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Day 1 Assignments
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Dev Ross – Dialogue
This comes right after opening in the film ARRIVAL. It beautifully says so much around LOUISE with sparse dialogue.
I learned that just a few lines can say so much about a character, creating a deep knowing about who they are or what they want without exposition.
INT. MERCY GENERL HOSPITAL – MORNING
Louise cradles a NEWBORN BABY. Her name is HANNAH. Hannah reaches up. Crooks her tiny hand around Louise’s finger.
LATER
A NURSE starts to take the baby to give Louise some rest. Hannah BLEATS and reaches for her mother.
Louise smiles through the exhaustion and pulls her back—
LOUISE: Okay, come back, come back to me…
EXT. LAKE HOUSE YARD – AFTERNOON
Four-year-old HANNAH dressed as a cowgirl. On a toy riding house with wheels for hooves. Giggling like she can’t stop.
LOUISE (VO): I remember moments in the middle.
She pulls both finger-guns, aimed at us.
HANNAH: Stick ‘em up!
INT. HANNAH’S ROOM – NIGHT
Eight-year-old Hannah is tucked in bed. Said to us as a prayer:
HANNAH: I love you.
INT. LAKE HOUSE – NIGHT
12 year-old Hannah glowers at us:
HANNAH: I hate you!
INT. MERCY HILL GENERAL HOSPITAL – MORNING
Hannah is pale. Her head has been shaved in the last month.
LOUISE (VO): And this was the end.
Louise holds her daughter’s hand in hers. Her thumb traces Hannah’s knuckles.
A life monitor beeps as Hannah’s heart stops.
Hannah’s eyes roll up and she sighs her final breath.
Louise’s grip on her daughter tightens. Trembling.
A Nurse starts to pull Louise away, but she hangs on. Now it’s mother trying to return to her baby girl—
LOUISE: Come back—come back to me, baby.
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Cameron Martin’s Great Dialogue Scene(s) from MONEYBALL, A FEW GOOD MEN, and ALIENS
What I learned doing this assignment is…This is the area I know I’ve struggled the most with, so I decided to go crazy and analyze my favorite scenes from three of my favorite movies. I also took the advice of the email and just listened to these scenes instead of watching them. The ping-pong match of words back and forth is more noticeable when you’re not watching, as well as the the constant conflict. For some reason, I never considered the amount of arguments occurring in film. Don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware of how they work in dramatic scenes, but it just never occurred to me that that type of conversation (argument) is the primary form of conversation most of these characters use. It’s like debate or sarcasm is their primary language, with English (or other preferred language) being their second. Hell, even Sam’s comforting of Kaffee in A FEW GOOD MEN is an argument against Kaffee’s perception of himself in his father’s image. In addition, looking back at Jules and Vincent’s scene from PULP FICTION, it’s all exposition. The scene’s goals are to get us from point A to B, and in that time explain that Vincent’s been away for a bit, and when he came back he’s been assigned to take out their dangerous boss’ wife, establish how dangerous their boss is, and show that the two are good friends. There’s a really bad version of this scene where Vincent just tells Jules all of this, and Jules responds “Wow!” Instead, the whole scene is structured as a friendly argument between two friends. With that in mind, that’s become my new goal for each scene: “How can I structure this as an argument between two or more people? How can EVERY line be an argument for or against what another person has said?”
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NOTE: Half of the dialogue from the original written scene wasn’t included in the final cut of the movie. Regardless, for context this takes place shortly after Billy has hired Peter to help him value players based on sabermetrics (using math and economics to determine player value instead of player looks or athleticism), and he’s about to pitch the new direction his ball club is taking to his scouters.
MONEYBALL
INT. SCOUTING ROOM – DAY
-and ignoring Peter – who has tried to inconspicuously plant himself in a corner – pulls up a chair to receive his scouts’ report – which Grady, as always, will lead. Art wanders off.
GRADY
How did it go in Cleveland?
BILLY
It was cold.
NOTE: This isn’t included in the final cut, but it’s worth noting Billy’s mindset is broadcast with these three words. “It was cold” not only refers to the temperature, but the deal as well. Billy came back empty handed, which sets the stage for Grady and company to feel justified in talking back to a manager who couldn’t get the players they scouted. “It was cold” also says to the room that Billy doesn’t want to talk about specifics. Unbeknownst to them, he’s already moved on in a different direction and has an agenda he’s ready to see through.
The news bothers no one.
GRADY
Let’s get after our relief pitching problem.
BILLY
We got Chad Bradford. Right-hander.
Few, if any of them, have heard of Bradford and begin leafing through their printouts and notes.
GRADY
Submariner?
BILLY
That’s the one. Technically an underhander.
GRADY
What’s his velocity?
BILLY
Unimpressive.
NOTE: Another point for Billy’s character showing through with the dialogue. He’s not going to BS anyone. He’s not a snake oil salesmen. His focus is solely on winning. Period. Everything else, including the little things like “velocity” or “breaking ball” mean all but a cup of spit to him, and he’s going to get that point across to these scouters that are still trying to find “good looking” players (as Billy referenced in an earlier scene, they’re not selling jeans).
ARTIE
About 85.
GRADY
Does he have a good breaking ball?
BILLY
Doesn’t have one.
GRADY
Why do you like this guy?
BILLY
Well, he gets people out.
ARTIE
The left-hander hitters get a really good look at him.
GRADY
He’s down there. He’s down there real low, too.
BILLY
Let’s move on.
NOTE: Sorkin’s dialogue moves like a jazz drummer. Everyone is arguing their point, even if they’re arguing to agree, they’re still arguing, but it’s short and fast paced, with it all coming to an end as Billy (the jazz conductor in this analogy) silences them with “Let’s move on.” Again, three words that mean a whole hell of a lot, including “You (the scouters) don’t get a say on this.”
The scouts aren’t sure what to say, and so say nothing. Eventually –
GRADY
Well, we, I think, have fared better. We have some ideas for what to do about Giambi.
BILLY
Knock me down.
NOTE: “Entertain me” is what he’s basically saying. But again, Sorkin uses this motif of three words, all one syllable. Why? Because it sounds better, clearer, and rolls off the tongue faster. It’s a drum beat to keep the other musicians on track.
GRADY
We trade power for speed. A rabbit for a gorilla – We go for an overachiever. A big heart in the last year his contract. Tend to play hard. We usually get a pretty good year out of them. Make up for some of the offense we lost.
(puts more names up)
Or the other option. Just a thought. We go for a high-maintenance guy. A guy that’s a little difficult but talented. A guy like Milton Bradley. Well, not like Milton. Milton himself. Which do you want to talk about first?
NOTE: It’s all BS. Billy knows it, and now the audience knows that Grady (not Billy) is the snake oil salesman in this scene. Where Billy gives a straight, clear answer, Grady BY FAR uses the most words in this one scene, and it’s intentional. It subtly shows us how he prioritizes his pride, where Billy prioritizes winning.
BILLY
None of them.
Grady looks like a man who can’t take much more.
BILLY
You’re still looking to replace him; you’re just saying it another way.
BARRY
We got some trades here.
BILLY
We can’t do it. What we can do is recreate his value to us in the aggregate.
GRADY
The what –
BILLY
Giambi’s on-base percentage was .477. Damon’s was .324. And Olmeda’s – bless his heart – was .291. Add that up and you get –
He points to Peter.
PETER
You want me to speak?
BILLY
When I point at you, yes.
PETER
Ten-ninety-two.
BILLY
Divided by three –
PETER
Three-sixty-four.
BILLY
That’s what we’re looking for. And that’s what we’ll find. Three players whose average OBP is –
PETER
Three-sixty-four.
NOTE: Between Billy and Peter, they use fewer words than Grady does to communicate their goal. It’s crystal clear, no fluffed up words, and there’s a fun way that it starts when Billy invites an introvert who was comfortable hiding in the room to join the conversation. It’s a little bit of conflict between two characters who’re aligned, but it’s effective.
ARTIE
That doesn’t come out right.
BILLY
You gotta carry the one.
ARTIE
Still don’t look right.
BILLY
It’s right.
NOTE: Two things. 1. Math isn’t their strong suit, and this showcases how foreign this new direction is to these scouts. 2. It’s an argument. Starting to see that Arguing is as important to dialogue as Irony is to story structure.
The others aren’t sure what confuses them more – the logic, or the guy who shouldn’t be in this room.
GRADY
Billy?
BILLY
Yes.
GRADY
Who’s that?
BILLY
That’s Peter.
And that’s all he’s going to tell them about Peter.
GRADY
I don’t know how to say this delicately – but does – Peter – need to be here?
BILLY
Yes.
POLONI
What’s with this on obsession? Is that base percentage
Bill James bullshit?
NOTE: Ah, they’re aware of where this is coming from, and they announce their opinion on it with crystal clarity for everyone.
BILLY
You can call it Billy Beane bullshit for all I care.
NOTE: Again, Billy doesn’t give one iota about his pride. He wants to win, and he doesn’t care what people think of him in the process.
Billy takes a Marks-A-Lot, jots down three names on strips, and approaches the board.
BILLY
So here’s who we want. One.
He puts the first strip up. It reads: JEREMY GIAMBI.
BILLY
Jason’s little brother Jeremy.
BARRY
He never comes home from the games.
POLONI
Billy, if I may, he’s had his problems on the field — not to mention his problems off the field — not to mention he’s getting a little thick around the middle — there’s the stuff with the weed. He’s at strip joints…
GRADY
This guy could start the year with an agent and end up with a parole officer for Christ’s sake.
BILLY
His on-base percentage is all we’re looking at now and he gets on base an awful lot for someone who only costs $285,000 a year.
GEORGE
He can’t catch a ball in the outfield. I’ve seen him lose a ball in the moonlight.
Billy puts up another name: DAVID JUSTICE.
BILLY
David Justice.
GRADY
Ten years ago he was a big name. He’s going to really help our season tickets at the beginning of the year. But by June he’s not going to be hitting his weight.
PITTARO
He’s 36!
ARTIE
His legs are gone. He’s a defensive liability. I question whether the bat speed is still there.
BARRY
Steinbrenner is so pissed at his decline he’s willing to eat up half his contract to get rid of him.
BILLY
That’s good.
NOTE: This whole exchange is great. Everyone is focused on surface level factors, what anyone would think would be important. Billy’s mind is on two things: can they get on base (winning) and are they cheap. Everything else is noise.
HOPKINS
He’s a fossil. With all due respect, bringing these three guys aboard is like putting bubble gum on a flat tire.
GRADY
And why do we want to be ones to bail Justice out of his contract?
Billy points at PETER —
PETER
He gets on base.
GRADY
I got 37 free agents who are better than those guys.
NOTE: Grady’s bringing credentials, his pride into the equation.
BILLY
Scott Hatteberg.
POTE
Who?
BILLY
Exactly. Sounds like an Oakland A already. Yes, he’s got a little damage in his elbow.
NOTE: 1. Billy’s self aware. He knows he’s managing the bottom of the barrel, and he’s clearly accepted it at this point, going so far as to joke about it. 2. This isn’t Billy selling. He’s trying to cut the conversation short with the subtext reading “I don’t care that he’s got damage in his elbow.”
GRADY
Some damage? He can’t throw.
BILLY
We’re not interested in him for his arm anymore than we wanted Giambi for his.
GRADY
Wait, you’re talkin’ about Hatteberg at first?
BILLY
Yes.
HOPKINS
He’s a career .260 hitter and the good part of his career is over.
BILLY
I say it’s just starting.
PITTARO
Well, Billy, you’ll like the sound of this… I hear Boston wants to cut him and no one wants to pick him up.
NOTE: Pittaro thinks he’s making a valid point in saying no one wants him, so therefore we shouldn’t be so stupid as to want him either.
BILLY
That’s good news for us. He’s cheap.
NOTE: Billy is a fixed point. What’s his on base percentage, and how much does he cost? That’s what he can afford, that’s the kind of ball they’re going to start playing.
GRADY
Let me understand this. At first base you want a guy who’s been cut from half of the minor league teams in the country due to irreparable nerve damage?
BILLY
He can’t hit and he can’t field, but what can he do?
(beat)
Look at the piece of paper or I’m going to point at Peter.
The SCOUTS consult their spreadsheets and then answer half-heartedly–
SCOUTS
(half-heartedly)
He can get–
BILLY
He can get on base.
NOTE: Doesn’t let them finish. It’s not needed, but it adds just a little more argument into the scene, just a bit more spice.
POLONI
Alright, so he walks a lot.
NOTE: Subtext being “Hatteberg won’t be pretty to look at.”
BILLY
He gets on base a lot, Rocco. Do I care if it’s a walk or a hit?
PETER
You do not.
NOTE: Subtext being “Winning is more important than looks.” As a sports fan, this is accurate. The only people who talk about how your team looks in a negative context when it’s winning are your rivals.
POLONI
These three players, by your own admission, are defective in one way or another.
BILLY
Yeah.
GRADY
You want to replace Jason Giambi with not one but three defective players?
BILLY
You got it.
GRADY
Billy, we’ve all been busting our asses the last six and a half weeks to make this a better ball–
BILLY
(cutting him off)
Grady, it’s not a discussion.
POTE
I think we’re all losing sight of the fact that you’re the general manager. You only have to answer to ownership and God.
BILLY
I didn’t know God followed baseball.
POTE
I hope he does.
Some of the scouts look over in Peter’s direction, no doubt wondering if he’s had something to do with their general manager’s ideas.
WASHINGTON
Billy, I just don’t see it.
BILLY
That’s okay, Wash. We won’t be victimized by what we see anymore.
WASHINGTON
I understand what you’re saying about their averages, but there’s something you’re forgetting. None of them plays first base.
BILLY
I haven’t forgotten that, Wash. One of them is going to have to learn.
WASHINGTON
Learn.
BILLY
You’re going to have to teach him.
WASHINGTON
Teach.
BILLY
Instruct.
WASHINGTON
Which one?
NOTE: For the sake of not repeating myself over and over, I’ll keep this note focused on the way this scene ends. It answers the question we started with with a new question. It keeps us engaged in the story. Washington’s whole purpose here was saved to introduce a new problem that can’t be fixed with sabermetrics.
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ALIENS
INT. APC
ON VASQUEZ wired and intense.
VASQUEZ
All right, we can’t blow the fuck
out of them…why not roll some
canisters of CN-20 down there.
Nerve gas the whole nest?
HUDSON
Look, man, let’s just bug out and
call it even, okay?
NOTE: Damn, I love Hudson. He’s so honest, and his character is perfectly built to contradict Vasquez, whom we clearly see is ready for revenge.
RIPLEY
(to Vasquez)
No good. How do we know it’ll
effect their biochemistry? I say
we take off and nuke the entire
site from orbit. It’s the only
way to be sure.
NOTE: Aside from being such a quotable line, Ripley’s solution one-ups Vasquez’s and anyone else there. She’s not thinking revenge. She’s thinking extermination.
BURKE
Now hold on a second. I’m not
authorizing that action.
RIPLEY
Why not?
Burke senses the challenge in her tone and backpedals flawlessly into conciliatory mode.
BURKE
Well, I mean…I know this is an
emotional moment, but let’s not
make snap judgments. Let’s move
cautiously. First, this physical
installation had a substantial
dollar value attached to it —
RIPLEY
They can bill me. I got a tab
running. What’s second?
BURKE
This is clearly an important
species we’re dealing with here.
We can’t just arbitrarily
exterminate them —
RIPLEY
Bullshit!
VASQUEZ
Yeah, bullshit. Watch us.
NOTE: More arguing. Clear sides. Burke is looking at the money, while Ripley is convicted in the bigger picture, just as she was in the last movie.
HUDSON
Maybe you haven’t been keeping up
on current events, but we just got
out asses kicked, pal!
NOTE: Hudson. Love him for keeping it real.
Ripley faces Burke squarely and she’s not pleased.
RIPLEY
Look, Burke. We had an agreement.
Burke moves in, lowering his voice. He takes her aside from the others.
BURKE
I know, I know, but we’re dealing
with changing scenarios here. This
thing is major, Ripley. I mean
really major. You gotta go with
its energy. Since you are the
representative of the company who
discovered this species your
percentage will naturally be
some serious, serious money.
NOTE: It’s same thing as the scene from MONEYBALL. Burke is a snake oil salesmen, but nothing he’s saying ultimately has any substance behind it. Ripley’s solution is clear, concise and the consequences are easy to understand. Meanwhile Burke has no solution. There’re only empty promises.
Ripley stares at his like he’s a particularly disagreeable fungus.
RIPLEY
You son of a bitch.
BURKE
(hardening)
Don’t make me pull rank, Ripley.
RIPLEY
What rank? I believe Corporal Hicks
has authority here.
BURKE
Corporal Hicks!?
RIPLEY
This operation is under military
jurisdiction and Hicks is next in
chain of command. Right?
HICKS
Looks that way.
Burke starts to lose it and it’s not a pretty sight.
BURKE
Look, this is a multimillion
dollar operation. He can’t make
that kind of decision. He’s just
a grunt!
(glances at Hicks)
No offense.
HICKS
(coolly)
None taken.
(into mike)
Ferro, you copying?
FERRO
(voice over; static)
Standing by.
HICKS
Prep for dust-off. We’re gonna
need an immediate evac.
(to Burke)
I think we’ll take off and nuke
the site from orbit. It’s the
only way to be sure.
NOTE: Hicks ain’t exactly thrilled to be in command, but he likes Ripley’s option for all the reasons previously discussed, and he’s going to see it through.
He winks. Burke looks like a kid whose toy has been snatched.
BURKE
This is absurd! You don’t have
the authority to —
CLACK! The sound of a rifle bolt snapping home truncates his rant. Vasquez has a pulse-rifle cradled, not exactly aimed at Burke but not exactly aimed away either. Her expression is masklike. End of discussion.
Ripley sits behind Newt, putting her arm around her.
RIPLEY
We’re going home, honey.
NOTE: The shift in tone with Ripley. I love this line too because it’s a promise that sets up the following scene so well.
EXT. DROP-SHIP
The ship rises through the spray thrown up by the downblast of the VTOL jets, hovering above the complex like a huge insect, its searchlights blazing.
EXT. APC
The group is filing out of the personnel carrier, which is clearly a write off. Hicks and Hudson have Gorman between them, and the others emerge into the wind. They watch the ship roar in on its final approach.
INT. DROP-SHOP COCKPIT
Ferro flicks the intercom switch several times. Thumps her headset mike.
FERRO
Spunkmeyer? Goddammit.
The compartment door behind her slides slowly back.
FERRO
(turning)
Where the fu —
Her eyes widen. It’s not Spunkmeyer.
Am impression of leering jaws which blur forward, then a whirl of motion and a truncated scream. The throttle levers are slammed forward in the melee.
EXT. APC – LANDSCAPE – STATION
They watch in dismay as the approaching ship dips and VEERS WILDLY. Its main engines ROAR FULL ON and the craft accelerates toward them even as it loses altitude. It skims the ground. Clips a rock formation. The ship slews, sideslipping. It hits a ridge. Tumbles, bursting into flame, breaking up. It arcs into the air, end over end, a Catherine wheel juggernaut.
RIPLEY
Run!
She grabs Newt and sprints for cover as a tumbling section of the ship’s massive engine module slams into the APC and it explodes into twisted wreckage.
The drop-ship skips again, like a stone, engulfed in flames…AND CRASHES INTO THE STATION. A TREMENDOUS FIREREBALL.
The remainder of the ground team watches their hopes of getting off the planet, and most of their superior fire power, reduced to flaming debris.
There is a moment of stunned silence, then…
HUDSON
(hysterical)
Well that’s great! That’s just
fucking great, man. Now what the
fuck are we supposed to do, man?
We’re in some real pretty shit now!
HICKS
Are you finished?
(to Ripley)
You okay?
NOTE: Hicks is an experienced combat soldier, and it shows in the way he demands from Hudson but checks in on Ripley, a civilian.
She nods. She can’t disguise her stricken expression when she looks at Newt, but the little girl seems relatively calm. She shrugs with fatalistic acceptance.
NEWT
I guess we’re not leaving, right?
RIPLEY
I’m sorry, Newt.
NEWT
You don’t have to be sorry. It
wasn’t your fault.
NOTE: Though Newt is being nice, she’s still arguing with Ripley.
HUDSON
(kicking rocks)
Just tell me what the fuck we’re
supposed to do now. What’re we
gonna do now?
BURKE
(annoyed)
May be could build a fire and
sing songs.
NEWT
We should get back, ’cause it’ll
be dark soon. They come mostly
at night. Mostly.
Ripley follows Newt’s look to the AP station looming in the twilight, the burning drop-ship wreckage jammed into its basal structure.
NOTE: Line sets up the next scene as well. This film not only has perfect scene structure, it uses its dialogue to perfectly set up the next scene and lead to another payoff for the specific line of dialogue.
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A FEW GOOD MEN
INT. KAFFEE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
JO and SAM are sitting in silence. It’s dark outside.
JO
Where do you think he is?
SAM doesn’t know. JO is beside herself, and trying to keep
it together.
JO
(continuing)
As far as Downey was concerned, it
was an order from Kendrick. It
didn’t matter that he didn’t hear
it first hand. He doesn’t
distinguish between the two.
SAM understands, but he doesn’t say anything. The door opens
and KAFFEE walks in.
JO
(continuing)
Danny. I’m sorry.
KAFFEE seems to be in an incredibly normal mood.
KAFFEE
Don’t worry about it.
JO
Sam and I were just talking about
how all we really have to do is
call some witnesses who’ll talk
about implied orders… or maybe we
put Downey back on the stand before
we get to Dawson.
KAFFEE
Maybe if we work at it we can get
Dawson charged with the Kennedy
assassination.
NOTE: Kaffee’s emotion in this scene screams defeat and licking his wounds through sarcasm, while Jo is focused on succeeding against all odds or reason. It’s perfect conflict for the two characters to argue about.
JO studies KAFFEE for a moment.
JO
Are you drunk?
KAFFEE
(a simple answer)
Pretty much. Yeah.
JO (pause)
I’ll make a pot of coffee. We have
a long night’s work ahead.
NOTE: These couple of lines appear non confrontational, but underneath, the motives and emotions, as described before, come out through the way each interprets Kaffeee being drunk.
KAFFEE
She’s gonna make coffee. That’s
nice.
(beat)
He wasn’t in his room.
(Kaffee’s amazed)
He wasn’t even there.
(beat)
That was an important piece of
information, don’t you think?
NOTE: Kaffee let’s Jo have it after she offers to make coffee.
JO (pause)
Danny, it was just a setback. I’m
sorry. But we’ll fix it and then
move on to Markinson.
KAFFEE
Markinson’s dead.
NOTE: “Get with the program” meets “The program killed itself.”
JO and SAM are frozen.
KAFFEE says this with no particular feeling one way or the
other.
KAFFEE
(continuing)
You really gotta hand it to those
Federal Marshals, boy.
(he almost has to laugh)
It’s not like he hanged himself by
his shoelaces or slashed his wrists
with a concealed butter knife. This
guy got, into full dress uniform,
stood in the middle of that room,
drew a nickle plated pistol from
his holster, and fired a bullet
into his mouth.
NOTE: This isn’t just exposition. Since Kaffee doesn’t have anyone willing to argue whether Markinson’s death has an impact on the trial, Kaffee argues with the “Federal Marshals” and blames them for Markinson’s death.
Jo and SAM don’t say anything.
KAFFEE
(continuing)
Anyway, since we seem to be out of
witnesses, I thought I’d drink a
little.
NOTE: Like the trial lawyer he is, this line carries the subtext “I rest my case.” He’s perfectly entitled to get drunk.
JO
I still think we can win.
KAFFEE
Then maybe you should drink a
little.
JO
Look, we’ll go to Randolph in the
morning and make a motion for a
continuance. 24 hours.
KAFFEE
(beat)
Why would we want to do that?
JO
To subpoena Colonel Jessep.
KAFFEE
What?
JO
Listen for a second —
KAFFEE
No.
JO
Just hear me out —
KAFFEE
No. I won’t listen to you and I
won’t hear you out. Your passion is
comforting, Jo. It’s also useless.
Private Downey needed a trial
lawyer today.
JO
(pause)
You chicken-shit. You’re gonna use
what happened today as an excuse to
give up.
KAFFEE
It’s over!
JO
Why did you ask Jessep for the
transfer order?
NOTE: This fits Jo’s character. Jo is borderline incompetent as a trial lawyer, but as an investigator, she’s brilliant. She’s an internal affairs guru, takes note of everything, and is going to convince Kaffee to see this through.
KAFFEE
What are you —
JO
In Cuba. Why did you ask Jessep for
the transfer order?
KAFFEE
What does it matter —
JO
Why?!
KAFFEE
I wanted the damn transfer order!
JO
Bullshit! You could’ve gotten it by
picking up the phone and calling
any one of a dozen departments at
the Pentagon. You didn’t want the
transfer order. You wanted to see
Jessep’s reaction when you asked
for the transfer order. You had an
instinct. And it was confirmed by
Markinson. Now damnit, let’s put
Jessep on the stand and end this
thing!
NOTE: This is exposition, but the way it’s delivered isn’t through Kaffee explaining his position to the other characters (and by extension the audience). It’s given through Jo trying her best to convince Kaffee of why HE asked for the transfer order. There are actual stakes that come from this monologue because it rests on whether Jo can or can’t convince Kaffee.
KAFFEE
What possible good could come from
putting Jessep on the stand?
JO
He told Kendrick to order the Code
Red.
KAFFEE
He did?! Why didn’t you say so!?
That’s qreat! And of course you
have proof of that.
JO
I —
KAFFEE
Ah, I keep forgetting: You were
sick the day they taught law at law
school.
JO
You put him on the stand and you
get it from him!
NOTE: Jo is all heart and no skill, while Kaffee is all skill and no heart. Every line here establishes this, keeping the conflict going, while explaining exactly what the objectives are going to be from here on out. It’s an amazing way to hide exposition.
KAFFEE
Yes. No problem. We get it from
him.
(to SAM)
Colonel, isn’t it true that you
ordered the Code Red on Santiago?
SAM
Look, we’re all a little —
KAFFEE
I’m sorry, your time’s run out.
What do we have for the losers,
Judge? Well, for our defendants
it’s a lifetime at exotic Fort
Levenworth.
And for defense counsel Kaffee?
That’s right — it’s — a court —
martial. Yes, Johnny, after falsely
accusing a marine officer of
conspiracy, Lt. Kaffee will have a
long and prosperous career teaching
typewriter maintenance at the Rocco
Columbo School for Women. Thank you
for playing “Should We or Should-We-
Not Follow the Advice of the
Galacticly Stupid”.
NOTE: Not only does the script now reward us from the previous points of exposition with this role play, but the role play itself gives us the stakes and a scenario we can play out should Kaffee fail. Without this, the actual questioning of Jessep would lose about half of its emotional weight.
And with one motion, he knocks everything from his desk. A
ton of papers, books, files, etc., falls to the floor.
There’s dead silence. Maybe just the sound of KAFFEE
breathing after this exhausting outburst.
Finally…
JO
I’m sorry I lost you your set of
steak knives.
NOTE: Jo doesn’t just leave. She has the last word. And she hits it home that what they’re talking about are two different goals. Jo wants to rescue two marines from prison. Kaffee wants to avoid losing a court battle.
Jo picks up her purse and coat and walks out. The door slams
behind her.
KAFFEE walks into the kitchen without a word.
SAM gets down on the floor and begins picking up all the
stuff that Kaffee knocked off the desk.
KAFFEE comes back in with a bottle of Jack Daniels.
KAFFEE
Stop cleaning up.
NOTE: Arguing. Never stop the arguing/conflict, no matter how small.
But Sam continues.
KAFFEE
(continuing)
Sam. Stop cleaning up.
SAM stops and sits in a chair. KAFFEE sits on the couch.
KAFFEE
(continuing)
You want a drink?
SAM
Yeah.
SAM takes a swig from the bottle.
KAFFEE
Is your father proud of you?
NOTE: Kaffee starts a new argument: “I bet your father is proud of you. I bet my father is rolling in his grave.”
SAM
Don’t do this to yourself.
KAFFEE
I’ll bet he is. I’ll bet he bores
the shit outta the neighbors and
the relatives. “Sam, made Law
Review. He’s got a big case he’s
making — He’s arguing making an
argument.”
(pause)
I think my father would’ve enjoyed
seeing me graduate from law school.
(beat)
I think he would’ve liked that…
an awful lot.
SAM
Did I ever tell you that I wrote a
paper on your father in college?
KAFFEE
Yeah?
SAM
He was one of the best trial
lawyers ever.
KAFFEE
Yes he was.
NOTE: It seems like agreement, but the conversation isn’t about how great Lionel Kaffee is. The conversation is about whether Lt. Kaffee measures up to his father. Kaffee is arguing that he doesn’t measure up. This isn’t Kaffee agreeing with Sam. This is Kaffee declaring victory in his argument.
SAM
And if I were Dawson and Downey and
I had a choice between you or your
father to represent me in this
case, I’d take you any day of the
week and twice on Sunday. You
should have seen yourself thunder
away at Kendrick.
NOTE: Sam is arguing, not agreeing. Arguing in the right context can also be motivating, not just aggressive.
KAFFEE
Would you put Jessep on the stand?
SAM
No.
KAFFEE
You think my father would’ve?
SAM
With the evidence we’ve got? Not in
a million years. But here’s the
thing — and there’s really no way
of getting around this — neither
Lionel Kaffee nor Sam Weinberg are
lead counsel for the defense in the
matter of U.S. versus Dawson and
Downey. So there’s only one
question. What would you do?
NOTE: Sam won the argument, and with that and the question lingering there at the end of the scene, we have the perfect setup for what happens next.
We HOLD on the two of them for a moment, then
EXT. A SUBURBAN STREET – NIGHT
CUT TO:
JO is walking through the night at a brisk pace. She’s doing
her best not to fall apart.
TWO HEADLIGHTS appear coming down the street, and KAFFEE’s CAR, with SAM driving and KAFFEE riding shotgun, slows down alongside JO. KAFFEE rolls down his window.
KAFFEE
Joanne.
JO ignores them and keeps walking. The car crawls along with
her.
JO starts walking faster.
KAFFEE
(continuing)
Jo, we look ridiculous.
(to SAM)
Stop the car.
KAFFEE hops out and calls —
KAFFEE
(continuing)
Joanne.
JO keeps walking.
KAFFEE
(continuing)
I apologize. I was angry and… I’m
sorry about what I said.
NOTE: Jo doesn’t want an apology, she wants something more. The scene still has conflict and a visible goal: Get Jo back in his corner. Will he win or fail?
But JO’S still walking.
KAFFEE
(continuing; calling)
I’m gonna put Jessep on the stand.
NOTE: Boom!
She stops. She turns around.
NOTE: Kaffee wins here. The plot shifts. We get a payoff to the setup from the previous scene. The stakes are set at an all time high in this story, all from this one line.
SIDE NOTE: This is my favorite scene in any film, and it’s the bar I set for myself with every scene I write. Whether that’s good or bad, I don’t have enough experience to know yet. I do know that the setups and payoffs in this film, notably this one, are what make this movie my personal favorite.
-
Matthew Frendo’s Great Dialogue Scene from THE BIG LEBOWSKI
WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to make dialogue work with a character who is the epitome of laid back. I saw how they still made him an active character instead of passive participant and how the attack-counterattack strategy worked.
In this scene, the Dude (whose last name is Lebowski) goes to the house of Lebowski, who is a rich man. Gangsters came to the Dude’s house the night before, thinking he’s the other Lebowski, and peed on his rug. He now wants the money for the rug given back to him. It’s the first time they’ve met (also, the script had no slug lines, but they are in an office FYI).
Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized
wheelchair–Jeff Lebowski.
LEBOWSKI
Okay sir, you’re a Lebowski, I’m a
Lebowski, that’s terrific, I’m very
busy so what can I do for you?
(Right here, the subtext is you’re unimportant and I don’t care about you at all.)
He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him
as Brandt withdraws.
DUDE
Well sir, it’s this rug I have, really
tied the room together-
(This shows the Dude as a nice guy, compared to the other Lebowski.)
LEBOWSKI
You told Brandt on the phone, he
told me. So where do I fit in?
(Subtext: I have no time for you.)
DUDE
Well they were looking for you, these
two guys, they were trying to–
LEBOWSKI
I’ll say it again, all right? You
told Brandt. He told me. I know
what happened. Yes? Yes?
(Subtext grows to I don’t care about you at all.)
DUDE
So you know they were trying to piss
on your rug–
LEBOWSKI
Did I urinate on your rug?
DUDE
You mean, did you personally come
and pee on my–
LEBOWSKI
Hello! Do you speak English? Parla
usted Inglese? I’ll say it again.
Did I urinate on your rug?
(Now he’s outwardly treating him like shit and showing some vague racism, which shows us he’s not a good person…especially compared to the Dude. This is also a great example of attack-counterattack.)
DUDE
Well no, like I said, Woo peed on
the rug–
LEBOWSKI
Hello! Hello! So every time–I
just want to understand this, sir–
every time a rug is micturated upon
in this fair city, I have to
compensate the—
(Attack-counterattack gets bigger.)
DUDE
Come on, man, I’m not trying to scam
anybody here, I’m just–
LEBOWSKI
You’re just looking for a handout
like every other–are you employed,
Mr. Lebowski?
(Subtext is revealed…he doesn’t like Dude because he looks poor.)
DUDE
Look, let me explain something.
I’m not Mr. Lebowski; you’re Mr.
Lebowski. I’m the Dude. So that’s
what you call me. That, or Duder.
His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if,
you know, you’re not into the whole
brevity thing—
(Dude starts to fight back harder with counterattack.)
LEBOWSKI
Are you employed, sir?
DUDE
Employed?
LEBOWSKI
You don’t go out and make a living
dressed like that in the middle of a
weekday.
(Subtext is you’re a piece of shit for not being as rich as I am or do what I think is best.)
DUDE
Is this a–what day is this?
LEBOWSKI
But I do work, so if you don’t mind—
(Subtext is I work so I’m better than you…also it’s an insult to the Dude.)
DUDE
No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds.
This will not stand, ya know, this
will not stand, man. I mean, if
your wife owes—
(Counterattack grows and gets more intense.)
LEBOWSKI
My wife is not the issue here. I
hope that my wife will someday learn
to live on her allowance, which is
ample, but if she doesn’t, sir, that
will be her problem, not mine, just
as your rug is your problem, just as
every bum’s lot in life is his own
responsibility regardless of whom he
chooses to blame. I didn’t blame
anyone for the loss of my legs, some
chinaman in Korea took them from me
but I went out and achieved anyway.
I can’t solve your problems, sir,
only you can.
(Shows Lebowski’s character and attitude and adds deeper attack.)
The Dude rises.
DUDE
Ah fuck it.
(Shows character’s difference from Lebowski…he’s not mean spirited and doesn’t enjoy conflict like this while Lebowski relishes it.)
LEBOWSKI
Sure! Fuck it! That’s your answer!
Tattoo it on your forehead! Your
answer to everything!
(Attack is mocking him.)
The Dude is heading for the door.
LEBOWSKI
Your “revolution” is over, Mr.
Lebowski! Condolences! The bums
lost!
(Mocking him further. Serves as attack and shows his character and moves plot along as it makes them enemies by the end.)
As the Dude opens the door.
LEBOWSKI
…My advice is, do what your parents
did! Get a job, sir! The bums will
always lose– do you hear me,
Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS–
The Dude shuts the door on the old man’s bellowing to find
himself–
HALLWAY
–in a high coffered hallway. Brandt
is approaching.
BRANDT
How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?
DUDE
Okay. The old man told me to take
any rug in the house.
(Final counterattack is Dude just taking what he wants. Shows that he won’t take shit from someone, even if he is more peaceful. Also, sets up the next part of the plot. Subtext is “fuck that guy.”)
Another interesting aspect here is that Dude is losing the attack-counterattack battle all the way through by being a nice guy…but that changes at the end, when he shows his scheming side to win in an underhanded way. This made him an active character, instead of the passive one he seems at first.
-
DAY 1 What Makes Dialogue Great?
Lisa’s Great Dialogue Scene from MOONSTRUCK
What I learned is that there can be more than one meaning in the dialogue. That the dialogue serves the purpose of revealing character traits and relationships, subtext and meaning, mood and feelings, etc. It doesn’t have to be one thing.
There are many terrifically written scenes in Moonstruck and I could have chosen any number of them. I chose this scene because it stuck with me and over the years, I have thought about it…and repeated the last line in real life many times!
Set up: Family matriarch, Rose has gone to dinner by herself. She knows her husband Cosmo is cheating on her. Her interaction with Perry is full of subtext for her own life.
MOONSTRUCK
120 EXT. THE GRAND TICINO – NIGHT 122
The OVERTURE PLAYS THROUGH this ESTABLISHING SHOT and then FADES AWAY at the start of the NEXT SHOT. WE SEE Rose enter the restaurant.
121 INT. THE GRAND TICINO – NIGHT 123
The dinner crowd is in and most of the tables are occupied. The entranceway door opens and Rose enters.
She’s got herself up very nice. The host,
quickly approaches her. She’s very dignified.JIMMY
Hello, Mrs. Castorini! Mr. Castorini’s coming?
123 CONTINUED
ROSE
It’s just me. I want to eat.
NOTE: From the first line “I want to eat” we know she is a no-nonsense person. Her character is revealed.
JIMMY
Okay . I got a table for you right now.
Jimmy leads her to a table for two against the wall.
(continuing) This alright?
ROSE Fine.
He seats her.
JIMMY Enjoy your meal.
Jimmy breezes of 2 Chere(s another table—for-two against the wail to Rose’s front. SEE a woman’s back from Rose’s POV, and a pretty head of hair. This woman, whose name is SHEILA, is having an argument with the man across from her. But the man’s face is blocked by Sheila’s back and head, and the argument is too low to be made out. Bobo approaches Rose’s table.
BOBO
Good evening Mrs. Castorini.
You eating alone tonight?
ROSE
Hello, Bobo. Yes. Let me have a martini, no ice and two olives.
BOBO Very good.
NOTE: Her drink is an old-fashioned one, martini with no ice…makes her look tough and sure of herself, yet two olives—she knows what she likes!
Bobo heads off for the bar. The couple at the next table catches Rose’s attention again, and their argument becomes a little louder.
SHEILA’S VOICE
I’m trying to explain to you how I feel. Every time I try to explain how I feel, you explain how you feel. I don’t think that’s really much of a response.
UNSEEN MAN’S VOICE Well, it’s the only response 
I’<sup> </sup>ve got.NOTE: Man is selfish and not serious right off the bat. Reveals his character.
Bobo reappears with the martini and serves it.
BOBO
You wanna see a menu?
ROSE
Not yet. I ‘ll wait.
NOTE: Rose is into eavesdropping…you learn a lot from doing it.
Bobo is gone. Rose is mildly intrigued with the argument at the next table now. She tries to see past Sheila, to see the man, but she can’t without making too big a move. The argument goes on.
SHEILA’S VOICE, I really do hate it though, when you take that tone with me. Like you’re above it all and isn’t it amusing.
‘ s VOICE But it is, isn’t it?SHEILA’S VOICE Not to me! This is my life, no matter how damned comical it may seem to you. I don’t need some man standing above the struggle while I roll around in the mud!
MAN’s VOICE I think you like the mud and I don’t. That’s fair, isn’t it? If I don’t care to. . .
NOTE: Perry isn’t concerned about Sheila…and he called her a drama queen with the liking the “mud” comment…he does think he’s above it all.
Sheila stands up abruptly and flings a glass of water in the Man’s face. She pulls her coat off the back of her chair and stalks off. This whole operation took about two seconds. When she stalks off, the face of the Man becomes visible to Rose for the first time. It’s Perry, the professor in his 50’s, who appeared and was treated in a similar way in the earlier scene in this restaurant. His face is covered with beads of water. He pats his face with his napkin and apologizes ‘to CUSTOMERS at neighboring tables.
PERRY Sorry about that, folks.
a very pretty mental patient.
The Shy waiter arrives to assist Perry drying himself.
(continuing)
Don ‘t mind about me. But could you do me a favor and clear her place and take away all evidence of her, and bring me a big glass of vodka?
SHYWAITER Absolutely !
NOTE: We know now that Perry didn’t really care about Sheila…he wants all evidence of her removed! A narcissist.
The shy Waiter heads for the bar. For the first time, Perry notices Rose. They are facing each other with no obstacles in the way now.
PERRY
I’m sorry if we disturbed you.
ROSE
I’m not disturbed. By you.
PERRY
MY lady has a personality disorder.
ROSE
She was just too young for you.
NOTE: Rose tells him like it is and has no qualms about doing so. She sees a fool in front of her, but he can’t penetrate her wisdom and confidence. He can manipulate a young girl, but not Rose!
The Shy Waiter serves Perry his drink.
PERRY
(to the Waiter)
Thanks, comrade.
WAITER It’s nothing!
The Shy Waiter goes.
PERRY
(Rose’s comment
strikes home) Ouch. Too young! I just got that. You know how to hurt a guy . How old are you?ROSE
None of your business.
He drops his posturing.
Sorry . That was rude.
ROSE
Will you join me for dinner?
PERRY
Are you sure?
NOTE: What? She invites him to eat with her. She wants to study this fool specimen. Or does she not want to eat alone too?
She nods.
PERRY
(continuing)
Then I ‘d be delighted. I hate eating alone, and it’s amazing how often I end up doing just that.
124 ROSE AND PERRY ARE HALFWAY THROUGH THEIR DINNER 124
ROSE What do you do?
PERRY I ‘m a professor. I teach communications at N.Y. U.
ROSE
That woman was a student of yours?
PERRY
Sheila? Yes, she was.
ROSE
There’s an old saying my mother told me. Would you like to hear?
PERRY
Yes.
ROSE
Don’t shit where you eat.
<b align=”left”>NOTE:
Simple and to the point is Rose. Perry is a bit surprised at her directness. Attack/Counterattack
is here and through the rest of the scene. And adds humor!PERRY
(taken aback, then recovering)
I’ll remember that. What do you do?
ROSE
I’m a housewife.
74 .
124
124
PERRY
Then why are you eating alone?
ROSE
I ‘m not eating alone. Can I ask you a question?
NOTE: Rose is funny.
PERRY Go ahead.
ROSE
Why do men chase women?
PERRY (considers) Nerves.
ROSE
I think it’s because they fear death.
NOTE: Rose has thought about this. Perry doesn’t know that Cosmo is cheating on her, but the audience knows. The audience knows she’s trying to find answers through this stranger.
Maybe. You wanna know why I chase women? I find women charming. I teach these classes I’ve taught for a million years. The spontaneity ran out of it for me a long time ago. I started off & I was excited about something and I wanted to share it. Now it’s rote , it’s the multiplication table. Except sometimes. Sometimes I’m droning along and I look up, and there’s this fresh young beautiful face, and it’s all new to her and I ‘m this great guy who’s just brilliant and thinks out loud. And when that happens, when I look out among those chairs and look at a young woman’s face, and see Me there in her eyes, Me the way I always wanted to be and maybe once was , then I ask her out on a date. It doesn’t last. It can go for a few weeks or a couple of precious months, but then she catches on that I ‘m just a burnt-out old gasbag and that she’s as fresh and bright and full of promise as moonlight in a martini.
(MORE)
124 CON71 : (2 )
124
(cont ‘d) And at that moment, she stands up and throws a glass of water in my face, or some action to that effect.
NOTE: Perry is a man who loves to hear himself talk and thinks he’s figured it all out.
ROSE
What you don’t know about women is a lot.
NOTE: This is one of my favorite lines in film! Rose in her succinct way has summed up Perry and the whole scene in one sentence. Hilarious and poignant all at once!
-
June Fortunato’s Great Dialogue Scene from Birdman Day 1 of dialogue
What I learned: Randomly chosen scene near the beginning. I haven’t seen the movie since it came out. Most excellent scripts have great dialogue- this is one of them.
——-
And with that a light comes barreling down from it’s perch and crashes into Ralph’s head, making him hit the floor like a rag doll. Silence.
LAURA Holy shit.
Lesley and Annie (35), the Stage Manager, run over to Ralph who is out cold. Not knowing what to do, they stare at him.
LESLEY Is he breathing?
Jake runs toward the stage.
JAKE Someone call 911!
Riggan slowly backs away from the chaos.
LAURA Is that blood coming out of his ear?
JAKE (To Riggan.) Where are you going?
LESLEY Okay, he’s breathing. What did he have for lunch? NOTE: This line is particularly offbeat and sets the tone of the movie.
LAURA Did anyone call for help?
ANNIE(Clapping.) Wake up! Wake up!
Two crew members try to help Ralph.
CREW MEMBER Grab his legs. I got the top.
JAKE Don’t move him! Wait for the ambulance.(Calling out.) For the love of God! I could get a black audience in this theater faster than a doctor! NOTE: This is a brilliant line.
Riggan heads off the stage, and Jake chases after him. We follow them as…
INT. HALLWAY – THEATER – CONTINUOUS…they walk through the corridor.
JAKE Where are you going? We’ll have the understudy ready to rehearse in five–
NOTE: I love that the scene is active and that the dialogue is motivated by strong desires of each <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>character.
RIGGAN Forget the understudy. We have to postpone the preview.
JAKE What are you– It’s a full house. We would have to refund all the–
RIGGAN Then do it.
A crew member· passes in the opposite direction.
CREW MEMBER·How’s Ralph?
RIGGAN He’ll be fine. NOTE: He has no idea but the brushes it off. Great character reveal.
JAKE Wait. Wait. Fuck. Wait.
RIGGAN: Listen to me. It was going to be a disaster. That guy’s the worst actor I’ve ever seen. The blood coming out of his ear was the most honest thing he’s done so far.
NOTE Love this line! Sardonic. The truth comes out.
JAKE He’s not that bad.
Riggan stops in his tracks and stares at Jake.
JAKE (CONT’D)Okay, he’s fucking horrible. But–
NOTE: Brilliant take back.
Riggan starts walking again.
JAKE You have the press in your dressing room in a few hours. How are we–
RIGGAN I’ll make something up.
Two Technicians· hurry up in the opposite direction.
RIGGAN Jake. This happened for a reason. It wasn’t an accident.
JAKE What do you mean?
RIGGANI– (A beat.) I made it happen. NOTE: Love this opportunity to express the inner life of
this guy- his beliefs that he can will magical things to happen. It also asks the question- did he rig <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>the light?
JAKE Oh. Okay.(Beat.)Are you drunk?
RIGGAN Find me an actor. A good actor. Philip Seymour Hoffman…
NOTE: This sequence of naming actors is particularly fun.
JAKE He’s doing the third Hunger Games.
RIGGAN Michael Fassbender?
JAKE Doing the prequel to the X-Men prequel.
They arrive at Riggan’s dressing room.
RIGGAN What’s his name? Jeremy Renner…
JAKE Who?
RIGGANT he… the Hurt Locker guy.
JAKE Yeah. He’s an Avenger.
RIGGAN(With disgust.)Fuck. They put him in a cape, too?
NOTE: Brilliant end to the running gag. Great payoff.
(A beat.) Look, I don’t care. Find me someone.
Riggan enters…
INT. RIGGAN’S DRESSING ROOM – THEATER – CONTINUOUS...his dressing room and tries to shut the door. Jake, still in the corridor, stops it with his foot.
JAKE (Sticking his head in.) Ralph’ll sue us. He’ll sue us. And he’s got a case.
Riggan releases the door.
RIGGANT Then make him go away.
NOTE: It’s also the staging that makes the dialogue work so well.
JAKE How do you suggest I do that?
RIGGAN You’re my lawyer, my producer and my oldest friend. We are going to make this work. Now just get out there and do what you were born to do.
JAKE What’s that?
RIGGAN I have no idea. But I have faith. Now go away from me.
JAKE Do you think we should–
Riggan slams the door shut on Jake.
NOTE: Love this scene because it’s so fast, sets up the movie, sets up Riggan as the lead and as <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>someone with odd notions of his power- sets up the world.
-
Kates Great Dialogue Scene from THE TRUMAN SHOW
What I learned from this assignment is really good dialogue doesn’t shout ‘Look at me! I’m great dialogue.’ It reads absolutely ‘natural/casual’ until you stop and dissect it.
INT. TRUMAN’S HOUSE – NURSERY. NIGHT.
IN GENERAL THIS LITTLE SCENE
• SHOWS HOW THIS RELATIONSHIP WORKS EVEN AS WE SEE THE CRACKS
(MERYL IS USED TO BEING IN CHARGE)
• USES RANGE IF ATTACK TACTICS FROM MERYL
• SHOWS TRUMAN IS BEGINNING TO THINK OUTSIDE ‘THE BOX’ AND BREAK OUT OF WHAT IS ‘THE NORM’
The drenched TRUMAN enters to find MERYL, in the unfinished nursery, comparing wallpaper samples. Meryl wears a robe, a glimpse of black negligee beneath.
MERYL Where have you been?
TRUMAN
(wringing out his jacket)
I’ve been thinking–
MERYL (rolling her eyes)
Oh, God.
TRUMAN
(ignoring the reception)
–I figure we could scrape together eight thousand.
MERYL (exasperated)
Every time you and Marlon–
ATTACK AND LETS US KNOW THIS IS AN OLD COMPLAINT
TRUMAN
–We could bum around the world for a year on that.
MERYL
And then what, Truman? We’d be back to where we were five years ago. You’re talking like a teenager.
ATTACK
TRUMAN
Maybe I feel like a teenager.
COUNTER ATTACK
MERYL
We’re mortgaged to the eyeballs, Truman. There’s the car payments. Are we just going to walk away from our financial obligations?
ATTACK
Truman, still dripping on the floor, holds Meryl by the arms. He talks excitedly to her the way we imagine he did when they were courting.
TRUMAN
It’d be an adventure.
A HINT OF WHO HE WAS – ENDEARS US TO HIM
MERYL
I thought we were going to try for a baby. Isn’t that enough of an adventure?
SETS UP THRE BABY THING AS FUTURE CONFLICT – HIGHLIGHTS HIS DISINTEREST IN THAT
TRUMAN
That can wait. I want to get away. See some of the world. Explore.
FORESHADOWS THAT HE IS NOT EVEN ‘IN THE WORLD’
Meryl gives a derisive laugh.
MERYL
You want to be an explorer? You don’t even have a passport, Truman. I bet you don’t even know how to get one.
SHOWS WHO’S BOSS HERE
The words sting. Truman turns away. Seeing the pain she’s caused, she changes tack.
MERYL
This’ll pass. Everybody thinks like this now and then.
(making an attempt at seduction) Come to bed.
SHOWS A PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR…
TRUMAN
I think I’m going to stay up for a while.
HE BREAKS IT
-
PS81 – Dana’s Great Dialogue Scene from LA Confidential
This scene from LA Confidential establishes the motivations and the subtexts of the three antagonists and begins their character arcs that evolve throughout the film. This screenplay (film) is one of the most intricate I’ve read (watched).
After a police riot, the three main characters are brought before the Chief, the DA and their Captain for disciplinary action.
SCENE
INT. CHIEF’S OFFICE – DAY
The CHIEF sits behind a desk in a four-star uniform. Dudley Smith sits to his left, D.A. Ellis Loew to his right. Seen earlier at the Mickey Cohen press conference, Loew is the only civilian. Bud White stands across from them. There to be judged.
CHIEF
Officer White, you’ve refused to cooperate with Internal Affairs. But you should know this is bigger than a police board. Indictments may be handed down. Quite frankly, we need police witnesses to offset the damage done to the Department’s image. Will you testify?Bud glances to a gray tinted mirror, then to the Chief.
BUD
No, sir. I won’t.The Chief sighs, looks to Loew.
CHIEF
District Attorney Loew.Loew steps to Bud, holds up a newspaper with the cell block photo. The headline: “BLOODY CHRISTMAS.”
LOEW
Bloody Christmas. The press love to label. You and Officer Stensland brought the liquor into the precinct. Stensland was already drunk. Do you see how appearing as a voluntary witness against him could offset the damage you’ve done to yourself?BUD
I won’t do it.
(staring at mirror)
I won’t testify against my partner or anyone else.NOTE: Bud is uncompromising, tough and loyal, even if it costs him everything.
LOEW
This man is a disgrace.NOTE: The DA, a politician, calling a Bud a disgrace is a badge of honor. The DA reveals he’s a self-righteous and maybe hiding a little dirt himself.
CHIEF
Your badge and gun, Officer.
(Bud sets them on The Chief’s desk.)
This is the new L.A.P.D., White. You’re suspended from duty and dismissed.Turning, White shoots the mirror a stiff middle finger as he makes his way out. Dudley Smith hides a smile.
OTHER SIDE OF GLASS
Exley watches, involuntarily leans back as Bud passes on the other side of the glass.
THE CHIEF’S OFFICE
Dudley, Loew and The Chief wait as Exley enters.
CHIEF
Ed, your observations have been astute. What’s your assessment of this situation?EXLEY
The public demands justice, sir. This was a full-fledged riot of policemen. Shift the guilt to men whose pensions are secured. Force them to retire. But someone has to swing. Indict, try and convict Stensland and Bud White. Secure them jail time. Feed them to the sharks, sir. Protect yourself; protect the department.NOTE: Exley’s honest and smart, seemingly straight forward, but he’s also calculating and willing to please the brass by selling out other cops.
Dudley gives Exley a look. He’s angry with him.
DUDLEY
Stensland’s a disgrace. Straight D fitness reports from every C.O. he ever served under. But White is a valuable officer.EXLEY
White’s a mindless thug.NOTE: Exley despises Bud as inferior to himself. Exley is arrogant.
DUDLEY
No, Edmund. He’s a man who can answer yes to those questions I ask you from time to time.NOTE: Dudley’s an old school cop, and while he respects Exley, he admires Bud for his loyalty he shows toward his partners. Dudley may have dirty skeletons in his own closet.
The Chief interrupts with his own concern.
CHIEF
I want to know who we give the public in contrast? The department needs role models. Clean-cut, FORTHRIGHT men the public can admire.EXLEY
I’ll testify, sir. I’m not afraid to do what’s right.CHIEF
And I’ll promote you. You’ll be a lieutenant immediately.Exley seizes the moment, going over Dudley’s head.
EXLEY
DETECTIVE lieutenant.The Chief and Dudley exchange a look. Neither approves.
CHIEF
Ed, you’re 30. Your father didn’t make lieutenant until he was 33.EXLEY
I know that, sir. I also know that when he made lieutenant, it was as a detective.NOTE: Exley’s competing with his father’s memory. And he’s political, willing to use a crisis to his own advantage.
LOEW
(interrupting)
Before we start polishing our laurels, it would look better if we had a corroborative witness.DUDLEY
That’ll be hard to come by. The men hate a turncoat.EXLEY
Jack Vincennes. He’s the technical advisor on ‘Badge of Honor,’ sir. He lives for it. That’s the way to get him.NOTE: Exley will snitch anyone to get what he wants.
CHIEF
All right, Ed.
(into desk intercom)
Call Sergeant Vincennes.As Exley starts out, Dudley pulls him aside, speaks low.
DUDLEY
You’ll reap the benefits, but are you truly prepared to be despised within the department?EXLEY
Yes, Dudley. I am.DUDLEY
So be it.NOTE: Exley’s ambition is naïve. He’s will to be despised by other cops, believing he’s being noble.
JACK VINCENNES. Looking sharp, he strides down the hall, enters the…
CHIEF’S OFFICE
Round two. Centered on Jack. Exley is gone.
DUDLEY
Sergeant, we’ll get right to it. Nine civilian witnesses have identified you as hitting Ezekiel Garcia.LOEW
But my office has a stellar witness who will tell the grand jury that you hit back only after being hit.JACK
What do I have to do?LOEW
Testify against the three officers who have already earned their pensions. Our key witness will testify roundly, but you can plead ignorance to questions directed at the other men.CHIEF
I’ll guarantee you a slap on the wrist. A brief suspension followed by a temporary transfer from Narcotics to Ad Vice.
(a beat)
When you transfer out of Vice, you’ll be back on the show.JACK
The show, sir?NOTE: Jack’s more concerned with his notoriety than his career as a cop —
CHIEF
Badge of Honor, Vincennes. We need to tone down your profile for a bit.The Chief just got Jack where he lives.
DUDLEY
John, I doubt you’ve ever drawn a stupid breath. Don’t start now.JACK
Okay. I’ll do it.NOTE: Jack’s about his own self-preservation.
Smiles all around. Loew smiles at the two-way. A move not lost on Jack who wonders who might be on the other side.
CHIEF
Dismissed, Vincennes.Jack leaves. The Chief steps to the mirror, looks through.
CHIEF
So be it. DETECTIVE Lieutenant.OTHER SIDE OF GLASS
Exley clenches his fist in victory. The Chief continues.
CHIEF
Ace them at the grand jury tomorrow, son. Wear the smart-looking suit and ace them. And, Ed? Lose the glasses.NOTE: Real cops don’t wear glasses.
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Day 1: (Advanced Dialogue) – Anita’s Great Dialogue Scene from ‘Lady Bird’
FOR SOME REASON, WORDPRESS PUTS IN ALL THIS FORMATTING MESS LIKE:
INT. 1994 <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city
w:st=”on”>TOYOTA</st1:city></st1:place> COROLLA.
<st1:state w:st=”on”><st1:place
w:st=”on”>CALIFORNIA</st1:place></st1:state>. DAY.…WHENEVER A PLACE OR DATE IS INTRODUCED. USUALLY I TAKE THE TIME TO CLEAN IT UP – BUT NOT TODAY, AS I AM ALREADY BEHIND ON ASSIGNMENTS. SORRY.
What I learned: We learn so much about personality through this combative exchange. It makes the rare moments that these 2 do get along stand out all the more in stark relief. They are both true to their identities throughout.
NOTE: This is the 2<sup>nd</sup> scene of the movie, having established a mother / daughter trip.
INT. 1994 <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>TOYOTA</st1:city></st1:place> COROLLA. <st1:state w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>CALIFORNIA</st1:place></st1:state>. DAY.
The last sentences of The Grapes of Wrath.
AUDIOBOOK
“Her hand moved behind his head and supported it. Her fingers moved gently in his hair. She looked up and across the barn, and her lips came together and smiled mysteriously.” You have been listening to ‘The Grapes of Wrath’ by John Steinbeck. If you..
(Pause)
Lady Bird ejects the tape, returns it to the case from the public library. They are both crying.
LADY BIRD (looking on the back)
Our college trip took 21 hours and 5 minutes.
NOTE: Succinct way to sum up the reason for their trip, and its duration.
They laugh and then wipe their tears. It’s a nice moment – they both had the same emotion.
Lady Bird immediately starts looking for a good song on the radio.
NOTE: These 2 are more alike than Lady Bird would want to acknowledge.
<st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:place></st1:city>
(turning it off)
Hey, you know, let’s just sit with what we heard?
NOTE: Establishes ‘Controlling Mom’.
LADY BIRD
(bristling)
Are you serious?
NOTE: Establishes ‘Combative Teenager’.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:city></st1:place>
We don’t need to be constantly entertaining ourselves, do we?
Lady Bird stares out the window, now sullen. Then:
LADY BIRD
I wish I could live through something.
NOTE: Angst and discontent signaled in a few short words.
<st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:place></st1:city>
Aren’t you?
LADY BIRD
Nope. The only exciting thing about 2002 is that it’s a palindrome.
NOTE: LB is both sarcastic and intelligent.
<st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:place></st1:city>
Ok fine, yours is the worst life of all, you win.
LADY BIRD
Oh so now you’re mad? Because I wanted to listen to music?
<st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:place></st1:city>
It’s just that you’re being ridiculous, you have a great life.
LADY BIRD
I’m sorry I’m not perfect.
<st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:place></st1:city>
Nobody is asking you to be perfect! Just considerate would do.
NOTE: They have both dug their heels in and are really squaring off.
LADY BIRD
(really picking a fight)
I don’t even want to go to school in this state anyway, I hate <st1:state w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>California</st1:place></st1:state>. I want to go to the East Coast.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:city></st1:place>
Your Dad and I will barely be able to afford in-state tuition.
NOTE: This sets up a recurring theme with <st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Marion</st1:place></st1:city> (concern over money) and the tension between 2 different perspectives, as LB only comes from a place of emotion.
LADY BIRD
There are loans, scholarships!
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:city></st1:place>
Your brother, your very smart brother, can’t even find a job –
NOTE: A real dig here.
LADY BIRD
He and Shelly work. They have jobs.
<st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:place></st1:city>
THEY BAG AT THE GROCERY STORE. That is not a career and they went to <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>BERKELEY</st1:city></st1:place>.
NOTE: Escalation to exasperation.
<st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:place></st1:city>
Your father’s company is laying people off right and left, did you know that? No of course not because you don’t care about anyone but yourself.
NOTE: The crux of the matter for Marion – who sacrifices everything for her family and worries for survival while feeling underappreciated by a self-centered daughter – who can really push her buttons.
<st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:place></st1:city>
Immaculate Heart is already a luxury.
LADY BIRD
Immaculate FART. You wanted that, not me!
NOTE: LB’s immaturity comes out.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:city></st1:place>
Miguel saw someone knifed in front of him at Sac High, is that what you want? You’re telling me that you want to see someone knifed right in front of you?
NOTE: Sarcasm, escalating the argument.
LADY BIRD
He barely saw that. I want to go where culture is, like <st1:state w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>New York</st1:place></st1:state>.
<st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:place></st1:city>
How in the world did I raise such a SNOB?
LADY BIRD
Or at least <st1:state w:st=”on”>Connecticut</st1:state> or <st1:state w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>New Hampshire</st1:place></st1:state>. Where writers live in the woods.
NOTE: LB ignores her mother’s comment.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:city></st1:place>
You couldn’t get into those schools anyway.
LADY BIRD
MOM!
<st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:place></st1:city>
You can’t even pass your driver’s test.
LADY BIRD
Because you wouldn’t let me practice enough!
NOTE: The blame game.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:city></st1:place>
The way you work, the way you don’t work, you’re not even worth state tuition, Christine.
LADY BIRD
MY NAME IS LADY BIRD!
<st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:place></st1:city> (CONT’D)
Well actually, it’s not, and it’s ridiculous. Your name is Christine.
LADY BIRD
CALL ME LADY BIRD LIKE YOU SAID YOU WOULD!
NOTE: We now see how far apart they really are, from big life choices, to the smallest details.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>MARION</st1:city></st1:place>
You should just go to <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placetype w:st=”on”>City</st1:placetype> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>College</st1:placetype></st1:place>, with your work ethic. <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>City</st1:placetype> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>College</st1:placetype> and then to jail then back to <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placetype w:st=”on”>City</st1:placetype> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>College</st1:placetype></st1:place>. Maybe you’d learn how to pull yourself up and not expect everyone to do everything for you…
NOTE: The attitude of her mother pushes Lady Bird into such a corner, she feels she needs to physically escape to get out of this argument –
They slow for a stop light and Lady Bird dramatically opens the door and rolls out of the car. <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>Marion</st1:city></st1:place> screams.
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SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE Written by Simon Beaufoy 1 INT. JAVED'S SAFE-HOUSE. BATHROOM. NIGHT. 1 An expensive bathroom suite. Excess of marble and gold taps. Into the bath, a hand is scattering rupee notes. Hundreds and hundreds of notes, worth hundreds of thousands of rupees. The sound of a fist thumping on the bathroom door, furious shouting from the other side. JAVED O/S Salim! Salim! 2 INT. STUDIO. BACKSTAGE. DAY. 2 Darkness. Then, glimpses of faces. In the half-light, shadowy figures move with purpose. An implacable voice announces. TALKBACK V/O Ten to white-out, nine, eight, seven...PREM
Are you ready? Silence. A hand shakes a shoulder a little too roughly. PREM (CONT'D) I said are you ready? JAMAL Yes. 3 INT. JAVED'S SAFE-HOUSE. BATHROOM. NIGHT. 3 The thumping at the door continues. The sound of mumbled Indian prayer. Dull gleam of a pistol. A hand cracks the chamber open. Loads a single bullet into the chamber, snaps the chamber shut. TALKBACK V/O ...three, two, one, zero. Cue Prem, cue applause... Suddenly, the door splinters as it is smashed through. A burst of gun-fire and white light as suddenly... 4 INT. STUDIO. NIGHT. 4 ...we are back in the studio, the gun-fire morphing into rapturous applause. (CONTINUED) 2. 4 CONTINUED: 4 TALKBACK V/O Go, Prem. A wall of light and noise as the two walk on stage. Cheering, music, banks of searing studio lights. On stage, Jamal, an eighteen year-old Indian boy-man stares, petrified. He would surely turn and run but for the iron grip on his shoulder of the smiling host, Prem Kumar. PREM Welcome to Who Wants To Be A Millionaire! More applause. PREM (CONT'D) Please give a warm welcome to our first contestant of the night- a local from our very own Mumbai! Under cover of the wild applause, Prem ushers Jamal towards the guest's chair, leaning in and hissing. PREM (CONT'D) Smile, dammit.Immediately this tells you that something is very off. This tiny amount of dialogue "Smile dammit" helps me make sense of the disorienting begining of the film. The lights seem to bore into him but Jamal manages a tentative smile. Out of nowhere, a hand slaps him ferociously across the face. Then again and again. Blood trickles from his mouth. 5 INT. POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM. NIGHT. 5 The studio lights have seamlessly transformed into the harsh bulb of an interrogation light. Jamal is strung from the ceiling by his arms. CONSTABLE SRINIVAS Your name, bhen chod. Constable Srinivas's hand pulls back Jamal's head by the hair, forcing him to stare directly into the lights. CONSTABLE SRINIVAS (CONT'D) Your name! JAMAL Jamal Malik. And seamlessly we are back.... 3. 6 INT. STUDIO. NIGHT. 6 ...on the set of Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Prem leans back in his chair, a man at home in his surroundings. Jamal sits opposite, frozen. PREM So, Jamal, tell us a bit about yourself. Close on Jamal's face. Without warning, it is shoved under water. 7 INT. BUCKET. NIGHT. 7 We look up from the bottom of the bucket at the screaming face of a drowning man. His head shakes desperately, pointlessly. Then Jamal's face is dragged up again, roaring for breath. Close on his eyes. JAMAL V/O I work in a call centre. In Juhu.Now, through shots, action and this tiny bit of dialogue; we get the picture that we are witnessing a corrupt show and a tramatized boy having flashbacks.
8 INT. STUDIO. NIGHT. 8 PREM A Phone-basher! And what type of call centre would this be?Sub text deliberately trying to unnerve and humilate Jamal, Prem already knows what and who the boy is. JAMAL XL 5. Mobile phones. PREM Aha! So, you're the man who rings me up every single day of my life with Special Offers, huh? JAMAL No, actually, I'm an assistant. PREM An Assistant Phone-basher? A raised eye-brow at the audience. Amusement ruffles through them. PREM (CONT'D) And what does an Assistant Phone- basher do, exactly? JAMAL I- I get tea for people and- (CONTINUED) 4. 8 CONTINUED: 8 PREM - a chi-wallah! Why didn't you say?It ia understood in Indian culture that a chai wallah is the lowest on the pecking order, save for those who clean the latrines. He has been humilated on purpose by Prem.
Laughter in the audience. PREM (CONT'D) So, ladies and gentlemen, Jamal Malik from Mumbai, let's play Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...! 9 OMITTED 9 10 INT. POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM. DAY. 10 Jamal's body dangles motionless from the ceiling. His head is bowed and he is moaning to himself. The ceiling fan thumps round slowly. In the corner, Constable Srinivas mops his brow and lights a cigarette. Hot work. The door opens and the Inspector of Police walks in. A rumpled man in his late forties who has seen pretty much everything. He eyes Jamal, surprised. INSPECTOR Has he confessed, yet? CONSTABLE SRINIVAS Apart from his name, I can't get a word out of the runt. INSPECTOR You've been here all bloody night, Srinivas. What have you been doing? Srinivas shrugs. CONSTABLE SRINIVAS Tough guy. INSPECTOR A little electricity will loosen his tongue.Constable Srinivas brings a box and a tangle of wires out of a cupboard and proceeds to put crocodile clips on Jamal's fingers. The Inspector stares, deep in thought. Sweat trickles down his face. He wipes it away with a handkerchief, seems to be talking to himself. INSPECTOR (CONT'D) Every night I get home, "why can't we have a/c like Bajan Chacha? (MORE) (CONTINUED) 5. 10 CONTINUED: 10 INSPECTOR (CONT'D) Why don't you care about your poor family, dying in this heat." Twenty-four years a policeman and I can't afford bloody a/c. Turns on Jamal. INSPECTOR (CONT'D) But you. You've got ten million rupees ek dum guaranteed, yaar? And who knows how much further? Fancy the twenty million, do you?Here we understand that the inspector is resentful of Jamal's wealth from the reality show. Jamal can escape poverty, the police inspector cannot except through corruption. Jamal just stares. INSPECTOR (CONT'D) I think you probably do. The Inspector nods absently to Constable Srinivas who turns a handle. Jamal's body pulsates and jerks. He screams. His body goes limp again. The Inspector goes over to Jamal. INSPECTOR (CONT'D) So. Were you wired up? A mobile or a pager, correct? Some little hidden gadget? No? A coughing accomplice in the audience? Microchip under the skin, huh? Constable Srinivas hadn't thought of that. Grabs Jamal's arms and starts squeezing them all over until the Inspector has had enough. INSPECTOR (CONT'D) Srinivas! Look, it's hot, my wife is giving me hell, I've got a desk full of murderers, rapists, extortionists, assorted bum-bandits...and you. Why don't you save us both a lot of time? Hmm?Here we experience dread, as the dialogue indicates they are about to intensify the torture. Jamal doesn't answer. The Inspector sighs and sits down. Looks at his watch, nods at Constable Srinivas again. Jamal's body jerks with electric current. When the shudders and screams have subsided, the Inspector goes over to Jamal's collapsed form. Clicks his fingers in front of Jamal's face to check for a response. INSPECTOR OF POLICE He's unconscious, chutiya. What good is that? How many times have I told you-? (Chutiya means a stupid asshole of a person.) Dialogue implies he might have killed the assest; Jamal. CONSTABLE SRINIVAS Sorry, Sir. (CONTINUED) 6. 10 CONTINUED: (2) 10 An excited Young Police Constable sticks his head around the door. YOUNG CONSTABLE He's coming! Sir. INSPECTOR Ar� wa, Srinivas, we'll have Amnesty International in here next, peeing their pants about human rights. Get him down, tidy him up, for God's sake. Constable Srinivas goes over to Jamal and starts to undo the crocodile clips. CONSTABLE SRINIVAS Maybe he did know the answers.Introducing the possibility of Jamal being an honest contestant and the futility of torture. INSPECTOR Have you gone soft, Srinivas? Professors, lawyers, doctors, General Knowledge Wallahs never get beyond sixteen thousand rupees. And he's on ten million? What the hell can a slum dog possibly know? Jamal lifts his head.I just love the defiance in the face of unspeakable cruelty. JAMAL The answers. He lifts his head, spits blood out of his mouth and says again, straight into the Inspector's face. JAMAL (CONT'D) I know the answers. 11-
This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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Antonio Flores’ Great Dialogue Scene from: Lucy
What I learned from this assignment is
Got to grasp this: make every line count, have purpose, and sound natural
This is from the opening scenes. It’s the morning after a wild party night. Lucy is about to part from Richard, when he asks her to deliver a briefcase to the front desk of a building. Lucy – cautious, skeptical – and Richard – cunning, cynic – have an extended rally of dialogue strikes.
EXT. STREET, TAIPEI – SUNRISE
The first ray of the sun’s light streams between the buildings of Taipei, touching the face of LUCY, 25. Last night’s make-up caked on her skin. She has been up all night.
She wears a tight leopard print miniskirt, and is trying †o get her jacket on her bare shoulders. RICHARD, 28, is standing next to her in vintage ray bans and a Bono-style Stetson.
Lucy takes a sip of her coffee from a Taiwanese Starbucks.
RICHARD
Lucy, it’s easy as pie. In, out, all done and dusted.
LUCY
So, why don’t you do it yourself?
RICHARD
(syrupy)
For fun, that ‘s all! The last thing the guy is expecting is a total 10 turning up to deliver his case. It will blow his mind. Oh, man!
=======================
DIALOGUE SUBTEXT: Richard is hiding something. That’s not the real reason why he doesn’t do the task himself.
=======================
She takes another sip of coffee, turning her face to the sun.
LUCY
What’s in it?
=======================
DIALOGUE REVEALING CHARACTER: Lucy might be a reckless wild party girl and yet, she is a cautious person
=======================
RICHARD
(shrugs)
Sweetheart! Don’t get paranoid on me! It’s fifty feet! And I’m right here! You trust me, don‘t you?
CUT:
FLASH of Lucy and Richard crazy on the dance floor.
FLASH of them drinking champagne and laughing.
FLASH of Richard filling a glass of champagne, and put a pill in it. Lucy shoots it down, without noticing.
FLASH of Lucy laughing
FLASH of Lucy being taken by Richard in the restrooms.
The Neanderthals aren‘t far away.
BACK TO SCENE
LUCY
I gotta go.
=======================
DIALOGUE SUBTEXT: No. I don’t trust you.
=======================
Lucy kisses him on the cheek, starts to go. Richard looks nervous, grabs her by the arm.
RICHARD
Hey, Lucy, Lucy!!! What are you doing?
=======================
DIALOGUE REVEALING CHARACTER: Richard is cunning, persistent.
=======================
LUCY
I have exams on Monday, Richard. So I’m gonna take a shower and work!
RICHARD
Hey, you know the other day, somebody dragged me to an exhibition –something about dinosaurs– and the first ever-prehistoric woman was right there. Know what? Her name was Lucy.
=======================
DIALOGUE METAPHOR: This is what Richard thinks of Lucy
=======================
INSERT:
The real prehistoric Lucy sits half-naked, gazing blankly at the camera.
BACK TO SCENE:
Miniskirt Lucy stares at Richard.
LUCY
And that’s supposed to make me feel better?
=======================
DIALOGUE SUBTEXT: You are an insolent moron and I can’t stand you
=======================
RICHARD
(realizes)
Yeah, no, I mean… Sorry! I guess I meant Lennon and McCartney‘s Lucy!
Lucy gives him a blank look. Richard hums the tune.
RICHARD (CONT’D)
(sings)
Lucy in the sky with dia-a-a-monds!
=======================
DIALOGUE REVEALING CHARACTER: Richard is a cynic. For him, Lucy is to be used for his selfish interest and pleasure.
=======================
Lucy rolls her eyes.
LUCY
I’ll call you this week.
=======================
DIALOGUE SUBTEXT: She’s not going to call a jerk like him. Yet, she tries to politely dismiss him.
=======================
She‘s ready to go.
Richard grabs her again by the arm. On the edge.
RICHARD
Lucy! Look, I can’t deliver the case myself. I had a little falling-out with the guy. Nothing major but… If we run into each other now, it’s gonna be a bit tense and who needs that right now? If it‘s you, problem’s solved. He takes the case, end of story.
=======================
DIALOGUE SUBTEXT: Again, that’s not the reason, but Richard is desperate and he is not going to tell the real reason, anyway.
=======================
Lucy sighs.
RICHARD (CONT’D)
It’ll take twenty seconds. You walk in there, go up to reception and ask for Mr. Wang. He comes down, takes the case, you flash him your prettiest smile and bounce. Look! You can see the reception from here! I won’t take my eyes off you. I‘ll even press my nose up against the window if you want.
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Day 1- What Makes Dialogue Great – Assignment
Mike O – Great Dialogue Scene –
What I learned from this assignment is less is more when it comes to dialogue. Concrete verbs, hold the adjectives and always be thrusting and parrying.
1. Pick a 1 – 5 page scene of a script you love that you believe has great dialogue.
2. Paste the scene into an email and make a note every time you see an example of high quality dialogue. You’re invited to point out anything you believe causes that line to be exceptional in some way.
=====================================================
From “Fringe” (pilot episode)
EXT. LOGAN AIRPORT – NIGHT
PUSH IN, past the (signature, three-dimensional) WORDS THAT
FADE IN: “LOGAN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT – BOSTON” – this is an access gate –- three POLICE CARS are here, lights BLAZING, FLASHING in the night.
Olivia pulls up in her black hybrid Lexus, shows her creds.
OLIVIA “Olivia Warren, FBI.”
Guards check her ID, squawk walkies, wave her in. BOOM UP to reveal the JUMBO JET from the opening, a light-show of two dozen EMERGENCY VEHICLES, including a CRANE, surrounding it.
Olivia parks, gets out –- crosses half a dozen FEDERAL AGENTS, all ARGUING issues of protocol, information, jurisdiction. An angry, heated fight.
Olivia continues past them, met by 43 year-old fellow Agent CHARLIE FRANCIS.
CHARLIE “Inter-agency harmony and cooperation continues.”
OLIVIA “Who’s winning?”
CHARLIE “Langley by a nose. (then, re: jet) Flight out of Hamburg –- hundred and forty-seven passengers, towers lost contact three hours in. Thought there might’ve been some electrical interference, apparently they were flying in a hell of a storm. They entered our airspace radio silent -– Navy scrambled two F-18’s for escort. They reported stains on the windows…and no signs of life aboard the jet.
This stop Olivia –- she looks up at the jet –- the cabin is too dark for her to see anything.
[NOTE: The reference to a horse race and to the stupid bickering and fighting over which department can do what is well scripted]
OLIVIA “Stains?”
CHARLIE “Blood.”
[NOTE: I Like the way Abrams strings out the obvious. Stains as in blood stains. We the reader know what it is. Olivia’s needing clarification is a good touch. The scientist/medical background in her being revealed.]
OLIVIA “I’m surprised they let ‘em land –- “No signs of life” -– who was flying the plane, auto-pilot?
CHARLIE “Programmed to land right on schedule, which it did. Unlike every flight I’ve ever taken.”
[NOTE: Nice jab at the airline industry and their ability to be late coming or going.]
OLIVIA “If there was a decompression the windows would have frozen solid –- have they opened the cabin?”
CHARLIE “White House approved a CDC request for the jet not to be opened until they arrive.”
Behind them, a BLACK VAN arrives. The drive gets out – it’s JOHN, on a cell:
JOHN “let me assure you, we’d be happy to treat you like family too. (hangs up, grins) Good old NTSB. All like to think they’re cops.”
CHARLIE “Agent Scott.”
JOHN “Agent Francis –- (no special regard) Agent Warren.”
Their relationship, their secret. She turns back to Charlie:
OLIVIA “They must’ve looked in through the windows…”
CHARLIE “CIA did. Whatever the hell’s inside that plan made Special Agent McNeary throw up in front of his whole unit. And he’s a good man, that was embarrassing.”
A finger-to-mouth WHISTLE turns everyone to PHILLIP BROYLES, SPECIAL-AGENT-IN CHARGE from HOMELAND SECURITY. Broyles is a bureaucratic Hitler, with authority to puppeteer the Federal and International agencies on-scene:
[NOTE: We instantly get a feel for the type of man Phillip Broyles is. Description is a bit heavy-handed for my tastes, but effective.]
BROYLES “Although this is a join task force, this investigation will be run through HDS – I’m Special
Agent in Charge Broyles! DC has sent me here to make sure we get results. As soon as our friends from Atlanta get here we’re going in, one member from each agency on the starting line as follow –(reads a card) CIA: Baronoff! FBI: Francis! DHS: Pitts. Contagion precautions apply: level four HAZ-MAT suits, we should have your size in the van! Move!”
Agents on the move, Olivia, disturbed, goes after Broyles:
OLIVIA “Sir: Olivia Warren, FBI Inter-agency liaison, I’m EOD and NBC certified, I’d like to suit up too-
BROYLES “Liaison on an inter-agency taskforce. Gotta love that. Like powdered sugar on a glazed donut.”
[NOTE: True to form, Broyles is rude, sarcastic and demeaning. We instantly dislike this prick. Good job making us hate the guy.]
OLIVIA “Excuse me, if I’m gonna do my job effectively, I like my information first-hand -– that’s not redundancy, that’s accountability.”
BROYELS (sotto, threatening) “I know exactly who you are. You put my best friend in prison two years ago. (she’s stunned, louder:) You want in, Liaison? Suit up.”
And the bully walks off – Olivia watches him go, indignant.
[NOTE: He obviously holds a grudge. We the reader/audience want to know why the man was incarcerated and why Olivia had him incarcerated. Ending with this question in our minds is a great touch]
(LATER – SEVERAL SCENES)
OLIVIA “Have we reviewed video from the Hamburg Airport? We need to see if any passengers were
showing signs of illness –- and tell me that terminal’s shut-down. –yeah, a few hundred more: who’s point from CDC on the bone, tissue and air samples? -– no, but I’d like the whole report, not just this fax claiming that there’s no matches to any known pathogen or airborne virus –-
[NOTE: Olivia is obviously quite competent, thorough and good at what she does.]
BROYLES “on it’s way now, what the hell’s taking so long with the black box?–the terminal’s been down since oh-four-hundred local-—you got more questions? — Agent Paley, you want his home number? — we’re on that too, Liason —- we don’t think what happened on that plane was a result of the in-flight.
CHARLIE (gets off phone) “Back Bay PD got a call at oh-three-hundred from a guard-on-duty at a storage facility who saw two –-and I quote “suspicious Middle Eastern men” handing a white guy a briefcase.
BROYLES “That could be a purchase.”
AGENT #1 “you’re saying the plane was a demonstration of technology they sold later that night?
BROYLES “Maybe, maybe not –- wouldn’t be uncommon in the underground weapons trade—- (to Olivia) Liaison: take it, go find out.”
OLIVIA “take what? That? You want me to investigate that?
BROYLES (sarcastic) “Sounds like a hot lead-– you want to liaise? Now’s your big chance.”
[NOTE: Broyles is being true to character: a prick, a demeaning jerk to Olivia.]
Everyone heard that. An embarrassing moment, intended that way. She wants to lay in on him –- but instead:
OLIVIA “While I’m out, you want me to pick up your dry cleaning?”
[NOTE: Olivia, gives it right back but on a more sophisticated level. Not down in the dirt dirty like Broyles. Writer shows the difference between the two nicely.]
Some HOLY SHIT looks from a few -– the table uncomfortably freezes -– but Broyles fucking likes kickback and smiles:
BROYLES “Yeah, Honey, would ya mind?
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