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Day 6 Assignments
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What we learned doing this assignment was that it’s relatively easy coming up with intrigue and in all different categories. We were actually surprised by how many possibilities we came up with for 1 pilot outline.
Teaser
Intriguing or dangerous parts of the sub-world: Swinger Club / Voyeurism: Liz’s Opening: a black guy bangs Liz from behind, then freeze frame on the action with her VO “how does a couple have this much passion after 15 years? By banging other people.” pan out to see the door is wide open as a bunch of people watch from inside the room and the doorway.
Unique purpose/expertise of a lead character: Liz’s POV, experience, expertise on the lifestyle and monogamy: Continue with Liz’s VO as she explains her beliefs on monogamy and relationships.
Unique purpose/expertise of a lead character: she’s a stickler for the swinger code/rules: Liz’s Flaw: Anger: L TP 1: When a woman shows up in their doorway on her cell phone, Liz yells “no cell phones” and slams the door on her ending her and Eric’s night early (Eric never saw who the woman was).
Surface cover-up: Liz is having sex with her husband.
Disruption in Reality: Her voice-over plus pan out to see she’s having sex in a club with others including her husband watching.
Deeper Layer: Liz and Eric are experienced swingers.
Act 1
Why people are behaving this way: Eric Opening: As Liz and Eric walk out of the club, Liz looks bothered, Eric’s upset at Liz because once again she ruined his one night a week of fun Hidden Layer: (cause he’s miserable at his job and is always just working for the weekend). Accusation: Then, he calls Liz the “swinger police” Unique purpose/expertise of a lead character: Intriguing or dangerous parts of the sub-world: Liz defends herself by saying he’s the one constantly worried about being exposed and how quickly he forgets about a cell phone video of her that was illegally uploaded on a porn site that they had to get removed.
Why people are behaving this way: In mid-sentence, Liz tackles Eric at their car door. She then slowly peaks over her car to the parking lot and sees the same girl from the doorway on her cell phone pacing back and forth. Liz tells Eric to slowly peak too.
What is really happening / Intriguing or dangerous parts of the sub-world: He says too loudly “Michelle?” and Liz shushes him. Then, Liz tells him that’s why she slammed the door. Eric’s Major Conflict: Being exposed: Eric panics and wonders who Michelle is already telling on her cell phone. Liz’s coping mechanism. Liz wants to confront Michelle.
The major conflict/theme of the show: How fear prevents people from showing up in life how they’re meant to. Eric wants their lifestyle private but Liz wants to be very public: Eric’s Flaw: Playing life too safe: Eric’s Wound: Insecurity: Liz tells Eric to stop being a pussy and she’s glad it’s out there. This is who they are and should be able to live authentically without fear. Secrets: Liz & Eric have been swingers for 15 years but nobody knows.
Liz’s Wound: Eric tells Liz that she’s not ready for the shame and judgment that comes with being out. Unique purpose/expertise of a lead character: Eric is Liz’s protector: And, he needs to protect them and their daughter. Eric gets them in the car and peels away.
Surface cover-up: Liz slammed the door because someone was on her cell phone which is a violation of swinger club rules.
Disruption in Reality: On the way to their car, Liz tackles Eric and tells him to hush. He sees “Michelle” in the parking lot and Liz tells him that’s why she slammed the door.
Deeper Layer: Liz and Eric have been exposed.
Surface cover-up: Liz seems experienced, confident, and completely open about her lifestyle
Disruption in Reality: She tells Eric that she’s glad their lifestyle is finally out there
Deeper Layer: Liz and Eric have been swingers for 15 years and nobody knew.
Act 1 TP: Liz and Eric’s swinger lifestyle has been exposed by someone they know.
Act 2
Michelle Opening: A birthday party for Liz’s dad, Don. Michelle is there and it’s her birthday too. Why people are behaving this way: Liz’s Mom treats her dad badly (even on his birthday): Liz’s mom, Maria brings out the cake and the icing reads “Happy Birthday Michelle (and Don) Character secret identity: Hidden relationship history: Michelle is Liz’s childhood best friend and like a sister to her.
Character history: Maria & Don: Maria shames Don and hints at sinning. We get that she’s religious. Character history: Maria & Liz / Don & Liz: Liz quips back to defend her dad and Maria snaps back at her.
Maria planned to show old family movies as a gift to Don but it ends up being another way to shame him and Liz (Liz’s Wound) while praising her sister Teresa. (Character history: Maria & Teresa) (Character history: Liz & Teresa). A huge family fight breaks out. Liz storms off to the bathroom (Liz’s flaw: anger). Unique purpose/expertise of a lead character: Eric is Liz’s protector: Eric throws shade at Maria for hurting Liz.
Michelle chases after Liz and goes into the bathroom with her. Liz tells her “you didn’t think it’d be a good idea to call me first before coming here.” Michelle “I didn’t know what to do.” A knock on the door. It’s Eric. Now, all 3 are in the bathroom. Michelle promises Eric and Liz that their secret is safe with her. Accusation: Eric accuses Michelle of already telling someone. She says “I didn’t tell anyone, I was on with my husband telling him I saw you and Liz at the swing club.” Eric’s Fear: Uncertainty & being exposed: Eric: “that’s telling someone, see, she doesn’t even know when she’s doing it, now 2 people know, 2 become 4, 4 become 1,000” E TP 1: Eric gets Liz and Michelle to promise this is squashed now so they aren’t exposed further. Conspiracy: Teresa knocks on the door and wants to know why Eric, Liz, and Michelle are all in there together. Michelle says “we aren’t having a threesome,” Liz Flaw: Anger: Liz says “we are having a threesome Teresa, fuck off” Eric gives Liz and Michelle a death stare.
Hidden relationship history Liz and Michelle also co-own the hair salon together: Liz heads to work at her hair salon. Michelle is already there getting ready for work.
Michelle can’t believe Liz kept this from her. Liz tells Michelle she’s sorry but she kept it quiet for Eric and her family.
Liz asks why she was at the club anyhow (and by herself). Deception/Secret: M TP 1: Michelle tells Liz she was at the club to try and spice up her marriage.
M Dilemma: If she doesn’t pursue swinging, her marriage will probably fail. If she does start swinging just to appease her husband, her marriage will probably fail.
M Midpoint: Michelle tells Liz that she’s going to pursue swinging with or without her help and that she got the idea from Swinger TikTok. Liz’s Flaw: anger Liz goes ballistic when Michelle tells her she’s taking advice from TikTok “sexperts” and can’t believe how many followers they have. Liz’s fear: regret, Liz’s need/goal: to be a sexpert. Liz tells Michelle something specific that the TikToker is full of shit on and she realizes how many people need her help. Unique purpose/expertise of a lead character: Liz’s POV, experience, and expertise on the lifestyle.
L Pilot Dilemma: Liz can decide not to help Michelle and watch her friend fail miserably or at least try and help her navigate a world that she’s an expert in even though she knows she’ll still probably fail miserably.
Intriguing or dangerous parts of the sub-world: Michelle tells Liz they’ve already met a woman online to have a threesome with. Liz questions if Michelle is even into women. Unique purpose/expertise of a lead character: Liz’s POV, experience, expertise on the lifestyle: Then, gives her the advice to definitely not invite her to their home or even do anything in private. Go somewhere public (crazy single chicks). Liz says she’ll figure out a plan to help her.
Surface cover-up: Who is Michelle?
Disruption in Reality: At her Dad’s birthday party with her family all there, so is Michelle and they are celebrating her birthday too.
Deeper Layer: Michelle is Liz’s childhood best friend and is like a sister to her. She also co-owns the hair salon with her.
Act 2 TP / Midpoint: Liz has to help Michelle with swinging
Act 3
L Midpoint: Conspiracy/Hidden Agenda: Liz is going to help Michelle with swinging behind Eric’s back. Liz suggests to Eric that she go to a house party alone so she can send him a video of her being naughty without him. He agrees and is excited about it. But, it’s really a coverup to help Michelle.
Deception: Liz’s daughter Mary questions where Liz is going without Eric at night, she lies to her. Liz tells Eric a mutual friend (from the lifestyle) is picking her up for the house party, but it’s really Michelle and her husband. Liz tells Michelle Eric is fine with her plan
Intriguing or dangerous parts of the sub-world: House party: House party, the living room is wall-to-wall air mattresses, people having sex all over. Michelle is shell-shocked. Liz gets them upstairs to a private room with the girl who came with them. Unique purpose/expertise of a lead character: Liz’s POV, experience, expertise on the lifestyle and monogamy and she’s a stickler for the swinger code/rule: Meanwhile, we see more of Liz’s bossiness in the lifestyle as a parade of single guys come up to hit on her.
Michelle gets so nervous, runs out of the room, and vomits in the hallway ruining her first swinger experience.
Liz’s flaw: anger and coping mechanism: confrontation: Liz bangs on the door to confront Michelle’s husband, but Michelle tells her she’s obviously not worth it to him and she just wants to go home Michelle’s wound: unworthy of love
M Major Conflict: Outside, Michelle cries and Liz tries to comfort her. Accusation: Michelle tells her that this is all her fault and “whores like her are who ruin marriages.” Liz’s Wound: Shame & Judgment: Liz goes off on her telling her that she is so blinded by wanting some fairy tale relationship that she doesn’t see her marriage is irreparable. Liz’s Flaw: Anger Michelle’s Fear: Loneliness: M TP 2: Michelle leaves the house party without Liz or her husband.
L TP 2: Liz shakes in anger as she calls Eric to pick her up and he now finds out about her deception.
Intriguing World: While Liz waits for Eric to arrive, she rushes back into the house. One of the creeper single guys is in the corner alone. She bends over and lifts her dress revealing her ass. “You can cum on my ass. No touching.” Then, she throws her phone at him. And film it.
E Midpoint: Eric arrives to pick Liz up from the house party and is pissed. Eric’s Coping Mechanism: Withdrawal: He gives Liz the silent treatment.
Surface cover-up: Liz tells Eric she wants to go to the house party alone so she can send him a naughty video and that a mutual friend is picking her up.
Disruption in Reality: Michelle, her husband, and the girl they want to hook up with pick her up.
Deeper Layer: Liz helps Michelle behind Eric’s back.
Act 3 TP: Liz has failed both Michelle and Eric
Act 4
At the hair salon, Liz and Michelle stand in awkward silence. Liz’s Flaw: anger: Liz speaks first “this is the first and only pass I ever give you, if you ever shame me like that again, I’ll rip your fucking head off.” Liz’s Wound: Shame & Judgment. Michelle starts balling. Deception: Michelle: “I lied to you. I wasn’t considering swinging to spice up my marriage, it was to save my marriage.
Deception: Michelle spills all the tea. That her husband gave her an ultimatum, that they try swinging or their marriage is over. That he met this woman online himself, not together. Liz’s Flaw: anger: Liz tells her “so you fucking used me”. Intriguing or dangerous parts of the sub-world: Unique purpose/expertise of a lead character: Liz’s POV, experience, expertise on the lifestyle and monogamy and she’s a stickler for the swinger code/rules: This isn’t some game to me, this is my lifestyle. You’re doing this for the wrong reasons and there’s no going back. Having your husband bang some chick while you leave crying isn’t swinging. Michelle: he told me that he didn’t have sex with her, he blamed me for leaving him at the party. Liz’s Flaw: anger: Liz: Oh my god, I’m going to neuter him. He not only banged her after you left but he’s been banging her. Wake the fuck up. Michelle cries again. Michelle: he said that he went to church first thing this morning and will go to marriage counseling. Liz’s Wound: Liz loses her shit…”People will judge me for what I do, but you’re going to stay with a man who will keep cheating on you while you pretend he’s some prince charming.” Michelle’s wound: unworthy of love: Michelle’s fear: Loneliness: Michelle: I can’t fail, who is going to love me?
M Ending: She decides to stay with her husband and work it out.
L Major Conflict/Series Dilemma: Liz tells Eric she’s going to keep helping people because she feels alive for the first time with this secret off her chest, but the more she pushes, the potential exposure can negatively affect her husband and daughter plus she would have to deal with being judged and shamed by family and society. If she doesn’t pursue this, though, she will be full of regret and resentment.
E Major Conflict: Eric wants their lifestyle private but Liz wants to be very public. Eric wants Liz to forget about helping people, and he gets this is something she needs to do but tries to get her to see that neither one of them may be prepared for how more potential exposure will negatively impact their lives. Unique purpose/expertise of a lead character: Eric is Liz’s protector. He teases her that helping Michelle couldn’t have been more of an epic failure so how does this make her want to keep doing it. Unique purpose/expertise of a lead character: Liz’s POV, experience, expertise on the lifestyle: Liz tells him about another TikToker who has a million followers and the latest absurd advice they were giving.
E Dilemma: If Liz continues to help people, they risk being further exposed and it may negatively impact his marriage (and life), but if he gets his wish and she shuts it down, she may resent him and that could also negatively affect his marriage (and life).
E TP 2: Eric agrees to let Liz continue helping people from the hair salon if she keeps it on the down low.
E Ending: Eric’s fear: uncertainty: Eric has to trust Liz while getting used to being comfortable with the uncomfortable (and the unknown).
Unique purpose/expertise of a lead character: Liz’s POV, experience, expertise on the lifestyle: Intrigue: L Ending: Liz gives a random woman advice at her hair salon and a sexpert is born!
Act 4 TP / Lock In: Liz is now going to help others with sex and relationship advice from her hair salon and a sexpert is born!
Surface cover-up: Michelle wanted Liz’s help with swinging to spice up her marriage.
Disruption in Reality: Michelle’s husband met the woman he wanted them to have a threesome with by himself and was already cheating on Michelle with her.
Deeper Layer: Liz finds out it was to save Michelle’s marriage.
Act 5/TAG
Intrigue: After hours at her hair salon, Liz helps her dad style his wig for a night out. She asks him where he’s going. He responds “nowhere you’ll be, as promised.”
Surface cover-up: Liz’s dad seemed like any normal middle-aged husband.
Disruption in Reality: Liz’s dad shows up at her hair salon after hours so she can style his wig for a night out.
Deeper Layer: Liz’s dad is secretly trans.
Surface cover-up: Michelle was the first one to find out about Liz and Eric’s secret.
Disruption in Reality: Liz asks where he’s going tonight and he replies “nowhere you’ll be as promised.”
Deeper Layer: Liz’s dad has known about Liz and Eric’s secret all along.
Act 5 TP: Liz’s dad is secretly trans and knew about Liz and Eric’s lifestyle. -
Megan Stacks Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is…that stacking intrigue creates a greater sense of revelation for the audience at the turning point. But it definitely takes work thinking through intriguing moments that will lead to the turning point without actually giving away the turning point.
ACT 1:
Deception: Lexie pretends to be okay, but she’s not; she feels ignored, pushed around, and lonely
Wound: Lexie’s parents show more interest in her genius older sister and athletic younger brother than they do in her.
Hidden Agenda: To find something that makes her special
Act 1 Turning Point: Lexie has been contemplating running away from home.
ACT 2:
Mystery: Where does Lexie disappear to during lunch?
Conspiracy: Lexie tells Betsy about her plans to run away.
Wound: Betsy’s father ran out on their family when she was 7.
Hidden Agenda: To find a way to stand out, be special
Act 2 Turning Point: Lexie receives a response from the future.
ACT 3:
Intriguing World: Chicago 2040
Mystery: Alexis gets an email from her past self
Secret: Hiding her emails from the past from her nosy coworkers
Secret Identity: undercover operative
Wound: Alexis is completely alone and therefore lonely, though she won’t admit it
Hidden Agenda: to find a more fulfilling life by learning to connect with people again, starting with her former self
Strange Behavior: Alexis treats people coolly.
Act 3 Turning Point: Alexis receives a birth announcement from her sister and decides to continue emailing Lexie, ostensibly to help Lexie improve her life, but actually to better her present by fixing her past.
ACT 4:
Wound: Lexie’s mom taught Lily how to drive but doesn’t have time to teach Lexie. Lily acts like she’s better than Lexie.
Hidden Agenda: To take her sister down a peg
Strange Behavior: Lexie messes with Lily’s college application essay.
Act 4 Turning Point: Alexis knows what Lexie did, moments after it happens. Lexie finally believes Alexis is her future self. Alexis gives Lexie her first piece of advice: Stop caring what other people think.
ACT 5:
Secret: Lexie is in communication with her future self.
Deception: Alexis lets Lexie think she has a career in retail.
Conspiracy: Lexie hides her emails from her future self from her friends and family
Secret Identity: Alexis is actually an undercover operative.
Hidden Agenda: Alexis wants a more fulfilling life by learning how to connect with people again, starting with her former self
Act 5 Turning Point: After convincing Lexie she’s trustworthy, Alexis goes out and completes a mission where she lies and kills someone.
PILOT OUTLINE
TEASER:
Essence: Lexie getting dressed for the first day of school. It’s Lexie’s first day of high school. She is eager and optimistic. Seems confident. Checking her outfit and appearance in the mirror. Possibly recording herself on her first day of high school? Alexis, however, is the VO we hear, reflecting on the importance of trust.
Turning Point: Lexie walks outside to meet her childhood best friend Betsy, who makes a tactless comment about the outfit Lexie spent so much time analyzing. Reveal: Lexie’s confidence deflates like a popped balloon.
ACT 1:
Essence: Lexie feels terrified at high school and shut out at home. Bus driver gets her name wrong. Cafeteria is noisy, crowded, nowhere to sit. Cafeteria lady gives her green beans after she says she doesn’t want them. Possibly a bully at school pulls a prank on her? Back at home, older sister and younger brother are happy and successful and have the full attention of mom and dad. Lexie is portrayed as solid and reliable.
Turning Point: Reveal: We see Lexie has been contemplating running away from home.
ACT 2:
Essence: Lexie disappears during lunch. Betsy finds her in the library. Lexie admits to considering running away. Betsy thinks running away doesn’t solve anything; references her deadbeat dad. Lexie just needs to find a way to be special in her own way. Lexie’s English teacher gives the class an assignment: to write an email to their future selves.
Turning Point: After a particularly tense family dinner, Lexie not only writes the email but clicks send. In the morning, she finds she has received a response.
ACT 3:
Essence: Lexie probes to figure out if the email is real. Alexis’s email presents her as happy and successful. Reveal: Alexis is a success at work but she doesn’t enjoy it: she treats people coolly, constant stress, nosy coworkers, pressure from her boss, competition from Sterling, innuendos from Brett. Alexis’s home life is empty and lonely. So empty she nearly commits suicide.
Turning Point: Alexis receives a birth announcement from her sister. Recognizes her emptiness again and decides to try to change her present by fixing her past.
She decides to continue emailing Lexie, ostensibly to help Lexie improve her life, but actually to better her present by fixing her past.
ACT 4:
Essence: Alexis shocks Lexie with the things she knows about her. Lexie isn’t sure whether or not she can trust Alexis. Lexie feels overlooked again by her mother, who doesn’t have time to teach her how to drive because she’s too busy helping her older sister with college applications.
Turning Point: To take her sister down a peg, Lexie messes with Lily’s college application essay. She experiences instant regret. Reveal: Alexis knows about it, moments after it happens. Lexie finally believes Alexis is her future self. Alexis gives Lexie her first piece of advice: Stop caring what other people think.
ACT 5:
Essence: Lexie goes through a school day with this advice: corrects the bus driver who gets her name wrong, speaks up to the cafeteria worker who tries to give her green beans, speaks up when Betsy gets too tactless. She also keeps the emails from her future self a secret from her friends and family. For the first time this school year, Lexie actually enjoys school and it’s all thanks to Alexis. Alexis lets Lexie think she has a career in retail.
Lock In: Return to Alexis’s VO about the value and importance of trust. Lexie is starting to trust Alexis, but the final scene reveals what Alexis really is: an undercover agent. Reveal: After convincing Lexie she’s trustworthy, she goes out and completes a mission where she lies and kills someone.
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Sharilyn’s Stacks Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is…intrigue in comedy has to be funny. Gotta review my T.P.’s…
Teaser:
Essence: Over black, moans, groans, clicking keyboard sounds. Eating? Fucking? Typing? An excited
• Intriguing World:
• Intrigue:
• Mystery: Sounds like one thing but could be another
• Secret:
• Deception: The sounds come from two excited people-both in same space?
• Conspiracy:
• Secret Identity: It’s a man and woman but what is the relationship, if any?
• Wound:
• Hidden Agenda:
• Hidden Layer:
• Strange Behavior: If it’s not your sex style, then the sounds are normal otherwise very animalistic
• Accusation:
Turning Point: A deep belch. Snoring.
Act 1:
Essence: Song like Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat it!” awakens grossly obese Erin who barely moves in a sunken twin bed. She feeds the birds and herself via delivery. KIDS clamor at her window.
• Intriguing World:
• Intrigue: Why are elementary KIDS hanging out under a window?
• Mystery: BIRDS fly to Erin’s window, like old Disney “Snow White”
• Secret: Knife props up the window
• Deception: Walley working on his own porno hack.
• Conspiracy:
• Secret Identity: A lecherous NEIGHBOR waves to Erin from across the street. She doesn’t return the gesture
• Wound:
• Hidden Agenda:
• Hidden Layer: Walley complains about hacking job, but kowtows when BOSS shows up on screen
• Strange Behavior: Food delivery GUY(?) knowingly delivers to Erin’s window
• Accusation: Kandy Kane accuses Walley of trying to get her to go back to being a blow-up DOLL when that is what she is
Turning Point: Walley reviews Erin footage in his trailer alongside his blow-up doll girlfriend
Act 2:
Essence: Erin gets weighed and washed by her caretaker, Ms. Chen & besty#2 Mi-Ya. Besty #1 Patty prances around, pumping Erin up for the day
• Intriguing World: Walley’s browser lands on a porn site
• Intrigue: Erin eats in the dark, like it’s a sexual.
• Mystery: Heavy footsteps sound.
• Secret: Erin can walk.
• Deception: Patty leaves a bag of cucumbers, vegie dildos, in corner. She Erin talk in code about the firmness, thickness, length
• Conspiracy:
• Secret Identity:
• Wound: Cut marks on Erin’s arm physical and emotional scar
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen prepares Erin’s food with a little more flavor, she taste tests it
• Hidden Layer: Mi-Ya ½ helps her mom wash Erin because it puts all the attention on Erin
• Strange Behavior: Ms. Chen checks the room. Finds small razor blades. Mi-Ya measures Erin. Ms. Chen weighs Erin by blood pressure cuff
• Accusation:
Turning Point/Midpoint: Later, alone, in the dark, Erin falls and she can’t get up.
Erin’s bleeding from somewhere.
Act 3:
Essence: 1st Responders can’t get Erin out of her house. Convince her to leave. She’s humiliated.
• Intriguing World: Soft porn-internet montage of fetishizers
• Intrigue: Why won’t Erin leave her house? Tell them she can walk?
• Mystery: Where is she bleeding from?
• Secret: Walley watches the whole Erin “fall and can’t get up” fiasco.
• Deception: Blood from the legs but really from her va-jay-jay.
• Conspiracy:
• Secret Identity:
• Wound: PARENTS see Erin’s immobility as a safety hazard
• Hidden Agenda:
• Hidden Layer:
• Strange Behavior: After seeing Patty, MALE EMT won’t help Erin. Neighbor offers to help clean Erin up/transport her
• Accusation: Assumed Erin can’t be pregnant by 1st RESPONDERS.
Turning Point: Her besty Patty protects, while Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya push Erin to do better for herself.
Act 4:
Essence: Erin confides in Patty about her fat-shame. Erin & Patty reminisce
• Intriguing World: Porn Press headquarters Gina “discovers” Walley’s work
• Intrigue: Patty had a Patricio moment with Erin
• Mystery: Is Patty hetero? homo? bi? Why? Who da’baby daddy?
• Secret: Walley doesn’t tell Kandy but he compiles Erin footage.
• Deception: Stu&Lu’s security camera’s all over Erin’s house in back
• Conspiracy:
• Secret Identity: Erin’s adopted
• Wound: Erin is okay with being fat just doesn’t know why she’s this fat?
• Hidden Agenda:
• Hidden Layer: Walley wants to be an independent contractor. No more gov’t hacking.
• Strange Behavior:
• Accusation:
Turning Point: Walley’s Erin footage goes viral
Act 5:
Essence: Erin vows to lose weight. Porno press flags Erin footage.
• Intriguing World:
• Intrigue: Erin weighs herself
• Mystery: How? When? Who? Erin’s sexual encounters
• Secret:
• Deception:
• Conspiracy:
• Secret Identity:
• Wound: Remembering Fat camp
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen discourages Erin
• Hidden Layer:
• Strange Behavior: Mi-Ya shows Erin new muumuu line. Erin hates it
• Accusation: Patty accuses Erin od being a secret-sexer
Lock In: Medic calls Erin revealing she lost a baby. WTF!?! She didn’t even know she was preggers!
Growing Outline
Teaser:
Essence: Over black, moans, groans, clicking keyboard sounds. Eating? Fucking? Typing? An excited “Yes!” Climax reached.
surface LAYER: People are aroused
• Mystery: Sounds like one thing but could be another
• Deception: The sounds come from two excited people-both in same space?
• Secret Identity: It’s a man and woman but what is the relationship, if any?
• Strange Behavior: If it’s not your sex style, then the sounds are normal otherwise very animalistic
beneath LAYER: Erin eats out of boredom. Walley gets paid, but not enough, to hack.
• Erin-Beginning: In her bedroom, safe. Chillin’ and eating.
REVEAL: Food and hacking, in separate places, excite Erin and Walley
Turning Point: A deep belch. Snoring.
• Walley-Beginning: Dark hours of the night or day? Face lighted by computer glare. Talking to himself? Hacking.
Act 1:
Essence: Song like Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat it!” awakens grossly obese Erin who barely moves in a sunken twin bed. She feeds the birds and herself via delivery. KIDS clamor at her window.
surface LAYER: Erin is a caring, bedridden teacher.
• Intrigue: Why are elementary KIDS hanging out under a window?
• Mystery: BIRDS fly to Erin’s window, like old Disney “Snow White”
• Secret: Knife props up the window
• Secret Identity: A lecherous NEIGHBOR waves to Erin from across the street. She doesn’t return the gesture
• Hidden Layer: Walley complains about hacking job, but kowtows when BOSS shows up on screen
• Strange Behavior: Food delivery GUY(?) knowingly delivers to Erin’s window
beneath LAYER: Erin’s window is a lifeline.
REVEAL: Erin watches the world through her window.
• Patty-Opening: Saunters up for Erin’s snack order for the day. Kids admire Patty
Turning Point: Walley reviews Erin footage in his trailer alongside his blow-up doll girlfriend
surface LAYER: Walley is a recluse creeper.
• Deception: Walley works on his own porno hack. The only site that he thinkgs gov’t doesn’t monitor.
• Accusation: Kandy Kane accuses Walley of trying to get her to go back to being a blow-up DOLL when that is what she is
beneath LAYER: Walley believes he has to protect his trailer from government intrusion. Conspiracy.
Everyone is watching him.
• Walley-Turning Point: Hacks Erin’s room thru her phone as an example to Kandy
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional.) Walley can’t convince Kandy that his hacking will pan out/protect them
Act 2:
Essence: Erin gets weighed and washed by her caretaker, Ms. Chen & besty#2 Mi-Ya. Besty #1 Patty prances around, pumping Erin up for the day
surface LAYER: Everyone on board with helping Erin get healthy, feel good about her fat self
• Intriguing World: Walley’s browser lands on a “safe” porn site
• Deception: Patty leaves a bag of cucumbers, vegie dildos, in corner. She Erin talk in code about the firmness, thickness, length
• Wound: Cut marks on Erin’s arm physical and emotional scar
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen prepares Erin’s food with a little more flavor, she taste tests it
• Hidden Layer: Mi-Ya ½ helps her mom wash Erin because it puts all the attention on Erin
• Strange Behavior: Ms. Chen checks the room. Finds small razor blades. Mi-Ya measures Erin. Ms. Chen weighs Erin by blood pressure cuff
beneath LAYER: Erin enjoys the attention. Patty gets to practice her make-up artistry, Mi-Ya gets a free model for her Fat Femme Fashion line; Ms. Chen gets paid well
• Patty-Beginning: Super sexy and confident in preparing Erin’s hair & make-up for the day
• Ms. Chen-Beginning: Fussing over Erin. Washing her. Weighing her.
• Mi-Ya-Beginning: Sassy while assisting her mom in washing/weighing Erin
REVEAL: Patty takes pictures and sends them off; Mi-Ya measures Erin. Also photographing Erin; Ms. Chen fixes eating equipment in Erin’s room, tidy’s up. Erin’s routine pops-up on Walley’s screen
• Mi-Ya-Ending: She challenges Erin to get fit for her fat fashion line
• Walley-Turning Point 2: Kandy Kane blow-up Doll girlfriend resents the time he spends hacking. They argue. He doesn’t want her to return to work in sex-trade industry
Turning Point/Midpoint: Later, alone, in the dark, Erin falls and she can’t get up.
surface LAYER: Erin is hungry all the time
• Intrigue: Erin eats in the dark, like it’s a sexual.
beneath LAYER: She masturbates with food at night. Then eats it.
• Mystery: Heavy footsteps sound.
• Secret: Erin can walk.
• Erin-Turning Point: She falls out of bed, reaching for a snack. No one in her room. She can’t get herself up.
REVEAL: Erin can walk. Baby steps.
• Patty-Turning Point: She can’t help Erin get up, too concerned about her look
• Patty-Midpoint: Patty and Ms. Chen fight over call/not call the 1st Responder.
Erin’s bleeding from somewhere. Parents Stu&Lu, Ms. Chen rush to her aid
surface LAYER: Erin’s parents really care. Period blood or blood from the fall.
beneath LAYER: Erin’s a cutter-her masturbation food ritual.
REVEAL: Erin’s knives in her room, under the bed, for “protection.” Parents check “security” cameras
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point: She calls the 1st Responders against Erin’s wishes
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point: She doesn’t wanna help Erin get up because it helps her mom
• Erin-(Dilemma is optional.) Erin has to leave the house to see the doctor about her bleeding
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional) Report the Erin footage or use it?
Act 3:
Essence: 1st Responders can’t get Erin out of her house. Convince her to leave. She’s humiliated.
surface LAYER: Erin’s afraid to go outside.
• Intrigue: Why won’t Erin leave her house? Tell them she can walk?
• Mystery: Where is she bleeding from?
• Secret: Walley watches the whole Erin “fall and can’t get up” fiasco.
• Deception: Blood from the legs but really from her va-jay-jay.
• Wound: Kids’ PARENTS see Erin’s immobility as a safety hazard
• Accusation: Assumed Erin can’t be pregnant by 1st RESPONDERS.
beneath LAYER: Erin doesn’t wanna leave her safe place. Show that she can walk.
REVEAL:
• Patty-Turning Point 2: Patty’s DAD shows up as one of the 1st Responders. She fights with him.
• Erin-Turning Point 2: Erin’s bleeding “examination” is humiliating.
• Ms. Chen-Midpoint: Ms. Chen doesn’t defend Erin’s weight nor protect her during fat-shaming
• Erin-Major Conflict: She refuses to leave/see a doctor.
Turning Point: Her besty Patty protects, while Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya push Erin to do better for herself. Patty confronts her Father, an ambulance driver. Walley previews his “Fat Bitch Pitch” for porno
surface LAYER: Ambulance driver is a former LOVER. Walley targets Erin.
beneath LAYER: Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya are sick of Erin’s neediness.
REVEAL: Walley redirect his surveillance cameras. Stumbles upon Erin. Researches “Porn for profit”
• Walley-Midpoint: Watches the whole 1st Responder fiasco while simultaneously editing footage
• Intriguing World: Soft porn-internet montage of fetishizers
• Patty-Major Conflict: Patty’s dad refuses to help his colleagues lift Erin’s limbs
• Strange Behavior: After seeing Patty, MALE EMT won’t help Erin. Neighbor offers to help clean Erin up/transport her
Act 4:
Essence: Erin confides in Patty about her fat-shame. Erin & Patty reminisce
surface LAYER: Erin thanks Patty for being there for her.
• Mystery: Is Patty hetero? homo? bi? Why? Who da’baby daddy?
• Secret: Walley doesn’t tell Kandy but he compiles Erin footage.
• Deception: Stu&Lu’s security camera’s all over Erin’s house in back
• Secret Identity: Erin’s adopted
• Wound: Erin is okay with being fat just doesn’t know why she’s this fat?
beneathLAYER: Erin and Patty “did it” after a wild night of cutting, drinking, eating
• Intrigue: Patty had a Patricio moment with Erin
REVEAL: Erin dissatisfied with Ms. Chen, Mi-Ya, Patty caring for her.
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point 2: Ms. Chen drags Stu&Lu into ganging up on Erin
• Mi-Ya-Midpoint: She sides with her mom about Erin’s weight taking over her life
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point 2: She presents more fashionable muumuu’s to Erin’s dislike
• Mi-Ya-Major Conflict: She fights with Erin
Turning Point: Walley’s Erin footage goes viral
• Hidden Layer: Walley wants to be an independent contractor. No more gov’t hacking.
• Intriguing World: Porn Press headquarters Gina “discovers” Walley’s work
• Ms. Chen-Major Conflict: Mi-Ya defends Erin to her mom, Ms. Chen, who has 2nd thoughts about how she handled Erin
Act 5:
Essence: Erin vows to lose weight. Porno press flags Erin footage.
surface LAYER: Erin is innocent.
• Intrigue: Erin weighs herself
• Wound: Remembering Fat camp
beneath LAYER: Erin wants a man, not a cucumber.
• Accusation: Patty accuses Erin od being a secret-sexer
REVEAL: Erin picks her body apart in a full-length mirror.
• Erin-Midpoint: Fat shaming 1st responders, neighbors, family, friends make her see herself as they do
• Strange Behavior: Mi-Ya shows Erin new muumuu line. Erin hates it
• Ms. Chen-(Dilemma is optional.) Help Erin by coddling or hurt her by making her face the truth? Tough Love.
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen discourages Erin
• Major Conflict: Walley reviews, edits and sends off his Erin pitch
• Intriguing World: Internet soft porn sites
Lock In: Medic calls Erin revealing she lost a baby. WTF!?! She didn’t even know she was preggers!
• Ms. Chen-Ending: Ms. Chen face in security camera caught by Mi-Ya
• Patty-Ending: Erin consoles Patty who leaves her in a huff
• Mystery: How? When? Who? Erin’s sexual encounters
• Erin-Ending: Erin discovers she was preggers.
• Mi-Ya-(Dilemma is optional.) Tell Erin that her mom has a camera on her or not?
• Ending: Chubby Chasers, porno folks blow up Walley’s phone
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Suzanne Stacks Intrigues
What I learned in this assignment is I have a lot of these things, but not enough of them in the pilot.
Turning points
Conspiracy — everyone Tilda meets and talks to is connected to old New Orleans and has been for generations
Strange behavior — Tilda isn’t just a hired hand, she is part of the family
Wound — she grew up in Houston with her father; now she’s a bit of an outsider
Act 1: Powerful family party is really ancient mystic ritual
Mystery — costumes, stories, business shifts at just the right time — how have the d’Argosy family ALWAYS been in the right place/right time to succeed?
Hidden agenda — her family is both the oil and the oil clean up. No matter what, they profit
Deception — Grandmere is behaving very differently than earlier
Secret — Half the family wants to walk away from the “final confrontation”
Mystery — who does her family need to “defeat” and why is this their last chance?
Act 2: Grandmere shoots (relative) who dissented
Hidden agenda — Her family has known since the 18th c. that the final battle for supremacy is in HER generation
Intriguing world — how is antique New Orleans still alive IN current NOLA
Conspiracy — it’s a color-divided world, in three languages and a thousand tiny rules to see who “belongs” and who doesn’t
Act 3: Tilda’s ancestors learn her generation is the grand battle
Strange behavior — the Looking Glass isn’t in the same place, but they talk about it the same way
Hidden layer — (the LG has just been retrieved by the fam; they will lose it again in a few generations)
Accusation — she might not know all there is about her personal history
Act 4: Called a quadroon
Wound — she’s rejected by J-P
Secret — she took them from one New Orleans to another, but how?
Conspiracy — is there anyone she can trust? (Stefani)
Deception — what kind of mirror can talk?
Act 5: Vision of destroyed NOLA
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As a result of the past few lessons, I realized that my pilot episode was not engaging. It had elements that were strong, but the totality of it was not where it needed to be. I found myself holding back on the pilot in an attempt to keep the season and series intact. Finally, I came to realization that it will be the pilot that sells the show, so there is no need to hold back and new ideas will come regarding changes to the subsequent episodes. After really taking some time analyze and rebuild the pilot by going through all of the past module three lessons, I feel like I am on the path to binge worthy.
OUTLINE
TEASER
Essence: We weave through the crowd on both sides of the protest as the tension rises.
Florida Man Opening: Florida Man is at the protest seeking out the false flag but gets sucked into the violence
Florida Man Surface Layer: We see him searching through the crowd for something specific, he weaves through the crowd seeming unaffected by growing tensions and sings of impending violence
Brenda Surface Layer: Brenda is seen at a the protest with a megaphone, preaching about an ultra far-right way of living
Poe Surface Layer: As Florida Man passes by a group of people he hears Poe talking about how no one is to provoke violence, but if violence is brought to them they will respond
Angela Surface Layer: Angela is one of the very vocal protesters in the crowd holding a sing and screaming out against existential threats to the planet
Jenny Surface Layer: As Florida Man is crossing the street with waves of people, Jenny is stuck in her car trying to pass through. She gets out and yells out Florida Man as he passes by.
Stu Surface Layer: Stu is at the protest arguing about border reform and finishing the wall with another guy
F.M. Surface Layer: F.M. at the protest is white cis male and Texan who is struggling to take a side
Dani Surface Layer: Dani is trying to stop two people from fighting at the protest
Peter Cetera Surface Layer: At the protest Peter Cetera is protesting for social equality, especially for the LGBTQ population
Turning Point: The police begin to move in, gunfire erupts, chaos ensues.
ACT 1
Essence: Twyla and the Janitor are watching the riot unfold on an old TV. Elliot arrives and marvels at his body.
Story Surface Layer: The TV is just a TV and they are viewing an event unfolding
Story Surface Layer: They are in a church basement.
Janitor Surface Layer: He’s just the janitor listening to Twyla’s ideas about space and time.
Twyla Opening: Twyla is excited about the experiment and the opportunity to help humanity.
Twyla Surface Layer: Twyla cares deeply about this opportunity to help these people.
Elliot Opening: Elliot is self-absorbed with the sensation of being human, and less intrigued by the experiment
Elliot Surface Layer: Elliot is a narcissist.
Janitor Deeper Layer: The Janitor is actually running the experiment.
Twyla TP 1: The Janitor explains that he has already chosen who is going to lead the group. She is surprised and concerned by who he has chosen.
Elliot TP 1: The Janitor explains that he has already chosen who is going to lead the group. He is elated and applauds the Janitor’s choice.
Intrigue 1: Mystery: Twyla and Florida Man are watching the events of the protest unfold on the TV as if watching it live, but pause on a close up of Florida Man
Intrigue 2: Strange Behavior: Elliot arrives seemingly fascinated with his body.
Intrigue 3: Intriguing World: They are in the base of an old church.
Intrigue 4: Intrigue: Twyla and Elliot are talking about the events unfolding leading to the extinction of mankind
Intrigue 5: Secret Identity: The Janitor reveals that he has selected who will lead the group
Turning Point: They discuss that this event must be stopped or it will cause a domino effect that leads to the fall of democracy and the end of mankind.
ACT 2
Essence: Three weeks earlier: A lone wolf conspiracy theorist prone to making poor choices for what he believes are the best of intentions is arrested and faced with jail time. Representing himself, he strikes a plea deal with the attorney to do community service and attend a support group that will help the community. This leads him to a pandemic support group that will connect him with an unlikely family tasked with starting a revolution.
Florida Man TP 1: 3 weeks earlier: Florida is given an opportunity when representing himself in court, join and support group and do community service or go to jail
Florida Man Surface Layer: He is reckless, unstable, and aloof. He also refers to the judge by his first name.
Judge Surface Layer: Judge makes a comment during trial he represents the greatest problem with society: people thinking they can make a difference—this might as well be a trial for the whole of mankind—the judge is tired of seeing Florida Man in his court.
Janitor Deeper Layer: The judge has known Florida Man for a long time.
Intrigue 1: Hidden Agenda: Florida Man is defending himself in court because he doesn’t trust that an attorney will take him seriously
Intrigue 2: Accusation: the judge is reading off the list of crimes including trespassing, Florida Man pleads not guilty. He doesn’t acknowledge the boundary.
Intrigue 3: Accusation: the judge encourages to plead insanity
Intrigue 4: Strange Behavior: He keeps referring to the judge by his first name, which continues to irritate the judge.
Intrigue 5: Mystery: Florida Man refuses to disclose why he was trespassing, only citing that he’s trying to heal the community
Intrigue 6: The judge knows about Florida Man’s history and cuts him a break
Turning Point: The judge tells him that the only way he isn’t going to jail is if he does community service and joins a support group that actually does good for the community.
ACT 3
Essence: Florida Man meets Elliot, Twyla and the rest of the support group that will keep him out of jail.
Brenda Deeper Layer: Brenda reveals that she lost her father during the pandemic and is now trying to fill his shoes by taking over his “organization”
Poe Deeper Layer: As Poe is explaining what he lost during the pandemic he lost is faith in God, and will no longer be preaching
Angela Deeper Layer: Angela indicates that she lost any sense of hope in humanity during the pandemic
Jenny Deeper Layer: While discussing what was lost in the pandemic, Jenny indicates that she lost her job
Stu Deeper Layer: Lost his wife during the pandemic, but blames it on illegal aliens coming into the country
F.M. Deeper Layer: His family lost their farm during the pandemic and now he has set out on a new course to become a rapper
Peter Cetera Deeper Layer: Lost his grandmother due to complications with virus and is now seeking to follow his dreams of being a musician despite the shadow his name has cast on him
Dani Deeper Layer: Dani’s family has been torn apart by their opposing political stances and she’s been struggling to keep them civil.
Twyla Midpoint: Elliot exerts his influence on the group, bringing his motives into question.
Florida Man Midpoint: At the group meeting he meets the group that he will ultimately lead to revolution
Elliot Midpoint: Elliot is working with another group that is determined to sabotage the experiment causing the extinction of mankind
Elliot Deeper Layer: Elliot isn’t just self-interested, he is also conspiring against Twyla and the Janitor
Intrigue 1: Secret Identity: As the group enters that are given name tags, but many of them choose not to use their real names
Intrigue 2: Wound: Florida Man reveals to the group that he isn’t there because of loss but rather because if he didn’t come here he would go to jail
Intrigue 3: Hidden Agenda: Elliot reveals that the group has a cosmic bond that unites them
Intrigue 4: Intriguing World: Each group member reveals what they’ve lost and the person next to them needs to put a positive spin on it.
Intrigue 5: Conspiracy: Elliot consults a shadowy figure and alludes that he is there to make sure the experiment fails
Turning Point/Midpoint: Florida Man finds that each person has experienced loss during the pandemic that won’t allow them to return to the world they knew. Elliot reveals that he is going to undermine the entire experiment so that mankind terminates itself
ACT 4
Essence: Florida Man is reluctant to open up about his life as he is accustom to being on his own and blending in. Elliot suggests a trust building exercise.
Florida Man TP 2: The group shows Florida Man no respect when they find out he is only there because the court required him to join a support group and he believed the pandemic was part of a conspiracy
Florida Man Dilemma: Leave the group that the judge is requiring him to go to because he is being ridiculed or go to jail.
Elliot TP 2: Elliot sees his chance to push Florida Man before he’s ready and appoints him to lead the trust building exercise
Twyla TP 2: Elliot nominates Florida Man to lead the trust building exercise.
Judge Deeper Layer: When Elliot gives Florida Man the ultimatum to open up or get out the Janitor stops sweeping and Twyla’s attention goes to him immediately as if expecting an intervention
Elliot Dilemma: Betray is mentor or allow the humans to survive
Twyla Dilemma: Tolerate Elliot’s antics and potentially jeopardize the experiment or speak up and go against him
Elliot Major Conflict: Elliot needs to destroy any chance that Florida Man will succeed.
Twyla Major Conflict: She feels like she is losing control of the experiment to Elliot
Florida Man Major Conflict: Florida Man is given the first opportunity lead the group in a trust building exercise and fails exquisitely
Intrigue 1: Secret Identity: The Janitor is always in the background working and listening
Intrigue 2: Strange Behavior: Elliot pushes Florida Man, the person the group likes the least to lead them in a trust exercise
Intrigue 3: Strange Behavior: As Elliot becomes aggressive, Twyla turns to the Janitor, which Florida Man notices
Intrigue 4: Hidden Layer: The trust exercise is Elliot’s first attempt to discredit Florida Man as a leader and ensure that he’ll never successfully be able to lead the group
Intrigue 5: Wound: Being put on the spot backfires and Florida Man gains sympathy from one of the group member’s with a deep fear of public speaking.
Turning Point: Elliot and Twyla see the reluctance of Florida Man to participate personal information and in turn make him the leader of the group.
ACT 5
Essence: The conclusion of the first group session.
Florida Man Ending: Florida Man goes home and gets the message about a false flag event happening at an upcoming protest
Elliot Ending: Elliot seems happy that Florida Man is proving to be entirely incompetent
Elliot Deeper Layer: Elliot, Twyla and the Janitor are not human.
Twyla Ending: Twyla feels conflicted about the experiment unsure if this is even ethical
Janitor Deeper Layer: As the group leaves the room, the Janitor returns and tells them to start prepping for the second session—he is the architect of the experiment
Intrigue 1: Secret Identity: The Janitor emerges as the leader of the group when everyone leaves.
Intrigue 2: Mystery: The Janitor alludes to the group being abducted.
Intrigue 3: Accusation: Twyla calls out Elliot’s behavior as unacceptable.
Intrigue 4: Intriguing World: Florida Man returns to an empty home. He lives in an apartment that resembles a crime scene. Stacks of open books. Pictures on walls. Maps. An investigation is underway.
Intrigue 5: Conspiracy: Florida Man turns on the computer. A video is paused. He hits play. A man is talking about this theories on UFOs and aliens.
Lock In: The group walks out of the church and goes their separate ways. Inside the church the aliens allude to the group actually being abducted, as Twyla has concerns about whether she can keep this charade going. At home we see Florida Man is all alone, and his life is a conspiracy-driven train wreck. He checks out his computer and receives a mysterious email indicating that the protest is going to be a false flag event.<font face=”Helvetica Neue” size=”2″ color=”#000000″> </font>
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