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Day 7 Assignments
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9 Replies
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Judith’s Scene Evaluations Lesson 7
What is learned is to review scenes different times with a different object in mind. Do all one by one.
HIGH SCENES: 6-8; 17; 19; 22; 24 – 26; 28-33; 35-49
LOW SCENES: 27; and if 5 is low: 1,9,13,16
SURPRISE SCENES: need to decide when to reveal Rachel is guilty. I’ve struggled with this. Any ideas. Originally, scene one showed Rachel is out to kill. Then I thought, too soon. So, I’m still struggling with this. So scenes 1, 2, 27.
What I learned is rating scenes was confusing to me, but it seems necessary and every time we apply a new technique to our script, we see places to improve.
SCENE 1 – E5
OPENING: Emily finishes wrapping the paintings. Wonders what time it is. Checks watch. Where are the movers? Races inside to call. They said she called. Get out here or I’ll get someone else. Not here, have an important meeting to go to. Better do this right.
Emily gets a “return to sender” letter and she throws it in the trash. Husband proud of her.
SCENE 2 – I,7
Detective Thomas gets infor from the murder scene and from the nosey neighbor.
SCENE 3 – E7
Emily and Eugene sign the final adoption papers for Katie.
SCENE 4 – E6
Emily rejoices that the paintings have beem taken to the gallery for the show.
SCENE 5 – I -7
Emily takes a bath to get ready for the gallery show. A scratch scares Ralphie and he runs off. Returns hurt. Emily fixes his wound.
Column 2
SCENE 6 – I, E 9
INCITING INCIDENT: Successful gallery show. Rachel arrives baring flowers and a card from mom. Let’s be a family. Emily angry that she disturbed the show and should have come to the house and not embarass her.
SCENE 7 – E9
Katie rescues a little girl from a bully on the swing.
SCENE 8 – E9
Emily teaches art to her best friend’s 3rd grade class and we meet Katie and Lynn. Rachel watches in the hiding.
SCENE 9 – RO 5
Thomas learns from the coroner that the bodies are mom and Rachel. No id for Rachel. Still investigating. done it wrong. Misdirectdion clue her.
SCENE 10 – E7
PLOT POINT 1 – Rachel shows up carrying a “return to sender” letter. Emily is not friendly at first. Rachel profusely apologizes for hurting her all these years. Ralphie is not freindly to Rachel when she arrives. Gettogether later. I’ll call you.
Column 3
SCENE 11 – E7
Emily goes to see Dr. Goodman and finds he has been killed. His secretary gives her a journal with her name in it. Emily doesn’t read it right away. Is distracted by a phone cal. Forgets to read journal.
SCENE 12 – I, E6
Emily gets sick while running and playing with Ralphie. She goes to the doctor. And finds out she is pregnant. Eug and Em are so happy.
SCENE 13 – C5 (curiosity)
Detective visits rest home of mom: finds – Emily’s first name – pix of girls as kids. how much they look alike.NEED MORE HERE. Visit once. Sister big fight. Told her to stay???? away.
SCENE 14 – I7
Rachel shows up. emiy forgot to call. Shares with Rachel that she is pregrant. Rachel pretends excitement.
SCENE 15 – E7
Emily and Rachel check out the baby things at the Baby Boutique store. They have a great time!.
Column 4
SCENE 16 -I5
Thomas is going through files at the police station looking for Emily.
SCENE 17 – I,E8
Emily and Rachel prepare the baby celebration dinner. Emily tells Rachel how much she has missed her all these years. They have fun together. Rachel finds the art certificate Emily won, the art work she stole from Rachel and pretended it was hers. Rachel scratches it out.
SCENE 18 – E7
Eugene and Emily enjoy the dinner. Make love afterwards. Rachel has left telling them it is their special time.
SCENE 19 – E7
Rachel destroys the art gallery and all of Emily’s paintings. She saves one of a family.
SCENE 20 – I7
Emily and Eugene are still lovey dovey. He finds the scratched out certificate. Doesn’t say anything. He goes to work.
Column 5
SCENE 21 – RO,7
Thomas is dogged. he is determined to finish his last case before retiring. His Captain, his dear friend tells him to follow his clues and talk with the SF police when he finds the other daughter. Finish this case. Captian calls him a stub born old coot. your last case, find the truth.
SCENE 22 – E8
Emily stares at a blank canvas. Ralphie at her feet. She gets a call that the gallery and her paintings burned down last night. Freaks out and leaves. She is devastated at what she sees. Tries to call Eugene. No answer. Collects pieces of paintings not charred. No answer from Rachel either.
SCENE 23 – E6
Emily calls clients to see if they want their money back or a new painting. She tires and goes to the Barn/Studio.
SCENE 24 – E8
She takes the pieces of painting and makes a mobile out of them. Hangs them up in the studio. Rachel arrives and she learns about the fire and will take Emily to lunch.
SCENE 25 – I,E9
At the restuarant Emily sees Eugene friendly with another woman. She freaks out and confronts him and the woman. They take it outside and eventually Rachel comes along and takes Emily home.
Column 6
SCENE 26 – E9
Rachel pays off the actress for pretending to be Eugene’s affair.
SCENE 27 – E2
Eugene stares at the wall at work. He tries to call the investor and her number is not working. He goes to the restaurant and finds actress dead , overdose? He becomes concerned fo Emily, goes to house and she is not there.
SCENE 28 – E9
Emily stares blankly at an empty canvas. Rachel brings her a cup of tea. She tells Rachel she wants to be alone. (poison tea – Eugene discovers her fallen to the ground}
SCENE 29 – E10
MIDPOINT – Eugene and Emily have a huge fight. He shows her the certificate. Tells her she’s up to no good. Emily won’t believe it. She calls mom and finds out Mom and Rachel were killed in the house fire. How can that be? Rachel is here.
SCENE 30 – I,E9
Emily stares at the Christmas tree and ornaments trying to decide what to do. She decides to confront Rachel. READS GOODMAN’S JOURNAL HERE. MOTIVATION? laying around. looking for keys? falls on flour?
Column 7
SCENE 31 – E8
The Hotel Clerk tells her that Rachel has left.
However, she kept talking abut a place she went on vacation as a kid.
SCENE 32 – I,E9
Rachel freaks Lynn out at school trying to take her with the rabbit foot.WORK ON THIS SCENE. OTHER????
SCENE 33 – I,E9
The adoption agency calls and says that the adoption is on hold because Emily stole paintings and sold them as her own. What else could go wrong?
SCENE 34 – RO6
Emily drives to the cabins.
SCENE 35 – E9
She and Rachel have a big fight and all is reveaed here about why Rachel hates Emily. Fight, candles on fire, Emily knocked out and manages to get out with the help of the Winter Caretaker for the Cabins.
Column 8
SCENE 36 – E9
Rachel causes Eugene to have a freeway accident.
SCENE 37 – E9
Eugene in the hospital.
SCENE 38 – E9
Emily is driving home. Gets a call about Eugene’s accident. He’s in the hospital. Lynn joins her there and agress to get Katie from????party, where..Lynn tells her about the incident at school. Rache around too
SCENE 39 – E9
Emily stays with Eugene and the doc tells her to go home and get some rest. Her being at the hospital throws off Rachel from completely killing Eugen.
SCENE 40
PLOT POINT 2 – E10
Emily goes to Lynn’s house to pick up Katie. Finds Lynn dying and Katie has been kidnapped by Rachel and taken to Emily’s house. HOW IS RACH GOING TO GET KATIE WHEN THE ADOPTION AGENCY DOESN’T WANT EM TO SEE THE GIRL? HOW WILL LYNN GET HER?
Column 9
SCENE 41 – E9
Emily arrives home. Doesn’t find Katie. Finds Ralphie tied up. She lets him loose and he smells a jacket on a chair and races out the doggie door.
SCENE 42 – E9
Emily follows him and finds him digging up Detective Thomas’ body in the woods. While staring at the site, Rachel attacks Emily.
SCENE 43 – E9
Emily escapes and Rachel calls to her that if she wants Katie safe she needs to meet her in the Barn/Studio.
SCENE 44 -9
Emily escapes and Rachel calls to her that if she wants Katie safe she needs to meet her in the Barn/Studio.
SCENE 45 -9
Emily tries to find a weapon in the house, doesn’t. She finds one in her car trunk.
Column 10
SCENE 46 – E9
Emily sneaks into the barn. She sees Katie. Goes to rescue her. Gets her partially untied when Rachel attacks. The fight pursues in the mist of lit candles. Katie manages to get away. As the women fight, we see grotesque paintings on the easel done by Rachel but signed in Emily’s name. Emily escapes, but Rachel is lost in the fire.
SCENE 47 – E7
The barn fire is put out. Thomas is loaded onto the coroner’s van.
SCENE 48 – E10
Emily brings Eugene home. While eating dinner, the doorbell rings. The social worker has brought Katie to her new home. She is welcomed.
SCENE 49 – E9
Emily lays flowers on her mother’s grave. She says goodbye to Mom and Rachel while Katie and Eugene watch in the background.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by Judith Watson.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by
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Frank Gaide – Scene Ratings
What I learned: This is a subjective exercise based on personal taste in story types. But it highlights peaks and valleys throughout each character’s journey. It also reveals story pacing (slow/fast).
RESULTS:
Most ratings 8 and above occur at major plot points: Opening – Inciting Incident – First Turning Point – Midpoint – Second Turning Point – End.
Every rating 6 and below includes passive action and more dialogue.
These ratings correspond to a pattern of action scenes that demonstrate story conceits versus more dialogue heavy scenes that provide subtext. It’s quite a balancing act attempting to get the most out this pattern for the good of entertainment.
TITLE: THE UGLY BOAT
1 – (9) EXT. PENINSULA BEACH – CAPE COD – DAWN
As a powerful summer storm cuts out to sea a man cherry picks debris from a shipwreck left behind. A dead body rises into his face!
VO by young married man, Terri, explaining the danger of want for money.
2 – (7) INT./EXT. STATE POLICE VEHICLE – DRIVING – DAWN
Detective (Mick) McSorley (50) and his partner, Detective Boychuk (45) rush to the crime scene on the beach.
3 – (8) EXT. PENINSULA BEACH – MINUTES LATER
Mick and Boychuk join local Sheriff and Police and Harbormaster. They surround the badly burned corpse wondering who it is.
VO by young married man, Terri, ends.
DAY BEFORE
4 – (7) INT. LIQUOR STORE – SOUTH BOSTON, MA – NIGHT
Terri buys a couple beers and teases the old owner, Burt, by stealing half a candy bar. Burt warns him about his future path.
He sees Ronni being attacked and refuses to go outside and help.
5 – (8) EXT. MULLENS CLUB – SOUTH BOSTON, MA – NIGHT
Fitz (40) a brick shithouse and Stevo, a wily old goon (50) beat Ronni (24) with clubs. Ronni’s a big guy for his age. And mean. The beat down ends.
Fitz and Stevo enter the club.
Coast clear, Terri leaves the liquor store and meets Ronni and feigns any knowledge about the beatdown.
6 – (7) INT. MULLENS CLUB – NIGHT
Intro Red, the local mob boss, in shadow with his criminal gang. As they discuss how tough Ronni is, Ronni smashes Red’s car with a liquor bottle.
7 – (7) EXT. GRANARY BURIAL GROUND – BOSTON PROPER – NIGHT
Ronni, his brother, Terri (22), and Ronni’s young moll, Rose (21) steal Paul Revere’s headstone from a tourist cemetery. They plan to sell back to the city of Boston for ransom money… It’s July 4<sup>th</sup>!
8 – (6) INT. APARTMENT BASEMENT – NIGHT
Ronni, Terri, and Rose and hide it in the rear of a basement and leave to celebrate.
9 – (8) EXT. BOSTON HARBOR – NIGHT
Miles offshore. We get a first glimpse of Red, meanness personified, as he and his gang oversee a drug smuggling operation between two trawlers. One of them is named ‘The Ugly Boat’.
10 – (7) EXT. STREET – SOUTH BOSTON – NIGHT
Outside Rose’s house. Terri, Ronni and Rose arrive in an Uber, half drunk. Ronni assaults the driver and scares him away without paying the fare.
11 – (8) INT. MULLENS CLUB – NIGHT
After hours. The Old Goon stops beating a guy when Red and Fitz arrive. Red finds his hidden ankle knife and cuts the guy free for giving him needed information about the police drug unit. The guy is a cop. He thanks Red.
12 – (7) INT. ROSE’S APARTMENT – SOUTH BOSTON – NIGHT
Terri, Ronni, and Rose party with booze. Ronni tries to pimp off Rose to Terri. Rose gets pissed. Angry and threatening, Ronni goes to bed.
Terri and Rose wake up early morning. Rose scared she might have crossed a line with Terri. Terri scared to go home to his young wife, Kat.
13 – (6) HOUSE – GLOUCESTER, MA – MORNING
Izzy (40s) leaves her mean husband behind in their bankrupt fishing town for a train into Boston searching for work.
14 – (8) EXT. SOUTH BOSTON STREET – MORNING
Walking home Terri is chased by Red, Fitz, and the Old Goon in Red’s smashed car. They tell him that Ronni is a wanted man. Terri gets away, cursing after them.
15 – (7) INT. TERRI’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Run down. Used everything. His young wife, Kat (20), and disabled child, Bryanne (2) don’t believe he was working all night at the Boston Globe newspaper. This is nothing new. It’s destroying the marriage. He sleeps.
16 – (6) EXT./INT. BOSTON FISH PIER – THE UGLY BOAT – DAY
The same 40-foot trawler from night before is docked at the deserted pier: everyone home for July 4<sup>th</sup> holiday. It’s owner, Diesel (60), organizes crates/containers on the deck. He receives a phone call from Red.
17 – (7) TERRI’S APARTMENT- DAY
Terri awakes and readies for work. Kat is skeptical that he’s hanging around with Ronni and his scams again instead of finding a job. Terri fails to admit the truth about work to Kat. She warns him about leaving their marriage behind.
He makes a solemn promise to meet her at Bryanne’s doctor after work. They make up.
18 – (9) EXT. STREETS – SOUTH BOSTON – DAY
Terri, in his work clothes, is heading back to Ronni at Rose’s apartment. Along the way he drops into various ATMs to collect cash from a “cash trapping” scam.
Red and his goons apprehend him, take what little money Terri has, and beat the shite out of him.
19 – (8) INT./EXT. ROSE’S APARTMENT – DAY
As Ronni and Terri get high on the back porch, they decide to ransom back Paul Revere’s headstone to quiet Red. But the city of Boston doesn’t care if they stole it: they’ll just replace it with another one.
Ronni reveals a scam he’s working with Rose: listing stolen goods online, counterfeit luxury brands. But goods are hard to find. So he has a new plan.
20 – (8) INT. BOUTIQUE NAIL SALON – DAY
Rose gets a phone call from Ronni. Then she intentionally cuts off the tip of a lady’s toe to get out of work early.
21 – (7) EXT. THREE DECKER – ROSE’S HOUSE – DAY
Terri, scared, and Ronni, nonplussed, wait outside until Rose pulls up in an old SUV.
22 – (6) EXT. A STREET – SOUTH BOSTON – DAY
Red and Fitz pick up a duffle from an auto body shop.
23 – (7) EXT. NORTH END STREETS – AQUARIUM – BOSTON – DAY
Izzy wanders into the North End with hundreds of other tourists. She meets Diesel. They embrace/kiss. He tells her about Red. He looks skeptical, but Izzy is overjoyed. They buy a bottle of beer and celebrate lunch while sitting on a bench in front of the Aquarium watching seals swim.
(?caricature portrait / dance to a street performer’s music)
24 – (9) EXT./INT. BANK – NORTH END STREETS – DAY
Ronni, Terri, and Rose rob a bank. Escape into the tourist filled streets with police giving chase.
25 – (7) EXT. AQUARIUM – BOSTON – DAY
Diesel and Izzy watch the police cruisers race down the street. Izzy calls Lucca to tell him she’s going to miss the train. Lies that there’s a problem with police at the train station.
26 – (9) EXT. NORTH END STREETS – DAY
Ronni, Terri, and Rose run into a wall of tourists outside Old North Church. Sirens echoing throughout the neighborhood has everyone on edge.
Character actor dressed like Paul Revere sits atop a horse. It frightens and rears up. It causes Ronni to drop the cash. It scatters, lost in the crowd.
27 – (7) EXT. AQUARIUM – BOSTON – DAY
Diesel and Izzy exit in a pedi bike, arms wrapped around each other.
28 – (7) EXT. NORTH END WATERFRONT – DAY
Ronni, Terri, and Rose exit a café rear and run to last street before the waterfront. They stare hopelessly at Boston harbor and the fish pier below.
29 – (8) EXT./INT. THE UGLY BOAT – FISH PIER – DAY
Diesel and Izzy reach the boat. Izzy backs inside, kissing Diesel.
Diesel and Izzy kiss madly when Red and Fitz enter with the duffle. Red discusses their smuggling operation and gives them the money.
All the while, Ronni, Terri, and Rose listen and spy from behind a berth door and decide to overtake Red, et al, when they go outside to inspect the hidden bales of drugs on deck.
Terri is the only member who doesn’t like the idea, but he feels the need to hold onto his family is greater than backing out.
30 – (7) EXT./INT. THE UGLY BOAT – DAY
Ronni cold cocks Diesel with his gun and follows Red and Fitz out to the deck, while Terri and Rose subdue Izzy.
31 – (9) DECK
Ronni beats Red after being insulted and tosses Fitz into the water to drown.
32 – (5) DEN/GALLEY
While Terri and Rose search inside for weapons and money, Diesel’s cell rings. They secure his phone and Izzy’s cell.
33 – (6) FISH DOCK – GLOUCESTER – DAY
Lucca leaves a message asking Diesel to call Izzy and give her a ride home to Gloucester.
34 – (7) EXT./INT. THE UGLY BOAT – DAY
DEN/GALLEY
Ronni and Red return.
Red tied up. Diesel refuses to take the boat out of the harbor. Ronni beats Diesel until Izzy cooperates, and they sail into open water.
35 – (6) EXT. BOSTON FISH PIER – DAY
State Police Operations Command Vehicle trailer sits nearby.
Boston Police with dogs and bicycles surround Detective Mic and Boychuk (from opening scene) who order copies of all surrounding security cameras.
36 – (6) INT./EXT. THE UGLY BOAT – DAY
WHEELHOUSE
Terri and Rose guard Izzy at the wheel as Diesel recovers from injuries. Izzy offers to help them get out this mess. Rose declines.
37 – (6) DECK
Red taunts Ronni. Ronni pushes Red around while inspecting all the illegal drugs. Red behaves unaffected and attempts to talk Ronni into turning back before it’s too late.
Ronni orders Rose and Diesel out to the deck. They comply.
38 – (6) WHEELHOUSE
Izzy again attempts to convince Terri to let her contact police. Ronni orders them both out to the deck. Izzy puts the boat on auto pilot while Terri secretly observes her every step.
39 – (6) DECK
Red lampoons the situation. His way of insulting everyone individually with satire. Ronni reveals the drugs to Rose and Terri. Diesel is forced to get rid of anything that could be used as a weapon.
Ronni collects everyone’s cellphone except Rose and Terri and goes back to the wheelhouse with Diesel.
40 – (5) WHEELHOUSE
Ronni destroys the SIM cards. Keeps the expensive phones to pawn. Diesel explains navigational instruments, and they talk about where to go with little fuel.
A message comes across the radio that a severe storm is headed their way.
41 – (7) DECK
Terri inspects the deck, net drum, and steel plates. Izzy tries to befriend him about their lives and what they have in common.
Rose, curious about the fish pens, has Izzy and Terri join her to explain they’re empty. When they lean into the space, Izzy reveals a hidden flare pistol to Red that is concealed in a seamless compartment.
Red continues to lampoon Terri and Rose with threats. Rose strikes him.
42 – (6) WHEELHOUSE
Ronni listens for a police broadcast concerning the bank heist. There is none. Diesel tells him that the instrument they need to navigate is a GPS finder. So Ronni rips the wires from all remaining instruments, save radio and GPS.
43 – (6) DECK/WHEELHOUSE
With all weapons tossed overboard, Terri, Rose, Izzy, and Red climb the outside stairs to the wheelhouse.
Terri wants to know Ronni’s plan, but Ronni warns him to be quiet. Izzy taunts Ronni and Terri over who is in charge. Red laughs at their naivete.
44 – (7) INT. STATE POLICE OPERATIONS COMMAND VEHICLE – DAY
Detectives Mick and Boychuk watch security tape and discover Red with the owners of the boat and the trio who robbed the bank. They bring in the Coast Guard to begin a search.
45 – (5) INT. THE UGLY BOAT – NIGHT
WHEELHOUSE
Ronni guards Izzy, Diesel, and Red at the helm as they ride into rough seas.
46 – (5) DEN/GALLEY
As they’re searching for anything to steal, Terri confesses to Rose that he’s nervous about Ronni’s cruel behavior and asks her to talk Ronni into stopping. She refuses, unwilling to see the harm or change in Ronni.
47 – (5) WHEELHOUSE
Ronni threatens Diesel to remain on course and forces Izzy and Red down into the —
48 – (7) DEN/GALLEY
Terri and Rose retreat to the Den, cautious of Ronni. Ronni has Izzy search for food: no one has eaten for hours by now. While feigning interest, she overhears Ronni ask Terri if he can drive the boat. He plans to deep six them. Terri replies not yet.
Red badgers Ronni and Terri. He tells the room that he’s Ronni father. Terri turns wary of Ronni over the revelation. Ronni doesn’t trust his reaction. He hands the gun over to Rose and forces Red out to the –
49 – (10) DECK
While arguing, Red pulls his knife on Ronni. They wrestle for the knife before Ronni stabs him to death, tossing his body overboard.
50 – (8) DEN/GALLEY
Everyone is shocked. The situation has become very real now.
Terri receives a message from Fitz! He survived the drowning. He threatens to kill Terri’s family if Terri doesn’t save Red.
51 – (8) WHEELHOUSE
Diesel steers into the storm, waves crashing over the bow. Rose, Terri, and Izzy climb up from below. The atmosphere somber. Rose stares out at the deck.
52 – (9) DECK
Ronni straps life jackets to bales of drugs, a daisy chain. The boat suddenly jerks to the side throwing Ronni over the rail, but he manages to save himself from going over by clenching a halyard.
53 – (9) WHEELHOUSE
Diesel sharply turns the wheel. Rose slaps him with the gun after witnessing Ronni almost get thrown in the water. Was it a ploy? Izzy and Terri swear there was a large object in their path: Diesel turned to avoid it.
An alert from police comes across the radio. Diesel turns down the volume: Izzy understanding he wants Terri and Rose to not hear it. But Terri catches their act and turns up the volume. It reports, everyone on board is considered dangerous.
Ronni returns, angry, blames Terri, but Rose defends Terri’s action when Diesel tried to hide the police alert. He beats Diesel for almost throwing him overboard and orders him, Izzy, and Rose downstairs. Rose objects because they need them to operate the boat. Ronni takes the gun from Rose and tells Terri to operate the boat.
54 – (8) DEN/GALLEY
Ronni antagonizes Izzy and Diesel to have sex in front of him and Rose, punishment for trying to kill him.
55 – (5) WHEELHOUSE
Terri uses what little knowledge he learned by watching Diesel and Izzy and steers the boat. He hears Izzy and Rose screaming from the Den/Galley.
56 – (9) DEN/GALLEY
Terri rushes down the stairs to stop Ronni. Ronni threatens him to kiss Izzy because he thinks they’re “too” friendly. The bow of the boat rises like a roller coaster and slams down. Everyone gets thrown. Ronni loses his gun to the floor. He and Terri eye it, suspicious of each other.
57 – (7) EXT. FISHERMAN’S WHARF – GLOUCESTER – NIGHT
Police tell Izzy’s husband, Lucca, about the situation she’s mixed up with.
58 – (6) EXT./INT. THE UGLY BOAT – NIGHT
WHEELHOUSE
As the boat rides waves like a roller coaster, Ronni stands guard over Diesel holding the gun.
59 – (5) DEN/GALLEY
While making coffee, Izzy suggests to Rose they subdue Ronni because he’s turning psychotic with too much power – and he could possibly hurt Terri.
60 – (6) DECK
Terri is outside fighting the elements searching for more floating devices because Ronni used most of them to protect the drugs.
61 – (6) WHEELHOUSE
The storm batters the boat windshield. Ronni regrets tearing wires from all the navigational equipment. He wants it repaired. Diesel can’t do it.
Terri enters from the outside stairs from the deck. Ronni wants him to fix the wires. He can’t do it either and goes down to the Den/Galley to get Izzy.
62 – (7) DEN/GALLEY
Before bringing coffee up to the wheelhouse, Izzy, Terri, and Rose agree to stop Ronni but only if they don’t hurt him.
63 – (5)WHEELHOUSE
Izzy helps fix the wiring to the navigation screen. Rose returns to the –
64 – (5) DEN
Rose smokes a joint, worried. Gets high. Leaves with a bottle of sambuca.
65 – (7) WHEELHOUSE
Ronni drinks the sambuca. He accuses Rose of being high and worried: but why? Terri and Izzy are nervous she’ll tell Ronni about their plan.
Diesel gets the navigation screen working and Ronni learns what all the information means. He decides they ride straight past the tip of Cape Cod to Rhode Island, and through the heart of the storm.
Ronni takes Terri and Rose downstairs to the den/galley. On passing Izzy she warns him that they can’t be trusted.
66 – (8) DEN/GALLEY
Ronni accuses Terri and Rose of conspiring. Terri gets pissed and returns to the wheelhouse. Ronni rages to Rose. She’s high. He can’t believe she would betray him. He drags her out to the deck.
67 – (5) WHEELHOUSE
Terri and Izzy watch Ronni and Rose on the deck.
68 – (10) DECK
Ronni kills Rose, losing his mind.
69 – (9) WHEELHOUSE
After witnessing the murder, Terri backs out of their plan to subdue Ronni.
Ronni returns, fires a shot over head, and threatens to kill Terri: he holds him responsible for Rose. But he needs everyone to make it through the storm, safely.
70 – (6) INT. COMMAND CENTER – BOSTON COAST GUARD BASE – NIGHT
The search for the boat is suspended. Detectives Mic and Boychuk leave for the Cape Cod CG base and will remain there until the storm clears and search resumes.
71 – (7) EXT./INT. THE UGLY BOAT – NIGHT
The boat struggles against huge, crashing waves. It’s difficult to control for Diesel and Izzy.
72 – (7) WHEELHOUSE
Ronni discovers a second blip on the navigation screen that’s closing in on their location. It could be the Coast Guard. They attempt to outmaneuver possible contact, but the blip keeps following them.
73 – (7) EXT. SMALL PLEASURE CRAFT – NIGHT
A small boat, seeking aide, approaches the Ugly Boat.
74 – (9) EXT./INT. THE UGLY BOAT – SAME
OUTSIDE STAIRS TO DECK
Ronni engages the small boat with gunshots, until the driver flees.
75 – (8) WHEELHOUSE
Ronni enters from the outside stairs. A serious weather alert blasts from the radio reminding them they’re cruising ahead into an already deadly situation. He goes berserk and destroys the radio.
In a psychotic breakdown, he forces everyone to sing a rotating chorus of Row, Row, Your Boat.
76 – (7) INT. TERRI’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Terri’s wife, Kat, learns about the bank robbery via news. She texts Terri and tells him she and the baby are leaving him for good.
77 – (8) EXT./INT. THE UGLY BOAT
WHEELHOUSE
Ronni humming the song. The boat fighting through the storm.
Terri cries after sending Kat a return text: a desperate plea for her to find cash he’s been saving and leave town without him.
Ronni reads their exchange and tells Terri that he’s better off.
Terri leaves for the deck.
78 – (7) DECK
Enraged, Terri throws bales of drugs into the storm.
79 – (8) WHEELHOUSE
Globs of pot stick to the window. Ronni realizes what it is and storms outside to stop Terri. Izzy goes downstairs into the den/galley.
80 – (10) DECK
Ronni chases Terri. He loses the gun in the ferocious storm. But catches Terri and stabs him with the knife, leaving him for dead.
Izzy sneaks on deck and finds the hidden flare pistol. She aims it at the two of them. But it misses and starts a fire. She escapes Ronni up the outside stairs to the wheelhouse.
81 – (10) WHEELHOUSE
Izzy rushes inside. Diesel helps to barricade the door, but Ronni busts in and knocks him to the floor. Ronni is about to kill him when Terri appears through black smoke and clobbers Ronni over the head.
82 – (10) DECK
Terri and Izzy drag Ronni down the stairs and toss him overboard. He fights to survive but is eventually drowned away by the waves.
Fire consumes everything, including the wheelhouse. Diesel dives outside.
83 – (10) EXT./INT. THE UGLY BOAT
The boat explodes.
84 – (10) EXT. OCEAN WATER – DAY
The storm is miles away. Terri, badly wounded and burned, floats to a buoy with Izzy who is less injured. They agree on an alibi and to split whatever cash and drugs survived.
As the sound of a rescue helicopter draws near, Izzy forces Terri under water. He drowns.
85 – (9) CAPE COD BEACH – DAY
The storm is miles offshore now. Detective Mic and Boychuk stand over two more damaged bodies: old male and young female, identities unknown. Bundles of drugs washed beside them.
They see the helicopter approaching.
86 – (8) EXT. PENNINSULA BEACH – DAY
Same beach where this story started. The helicopter lands. Izzy is removed by EMTs and questioned by Detectives Mic and Boychuk who are only interested in what happened to Red. She plays the clueless, grieving victim on her way to the hospital.
Detective Mic orders the search for Red to continue.
87 – (7) APARTMENT BASEMENT – DAY
Kat, Terri’s wife, digs deep behind the Paul revere headstone and removes a satchel full of cash. She leaves.
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Day 7: Greg Kanaga – Scene Ratings
What I learned doing this is which scenes need the most work.
10. Ending
E10 45 years later Prof’s remains are brought home. All the characters attend the funeral including Connally, Maggie and their grown daughter, an Air Force Colonel with wings.
9. Resolution:
E10 Mad hears Connally’s faint voice over the emergency radio. A massive rescue is launched and he’s brought back to the arms of Maggie.
8. Climax.
E10 Chance and Prof are shot down and presumed killed in action.
Maggie believes she has evidence that Connally may have survived but is unable to convince the bureaucracy to do another search.
She breaks down at the officers club. Out of sympathy and to get her off his back Prof’s best friend, Mad, makes one last flyover of the area.
7. Crises.
E7 He is arrested again, this time for crashing a car through the base gate rushing the injured girl the the hospital.
Stripped of all flying duties he is put on a desk job. He cuts ties with everyone.
Maggie discovers she’s pregnant.
Maggie explains things to the Base Commander and Connelly is returned to flying. Not knowing she’s the reason he avoids her attempts to reconnect.
6. Second turning point at end of act 2:
E5 While Connelly and Maggie are on a date at an orchid farm, a little girl is hit by a jeep of drunk airman.
5.. Midpoint:
E8 Given another chance he and his front-seater, Prof, shoot down a Mig.
At the officers club he meets Maggie and they become involved. Things are finally looking up.
4. First turning point at the end of act one:
E10 After Connelly’s best friend and former back-seater is killed he gets drunk and decks a superior officer.
He’s jailed facing a dishonorable discharge.
3. Inciting Incident:
E4 Connelly is stripped of his pilot status and shipped to Vietnam to be a back-seater in the F-4.
1. Opening
E10 Connelly’s showboating in his F-4 fighter during flight training nearly kills dozens of civilians.
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David’s Scene Ratings
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Something that I knew already, my tastes in movies are different from most. I wrote this script as a dramatic, rather than action, movie, and the action resulted from the situations. I realized that the scenes I considered important (personal and thoughtful interactions) were not as entertaining as some of the others.
3. At the top of your work, post your results. What were your high scenes, your low scenes, and what surprised you? Most of the most entertaining scenes were at the beginning and end of the script. The action scenes were entertaining. Most entertaining; 1-6, 8-10, 13, 34-35, 50, 59, 72, 79-81, 84-85. The dullest ones were transitions to go from one group of scenes to another or information.
1. First, give us your beat sheet and make sure it is numbered. That way, you can easily refer to the scenes you want to change.
2. Beginning with the LAST BEAT (at the bottom of the page), rate it on an Entertainment Scale of E1 (dull) to E10 (extremely entertaining)Opening: pg. 1. Usually, it last 1 to 4 pages and should be as interesting as possible.
1. (E9) INT. FORT ROOM 1798 – DAY
The Inquisition is shown to be malicious, greedy, and intolerant by their mistreatment of the Aztec Indians …
2. (E9) INT. GOLD ROOM – CONTINUOUS
… and the fear of the Spanish captain of the treasure ship, the Santa Elena. The Spanish captain is showing off his new sword with a golden hilt.
3. (E6) INT. GOLD ROOM 1798 – EVENING
No one is in the room. The equipment is unused. Trash is scattered around. The Santa Elena is gone. A storm is coming.
4. (E9) EXT. DECK OF SANTA ELENA – NIGHT
The Santa Elena is wrecked in the Gulf of Mexico while carrying the gold to Spain. The Santa Elena pitches and rolls in a horrendous storm.THUNDER, LIGHTNING, ST. ELMO’S FIRE IS MAKING A STROBE-LIGHT TABLEAU OF DEMON SAILORS IN A WILD FRENZY.
A wave obscures the Santa Elena. The wave recedes…
OR
4. (E9) EXT. BEACH, GULF COAST – DAY
The storm is over. Waves still high, rain, seaweed, flotsam, corpses washing about in the surf. Lifeboats are drawn up on the sand. Survivors gather around a fire. They describe the death of the Spanish captain when he tried to cut a trapped Inquisitor free from fallen rigging.)
5. (E9) EXT. A GULF OIL RIG, THE PRESENT – DAY
A burning oil rig. Two trawlers wait near the rig. One boards riggers. Both boats pull away. One last rigger appears. The empty boat turns back. The rig explodes in flames. This is a news tape.
6. (E9) INT. PAUL’S ROOM – DAY
PAUL MOUTON, 18, watches a news tape of the death of his father. He is cynical. Framed newspaper articles about “Hero Sea Captain” are on the wall. Paul’s mother, Janet, tells him they are not getting compensation from the oil company.
FLASHBACKS
6A. (E7) EXT. SOCCER FIELD – DAY
PAUL AT TEN plays soccer in a game with other ten-year-olds. Paul Ten controls the ball downfield. He stops it, and an opponent rushes past him. Paul Ten keeps going. Two other opponents come diagonally at him, between Paul Ten and the goal. Paul Ten stops for a second and kicks it between the challengers, missing them by barely a foot. The ball hits the far pole and bounces into the net.
Fans cheer. Paul Ten looks at the spectators. His mother stands, clapping like crazy. Next to her is an empty seat with her purse saving it for the absent dad.
6B. (E7) INT. AUDITORIUM – DAY
PAUL AT FIFTEEN stands on stage as part of a debate team. The CHAIRPERSON and the TWO TEAMS OF TWO are in blazers and slacks. The chairperson is handing Paul Fifteen a trophy. The crowd stands and claps. Paul Fifteen looks at the empty seat beside his mother.
6C. (E7) PAUL AT SEVENTEEN walks by an athletic field where a baseball team is practicing. Some players wave to him. Paul Seventeen waves disinterestedly back.
7. (E6) EXT/INT. JACK’S BOAT AT DOCK – DAY
Paul boards captain JACK’s, 70, trawler, moored at a dock. Paul is deathly afraid of Jack’s pet Tarantula. Jack criticizes Paul’s fear and studiousness. Paul says it is stupid to risk your life.
8. (E9) EXT. PAUL’S SCHOOL – DAY
Paul sees Sandy, 17, an elegant Black new student, and falls madly in love with her. They have a lot in common and are immediately attracted to each other.
9. (E9) INT. CULTS DUNGEON, ABOUT 40 YEARS AGO – DAY
A dark, gloomy room that smells of misery and pain. An OLD INQUISITOR, evil beyond his old years, is talking to the GRAND INQUISITOR AT EIGHT-YEARS-OLD. The Old Inquisitor is dressed in his Inquisitor robes and holds a leather strap. He walks around the Grand Inquisitor Eight, who is shirtless and seated on a stool. The Grand Inquisitor Eight’s back is scarred with lash marks. He tries to suppress a whimper. He is fighting for self-control. He knows what will happen if he cries out.
10. (E9) INT. CULT’S HOUSE BLACK CHAPEL – DAY
The new GRAND INQUISITOR, 45, the boy above now grown, tells his fanatic disciples that they can only get to Heaven by obeying him without question. They need the treasure to restore the Spanish Inquisition to power.
11. (E5) INT. CULT’S HOUSE BLACK CHAPEL – NIGHT
The Grand Inquisitor gives his henchmen orders to find out if Jack is sailing. He tells Santos to get Paul to talk about the map.
12. (E7) INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY AND CORRIDORS – NIGHT 20 (2)
Paul is studying when the lights go out. He starts down the stairs but hears strange noises and becomes frightened.
13. (E9) INT. SCHOOL FOYER – CONTINUOUS
Finally, Paul reaches the exit door and opens it. He is attacked by Santos and his gang. They want to know about the map. Paul tells them nothing.
Inciting Incident. The Inciting Incident is the event in the first 10 pages that sets the movie in motion.
14. (E5) EXT. SANDY’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Paul staggers to Sandy’s house.
15. (E7) INT. SANDY’S HOUSE KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Sandy treats his cuts. Paul meets Sandy’s cousin, Syd, who is studying history.
16. (E5) 10. EXT/INT. JACK’S BOAT AT DOCK – DAY
LENNY FELDER, 37, a marine engineer, is with Jack. They tell Paul a Cult of religious fanatics, descended from the Spanish Inquisition, is out to kill the family to get the map of the location of the Santa Elena.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
17. (E8) 12. INT. JACK’S BOAT AT DOCK – CONTINUOUS
Jack describes how their family got the map. They killed the Santa Elena’s Navigator and stole the map before the Spanish Inquisition could. The family has not found the treasure because there is a secret to the map.
18. (E8) 12A MONTAGE
Santa Elena loaded and sunk.
19. (E8) 13. EXT. RUDE CABIN 1798 – NIGHT
20. (E8) 14. INT. RUDE CABIN 1798 – CONTINUOUS
The death of the Navigator and the theft of the map are in flashback.
21. (E6) 15. INT. JACK’S BOAT AT DOCK – CONTINUOUS
Paul doesn’t believe the story.
22. (E7) 16. INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY
Paul is doing research on Spanish history in Mesoamerica. His friends criticize him for not fighting Santos. They call him a coward and walk away. Paul tells Sandy there may not be anything worth fighting for.
23. (E7) INT. PUBLIC LIBRARY – DAY
Paul meets Syd. Syd tells Paul about the Inquisition’s role in the slave trade. Paul gets the clue that allows him to solve the riddle of the map. So, he thinks. The solution involves longitude that at the time of the wreck was calculated differently for each country.
24. (E6) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT DOCK – EVENING
Paul explains the solution to Jack and Lenny. They believe it.
First turning point at end of Act 1. But we need to be out of confusion and have a general understanding of the story.
25. (E6) INT. JACK’S BOAT AT DOCK – NIGHT
Jake and Carlos wait on the dock for a chance to search Jack’s ship. They reinforce their fear of Hell if they fail.
26. (E6) INT. MARINE STATION LAB – DAY.
JASON PEREZ, 35, a marine archeologist backs Paul’s idea.
27. (E4) INT. OUTSIDE MARINE STATION LAB – CONTINUOUS
Jack doctored the map copy, so the coordinates were changed, but Jack can correct them.
28. (E6) INT. JACK’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Jack and Lenny think about how they can leave port without the Cult following. They don’t consider Paul brave enough to help. Jack explains he was deathly afraid of spiders, and he got the Tarantula to force him to get over his fear.
29. (E9) EXT/INT. CULT’S BOAT AT DOCK – NIGHT
Paul is terrified, but he sabotages the Cult’s boat. He has to defeat Carlos to do it.
30. (E5) EXT. JACK’S BOAT – DAY
Jack’s boat leaves the harbor. The Cult’s boat is dead in the water.
31. (E5) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – EVENING
Lenny describes the search technique.
32. (E5) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – DAY
The sonar shows a promising tracing. Lenny surfaces from his dive, climbs aboard and shakes his head. Paul crosses out a square on the search grid.
33. (E6) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – EVENING.
Four days later. The three lie on the deck, barely able to move. Filthy, exhausted, unshaven, and depressed. The search is a failure.
34. (E9) INT. BAR – NIGHT
Lenny and Jack blame Paul for the failure. The crew breaks up.
35. (E9) INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA – DAY
Paul and Sandy talk. Santos challenges Paul to a fight. Paul refuses until Santos insults Sandy.
36. (E8) INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS
They are hauled away by Teachers. Santos tells Paul Sandy is one of the Cult trying to get the secret to the map.
37. (E6) INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA – CONTINUOUS
Sandy tells her new girlfriends, who consider Paul a loser, that she likes him.
38. (E7) INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – NEXT DAY
Paul is accused of breaking into the school and is expelled.
39. (E7) INT. MALL – DAY
Paul takes his anger out on Sandy. They break up.
Mid-Point. In the middle of the movie, usually, there is some kind of major change.
40. (E5) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT DOCK – NIGHT
Captain Jack is kidnapped by the Cult.
41. EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT DOCK – NIGHT
Paul realizes Jack has been kidnapped.
42. (E7) INT. CULT’S BAYOU HOUSE DUNGEON – NIGHT
The Grand Inquisitor threatens Jack with torture if he doesn’t give up the map.
43. (E5) I/E CULT’S BOAT AT DOCK – NIGHT
Lenny and Paul leave whiskey for Carlos.
44. (E7) INT. CULT’S BAYOU HOUSE HALL OF MUMMIES – CONTINUOUS
More threats from the Grand Inquisitor.
45. (E7) INT. CULT’S BOAT AT DOCK – NIGHT
Carlos is drunk. Lenny and Paul get Carlos to talk by dumping the Tarantula on Carlos’ head.
46. (E6) EXT. A BOAT ON THE BAYOU – NIGHT
Lenny and Paul approach the Cult’s dark bayou house.
47. (E9) EXT. CULT’S BAYOU HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Paul and Lenny capture the Grand Inquisitor and free Jack. Then they are all caught. Paul rescues them.
48. (E5) EXT. CULT’S BAYOU HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Paul’s crew and the Cult leave cautiously separate. Lenny burns down the Cult’s house.
49. (E6) INT. PAUL’S HOME KITCHEN – DAY
A family discussion. Jack reveals he has all the correspondence of the Inquisitor Navigator and a bejeweled cross. They are worth a fortune by themselves. The family debates whether to sell them and stop searching.
50. (E9) EXT. PAUL’S HOME ALLEY – NIGHT
Paul dreams he is stabbed by the Grand Inquisitor. He wakes up with the real solution to the secret of the map. The longitude on the map had a baseline through the Inquisition’s Chapter House.
51. (E6) INT. PAUL’S HOME KITCHEN – DAY
A family gathering. Paul says he has the secret now. Can he be trusted? Check with Jason again. The family agrees to one last trip.
52. (E5) INT. MARINE STATION LAB – DAY
Jason confirms Paul’s idea. Paul’s crew asks Jason to join them.
53. (E5) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – EVENING
Jack’s boat leaves the harbor. The Cult’s boat is being repaired.
54. (E5) INT. CULT’S BOAT AT DOCK – CONTINUOUS
The Cult has hidden a tracker on Jack’s boat.
55. (E5) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – NIGHT.
The crew begins the search. They discuss their future after they find the treasure.
56. (E8) EXT. STORE PARKING LOT – DAY
An attempt to kidnap Sandy fails. Sandy calls to Syd.
57. (E7) EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE STREET – DAY
Sandy sits in her car practicing introducing herself to Janet. She sees Janet leave the house with a suspicious person (the Grand Inquisitor). Sandy follows them.
58. (E7) EXT. CULT’S HOUSE STREET – CONTINUOUS
Sandy follows them to the Doucet’s house. She is hesitant to report her suspicions. She calls her girlfriends and tells them they can get unbelievable bargains on stolen goods at the house.
59. (E9) EXT. CULT’S HOUSE STREET – THIRTY-MINUTES LATER
Her girlfriends create a riot. The police come to stop it and arrest the Cultists in the house. Janet is freed. Sandy introduces herself to Janet.
Second turning point at end of Act 2. Usually, this is the point where the Protagonist’s plan has completely failed, and it looks like there is little hope.
60. (E7) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – DAY
At sea for four days. It looks like another failure. Lenny and Jason are diving. The Cult boat approaches. The attack begins.
61. (E5) EXT. UNDERWATER – CONTINUOUS
Lenny and Jason scrape rakes along the bottom to find the Santa Elena’s rigging.
62. (E5) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
Paul and Jack see the Cult’s trawler coming fast.
63. (E8) EXT. CULT’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
As the Cult’s boat passes over the divers Carlos throws out animal blood to attract sharks.
64. (E5) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
Jack guns the engine and just avoids being rammed by the Cult’s boat.
65. (E5) EXT. CULT’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
The Cult jams radio transmission. The Grand Inquisitor comes on deck.
66. (E6) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
Paul finds the ammo for their guns has been stolen. Their radio is jammed.
The Cult’s boat chases Jack’s boat. Shark fins converge on the divers.
67. (E5) EXT. UNDERWATER – CONTINUOUS
The divers head to the surface, but the sharks block their way, and they retreat to the bottom.
68. (E8) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
Jack and Paul head to the shrimper fleet. The Cult’s boat is gaining. Paul throws out nets on floats that threaten to foul the props on the Cult’s boat. It stops.
69. (E6) EXT. CULT’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
The Cult’s boat stops and clears the net.
70. (E6) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
Jack’s boat gains but they realize the divers are almost out of air and they turn back. Paul catches Carlos in their nets as they pass.
71. (E7) EXT. CULT’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
Jake cuts the nets before Carlos is dragged overboard. He ties the end to a capstan and pulls the boats together.
72. (E9) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
Paul frantically cuts his end of the nets free. Jack is knocked out. Paul is sideswiped. The Tarantula is freed from its cage. Paul panics and freezes, looking for the spider. He recovers and avoids another ramming by the Cult. But the boats are close enough for Carlos to jump aboard. Carlos knocks Paul down and takes control. Paul sees the spider and, overcoming his fear, throws it on Carlos. Carlos panics and jumps overboard.
Crisis. This scene is the point where the Protagonist has to decide the issue that began at the Inciting Incident in the first 10 pages of the movie.
73. (E6) EXT. CULT’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
Jake stops to pick up his brother.
74. (E8) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
Paul ignites the Cult’s boat with a flare gun.
75. (E5) EXT. CULT’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
The Cult members frantically try to put out that fire.
76. (E5) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
Paul steers near the dive site. He cuts his hand and swirls it in the water to draw off the sharks from the divers. It doesn’t work.
77. (E6) EXT. UNDERWATER – CONTINUOUS
Jason and Lenny fight off the sharks attacking closer and closer.
78. (E9) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
A shark from underneath Paul’s boat almost bites his hand off. Paul stabs it, and it bleeds enough to attract the other sharks.
79. (E4) EXT. UNDERWATER – CONTINUOUS
The sharks swim away and the divers surface.
80. (E8) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
The Cult’s boat is pouring smoke. The Grand Inquisitor glares at Paul. A Coast Guard helicopter comes.
81. (E9) EXT. CULT’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
The Grand Inquisitor pours a bucket of blood and guts on himself. He steps into the water. Sharks quickly gather.
82. (E5) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
Paul’s crew looks calmly at the Grand Inquisitor being torn apart.
83. (E6) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – EVENING
The crew is worn out. They almost miss a strong signal from the sonar. They figure it is another false alarm and want to head home. Paul sees the Tarantula, loose on the deck, and puts it back in its cage. Everyone is shamed by Paul’s lack of fear. They dive one last time.
84. (E8) EXT. UNDERWATER – CONTINUOUS
Lenny and Jason pull up some tarred ratlines. At their end, trapped in them, is the glittering hilt of the Spanish Captain’s sword.
85. (E8) EXT. JACK’S BOAT AT SEA – CONTINUOUS
Jason gives Lenny and Jack drugged whiskey. He reveals to Paul that he is one of the Cultists. Paul tricks Jason and defeats him. A wounded Jason falls overboard. Paul does not rescue him.
86. (E5) INT. MALL – DAY
Paul and Sandy make up.
Resolution. It tells us how this conflict will finally be resolved.
87. (E7) INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY, A MONTH LATER – DAY
Pal and Sandy are the heroes of the school. Santos comes in wanting to fight. Paul knocks him down with a book. Lenny, Jack, and Janet find happiness. Paul and Sandy wear gold medallions of the Santa Elena.
FADE OUT.
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Gregory’s scene evaluations assignment 7
What I learned from doing this assignment is that my beats could/should be more entertaining but they could/should be more consistent. Some beats are 5-8 pages whiles others are 1 page or less. This assignment really opened my eyes on the opportunity I have here if I just focus on improving each and every beat!
First my beat sheet, then my evaluation of my beat sheet in reverse (as it turns out, I had more beats than I thought!)
INT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – DAY
Connor leaves the house for work but before he does so his wife Mallory slips their wedding photo into his wallet. Seems like they are planning something special tonight
INT./EXT. CLUB – NIGHT
A mysterious woman seduces a young, suspecting young man from the dance floor to the back alley where she kills him with a knife.
INT. APARTMENT- NIGHT
Connor celebrates at his old partner’s retirement party. He gets a call and has to leave the party early.
EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT
Connor arrives at the murder scene where police officers Paul and Will keep a crowd back. Connor finds a long lady’s glove in a dumpster and bags it as evidence.
INT. GAS STATION – NIGHT
Connor finds and confiscates a security tape from the gas station across the street that seems to capture part of the murder.
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Connor gets Will to submit an unchecked Manila envelope containing the bloody glove as evidence in a locker at the station
INT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Connor returns home to find Mallory sitting in the kitchen, covered with someone else’s blood! Turns out their special plans were for Mallory to commit murder and for Connor to help her get away with it. And they are super casual about the whole thing!
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Mallory is very much in the mood. Killing is apparently an aphrodisiac for her! So much so she wants to murder more but Connor is worried that he can’t keep covering for her.
INT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – DAY
Connor and Mallory make up after their little fight and Connor promises he will be home for dinner at time that night.
EXT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – DAY
Mallory waters her roses as her neighbor Shannon waters her own flowers too. It’s clear these two are rivals both regarding growing roses and barking competitions.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Connor goes out drinking with Paul and Will, and at the bar he almost gets into a fight with a stranger. This is Weston who reveals himself to be a detective. Connor has too much to drink and forgets about the date night with his wife.
INT. CLUB – NIGHT
Slighted by Connor blowing off their dinner, Mallory goes out to a club by herself where she runs into Shannon and the young man she’s trying to seduce. The young man (Chad) likes Mallory more and Mallory decides to take him home.
INT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Mallory resists Chad’s charms, and when he comes onto her aggressively she kills him.
EXT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Will drives Connor, who’s too drunk to drive, home. Connor instructs Will to wait outside but then knock on the front door after three minutes to make sure Connor and Mallory’s impending fight doesn’t get out of hand.
INT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Connor comes in to the bloody mess that is Mallory’s murder. There’s a mad scramble to hide the body and clean the blood when Will comes knocking. They successfully conceal it until Will is gone.
EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
Connor and Mallory bury the body in some nearby woods. Mallory wants to leave one of her bloody gloves so Connor lets her. They don’t notice but they’re being followed.
INT. POLICE STATION- DAY
The police Captain Davis calls a meeting for everyone to be on the look out for a VIP missing person. Turns out that Chad is the son of somebody important and now Weston and all the cops are out looking for him.
INT. CLUB – DAY
Connor accompanies Weston when conducting interviews of the staff of the club where Chad was last seen. Connor does whatever he can to muddle the witness testimony. Connor also receives a blackmail note from an anonymous party demanding a meeting.
CABIN IN THE WOODS – DAY
Connor meets with the writer of the blackmail note, a strange man named Gummy Joe. Connor gets into an altercation with Joe and winds up killing him.
WOODS – DAY
Weston and Captain Davis run into Connor on his way back to town. Apparently Gummy Joe had set a rendezvous with them in the woods. Captain Davis’s lap dog Pumpkin Spice finds the body of Chad and alerts Weston and Captain Davis.
WOODS – NIGHT
A forensics team digs up Chad’s body. Weston is delighted with this latest development but Connor is morose, using the excuse that they have to tell Chad’s parents that their boy is dead.
INT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Deciding to keep their enemies close, Mallory and Connor have Weston over for dinner. Once or twice Mallory is tempted to kill Weston but Connor stays her hand.
INT. MORGUE – DAY
Connor and Weston visit the coroner’s place where the mortician gets a report of hair and skin samples collected off of Chad’s body along with a bloody glove that was recovered.
POLICE STATION – DAY
Shannon comes forward and reports to Captain Davis that Mallory was the last one to Chad alive. Mallory is brought in for questioning and she denies leaving the club with Chad. She calls on Officer Will to confirm that no suspicious activity was occurring the night he drove Connor home.
EXT. SHANNON’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Connor hops his fence over to Shannon’s backyard and plants the matching bloody glove in her rose bushes.
INT. SHANNON’S HOUSE – DAY
Connor persuades Weston to interview Shannon at her house, and there Weston finds the bloody glove in the rose bushes. Shannon is arrested.
INT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Connor and Mallory have Weston over for dinner again only this time Weston happens upon a class ring, which Weston recognizes as Chad’s. He says his goodbyes to Connor and Mallory but not before snatching two strains of hair from Mallory’s head.
INT. MORGUE – DAY
Weston hands Mallory’s hair over to the mortician to run a DNA analysis and see if it matches with the hair found in Chad’s fist.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Weston discovers that Connor has not been submitting evidence on previous murder cases. Connor catches wind of it.
INT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – DAY
Connor and Mallory plot to poison Weston.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Mallory delivers some rice crispy treats to the station and makes it clear to Will and Paul that they are for Weston only.
EXT. BAR – NIGHT
Having confirmed it was Mallory’s hair in Chad’s fist when he was murdered, Weston ambushes Connor outside his favorite watering hole and confronts it. Connor confesses to committing the murder himself but Weston doesn’t believe him. Weston has Connor drive Weston back to Connor’s house to confront Mallory.
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Paul, Will and Captain Davis all die because they ate the poison rice crispy treats meant for Weston. Shannon uses the opportunity to escape.
INT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – DAY
Weston and Connor arrive at the house but Mallory thinks it’s just Connor and she says some incriminating things. Weston asks her what her motive was.
INT. SCHOOL BATHROOM – DAY
In a flashback scene, Mallory associates sexual gratification with killing men.
INT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Shannon blunders into Weston’s confrontation with Mallory & Connor where it looks like Weston might just kill them both. Connor tackles Weston to the ground and winds up killing him. Shannon attacks Mallory for framing her but Mallory winds up killing Shannon in self defense.
EXT. CONNOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Connor and Mallory drive off, fugitives from the law but they’re in it together.
SCENE RATINGS:
42 (E3) Connor and Mallory leave their house, their home. Connor loads the car with Mallory’s many bags, takes over driving and suggests they live abroad. Some amusing banter and reference to the title.
41 (E9) Weston has Mallory tie Connor’s hands behind his back at gun point. This turns out to be a slip knot because when Shannon shows up Connor is able to tackle Weston. Connor strangles Weston with the rope while Mallory chokes Shannon with a rubber spreader – this is a nice payoff since that was a gift from a condensing Shannon.
40 (E6) Mallory, as a preteen, plays with herself in the school bathroom stall. A janitor comes into the bathroom to clean the floor, and when he asks her for her hall pass she stabs him in the eye with a pen. When he slips on the soapy floor the pen penetrates his skull and he dies. And Mallory has an orgasm.
39 (E2) Connor shows up with Weston who is holding him at gun point. Mallory calls out to her husband before she realizes who is which him and she is busted! Weston asks what her motive was and we get some background on Mallory.
38 (E7) While transferring Shannon as their prisoner Officers Paul and Will suddenly go into seizures and die on the floor; both they and Captain Davis ate Mallory’s poisoned rice crispy treats. Shannon can’t believe her luck they left her jail cell door open! She gets their keys, unlocks her handcuffs and steals a police car to drive to Connor and Mallory’s house
37 (E4) Connor drinks alone at the bar with Vinny the bartender while Weston stalks him, waits for Connor to come outside to confront him. Weston has a DNA match of Mallory’s hair in the murder victim’s fist. Scene with Vinny falls flat but more intrigue occurs when Connor confesses to the murder to save his wife. Also some interesting background on Connor and what his motives might be.
36 (E2) Mallory delivers rice crispy squares to the police station with the superior position that they are poisoned. Paul decides to lock them in the evidence locker as Will drools over them. Some foreshadowing but otherwise not too exciting.
35 (E1) Connor brings home supplies to poison a batch of rice crispy treats. Reference to an earlier scene when Mallory said it’d be hot to use poison. Maybe could cut this.
34 (E3) Weston opens the Manila envelope that is supposed to contain evidence that Connor submitted to find it full of shredded paper. Connor nearly walks in on him snooping but Weston acts casual, takes his leave. However Connor spots a piece of shredded paper on the floor of the evidence locker and realizes Weston knows the truth.
33 (E3) Weston brings the sample of Mallory’s hair to the morgue where he bullies the mortician into sending them to a lab for DNA analysis as quickly as possible. Too quick to be that entertaining.
32 (E6) Connor and Mallory have Weston over for dinner again only this time Weston happens upon a class ring he finds under a kitchen counter, which Weston recognizes as Chad’s. Intrigued, he keeps it to himself and says his goodbyes but not before snatching two strains of hair from Mallory’s head and pickpocketing Connor for the key to the evidence locker. Again.
31 (E4) Shannon is arrested by Captain Davis and Weston as Connor and Mallory look on from their front doorstep. It’s kinda fun, considering the superior position.
30 (E1) Weston hands the mortician Derek the newly found glove, says the DNA analysis results will take a few days. Maybe a pointless scene, least entertaining scene.
29 (E3) Weston received an anonymous tip to talk to Shannon so Weston and Captain Davis interview her at her home where Weston finds a bloody glove in her backyard. A little fun to see the cops manipulated.
28 (E5) Connor plants the matching bloody glove in Shannon’s backyard. Hope/fear scene that he might get caught by Shannon. Could maybe do more with this.
27 (E4) Paul and Will question Mallory at the police station. She denies being at the club/the scene of the crime. William was with her for part of the night in question but Paul is suspicious. Could maybe embellish this.
26 (E3) Shannon comes forward and reports that Mallory was at the club/the scene of the crime and was the last one to see Chad/the murder victim alive. Connor is taken off the case as a conflict of interest. Could make this reveal more entertaining.
25 (E2) Connor and Weston visit the coroner’s place where the mortician gives a report of hair and skin samples collected off of Chad’s body along with a bloody glove that was recovered with the corpse. Maybe could/should present more irony to make this scene more entertaining.
24 (E7) Deciding to keep their enemies close, Mallory and Connor have Weston over for dinner. Once or twice Mallory is tempted to kill Weston (depending on whether or not he likes her cooking) but Connor stays her hand. Weston also reveals that the reason he became a police officer was his brother was murdered years ago, and it’s implied that Mallory did it. Love this but might invoke too much sympathy for the Weston character.
23 (E1) Connor has a phone conversation with his wife where they try and decide what to do about Weston. Not that entertaining.
22 (E3) A forensics team digs up Chad’s body. Weston is delighted with this latest development but Connor is morose, using the excuse that they have to tell Chad’s parents that their boy is dead. Weston, at first suspicious of Connor, starts to warm up to him. Maybe should make Weston less likeable here.
21 (E4) Weston and Captain Davis run into Connor on his way back to town. Apparently Gummy Joe had set a rendezvous with them in the woods. Captain Davis’s lap dog Pumpkin Spice digs up a human finger from a patch of fresh dirt in the woods, and this alerts Weston and Captain Davis to the body buried nearby.
20 (E7) Connor meets with the writer of the blackmail note, a strange man named Gummy Joe. Gummy Joe wants Connor to buy him a bottle of horribly expensive whiskey so Joe can be a member of high society, but Connor refuses on account it would be hundreds of thousands of dollars. Connor gets into an altercation with Joe and winds up killing him. Connor has a moment where he cries to himself before he drives away.
19 (E4) Connor accompanies Weston when conducting interviews of the staff of the club where Chad was last seen. Connor does whatever he can to muddle the witness testimony, which annoys Weston. Connor also receives a blackmail note from an anonymous party demanding a meeting.
18 (E5) Weston pickpockets Connor and starts rummaging through some of Connor’s previous cases before Connor stops him. Seems like Weston and Connor will be working together but their relationship has started off on the wrong foot.
17 (E4) The police Captain Davis calls a meeting for everyone to be on the look out for a VIP missing person. Turns out that Chad is the son of somebody important and now Weston, a private investigator, and all the cops are out looking for him.
16 (E6) Connor and Mallory bury the body in some nearby woods. Some amusing banter about owls. Mallory wants to leave one of her bloody gloves so Connor lets her. They don’t notice but they’re being followed.
15 (E9) Connor gets driven home by Will. Connor then comes in to the bloody mess that is Mallory’s murder. There’s a mad scramble to hide the body and clean the blood when Will comes knocking. They let him in their house but successfully conceal the body until Will is gone. Scene plays out like a farce!
14 (E2) Mallory resists Chad’s charms, and when he comes onto her aggressively she kills him.
13 (E3) Slighted by Connor blowing off their dinner, Mallory goes out to a club by herself where she runs into Shannon and the young man she’s trying to seduce. The young man (Chad) likes Mallory more and Mallory decides to take him home.
12 (E4) Connor goes out drinking with Paul and Will, and at the bar he almost gets into a fight with a stranger. The stranger is Weston who reveals himself to be a detective. Connor has too much to drink and forgets about the date night with his wife.
11 (E6) Mallory waters her roses as her neighbor Shannon waters her own flowers too. It’s clear these two are rivals both regarding growing roses and baking competitions as they give each other back-handed compliments. Shannon gives Mallory a rubber chef’s spreader, telling her it’s the best. Later Mallory will use this on Shannon. Love this scene but could still elevate it.
10 (E2) Captain Davis comes into Connor’s office and informs him he’s being assigned a new partner. Pumpkin Spice, the Captain’s lapdog, yips annoyingly at Connor the whole time.
9 (E2) Connor and Mallory make up after their little fight and Connor promises he will be home for dinner at time that night.
8 (E3) Mallory is very much in the mood. Killing is apparently an aphrodisiac for her! So much so she wants to murder more but Connor is worried that he can’t keep covering for her.
7 (E6) Connor returns home, destroys the security video tape and find Mallory sitting in the kitchen, covered with someone else’s blood! Turns out their special plans were for Mallory to commit murder and for Connor to help her get away with it. And they are super casual about the whole thing! Love the character intro of Mallory!
6 (E2) Connor gets Will to submit an unchecked Manila envelope containing the bloody glove as evidence in a locker at the station. Will has also been eating donuts out of a box that is also in evidence.
5 (E3) Connor finds and confiscates a security tape from the gas station across the street that seems to capture part of the murder. Some intrigue about who the murderer might be and how Connor will catch him/her
4 (E5) Connor arrives at the murder scene where police officers Paul and Will keep a crowd back. Connor finds a long lady’s glove in a dumpster and bags it as evidence.
3 (E1) Connor celebrates at his old partner’s retirement party. He gets a call and has to leave the party early.
2 (E5) A mysterious woman seduces a young, suspecting young man from the dance floor of a night club to the back alley where she kills him with a knife.
1 (E2) Connor leaves the house for work but before he does so his wife Mallory slips their wedding photo into his wallet. Seems like they are planning something special tonight.
Ugh! Need to start my script much more strongly!
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Benito Selim’s scene ratings
What I learned doing this assignment is by going through each scene and giving them a rating, you can see what scenes will work and which ones need help. By isolating the weak scenes, you can fix the problem to make the script stronger.
BEAT SHEET
ACT 1
OPENING: SUPER: HOMSTEAD, FLORIDA
1. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE- MORNING (E6)
Protesters and media block tractors and construction workers from entering the site of a new housing development close to the Everglades. After recent attacks on citizens by wildlife, protesters believe the construction is disturbing natural habitat.
2. Marty, the site foreman shows up with the police to disperse the crowd. Due to the size, he requests the help of Sheriff Dale Randal and his department as well. the crowd leaves and construction continues.
3. INT. FOREMAN TRAILER- LATER (E10)
Marty takes a call from his client to ensure them things are ok. Alligator 1 bursts through the floor and attacks Marty. Marty barely escapes but runs into Alligator 2 outside and is caught, both alligators kill him, and his body is discovered by the construction crew.
4. EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS- AFTERNOON (E4)
SUPER: UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI
Kayla talks with her sorority sisters Megan and Candy, it is the last day of class before spring break. Kayla is new to the sorority. A group of frat guys invite them out to a bar that night, they all accept. Lynette, Kayla’s sister approaches the girls, Kayla exits with her.
5. UNIVERSITY COMMON ROOM- LATER (E4)
Kayla and Lynette discuss their spring breaks plans to go home, Kayla doesn’t want to go, but Lynette is adamant. Brian, a football player joins the girls and flirts with Lynette and Kayla. Brian invites them out that night, Lynette questions.
6. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE- DAY (E6)
Sheriff Dale arrives to the scene and speaks with local enforcement. Dr. Aaron Lender, a herpetologist arrives and is met by Sheriff Randal. Sheriff Randal explains the whole situation with the reptiles and why he was called. Dr. Lender takes samples of paint that is flowing into a creek bed that leads into the swamp.
7. INT. BAR- NIGHT (E7)
Kayla, Megan, and Candy drink with other friends and talk with frat guys. Kayla tells them she is going to bail on Lynette and go to the keys with them. Brian flirts with Kayla but reveals his true intentions that he needs Lynette to help him pass a class to stay on the football team.
8. INT. KAYLA AND LYNETTE’S APARTMENT- LATER (E6)
Lynette calls her parents to confirm the trip. Her parents inform her they were invited to a last-minute trip and won’t be home. The trip home is cancelled.
9. INT. UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB- MORNING (E9)
Dr. Lender and his assistant Janet conduct a test. Dr. Lender puts a sample of the paint on a lab snake’s skin. The snake become erratic and flips out in its tank, it kills itself. Dr. Lender concludes the paint is causing.
END OF ACT 1
ACT 2
10. INT. KAYLA AND LYNETTE’S APARTMENT- MORNING (E6)
Kayla sneaks about the apartment to avoid Lynette but fails. Lynette informs her that the trip is canceled and to do what she wants. Kayla invites Lynette with her to the keys. Lynette confronts Kayla about her alternate plans, the two argue but manage to put it aside.
11. EXT. APARTMENT PARKING LOT- LATER (E5)
Megan arrives with Candy to pick up Kayla, she informs them Lynette is coming. They are annoyed but agree to it.
12. INT. EVERGLADES MAIN RANGER STATION- LATER (E5)
Ranger Paul Banks arrives to work and inform by the office assistant that a popular Alligator couple has been sited outside the glades and in neighborhood. Ranger Banks investigates.
13. INT. MEGAN’S CAR- AFTERNOON (E6)
The girls get stuck in traffic and share gossip about the frat boys. Megan turns off the main highway and finds a shortcut to get to the keys.
14. EXT. LONELY HIGHWAY- LATER (E10)
A young couple is stuck on the side of the road surrounded by swamp. Megan drives past but no one sees the couple flagging for help.
15. INT. UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB- LATER (E7)
Dr. Lender invites Sheriff Dale to his lab and shows him the snake along with his findings. Dr. Lender informs Sherriff Dale it doesn’t have an effect on any other animals but reptiles.
MIDPOINT: The paint is causing the aggression in the reptiles and flowing in heavy amounts towards the everglades. The number of reptiles effected can cause large casualties if in contact with humans.
16. INT. MEGAN’S CAR- LATER (E6)
Megan informs the group they are passing the everglades and she is gonna stop for a bathroom break.
17. EXT. FLORIDA EVERGLADES VISITOR CENTER- LATER (E7)
The girls take a break from the road. Megan and Candy discuss their plans in the keys. Kayla tells them she knows Brian’s game he is trying with her.
18. INT. SUPPLY STORAGE- LATER (E5)
Ranger Banks is met by the park supervisor Hal who informs him about the site foreman killing. Hal instructs Ranger Banks to put out Alligator traps.
19. EXT. EVERGLADES VISITOR TRAILS- LATER (E7)
The girls take in the glades. Lynette shares some information about the wildlife inhabitants. Kayla and Lynette share a moment of mending. The alligator’s sit in a pond nearby. Megan and Candy feed them, but Lynette tells them to stop. The girls stop and all four make their way to the car. The alligators follow at a distance.
20. INT. EVERGLADES MAIN RANGER STATION- LATER (E5)
Sheriff Dale and Dr. Lender arrive to speak to Ranger Banks, he is not on site, and they are told to wait.
21. INT. MEGAN’S CAR- LATER (E8)
The girls makes their way out of the park but take a wrong turn and end up on an axis road only for rangers. The car becomes stuck and begins to sink, they abandoned the vehicle but are lost inside the glades.
22. EXT. EVERGLADES VISITOR CENTER- LATER (E7)
Hal gives notice to the Sheriff’s vehicle and calls to Ranger Banks. Hal is then met with Sheriff Dale and Dr. Lender who inform him of the paint’s reaction. Hal decides to close the park early due to this news.
23. EXT. SWAMP- LATER (E8)
The girls make their way through the swamp only to find they must swim across a river. The alligators emerge and attack them. They fight them off and get away. In the pursuit they come across snakeskin from a python (Python 1), the length of all four girls. The girls move deeper into the glades.
24. INT. MOVING BOAT- LATER (E7)
Ranger Banks along with another Ranger Andy Sims cruise through the swamp, himself and Sims notice streaks of paint throughout waterways. Ranger Banks is notified of the situation and to head back. Before he returns, he sees Megan’s car stuck in the mud. Ranger Banks and Sims investigate, Banks calls it in to Hal.
Before they head back, Ranger Banks retrieves an Arm floating in the water.
25. EXT/INT. RANGER JEEP- LATER (E10)
Hal excuses himself to drive down to the bank, he informs the sheriff and Dr. Lender to wait for Ranger Banks. Hal jumps in the jeep and makes his way down an axis road. Hal comes to a stop as a bobcat carcass is blocking the road.
Hal gets out of his jeep to move it, Python 1 slides into his backseat. Hal returns and is attacked by Python 1 but traps it his jeep. Hal then tries to escape but is met by three more pythons (Python 2, 3 and 4) and killed.
26. EXT. SWAMP- LATER (E8)
A rainstorm occurs and the girls find shelter under a tree. The girls realize they have leeches on them. Candy panics and accidentally steps into an Alligator trap; her leg is nearly severed.
27. EXT. WATERWAY- CONTINUOUS (E5)
Ranger Banks and Sims cruise by as they head back to the main station, the girls hear the boat. Megan and Kayla run towards the shore and yell for help but are drowned out by thunder and heavy rain.
28. INT. MOVING BOAT- CONTINUOUS (E6)
Ranger Banks is informed by Ranger Charlie Baker that a body has been found on the same axis road Hal was on was. Ranger Banks informs Baker he is on his way back.
29. EXT. SWAMP- CONTINOUS (E6)
The alligators resurface and pursue the girls. The girls find a tall sturdy tree with an injured Candy. The water rises around them, the alligators circle. The python make their way towards the tree unbeknown to the girls.
30. EXT. AXIS ROAD- LATER (E5)
Ranger Banks makes his way back where he is met by Sheriff Dale and Dr. Lender. A police block is at the axis road, Python 4 is dead as the half-eaten body of Hal hangs out its extended mouth. Ranger Banks informs Dale and Lender there are possibly people missing in the glades.
31. INT. SUPPLY STORAGE- LATER (E5)
Ranger Banks takes sheriff Dale and Dr. Lender to collect weapons. They realize the situation will call for killing the reptiles if they are encountered. Banks shows Lender the arm he found, and it’s confirmed it was an alligator attack.
TIME LAPSE–
32. EXT. SWAMP TREE- DUSK (E10)
The girls wait out the storm out in the tree. Lynette spots a storage shed in the distance and tells the girls they need to get to it. The pythons make their way up the tree to attack the girls. Megan is killed while Kayla kills Python 3. The girls decide to take a chance to make it to the shack.
END OF ACT 2
ACT 3
33. EXT. MEGAN’S CAR- LATER (E5)
Ranger Banks and Dr. Lender arrive to Megan’s car. Banks finds her ID and calls it in, both men observe the area as it’s surrounded by water. Banks questions where they could have gone.
34. EXT. SWAMP TREE- LATER (E8)
The pythons have left but the alligators remain. Candy’s leg is severely infected, she decides to sacrifice it to the alligators so they can get away.
35. EXT. EVERGLADES PARK ENTRANCE- LATER (E6)
Ranger Banks and Dr. Lender meet back up with Sheriff Randal and Rangers Sims and Baker. Banks, Lender, and Baker meet with the two helicopter pilots with a rescue team and gather weapons and first aid, they begin to board one chopper while the other circles the entire area.
Randal and Sims agree to stay behind with law enforcement to keep guard of the entrance.
36. EXT. SWAMP TREE- LATER (E8)
The storm stops and the alligators fight over Candy’s leg as the girls jump into the water and swim towards the shore bank.
37. INT. HELICOPTER- LATER (E5)
Ranger Banks and Dr. Lender fly over the area where Megan’s car was found. It’s difficult to determine what direction the girls went.
38. EXT. SWAMP BANK- LATER (E6)
The girls make it out the water and look up in defeat to the helicopter as it zooms passed.
39. INT. SUPPLY SHACK- LATER (E7)
Kayla picks the lock to the shack and the girls take shelter. Inside they find blankets, first aid supplies and food. The girls rummage through everything. Outside Python 1 and 2 make their way towards the shack.
40. INT. HELICOPTER- CONTINUOUS (E5)
The search is turning up empty and they are ready to head back. Ranger Banks informs the pilot that there is a supply shack not too far from their location and they should check it out just encase.
41. EXT. EVERGLADES FRONT ENTERANCE- LATER (E5)
Ranger Banks informs Sheriff Dale and Ranger Baker they are making a stop but so far, no sign of the girls.
42. EXT. SUPPLY SHACK- LATER (E10)
Ranger Banks, Dr. Lender, and Ranger Sims exit the helicopter towards the shack. Python 1 slides into the helicopter and attacks the pilot. The helicopter goes haywire, the pilot is able to send an SOS. The helicopter proceeds to crash and explode killing the pilot.
Python 1 slithers out of the fire into the water.
43. INT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS (E10)
Kayla opens the door to a ball of fire, she is then met by Ranger Banks, Dr. Lender, and Ranger Sims. The girls are relieved until they learn of the crash.
44. INT. SUPPLY SHACK (E8)
Ranger Banks digs out an old ham radio in the shack, it doesn’t work, and the group is stranded. Banks informs them there is a solid road that leads to the shack, but they’ll have to walk which will take hours. The group plans to fight with all they got.
45. EXT. SUPPLY SHACK- LATER (E9)
The group attempts to escape but are ambushed by the alligators, Ranger Sims is killed by them as the group retreats into the shack.
46. INT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS (E10)
Python 2 bursts through the floor and is killed by Lynette. Alligator 1 and 2 rush into the shack as Dr. Lender gets the girls out.
47. EXT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS (E10)
The second helicopter arrives to rescue the group. Dr. Lender and the girls get in while Ranger Banks traps the alligators inside the shack.
48. INT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS (E10)
Ranger Banks sets up a booby trap by attaching flares to two propane tanks, he rolls them towards the alligators and runs out the shack. Alligator 2 bites onto one and the shack explodes.
49. INT. HELICOPTER- LATER (E10)
The helicopter begins to leave when Alligator 1 re-emerges and grips onto the helicopter, the helicopter jerks hard and send Candy into the propellers tearing her to shreds. Dr. Lender grabs a flare gun and fires at Alligator 1, it kills it.
The helicopter flies off.
50. EXT. EVERGLADES FRONT ENTRANCE- EVENING (E9)
The helicopter lands and the group exits in relief. Python 1 was hiding under the helicopter and re-emerges. Python 1 attempts to attack the sisters but is killed by all the law enforcement on site.
SUPER: ONE MONTH LATER
51. INT. UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB- DAY (E7)
Dr. Lender presents the carcass of Python 1 to his class, he informs them they will examine the organs next class.
52. INT. LAB ROOM- LATER (E9)
Janet, Dr. Lender’s assistant dissects Python 1 and discovers hatched alligator eggs inside. Two baby alligators emerge and attack to Janet.
CUT TO BLACK
THE END
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Lesson Seven/ Scene Ratings/ Karen Crider
What I learned: I’m behind, because my computer went to the shop. Again. This lesson serves to awaken my dormant, left side of my brain, that left with Algebra, after I discovered imagination. To organize, scrutinize, and adhere to an outline with specifics, is too much like math with its formulas. I live inside words. A place where they take wing, with no hindrance or bearing, no stop signs to slow me down. Writing is like a race car with no speed limits, no cops, and nothing that doesn’t belong in a blur. So, this left me having to deal with structure. A+B= work. Something I’m not used to when it comes to writing. Thanks.
Karen’s Basic Structure version one
The opening: FOR THE LOVE OF PERCY, First 1-4 pages. The setup
LOGLINE: A magical dragon’s penchant for stealing invisibly, results in a prison sentence for his only friend, forcing them to go on the lam to outer space.
EXT. SPACE – DAY
E 7: OPENING LINE: Inside the vast corridors, and hurling debris of space blaze secrets too deep to fathom; of such, includes satellites, moons and earth-like planets, like Planet Freome–Planet of the Dragons, which intersects with the Bermuda Triangle.
INCITING INCIDENT: (First ten pages. Sets things in motion. Huge, dynamic change in protag’s life. Upset balance of forces:)
EXT. CASTLE – DAY
E 7: In the early morning dawn, smoke and fog cloak the castle towers and draw bridges. Inside its mountainous heights, a castle clings to the lip of a cliff. A place where the greatest density of dragons inundate its royal arena.
EXT. KING ZEBULON’S KINGDOM – DAY
E 6: The king’s ambles to the rose garden under the gaze of his sentries. They exchange amused looks, as King Zebulon picks a red rose for his queen.
EXT. – ARENA – DAY
E 7: ELEVATED: The day erupts with two dragons sparring. Their ear-splitting screeches and howls bombard the air.)
E 7: New contests take place. Strong competitions divert into intense entertainment.
EXT. JUNGLE – DAY
E 6: Fierce dragons stalk the jungle, uprooting forest and fauna on their way to invade King Zebulon’s, distracted kingdom.
EXT. CASTLE – DAY
E 6: Without warning, insurgent dragons attack the guards, infiltrating the castle, slashing even the VICTOR of today’s battle as the enemy knocks him off a cliff. Corpses litter the castle grounds.
EXT. CASTLE – DAY
E 7: (ELEVATED) NURSE PHOBE, (Sister to the king.) A magical dragon, that lives by the mantra: The hand that rocks the cradle rules the nation.
E 7: Nurse Phoebe is both royal aunt and caretaker to the infant twin dragons, PRINCE PERCY and PRINCESS ZENITH.
EXT. CLOUDS – DAY
E 6: Fearing for Prince Percy’s life, Nurse Phoebe holds him close. She takes flight to the upper atmosphere. The air is so thin, she grows faint. Dizzy. She hides Prince Percy inside the strata of a cumulus cloud, crying.
E 7: (ELEVATED) Fearing for Prince Percy’s life, she transports him to the upper atmosphere, and hides the tiny prince inside the strata of a cumulous cloud.
E 7: A tear slides down her face, splatters, and envelops Prince Percy He lingers inside the cloud’s atmosphere, cold and alone. He cries himself to sleep.
INCITING INCIDENT: (First ten pages. Sets things in motion. Huge, dynamic change in protag’s life. Upset balance of forces:)
E 7: Thunder claps. Lightning flashes, and for a milli-second, a portal opens. The prince slides through it inside the teardrop’s trajectory; down, down, down, spiraling faster and faster.
E 8: He somersaults through galaxies of stars and planets, invading space and time, ricocheting past forests and plains to planet Earth, where the teardrop implodes a mud puddle.
PLOP!
TURNING POINT: (A twist, a change of life. An enlightenment.
EXT. LINCOLN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL – DAY
E 7: Overhead, a red- tailed hawk scans its territory as something flashes to the ground. Its claws flare. Its pupils enlarge. The hawk torpedoes toward the puddle. At the last second, it pulls up.
E 7: Elevated: Overhead, a hawk scans its territory. Something flashes to the ground, imploding a mud puddle. The hawk torpedoes toward the puddle.
EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL – DAY
E 8: The hawk strikes something inert. Misses. Its talons raze the ground’s surface. Its wings beat the mud.
KERSPLASH!
E 6: NEW: DANNY GREENE, (9) a loner, foster kid running from bullies, slams the hawk to the ground. The hawk issues a blood-thirsty scream and flogs Danny’s face; its beak just misses his eye.
E 6: Dusty pommels the hawk, yelling. The hawk scrambles to the skies. Dusty collects himself, scanning the skies for the hawk. His hands shake as he retrieves the lizard, wiping mud off its face with his T-shirt. He gives it CPR. The lizard blinks.
E 7: ELEVATED: Dusty pummels the hawk as it scrambles skyward. Dusty scans the skies on the look-out for its return. His hands shake, as he wipes the lizard’s face clean with a corner of his T-shirt. The lizard blinks.
E 8: Dusty sneaks the lizard home.
BEDROOM
E 6: He names the lizard, PERCY, and hides him in a shoe box under his bed.
E 6: Percy grows fast and follows Dusty invisibly without him knowing. He also heals Dusty’s cuts and scratches.
DUSTY E 5: You can talk. You really are magic.
INT. LINCOLN ELEMENTARY – DAY
E 7: Dusty attends school, black and blue, from his bully’s beatings. His assignments missing, his glasses broke. Dusty’s teacher asks, who hit you?
E 6: He gives Toad, Slime and Willy’s names. She sends them to the principal’s office.
E 6: But the beatings continue until the day Dusty graduates from high school; no matter how fast he runs.
EXT. ARMY -FT. LEWIS RECRUITING CENTER – DAY
E 7: The day Dusty turns eighteen, he joins the Army. He goes to basic training at Ft. Lewis, Washington.
EXT. AFGHANISTAN ARMY BASE – DAY
E 8: After basic, he’s reassigned to a war zone. Invisibly, Percy follows Dusty from one battle field to another.
EXT. AFGHANISTAN BATTLEFIELD – DAY
E 8: Guns and cannon recoil: RAT-A-TAT, TAT! BANG! BOOM! Percy is hit with shrapnel and shelling, shielding Dusty time and again.
E 8: Percy heals Dusty’s wounds. He takes revenge on the enemy, by crushing tanks with one foot, turning visible, and roaring his rage to terrify the enemy.
E 6: After surviving war for months, Dusty finishes his combat duty. He returns to the states.
E 7: TURNING POINT: Dusty’ discharge enables him to return to his family. Percy believes he has lost Dusty forever. He decides to go to space to find his roots. Unknowingly, he finds his home planet, Planet Freome.
E 6: Nurse Phoebe, recognizes him as the spitting image of his father, King Zebulon.
E 7: Princess Zenith. (Prince Percy’s real sister,) has her debut, and picks Percy as her beau. The wicked king who murdered Percy’s family, denounces him. Percy’s ousted. Time passes.
E 7: Percy returns to Dusty’s cabin and finds him mourning his wife. Dusty doesn’t remember Percy.
Dusty’s depressed. His bratty, narcissistic, grown children have deserted him after he goes bankrupt helping them.
Friction sparks between Percy who’s used to taking whatever he wants, including a new car, which sends Dusty to jail. Percy breaks him out.
MIDPOINT: (The protagonist is forced to react from the biggest blow yet delivered by the antagonist. (In Die Hard, McClane throws a dead guy out the window and shoots up a police car.)
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING – DAY
E 7: Percy steals a woman for his depressed friend, Dusty.
E 7: Ann, a school teacher, with her hands full, turns the key inside her lock. Percy grabs her. She drops her books, screams, kicks, and hits at something she cannot see.
E 8: Percy reappears in dragon form. Ann faints. They take flight as he holds Ann. Her hair flagging the wind.
INT. DUSTY’S CABIN – DAY
E 7: Percy totes Ann indoors to Dusty’s cabin. Dusty is depressed, sleeping as usual.
E 7: Percy lays a semi-conscious Ann down on the rug.
PERCY (to Ann)
E 8: You’re perfect. Both of you are good at sleeping.
Percy leaves.
CRISIS:
E 6: Nurse Phobe returns with the princess. The nurse tells the prince and princess the truth about them being siblings. They can never be together. She reports, the wicked king and queen have died in a volcano; They want Percy to return and take his rightful place as king at a new castle.
CLIMAX
E 7: As they leave, the cops close in. Percy and Dusty escape as the cabin burns. Together, with the nurse, Princess Zenith, Dusty and Percy leave for space. As the portal closes, they get stuck in a gravitational storm.
RESOLUTION:
E 6: Inside Planet Freome, Percy is crowned king. Dusty is in awe during the coronation when a door opens and Percy escorts his wife toward him. They are both young again.
E 7: Overhead, inside the Bermuda Triangle, a plane drones. Aboard it, waits Dusty’s spoiled kids, now ironically lifelong citizens of the Planet of Freome.
–I gave myself higher scores when conflict was at a flash point or humor struck a chord. I also graded higher where imagery made an appearance. But then, I probably scored higher than others would have scored me. But I tend to think, if you don’t believe your work warrants a higher score, neither will others. I am the first to be entertained. So that’s where the buck stops. Phooey with formulas. Lol Karen Crider
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Leo Sopicki – Scene Ratings
What I learned doing this assignment is that I thought this was valuable, but I’d like a more systematic methodology. Subjectively, as I went through it, I was thinking that the rating for basically the same scene is impacted by who is in the scene – extras, supporting characters, main characters. In other words, if extras are in danger E7, if supporting characters E8, if main characters E9. If the people in danger are children, that gets a higher rating than adults. This is complex, but I like it.
HIGH SCENES: E9 or E10 – Battle Scene, Last scene in which Ben and Acadia are reunited, scenes where main characters fight among themselves, a scene where a likable character dies, or other extremely emotional moments.
LOW SCENES: E5 or below—People just talking, planning, debating, or doing something physical but unexciting and not threatened in any way. I need to find a way to punch these up or make them superfluous somehow.
Mini-Movie 1 – Status Quo and Call to Adventure
1. (E9) EXT. IRAQ BATTLEFIELD – SERIES OF SHOTS
American soldier Acadia takes cover behind a low wall. Insurgent in a room covered in Satanic images fires on her.
Automatic weapons fire strikes her position. Ben arrives next to her. Their eyes meet briefly. Ben throws a grenade, and they rush the insurgent position.
They break into the insurgent’s position from behind and shoot him. As he dies his body bursts into flame and Acadia reacts to a pain on her arm.
Ben looks concerned. Acadia shakes it off.
FADE TO
2. (E7) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
Thunder. Ben’s funeral. Taps plays against background of cloudy sky. Acadia is comforted by Bianca who tries to get her to make the sign of the cross. Pain in her left arm. She looks at and touches an old bruise on her arm which resembles part of a key. Her mind drifts…
3. (E7) EXT. DREAM WORLD – MONTAGE
Acadia and Ben in civilian dress laugh together in a beautiful forest. They say their vows in a wedding. Ben waives goodbye from a jeep. Acadia and Ben at ribbon cutting of School for the Lively Arts. Children sing and dance. Ben in uniform boards a plane.
4. (E8) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
Rifles fire into air. Acadia handed folded flag and sees momentary supernatural vision. Ben’s coffin is carried into Wilder family mausoleum.
5. (E7) INT. MAUSOLEUM – CONTINUOUS
Honor guard enters mausoleum and are frightened by strange sounds and movements of other coffins.
6. (E7) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Acadia tries to regain composure as she receives condolences.
7. (E8) INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Fabien executes a captive offering a tribute of blood to the demonic face glowing in wall.
8. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
A stone floor tile moves. From below, a demon rises, savages inside of school and attacks a janitor.
9. (E5) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Only Acadia and Bianca remain. Bianca invites Acadia to stay with her tonight. She agrees.
10. (E9) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – MORNING
Acadia and Bianca return to the school to find it vandalized with threats painted on the wall. Acadia screams. Bianca tries to comfort her but notices things that make her suspect supernatural events. Acadia calls police.
11. (E4) EXT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
Bianca passes Louis, the band leader, as she leaves. He finds students outside the school and tells them not to bother Acadia and to go home. They wander off.
12. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
Acadia halfheartedly tries to clean-up. Louis comes in and suggests that the attack is supernatural in origin. Acadia rejects this violently.
13. (E5) EXT. GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – DAY
Fabien, from a shadowed doorway, accosts one of the wandering students and gives him a gift to deliver to Acadia.
14. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – LATER Student places gift, a small statue on a shelf. Acadia hears strange noises coming from beneath the floor. She blames her mental state.
Mini–Movie 2 – Locked into Conflict
15. (E7) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Knocking on door wakes up Acadia. Students, parents. and staff enter, offer support and ask her to stay. They say they will help.
While parents discuss things with Acadia, Fabien bangs on the door and demands to be invited in, which he is by teenage student Mia.
As Fabien enters, he pauses as a memory flash into his brain of him as a young child standing naked in the middle of that room surrounded by Satanists. He continues.
Fabien tries to charm Acadia and makes an offer to buy the property. Parents and students don’t like him. Community asks her to stay. Acadia stalls on Fabien’s generous offer and asks to be left alone.
Bianca arrives and is shocked when she sees Fabien.
16. (E4) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – LATER
Bianca tries to warn Acadia about Fabien, but Acadia does not take the warning seriously.
17. (E6) INT. JAZZ CLUB – NIGHT
Mia meets with Fabien. Louis who performs there sees them together.
18. (E4) EXT. SCHOOL FOR THE LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Cab pulls up to the door where Louis and kids are cleaning graffiti. Cabby unloads luggage. Acadia has given up her apartment and prepares to live at the school. Cabby slides Acadia’s trunk over demonic tile.
19.(E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
Kids are performing on the stage.
Mia whispers something to one of the younger boys and he runs from the school.
Louis warns Acadia about Mia.
20. (E6) Mia visits her Mom and gives her wad of money. Asks her advice about Fabien and Acadia.
21. (E6) INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Fabien sits before glowing image on wall. Sacrifices a rat. One of Acadia’s students enters. Fabien rewards student with money and gives him a package. Fabien drips rat blood on alter.
22. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – LATER
Parent on ladder working on fixing lighting fixture gets bitten by a rat and grabs at electrical cord, gets electric shock. Falls.
23. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Emergency flashing light. Paramedics remove injured parent. Noah and other students crying. They share candy with Acadia. Acadia sits and sees vision of herself hanging.
Mia gives her a lead about the vandalism to investigate.
24. (E6) EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Bianca confronts Fabien, but he tries to recruit his old lover Bianca back to his side. She confirms her suspicions about his motivations.
25. (E8) EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Acadia follows up on lead from Mia and walks into an ambush. She fights her way out.
26. (E9) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Bianca finds Acadia making a hangman’s noose. Bianca reveals her Voodoo past to Acadia and offers to bring back Ben as a zombie to help her. Acadia suspects Bianca is crazy and fires her.
Acadia finds students who ate candy, sick and terrified. They tell her that Fabien gave them the candy. Now Acadia becomes angry and promises children she will not let this bad man hurt them again.
She swings the noose, knocks the sculpture Fabien gave her to the floor, shattering it. Throws the noose in the trash. Broken pieces of the sculpture glow with green light.
Mini-Movie 3: Standard Ways Fail
27. (E4) INT. SCHOOL FOR THE LIVELY ARTS – DAY
While waiting for police to show up, Acadia confronts Mia and tells her to get out.
Police arrive and Acadia tries to convive police of Fabien’s involvement. As they inspect the school one of the detectives recognizes a symbol burned into the door and promises to help.
28. (E3) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia construct traps and sets up cameras to catch vandals. Police detective sends a priest to help her, but she rejects the help. The Priest somehow knows things about Fabien and Acadia’s mother.
29. (E6) INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Detective confronts Fabien. He’s on to Fabien’s tricks and just avoids being killed by Fabien.
30. (E5) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia reviews video recordings on computer. She sees Bianca hiding across the street keeping guard over the school. She regrets firing her. She runs out to look for her.
31. (E4) EXT. OUTSIDE OF IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Mia thanks Fabien and indicates understanding.
32. (E5) INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NIGHT
Mia tells priest that she is going to tell people what he has done. He tries to dissuade her from the path she is on, revealing more knowledge of Fabien.
33. (E4) INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – DAY
Acadia goes to the church and looks for the priest. No-one know where he is. Acadia sees symbol that Detective noticed, carved into a tree outside the church.
Mini-Movie 4: Hero Forms a New Plan
34. (E8) EXT. NEAR SCHOOL FOR THE LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Acadia waits for Bianca. When she arrives, agrees to try things her way, as a rapprochement. She doesn’t believe this will work, but she wants Bianca’s help. Bianca agrees, but seems distant.
35. (E8) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Acadia asks why she has watched. Bianca reveals some things about Fabien, but fears Acadia will reject her again.
36. (E7) EXT. COMMUNITY GARDEN – NIGHT
Bianca is out gathering supplies for the ceremony when she is confronted by Fabien. He offers to restore her youth and be with her forever. She rejects his offer; knows he wants to control the demon portal to take revenge on the city. She knows how to keep him at bay.
37. (E7) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – NIGHT
Acadia and Bianca enter Wilder family mausoleum.
38. (E7) INT. WILDER FAMILY MAUSOLEUM – CONTINUOUS
Bianca performs ceremony. When Ben reappears, Acadia thinks she’s gone mad and asks for proof. Ben shares with her things Bianca could not have known.
39. (E4) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
They debate over a plan to attack Fabien. The plan is vague, and Ben seems confused and spaced out.
40. (E6) EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
They attempt to scale tower to get to vampire vault. They are attacked by Gargoyle like creatures. Ben almost drops Acadia. Attack fails.
41. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
They retreat to the school defeated. Ben takes blame, not as strong as he used to be. The sculpture that Acadia shattered has somehow reassembled.
MID-POINT TURNING POINT: PLAN FAILS
MINI-MOVIE 5 – HERO RETREATS, ANTAGONIST PREVAILS – PAGES 60 — 75
42. (E4) EXT. STREET – NIGHT
While watching the In the Dark Club, Ben proposes to Acadia and Bianca that they bring back his ancestors who have fought in every war since the American Revolution.
Bianca has never tried to pull off something this big. She needs help. Convinces Acadia to go all in on the spirit world.
43. (E4) INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Fabien realizes what Bianca has done. He calls his minions together and sets a trap.
44. (E7) EXT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Students perform for tourists walking by. Noah dressed like a knight. Fabien springs his trap, luring Acadia and Bianca into a tourist bus. He mocks them in front of the students and recruits some students. Fabien again demands Acadia sign over her property and she still refuses.
Noah creates distraction by driving his sword into the radiator of the bus, making it look like a cross. Acadia and Bianca escape.
Fabien leaves, but several parents also leave, saying the school is too dangerous. Acadia is losing support in the community.
45. (E7) Acadia goes into voodoo “basic training”. Signs that she used to have faith. Under stress, she appears on the edge of insanity, and wanders off exploring her new powers. Ben and Bianca have to hunt her down and get her under control.
46. (E7) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – NIGHT
Bianca and Acadia perform ceremony. Ben’s relatives are raised: Soldiers from Revolutionary, Civil War (north and south), WWI, WWII, Vietnam. New zombies are confused and begin to fight among themselves. Revolutionary and Civil War soldiers think they are enemies. Acadia quashes squabbling among Ben’s ancestors and takes command.
47. (E5) INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Fabien performs ceremony asking his mentor for advice on dealing with zombies. Mentor can become powerful again if Fabien can control school and the cursed portal. Fabien will get revenge on New Orleans.
48. (E7) EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Acadia leads direct assault against club, but demons, thugs, and vampires drive them off. Acadia and Bianca nearly fall to demons, but Gomez saves them, losing his life in the process.
49. (E8) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Someone obliterated WWI Zombie left to guard the school and Acadia’s trunk has been dumped. She recognizes a torn package which includes a picture of her mom and her mom’s crucifix, which she takes and puts on.
TURNING POINT: THE DECISION TO CHANGE
MINI-MOVIE 6 – HERO’S BIGGER, BETTER PLAN! – PAGES 75 — 90
50. (E8) INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NIGHT
Acadia enters pew and prays. Missing Priest comes out of hiding, gives her a map showing portal upon which her school rests. Reveals curse. Shows her bruise on his wrist.
Tells her he is her father, but she misunderstands.
Transfers bruise from his wrist, and power to Acadia. Bruise on her wrist becomes sharp like a tattoo of a key. As he walks away, he busts into flames.
51. (E5) INT. MAUSOLEUM – NIGHT
Fabien conducts false flag operation, taking advantages of the zombie’s prejudices, making them think they are being used for evil.
52. (E6) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – NIGHT
Confederate and Union zombies fight among themselves
Acadia and Ben arrive, restore order. Explain plan. Zombies express regret at being brought back. Acadia appeals again for their help.
53. (E4) EXT. BEHIND GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Truck pulls up with supplies, Acadia driving. She unloads boxes, getting access to the club.
54. (E6) INT. BACKROOM GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Acadia hides, searches for coffins. Notices rotting beams in tower, almost falling off of one. Locates coffins. Places explosive. As she leaves, she is observed by Mia.
55. (E1) EXT. STREET NEAR GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Acadia and Ben waiting to hear explosion.
56. (E8) EXT. ROOF OF GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Mia appears with explosive and throws it down to street.
57. (E9) EXT. STREET NEAR GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Explosion destroys cars and hurts people. Panic. Police arriving.
58. (E10) EXT. STREET NEAR GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Acadia helps wounded. Finds her favorite student, Noah, dying.
59. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Acadia tells Ben all is lost. Wants to leave. Ben’s zombie relatives appear and ask to be released back to the spirit world.
TURNING POINT: THE ULTIMATE FAILURE
MINI-MOVIE 7 – CRISIS AND CLIMAX – PAGES 90 – 105
60. (E6) EXT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Sign: Farewell Concert – School Closing. Sad families and kids enter. Bianca tells them Acadia will be there soon. Time to say goodbye. Some students and parents still don’t want her to go and not everyone knows she has been fighting Fabien.
61. (E6) INT. MAUSOLEUM – DAY
Acadia thanking Ben and his relatives. Door slammed shut. Locked from outside by Fabien minion.
Acadia and Ben struggle with door.
62. (E7) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
As kids perform, smoke emerges from around demonic tile on floor. Kids and parents pass out.
63. (E4) INT. MAUSOLEUM – DAY
Revolutionary war zombie opens door with sword. Gives sword to Ben.
64. (E7) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia rushes in. Everyone gone. Sculpture delivers message from Fabien. Has children, will kill them unless Acadia signs over her property and sets off a bomb during a Mardi Gras parade
Acadia and Ben hatch new plan and give it one last try.
65. (E5) INT. MAUSOLEUM – DAY
Acadia and Ben look for Bianca and find zombies decided not to be released and are still there. New plan.
66. (E4) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia makes reservation for bachelor party.
MINI-MOVIE 8 – NEW STATUS QUO – PAGES 105 – 120
67. (E6) INT. FOYER OF GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Acadia and team arrive in masks for bachelor party. Some masks conceal military style radios. Bouncer wants them to pass through metal detector. Bianca knocks out bouncer.
68. (E5) INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Soldier/Zombies are entertained. Dancers discover peculiar guests and realize they are performing for Zombies. Look for Fabien. Not there. Vampires out hunting.
69. (E7) INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB TOWER- NIGHT
Acadia discovers imprisoned kids. Radios Ben their location and asks for help.
70. (E6) INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Ben and relatives start up stairs, but dancers turn demonic, and they must fight their way toward kids.
71. (E6) INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB TOWER – NIGHT
Acadia finds vampire coffins. Attaches explosives to rotting beam. The trap is set to destroy the vampires, but kids are still in the building. Have to wait.
72. (E2) EXT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAWN
Bats fly in through window.
73. (E8) INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB TOWER – DAWN
Bats surround Acadia and take on vampire form. Mia rushes in from adjacent room. They threaten and hurt Acadia. Mia tries to defend Acadia and Fabien kills Mia.
As Vampires taunt her, Acadia hears radio message from Ben. Kids are safe. Acadia sets off explosives, collapsing roof, roasting vampires, burying herself in rubble.
74. (E8) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia’s wake. Community in attendance.
Bianca begins voodoo chant to bring her back. Ben does not want to watch and walks into next room. Fabien emerges through floor in gaseous form and turns into vampire/zombie.
Fabien threatens attendees, backing them into a corner, promising to give them a horrible death. He then turns to Acadia’s body.
Zombie Fabien holds hand over Acadia’s body and key bruise/tattoo transfers from her wrist to his. Acadia’s body bursts into flame. Fabien looks triumphant just before Ben cuts off his head with revolutionary war sword, destroying him. Key bruise/tattoo disappears from Fabien’s wrist, and demonic tile in floor fuses with surrounding stone and demon picture fades away.
Only Ben and Bianca remain in room. Bianca says Acadia cannot be brought back.
75. (E6) INT. MAUSOLEUM – NIGHT
Bianca performs voodoo to release Ben’s spirit from his body. The spirit is freed as the body turns to dust. It is time for Ben to go home. He is alone. He feels the loss that Acadia felt. It his time to be lonely.
76. (E10) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Ben’s spirit exits the mausoleum and sees Acadia’s spirit waiting. They embrace. They walk off hand-in-hand to music played by spirits of New Orleans jazz greats.
TURNING POINT: NEW STATUS QUO
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Hi Cheryl,
I got lesson 7 and 8 mixed up. The one posted already belongs to lesson 8. The one I have included here belongs in lesson 7. So sorry for the mix up. Is there any way to fix things?
Heather
Assignment 7 beats and assigning them value.
What I learned from doing this. I got a clear picture of where I needed to work on the script.
1.V7 Father John Ambrose is dying of Kidney cancer. He must ask forgiveness from the boy he abused in a Residential school if he wants absolution for his sins.
2 V7. Father Ambrose confesses the headmaster of the school not only abused the children, he murdered them as well. Ambrose knows where the bodies are buried.
3.V7 Bishop DeGaul And Ambrose head to the Cree Reservation affected by the school, to try and make things right. The Vatican sends a Lawyer, Cardinal Angelino, to counter the Cree’s demands for restitution, unaware Father Ambrose is acting as their witness.
4.V6 163 bodies are unearthed from a pit beneath the stairs of the school. Jody Youngblood (Father Ambrose’s young victim) now much older, is too distressed to identify the remains.
5.V8 On the way to the Reservation, all three Priests are attacked by a gang of young teens out for revenge. The Chief’s son, Joe, pulls a knife on Angelino. Joe is arrested.
6. V 3 The Priests stay at the Chief’s house. The reservation is as divided as the Chief’s family. Some want to move on, some want restitution.
7. V 4 Ambrose and Joe strike up a friendship. They are both guys from the hard side of the street, with quick tempers. Ambrose shares a secret with Joe, he has a box of photos stashed in a secret spot at the school. He’s just too sick to get them. Joe vows he’ll bring them to court as part of his way of making amends for pulling a knife on Angelino if Ambrose will come to a healing ceremony at a sweat lodge run by Joseph His Spirit Falls From The Sky.
8. V 4 At the sweat ceremony Ambrose sees how bad Jody’s PTSD is from being locked in the tiny cupboard so many years ago. He tries to apologize but Jody refuses to hear him. The Chief explains Ambrose has to live with that if he chooses not to forgive him. Ambrose is gutted.
9. V 4 Since Jody is being stubborn, his daughter and the Chief decide he should be the one to drive Ambrose on the long journey to the hospital for dialysis before Christmas. They take his daughter, Willa’s, old truck. It dies on a forest service road in the middle of nowhere in a blizzard.
10 V 5 Jody builds a shelter to wait out the weather. Ambrose hasn’t told anyone his IV port has gone septic and he’s got a serious infection. Jody has to use every bit of knowledge he knows to get Ambrose through the night alive.
11. V 5 Search and rescue find them and get them to the hospital where Ambrose is stabilized.
12. V 10 Just when it looks like Ambrose is going to be OK, one of Angelino’s aides poisons Ambrose so he can’t testify. Jody decides to donate one of his kidneys so Ambrose can pull though. When Ambrose asks why, Jody says “I forgave you.”
13. V 6 Angelino threatens DeGaul, vowing to rip away his position of Bishop and bust him back to a mere priest if Ambrose testifies. DeGaul calls his bluff .by resigning.
14.V! 10 The day of court dawns, the press amasses but no one is allowed in except those involved. Ambrose gives his testimony.
15 V 10 Joe goes for the box of Photos, but Angelino’s other aide is right behind him. Joe leads him to a canyon and almost dies but manages to make it to court and present the hard evidence the Judge needs. The Cree Nation wins their case.
16. V 10 Ambrose chooses to die out in the forest where he can feel God all around him. DeGaul renounces his position in the church, choosing to be a simple priest instead. Jody suggests he come be the priest at the reservation since they need one.
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