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Day 6 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
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10 Replies
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Cameron Martin’s Dialogue Structures
What I learned doing this assignment is…How to give my dialogue a structure that can fit into any circumstance, regardless of the length of the exchange. I wasn’t sure at first how to write this filler or bridge. The thought of just cutting dialogue all together definitely entered my mind. But by being more aware in my use of “Metaphoric Dialogue,” and blending it with “Two different conversations at the same time” and “Circular Dialogue” I was able to reveal a little more character, give the scene more subtext and meaning, while also keeping it sounding natural. While it’s not a particularly long exchange like many of Sorkin’s examples, keeping the structure in mind allows me to still do a lot with it. I’m going to have to use this strategy, along with the rest of the Advanced Dialogue module, in rewriting many of the scenes I wrote in the earlier modules, particularly the scenes involving Jude.
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INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
SULLY and ISAIAH run into their apartment.
Behind them, plodding footsteps of SOMETHING running.
Sully slams the door and locks the bolt shut.
BAM! The door is like a drum, and whatever is on the other side is like a metal drummer. BAM! BAM! BAM!
The door holds steady.
Sully keeps his arm between Isaiah and the banging door.
Behind them, a subtle sound chimes in – something clinking, cracking…
Sully turns his head toward the source of the sound, trying to pick it out from the intense banging echoing into the room.
It’s coming from Isaiah’s room.
ISAIAH
Dad, I’m really sorry.
SULLY
Just stay behind me.
ISAIAH
I just thought if I could get to know him better, then I’d be able to help.
SULLY
And just who have you been helping?
THE CRASH OF GLASS SHATTERING.
ISAIAH
He was lost, and, and…he’s not bad at all. Just misunderstood.
IT slithers out from Isaiah’s bed, a monster of a worm.
Isaiah sidesteps away, as the worm is drawn to the viscous banging at the front door.
ISAIAH
(whispering)
Just do what I do. The banging—
Before Isaiah can finish, the latch on the door audibly snaps.
SULLY
(Grabbing Isaiah)
Get behind me!
Sully football carrie’s his son into his room…
Kicking the door closed.
He plummets, son in arms, behind his bed.
The drumming of the door continues on Sully’s door.
Sully gets up to carry Isaiah to the adjacent restroom…
And sees Isaiah’s pet worm squeezing and slithering underneath the door.
Sully drops back down…
To his son with a finger over his mouth – Be quiet.
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DAY 6 Dialogue Structures
Lisa’s Dialogue Structures
What I learned is adding the dialogue structures keeps the scene moving and keeps the audience engaged.
Scene from “Mary’s Wonderful Christmas”
FADE UP on the outside of a beautiful rustic building. The sign on the outside says, “Seneca Falls Winery”. MARY WINTERS drives up in her mini-van and goes inside the main entrance.
CUT TO
INT-SENECA FALLS WINERY OFFICE-DAY
Mary walks into the office, takes off her jacket and puts down her purse on her desk. ANNIE LEE, a married 34-year-old, and Mary’s best friend since elementary school is at another desk.
ANNIE
Hey there, best friend.
MARY
Hi.
ANNIE
You look unhappy.
MARY
I ran into Peter on the way to school, literally. I almost ran him over.
ANNIE
Wow.
MARY
At least the girls got to see their dad for a few minutes. I swear he can’t do anything right. (pause) I feel sorry for him.
ANNIE
I know. But it’s hard times for everyone. Without any snow there’s not much of a call for a snowmobile mechanic.
MARY
Well, you know what? My dad always says he would have dug ditches if he had to in order to support his family.
ANNIE
Peter isn’t your dad, is he? Here are the latest invoices.
Annie walks over to Mary and hands her the invoices.
MARY
Thanks.
Mary looks over her shoulder.
ANNIE
I can’t figure out the math. Did you change the form?
MARY
Yes. I re-formatted the form. It makes more sense this way with the important numbers at the top.
ANNIE
It confused me. Wish you had told me about it.
MARY
Making changes is a part of progress. We have to make changes to keep up with the times.
Mary is silent for a minute.
MARY (CONTINUED)
You know, Peter is not my dad, but he is a war hero, and you’d think someone in town would give him a break. (sighs) I don’t want to bring my personal life into work. Let’s not talk about Peter for the rest of the day.
ANNIE
So, let’s talk about Joe instead.
MARY
No thanks! I have to talk to you about the festival.
ANNIE
Of course. How can I help? (sarcastically) You making changes to it too?
MARY
Yes, as a matter of fact. I can’t run the festival and play Mary Bailey. I’m going to suggest you play Mary Bailey this year.
ANNIE
Come on, Mary. I don’t think the town is ready for me to play Mary Bailey. You know how important this is to them. If you haven’t noticed, I’m Asian American.
MARY
I hadn’t noticed. You’ll be great. Once you put on the clothes, you’ll BE Mary Bailey! I have decided to promote you for the part at the festival meeting tonight. Don’t fight me on this, Annie!
ANNIE
Okay. Let’s see what happens tonight.
Annie laughs at the thought.
Enter JOSEPH BISHOP, a 40-ish businessman who owns and operates the winery even though he’s a recovering alcoholic. He wants to marry Mary and settle down once and for all.
JOSEPH
Good morning, ladies. How are you this fine morning?
MARY
Good, thanks.
ANNIE
Great Joe. How are you?
JOSEPH (focusing on Mary)
Terrific! Mary, how was your evening?
MARY
Fine.
JOSEPH
Do you have plans tonight after the festival meeting?
MARY
Um. Yes. I have to help my girls with their homework.
JOSEPH
How about I bring over dinner and I can help?
MARY
I’m not sure if the girls are ready for that.
ANNIE
The girls, or you?
Mary gives Annie a dirty look as if to say, ‘stay out of it’. Annie changes the subject.
ANNIE (CONTINUED)
Mary just told me she’s going to put my hat in the ring to replace her as Mary Bailey!
JOSEPH
What?! Mary, may I speak with you outside?
Mary squirms but gets up and leaves with Joseph. Annie and Mary give each other ‘what’s up with him’ looks.
CUT TO
EXT-WINERY-DAY
Outside the building, Joseph stands close to Mary.
MARY
Look, Joe. I want to talk to you too. I appreciate your ongoing interest in me, but this isn’t a good time. My girls are missing having their dad around, and it being Christmas time and all…
JOSEPH (cutting her off)
I can’t believe you’re not going to play Mary to my George! I can’t do it without you.
MARY
Listen, I need to ask you something.
JOSEPH
It’s very disappointing.
MARY
Peter is struggling to meet his obligations.
JOSEPH
We played the parts together last year and we were the toast of the town! You know the character.
MARY
And because of his struggles, I’m struggling too.
JOSEPH (sadly)
I don’t think I can play George this year.
MARY
I’m not sure of the solution…
JOSEPH
I’ll play someone else. Maybe Harry.
MARY
Joe! (grabbing his face) Focus on me. I’m trying to ask you for help.
JOSEPH
Mary, we’ve been going on and off for a couple of years now and I have to say that I really, really like you. In fact, I more than like you.
MARY (offput)
I…I…I really like you too. I’m not ready to get serious though. (whispering) After all you are my boss.
JOSEPH (whispering back)
I know.
MARY
It’s not right.
Mary turns away.
JOSEPH
As your boss, I’ll be the judge of that. I do own the company after all.
Joseph comes around in front of Mary and leans in for a kiss. Mary backs up.
MARY
No, I’m sorry. I have to ask you something and it’s awkward for me.
JOSEPH (concerned)
What is it?
MARY
Well, Peter is struggling with his obligations and that causes me to struggle…
JOSEPH (taking over)
Not to worry, I will take care of you and the girls.
MARY
No! That’s not what I meant.
JOSEPH (thinking)
How about a raise? Yes! I will give you a raise for your hard work around here, ok?
MARY (surprised)
Okay. (smiling) Thank you so much.
JOSEPH
That’s what I like to see. That beautiful smile.
Joseph hugs Mary. Mary closes her eyes and enjoys it for a moment.
JOSEPH (CONTINUED)
Okay, back to work!
Mary and Joseph laugh and walk back into the winery.
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DEV ROSS – DAY SIX
Two different conversations
I learned that I was able to save volumes with the two different conversation technique through sparse dialogue.
EXT. PARK – FLASHBACK – DAY
Clay’s DAD, ROGER CAINE, (30’s) a handsome rogue with a wicked temper and ways, pulls his truck up in front of the park.
INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS
Roger reaches across seven-year-old Clay to open the passenger door. Clay holds his baseball mitt and a ball.
ROGER
See you in a couple of hours, kiddo. Have fun.
SEVEN-YEAR-OLD CLAY
Daddy, you said we were gonna play catch.
As if suddenly hit with a thought…
ROGER
Hey, you remember that ice cream store that just opened on 7th Street?
SEVEN-YEAR-OLD CLAY
Yeah.
ROGER
How ‘bout we go there after? We can get double scoops.
SEVEN-YEAR-OLD CLAY
Okay.
Roger sits back in his seat, relishing…
ROGER
Oh yeah, I know exactly what I’m going to order. Definitely both kinds.
SEVEN-YEAR-OLD CLAY
Both kinds of what, Daddy?
Roger messes Clay’s hair.
ROGER
Ice cream, ya big dummy. Rocky Road and Mint Chocolate. How about you?
SEVEN-YEAR-OLD CLAY
I wanna play catch.
ROGER
C’mon. You get to order two kinds. What are they gonna be? Let me guess. Butter Pecan and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, right?
SEVEN-YEAR-OLD CLAY
No… Vanilla and chocolate.
Roger breaks out laughing.
ROGER
Ha! That’d be you, alright. Vanilla and chocolate. That’s funny.
He pushes the door open.
ROGER
Now go play and then we’ll get that ice cream. Vanilla and chocolate for you and Rocky Road and Mint Chocolate for me!
Clay hesitates.
ROGER
Go on now.
He gets out and then watches as his father gets out on the other side and heads for the BAR across the street. He meets an ATTRACTIVE YOUNG BLACK WOMAN at the door, who makes a flirty fuss over him before they enter together.
Young Clay, pensive, slams his fist into his mitt, heads into the park and then throws his ball against a wall to rebound back to him.
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Anna Harper Day 6 DIALOGUE STRUCTURE
METAPHORS
What I learned from this exercise. I learned how much I love using metaphors, and that it adds an element almost of whimsy, (entertainment ) and conveys layers of meaning quickly.
WORK UP FROM THE VILLAGE FRINGE 2
SITUATION
A group of men from the village have been recruited to help SIS infiltrate and take down a local Serbian mafia gang,
ESTABLISHING/TREGENNA CASTLE HOTEL CORNWALL
EXT.HOTEL/DAY
The army truck with the village men on board pulls round the back of the hotel.
INT.BACK OF TRUCK/DAY
STU
Jesus, I am exhausted.
AHMED
I am starving, I hope they are going to feed us.
The men descend from the truck and enter the back entrance of the hotel.
BUNNY
OK, best foot forward you sorry lot. This is where the G8 summit was held, so all the security was kept in place. It’s convenient for Army Intel. Follow me.
Fully geared up/armed soldiers escort the group to an old service elevator. They all cram into the elevator. The elevator descends a few levels. Doors open. to a dingy industrial area. The soldier’s boots ring out on the floor.
STU
Well, this is cozy, love what they have done with the decor.
JONATHON
Squints eyes
Smells funny, and those lights are practically bright enough to do surgery.
AHMED
Whispers to Johnathon.
Why did we come here, I am feeling very nervous.
Bunny’s private army is escorted into a large meeting room. Two middle-aged and unremarkable-looking men are waiting. They appear very ordinary except for the shoulder holsters; carrying guns.
PIERRE
Hisses under his breath to Stu.
Not exactly like James Bond material, so disappointing. (speaking in metaphor)
One of the agents indicates they should take a seat.
AGENT
For the purpose of this meeting, I am agent DAVID, and my partner; is agent GOLIATH. (metaphor good and evil, battle)
DAVID
Bunny disclosed the trouble your friend Caleb was having with the Serbian mafia. We were glad to help out with the detox. Major Bunny Holmes has earned immense respect from us. It was he who reached out for help for your friend Caleb. And now we would like your help.
GOLIATH
Today we are at step 1 of an operation to find and apprehend a specific Russian agent who is here in the UK to cause harm on our soil. This is unacceptable and we will do anything and everything to run the agent to ground. You are to be a part of the operation should you decide to take it on. If not, go back to your lives as they are.
We understand you all are in states of financial difficulty, embarrassment even.. We will discuss that later.
Today we are on a mission to find the Russian operative who is posing as a Serb in Anton’s gang of thugs. The Russian government is on the outs with the Serbs at present. The Russians would love to internationally cause a lack of trust in the Serbs. So, the Russian agents may seek to disclose by various means what the Serbs are up to without their knowing that the rot comes from within. (metaphor for double agent)
Meanwhile, the Russians use the cover of the Serbian infrastructure, satellite communications, and dark locations, to piggyback their own agenda on British soil. That is until the Russians are ready to throw the Serbs under the bus. (speaking in metaphor)
I must warn you that this is a dangerous mission. However, we are confident. You are valuable to us as you have no footprint. (a metaphor for data track). You are just ordinary civilians, and you have local knowledge.
It will be easy for you to use your daily activities as cover. Therefore it is hoped they will not tumble to our operation. Seek, find and destroy the Russian operatives, and deport the Serbs. That is after we have finished with them. (a metaphor for torture and interrogation)
The first part of this assignment, should you decide to take it on, is to deliver the money that Caleb owes. and have Anton, who was Caleb’s contact, become interested in you.
You will achieve this by being disrespectful and dismissive. We will coach you on technique. We call it The Chinese Takeaway. (a metaphor for creating desire and removing the prize, and increasing the want factor; baiting)
Step 1. The money owed to Anton will be returned as part of our plant to lure in Anton.
Step 2. You will commit a crime. We will set up everything for you. It will be a real crime in broad daylight. You will get away with it. Anton will hear about it, he will then contact you.
Step 3. There will be many fishing lines of surveillance and tracking set up. That is all I am saying about the operation for now.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by
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Kate’s Dialogue Structure
This exercise picks up early in the midst of the Nia-Luciana coffee shop scene. Their first private meeting. Luciana knows who Nia is, her background, what really happened between her parents. Nia doesn’t know that let alone that Luciana knows or even who Luciana is in relation to her history.
They have just met and Luciana is going to get the coffee order.
INT. COFFEE SHOP- DAY
Luciana opens her bag and carefully takes out a beautifully wrapped package.
LUCIANA
I know we have a meeting but first, I want to give you this.
She holds out the package. Nia hesitates.
LUCIANA
Please, take it. I’ll get the coffee.
She leaves. Nia opens the package – it is a little Mexican rag doll. Nia is oddly moved.
Luciana is coming back, and stops for a moment to watch her.
Then comes over and sits close to her.
LUCIANA
She’s beautiful, no?
NIA
Yes. It’s.. I’ve never had one of these. Thank you. Where did you get her?
LUCIANA
She was mine. From when I was little. Did you have doll as a child?
NIA
Oh yes, well, 1 or 2. My grandparents didn’t really like dolls.
LUCIANA
But it wasn’t for them, the dolls, si? They are for the child.
NIA
I suppose. I don’t think they expected to be raising a small child again.
LUCIANA
How did that happen?
NIA
My mother died, when I was 6 and my father was too sad to stay. So… But, and you know, I’ve found him now.
LUCIANA
Yes, you have…
The waitress brings Nia’s coffee. Nia puts the doll on the table.
LUCIANA
Gracias.
Nia takes a sip, it is a special Mexican mix, not quite what Nia expected but good.
LUCIANA
It is good, yes?
NIA
Yes, different but you’re right. Very good.
LUCIANA
If you don’t like it, that’s ok.
NIA
No, I do. I do.
LUCIANA
You don’t like to upset people, do you?
NIA
Well, no. Why upset people if you don’t have to?
LUCIANA
Sometimes it is necessary.
NIA
Not often. Usually, it works out.
LUCIANA
And if it doesn’t?
NIA
It always does.
Nia is holding the mug in both her hands when her hair falls forward.
Luciana reaches out and pushes it behind her ear before Nia can put her cup down.
Nia sits back, surprised and in doing so knocks the doll off the table
NIA
Oh, I’m sorry.
She quickly stoops to pick it up, when she sits up Luciana is staring at her.
NIA
I don’t think I broke her.
LUCIANA
You can’t break her.
She takes the woven rag doll.
LUCIANA
See? She is flexible and she bends. Nothing will hurt her.
NIA
Yes, I see that. It’s unusual, a toy that doesn’t break.
LUCIANA
Like a pure love. It survives all the tiempos duros.
Luciana hands the doll back.
NIA
Tiempos duros?
LUCIANA
Rough times. Keep her, she is for you now. Por Favor.
Nia is thoughtful and a little uncomfortable. She busies herself putting the doll very carefully in her bag.
NIA
It’s very good coffee and I’m not just being polite.
Luciana smiles warmly and takes a breath as if to speak.
Nia jumps in quickly.
NIA
You said this is a ‘meeting’? Something you wanted to tell me.
Luciana sits back quickly, regroups.
LUCIANA
Oh, yes. How is it going with Darrogh?
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Day 6: (Advanced Dialogue) – Anita’s Dialogue Structures
Example of some metaphoric dialogue:
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
The large prestigious firm is nearly as sizable and bustling as the office Danica worked in with Cyrus 15 years ago.
INT. BREAK ROOM – CONTINUOUS
There’s a ‘CONGRATULATIONS’ banner strung up, and a half-eaten sheet cake on the table.
Danica is the center of attention surrounded by VARIOUS COLLEAGUES (ALL MEN) patting her on the back, exchanging high-fives, etc.
JUNIOR ATTORNEY
Well, you certainly deserve this Dani, after the string of wins you’ve had –
He takes a metaphoric swing with a bat.
JUNIOR ATTORNEY (CONT’D)
– knocking it out of the park!
PARTNER
Yep – you’re officially one of the boys now, Dani! I’d give you a locker room slap on the ass, but I’m afraid you’d sue me!
LAUGHTER all around.
Abruptly MANAGING PARTNER ROBERT GREENE, CEO of the firm and god-like father-figure to his staff, steps into the room, which immediately goes quiet.
ROBERT GREENE
Congratulations Danica. A well-deserved promotion. I know you’ll do us proud.
Before Danica can even utter words of thanks, Greene slides out of the room.
PARTNER
Well, you can’t top praise from on high –
He raises his coffee mug in salute.
PARTNER (CONT’D)
Cheers!
The others join in: CHEERS!
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June Fortunato’s Dialogue Structures Day 6 of Subtext for Retirement Circular talk, metaphor and dual convos
What I learned: I had to review my script and rethink the rest of my outline. As I get closer to the end, these assignments become tougher to fit.
Previously Roy tries to rent an apartment, as per the judge’s order and is summarily dismissed for lack of a bank account. Kim reclaims her car which was stolen by her brother.
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING – ROOFTOP – LATE MORNING
Roy, on the roof, has shaped a firehose into a noose, and hung it over the entrance door.
ROY (shouting) They hate veterans. Don’t rent here! They hate us vets!
Cars squeal brakes and passengers yell up.
WOMAN Don’t jump! Stay there!
From his perch, Roy sees a film crew setting up in the streets below.
ROY Ooopsie. Gotta go.
And he heads into the building, leaving cars in a mess below.
INT./EXT. – KIM’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
Kim is outside of a used car dealership. A salesman leans on her window.
KIM What’ll you pay for my car?
EXT. FILM SET – SOON AFTER
An exhausted crew lines up at a caterer’s truck. Roy stands in line.
CATERER Scrambled egg sandwich or vegan?
ROY Two, please.
CATERER Eggs?
ROY You bet. I just love me some chickies.
Caterer passes the sandwiches. Roy sits with the crew members.
SECOND ASSISTANT Sign in over there.
Roy stands but swerves to the pyrotechnic truck. Al, already busy, sets a table with triggering devices, radio receivers, wires, dust bags.
AL Where’s your paper work?
ROY I dunno.
AL Did you sign in?
ROY Is the pope short?
AL Another jerk-off substitute. Set the bags where I marked.
Al points to marks on a wall. Roy has zero idea of what to do. To a Pyro crewman.
Keep your eye on that guy.
Pyro man grabs a handful of dust bags and gives half to Roy.
PYRO CREWMAN You set the dust bags. I’ll set the remotes and the maroons.
ROY Roger that.
Roy stuffs the bags into the spots. Pyro Crewman watches Roy.
PYRO CREWMAN Look. Like this. Safety first. No offense, old man, but watch and learn. One screw up and everything’s fucked. People get hurt.
ROY Copy that. No screw ups.
Pyro Crewman shows Roy how to set the FX bags and Roy quickly gets it, and soon knows how to set the remotes and the sound devices, too.
PYRO CREWMAN Good finesse.
ROY Like sliding off a duck’s back.
EXT. FILM SET – LATER
Camera is set, actors, dressed like tourists are ready for the shot.
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR Going for a take. Places. Quiet on set. Settle.
SOUND Sound is up.
DP Rolling.
SLATE Take one, scene 33A.
DIRECTOR Action.
Tourists stroll a wall. Suddenly rapid; LOUD FX gunshots, and the FX bags burst in the wall and dirt fills the air as if the wall was pummeled. Roy freaks. He runs to the tourists and pushes them to the ground.
ROY Get down!
DIRECTOR Cut! Cut!
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR What the hell is going on? Who is this guy? Get rid of this guy!
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PS81 – Dana’s Dialogue Structures
What I learned Doing This Assignment.
The scene below takes place when the station manager realizes the news vans are showing up at the radio station after the psychotic has threatened Ellen’s family on air.
This method showed me how to heighten the dialogue to create tension even in the most mundane of scenes.
Circular Dialogue: The receptionist informs the manager that the station owner is on the phone at the beginning of the scene, then reminds him as he leaves the lobby the owner is waiting to talk to him at the end.
Metaphoric Dialogue: The station manager comments the situation is a “monster.”
Two different: The manager is ordering the receptionist the call security, ignoring her telling him that the newspapers have been calling for a statement.
SCENE:
INT. RECEPTION, KCSF RADIO STATION – DAY
Gail is on her phone, frantic.
GAIL
(on phone)
He’s not in his office. I’ll see if I can find him — Oh, wait. Here he is.
Pete comes from nowhere.
PETE
What is it?
Gail motions to the front doors.
Pete takes a few steps closer.
PETE (CONT’D)
Oh, shit.
PETE’S POV
Two TV news vans have pulled into the parking lot. The crews are setting up on the front walk, getting ready to broadcast. A third van bounces into the lot.
BACK ON PETE
This is the worst thing right now.
PETE (CONT’D)
This is going to go national.
GAIL
Pete. Jerry is on line one. He’s been trying to get hold of you.
PETE
I’ll take it in my office.
GAIL
(into phone)
Mr. Stevens. I’ll put you through to Pete’s office. Can you hold?
PETE
Call building security. I want bodies on that door. Keep those jackals out. Nobody in.
GAIL
(dialing phone)
Harold O’Brien from the Chronicle called again. And the Tribune asked for a statement.
PETE
And call Bayside Security. I want cars in the lot before this thing turns into a circus.
GAIL
(into phone)
Security? This is Gail Simmons at Reception. I need guards down in the lobby, please.
PETE
This is a fucking monster.
Pete turns and leaves.
GAIL
Jerry Stevens on one.
PETE
I’m on it!
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Matthew Frendo’s Dialogue Structures
WHAT I LEARNED: I learned new techniques on how to create interesting dialogue. These will make my dialogue more intriguing and interesting.
INT. CLOWN CAR – NIGHT
Kristen sits in the car as the creature bangs even harder on the hood, petrified.
The monster moves his hands up to strike the windshield and kill her when she sees–
BOINK! A wrench hits him in the nose. He looks around, confused, and sees Jocelyn standing there, shaking.
He roars loudly. Jocelyn quickly jumps in the car with Kristen.
JOCELYN
Where’d your little God helper go?
KRISTEN
Aww, you really like me.
Jocelyn looks at her, aggravated.
JOCELYN
We’re going to die in a fucking clown car.
KRISTEN
I’m gonna die with my BFF. There are worse ways to–
BAM! The monster slams his hands hard on the top of the car, making it cave in a bit.
KRISTEN
Okay, nevermind, this is not how I want to die! No offense. But you can still by my BFF!
JOCELYN
Death in a clown car. My enemies are going to just love this.
KRISTEN
I still can’t believe you tried to save me.
JOCELYN
I could have just died from a drug overdose. Would have been way more peaceful and way less humiliating.
BAM! The monster hits the top of the car again, denting it more.
KRISTEN
No one ever tries to save me. Usually, they don’t even try to talk to me.
JOCELYN
Never even tried acid. Always thought it might kill me. Fucking irony is the worst.
KRISTEN
Some people even try to hurt me. They think it’s funny, but having someone urinate on you to heal a jellyfish sting that isn’t real isn’t funny.
Jocelyn looks at her with that one.
KRISTEN
But you, you saved me.
JOCELYN
Ninth inning.
KRISTEN
Now I’m confused.
BAM! Monster strikes again. Now, the ceiling is very bent.
JOCELYN
Something my dad said, when he watched baseball in between beating me and drinking himself to death. The ninth inning is where it all comes together or falls apart.
KRISTEN
And we’re coming together! I like that–
The car all of a sudden rises, as the monster is lifting it in his hands.
KRISTEN
May have spoken too soon.
JOCELYN
Could sure use your God to come right about now.
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Day 6 – Dialogue Structures – Assignment
Mike O – Dialogue Structures
What I learned doing this assignment is…. Realism in dialogue, can’t always rely on perry and thrust; need to change it up, keep the characters “real” I do a lot of mental multi-tasking and therefore can relate to these dialogue structures.
[I] Write a scene using one or more of the dialogue structures listed here:
1. Circular dialogue – one or more characters begin a subject, are interrupted & circle back to their original subject.
2. Metaphoric dialogue – two characters are doing & talking about something that actually represents something more important to them.
3. Two different conversations at the same time – Person (A) talks about one thing. Person (B) talks about another.================================================
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Tarek and Brooklyn on the couch enjoying the fire and a second glass of wine. Brandon and Tyler in bed.
TAREK “Everything okay, you got quiet?”
BROOKLYN (stares into wine) “I’ve a client who wants me to start work immediately… As in day after tomorrow.”
TAREK “That was the text you got?”
BROOKLYN “I want you to come: see my place, my work, see Carolyn’s gallery. Have you ever been to Chicago?”
TAREK “I’d love to…”
BROOKLYN “But?
TAREK “I can’t afford it. I’m between jobs — careers actually. “
BROOKLYN “You can stay at my place. It’s just me.”
Long pause as Tarek considers.
TAREK “I’m sorry, I can’t. Airfares this time of year are murder. (off her expression) When’s your flight leave? You need me to drive you to the airport?”
BROOKLYN “I haven’t made reservations.”
TAREK “Sure you can get a flight? This close to Christmas it’ll be next to impossible.”
Brooklyn takes a drink of wine, sets the glass aside as she leaves the couch to stand before the fireplace.
BROOKLYN (her back to him) “It’s a private jet.”
TAREK “Oh, I see.”
BROOKLYN “I’ll be back before Christmas. I promised Tyler we’d make fudge for Santa’s cookie plate. Can’t let the big guy down.”
She finds Tarek standing behind her.
TAREK “And your client, he’s okay with you flying back so soon?”
BROOKLYN “He’s a billionaire; it’s not his only jet. I’m sure he won’t mind. Besides, we’re just feeling each other out… What I mean, is we’re going over ideas and themes. He’s intense and very passionate about what he wants. I have to figure out what he really desires, not what he says he wants.”
TAREK “Sounds intimate, I mean intense. Getting inside someone’s head like that, can’t be easy.”
BROOKLYN “That’s the reason for the consult. It will require several rounds of preliminary sketches before we’re there. He’s not an easy man to please. (off his look) As an architect, I’m sure you had clients that were more difficult than others.”
TAREK “Well put. I did. Seems you have everything in order.”
BROOKLYN “I do. And tomorrow night we’ve my tree to decorate and a Monopoly rematch.”
TAREK “That we do.”
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