glass. Good
6. CONNORS BEDROOM – CONT…
Elizabeth interrupts Baxter to tell Connor not to drink the water. Connor wants to know if Elizabeth had a lot of money would she move to the city. Good
7. INT. 1893 BEDROOM CREEDE – DAY
The servant secretly takes the box from his master’s room and hides it. The archaeologist shoots his servant. Need to elevate.
8. INT. PETERS BATHROOM – CONT…
The shower pours blood. Elizabeth is shocked. Good
9. PETERS KITCHEN – LATER
Elizabeth on the phone: The water board finds that the contamination in the water is blood but hides it from the public. Good
10. PETERS LOUNGE – CONT…
Connor and Eli watch the TV report on the town trying to cope with the strange red water. Need to elevate
11. EXT. RIVER – LATER
Elizabeth takes the boys to the river Danny is staring at the red river. Tells Connor the water turned to blood in Egypt. Take out the scene.
12. INT. ANTIQUE DEALERS – LATER
Tub & Gazza try to sell stolen goods. This scene is part of scene 14. Good
13. EXT. STREET – CONT…
A fire hydrant bursts gushing blood.
The water bottles distributed turn to blood. Dull elevate.
14. INT ANTIQUE DEALERS – LATER
Connor finds out the box could be worth a fortune if he can get the other three figurines. Tub and Gazza overhear and want it. Good
15. INT CONNORS ROOM – LATER
Connor tries to find the missing figurine (that’s under the bed) Tub & Gazza plan to steal the box when they all go to bed. But they bungle the burglary and run away empty-handed. Good
16. INT. PETERS BATHROOM – MORNING
The water is clear again. Good
ACT THREE
1. INT. BAXTERS HOUSE – CONT…
The frog plague starts in Baxter’s room because he has the frog god figurine. The kid’s show initiative in getting rid of the frogs but they multiple outside Baxters house. Danny says it’s because opening the box has resulted in bringing back the ten plagues of Egypt. All Connor wants are the figurines. Danny gives him his but Baxter’s dog runs off with his. Make clearer why the frog plague started in Baxter’s Room. Make clearer Danny and ten plagues of Egypt.
2. EXT. PARK – CONT…
Jak has no friends, she manipulates herself into the boy’s group with the frog figurine and dog. Tub & Gazza are following. Everyone but Connor is convinced that putting the box back in the mine will stop the plagues. Connor lies to his friends about doing it. Instead, he is going to sell it. ?
3. INT. ANTIQUE DEALERS – LATER
Gazza, posing as the dealer, tricks the box from Connor. Good
ACT FOUR
1. EXT. STREET – CONT…
Connor gives chase to get the box back. The frog plague in the town gets worse and traffic is backed up. Connor gets in the back of Tub & Gazza’s van without them noticing. Elevate
2. EXT. FREDRICKS HOUSE – LATER
Gazza makes calls to fence the box. Through the window, Connor sees that Gazza is the more sinister of the two criminals. Questions of Gazza’s intent of the box. Will he scam his boss?
3. INT. FREDRICKS HOUSE – CONT…
Connor goes inside but his phone rings, the ring tone alerts the crooks. Good
4. INT. BAXTERS HOUSE – CONT…
Baxter, Danny & Jak ring Connor. It rings out. Good
5. INT. FREDRICKS HOUSE – CONT…
Hiding from the crooks, Connor opens a trap door and falls into the cellar unconscious. Tub & Gazza don’t have a clue. Good
BEAT SHEET REVISED (highlighted are changes)
ACT ONE
1. EXT. EGYPT 1893 – DUSK
An archaeologist and his servant find an ancient box. They are going to America to sell it for a great price.
2. EXT. TOWN STREET Present Day – DAY
Tub & Gazza are two bumbling but menacing criminals, new in the town of Creede.
3. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
We meet Connor, 14, his friend Danny. Connor is a rebel who doesn’t like Jak, the goth girl.
4. EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS – DAY
Connor has an 8yro brother Eli. Connor doesn’t want his brother hanging around him. Baxter, another of Connor’s friends is a smart nerd who gets bullied by Kade.
5. INT. GIFT SHOP – DAY
Connor steals an item for his mum’s birthday, he is seen by the local pastor and crop duster, Steve. Steve questions his own faith. Danny, Connor’s friend is a Christian.
6. INT. SHOP: CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT – LATER…
A woman takes out the meager days takings from the till.
7. INT. PETERS HOUSE – CONT…
The woman is Elizabeth, Connor’s mum. She reprimands Connor for not bringing Eli home as he has asthma. Connor has an attitude when he sees Eli has made a potholder for his mum’s birthday. Connor accidentally drops it and it breaks. Eli is upset.
8. EXT. FOREST– CONT…
Connor races on his bike to meet his friends. This is part of the next scene.
9. EXT. and then INT. MINE – CONT…
Connor meets up with Baxter and Danny at the abandoned mine. They go inside while exploring a rock slide has Connor stumbling into a vertical shaft. He finds an ancient box buried down a tunnel and the boys make their way out. The box opens to reveal ten figurines. Connor gives a frog figurine to Baxter and the Nile god figurine to Danny. As they leave the water they spilled previously has turned to blood.
ACT TWO
1. INT. TRAIN 1893 – DAY
The servant warns his master, the archaeologist, that the box will only bring death. The archaeologist rebukes him.
2. INT. STEVE”S LOUNGE Present – NIGHT
Steve watches TV & drinks alone. Jak walks in and they have an argument about her dress code.
3. INT. CONNORS ROOM – NIGHT
Planes adorn the room Eli plays with one of the figurines from the box while outside the room Connor and his mum argue about chores. Eli drops the figurine under Connor’s bed.
4. INT. BAXTERS ROOM – CONT…
Baxter calls Connor to tell him he has found information on the box. It represented the ten plagues of Egypt and there was a warning on the box. He relates that the Nile God was the god of water.
5. PETERS KITCHEN – CONT…
Elizabeth turns on the faucet blood fills the glass.
6. CONNORS BEDROOM – CONT…
Elizabeth interrupts Baxter to tell Connor not to drink the water. Connor wants to know if Elizabeth had a lot of money would she move to the city.
7. INT. 1893 BEDROOM CREEDE – DAY
The servant secretly takes the box from his master’s room and hides it. The archaeologist shoots his servant. Need to make clear that the archaeologist will find the box without his help.
8. INT. PETERS BATHROOM – CONT…
The shower pours blood. Elizabeth is shocked.
9. PETERS KITCHEN – LATER
Elizabeth on the phone: The water board finds that the contamination in the water is blood but hides it from the public.
10. PETERS LOUNGE – CONT…
Connor and Eli watch the TV report on the town trying to cope with the strange red water. Show rivers of blood and the town trying to cope with the situation.
11. EXT. RIVER – LATER
Elizabeth takes the boys to get some bottled water from the town hall that has been shipped in but as they are handed out the water in the bottles turns red.
12. INT. ANTIQUE DEALERS – LATER
Tub & Gazza try to sell stolen goods. This scene is part of scene 14.
13. EXT. STREET – CONT…
A fire hydrant bursts gushing blood. Lawns sprinklers spout red blood. Vending water machines are now red. No coffee signs due to bad water.
14. INT ANTIQUE DEALERS – LATER
Connor finds out the box could be worth a fortune if he can get the other three figurines. Tub and Gazza overhear and want it.
15. INT CONNORS ROOM – LATER
Connor tries to find the missing figurine (that’s under the bed) Tub & Gazza plan to steal the box when they all go to bed. But they bungle the burglary and run away empty-handed.
16. INT. PETERS BATHROOM – MORNING
The water is clear again. Good
ACT THREE
1. INT. BAXTERS HOUSE – CONT…
The frog plague starts in Baxter’s room because he has the frog god figurine. The water turned to blood because of Danny’s figurine. The kid’s show initiative in getting rid of the frogs but they multiple outside Baxters house. Danny says it’s because opening the box has resulted in bringing back the ten plagues of Egypt. All Connor wants are the figurines. Danny gives him his but Baxter’s dog runs off with his.
2. EXT. PARK – CONT…
Jak has no friends, she manipulates herself into the boy’s group with the frog figurine and dog. Tub & Gazza are following. Everyone but Connor is convinced that putting the box back in the mine will stop the plagues. Connor lies to his friends about doing it. Instead, he is going to sell it.
3. INT. ANTIQUE DEALERS – LATER
Gazza, posing as the dealer, tricks the box from Connor.
ACT FOUR
1. EXT. STREET – CONT…
Connor gives chase to get the box back. The frog plague in the town gets worse and traffic is backed up. Connor gets in the back of Tub & Gazza’s van without them noticing. Cars are smashing.
2. EXT. FREDRICKS HOUSE – LATER
Gazza makes calls to fence the box. He wants to scam his boss. Through the window, Connor sees that Gazza is the sinister of the two criminals.
3. INT. FREDRICKS HOUSE – CONT…
Connor goes inside but his phone rings, the ring tone alerts the crooks.
4. INT. BAXTERS HOUSE – CONT…
Baxter, Danny & Jak ring Connor. It rings out.
5. INT. FREDRICKS HOUSE – CONT…
Hiding from the crooks, Connor opens a trap door and falls into the cellar unconscious. Tub & Gazza don’t have a clue.
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Hello Christine, Would you like feedback as per the requirement for the class?
ps I would appreciate you taking a look at mine also if you have time. It was a struggle for me, though useful. Thanks
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Thanks Anna, that would be great. I’ll do yours as well.
Christina
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“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” What happens with my character in these story beats.
Alfred Travis Story Beats
Logline: A man explores his memory loss and faith.
Story Beats:
1. EXT. ELLIOT TWIN HIGH-RISE TOWERS – COURT-YARD – DAY
BO re-meets PASTOR KENNY, but retains no memory of him.
2. INT. ELLIOT TWIN COMMUNITY ROOM – DAY
Bo meets his neighbor, KATE, a Julliard trained pianist.
3. INT. BO’S APARTMENT 708 – NIGHT
Bo takes his mental illness medicine, sleeps.
4. EXT. ELLIOT PARK – DAY
Bo in park????
5. EXT. ELLIOT TWIN HIGH-RISE – COURTYARD – NIGHT
Bo star gazing.
6. EXT. ELLIOT PARK – DAY
Bo restless….
7. INT. ELLIOT TWIN – BACK HALLWAY – DAY
Bo receives a letter of which he has no memory of its contents.
8. EXT. BUTLER NORTH BUILDING – DAY
Outside Art Space.
9. INT. BUTLER NORTH BUILDING – HALLWAY – DAY
Maintenance MIKE unlocks Art Space.
10. INT. ART SPACE 708 – DAY
Bo recognizes Mike, but not the Art Space. Though he experiences a flashback.
11. INT. BLACK ROOM – DAY
Mike gives Bo his forgotten Music Compositions.
12. INT. HENNEPIN COUNTY MEDICAL CENTER – PSYCHIATRIST OFFICE – DAY
Bo talks to his psychiatrist, DR. ORBUCH, about memory loss. Dr. Orbuch sets Bo up with a Memory Care Specialist.
13. INT. ELLIOT TWIN COMMUNITY ROOM – DAY
Bo tells Kate he will do a lyric analysis of his music compositions to help recover his memory.
14. INT. SCHMITT MUSIC STORE – DAY
Bo buys a music journal.
15. INT. BARNES AND NOBLE BOOKSELLER – DAY
Bo purchases an Oxford English Dictionary (OED) and a Thesaurus.
16. EXT. ASCENSION CATHOLIC CHURCH – DAY
Est. shot on cross on top of the church.
17. INT. ASCENSION CATHOLIC CHURCH – NARTHEX – DAY
Bo hesitates to enter Mass.
18. INT. ASCENSION CATHOLIC CHURCH – NAVE – DAY
Bo attends Mass.
19. EXT. UNIVERSITY OF ST. THOMAS – DAY
Est. shot.
20. INT. UST – LOBBY – DAY
Bo looks at Fresco art.
21. OFFICE 214 – DAY
Bo signs up for an Art History class.
22. INT. UST – LOBBY – SECURITY COMMAND DESK – DAY
Bo gets his student ID.
23. INT. UST – CAFETERIA – DAY
Bo finds a flyer: Composers perform works Spring Semester at UST Chapel of St. Thomas Aquinas.
24. INT. UST – BOOKSTORE – DAY
Bo buys a Catechism.
25. INT. UST – CAFETERIA – NIGHT
Bo analyzes music compositions, “The Making Of…”
26. EXT. DAYTON’S DEPARTMENT STORE – NIGHT
Holiday window display: “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!”
27. INT. BO’S 708 APARTMENT – NIGHT
Music scene: “Silent Night.”
28. INT. ET CR – DAY
Kate plays piano as Bo listens.
29. INT. ASCENSION CATHOLIC CHURCH – NAVE – DAY
WOMAN enters Confessional.
30. INT. ASCENSION CATHOLIC CHURCH – NARTHEX – DAY
Bo talks with Pastor Kenny.
31. INT. ET CR – DAY
Bo discusses Pastor Kenny with Kate.
32. EXT. ELLIOT PARK – NIGHT
Bo star gazes.
33. INT. ET CR – DAY
Bo analyzes music composition, “Let Me Be The One.”
34. INT. BO’S 708 APARTMENT – NIGHT
Bo analyzes music composition, “S-T-O(Stop).”
35. INT. ET CR – DAY
Bo can’t play his music composition, “S-T-O(Stop).”
End Act I
Begin Act II
36. INT. UST – CLASSROOM – DAY
Art History class.
37. INT. HCMC EXAMINATION ROOM – DAY
Bo undergoes memory tests.
38. INT. MEMORY CARE SPECIALIST OFFICE – DAY
DR. HANNAH confirms results of tests: no abnormalities.
39. INT. ASCENSION CATHOLIC CHURCH – DAY
Flashback to Art Space.
40. INT. ASCENSION CATHOLIC CHURCH – DAY
WOMAN crosses herself.
41. INT. DUNN BROTHERS COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Bo discusses Art Space clue.
42. INT. JACK’S OFFICE – DAY
Security Manager, JACK MORTENSON, informs Bo of a 1984 robbery of his music compositions.
43. INT. BUTLER SQUARE – DAY
Business Office Directory search.
44. INT. ET CR – DAY
Bo encounters a disturbed Kate.
45. INT. BO’S 708 APARTMENT – NIGHT
Bo struggles with prayer.
46. INT. UST – COMPUTER LAB – DAY
Bo runs a search on Karen.
47. INT. POWDERHORN PARK APARTMENT – HALLWAY – DAY
Wrong Karen Knepper.
48. INT. THE MARQUETTE APARTMENTS – HALLWAY – DAY
Wrong Karen.
49. INT. DEAN PARKWAY APARTMENT – HALLWAY – DAY
Real Karen, but she refuses to see Bo.
50. INT. ET CR – DAY
PK provides Bo with books to aid memory.
51. INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Kate calls Bo “Satan!”
52. INT. UST CAFETERIA – NIGHT
Bo makes a friend, JANEY.
53. INT. BO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Bo analyzes music composition, “The Making Of…”
54. INT. ET CR – NIGHT
Bo dances with Kate.
55. INT. MEMORY CARE SPECIALIST OFFICE – DAY
Dr. H. and Bo discuss trauma.
56. INT. ASCENSION CATHOLIC CHURCH – NAVE – DAY
Bo struggles with prayer.
57. INT. PASTOR KENNY’S OFFICE – DAY
Bo and PK talk about Bo at Jr. Hi School.
58. EXT. FOLWELL CATHOLIC JR. HI. SCHOOL – DAY
Est. shot.
59. INT. FOLWELL CATHOLIC JR. HI SCHOOL – PRINCIPALS’S OFFICE – DAY
Bo re-meets GEORGE MARTIN.
60. INT. UST – LOBBY – DAY
Bo shares a Bible verse with Janey.
61. INT. BO’S 708 APARTMENT – NIGHT
Bo analyzes lyrics of music composition, “The Making Of…”
62. INT. ET CR – DAY
Kate’s birthday celebration!
63. INT. BO’S 708 APARTMENT – DAY
Bo analyzes music composition, “The Black and Blue Room.”
64. INT. HCMC – PSYCHIATRISTS OFFICE – DAY
Bo informs Dr. Orbuch he’s off meds.
End Act II
(Begin Act III)
65. EXT. ELLIOT PARK – DAY
A dove comes to Bo.
66. INT. ASCENSION CATHOLIC CHURCH – NAVE – DAY
Bo prays!
67. INT. ET CR – NIGHT
Bo BANGS on the piano keys!
68. INT. ASCENSION CATHOLIC CHURCH – NAVE – DAY
Bo completes his prayer.
69. EXT. ET HR – COURTYARD – NIGHT
Bo stands alone.
70. INT. UST – LOBBY – DAY
Bo learns he write a good Art History essay.
71. INT. ET CR – DAY
Bo analyzes music compositions.
72. EXT. ELLIOT PARK – NIGHT
Bo and Kate together.
73. INT. MEMORY CARE SPECIALIST OFFICE – DAY
Dr. H. continues Bo’s memory therapy.
74. INT. DUNNS BROTHERS COFFEESHOP – DAY
Kate discusses her life with Bo.
75. INT. ET CR – NIGHT
Bo hears the voice of Jesus speak: “Believe in Me.”
76. INT. UST – ATRIUM – NIGHT
Bo fantasizes a date with Kate.
77. INT. MEMORY CARE SPECIALISTS OFFICE – DAY
Dr. H. discusses Karen with Bo.
78. INT. UST – HALLWAY – NIGHT
Fresco lecture.
79. INT. UST – HALLWAY – NIGHT
Bo finds MUSICIANS note.
80. INT. UST CHAPEL – NARTHEX – DAY
Musician ERIC agrees to perform Bo’s music composition, “The Making Of…”
81. INT. PASTOR KENNY’S OFFICE – DAY
Bo tells PK he heard Jesus’ voice.
*82. INT. UST – COMPUTER LAB – DAY
Bo gets a picture of Karen at SCSU Alumni page.
83. INT. ET CR – NIGHT
Bo analyzes music compositions.
84. EXT. IDS CENTER – DAY
Bo finds Karen’s office building.
85. INT. THE WELLS GROUP PR OFFICE – DAY
Bo finds Karen!
86. INT. KAREN’S OFFICE – DAY
Karen in her office.
87. INT. ART SPACE – DAY
Karen’s robbery.
88. INT. KAREN’S OFFICE – DAY
Heated conversation between Bo and Karen.
89. EXT. ELLIOT PARK – DAY
Bo suffers a heart attack.
90. INT. HCMC – EMERGENCY ROOM – DAY
Bo examined for a heart attack.
91. INT. HCMC – INTENSIVE CARE PSYCHIATRY WARD – DAY
Bo is observed for suicide.
92. INT. LOUNGE – DAY
Bo receives meds.
93. INT. ASCENSION CATHOLIC CHURCH – DAY
Sacrament of Reconciliation.
94. INT. UST CHAPEL OF ST. THOMAS AQUINAS – NIGHT
Eric doesn’t show. Bo plays on piano his music composition, “The Making Of…”
95. INT. NAVE – NIGHT
Bo talks with Karen.
96. EXT. ELLIOT PARK – NIGHT
A Star falls to earth before Bo.
(End Act III)
The End.
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Assignment 3
Aleta Rafton’s Elevating the Beats of the Story
What I learned in the assignment is to identify the weak points and make the story more interesting
Logline: Hank, a 35 year old, timid computer specialist nerd, after becoming a stepdad to a young boy who hates him, changes to the confident heroic man he always wanted to be in the process of winning over the boy.
Revised Beat Sheet
ACT 1
1.LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – LATE AFTERNOON
Hank is applying a tracking dot to each ornament then carefully wrapping them before putting them in separate small storage containers which are then put in a larger ornament storage box. Jack is annoyed and mumbling under his breath which makes Grandpa smile in agreement. Jack’s friend comes over and they go upstairs
2. JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Jack and friend play with drone Hank gave Jack for Christmas. Jack criticizes Hank but friend thinks he might be OK since he gave Jack the drone and computer work he does is cool.
3. HANKS OFFICE SEEN FROM DRONE – LATE AFTERNOON
Jack is flying the drone in Hank’s office trying to prove to his friend what a nerd Hank is. He knocks over some papers. Jack crashes drone in the office.
4. JACK’S BEDROOM
By crashing the drone Jack tries to prove to his friend that Hank is a loser because the drone doesn’t work that well.
4. HALLWAY OUTSIDE JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Hank overhears Jack making fun of him and trash talking the drone he made for him for Christmas.5. HANK’S OFFICE – LATE AFTERNOON
Hank goes upstairs to his office to get more tracking dots and cleans up the papers off the floor the drone knocked over. Sees the crashed drone, starts fixing it.
HANK’S OFFICE
Hank is fixing the drone trying to hand loosen a screw. Jack enters. Hank grabs machine oil to loosen the area explaining to Jack how useful it is. Jack tells Hank his dad could loosen that with his bare hands. Jack leaves with Shadow.
JACK’S BEDROOM
Hank returns the fixed drone and leaves. Jack is trying to open an old piggybank but can’t just by pulling. He goes to get the machine oil Hank used, applies it and opens the bank. His friend comments that Hank knows a lot.
6. JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Jack and his friend are chasing Shadow with the drone. Julie calls upstairs that Jack’s friend’s mom needs him home. Jack plays alone with Shadow and then picks up photo of his dad while lying on the bed and reminisces about how life used to be. Jack hears Hank in his office.
7. LIVING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Hank is nearly done taking off ornaments from tree. Julie nearby in kitchen calls to Jack to come downstairs to help Hank with the ornaments. Jack comes downstairs just as Hank is about to apply a tracking dot to the firetruck ornament that is his favorite. Jack yells at Hank to not touch that ornament and grabs it out of Hank’s hands, puts the tracking dot on it himself and then rehangs it on the tree. Jack sees tracking device and secretly removes batteries so it won’t work.
Jack storms back up to his bedroom.
8. KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON
Julie calls Hank into kitchen to explain that Jack and his dad were in the midst of repairing the firetruck ornament when his dad died. Hank admits he’s failing to connect with Jack.
9. LIVING ROOM TV – LATE AFTERNOON
Grandpa dozing in his chair and ottoman. Breaking News comes on TV with story about escaped lion loose in NYC. They all come to watch and Julie gets call from her news station that she needs to come in to cover the lion story
Hank and Julie are now dressed as Indiana Jones and his female sidekick for a New Year’s Eve costume party they are going to later.
Distracted by TV news story about a lion loose in NYC, Julie knocks the special fire truck storage box under the table while grabbing her bag to go to the news station to work on the escaped lion story. Julie calls to Jack to come help to make sure Shadow and Grandpa are taken care of.
After the news story segment ends on TV, Hank returns to taking ornaments off the tree. Jack tells him there are no more storage boxes for ornaments and assumes all the ornaments are off the tree. Hank carries the tree out to the curb for the garbage pickup.
Jack, down from his bedroom, is playing fetch with Shadow. The ball goes under the table but Shadow comes back with the empty firetruck storage box instead of the ball.
10. STREET IN FRONT OF HOUSE – SUN IS SETTING
Jack is running down the street yelling at garbage truck driver to stop as he sees the ornament hanging from the tree on the back of the truck.
11. INSIDE GARBAGE TRUCK CAB – SUN IS SETTING
Garbage truck driver has on headphones and is rocking out to music. Keeps on driving oblivious to Jack’s screams.
12. STREET IN FRONT OF HOUSE – SUN IS SETTING
Hank runs to street, sees why Jack is chasing the garbage truck and run past Jack but fails to catch the garbage truck. Jack disappointed in Hank again.
ACT 2
1. STREET IN FRONT OF HOUSE – DUSK
Jack and Hank stopped running and are watching as garbage truck keeps moving farther away. Grandpa pulls up driving motorcycle sidecar with Shadow in it. Hank and Jack climb in and they take to follow the garbage truck up ahead. Wild ride as they finally catch up to garbage truck.
1. CLOSEUP – HANK HANGING OUT OF SIDECAR
Grandpa driving sidecar catches up with garbage truck. Hank reaches out a little but not far enough to grab ornament. Truck drives off with ornament dangling from back. Jack yells at Hank.
2. STREET – NIGHT
Jack, Hank, Grandpa and Shadow standing by parked motorcycle sidecar. Hank puts hand in pocket pulls out handheld tracking device excited thinking they have a chance to find the firetruck. But it doesn’t work. Then Jack pulls out the batteries he removed and gives them to Hank. They jump back in the sidecar this time with Hank insisting on driving. Hank is disappointed In Jack.
3. IN MOTORCYCLE SIDECAR – NIGHT
They ride wildly through the streets of NYC and eventually are led to the outskirts of town to the city dump.
4. CITY DUMP -NIGHT
They are walking through the dump searching for the tree with the firetruck ornament and run into the lion on the loose with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank after many failed attempts which loosen the firetruck from his mane, uses his costume whip to back the lion into a container whose door Grandpa and Jack slam shut. Hank picks up the ornament but as Jack runs to hug him in gratitude, it gets knocked loose. An owl swoops down, picks up the firetruck and flies off. Hank uses the tracker to follow the owl.
5. MOTORCYCLE SIDECAR – NIGHT
They have another wild ride back to the city until they are stopped in New Year’s traffic. The tracker loses its signal. Grandpa, Jack, Shadow decide to return home but Hank wants to walk home alone.
6. TV NEWSROOM INTERIOR – NIGHT
Julie working at newsroom showing clip of loose lion now trapped in container by anonymous caller to police
ACT 3
1. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
Hank is walking alone when the tracker starts working again. Excited Hank follows the directions on the tracker to the top of One Times Square
2. TOP OF ONE TIMES SQUARE – NIGHT
Hank jumps onto scaffolding to get closer to the New Year’s Eve ball where he sees the owl with the ornament dangling from his beak.
3. STEET BELOW NEW YEAR’S EVE BALL DROP – NIGHT
Julie with news crew is filming man up on scaffold. Snow is blurring camera lens so man can’t be identified. Julie doesn’t know it’s her husband
4. LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – NIGHT
Jack and Grandpa are watching TV when Breaking News comes on showing man on scaffold on top of One Times Square Building. They know it’s Hank. They run to join Julie and watch in horror at Hank above the crowd.
5. SCAFFOLD AT ROOF OF ONE TIMES SQUARE – NIGHT
Hank ties one end of the whip to the scaffold and swings out to grab the firetruck from the owl’s beak. He knocks it loose but it drops from his hand. Regardless of what happens, watching from below Jack is in awe of Hank.
6. STREET BELOW NEW YEAR’S EVE BALL DROP – NIGHT
News crew films man swinging out near ball. Unbeknownst to Julie the firetruck falls in her bag. Jack is about to tell Julie that it was hank swinging about the crowd when hank Appears. Jack runs to hug him and Hank whispers not to say anything to his mom. Hank winks at Grandpa to get him to keep the secret too.
7. LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – NIGHT
Everyone is home. In the background the TV is showing the man swinging near the New Year’s Eve Ball. Hank is Jack’s hero even without the ornament because he risked his life to retrieve the ornament. Julie finds the firetruck in her bag. Jack, Hank and Grandpa exchange glances but say how funny it is. Jack puts the firetruck in its ornament box.
8. HANK’S STUDY INTERIOR – DAYLIGHT
Hank and Jack are repairing the firetruck ornament
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Anna Harper
What I got out of this learning opportunity: This was a challenging assignment for me. Mechanical as much as anything, learning a new software, loads of cutting and pasting, making a mess of things. I was pretty much ready to throw the computer out of the window, with format issues driving me bonkers. As for the beats and the separating out process, I was really shocked at how much change can be found from one cliche, and how much new writing it can generate. Looking at the beats helped me to think through which scenes were banal. The opening scene was very boring. Piling on the stressors as per Hals 30 Day Screenplay which I did in January really helped. I still have work to do.
Thanks to Hal and team for this course.
OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL
ACT 1
1.EXT.SENIORS’ DAY-CENTRE
(Rewrite. New Opening Scene. Previously opening scene, now scene 2).
Seniors’ centre in process of closing down. Emotional good bye’s. Elderly aboriginal man gives Sarah a talisman.
2..EXT. UNIVERSITY RESIDENTIAL STREET-DAY SUMMER- ESTABLISHING
Street and buildings to set the tone of the protagonist’s life
3.EXT. SARAH’S HOUSE-DAY-ESTABLISHING
4.INT. SARAH’S LIVING ROOM/OFFICE-DAY
Sarah is on the phone complaining about the lay off.
Rewrite. Sarah finds a birthday card/letter from her on and off boyfriend, dumping her.
5.INT.LIVING ROOM-DAY
Chaotic fast response to a possible job opportunity.
6.EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT-OUTSIDE OF A CONVENTION CENTRE-DAY
Continuing need for speed to apply for a job before job fair closes.
7.INT.CONFERENCE CENTRE-DAY
Sarah finds an opportunity to work in the far northern bush.
8.INT.POSH WINE BAR-NIGHT
SARAH’S peer group mull over their middle class problems while Sarah struggles with her job dilemma.
9.INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM-NIGHT
Rewrite: Sarah is sitting on a chair, looking out of the window, sipping tea and crying when the phone rings.SARAH’S parents wake her with a call from the UK to wish her happy birthday and turn down her request for financial help.
10.INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM-DAY/MORNING
Sarah gets an early morning call from the H.R. lady offering her a job.
11.EXT.PORTIA’S POSH HOUSE-EVENING- ESTABLISHING
Setting up the status of PORTIA’S life versus SARAH’S.
12.INT.PORTIA’S HOUSE-EVENING
The same group of friends weigh the pros and cons of a reluctant Sarah going to the Yukon.
13.EXT. PORTIA’S PATIO-NIGHT
Sarah’s old boyfriend drops by to wish her well. He gifts her with necessary survival equipment and gives her a dire warning.
14.INT. PORTIA’S HOUSE-EVENING
Sarah overhears a spiteful remark regarding her son Eli’s secpmd hand clothing. Sarah decides to take the job.
15.EXT. AERIAL VIEW OF SARAH’S CAR ON A LONG ROAD THROUGH THE NORTHERN BUSH-DAY
Establishing the major journey undertaken and the change of environment from City to isolated northern bush.
16.INT.SARAH’S CAR-DAY
Sarah and ELI are singing to cope with the boredom and fatigue of the long drive.
17.EXT.ROAD AROUND SARAH’S CAR-DAY
Sarah almost runs into a herd of Buffalo. Cody a local, guides Sarah to safety.
18.EXT.HOSPITAL HOSPITAL ROAD- SARAH’S CAR AND CODY’S BIKE-DAY
Orienting to the new environment, a small bush hospital.CODY and Sarah establish personal boundaries with a subtext of chemistry. ELI reacts to his new environment.
18.EXT.HOSPITAL ESTABLISHING-DAY.
SHOT stand alone showing building exterior.
Sarah and ELI approach and enter building.
19.INT.HOSPITAL RECEPTION-DAY Establishing
RECEPTIONIST greets and guides Sarah to hospital cafeteria.
20.INT.HOSPITAL CAFETERIA-DAY
Sarah and BONNIE meet for the first time and share personal and work information of a sensitive nature.
21.INT. SARAH’S OFFICE-DAY
Sarah talks to her first few patients and starts work a day early, straight from her journey.
22.INT. BONNIE’S RECEPTION AREA-DAY
BONNIE persuades Sarah to stay a little longer and meet the doctors as a good move.
23.INT.DOCTOR’S LOUNGE-DAY
Sarah is introduced to the three staff doctors. She has her first run in with Dr. Suleman, he threatens her.
24.INT.CONNIE’S RECEPTION AREA-NIGHT
Sarah confides in BONNIE. She tells her about Dr. Suleman’s threats. BONNIE fills her in on Dr. Suleman’s drug ring.
25.INT- GEOFFREY HOOKER’S OFFICE-EVENING/DAYLIGHT
Sarah asks GEOFFREY HOOKER, the hospital administrator for help in reporting Dr. Suleman. He warns Sarah off, and points out her fiscal vulnerability.
26.INT. Dr. Suleman’S OFFICE-EVENING/DAYLIGHT
GEOFFREY is instructed by Dr.Suleman to get Sarah in line. GEOFFREY indicated that he has been able to lean on others to co operate.
27.INT. SARAH’S BEDROOM-DAY/MORNING
Sarah is still sleeping when BONNIE calls her in. A teenager has tried to kill himself. He is one of Dr. Suleman’s patients.
28.INT.OFFICE SUITE, BONNIE’S RECEPTION AREA-DAY
BONNIE fills Sarah in on the details of the emergency.
29.INT.HOSPITAL HALLWAY-DAY
Sarah talks to the parents of the critically injured boy. Father is ready to assault Dr. Suleman who has left the area.
30.INT. BONNIE’S RECEPTION AREA
BONNIE updates Sarah on the plane evacuation and the whereabouts of DR Suleman. Sarah accepts Bonnie’s invite to a sweat lodge ceremony.
31.ESTABLISHING.CLEARING IN A BUSH AREA WITH A LAKE BEHIND THE SWEAT LODGE AND A LARGE FIRE BURNING
SOUNDS are crackling fire burning and drumming.
32.EXT. SWEAT LODGE-EVENING/STILL LIGHT
ROSE and her husband explain some of the sweat lodge culture.
33.INT.SWEAT LODGE
A traditional sweat is led by Rose. Participants are prisoners on day parole, Cody, Sarah, Rose’s husband and the rock man.
34.EXT.SWEAT LODGE.EVENING/BEFORE DARK.
Participants exit the sweat lodge exhausted and covered in sweat. Some go to the lake, some go over to a table for tea.
35.TRANSITION SHOT PAN TO LAKE
Cody and Sarah join others in the lake. Cody and Sarah enjoy a few playful and romantic minutes. ROSE observes surreptitiously.
36.INT. BONNIE’S FAMILY HOME-NIGHT
A group of concerned people from the Old Buffalo community come together to plan on a take down of DR Suleman’S drug dealing. There is a mole in the group unknown to the others.
37.EXT.CONNIE’S FARMHOUSE EVENING,VERY DARK STARS
Paul and Sarah have a conversation that becomes suggestive of romance. Paul invites Sarah on a casual date Sarah discloses her ambivalence about living in the north.
38.INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM-NIGHT
A late night call from Bonnie indicates that the group is planning a raid tomorrow. Sarah agrees to participate
39.INT. Dr. Suleman’S luxury vehicle-day
As Dr. Suleman drives out of the village on the bush road, a call comes through from the mole Jeremiah. He alerts Suleman to the raid.
40.Car chase includes killing a family coyote. Driving backwards to avoid being scene, into a gully. Suleman has a gun in his car.
41..PLACEHOLDER SHOOT OUT
The car chase starts with Suleman going to the hospital where he finds Sarah going through his office. A fight ensues, Bonnie sustains a gun shot wound. Sarah smashes his arm with a fire extinguisher. Suleman gets another gun out of the desk drawer, and shoots towards Sarah and Bonnie. Paul crashes into the room wearing theatre scrubs and aids Bonnie.
42.INT.HOSPITAL HALLWAY-CONTINUOUS
Patients and staff scream after hearing gun shots and scatter, as Suleman runs out the door. RECEPTIONIST is calling the cops.
43.EXT.HOSPITAL ENTRANCE/DAY
Suleman screams off in his car towards his house. He turns to shoot at Sarah. She runs out of the hospital. A stake out is waiting for him. Key points. Winston Smallwolf and Abe Smith (father of the suicidal boy) are hidden from view on the roof of the house with rifles at the ready. RCMP are there lights on guns drawn. Locals are positioned in a pincer position around the property. They are armed. RCMP shout and ask them to go home. They stay. Suleman screams up in a cloud of dust shouting abuse at the RCMP Suleman fires his gun at RCMP Manrivers from behind his car door. Manyrivers is down. Shots ring out from the roof top. ABE and WINSTON kill Suleman. CHAOTIC SCENE F.O. Sound of Helicopter.
44.INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY-DAY
Sarah encounters Jerimiah. They have an argument over recreational drug use. Jeremiah offers to fly Sarah to Hornby. Sarah rejects the offer.
45.EXT.HOSPITAL-BOTTOM OF STEPS-DAY
Cody pulls up on his motorbike. He give Sarah a passionate goodbye kiss which leaves Sarah looking confused.
46.INT.WOODEN SPOON CAFE-EVENING
Sarah, Paul, and Eli, have a cozy supper and debate the stresses of the north. Sarah is thinking about going back to the UK. Paul wants her to stay and be with him.
47.INT.PAUL’S CABIN-NIGHT
Paul is hesitant about becoming intimate. He is emotional about Sarah leaving. Sarah resolves the issue by taking the lead.
48.EXT.JEREMIAH’S PLANE-DAY
Jeremiah is high. He is planning to fly his plane down to Hornby to meet Sarah and try to win her over (stalking).
49.EXT.DAY-OUTSIDE OF CODY’S CABIN
Cody is loading his motorbike with gear. He is heading down to Hornby to see Sarah and try to win her over.
50.INT.HOSPITAL, PAUL’S CONSULTING ROOM-DAY/CONTINUOUS
Paul is anxious and distressed. He decides to follow SARAH.
51.INT.JEREMIAH’S PLANE-DAY
Jeremiah is distracted,and high. He is not looking at where the plane is headed. He is in a mountainous area. The plane is headed for a mountain face.
52.EXT.PLANE CRASH SHOT AERIAL VIEW-DAY
Stock shot of plane crash into mountain face.
53.EXT.HIGHWAY-DAY
Paul hitches a ride on the school bus to the bush airport to hop a ride on the Medivac.
54.EXT.LONG BUSH ROAD FROM HOSPITAL-EVENING
Cody is blocked by a herd of buffalo. He camps for the night and bargains with the buffalo.
55.INT.AIRPORT-EVENING
Paul is running through security. The boarding ramps are being moved. Paul running shouts and begs them to stop. “I’m a doctor!”
56.EXT.WHITE SANDY BEACH WITH MOUNTAINS IN BACKGROUND/DAY
Sarah is in the water, playing with strands of seaweed, looking at shells. Paul RUNS down to the water, enters water, shoes off, clothes on. Paul runs/swims out to her
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Hi Anna,
This exercise in beats is really hard but so beneficial. I am still trying to get my head around it.
I struggled with understanding what does your protagonist want other than another job?
The beats are about the core meaning behind what’s happening, but we need to know what’s happening. So, it’s very difficult. I didn’t get any of that. I was confused about why some of the scenes were there. We know our story in our heads and that is the problem. Why did Sarah want a job so far away? There seems to be a lot of scenes with friends discussing it. I feel you need to be more succinct in what is really happening in the scene to warrant it staying. If the scene doesn’t propel the story further then it should be cut. I am guilty of this too.
Also, show us where Act One Two and Three is that helps with major turning points.
I have had feedback from other people/comps that the structure of my script could improve and I could never work out the problems until doing this exercise so I know it’s a good one.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.
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Hi Anna,
Did you get my review? If so, I hope it helped. I haven’t received yours yet. Is there problem?
Christina
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Logline: When the Statue of Liberty comes to life as a normal woman to stop her exploitation by an anti-immigration campaign, a refugee sculptor struggles to help her prevail as she confronts deportation, a mental ward, Homeland Security, as well as being human. Most challenging, they fall in love.
In this assignment, I learned how to make a beat sheet. I’m wrestling with which beats require improvement.
1. EXT. NEW YORK HARBOR – DAY
As he and his Father arrive in America as immigrants, Idris, 6, is stunned by the grandeur of the Statue of Liberty
2. INT. IDRIS’S STUDIO – DAY
Idris, now 26 and a sculptor, is troubled that he’s creating a Statue of Liberty replica for an anti-immigration campaign.
3. EXT. LIBERTY ISLAND – DAY
Idris sees the Senator responsible for the anti-immigration campaign and Dorkman, the ad exec executing the campaign. The Statue of Liberty looks angry.
4. EXT. LIBERTY ISAND – NIGHT
Amid a raging thunderstorm, the Statue of Liberty comes to life and disappears from her pedestals.
5. EXT. BATTERY PARK – NIGHT
A Homeless Man watches in disbelief as Liberty, a normal-sized woman dressed just like the Statue of Liberty, with her torch and crown, wades out of the harbor and strides into Manhattan.
6. EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Liberty encounters two hookers and speaks for the first time.
7. EXT. SHOREL:INE – DAY
Reporters from around the world report on the mysterious disappearance of the Statue of Liberty. Large, grim men comb Liberty Island.
8. INT. MADISON SQUARE GARDEN – DAY
The Mayor of NYC meets the Director from Homeland Security who’s responsible for returning the Statue of Liberty.
9. EXT. BUILDING ROOFTOP – DAY
Large, grim men haul Idris away for questioning.
10. INT. CITY HALL – DAY
Cornfield and Flak meet each other and the mayor, and start partnering in the investigation.
11. INT. HOLDING FACILITY – DAY
Idris is questioned by Homeland Security and Dorkman comes for him.
12. EXT. 911 MEMORIAL – DAY
Liberty gazes sadly at it.
13. EXT. LIBERTY ISLAND – DAY
Flak and Cornfield examine the island, learn there are no clues, and see the Homeless Man in the distance ranting that the Statue of Liberty is alive.
14. INT. DORKMAN’S AD AGENCY – DAY
Liberty, insisting she’s the Statue of Liberty, tries to see Dorkman, who’s meeting with the Senator. Idris rescues Liberty from security guards and leads her away.
15. INT./EXT. IDRIS AND LIBERTY – DAY
Idris is attracted to Liberty and wants her to model for his Statue of Liberty replica. She’s angry that she was mistreated at Dorkman’s agency.
16. INT. MADISON SQUARE GARDEN – DAY
The Director orders Homeland Security to be more aggressive in its search.
17. INT. FBI OFFICE – DAY
Flak and Cornfield decide to visit Dorkman
18. INT. IDRIS’S STUDIO – DAY
Idris and Liberty warm-up, but he’s appalled to learn she wants to stop the campaign he’s working on. He agrees to introduce her to Dorkman, but first, she wants to see her brother.
19. EXT. MANHATTAN STREETS – DAY
Flak and Cornfield see that Homeland Security is questioning men of Middle East descent.
20. INT. DORKMAN’S AD AGENCY – DAY
Flak and Cornfield question Dorkman, but make no progress.
21. INT. CAMPAIGN OFFICE – DAY
Pleased with the media attention he’s getting, the Senator argues for zero immigration.
22. EXT. UNION PARK – DAY
Liberty exults in her humanity as she and Idris visit her “brother,” the statue of Lafayette that sculptor Bartholdi did before he made her. Idris remains skeptical that she’s the Statue of Liberty.
23. EXT. ALLEY – DAY
Angry that Idris doesn’t believe her, she convinces him she’s the Statue of Liberty by morphing her arm into green metal.
24. EXT. STREET – DAY
As Idris collects his wits, he and Liberty are confronted by Large, Grim Men, who grow suspicious of them.
25. INT. IDRIS’S STUDIO – NIGHT
Idris and Liberty warm up to each other.
In the bathroom, Liberty sees herself as a woman. For the first time.
Liberty reveals she has only several days before she must return to her pedestal. If she doesn’t, she can never return. Alarmed, Idris arranges to have Liberty meet Dorkman, but conceals his involvement in the campaign. Liberty’s thrilled and kisses him. It’s her first kiss. Ever.
On a cot, Liberty falls asleep. For the first time.
26. INT. IDRIS’S STUDIO – DAY
Idris is anxious as Liberty leaves to meet Dorkman.
27. INT. DORKMAN’S AGENCY – DAY
Liberty confronts Dorkman, but he makes her the face of the ad campaign and instructs her to return tomorrow. Liberty cluelessly thinks she’ll be on TV to make her case.
28. INT. THE DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
The Mayor is critical of Homeland Security’s intention to conduct a building-to-building search of lower Manhattan, but demands that he return the statue soon.
29. INT. DORKMAN’S OFFICE – DAY
Idris is appalled that Dorkman’s using Liberty in the campaign, and unsuccessfully tries to persuade him that she’s the actual Statue of Liberty.
30. INT./EXT.SHOPPING – DAY
Liberty realizes she’s attracted to Idris, and Simon, Idris’s neighbor, takes her shopping so she can dress more attractively for Idris.
31. INT. FBI OFFICE – DAY
Flak wonders if the Homeless Man might be right about Liberty coming down from her pedestal.
32. INT. IDRIS’S STUDIO – NIGHT
Flak and Cornfield confront Liberty and then Idris. Idris wants to tell Liberty the truth about his involvement in the campaign, but instead they make love. It’s her first time.
33. EXT. BUILDING – DAY
On her way to Dorkman’s, Liberty realizes she’s in love with Idris.
34. INT. IDRIS’S STUDIO – DAY
Idris freaks that Liberty has left for Dorkman’s agency.
35. INT. DORKMAN’S AGENCY – DAY
Liberty realizes she’s being exploited and is hauled away by security.
36. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Liberty is interrogated by Flak and Cornfield.
37. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Idris sees Liberty in jail. He’s stunned when she says she wants to stay with him.
38. INT. IDRIS’S STUDIO – DAY
Idris wrestles with what he should do.
39. INT. OFFICE SUITE – NIGHT
The Director orders ICE to hold Liberty.
40. INT. DORKMAN’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Dorkman realizes Liberty is the actual Statue of Liberty.
41. INT. HOLDING CELL – NIGHT
ICE comes for Liberty.
42. INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
As Liberty is taken to a mental institution, she tells Idris she loves him.
43. INT. CAMPAIGN OFFICE – NIGHT
Thinking she’s a terrorist, the Senator wants Liberty deported immediately.
44. INT. OFFICE SUITE – NIGHT
The Director demands that Homeland Security bring in Liberty for questioning.
45. INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Flak and Cornfield see evidence that perhaps the Statue of Liberty walked away from her pedestal.
46. INT. IDRIS’S STUDIO – NIGHT
Flak and Cornfield break into the studio and Flak grabs Liberty’s crown.
47. INT. PSYCHIATRIC INSTITUTION – NIGHT
Idris and Dorkman sneak into the mental hospital disguised as shrinks.
48. INT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
Flak and Cornfield drive to the institution to talk with Liberty.
49. INT. PSYCHIATRIC INSTITUTION – NIGHT
Idris and Dorkman free Liberty from her cell. She finally learns the truth about Idris and is leery of Dorkman.
The Senator arrives with ICE. The Director arrives with Homeland Security.
50. INT. PSYCHIATRIC INSTITUTION ROOF – NIGHT
As they flee, Idris, Liberty, and Dorkman confront the Senator and ICE. She convinces him she’s the Statue of Liberty. The trio race off in the campaign’s “Liberty is security” blimp.
51. INT. PSYCHIATRIC INSTITUTION – NIGHT
Flak and Cornfield arrive and the Homeless Man tells them the Statue of Liberty walks among them.
52. INT. BLIMP – NIGHT
Dorkman vows to stop the campaign and Liberty forgives him and Idris. A Homeland Security helicopter forces them to land on the Empire State Building and flee into the building. Liberty starts to age.
53. EXT. EMPIRE STATE BUILDING – NIGHT
Idris, Liberty, and Dorkman exit the building and are surrounded by Homeland Security. They’re rescued at the last moment by Flak and Cornfield who drive them away.
54. INT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
Flak realizes Liberty’s the Statue of Liberty. Pursued by Homeland Security, they race to Liberty Island.
55. EXT. DOCKS – NIGHT
Liberty continues to age, but convinces the Mayor of who she is.
56. EXT. LIBERTY ISLAND – NIGHT
Liberty rejuvenates once on the island. The Senator and then Homeland Security confront her and Idris. He thanks her for reviving his idealism; she thanks him for teaching her what it’s like to be a woman. In a blazing white light, she returns to her pedestal as keeper of the flame.
All is well.
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Hello Harvey, would you like feedback as per our class requirement. Thanks Anna
p.s. I would appreciate you reading my beat sheet, also a struggle for me. Useful though.
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Hi, Anna.
I read your beat sheet but I don’t know how useful I can be. Beat sheets are odd creations that present only a narrow part of a screenplay and its story. Without descriptions, dialogue, characterizations, etc., it’s hard to get a sense of a story and its characters. For example, I didn’t get a sense of what Sarah wanted and needed, or her relationship with her son. Nor did I get a sense of her arc. But I stress this is not criticism. Beat sheets don’t give us that kind of information and you certainly seemed to follow Hal’s instructions in the creation of your beat sheet. Similarly, I’m reluctant to ask you to read my beat sheet for “Loving Liberty.” I don’t think you could get a sense of my script just from its beat sheet. Any thoughts?
Harvey
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What I’ve learned about the assignment is the Beat Sheet allows me to correctly pace my story, which allows it to be very clear concise when writing it or making edits.
Logline: A deserted nature guy with animal senses bonds with a wolf and nosy camp kids to take down an animal-smuggling ring.
(ACT #1)
1. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Hank hears a gun shot and tries to find out want happens. He finds a wounded wolf, tries to help it and gets bit on the hand.
2. EXT. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Hank names the wolf Charlie and tries to comfort it. He surprisingly discovers he can talk to animals. Hank strangely becomes dizzy and faints.
3. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
Shean and Mimi struggle to teach 11-year-old Camp Kids how to pitch tents.
4. MONTAGE – HANK SPIES ON SHEAN AND THE CAMP KIDS
1)Hank stands on hill and spies on Shean and the Camp Kids
2)He holds binoculars to and away from his eyes.
3)Hank throws away is binoculars as he realizes his vision has improved like a hawk.
4)He pulls a family photo out his back pocket and reminisces about his lost family.
5. FLASHBACK – WHITEWATER RAFTING ACCIDENT
Hank relives the horrible day he lost his family in a whitewater rafting accident.
6. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – LATER
Captain Woodhead hammers up a wanted poster with Hank’s picture on it. The Camp Kids return to find their tents magically built for them. Captain Woodhead flirts with Shean she rejects him.
7. EXT. CAMPGROUND MAIN ENTRANCE – DAY
Captain Woodhead introduces Camp Kids to the park and tries to quiet unruly kids. Shean yells and gets them under control. The restless camp kids soak Captain Woodhead with water guns.
8. EXT. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Three clumsy Forest Ranger tried to kick Hank out of the forest pack. He refuses and the wolf runs them off.
9. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Four Camp Kids get lost in the forest searching for firewood.
10. EXT. BARN HOUSE – DAY
The Four Camp Kids stumble across a secluded Barn House and find animals being caged and tortured inside by the Forest Rangers.
11. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST
The Three Forest Rangers crazily chase the kids away from the Barn House.
12. EXT. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Hank uses his new strong sense of smell and sniffs out the Camp Kids. The lost Camp Kids nervously approach and ask for help. Jo-Jo a Camp Kid swings a stick at Hank for protection.
13. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
Shean hugs the Camp Kids because they were gone too long from the camp site. The Camp Kids tried to describe Hank and introduce him to Shean but he disappeared off into the forest.
14. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Hank vigorously chops down a tree with a hatchet. Two Beavers fast talk Hank and try to con him for half of the tree he’s cutting down.
15. I/E. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Hank returns with firewood to find the Camp Kids knocking on his door. He invites them in and is hit Hank with a ton of questions about the floaties and lifesaver hanging of the walls until one ask about his family and he ask them to leave.
16. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Hank watches Shean from a distance and is mesmerized by her beauty. He begins to sing the Temptations son “My Girl” of key and other animals began to complain about it.
17. EXT. VOLLEYBALL SAND COURT – DAY
Hank and Charlie the Wolf stand behind a try and watch the Camp Kids get slaughtered by a Rival Team in a game of volleyball. Two mean Kids from the Rival Team prank Eddie and Tommy and pour paint on their head. Hank retaliates by signaling Birds to bomb the Two mean Kids with bird poop.
18. EXT. BLUE WOLF LAKE – DAY
Jo-Jo alerts Hank that is fishing near bye that Carlos one of the Camp Kids is drowning. Hank rushes to the edge of the lake to help but freezes due to his fear of water. Shean has to dive in a save him.
19. I/E. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
The Three blundering Forest Ranger trash and demolish Hank’s Old Camp Trailer with sledgehammers.
20. EXT. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Hank’s jaw drops when he finds his home wrecked. He wildly digs through the rubbish and floaties to find his torn family picture and pieces it back together.
21. INT. FOREST RANGER STATION – DAY
Captain Woodhead scolds the blundering Forest Rangers because they wrecked Hanks’s Camp Trailer but did not manage to catch him.
22. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Jo-Jo huddles the Camp Kids together to build Hank a tent to live in after his old dusty Camp Trailer was demolished.
23. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – LATER
Jo-Jo and the Camp Kids surprise Hank with a tent to live in. He tries to be strong and hold back his tears.
24. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK ROAD – DAY
Jo-Jo and the Camps Kids find a transport truck filled with animals. They are unable to free the animals because cage doors are padlocked.
25. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK ROAD – LATER
Captain Woodhead finds the kids snooping around and catches Tommy.
26. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Hank angrily sits outside of his tent, sharpening a knife and vents about how Captain Woodhead has treated the Camp Kids. He throws the knife at a tree and it lands between the eyes of a Captain Woodhead picture.
27. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK ROAD – LATER
Crazy Tex Cattleman enters the national park in an old white stretch limousine with bull horns on the front. He discusses the illegal sale of exotic animal with Captain Woodhead.
28. INT. ANIMAL TRANSPORT TRUCK – DAY
Hank enters the Transport Truck to find caged animals inside. He talks to the wacky animals inside; each displays a musical talent and vows to save them.
29. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK ROAD – DAY
Charlie the Wolf barks as Hank is arrested by a Forest Ranger.
30. I/E SHEAN’S LOG CABIN – DAY
Captain Woodhead slides a letter under Shean’s and invites her to dinner. Shean’s assistant Mimi answer secretly agrees to go to dinner.
31. I/E FOREST RANGER CAR – DAY (Page 38)
The Forest Rangers Pete and Ranger Larry drive down a country road as they plan to drop off Hank far away from national park. While riding in the backseat he manages to have the Forest Ranger turn on each other. He is then dumped on an old country road miles away from the forest.
(ACT #2)
1. I/E SHEAN’S LOG CABIN – DAY
The Camp Kids stare at Captain Woodhead as he drives a golf cart up to Shean’s Log Cabin. He knocks on the door t holding roses. Shean tosses the roses to MiMi and they leave.
2. EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – DAY
Hank sleeps on the side of road and a Bird lands on him. He lets him know the animals need him and his girl was out on a date. Hank jumps up tries to catch a ride.
3. I/E REST STOP – DAY
Hank exits a pickup truck and enters the rest stop. He bumps into Crazy Tex Cattleman the animal smuggler in the restroom.
4. I/E ANIMAL TRANSPORT TRUCK – DAY
Hank sniffs out the animal transport truck and enters it to find the smuggled animals inside. He frees the animals, but they choose to go back to the forest him.
5. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Captain Woodhead lays a blanket on the ground and grabs a picnic basket. Shean looks around and realizes there is not meeting. She rejects his advances, beats him and leaves him on the ground and drives off.
6. EXT. ARCHERY RANGE – DAY
The Camp Kids struggles to shoot a bow and arrow bull’s eye. Hank shoots from a distant and hits dead center. He then joins the Camp Kids and shoots Captain Woodhead’s ranger hat off his head.
7. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Hank and the Camp Kids are attached by a huge python snake. The snake coils around Hank and Charlie The Wolf bites its tail and they can safely get away.
8. EXT. SHEAN’S LOG CABIN – DAY
The Camp Kids introduce a nervous Hank to Shean. Shean attacks Hank with a fire extinguisher because of the wanted poster misconception and Hank runs away.
9. EXT. BLUE WOLF RIVER – DAY
Captain Woodhead takes Shean and the Camp Kids on a white-water rafting ride. Hank and Charlie The Wolf watch them.
10. EXT. BLUE WOLF RIVER – LATER
Captain Woodhead falls off the raft in rough water, they lose control and Hank has to save them. He rides a horse to catch up, saves them with a rope and bow and arrow but doesn’t touch the water due to his fear of it.
11. EXT. PAINTBALL FIELD – DAY
The Camp Kids are losing in a paintball war.
12. MONTAGE – HANK JOINS THE PAINTBALL WAR
1)Hank sneaks into the paintball war undisguised wearing a mask.
2)Hank takes out a rival player.
3)Captain Woodhead and Forest Ranger takeout another Ranger.
4)Two Camp Kids are taken out by Captain Woodhead and Forest Ranger. Shean takes out the Forest Ranger.
5)Hank takes out with Captain Woodhead in a tough battle.
13. EXT. PAINTBALL FIELD – LATER
Captain Woodhead forces Hank to remove the paintball helmet and mask. The Forest Ranger try to apprehend Hank, but the Camp Kids help him escape by shooting the Forest Rangers with paint balls.
14. EXT. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Hank searches through his old demolished camp trailer and finds an old wooden trunk. He opens the trunk to find survival gear inside.
15. MONTAGE – HANK AND CAMP KIDS BUILDING BOOBY TRAPS
1)Hank huddles the Camp Kids and teach them how to build booby traps.
2)Camp Kids struggle to dig a trap pit.
3)Camp Kids hand a rope to Hank and he climbs a tree.
4)Camp Kids attach rope to a net and cover it with leaves.
5)Hank and Camp Kids cover a pit with tree limbs and twigs.
16. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Hank and the Camp Kids trick a Forest Ranger searching for him. Hank sneaks up from behind clubs him with a branch and steals his tight-fitting uniform and walkie-talkie. He calls the other rangers to their location.
17. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
Shean is realizing some of the Camp Kids are missing a lot and searches for them.
18. EXT. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Hank and Camp Kids lure two Forest Rangers into his traps. While leaving Hank forgets about his own trap and hangs trapped in the air by a rope.
19. EXT. JO-JO’S LOG CABIN – DAY
The Camp Kids huddle in a log cabin to figure out how to free Hank. Shean and MiMi enter the room and questions the kids.
20. EXT. BARN HOUSE – DAY
The Forest Ranger walk a hand cuffed Hank to the Barn House. Hank tries to fast talk his way out of being hand cuffed, but the Ranger does not fall for it.
(ACT #3)
1. INT. BARN HOUSE – DAY
Hank is shoved into a cage by two Forest Rangers. He meets some wild, wacky and musically talented animals while locked away in the barn.
2. I/E. BARN HOUSE – DAY
Captain Woodhead and the Forest Rangers stand outside of the Barn House. The Forest Ranger Hank clubbed runs to them in boxers and a t-shirt. Hank thinks Charlie The Wolf is coming to save them, but he is trapped in a cage too.
3. EXT. BARN HOUSE – DAY
A Pizza Guy delivers three pizzas to the Forest Rangers. They fight over which pizza they want.
4. I/E. BARN HOUSE – DAY
Jo-Jo steals a Forest Ranger’s quad ATV. As they chase him the other Camp Kids free Hank and he then frees the Animals.
5. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Jo-Jo speeds down a forest trail until he runs into a tree. The Forest Rangers then arrest him.
6. INT. FOREST RANGER STATION – DAY
Captain Woodhead screams about the Forest Rangers for getting the ATV Quad stolen. They forget to guard the Barn House and Jo-Jo is locked away in a cell.
7. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
Shean and MiMi look for Jo-Jo. The Camps cover for him and lie about his where about.
8. INT. BARN HOUSE – DAY
The Forest Rangers enter the Barn House with all the cages empty.
9. INT. BATHROOM – DAY
The Camp Kids huddle in the bathroom and try to plan how to free Jo-Jo. Hanks exits a bathroom stall and surprises them. He agrees to have a makeover to impress Shean.
10. MONTAGE – HANK’S IMAGE SWAG-OVER
1) Hank shaves his hairy body in the shower and leaves hair clump mountain on the floor.
2)The Camp Kids try to wash Hank’s clothes but the washer overflows from too much soap.
3)Hank tries on a geeky plaid shirt that was stolen from laundry sac.
4)A Camp Kid cuts Hank’s hair into a mohawk and he acts like Mr. T.
5)The Camp Kid cuts Hank’s hair and carves a wolf head into it.
11. INT. FOREST RANGER STATION – DAY
Jo-Jo stands in a station Jail cell and demand to be released. He insults the two Forest Rangers and they both want to attack him.
12. INT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
A newly transformed Hank is unrecognizable to some of the Camp Kids.
13. EXT. SHEAN’S LOG CABIN – DAY
Hank builds up the courage to knock on Shean’s door. MiMi and Shean don’t remember him. He asks for Shean’s help to free Jo-Jo.
14. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
Hank and Shean team together to go free Jo-Jo. He then has Charlie The Wolf guard the Camp Kids while they are gone.
15. INT. FOREST RANGER STATION – DAY
Shean approaches the Forest Ranger with a picnic basket and tied up shirt to look sexy. They flirt with her, but she keeps her cool.
16. I/E. CAPTAIN WOODHEAD’S OFFICE – DAY
Shean hears Latin music playing outside of Captain Woodhead’s office as he dances to Zumba. She cries and puts on an act to find her missing son Jo-Jo. He calls the blundering Forest Rangers to find him.
17. I/E. FOREST RANGER STATION – DAY
Hank sneaks into the station, finds and frees Jo-Jo. While leaving the station they run into a Forest Ranger. Charlie the Wolf saves them, and they wait outside for Shean.
18. I/E. CAPTAIN WOODHEAD’S OFFICE – LATER
Captain Woodhead chases Shean around a desk in his office. Hank breaks in and accused him of illegal animal smuggling. He Shean hostage and tries to escape.
19. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Captain Woodhead Shoves Shean into an ATV Buggy and drives away. Hank hops on a quad ATV and chases after them.
20. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
Jo-Jo and Charlie The Wolf arrive back to the campgrounds and are greeted by the other Camp Kids.
21. EXT. BLUE WOLF RIVER – DAY
Captain Woodhead exits the ATV Buggy and drags Shean down the boardwalk. They enter a speedboat with a Parasail attached. Hank nervously faces his fear of water, hesitantly puts on Parasail equipment and is thrusted in the air.
22. EXT. BLUE WOLF RIVER – LATER
Hank floats in the middle of the river and Mr. Crocodile attacks. He defeats Mr. Crocodile in water brawl and is given a ride to Shean. Hank unties Shean and carries her to safety.
23. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Hank uses his strong sense of smell to track Captain Woodhead. He has to outsmart a Black Bear and continues to trail Captain Woodhead.
24. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK ROAD – DAY
Captain Woodhead tries to make a getaway in a Animal Transport but the Camp Kids blocks his way. Hank catches up to Captain Woodhead and punches him in the jaw knocking him to the ground. A swarm of Forest Ranger Cadets approach and arrest Captain Woodhead even though Hank thought he was getting arrested.
25. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Hank is approached by the Forest Ranger Sergeant and is offered an honorary Forest Ranger Captain job. Shean congratulates Hank with a kiss.
26. INT. CAPTAIN HANK’S OFFICE – DAY
Hank can’t stand his quiet office and opens a window. A female Turtle flirts and calls out his names. He sinks into his chair and tries to ignore the female Turtle.
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Fred’s Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is that entire beats had to be cut out in order to elevate the story/character arc.
ACT 1
– scenes of Jin and Emma? Talking about parent’s marriage?, OLD HABITS, lovey dovey, holding hands,
– Jin and Han at restaurant? Jin being showered with love in front of Grandma’s friends?
– Emma is picked up at the airport by Jin and Han? Visit his dad’s restaurant, meet the other chefs, “boss’s son”, talks about Mother, family Jesa, she’s making the food right now
– Jin’s mom got her the scent/perfume, that’s why they smell so similar, present handed off at the airport
0. Restaurant – Jin’s old world/defining action/habits established through work/family (jesa)
0.25 Mother – old world/treatment established through preparation for Jesa
0.5 Han – status established through restaurant, family (jesa), also should be meeting Mistress?, or bluetooth call as Jin is getting dropped off
0.75 Emma – relationship with Jin should be established, either through airport arrival, or Jin leaving her at airbnb/date for Jesa
1. Jesa – Grandpa must be seen in a position of power, his fading health + old age, Han receiving the keys to the kingdom, Jin being placed next in line
– sort of addressed by family business, but Han’s role should be bigger, they are inseparable, will move as one, like a machine with two gears
– business turns out to be dishonorable more and more? (slowly chip away his faith in family?)
– Grandpa’s vision is to build a lasting dynasty, that foresees the present and the future through two generations, wants Jin to pass onto his own offsprings, except jin will later threaten this idea by saying he renounces his inheritance and not respect the family traditions like Jesa, find flaw in the system/culture
2. Dinner – Patriarchy power dynamic, women are treated as inferiors, Mother in law is even lower
3. Car ride – Bluetooth phone call from Mistress, Mother calls it quits
4. Mother leaving – packing, fighting, photo
5. Photo booth/ring date – Jin can’t focus around Emma, has second doubts about relationship (engagement??/marriage??)
6. House – Jin is embarrassed about state of the house, doesn’t tell her what happened, wants to keep it a secret, cleans up in a rush without her help, doesn’t want to abuse her like his family, kicks her out once Han arrives, sees him as a threat now
7. Hotel buffet – Jin’s 18th birthday?, Female server drops plate, everyone thinks it’s her fault except Jin, grandma babies him? Grandpa flexes power?
– does he show what kind of consequences ppl can have for being dishonorable? Maybe he castigates/banishes a different family member
8. Reunion with Mom at park – explanation, Jin decides he wants to live with mom
– is his decision too quick?
– can the fish bit be with Emma? Date? Who says it
– NEEDS HELP
9. Smash and grab failed – Han waiting for them at the house, scares off Jin’s mother, takes his phone, and sends him to his grandparents
– cliche scene?
– NEEDS HELP
– If Jin stays with his Dad, how is he locked into the journey? What journey? It’s unclear unless he decides to uproot himself
– Gets his own desk at the company?
ACT 2
10. Grandparent’s house – New plan – sees Grandma condemn politician for cheating
11. Emma date – still not ready to show grandparents, why? – because she is white and they won’t understand, use this as an excuse, the real reason is Jin is afraid of Emma becoming his mother
– need to build this issue in earlier, ready then not ready? Second thoughts? Emma says, can’t wait to meet them, Jin says no (makes an excuse), she takes this as oh it’s because I’m white, I’ll never be fully accepted (create her own struggle of being an outsider, stared by older ppl on the streets/ restaurant, doesn’t even have to be hostile, oh like this place must be good if there’s a foreigner, what’s Jin’s reaction going to be?
– dinner, argument over seeing Han, track his phone to collect evidence
– can’t have her know Han’s friends if she just got here, do I give up the idea that this is her first time here? Should I stick to the idea that she’s been living here for a while?
12. Eavesdropping dinner – Jin and Emma watch Han meeting Mistress, Han takes photos, Emma tries to stop him, Han comes out for a phone call, they have to race back home, Emma enters the restaurant to go speak with her
– NEEDS HELP
– too much of a chase scene, a little cheesy, could use complete change later
13. Grandparent’s house – Grounded – Han castigates Jin
14. Next day – Imprisoned – house is locked to keep Jin in
– his anger causes Grandpa distress and spoils his health
– in later drafts, being physically imprisoned is too dramatic, try changing the dynamic where Jin still lingers with the family but slowly starts to break away from it?
– NEEDS HELP
15. Emma appears – awkward interaction with Grandparents, her and Jin have a formal meeting with them, live translation, both parties hinting at marriage/family/in law/ tradition/culture/etc
16. Jin and Emma fight – outside on the lawn, Emma gives him the address to the mistress – defenitely more interesting if Jin wanted to introduce her in the beginning
– what kind of interaction did Emma have with her? “you’re gonna want to meet her, he’s insulted by this very notion
– NEEDS HELP
17. Grandma and Aunts gossip – prepare food and chit chat about Jin’s girlfriend + grandpa, JENNY? Interactions
18. Jin brings Mother to Grandparents – showdown, exposes the truth, family is shocked but don’t come up with a solution, instead back there way into cowardice which sets off Jin
NEEDS ACTION
– OTHER VERSION, HE TELLS THEM WITHOUT MOTHER, THEy ALREADY KNOW, BIGGER SURPRISE
ACT 3
19. Jin inquires Mother about Uncle in the car
20. Jin and Emma discuss Busan, PLAN STH IN ADVANCE THAT HE CANCELS ON HER (like formal/prom)
– NEEDS HELP
21. Jin takes the Train to Busan
22. Reunion with cousins, goes better than expected (maybe I need to build the anticipation more, worry or dread), way early on, like act 1
23. Catching up with them, more in common (did they go to America after Jin? Like following his footsteps, or with the inheritance money? Mother didn’t get any? (another twist to the family drama, she sacrificed for Jin)
– NEEDS HELP
24. Jin meets Uncle and New Aunt
25. Jin feels discomfort around their ways, not the kind of family he is used to
26. Emma and Han get drunk over dinner, share secret off screen? (weak, use this opportunity to present new information)
– NEEDS HELP
27. Jin goes to church with his cousins, feels out of place
28. Uncle reveals reason for the lack of communication between him and Mother
29. Uncle wants Jin to pass on a message for Mother, but he crumples it, unimpressed by his cowardice
30. Jin returns to Emma’s – seems like he’s matured in his understanding (WHAT CAUSES THIS), but takes a huge step backwards with his reveal
– NEEDS HELP
Act 4
31. Jin returns to Mother’s – helps her take out a blackhead
MAYBE earlier it’s Jin and Emma who has this dynamic, Emma wants to but Jin doesn’t, spoils the mood and triggers an argument
– or just playful, like napping on her lap and she scrapes blackhead off his nose, maybe first scene
32. Jin goes to see the mistress – encounters her son, Toddler, dumbstruck, have to make them seem like the enemy, why would he not want to meet them if he’s trying to get to the bottom of this, does Han say she’s just trying to take his money, leech off their wealth?
– needs to have parallel experience with him like he did with uncle, but he can’t tell him to take care of his mother yet because he is so young, maybe we see him treat his mom with care as if he were the adult, jin remarks how mature he is
33. Jin talks with her – single parenting, Han, abandonment
– Why now? Why is the Mistress coming to the scene now, did Han offer financial support before and stopped all of a sudden?
– mistress starts happy and smiling, ends crying, toddler comforts her, impresses Jin
– needs strong push for the climax, needs to be against introducing mistress, ingrained from beginning
– NEEDS HELP
34. Jin returns to Grandparents – everyone is on edge, he accuses Han in front of them
35. Jin brings in Mistress and toddler – exposes Han in front of Grandparents, Han retaliates but Grandma intervenes
36. Grandpa almost feints and kicks Han out, breaks down in shame for raising a dishonorable family
– need to reinforce Grandpa’s health being at risk through the middle too, introduced early but not backed up throughout,
37. Mom’s apartment – Jin reports back on revenge, Mother cries? Feels like the family is growing farther and farther apart ever since she left, she just wanted to get out not dismantle it, she cares for them still
– Jin chose her over family + Emma, she didn’t want that
– COULD USE HELP
38. Jin recognizes his mistake and goes to Grandparents to fix it – redemption, mood is heavy and low
39. Jin goes home to fix up Han and bring him back, needs stronger reconcilliation, how do they bury the hatchet? ACTION (planted early on)
– NEEDS HELP
40. Jin and Han force a Jesa by themselves, Grandma joins and so does Grandpa eventually
41. Grandpa shows some change by bringing in Grandma
– reminder of patriarchy in the middle needed, same with dog
42. Reunion between Mother and Uncle’s family at burial site, peaceful resolution
43. New state of things at grandparents – Mistress and Toddler are part of the family while Han has to work his way back
44. Closure with Emma? No more marriage/relationship, Jin prioritizes his family
– NEEDS HELP
Bit
– Assigning kid to watch garlic when cooking bbq
– Like handing off responsibility
– Can be inclusive or bossy (Jenny vs Toddler)
Toddler can comfort mistress when she is crying, patting her back and asking whats wrong even if he doesnt know whats the problem
Adults say they kept the problem to themselves because this was their responsibility, had to keep Jin from having a troubled childhood, but he feels cheated for having been left out of the truth/secret
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