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Day 12 Assignments
Reply to post your assignments.
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8 Replies
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Karen Crider/Dramatic Scene Transitions
What I learned: When a writer concentrates on one area of screenplays, it exemplifies other areas that need a remedy. I have a problem with my computer not saving; so, I do well to recheck what it refuses to post. This area of writing—scene transitions, are something I have not considered previously, and it pays to be aware of it… Thanks.
Percy, the dragon, is jealous of Dusty relationship with Toby, a party animal, who wants Dusty to move from his cabin to the cities; so, he does sit-ups on Toby’s car wrecking it, while Dusty watches unable to do anything about it. This scene occurs after the wicked deed is done.
INT. CABIN – LATER Percy shows up, to Dusty’s dismay.
DUSTY (to Percy) So you’ve returned to the scene of your crime. You have no right to destroy Toby’s vehicle. He may never come back.
PERCY Good. He’s not right for you!
DUSTY Says the dragon?
PERCY Is that an insult? When’s the last time you’ve eaten? Humans get cranky when they’re hungry.
DUSTY I’m not hungry!
He puts the urn back on the shelf and yawns. Go chase a unicorn!
PERCY I can take a hint.
<s>Percy leaves</s>.
( I changed this line to: Percy turns invisible, but doesn’t leave.
Changing the line resorts in a better transition, instead of the piece-meal interruption between scenes.
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
Dusty wakes Percy pacing the floor. His grieving continues, until Percy can’t stand it.
Dusty startles when he hears Percy’s voice.
PERCY You need to get out more. Find a nice woman, ya’ know, take her to dinner.
***
INT. CAR – DAY
Dusty drives home. In the mirror, he glances at his reflection. Light glints off his Coca-Cola lenses. They magnify his eyes into a feature of perennial surprise. Loneliness impales him.
He pulls his car off the side of the road, and weeps.
This transition is too abrupt.
He sighs, wipes his eyes and goes home.
INT. CABIN- DAY
<s>Dusty climbs inside the den. </s>
Dusty climbs over what’s left of his door.
Percy sprawls <s>around several</s> across several, bereft rafters. His body spans the entire <s>cabin</s> floor. He yawns.
In the murky light, Percy’s heavy-lidded eyes peer at Dusty.
PERCY You still mad at me?
This transition is vastly different, but I like it. Sometimes one just goes with his /her gut.
EXT. SPACE – DAY
Nurse Phobe and Princess Zenith<s> pass</s> fly past the planet of the Dinosaurs; the Unicorns, and the galaxies of Nimbus, Prince of the Clouds. Space debris flies. Rain falls.
Adding the word, below, brings it in relation to the former sentence.
EXT. EARTH, MINNESOTA HIGHWAY 18 – DAY
Below, an eighteen-car-pileup results after a drunk driver views two dragons flying toward him.
Both dragons eyeball the drunk, unsure what kind of creature he is, then disappear.
Policemen arrive on scene. One officer uses a crowbar to jimmy the drunk’s car door open.
OFFICER HINKLEY Are you hurt, sir?
DRUNK DRIVER (to police) I s-swear, osifer’– BURP. A couple, huge-mongous… d-dragons hit my car–
(his eyes glaze) hugeous’ and verry’ ugly.
OFFICER HINKLEY (matter of fact) Sure. Sure. Come with me…
Officer Hinkley cuffs the man and helps him into his cruiser.
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David’s Dramatic Scene Transitions
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…?” It’s a lot easier to do scene transitions than change scene structure. I already had a lot of transitions other than flow. I tended to build them in first time.
Select at least three scene transitions you’d like to improve and
“try on” each of the following transitions to see which works best.
Give us the two scenes with a Before and After on the transition
between them. CAPS INDICATE THE SCENE CHANGESA. JANET
And don’t spend all night in the library. I don’t care what the librarian said.
Paul closes the book.
Dressed, Paul opens his window and pets a BLACK CAT. He leaves to see his Uncle Jack.
11. EXT/INT. JACK’S BOAT AT DOCK – DAY
Paul walks toward Jack’s boat. A BLACK CAT CROSSES HIS PATH. PAUL HESITATES. Paul boards captain JACK’s trawler, moored at a dock. Several other trawlers are moored further on.
B. Santos walks behind Paul and looks over his shoulder. He reaches around in front of Paul. He has a switchblade concealed in his hand and opens it. The edge points up towards Paul’s neck. Paul squeals and Sandy gasps. Santos reverses the edge and cuts deeply into the book Paul was reading. Santos laughs and walks away.
27. INT. JACK’S BOAT AT DOCK – DAY
Paul climbs aboard and finds Lenny drinking beer, with whiskey nearby. LENNY IS GUTTING FISH WITH A KNIFE.
C. Paul and captain Jack have barely enough strength to nod their heads.
Paul dumps scraps over the side and several sharks immediately attack them, churning the water in their feeding.
Paul shudders.
He goes into the deckhouse and cringes when he suddenly realizes he is close to the Tarantula. PAUL SNAPS OPEN A CAN OF SOFT DRINK.
39. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Paul, Jack, and Lenny sit in a booth. PAUL SNAPS OPEN A CAN OF SOFT DRINK. Jack and Lenny drink whiskey and beer. Still exhausted and grimy. All really angry at Paul.
PAUL
I don’t understand. What went wrong? We were in the right place.
D. PRINCIPAL (CONT’D)
Paul, I’ve known you for years. It’s hard for me to believe this of you. But we all know how much you need a scholarship. This allegation makes all your past achievements suspect.
Until we look into this further, I have no choice but to suspend you from school and refer this problem to the authorities. I’m sorry.
Paul leaves, stunned. HE IS SLUMPED AND HANGDOG.
44. INT. MALL – DAY
PAUL IS SLUMPED AND HANGDOG. He walks to a table where Sandy is waiting. Sandy looks concerned, touches his arm, and pulls him down.
PEOPLE walk and sit around them.
E. LENNY (CONT’D)
Can I use this shotgun or does that head son-of-a-bitch need a stake through his heart?
PAUL
The gun will do.
LENNY DRAGS ROBES AND A HOOD OUT OF THE BAG.
52. EXT. CULT’S BAYOU HOUSE – NIGHT
At the door. Lenny’s face is concealed by a hood and gown. He drags a tied-up Paul who whimpers and pleads.
PAUL
Please let me go. I won’t say anything. I’ll tell you anything you want. Don’t hurt me. Please.
F. LENNY (CONT’D)
Do you know what I hate most about modern society?
Paul and Jack, perplexed, stare at Lenny.
LENNY (CONT’D)
The acts of senseless vandalism.
He throws the kerosene lantern into the house and blasts it with the shotgun. Flames rapidly spread.
54. INT. PAUL’S HOME LIVING ROOM – DAY
A FIRE IS BLAZING IN THE FIREPLACE.
JANET
You keep going on these wild goose chases. You don’t know if that map is right or wrong. How do you know if that ship even had a treasure?
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Judith Lesson 12 – transitions
What I learned is looking at the scenes and finding places to add transitions can keep your script moving forward.
BEFORE SCENE
INT. SUNNYVALE REST HOME – NIGHT
A RECEPTIONIST,30s, answers the phone. She listens. Is surprised by what she hears.
RECEPTIONIST
Who is it you wish to talk with?
INTERCUT – PHONE CONVERSATION
EMILY
Mrs. Mary Payne. Is she still up?
The receptionist grimaces.
RECEPTIONIST
Who is this?
EMILY
I’m her daughter, Emily, calling from San Francisco.
The receptionist takes her time in answering.
RECEPTIONIST
Oh…you don’t know…you’re Emily.
EMILY
Yes…
Silence on the other end.
EMILY
What is it?
RECEPTIONIST
I’m sorry to inform you Mrs. Payne died along with your sister in a fire in Rachel’s home.
EMILY
What? That’s impossible.
RECEPTIONIST
Several days ago.
Emily drops her phone. Eugene picks it up.
EUGENE
Hello…
The phone is dead. He looks at Emily. She grabs herself, hunches over and collapses into a chair.
EUGENE
What is it?
EMILY
She said my mother and Rachel died in a fire. How could that be? Rachel is here.
INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
A huge Christmas tree sits in one corner. Emily stares at the undecorated tree.
Eugene enters bringing her some tea, places the drink by her.
EUGENE
Tea, it’ll make you feel better.
EMILY
Look how bare it is. I should have already decorated it. Where’s my Christmas spirit?
Eugene hesitates.
EUGENE
Emily,…Rachel…
A harsh stare.
EMILY
What about her?
EUGENE
I don’t know what she’s up to, but Chrisy, that woman in the restaurant, doesn’t work for the company she said she did. Why did she contact me? Who sent her?
EMILY
So, why is that Rachel’s fault?
EUGENE
Your sister, if you want to call her that, never answered any of your
EUGENE
letters, keeps putting off your mother’s visit, showed up unexpectedly pretending she wanted a loving relationship with you…
EMILY
…stop it. She wouldn’t hurt me.
EUGENE
I think the whole idea of the relationship is to hurt you.
EMILY
What do you expect me to do? I’ve wanted this for ten years. It was a dream come true.
EUGENE
More of a nightmare.
She pulls away from him.
EUGENE
Just think about it, will you?
Eugene’s phone rings. They both stare at the intruder, bellowing its presence.
EMILY
Answer it, dammit.
More rings. Eugene pushes the talk button, listens.
EUGENE
There’s been an accident at the lab.
He goes to the door. Then returns and tries to give Emily a goodbye peck. She pulls away in anger.
EUGENE
Think about it.
LATER
Emily stares at the barren Christmas tree. Her angry state is broken by the BUZZING of the doorbell.
Emily just sits. Another loud BUZZING. She gives in.
INT/EXT. HALL – DAY
There stands Rachel with a bouquet of flowers.
RACHEL
Mother asked me to bring these.
Rachel reaches over and gives Emily a big hug.
RACHEL
She’s so looking forward to her visit.
Emily takes the flowers and stares at Rachel.
RACHEL
What?
EMILY
Come in.
She leads Rachel to the living room.
AFTER SCENE WITH TRANSITION….I added the transition: question and answer….
INT. SUNNYVALE REST HOME – NIGHT
A RECEPTIONIST,30s, answers the phone. She listens. Is surprised by what she hears.
RECEPTIONIST
Who is it you wish to talk with?
INTERCUT – PHONE CONVERSATION
EMILY
Mrs. Mary Payne. Is she still up?
The receptionist grimaces.
RECEPTIONIST
Who is this?
EMILY
I’m her daughter, Emily, calling from San Francisco.
The receptionist takes her time in answering.
RECEPTIONIST
Oh…you don’t know…you’re Emily.
EMILY
Yes…
Silence on the other end.
EMILY
What is it?
RECEPTIONIST
I’m sorry to inform you Mrs. Payne died along with your sister in a fire in Rachel’s home.
EMILY
What? That’s impossible.
RECEPTIONIST
Several days ago.
Emily drops her phone. Eugene picks it up.
EUGENE
Hello…
The phone is dead. He looks at Emily. She grabs herself, hunches over and collapses into a chair.
EUGENE
What is it?
EMILY
She said my mother and Rachel died in a fire. How could that be? Rachel is here?
Eugene sees Emily’s pain. He moves over to her and wraps her in his arms. She collapses.
EMILY
What am I gonna do?
INT. WHITMORE HOTEL – DAY
Emily walks up to the CLERK, a longhaired, seedy looking guy. She’s surprised at the dirty lobby.
EMILY
I’m here to see Rachel Payne.
The guy doesn’t say anything. He checks his roster, GROANING AND MOANING.
CLERK
Not at this fine establishment.
EMILY
Look, she’s been here for a week attending the artist convention.
The clerk laughs.
CLERK
Yah, lady, check out our Picasso paintings on the walls.
Emily stares at the guy.
CLERK
Look, lady, I said she ain’t here, and she ain’t here.
He turns the registrar book around. Points at it.
Emily flips through the pages. She points to Rachel’s name on the lager.
EMILY
Okay, you win. She’s checked out.
Emily’s phone rings. She doesn’t answer it. Moves to the hotel door.
CLERK
Hey, wait…
Emily turns toward him.
CLERK
She did keep bragging about a place where she went as a kid.
An exited Emily gives the Clerk a big smile.
EMILY
Thank you so much.
He watches her leave. Pulls a wad of cash from his pocket and counts it.
SCENE 2 – WITHOUT TRANSITION
INT./EXT. EMILY’S SUV – DAY
Emily drives along the road heading for the Golden Gate Bridge. She ignores a cell phone.
She pays the toll and exits the…
BRIDGE
Her phone rings. She looks at the caller.
EMILY
Hello…
She listens.
EMILY
Yes, thank you Detective Thomas for calling me back.
She nods her head.
EMILY
I can meet you tomorrow. I should be able to see you about 2. My address is 100 Woods Road. See you then.
Emily continues down the road until she sees Oak Drive the first turn to her right. A sign reads, “Zachary’s Cabins, 25 miles.”
The sun slowly descends into night as Emily turns onto Oak Drive.
EXT. ZACHARY’S CABINS – NIGHT
Emily drives up to main office in darkness. The cabins seem deserted. The dirt parking lot kicks up dust as she nears the front of the building.
Her headlights flash onto a sign that says, “Closed for the Winter.”
EMILY
Fuck.
She parks the car. Leaves the headlights on.
SCENE 2 WITH TRANSITION
INT./EXT. EMILY’S SUV – DAY
Emily drives along the road heading for the Golden Gate Bridge. She ignores a cell phone call.
She pays the toll and exits the…
BRIDGE
Her phone rings. She looks at the caller.
EMILY
Hello…
She listens.
EMILY
Yes, thank you Detective Thomas for calling me back.
She nods her head.
EMILY
I can meet you tomorrow. I should be able to see you about 2. My address is 100 Woods Road. See you then.
Emily continues down the road until she sees Oak Drive the first turn to her right. A sign reads, “Zachary’s Cabins, 25 miles.”
EXT. ZACHARY’S CABINS – NIGHT
A sign reads, ZACHARY CABINS, welcome. It’s barely visible in the darkness.
Emily drives up to main office. The dirt parking lot kicks up dust as she nears the front of the building. Her headlights flash onto a sign that says, “Closed for the Winter.”
EMILY
Fuck.
She parks the car. Leaves the headlights on. She looks around. All the cabins are dark, except for one with a faint light visible through the window.
She gets a flashlight out of her car. Turns on her headlights. Moves to the cabin.
EMILY
Number 5. Number 5.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Judith Watson.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by
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Susan Dramatic Scene Transitions
What I learned from doing this assignment is that
when we change the transitions, we also change the scenes so that their intensity
matches our new exciting transition!Reveal/Shock Transition
Before:
INT. ANIMAL SHELTER
Camera pans on the animals in the now fully occupied animal shelter: a duck with a bandaged beak, a blue jay with a cast on its leg, the skunks milling around, the deer chewing cud, and the three feral cats, who now follow Kari. As she gets up to feed and check bandages, clean cages, etc., she recalls/imagines conversations with Bridget in her mind [. . .] The last animal she feeds is a turkey with its wing in a sling.
INT. HOUSE – KITCHEN
Thanksgiving food piled everywhere. Kitchen is a total mess. John walks in.
After:
INT. ANIMAL SHELTER
[. . .] The last animal she lovingly feeds is a turkey with its wing in a sling. She softly sings a lullaby as she fixes its sling.
KARI: Don’t worry, little one. Everything will be okay.
INT. HOUSE – KITCHEN
Thanksgiving food piled everywhere. Kitchen is a total mess. Kari opens the oven door to remove a pan with a turkey! John walks in.
JOHN
Well, I see the animal sanctuary finally has been put to good use.
KARI
It’s chickpeas and tofu.
JOHN
Yeah. I’m going out.
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Heather’s Dramatic Scene Transitions
“What I learned from doing this assignment is… a lot of the transitions I have are mostly “flow” where the scenes naturally follow each other. The dramatic ones are the ones that are different. Perhaps because they need a little more …push. Not for the audience to follow, but simply because they are dramatic.
These scenes have been set up by another earlier on where Jody fishes out the worlds ugliest toque from the survival box to keep Ambrose’s head warm Ambrose is very sick at this point and Jody needs to risk walking out to a trappers cabin. The two get unto an argument and Jody slips over the embankment.
EXT. DOWN THE ROAD – CONTINUOUS
The noise of engines heard faintly through the hiss of falling snow.
Headlights flicker in the distance.
EXT. ROAD – CONTINUOUS
Jody’s jacket begins to tear.
AMBROSE
Hang on! Grab my coat!
Jody fights to find a surface with her feet that doesn’t crumble away. She looks down. Mistake. There is a hundred foot drop to the river.
Jody grabs the blanket wrapped like a poncho around Ambrose.
AMBROSE
Don’t look down!
JODY
Fantastic idea.
AMBROSE
Can you climb up me?
JODY
I can’t hang on…
AMBROSE
Merciful Father, please send a miracle.
EXT. ROAD – CONTINUOUS
SAR1 LEADER
What the hell is that?
Through the blinding snow a
dark ‘rock’ at the edge of the highway sports an ugly orange and pink toque.-
Cute.
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ALTHEA’S DRAMATIC SCENE TRANSITIONS
I learned that focusing on each individual transition gives additional opportunities to elevate the scenes.
BEFORE
EVIE (CONT’D)
I think my poet soul is saying MY love spot needs some exercise right now.
Evie pushes him back on the bed. She hikes her dress and climbs atop him
ROBERT
We’ll be late.
EVIE
They can wait for the Guest of Honor.
Evie kisses him.
INT. GLADDEN HOME ROBERT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Robert sits on the bed, head in his hands.
AFTER
VISUAL TRANSITION
EVIE (CONT’D)
I think my poet soul is saying MY love spot needs some exercise right now.
Evie pushes him back on the bed. She hikes her dress and climbs atop him
ROBERT
We’ll be late.
EVIE
They can wait for the Guest of Honor.
Evie kisses him.
MATCH TO:
INT. GLADDEN HOME ROBERT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Robert is lying on the bed in the same position as in the flashback.
BEFORE
Back stage Melvin receives a call. Caller ID says Bobbie.
BOBBIE
(panicked)
I need you to come get me now; me and a girl I know. Don’t ask questions. I’ll explain when you get here.
INT. MELVIN’S CAR – NIGHT
Melvin drives, Bobbie is in the passenger seat. They ride down a city street.
BOBBIE
Thanks for helping me with MonaGlenn. Thanks for having my back.
AFTER
SUBTEXT TRANSITION
Back stage Melvin receives a call. Caller ID says Bobbie.
INT. MELVIN’S CAR – NIGHT
Melvin drives, Bobbie is in the passenger seat. They ride down a city street.
BOBBIE
Thanks for helping me with MonaGlenn. Thanks for having my back.
BEFORE
BOBBIE
Okay.
Bobbie sits back down pulls out her phone and FACETIMES Dee.
INT. EVENT SPACE -NIGHT
Several people are seated in the audience. GM Net is seated beside Adira. Dates #1-3, Pam and Marcus are present among a full crowd of others, Dates #1-3 try to get Robert’s attention. They notice each other and give each other predatory looks. At the front of the room, Robert sits at a table on the stage. On the table are stacks of his book. Upbeat jazzy music plays. Marvin goes on stage and stands in front of the table.
VISUAL TRANSITION AGAIN
AFTER
BOBBIE
Okay.
Bobbie sits back down pulls out her phone and FACETIMES Dee.
MATCH TO:
INT. EVENT SPACE -NIGHT
Date #2’s phone taking a selfie with life-sized cardboard form of Robert. Several people are seated in the audience. GM Net is seated beside Adira. Dates #1-3, Pam and Marcus are present among a full crowd of others, Dates #1-3 try to get Robert’s attention. They notice each other and give each other predatory looks. At the front of the room, Robert sits at a table on the stage. On the table are stacks of his books. Upbeat jazzy music plays. Marvin goes on stage and stands in front of the table.
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Benito Selim’s Dramatic scene transition
What I learned doing this assignment is having a proper transition can really improve on the flow of scenes. Less is more often especially when wanting to have a surprise and/or shock factor scene. Setting up the next scene can help with improving the story overall.
ORIGINAL SCENE
In the original script when the girls got stuck in the everglades after their car sank in mud, they look for a way out, but are nearly killed by the alligators. The girls escape the alligators still pursue them. At the this point the pythons have not been revealed and only a snake conversation takes place.
I decided to shorten the dialogue and do a description that transitions into the next scene for the surprise/twist element. The twist being the python is of abnormal size.
RE-WRITTEN SCENE
EXT. SWAMP AFTERNOON- LATER
The girls swim to the bank and run out of the water, they find shelter under a tree. The alligators are not in sight.
MEGAN
I think we lost them.
LYNETTE
We bought some time, but they’ll be back.
The girls make their way through MARSH, they come to a tree where Candy runs into SNAKE SKIN as it hangs.
CANDY
Eww, what the hell is this.
KAYLA
It’s a cloth.
Lynette inspects.
LYNETTE
That’s not a cloth.
The girls question.
MEGAN
What is it?
LYNETTE
Snake skin.
Candy panics.
CANDY
Get it away from me.
Lynette grabs it and SPREADS it on the ground. The length of the skin is the same as all four girls side by side.
LYNETTE
This can’t be. The biggest on record in eighteen feet. This is at least twenty if not more.
The girls stare on in concern.
TRANSITION: The reveal of the snake being bigger than usual takes us into the next scene where Hal, the park supervisor sees it for the first time.
INT. MOVING JEEP- LATER
Hal speeds down the road, he SLAMS ON HIS BREAKS.
SERVICE ROAD- CONTINUOUS
AN UNKNOWN OBJECT LIES in the middle of the road. Hal exits his jeep, he leaves the door open.
Hal inspects the object, its a DEAD BOBCAT. It appears CRUSHED and TWO OF ITS LIMBS ripped off.
HAL
What the hell did this.
At the jeep, PYTHON #1 slithers into the BACK SEAT. Hal returns to the jeep to retrieve his walkie.
Hal enters the jeep.
HAL
Anyone copy me?
ANDY
Go ahead, boss.
HAL
I need you to get down to the east end. We got a carcass down here.
ANDY
What is it?
HAL
A bobcat. It’s pretty gross lets get it out, ASAP.
ANDY
Got it.
Hal puts his walkie down, he give notice to SLIME on his seat. He follows the trail to the back seat. The python jumps at Hal, it BITES onto HAL’S NECK.
SOUND: SNAKE HISS
Hal tries to pull away, but it’s GRIP is too strong. Hal with all his strength pulls the python away.
The python’s MOUTH WIDENS as Hal pulls away. Hal opens the door behind him, he falls out of the jeep and SLAMS THE DOOR SHUT.
The python STRIKES at the window, it SHATTERS IN PLACE.
SOUND: GLASS BREAKING
Hall drags himself backwards on the ground. Hal turns over, PYTHON #2, #3 and #4 surround him.
The pythons strike him.
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