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Day 2 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
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56 Replies
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Lori’s Deeper Layer!
Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.
“Deeper Layer” puzzle:
• Surface Layer: Claire is a middle-aged mom who decides to return to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. She longs for more out of life and wonders what else is out there. Claire wants her kids and husband to be more self-sufficient so that she can go after her dreams for once. When the mother returns to work, the family agrees to hire an AI to help with chores around the house.
• Deeper Layer: The AI longs to belong to a family.
• Major Reveal: The AI has real emotions but is not so good at handling them. The AI plots to get rid of the mom, thinking she can take her place.
• Influences Surface Story: The family must change how they work together to eliminate Alex.
• Hints: The audience knows something is off with Alex from the beginning. Maybe it’s a glitch, but she seems more human and shows more emotions than any robot should. From the moment she sets foot into her family’s home, she secretively makes a plan to take the mom’s place permanently.
• Changes Reality: What was meant to solve a problem becomes the problem.
Add the rest of the structure to the characters to the script:
• Beginning: Alex causes trouble at the lab where she was created. It’s a hectic family morning with news that Claire is returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. The husband and kids aren’t thrilled with the idea. Brad stresses about his wife returning to work. Claire is excited yet apprehensive about this new chapter in her life, and she wonders how it will affect the family,
• Inciting Incident: After Alex’s creator is fired, Alex decides she will take her life into her own hands and places herself in a category of AI housemaids, and she assigns herself a family. Claire must leave for training for two weeks, meaning Brad and the kids will be on their own. The kids beg Brad to hire an AI, and as “luck” would have it, they are approved for a free two-week trial.
• The family agrees to hire an AI to fill Mom’s shoes temporarily. Claire gets the news that the family has hired an AI. She gives her blessing and hopes the AI will get the house and family in order.
• Turning Point 1: Alex shows up at the Logan home and charms the family. She’s a fish out of water. Brad is happy to see his kids getting along well with the AI. He loves the excitement the AI adds to their lives and feels guilty for being attracted to the AI. Unbeknownst to the family, Alex wants to permanently take the mom’s place.
• Act 2:
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The AI plans to eliminate Claire. The family discovers the AI’s evil plan. Claire is worried when she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family. Claire is sent on a wild goose chase thanks to the AI.
• Act 3:
• Turning Point 3: The AI is mad at the family and is now out for revenge. Brad is angry that he was fooled by the AI and wants to protect his family. The family tries to get rid of the AI, which proves hard to do. Claire desperately tries to get back home as she fears something awful has happened.
• Act 4 Climax: It’s a fight to the “death.” Brad leads his kids, and it’s one last fight to the “death” to get rid of the AI. Claire returns home to fight alongside her family against the AI.
• Resolution: Alex leaves the Logan family and finds the engineer that created her hoping to start a family with him. The family thinks the AI has been destroyed, and they work together to find a new normal that works for the whole family. Claire decides she wants to work from home, and her family is very supportive.
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Lori, I have not been on the forums yet, really, just playing catchup, but I went on today because I was having trouble understanding this assignment. Yours was the first I read and you not only made the assignment perfectly clear, I’m totally sold on your story! Great writing and plotting!
All best,
Lauren
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Tracy’s Deeper Layer!
I am absolutely capable of building in an engaging deeper layer!
I will do whatever it takes to become a successful author and screenwriter with multiple successful screenplays produced.
What I learned doing this assignment is that there can be more than one deeper layer for each character.
ANNA
Surface Layer:
Anna travels alone to bring supplies to her husband and brothers at Valley
Forge, so they don’t die of starvation or disease.
Deeper Layer: To keep them alive, she puts herself in
extreme peril, and leaves her children at home with relatives. No
guarantee she will return.
Major Reveal: If
her husband and brothers die, her uncle will get control of Anna and her
children, and will take the children from her and put them in indentures or
have them raised by other people who can afford it.
Influences
Surface Story Anna was orphaned as a child when her father died, and the
same uncle removed her and two of her brothers from the home and put them
in apprenticeships and indentures, making it impossible for Anna’s mother
to keep the family farm.
Hints: Anna is estranged
from her family, but she and her children must live with them while
Benjamin is away. She did not marry for money or social position, but for
liberty. Her husband lets her run her own life. They are equals. She is an
abolitionist and treats her uncle’s enslaved servants with kindness.
Changes Reality:
Discovering that Anna is willing to risk her own life so her children will
not suffer as she did when she was young. Struggling with Benjamin’s
decision to go to war and remove the stability she clings to. She must save
him and her brothers to save their children.ANNA (2)
Surface
Layer: Anna is assumed to be either a prostitute or a spy when she travels
alone.
Deeper
Layer: As an indentured servant, she narrowly escaped the advances of her
master’s son. She has learned to keep a secret, and on the road, she
learns about spy craft and survival.
Major
Reveal: When Anna is asked to carry the secret message to General
Washington, she has the skills she needs to be a spy.
Influences
Surface Story: She began her journey full of confidence but is shot down
by people’s assumptions over and over, until they are true. Then she must
learn to deflect and lie, and really be a spy.
Hints: As
a girl, Anna furthered her own education, reading books on the sly. She
learned healing and midwifery from an enslaved woman. She was required to “fit
in” at her uncle’s gatherings of the planter class but felt more at home
with the poorer friends of her brother. She has always been strong enough
to obtain what she wanted.
Changes
Reality: Anna travels disguised as
a boy. She is now a courier, a saboteur, and adventurer.UNCLE
Surface
Layer: Fought in early battles of the war, but now scoffs at Anna’s attempts
to aid the soldiers.
Deeper
Layer: He is worried about finances
and how he will maintain his wealth if the war comes to their part of
Virginia.
Major
Reveal: He is part of a smuggling
ring that steals goods from the Continental Army to equip British POWs.
Influences
Surface Story William acts as though he supports Anna’s journey but he
really just wants her to deliver a payment to his fellow smuggler.
Hints: He
complains about supporting two families. Scoffs at Anna’s patriotic
notions. Tells her there’s no point in collecting clothing and blankets because
likely they will be stolen or misdirected and never reach the soldiers they
are meant to help.
Changes
Reality: He’s not supporting the cause four of his nephews are fighting
for. He could hasten their death, which would make Anna and her children
his responsibility, and he would treat them the same as he did Anna and
her brothers.BENJAMIN
Surface
Layer: Passionate about the fight for liberty—especially religious liberty
Deeper
Layer: He has been harassed while preaching by “faithful” Anglicans. He
preaches because he believes in what he says, not because he’s being well
paid like the priests.
Major
Reveal: His decision to fight and to remain in the army threatens the
liberty of Anna and their children. If he dies, she and the children will
have no rights.
Influences
Surface Story: Benjamin knows if they win the war against the British, it
will weaken the Church of England’s hold on Virginia. Then he and his
fellow Baptists can attain the religious liberty they crave. He says he does
this for his family (in part) yet his absence threatens their well-being
and their liberty
Hints: Benjamin
does not consider Anna’s opinion when he enlists. He does not ask her
before he arranges for her to live at her uncle’s. He assumes she will be
fine at home.
Changes
Reality: Discovering that Anna has imperiled herself on a 200-mile journey
to come to his aid, only to be abused, assaulted, and pursued by an
assassin. When she arrives at Valley Forge, she is treated as a spy. We shift
from seeing Benjamin as a patriot to realizing he required sacrifices from
his wife and family beyond what they were willing to give. -
Kevin Cunningham’s Deeper Layer!
My Vision: By making my high-quality writing and speaking known in many venues (the Industry, Youtube, podcasts, books), I will create a reputation as a profoundly powerful, thoughtful, and skilled writer, and be sought after for new and rewrite activities at the highest levels.
What I learned from doing this assignment: Each turn of this wheel clarifies the deep structure of the plot. It’s effectively a thriller structure, with family-love stories at its heart, and cloaked in a comic satire of clueless townspeople all ironically “finding their tribes” and asserting their righteous idiocy.
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Concept: A woke New England town votes to give their land back to the Native American tribe they stole it from centuries before – putting leadership of the town in the hands of a clueless slacker Native teen
Implicit Concept: Even when they try to help the Natives, the whites can’t help but try to screw them over.
Main Conflict: A slacker Native teen, appointed leader of a town, must overcome his own immaturity and many competing partisan forces to successfully keep the town out of breakdown and bankruptcy, and protect his tribe’s future.
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Surface Layer: The Town struggles to stand for “what’s right” – i.e., reparations for the conquered Natives. Mr. Fox, influenced by his family-oriented wife and progressive daughter, is finally persuaded to do the right thing and vote for the land exchange. But conservatives in town fight it, and strident Progressives want to go even further, so live is in upheaval.
Deeper Layer: Mr. Fox is actually running a detailed scheme to get possession of the land for himself – to develop a retirement oasis for his wife and family.
Major Reveal: Mr. Fox’s secret dealings are revealed upon investigation by Mukki and Mr. Fox’s daughter – from a shifty Native construction developer and Mukki’s Grandfather, they find that Mr. Fox intentionally put the land into Native hands, so they could default! Mr. Fox’s daughter confronts her father.
Influences Surface Story: Each sequence of the transfer of land proceeds according to Mr. Fox’s plan, but seems to be the “triumph” of this or that Town group – on one hand, conservatives, at other times, Progressives. Even Mukki thinks he’s being successful for a while, and Mr. Fox’s daughter congratulates him and falls in love with him – but Mr. Fox had arranged that victory too!
Hints: We see Mr. Fox meeting with various people, apparently about unrelated development projects. We know Mr. Fox is in the middle of plans by Mukki and the town, but is mysteriously above the fray; he seems resistant to being a visible leader – is it humiity? that would be uncharacteristic…. Certain Town leaders are promoted or canned for obscure reasons, suggesting some kind of behind-the-scenes action. It is unclear by whom!
Changes Reality: Once it’s seen that Mr. Fox is in cahoots with sleazy developers, the whole sequence of action becomes clear. People all have contempt for Mr. Fox (do they burn down his retirement house?) But does Mr. Fox also have a change of heart (when his daughter talks deeply to him) – and arranges to send the sleazes to jail?
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Rebecca’s Deeper Layer.
Vision: My success in this program will lead me to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.
I learned from this assignment is that using this method provides for subliminal perception through hints of what’s lurking below the surface that provide an aha payoff when revealed.
Ragman’s War
Surface Layer: Ragman, mine mechanic and WWI hero can’t figure out why the coal and iron police commander targets his family for abuse.
Deeper Layer: Ragman killed sixteen enemy soldiers but left the leader, the 17th man, live, a big mistake.
Major Reveal: The big reveal comes when Ragman confronts Bucholtz about impregnating his sister-in-law and Ludie’s rape. Bucholtz confesses to being the 17th man just before he bites off Ragman’s earlobe.
Influences Surface Story: When Ragman’s sniper fire picks off 16 enemy soldiers following their officer but not their leader. The triggers for Ragman’s anger. A Baldwin-Felts agent, Herman (Herr) Bucholtz, commands the Coal and Iron police that invade Russellton and inquires about a war hero living there. Bucholtz shows interest in Ludie’s brother to gain information.
Hints: Bucholtz confronts Ragman for no apparent reason. Bucholtz leaves Ragman’s brother Ervin for dead after whipping him. Bucholtz stalks Ludie and seduces her younger sister. He vilifies Ludie’s brother and orders him tortured. Bucholtz desires Ragman’s wife, rapes her, and lures Ervin onto company property to arrest him and endure one more beating.
Changes Reality: The discovery changes the audience’s understanding of the motivation for Bucholtz’s ever-increasing attempts to trigger Ragman using brutality against his family members. It also explains why Ragman decides it has to be him to kill Bucholtz to save the mine families from being massacred, his need to correct an old mistake.
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Renee Brown’s Deeper Layers
“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”
What I learned: After laying out the character 4 act arcs and the deeper mysteries, it was interesting as I gave my first attempt at bringing them together in a 4 act story arc… As I copy and pasted from the character arc lists, no matter how messy it is now, at least I know there is a complete character arch for everyone in the story.
GLOW AGAIN
When a magical stone reunites two star-crossed lovers decades later in a small Montana town, they must abandon wounds of the past and confront buried secrets if they are to reignite true love and glow again.
Deeper layer Alley and CJ
Surface Layer: Young Alley falls for CJ, gets her heart broken and abandons her passion.
Deeper Layer: Alley misunderstood the overheard conversation of CJ and Charlie. They weren’t even talking about her. But she rips the relationship apart with no discussion.
Major Reveal: After Alley and CJ collide in Soaking Springs, We see CJ’s side of the breakup so long ago. He was so confused back then, he accused Alley of having another lover. She was so hurt that she let him think it was true.
Influences Surface Story: Both have been living with the pain of betrayals that never happened. Their young lives spun into apathy and chaos because of prideful misunderstandings by both.
Hints: During Alley’s recollection, we see that CJ is mystified with her behavior.
Changes Reality: At first, we are sympathetic with Alley’s broken heart and we kinda think CJ is a jerk. But after we see CJ’s side, we are rooting for him, and frustrated with Alley for ruining both their lives by reacting so rashly to an innocent misunderstanding.
Deeper layer Alley and Lillian
Surface Layer: Lillian is Alley’s long-lost grandmother. Lillian filled young Alley’s head with shining knight tales of her soldier husband Joe.
Deeper Layer: From an early age, Lillian had abandoned relationships when they showed any sign of non-perfect love. This is why she walked away from CJ so quickly.
Major Reveal: When Alley finds Lillian in the rest home and questions her about the heroic tales, Lillian confesses to making up most of the romantic stories.
Influences Surface Story: Alley realizes she has built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies.
Hints: Alley finds the coin that Lillian used to wear around her neck, but it’s a dime, not a penny. Alley’s songs are based on a collection of postcards Lillian left behind. The most worn of which was from Montana.
Changes Reality: Alley realizes she has rejected her true love, twice! Finally, she swallows her pride and sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love and gives her heart to CJ.
4 Act Structure incorporation. (a first swing at it)
Beginning: (Hope)
(1946) War torn Normandy. The Star-cross stone has been handed down by the Lamont’s, mother to daughter. Mother dies in the bombing.
Adventurous Lillian longs for escape. The war is over and a parade for the American allies marches through the streets. Lillian catches the American penny that Joe (soldier) tosses from a tank in the parade. They fall in love and marry quickly.
Lillian’s sister gives Lillian the Starcross Stone to take to America.
Inciting Incident: (Love)
(1946) Sitting on the dock in America, Joe is not there to retrieve Lillian. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. The Stone glows. Joe arrives at the last moment and Lillian reunites with her soldier.
(2000) Wandering Street jeweler CJ Falls for Alley on first touch. Hopeful, talented young singer songwriter Alley Falls in love with CJ. But Lillian had filled young Alley’s head with shining knight tales of her soldier husband Joe. From an early age, Alley has abandoned relationships when they showed any sign of non-perfect love.
Turning Point 1: (Heartbreak)
(2000) Alley overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic. Alley thinks they are talking about HER. Hurt, and betrayed, she leaves CJ on first sight. CJ has no idea why. He accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.
CJ nurses his broken heart in reckless decisions. He gets drunk with Charlie, his dog gets hit by a truck, and CJ gets into a near fatal accident taking Sam (dog) up the mountain to die at home.
(1946) Lillian arrives in America only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi. Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider. This is not Lillian’s idea of the American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, the stone glows. She then finds out she is pregnant. She stays. The stone does not glow for decades.
Act 2; (After the Lost Years)
(Present Day) Alley buys the Starcross Stone in a Missoula antique shop. Alley’s apathy driven life falls apart. She loses her job and goes to Soaking Springs MT to regroup.
Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, CJ spots Alley but does not yet reveal himself. CJ re-lives the painful memories of Alley, the breakup, and his accident. In this way we see the other side of the breakup and realize Alley’s recollection is woefully inaccurate.
(1990) Joe dies. Lillian (now 62) holds her postcards from Montana in her hand. The stone glows for the first time since she left France. She packs her bags and bolts – leaving family and friends behind – including her doting granddaughter – Alley.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: (Release)
(Present Day) Alley finds out her long-lost Grandma (Lillian) has been in Soaking Springs the whole time, but has moved on to?
Act 3: (A New Life)
(1990) Lillian lands in Soaking Springs MT and uses the money from Joe’s life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel. She runs it for decades.
Lillian takes the Stone to Missoula to help pick out a thing, It falls out of her bag and is lost to Lillian. A homeless woman finds the stone and sells it to the antique owner for the price of her deepest desire: Another drink.
(Present) CJ reveals himself to Alley. Alley tells him she threw the necklace that he gave her into the river at “their spot”. They feel the old flame to spite themselves.
(2010) Having no family of her own to name, Lillian checks herself into a rest home when she starts forgetting things.
Turning Point 3:
(Present Day) Alley finds out that Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years).
Alley and CJ get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.
CJ dives into the river to retrieve the necklace that has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree trunk for all these years.
Act 4 Climax: (What is Love, Anyway)
(Present Day) CJ takes the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley. He retreats with his re-broken heart.
Alley finds the rest home, confronts Lillian. Asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana for so long, Lillian hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t.
Alley learns the hyper-romantic stories Lillian told her years ago were mostly made up. Disillusioned, Alley leaves the Starcross stone on Lillian’s dresser as she leaves.
Resolution: (Surrender)
Alley abandon’s her expectations of perfect love and goes to CJ with earnest clarity. He finally kisses her with epic abandon.
Lillian finds the Star-cross Stone that Alley left on her dresser. She holds it close to her heart as she lays down for a nap. The Stone glows again, and Lillian drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with her soldier love, Joe.
One of the rest home nurses sell the Stone to the same antique dealer who places it back in its case, where it sits until this day, waiting to glow again.
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Natalie’s Deeper Layer!
My vision is to create and produce award winning stories that make an unforgettable emotional impact on a worldwide audience.
What I learned from this assignment: Things are slowly taking a better shape. Great lesson!
Surface Layer: Emily discovers from her sketches drawn under hypnosis that her baby daughter maybe alive and becomes obsessed with finding her.
Deeper Layer: Emily has a Dissociative Identity Disorder caused by a serious mental trauma, and one of her personalities is an 8 y.o. girl she thinks is her missing daughter
Major Reveal: is in the final scene where she finds her psychiatrist’s hypnotic sessions notes explaining her condition.
Influences Surface Story: The 8 y.o. girl appears in Emily’s childhood flashbacks where she is confused with Emily. Also, Hagan’s daughter, Hunter, serves to mislead the audience. When Emily finds Hunter in a debris, she thinks that she is her daughter, but Hunter’s appearance at the last scene in the hospital when she calls Hagan Daddy, makes things clear to Emily and the audience.
Hints: No one believes that Emily had a child. In her conversation with Hagan (also could be Walter or Mike – I’ll decide it later), he mentions that he has a daughter, Hunter, and needs to find her.
Changes Reality: Emily accepts truth about her condition and welcomes Hunter as her own daughter. OR this could be revealed to the audience and other characters only, and Emily will believe that she found her missing daughter. Either way, her DID should be cured one way or the other.
Beginning: Emily is in a confinement undergoes a hypnotic session where she describes the most traumatic event of her life, where she supposedly witnessed a mysterious cult’s sacrifice.
Inciting Incident: Emily discovers from her own sketches that her and Hagan’s daughter may be alive.
Turning Point 1: Emily sees Hagan and breaks out of her confinement to find out about Hunter.
Act 2: During a Halloween party in an abandoned tunnel, Emily dances with Hagan wearing cape and mask of the Phantom, where she confesses about being in love with him.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: While influenced by Ayahuasca, Emily sees a vision of Hagan being a leader if the cult conducting sacrificial ritual of their daughter.
Act 3: Emily finds evidence in a warehouse that leads her to believe that Hagan indeed is the leader of the cult
Turning Point 3: Hagan catches Emily and Walter naked in bed in a stages by Walter sex scene, and rushes away. Walter ties up and locks away Emily to prevent her from going after him, and leaves.
Act 4 Climax: Emily finds Hunter underneath the chapel’s floor
Resolution: Emily finds Lady Winslet’s pillow which contains an old family records book and Hagan’s father’s will. She receives her Psychiatrist’s notes from a hypnotic session which explains her mental condition, reunites with Hunter and Hagan, who proclaims his love to Emily.
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Kelly’s Deeper Layer
I want to be an empowered writer who consistently produces salable scripts.
What did I learn? I learned that adding a deeper level to my story or any story gives the story more meaning. In some ways it’s about creating a mystery and showing how that mystery gets revealed.
Surface Layer: Camp counselors lead by Darius are super energetic charismatic/
Deeper Layer: Counselors are aliens using kids as host.
Major Reveal: Quinn witnesses them kill one of the campers and take over her boy.
Influences Surface Story:there is no leaving the camp ground, when campers are ready in the eyes of the counselors they get to leave.
Hints: Quinn doesn’t buy the radical transformation that the campers make. They have the camper’s memories but their personality is off.
Changes Reality: Quinn knows that everything the counselors are doing is to sofen the campers and kill them. Now she must escape.
Act 1:
Opening: Quinn parties like a rock star comes home and tells parents off.
Inciting Incident: After attending another party Quinn is kidnapped by masked individuals.
Turning Point: Quinn is stuck at a teenage boot camp for troubled youth and there is no way out.
Act 2:
New plan: Quinn notices that things at the camp don’t seem to add up. The aliens make great food and have engaging reflective activities that seduce the teens.
Plan in action: Quinn tries to warn others but her peers think she’s nuts
Midpoint : Turning Point: Quinn witnesses the alien transforming into one of the teens and killing them. The aliens begin watching Quinn’s every move.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Quinn figures out the alien plan.
New plan: Quinn convinces some of the teens to leave with her. But some of the teens still think Quinn is nuts.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Quinn’s plan works but the aliens learn and strike back by doing a mass transformation slaughter.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Quinn battles the aliens and outsmarts the leader.
Resolution: Quinn returns home a changed teen but no one believes her story.
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CJ’s Deeper Layer!
Vision: I am a confident and empowered writer who embraces challenges and changes and writes highly sought-after projects with fresh and exciting ideas. I will be produced and hired to write projects that get produced.
WIL: Valuable lesson to look beyond what is seen on the surface and more importantly to make sure you plan for it… plant it… and develop it so while it can be unexpected it isn’t really a surprise.
Title: MEMORY HUNTERS
Concept:
In a future with technology to retrieve memories, a Memory Retrevalist, caught in the mind of a psychopath struggles to find a way out before he destroys her mind and kills her.
ASSIGNMENT
As we did above with The Sixth Sense, create each piece of this “Deeper Layer” puzzle.
Surface Layer: Mya helps others recover lost memories to find family heirlooms, documents even some companies to help find where money has been “stashed” and acct numbers to retrieve the embezzled money. <div><div>
Deeper Layer: Mya is looking for a way to forget her childhood traumatic memories when she was abducted by psychopath and tortured – she eventually escaped but not before seeing those who died before her and heard their cries / pleas.
Major Reveal: The psychopath is the one who kidnapped her as a child, and she is the only living survivor – he has made a deal to finally get the one who got away in return he eliminates the CEO’s problem.
Influences Surface Story: Mya studies the logs and videos to learn how subjects have hidden their memories so she can learn how to “hide” her memories
Hints: Why Mya is scouring the logs – her conversations with Terry the Sr. on the team.
Changes Reality: When she comes face to face with the psychopath she initially spirals out of control and then learns she must face her memories and deal with them to be able to move past them.
Add the rest of the structure to the characters to the script. Try to get to the point as we’ve done in the Iron Man example above.
Protagonist: Mya Ortega
Beginning: Mya refuses to deal with her childhood trauma to the point she has a brain tumor.</div>
Surface Layer – Mya helps others with the lost / hidden / or missing memories but refuses to face her own.
Inciting Incident: Mya finds anomalies in the system logs where criminals are being visited off hours
Deeper Layer – Mya looking for way to forget her childhood
Turning Point 1: Mya is threatened (NEW?) Maybe her sister s kidnapped?
Act 2: Mya fights back
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Mya is put in the mind of a psychopath
Major Reveal – Mya is put into the mind of the psychopath she escaped from as a child
Act 3: Mya must face her fears from her childhood
Turning Point 3: Mya fights back and destroys the mind of the psychopath
Change in Reality – Mya must face her childhood and use that to save herself
Act 4 Climax: Mya confronts Frank Yorgen and is proven wrong
Hints – Mya is misled by Terry’s comments which points her to accuse
Resolution: Mya remembers a memory from psychopath’s mind and realizes that it was Terry and CEO – she sends Terry into destroyed mind of Psychopath and destroys CEO.
</div>
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Claudia’s Deeper Layer
Vision: To become such an excellent writer that I know every script I write will be well received by the industry, that my scripts will sell and be produced, and I’ll live the life of my dreams. To also become so empowered that fear is to be laughed at, instead I relish and look forward to pitching, meetings and much more.
What I’ve Learned Doing This Assignment: It’s what’s underneath the surface that makes the story intriguing.
Surface Layer: Abby has to put aside her dreams and help her family business.
Deeper Layer: Abby has to deal with being terrified of germs.
Major Reveal: Jack is a major slob, borderline hoarder
Influences Surface Story: The business is on the verge of financial ruin. Maids call out sick.
Hints: Boomer is always trying to get involved, to “help.”
Changes Reality: Abby and Jack are together in more ways than one and both dealing with their issues.
Beginning:
Is giving a live lesson on storage; Show Germaphobia while walking dog
Inciting
Incident: She rushes to hospital; her father has a heart attack. Meets Jack
at hospital.
Turning
Point 1: Abby is guilted into taking over the cleaning business. Jack is
an old friend of the family.
Act
2: Abby meets maids; makes changes;
learns the company is in trouble.
Turning
Point 2 / Midpoint: Maids rebel and pretend to be sick, leaving Abby to
try to do all the work herself. Spends time with Jack but he’s hiding
something.
Act
3: Company is in serious trouble. Abby looks for ways to fix things or might
need to sell. Jack tries to help. Brings in Boomer.
Turning
Point 3: Abby finds out Jack is a hoarder. The business is going under.
Act
4 Climax: Abby gets one last shot with a major client. Realizes Boomer is
trying to steal the company.
Resolution:
Abby saves the company and helps it expand. Abby and Jack start a new
venture, both personally and professionally. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Deeper Layer
My vision: I am the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who receives praise for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: how the various character’s stories interweave with each other and force deeper layers to rise to the surface. Very cool.
Title: Shards
High Concept Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.Surface Layer: A young woman with amnesia works with a hypnotist to try and remember events surrounding the disappearance of her treasure hunter father in her childhood.
Deeper Layer: The hypnotist murdered her father twenty years ago. He also attempted to kill Sarah and is responsible for the traumatic injury that created her amnesia.
Major Reveal: The big reveal is in the cave when Sarah discovers her father’s skeleton speared through by a Conquistador lance and her memories flood back. She remembers that March murdered her father.
Influences Surface Story: March failed to kill 6-year-old Sarah after he murdered her father. But because he suffered a traumatic injury at that time, he can’t remember the location of the treasure cave. He must pry clues out of Sarah’s memory with Hypnosis while concealing his true identity.
Hints: Greed, overconfidence, and massive ego drive March to inadvertently insert his own memories into Sarah’s memories during her therapy sessions. March seems to know way too much about old events for someone who supposedly wasn’t there at the time.
Changes Reality: Discovering that March has been the killer the whole time shifts us from seeing Sarah as probably responsible for her father’s death to realizing March has used her the whole time to help him remember the location of the cave that he has been unable to remember.
YOUNG SARAH COLE SUPPORTING CHARACTER JOURNEY STRUCTURE
Beginning: Spunky, strong-willed. She always wants to always be with her grave robbing father and can’t understand why he wants to send her to school. She wants older Sarah to agree with her.Inciting Incident: Tells her father he should stop smoking. He forces her to give up his lighter that she’s took. She tearfully tells older Sarah “it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t mean for it to happen!”.
Turning Point 1: Disobeys her father, goes off by herself and gets lost only to discover the treasure cave. It’s dark inside. She tells older Sarah that she knows her father will be proud of her and not make her go to school.
Act 2: Shows her father how she put broken pieces of a pot back together. He’s proud of her. She can’t understand why older Sarah has problems remembering things. Tells older Sarah that if she believes everything that she tells her, she will be okay. Don’t believe what other people tell her.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Steals Ben’s lighter to light up the interior of the treasure cave, goes off by herself again. Tells older Sarah she doesn’t have to be afraid. It’s just some old cave.
Act 3: Tells her she doesn’t like Bear. He scares her. Says her father calls Bear, numb nuts. Tells older Sarah not to trust Bear.
Turning Point 3: Leads Ben and Bear to the treasure cave.
Act 4 Climax: Discovers that Bear has killed Ben. She runs and is caught by Bear, thrown off the cliff.
Resolution: Tells older Sarah that she’s going to be okay and that she will always be with her.
JOHNNY BENALLI SUPPORTING CHARACTER JOURNEY STRUCTURE
Beginning: He’s a Navajo Police officer at odds with grandfather, the tribal shaman who thinks Johnny should quit his policeman job and become the tribe’s shaman.Inciting Incident: He gets laid off because of a conspiracy between his father (the current police chief) and his grandfather, the shaman.
Turning Point 1: He takes a job at a local horse stable as a back country Navajo guide.
Act 2: Johnny hates the stable, was meant for police work and argues with his father, Frank (Navajo Nation Police chief) and the Shaman. Johnny wants to know more about a 20-year-old story about a young girl dropped off at the Navajo hospital with a critical head injury.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: He queries his father on the story about Sarah Cole who got dropped off at the hospital 20 years ago and is told to leave the story alone and reminded he’s been laid off.
Act 3: Disillusioned and unsure what to do with the rest of his life, Johnny reluctantly spends time with his grandfather and refreshes his native and shamanistic lore. He learns about a fabled treasure cave and a spiritual tragedy at it. He can’t stop the cop in him and sneaks into the station, reviews old records and learns that his father was involved somehow with young Sarah Cole winding up at the hospital.
Turning Point 3: At the stable he hears from Tomas, a worker with a broken jaw (the “mugger” that March “saved” Sarah from) that a woman named Sarah Cole and man named March need a guide. Johnny finds Tomas’ baggie of coke. Tomas is in a bind. Johnny wants to know about Sarah and Tomas says that March hired him to make him look good in front of Sarah. Johnny will now be their guide. When March hears he’s livid about it and has to cover his worry about the switch in guides.
Act 4 Climax: Johnny leads Sarah and March on a search for the cave. He suspects March is not who he claims and tells Sarah about it. Sarah doesn’t believe him and gets angry. Johnny is ordered by March to stay away from Sarah. He gets bitten by a rattlesnake that somehow found its way into his bedroll and must use a native remedy to cure himself. Johnny is weak, but with his tribal knowledge, and that of his grandfather.
Resolution: He protects Sarah in the cave and gets shot by March. He survives, realizes his future is as a cop AND as the shaman. We think Johnny and Sarah might hook up in the future but we’re not sure.
SHAMAN SUPPORTING CHARACTER JOURNEY STRUCTURE
Beginning: He learns in a dream that he must help a spirit cross over. The spirit is Ben, Sarah’s father.Inciting Incident: He conspires with police chief, Frank, (Johnny’s father) to get Johnny laid off so that Johnny gets involved in a cause bigger than himself – becoming the new shaman.
Turning Point 1: He helps Johnny explore his spiritual roots, subtly dropping clues to make him commit to his future path as shaman.
Act 2: He orders Frank to come clean with Johnny about what he knows regarding Sarah and March. It’s a father son spat and ends with Frank reminding the shaman to take care of the spirit world and Frank will take care of the police work.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: He learns in a dream that he will soon die. He travels into the desert to talks to walking spirits (dust devils) and prepare a path for Johnny.
Act 3: He teaches Johnny more about shamanism and reveals secrets about the treasure cave. It exists.
Turning Point 3: He tells Johnny to expect “one who did not die” (Sarah) who comes with a shapeshifter, who is March.
Act 4 Climax: He appears at the cave, distracts March for a second which gives Johnny a chance to try and take down March.
Resolution: He fulfills his prophecy when he sacrifices himself to save Johnny, gets shot and dies.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Deeper Layer
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I was really scared to do this assignment because I always think I don’t have any good ideas/know what I am doing.
Surface Layer: Callahan is a mild-mannered office worker.
Deeper Layer: He’s a highly trained assassin and spy
Major Reveal: It gets revealed when the ransom drop goes wrong
Influences Surface Story: His deceased wife made him promise not to do dangerous things but he can’t stand by when his friends are kidnapped.
Hints: Callahan disarms the knife wielding guy at the opening banquet and thwarts a larger attack.
Changes Reality: Seeing Callahan become who he really is, makes us understand that he is very dangerous to criminals like Aaron and the arms dealer. They have no idea what they have unleashed
Beginning: Callahan is an MI6 agent who has lost his wife in a terrorist attack
Inciting Incident: Callahan subtly disarms a knife wielding man at a banquet thwarting a plot by terrorists in the UK. The terrorists threaten revenge.
Turning Point 1: Callahan’s life is threatened and he is told to take time off.
Act 2: Callahan visits his CIA friend Aaron Copley and his wife, Gabrielle, in the U.S.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Gabrielle is kidnapped and Aaron disappears at the ransom drop and Callahan engages in a gun fight with the kidnappers, barely escaping with his life and taking down some of them.
Act 3: Callahan reaches out to the CIA for help but isn’t believed.
Turning Point 3: The CIA threatens Callahan as Aaron has contacted them, Callahan realizes the Aaron is part of the plot.
Act 4 Climax: Callahan follows the terrorist to his desert estate in Mexico while leading the CIA, who is watching him, to the enemy’s lair.
Resolution: A shoot out, Aaron is arrested by the CIA and Callahan saves Gabrielle. The arms dealer escapes.
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Hope McPherson’s deeper layer
Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.
What I learned: I like the building blocks of constructing an outline and script. I find it freeing to approach the story this way – rather than hope for the best and whims of inspiration at just the right time.
Surface layer: Marta’s life is turned upside down when the antagonist of her book escapes the pages and begins editing her life the week before her wedding.
Deeper layer: Marta’s life IS a mess because she’s dealing with being raised by an alcoholic.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Major reveal: Cyrus, the manuscript’s antagonist, tells her about fiancé David’s betrayal and admits he’s an unemployed actor.
Influences surface story: Cyrus sees how Marta is living out co-dependency of her childhood.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Hints: Cyrus doesn’t always remember what “he” did in the manuscript. Assistant Professor Andrew Vanderburg knows things about Cyrus that he shouldn’t.
Changes reality: Marta really did need “editing” to become free from the co-dependency of her childhood.
Beginning: Marta has a bridezilla meltdown over a typo on the menu when she learns the English Department plans to let one of its young faculty members go soon.
Inciting incident: Her manuscript’s fictional antagonist, Cyrus Landrake, shows up in her office.
TP 1: Marta must save her wedding as Cyrus begins editing her life and changing wedding plans.
Act 2: Marta unable to rebook venue and caterer; stuck with subpar options as Cyrus threatens to put David into the book, if she doesn’t cooperate. Andrew sabotages Marta to their dean, lying about her work and dedication.
TP2/midpoint: Marta can’t find David and she’ finds him “in her manuscript.” Andrew gives David $10K, knowing he’ll disappear and gamble it away, and he “adds” David to the manuscript to make it look like he’s been swept inside of it. Rosie, from the manuscript, appears.
Act 3: Marta’s wedding plans implode and she’s fired.
TP 3: Cyrus wants out of deception, but is blackmailed by Andrew. Marta discovers truth about David’s gambling when he’s late for the wedding rehearsal.
Act 4 climax: Marta discovers the connection between Andrew, Cyrus, and Rosie.
Resolution: Marta calls off the wedding to break the cycle; the dean offers to rehire her, but she decides to become a full-time author. Cyrus admits that he’s falling for Marta.
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Andrew Kelm’s Deeper Layer
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.
What I learned doing this assignment is… How to get specific about seeding the plot with a subtext layer.
FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.
Surface Layer: Daphne is a victim of abusive men, and Roy is one more taking advantage of her
- Deeper Layer: Daphne is using Roy to get exactly what she wants — success and independence
- Major Reveal: She accidentally lets slip that she planned the apparent coincidence that gave her an alibi for Roy’s death
- Influences Surface Story: Daphne knows from the moment she meets Roy that he is her ticket out, and all the romantic impulsiveness fits into her plan
- Hints: In the first scene she tells her client that she doesn’t want another relationship with a man and lays out her vision of independent success; then she is strangely accepting of Roy’s betrayals — until they feed into her plan
- Changes Reality: Realizing that Daphne planned Roy’s death makes us consider that there may be a potential calculation behind all her moves
Incorporating into structure:
- Beginning: Daphne lives in an apartment above her mother’s hair salon looking after two kids from different fathers and doing card readings. She chats with her client how she is through with men and wants an independent life as a successful therapist
- Inciting Incident: meets Roy, who is obviously screwed up and manipulable
- Turning Point 1: She runs away with Roy, apparently caught up in the romance, but it gets her out of her mother’s
- Act 2: She lives with Roy in the caretakers quarters at Gilbert’s church, putting up with being taken advantage of as a means to an end as she gathers strength
- Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: she manages to pull together enough money for a downpayment and get a mortgage for a house; her and Roy move out
- Act 3: she thrives living with Roy and getting her career going, ignoring him more and more as she needs him less
- Turning Point 3: she discovers Roy has been cheating on her and decides to cheat on him — with someone who turns out to be sadistic, tying her up and holding a gun to her head during sex.
- Act 4 Climax: when she discovers that Roy may have been sexually abusing one of her sons, she tells Roy about her new boyfriend’s abuse, sending him to get retribution and knowing he will be killed; making sure that she has an influential client witness her begging Roy not to go.
- Resolution: She maintains a successful independence as a therapist without any suspicion she is responsible for Roy’s death.
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Ian Greenham’s Deeper Layer
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the importance of creating a deeper layer.
Sisters in Time – Deeper Layer
Surface Layer: After defense attorney Aly Silvers is struck
down with leukemia and needs a bone marrow transplant, she receives one
from a newly discovered identical twin sister, who’s in prison for a
murder she claims she did not commit. After Aly recovers, she helps clear
her sister’s name.
Deeper Layer: Aly’s sister did actually commit the murder.
Major Reveal: The reveal occurs in the final scene when Aly
realizes that the man her sister was accused of killing had the same name
as her father, whom she never knew.
Influences Surface Story: Aly’s sister remains insistent
throughout that she is innocent.
Hints: Aly’s sister was initially convicted of the murder.
Changes Reality: Aly has to come to terms with the fact that
her sister did commit murder.Character Structures
Beginning:
Inciting Incident:
Turning Point 1:
Act 2:
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint:
Act 3:
Turning Point 3:
Act 4 Climax:
Resolution:There really isn’t any change to the character structures, because the guilt of Aly’s sister is not revealed until the last scene. It is a fact underlying the story all the way through, but it does not become evident until the very end. It does not affect the characters’ actions throughout the story.
[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 2: The Deeper Layer – July 12, 2022]
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Erik’s Deeper Layer
My vision is to achieve true excellence as a screenwriter which causes me to be a consistently working writer, with actual movies made from some of my scripts, and to become wealthy as a screenwriter, develop relationships in the movie industry where I am recognized as a truly original writer, and to become indispensable in the market in which I want to write.
What I learned doing this assignment… This one made my deeper layer, and the overall subtext, a little clearer. It did not make the deeper layer any deeper than what I have imagined it to be, because that does not fit my genre. Either way, it was a helpful assignment and helped to confirm and clarify the story, which is what all of the assignments so far have done. I think it is as deep as it should be.
Surface Layer:
Penny and Mara decide to stay in a huge shopping mall instead of going back to the orphanage.
Deeper Layer:
Penny is convinced that she will not be adopted and has decided that she is going to try to “live on her own”. (Needs to convince Mara to her way of thinking so that she can have a companion to make her ordeal easier.)
Major Reveal:
Is it when Penny leaves behind a note for Amanda upon leaving her place?
Or, when Mara defies Penny and is about to run to the store where Sarah works, Penny ‘lays down the law’ for Mara.
Influences Surface Story:
–Penny claims to Mara that it is too dangerous for kids to be venturing down the city street (reason for not leaving the mall and going back to the orphanage).
–Penny suggests to Mara that they could find parents here in the mall.
–Penny tries to ‘dominate’ Mara, influence her way of thinking.
–Penny leaves Amanda’s place.
Hints:
–Penny’s frequent claims and actions meant to keep them in the mall.
–Keeps a distance from Sarah as well as keeping Mara at a distance from her.
Changes Reality:
–Mara realizes that she is
stuck in the mall (she cannot just wander on her own as an 8-year-old) and that
she and Penny are fending for themselves in the world. -
Claire’s Deeper Layer!
MY VISION:
I have a fabulous career as a screenwriter working in both TV and film, and I have tremendous creative, financial, and personal success. I specialize in female driven projects, and I am the go-to-girl for writing lesbian stories.
WHAT I LEARNED: I don’t know if I am doing this right or not, but I am doing it anyway. I’ve dropped perfectionism and I’m taking the next right step whether it is working or not.
HORROR SCRIPT
Surface Layer: Story about a doctor whose patient killed her
Deeper Layer: The doctor tortured the patient because she was a lesbian
Major Reveal: The ghost of the doctor is possessing the lesbians and forcing them to kill their wives
Influences Surface Story: The doctor brought on her own demise.
Hints: Record of murder/suicide in 1980
Changes Reality: Now a story about possession
THRILLER SCRIPT
Surface Layer: Debbie has been kidnapped
Deeper Layer: Debbie’s mother kidnapped her to force her into conversion therapy, then framed Eve for the kidnapping
Major Reveal: Eve was forced into conversion therapy by her father when she was a teen
Influences Surface Story: Eve rescues Debbie and their relationship
Hints: Debbie’s mother lies about Debbie’s relationship with Eve
Changes Reality: Now a story about persecution of queer people
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Pat Fitzgerald’s Deeper Layer
Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.
What I Learned: Adding the deeper layer made my characters more real to me. I can see their subtext continuing to grow as I continue to build my outline.
Surface Layer: Jaki and her daughter Rochelle cannot get along, but they still have a need to depend on each other.
Deeper Layer: Jaki feels like a failure because her daughter has no respect for her. Rochelle feels like a failure because she hasn’t advanced in her career and still financially depends on her mother.
Major Reveal: Near the script’s end, possible Act 4, Jaki and Rochelle have an all-out argument and reveal their true doubts about themselves and true feelings toward one another.
Hints: Constant bickering, walking away from one another but always returning to needing each other’s help.
Changes Reality: Both finally find happiness when they accept each other as they are, instead of wishing the other could change.
Story Structure:
Beginning: Jaki tries to care for her toddler grandson while doing online transcriptions in order to make the monthly mortgage payment.
Inciting Incident: Jaki’s daughter, Rochelle – supervisor of an assisted living home – offers Jaki a job to doing a clown act at the home.
Turning Point 1: The clown act transformed into a raunchy dance, much to the delight of residents and the embarrassment of Rochelle. Jaki turns her attentions to new resident Ajax Coleman, sees him as a money pit.
Act 2: Just as Jaki realizes she genuinely cares for Ajax, Rochelle honors Ajax’s family’s request to ban Jaki from seeing him.
Turning Point 2/Midpoint: Jaki sneaks Ajax from the home, and witnesses him having a dementia episode. She accepts his mental status, in love for the first time in her life.
Turning Point 3: Intending to support Ajax if necessary, Jaki applies for a caregiving job at the assisted living home, but Rochelle turns her down.
Act 4: Jaki and Rochelle have a showdown in which they reveal their own weaknesses and true love for one another.
Resolution: Rochelle is Jaki’s matron of honor at her to Ajax.
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Micki’s Deeper Layer!
My vision: Be recognized as a writer that will work with the industry and would do what it takes to be that WRITER.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that there are layers upon layers to a story telling. To make a story more powerful, you have to peel back each layer and put them back together to make the story more meaningful and draw the audience into the story.
TITLE: FIREWORKS
Surface Layer:
Dakota doesn’t know why Blake is alway angry at her. Every time they get together, Blake starts arguing with Dakota.
Deeper Layer:
Blake is envious of Dakota’s relationship with John. Blake wants John to love her and if she can’t have John, neither is Dakota.
Major Reveal:
Dakota reads the letter that Blake wrote to John right before the graduation.
Influences Surface Story:
Dakota loves her younger sister and always overlooks Blake’s flaws. Blake causes the break-up.
Hints:
The way Blake talks about the break-up John. Dakota tries to ask about why Blake is always angry.
Changes Reality:
Dakota realizes that Blake was the one that causes the breakup by telling John a lie.
PROTAGONIST
DAKOTA TANNER
Beginning:
She picks up a wedding dress.
Inciting Incident:
Goes up to the attic to look for the tablecloth with Blake.
Turning Point 1:
Looks for it and gives up. Heads back down and the door is locked.
Act 2:
Goes through the boxes and notices Blake sitting on the sofa.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint:
Finds her old high school album.
Act 3:
A letter falls out.
Turning Point 3:
Dakota tells Blake she wants to end the feud.
Act 4 Climax:
She reads the letter and now knows why John broke up with her.
Resolution:
She marries John
Antagonist
BLAKE RILEY
Beginning:
She wrote a letter to John in high school.
Inciting Incident:
She goes up to the attic with Dakota.
Turning Point 1:
Sits on the sofa and watches Dakota.
Act 2:
Finds a cd player with CDs and starts dancing.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint:
She grabs the fallen letter.
Act 3:
Sees a motorcycle pulling up in the driveway.
Turning Point 3:
She finds out that Dakota wants to end the feud.
Act 4 Climax:
She and Dakota fight.
Resolution:
She stands next to Dakota at the wedding.
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Bobby’s Deeper Layer
What I learned doing this assignment is… honestly, I thought my whole concept was a bit of a goof – not serious at all. And that hasn’t exactly changed – but, much as SEAN OF THE DEAD makes one hell of a commentary on how “modern man” is pretty damn close to a zombie already, this assignment made me see depth even in my title, which I had just thought of as a literary description (JASON VS THE ZOMBIES…). Cool!!!
ON A SIDE NOTE: Wasn’t sure exactly what we were supposed to post here – I put my whole outline after the “surface/deeper layer/major reveal” stuff, with some DL stuff added in (that’s the idea, right? Each of these assignments adds to our outline? Hope that was right…
MOVIE: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES
HIGH CONCEPT:
A tormented, aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the bullies that were his intended victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.
SURFACE STORY 1: Jason is getting revenge on the bullies who torment him.
DEEPER LAYER 1: Jack – the leader – was Jason’s best friend, and abandoned him in 3<sup>rd</sup> grade, the same year Jason’s mom died.
SURFACE STORY 2: Jason has to join forces with bullies to fight zombies.
DEEPER LAYER 2: Jason is forced to confront the “zombies” in his own life – the dead that haunt him: his mom, who his dad USED to be, the “dead friendships” with Jack and Lucy.
MAJOR REVEAL: When Jason’s purpose is revealed at end of Act 3 (there to kill them all), the history comes out. Jack mocks how he wore the same Star Wars t-shirt for 30 days in 3<sup>rd</sup> grade (i.e., how could people not make fun of you??) – Jason disappears, Lucy calls Jack an asshole. In one-on-one with Lucy, Jason’s mom’s death comes out, as does the history with Jack and Lucy.
INFLUENCES SURFACE STORY: All of Jason’s anger is really about Jack’s betrayal (and Lucy’s?). His fantasy is about revenge against Jack, and re-claiming Lucy. When face to face, Jack is bizarrely uncomfortable around Jason, and lashes out at his own friends out of guilt.
HINTS: Strange level of tension between Jack and Lucy regarding Jason. Jack’s mockery of Jason’s insistence on zombies seems unusually charged (Jason always exaggerates? Evidence of history between these two). Maybe when group learns Jason was there to kill them, Jack DEFENDS Jason?
CHANGES REALITY: Jason’s homicidal tendencies suddenly make sense. We see the personal pain caused by those he trusted the most, who “took” his life from him long ago.
JASON’S 4-ACT STRUCTURE
OPENING: Jason fantasizes being the “hero” (killing Jack, rescuing Lucy); woken/abused by Carl at home; late for work, and abused and mocked there
INCITING INCIDENT: Jason humiliated by Hack and the bullies; fired by boss
DL: Some interaction between Jack and Lucy re: Jason’s treatment…? Jack uncomfortable with group’s mockery, but lacks the balls to say anything
TURNING POINT 1/END OF ACT I: Jason’s Dad sides with bullies (“you’ll always be a loser, ‘cause you can’t take what you want”) Jason vows to live out his fantasy and kill his enemies
DL: Carl (J’s Dad): You know, you make me grateful your mother isn’t here to see what a fuckin pussy you turned out to be.
DL: Jason ties an old shirt/piece of cloth (his Star Wars shirt) around his forehead “bandana-style” as part of his “warrior look”
ACT II: Jason tracks bullies to the cabin – falling victim to fear all the way, failing over and over to live up to his own expectations of the “Avenging Hero” – then he has his first chance to kill…
DL: In scenes at cabin, Lucy really pissed at Jack, and he can’t figure out why…
TURNING POINT 2/MID-POINT/END OF ACT 2: Jason can’t make himself kill Vinnie – one of nastiest bullies – peeing in the woods; then a zombie kills Vinnie! Jason freezes, until Hack kills the zombie with Jason’s machete. Zombies are real! Hack realizes what Jason’s doing there… and smiles.
ACT III: Hack brings Jason inside, claims to know nothing of zombies. Jason begs bullies to help him, to survive zombie attack
DL: Jack goes off on Jason’s obsession with monsters (these two seem to know each other VERY well)
TURNING POINT 3/END ACT 3: Zombies invade the house, as Jason’s “mission” is revealed, and he has to confront bullies/make amends, while fleeing to roof to avoid zombies
DL: Lucy: “you were going to kill us?” Jason: “Not YOU! No! I – “ Jack: “Just the rest of us…”
DL: Jack and Jason “have it out” – REVEAL about their past, Jason’s mom’s death and Jack’s abandonment of Jason. (need to figure out Lucy’s role in all this…)
CLIMAX: Jason defeats Hack – who’s turned zombie – and saves Jack and Lucy.
DL: Metaphorically, Jason destroys the baggage/dead weight he’s been carrying around his whole life – proves his dad wrong
RESOLUTION: Jason is the hero at last – and makes friends in the process.
DL: Jack acknowledges Jason’s heroism; a possible re-kindling of friendship. Jason acknowledges Jack and Lucy make a good pair?
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Leona Heraty’s Deeper Layer!
My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have my screenplays produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…adding deeper layers to my plot is fun and challenging and I think the deeper layers really make my story much more engaging!
Title: Termo-Lytes Attack!
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.“Deeper Layer” Puzzle
Tara: Protagonist
Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes: AntagonistSurface Layer: Tara is petrified of bugs has no sense of direction, and when her cell phone battery goes out, and a storm hits, she loses her sense of direction and the tour group gets lost.
Tara’s parents tell her leading a tour group will be “good for her sense of direction.” Meg says takes a teaspoon of spirulina in her water bottle to combat a cold and tells Tara and Davy they should take it too to build immunity.
Deeper Layer: Tara is petrified of bugs and lacks a sense of direction because she got lost in a corn maze as a kid and her legs were covered with biting termites.
Major Reveal: The big reveal is in the climax when Big Betty is chasing Tara through an underground tunnel to the “Termo-Lytes Feast” and Big Betty said she was there when Tara was covered with biting termites as a kid. Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes were making a comeback eating hay, then they will killed again with insecticide!
The Termo-Lytes were “revived from the land of the dead” by the green goo made of spirulina. Big Betty thanks Meg for creating the green goo that brought them back from the dead and is helping them grow bigger and bigger all the time. Meg is embarrassed and tells her story and reveals her secret.
Influences Surface Story: Tara’s parents say leading the tour group will be “good for her sense of direction.” Tara’s Dad says that Tara is “lost in a found world.” Big Betty mentions the “glory days of old” for the Termo-Lytes. Big Betty mentions green as her “new favorite color.”
Tara and Meg and Davy into trusting her and lures them into the tunnel and enjoys it when they get lost and can’t find a way out, then she helps them find the exit, so they can trust her. However, Big Betty already knows that Tara lacks a sense of direction and is really petrified of bugs and freezes if a bug lands on her.
Hints: Tara crashes her car on a curb in the opening scene just because one little bug flew into her car. Tara can’t follow a map and gets lost without her GPS on her phone. Tara’s Dad says she doesn’t need to remain “lost in a found world.”
Tara tells Meg and Davy she’s “no big on following maps.” Meg tries to discourage Tara from turning into the abandoned country club lane…she says it could be dangerous since it’s been abandoned so long.
Big Betty talks about the “feast” of the Summer Solstice and how they’ll have all kinds of “yummy treats.” Big Betty talks about “future plans” and “goals” to “make things better around here.”
Changes Reality: When Tara and Meg and Davy are lured into the Summer Solstice Feast, Big Betty tells Tara she was one of the termites who chewed on her feet and legs when she was a kid and got lost in the Halloween corn maze.
Big Betty mocks Tara and says she’s an “easy prey” and will be fun to eat! Big Betty tells Tara she’s too afraid of bugs to ever fight back against the Termo-Lytes! Big Betty blames Tara for “putting the kibosh” on the Termo-Lytes comeback ten years ago! She blames the Sumerians for developing their crude pesticides 4,500 years ago and “putting the Termo-Lytes out of business!
4-Act Structure With Deeper Meaning
ACT 1Beginning: One month ago: In an industrial kitchen/homemade lab, a figure leaving the room brushes up against a jar of green goo on the counter.
Present Day: Tara is driving and a bug flies into the car, and she freaks out, loses control, runs her car up on a curb, jumps out and climbs a tree to get away from it.
Inciting Incident: Tara’s Mom and Dad ask her to drive the last tour group for the house garden tour and she reluctantly agrees to do it. Tara’s parents tell her leading a tour group will be “good for her sense of direction.”
Meg says takes a teaspoon of spirulina in her water bottle to combat a cold and tells Tara and Davy they should take it too to build immunity. Tara’s parents say leading the tour group will be “good for her sense of direction.” Tara’s Dad says that Tara is “lost in a found world.”
Turning Point 1: It starts to storm, Tara’s cell phone runs out of battery, they lose the GPS directions and run out of gas. They seek shelter at an abandoned country club.” Meg tries to discourage Tara from turning into the abandoned country club lane…she says it could be dangerous since it’s been abandoned so long.
ACT 2
Act 2: Tara, Meg and Davy try to call for help but their cell phones are dead, and the storm gets worse. They hear scary animal noises and Tara finds a place where they can hide until they can figure out their next plan. Davy starts to eat candy bars and leaves one half-eaten on the seat and Meg warns him it could attract bugs.Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The group’s hiding place is a tunnel under a nest of giant Termo-Lytes, who spotted them! Big Betty says they just want to be friends, but some of the Termo-Lytes look really scary and hungry! Big Betty reassures the group and talks about the “feast” of the Summer Solstice and how they’ll have all kinds of “yummy treats.” Big Betty talks about “future plans” and “goals” to “make things better around here.”
Big Betty smells the spirulina in Meg’s water bottle and she changes in an instant! She says green is her “new favorite color.” She snatches the water bottle from Meg and pours it on the floor and drinks it and immediately grows bigger. Big Betty’s eyes flash dark red and her teeth get pointed and longer and she and the Termo-Lytes advance on the group with hungry eyes. Big Betty says the three of them will be a “splendid additions to our Summer Solstice Feast!”
ACT 3
Act 3: Tara finds a new hiding place: an old industrial kitchen that looks like an abandoned lab. Green goo is oozing on a plant in the corner that has the good and is starting to grow fast. The Termo-Lytes are trying to break inside! Big Betty charms Tara into coming out to talk
Turning Point 3: Tara is talking to charming Big Betty, who suddenly turns on the group, snatches Davy, and takes him to an empty pool. Big Betty drops and forces him to climb into the pool as the Termo-Lytes prepare for their summer solstice feast in a dining room and their return to the living!
ACT 4
Climax: Tara and Meg retreat to the kitchen lab, and Meg reveals she owns the abandoned country club. She was making a green substance to create an eco-friendly way to kills termites, but she added too much Turmeric!Tara sneaks out and stumbles across some croquet balls. She hurls them at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to get their attention and get Davy out of the pool. Tara and Davy make it back to the kitchen lab.
Tara notices that turned over bottle of Turmeric fell on the plant and it’s dying fast. Meg says they can dip the croquet balls in olive oil and sprinkle them with Turmeric.
They fight the Termo-Lytes in hand-to-hand combat as they die one-by-one from the Turmeric balls. Big Betty fakes like she’s dying to get their sympathy, and Tara falls for it…until Big Betty grabs Meg and is about to eat her!
When Tara and Meg and Davy are lured into the Summer Solstice Feast, Big Betty tells Tara she was one of the termites who chewed on her feet and legs when she was a kid and got lost in the Halloween corn maze.
Big Betty mocks Tara and says she’s an “easy prey” and will be fun to eat! Big Betty tells Tara she’s too afraid of bugs to ever fight back against the Termo-Lytes! Big Betty blames Tara for “putting the kibosh” on the Termo-Lytes comeback ten years ago! She blames the Sumerians for developing their crude pesticides 4,500 years ago and “putting the Termo-Lytes out of business!
Tara grabs the last of the Turmeric balls and hurls it into Big Betty’s nostril. She breaths it in and dies instantly!
Resolution: The group has survived the attack of the Termo-Lytes! They leave the abandoned country club and start walking down the road, away from the Termo-Lytes. A bug lands on Tara’s shoe and she just laughs.Tara is no longer afraid of bugs!
Inside the kitchen lab, a rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor. The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eating away on the wood…the goo starts to cover them.
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Gisele Frazeur’s Deeper Layer
My vision: I am going to work diligently to become a brilliant, reliable screenwriter who is sought after, regularly produced, highly paid, and awarded. Artistic fulfillment and financial freedom will result from the achievement of this goal!
What I learned doing this assignment is: Unlike erecting a building – – structure can be created out of order – – puzzle pieces being shifted around to create the tightest structure for the screenplay.
Surface Layer: Darin August’s pregnant sister, Livie, is shot and killed outside of Darin’s house. Since Darin has been receiving threats from the followers of a famous televangelist (Lett-T) for having turned down a perfume commission he proposed – – Leff-T and his followers are prime suspects. Darin’s K9 officer brother -in-law, Hank Sandford, seeks both to comfort and protect Darin as well as bring legal justice.
Deeper Layer: Livie was killed as a warning to Hank. Hank is in bed with drug traffickers. Having failed to aid them in deflecting sniffer dogs from detecting during a recent drug transport – – the traffickers shot Livie to keep him motivated and “in line”.
Major Reveal: Hank has been mining Darin for scientific information used in perfume making – – which could result in throwing a dog off a scent.
Influences Surface Story: Darin is kept feeling responsible for Livie’s death. Darin resumes drinking, which threatens her job. Pookie (Hank’s detection dog) is placed on leave for repeatedly failing to find drugs. Leff-T is harassed by Darin because of Hank fueling the fire as regards his supposed culpability in the crime.
Hints: Hank’s refusal to take off his socks – – which would reveal a missing portion of toe. Pookie barking fervently every time Darin sprays perfume. Hank pushing alcoholic beverages on Darin – – who is a recovering addict. Hank being too interested in Darin’s shop talk. Hank forcing a gun on Darin – – when he knows they frighten her post a childhood accident with one.
Changes Reality: Hank has been using Darin for scientific info to be used in deflecting detection dogs from scenting drugs at a drug transport. This is responsible for Pookie’s detection failures and subsequent forced retirement. Hank’s affair with a hooker set the entire chain of events in action. Her pimp, a drug trafficker, blackmailed Hank into assisting in moving drugs undetected. Darin is not responsible for Livie’s death.
Beginning: Darin attends the FiFi awards with her sister Livie. They are mobbed by protesters both entering and exiting the awards. Ominous feeling to an evening which should be celbratory.
Inciting Incident: Upon their return home – – the two are shot at.
Turning Point 1: Darin learns of Livie’s death in the hospital. Hank arrives at hospital and learns of his wife’s death.
Act 2: Darin decides to harass and publicly taunt the prime suspect (Leff-T). Darin slides further and further off the rails. Hank plies her with alcohol, supplies her with a gun for protection, and seduces her.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Leff-T is cleared as a suspect. Leff-T gives Darin intel which leaves her suspicious of Hank.
Act 3: Having been suspended from work for drinking and bad press, Darin gets back on the wagon. Enlists the help of her sponsee, Dharma, to make sense of what Pookie has been trying to communicate. Dharma works search and rescue.
Turning Point 3: Dharma overdoses.
Act 4 Climax: Darin puts the pieces together. Bring’s Leff-T into the loop. Darin, Leff-T, and Pookie have a showdown with Hank. Hank is shot.
Resolution: Darin accepting FiFi award for “Dog Perfume” she made for Livie. Her husband, Leff-T, their daughter and Pookie watch the ceremony. Hank in prison.
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ROBERT SMITH’s DEEPER LAYER
MY VISION FOR SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM:
That I become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED FROM DOING THIS LESSON IS…?
There can be no good script without a deeper layer to the story.
2, AS WE DID ABOVE WITH ‘THE SIXTH SENSE’CREATE EACH PIECE OF THE DEEPER LAYER PUZZLE:
TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND.”
SURFACE LAYER: The Spirit of slain gangster Lou Tasca cannot get into the World to Come because of his life of crime, however, his spirit guide (Rabbi Solomon Levinsky tells Lou that he will get in if he goes back to gangland and persuade his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness Protection Program and can bring the Rabbi’s own son (Sam) to quit the mob also..
DEEPER LAYER: Carlo was ordered to kill Lou by their boss, (Tony Rizzo) on the false charge that Lou had been spilling Giordano Family secrets to other crime families, whereas, actually, Tony wanted Lou out of the way because he owed him $200,000 in gambling debts. Tony (rightly) suspects Carlo and Sam of dealing drugs and especially when he hears Carlo ranting about seeing the ghost of Lou Tasca, Tony seeks counsel from Russian mob boss Oleg Oransky, with whom he shares a gasoline bootlegging racket, as to whether or not he should whack Carlo and Sam. Oleg has ex-KGB officers in his gang who can check out whether or not Carlo and Sam are mixed up in drugs.
MAJOR REVEAL: Oleg Oransky is actually an FBI informant who along with his FBI handlers, will do everything to save the lives of Carlo and Sam. Also, Lisa Rizzo (Tony’s wife) has been an FBI informant, as well.
INFLUENCE SURFACE STORY: Oleg and his FBI informants don’t know it but they become the allies of Lou and Solomon’s mission to not only save Carlo and Sam from Tony Rizzo’s murderous conspiracy against them, but also to talk Carlo and Sam into leaving the mob, flipping to the FBI, and joining the Witness Protection Program.
HINTS: At the beginning of the movie, there is suspicion that an alleged ex-KGB agent (Dmitri) in Oleg’s not ex-KGB. (Seems American) He is. In fact Dmitri is FBI agent Dave Moore, fluent in Russian. He also listens in and coaches Oleg in a phone conversation with Tony.
CHANGES REALITY: Lou and Rabbi Solomon’s pursuit of Carlo and Sam to save their lives
is assured of accomplishment as Rabbi Solomon overheard Oleg’s conversation with Tony and
the FBI. Rabbi Solomon, through spirit-possession warns Carlo and Sam that Tony plans to kill
them and gthe best thing they can do to protect themselves is surrender to the FBI, flip, and enter
the Witness Protection Program.
3. AS DONE WITH ‘THE IRON MAN’ ADD THE STRUCTURE TO THE CHARACTERS TO THE SCRIPT.
LOU TASCA (PROTAGONIST).
BEGINNING: Gangster Lou Tasca ia whacked by fellow wiseguy Carlo Vizzini on the orders of their boss, Tony Rizzo. The official reason: Lou had been telling Giordano Family secrets to other crime families (False). Real reason: Tony owed Lou $200,000 in gambling debts.
INCITING INCIDENT: From his spirit-guide, Rabbi Solomon Levinsky, whom he knew in life, Lou is told that because of his life of crime he cannot move on to the World to Come unless he does an act of supreme good: Convince his killer (Carlo) to do what Lou should have done, i.e., quit the mob, flip, and go into the Witness Protection Program. Rabbi Solomon assures him he will go with him back to gangland and coach him. He also tells Lou the real reason Tony Rizzo ordered his execution.
TURNING POINT 1: Furious and doubting that he can convince a wiseguy to “turn rat,” Lou still resolves to undertake his mission to persuade Carlo to leave the mob and through Carlo to also take Sam with him, Sam is Rabbi Solomon’s son, who also became an Associate of the Giordano Crime Family.
ACT 2: Against Rabbi Solomon’s advice, Lou appears visible only to Carlo at his 30<sup>th</sup> Birthday
Party, frightening the guests with his claim to be seeing Lou , among whom is his boss, Tony
Rizzo who now believes Carlo should be eliminated because an insane wiseguy is a liability.
Tony already (rightly) suspects Carlo and Sam of dealing drugs but Tony calls his gasoline
bootlegging partner, Russian mob boss Oleg Oransky to have his ex-KGB Henchmen investigate
Carlo and Sam and determine if they are involved. Although such a search was done previously
and found no drug involvement, Oleg says he will proceed with another investigation and will
have a sitdown with Tony to discuss the findings. Sam, who abandoned his Jewish religion is
skeptical of Carlo’s claim to have seen Lou. Sam walks out. Lou agrees never to act against
Rabbi Solomon’s guidance. Sam, the Rabbi’s son and Carlo’s friend and fellow wiseguy is
skeptical of Carlo’s claim.
TURNING POINT 2: Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé) believes his claim to have seen Lou and she
wants to have her pole dancing partner, “Zoey the Psychic Stripper” do a séance to expel Lou’s
spirit from Carlo and Sherrie’s apartment.
ACT 3: Lou and Rabbi Solomon are alarmed that a spirit medium is going to interfere with their
Mission to help Carlo. Rabbi Solomon teaches Lou how to spirit posses Carlo during the séance
and tell her to bud out. It works. But Sherrie (who wants Carlo to quit the mob) finds out that
Carlo killed Lou and decides to leave him.
TURNING POINT 3: When Carlo calls Sam to come to his apartment, Lou and Rabbi
Solomon are both glad that if the two of them are together, they can work with both fiends at the
same time and get them to quit the mob, but as Lou notes, that can be as long as they get to both
of them before Tony Rizzo does.
ACT 4 CLIMAX: Rabbi Solomon comes back from learning Tony Rizzo is putting into play a
scheme to kill Carlo and Sam but Oleg, now exposed as an FBI informant and FBI agents are
coming to warn Carlo and Sam that their lives are in danger. After spirit-possessing Carlo,
Rabbi Solomon’s warning and urging him and Carlo to quit the mob and flip to the FBI and enter
Witness Protection. Tony arrives ready to kill but so does the FBI who accept Sam and Carlo’s
surrendering and even .Tony who is persuaded by all them, but especially Lisa (Tony’s wife) to
flip to the FBI also. She is revealed to also be an FBI informant.
RESOLUTION: Lou and Rabbi Solomon withdraw as their mission is accomplished, Lou
moves on to his place in The World to Come.
RABBI SOLOMON LEVINSKY (PROTAGONIST)
BEGINNING: He is a Rabbi whose son, Sam, joined his friend Carlo to enter the Giordano
crime family.
INCITING INCIDENT: He meets the soul of slain mobster Lou Tasca and tells him that
because of his life of crime, he cannot proceed to his portion of The World to Come unless he
does an act of supreme good: Convince his killer, Carlo Vizzini to quit the mob and join the
Witness Protection Program. He also hopes for collateral good, namely, that if he can get Carlo
to quit the mob, Sam will follow him.
TURNING POINT 1: Lou needs help in this mission and Rabbi Solomon, as his spirit guide,
Says, he will go with him and coach him, although Lou will be visible only to Carlo and
Solomon will be visible only to Lou.
ACT 2: Solomon tells Lou not to appear to Carlo in front of others, but Lou, anxious to get the
game over ASAP does show. Solomon tells Lou that he exposed Carlo to Tony as possibly
insane and destined, perhaps, to execution, as Carlo and Sam are already suspected of the capital
crime in the Mafia of selling drugs. Lou promises Solomon he will never again to anything
against Solomon’s advice.
TURNING POINT 2 Rabbi Solomon is alarmed when Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé) who believes
Carlo has seen Lou, asks her pole dancing partner “Zoey the Psychic Stripper” to lead a séance to
expel Lou’s spirit from Carlo and Sherrie’s apartment.
ACT 3: After teaching Lou how to spirit-possess Carlo, Solomon is pleased that Zoey is made o
bud out so that his and Lou’s mission to get Carlo to leave the mob may proceed without
hindrance. However, Carlo keeps resisting Lou’s demand to quit the mob. Sherrie, who wants
Carlo to leave the mob, leaves Carlo after she discerns (correctly) that Carlo killed Lou.
Carlo leaves a voicemail on Sam’s phone to come to his apartment.
TURNING POINT 3: Rabbi Solomon is relieved at this, because now both Sam and Carlo are
together and he and Lou can persuade them both to leave the mob. Lou ominously says to him,
as long as Tony Rizzo doesn’t get to them first.
ACT 4: Rabbi Solomon eavesdrops on Tony and Oleg’s ‘sitdown’ and learns that Tony is on
the way to kill Carlo and Sam and that Oleg is an FBI informant who along with his handlers
want to save their lives. Rabbi Solomon gets to Carlo’s apartment first and tells Lou, Carlo, and
Sam that their lives are in immediate danger from Tony and that the FBI is on their way and the
best thing they could do is surrender to them and enter the Witness Protection Program. In a
raucus conflagration of Carlo, Sam, Sherrie, Oleg, Tony, the FBI Agents (Michelle and Dave),
and Lisa (Tony’s wife and now revealed to be an FBI informant), Carlo, Sam, Oleg, and Tony
himself surrender to the FBI and Witness Protection.
ACT 4 CLIMAX: Now that their mission is accomplished, Rabbi Solomon and Lou disappear.
But Carlo and Sam thank them as do the FBI agents. Sam indicates that he will return to the
Judaism in which his father, Rabbi Solomon had raised him.
RESOLUTION: Lou and Rabbi Solomon now proceed to the World to Come.
“CRAZY TONY” RIZZO (ANTAGONIST)
BEGINNING: Tony is the capo (captain) of a crew in the Giordano Crime Family that includes
Lou Tasca, Carlo Vizzini, and Sam Levinsky. He orders Carlo to execute Lou Tasca on the
grounds that he is allegedly spilling Giordano Family secrets to other crime families. The real
reason: Tony owes Lou $200,000 in gambling debts. Carlo assassinates Lou.
INCITING INCEDENT: Tony suspects Carlo and Sam of selling drugs – a capital offense in
Cosa Nostra but at Carlo’s 30<sup>th</sup> Birthday Party, Tony is alarmed when Carlo freaks out claiming
that he sees the ghost of Lou Tasca and alludes to $200,000 –no further reference. Tony thinks
he may have to kill Carlo because of his insane behavior, however, he has to determine if Carlo
and Sam are dealing drugs. He calls his partner in a gasoline bootlegging racket, Russian mob
boss, Oleg Oransky, whose alleged ex-KGB henchmen are top investigators. Lisa, Tony’s
wife, suspects Tony is on the phone with his Gumar (Mistress) “Zoey the Psychic Stripper” who
is Sherrie’s pole dancing partner at Tony’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club. Tony pleads to Lisa
that he no longer has a relationship with her and he can’t discuss the phone call because it’s mob
“business.”
TURNING POINT 1: Oleg agrees to set the investigation in motion and have a sitdown with
Tony to discuss the findings.
ACT 2: Zoey the Psychic Stripper calls Tony and says Sherrie asked her to conduct a séance to
drive Lou Tasca’s spirit away AND not to worry because the $200,000 mystery will be solved.
This sends Tony into a panic because he fears that the real circumstances of Lou Tasca’s
Assassination and his reasons will be exposed. Lisa (rightly) suspects he was on the phone
with Zoey.
TURNING POINT 2: Tony calls Oleg again to speed the investigation along. Tony is
pleased to hear Oleg say he has news and advice and invites Tony to a sitdown at his sumptuous
Russian Restaurant in Brighton Beach.
ACT 3: At the sitdown with Oleg, he tells Tony that his infallible ex-KGB henchman stand by
their first exhaustive and extensive investigation that Carlo and Sam are clean. Tony rejects their
conclusion and tells Oleg that he trusts his intuition and will proceed with their execution. He
also confesses the real reason for the assassination of Lou Tasca and it’s real reason. Tony needs
money, he has a paraplegic child who demands special attention and so he gambles a great deal.
Tony indicates that appeals to Don Primo Giordano for help have not been answered. Oleg plays
a recording of Don Primo, dissing Tony and saying he’s glad he didn’t make him Underboss.
Tony decides to start his own family but not with Carlo and Sam, they need to be eliminated.
Oleg offers to fly in to New York, two Russian Mafia assassins to do the job but Tony says he
already has a plan he’ll just put it in motion.
ACT 4 CLIMAX: Tony shows up at Carlo’s apartment. It was his plan to have Sam kill Carlo
then he would kill Sam. But Sam was talked out of it by Carlo with whom he reconciles. But
Tony barges in on Carlo, Sherrie, Sam, Oleg who all plan to enter the Witness Protection
Program. The FBI shows up, they put all of them under arrest and offer Tony the opportunity to
flip like the others, he says no, until Lisa, revealing that she has been an FBI and convinces Tony
to quit the mob and join Witness Protection for the well-being of their children. Tony flips with
the others.
RESOLUTION: Tony flips and is led out of the apartment with Carlo, Sherrie, Sam, and Oleg
who are going into Witness Protection. .
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Amechi’s Deeper Layer!
MY VISION
I am going to be a top 1% action/comedy writer in the industry who writes major action films.What I learned doing this assignment is the different places that a deeper layer can be revealed.
DEEPER LAYER PUZZLE
• Surface Layer: Kanaan is a poor loner.
• Deeper Layer: Kanaan is working with the Mayor to get Blackout to go after organized criminals that are ruining his reelection campaign.
• Major Reveal: At the end, Kanaan talks with the Mayor and reveals that their plan has worked.
• Influences Surface Story: Kanaan is able to get a job with the Mayor. Kanaan survives Rhapsody leaving him to die.
• Hints: Escaping the Mayor’s penthouse. Investigating the Mayor. Their ideologies lining up near the end.
• Changes Reality: They were manipulating Blackout together. -
Tina’s Deeper Layer!
My Vision: My writing enables me to live an exuberantly creative and productive life in prosperity.
ARGUS’ EYES
A teenage girl has her disfigured face reconstructed at a beauty clinic in the Black Forest, only to discover that her new face is just a mask and she is now the livestock for a blind demon who has stolen her eyes for himself.
Surface Layer: It is what we think the story is about during the 1st Act.
Growing up in the foster system until her 16th birthday Val is finally asked by her grandmother to live with her in the black forest in Germany. Val just agrees to come to rob her grandmother, because she sent Val away as a baby.
– She sent Val an amulette that protects her by mutilating everyone who tries to attack Val and that leads her to her grandmother.
Deeper Layer: When revealed, it gives us a whole new take on what is really happening.
Val’s grandmother is possesed by a demon who lured Val to the Black Forest to take revenge on the descendants of the witch who cursed him while he burned her on the same spot 400 years ago. Val’s parents got killed protecting her and the grandmother’s only chance to save Val as a baby was to sent her far away from this cursed place.
— he took her eye when she was a baby.
Major Reveal: It gets revealed in a dramatic way at a key moment.
MIDPOINT (later?) – Val sees the demon with all the eyes he stole from the clinic patients and from herself. Both her eyes are gauged out by the demon, her face is just a perfect mask. And her grandmother is possessed acting for the demon.
Influences Surface Story: Because this deeper layer always exists, it has an impact on the surface story – even if we don’t understand why. Some decisions, actions, or reactions are based upon that deeper layer.
The grandmother behaves irrational, sweet than hostile towards Val.
Everyone after the ‘Facial’ is tired. Patients have weird black out, times where they can’t remember what they did.
Hints: There are moments when the deeper layer peaks through the curtain to reveal itself. We don’t see it because we have fully bought into the surface story.
The grandmother cries one tear of blood – because in reality her eyes are gauged out and bloody.
Agatha tries to leave but then seems to forget, never leaving the premises.
Beyond the obviously magic amulet the place seems normal and pleassant.
Changes Reality: When the deeper layer is revealed, we see the story in a completely different way. The real story is finally clear to us.
– Val’s grandmother tried to protect her by keeping her away
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Linda Anderson’s Deeper Layer!
Vision for your success from this program:
Audiences around the world view and love my meaningful screenplays—one of the most satisfying and energizing accomplishments of my life.
What I learned from doing this assignment is it’s a good way to flesh out the outline in a more meaningful way and not just with plot points.
Lead Character—Protagonist—Allen and Buddy/Antagonist/Change Agent Character–Leaf
Surface Layer: Allen deals with his life-threatening conditions and PTSD while trying to help a shattered rescue dog named Leaf.
Deeper Layer: Leaf deals with the terror of being abandoned and defenseless while helping Allen survive his life-threatening conditions and PTSD.
Major Reveal: Leaf delivers Allen’s ticket to The Building of Life just as Allen starts to go under anesthesia for brain surgery.
Influences Surface Story: Allen and Leaf transcend their fears and heal as they show empathy for each other. Allen walks Leaf through subzero Minnesota nights, holds him to his heart in his office recliner, and sings to comfort him after the dog keeps waking up with night terrors. Leaf jumps up to Allen’s side of the bed and licks his hand to bring Allen back from PTSD and nightmares of death and violence.
Hints: Depictions of Allen and Leaf’s emotions and issues mirror and parallel each other. Allen has to forgo his over-reactive need for privacy and independence when he needs help to survive. Leaf receives the first toy of his own, watches other dogs who might befriend him walk by the picture window, and puts the toy on the ledge as if inviting them to come and play with him.
Changes Reality: After Leaf delivers Allen’s ticket to The Building of Life, Allen realizes that Leaf was listening while Allen told Linda about the nightmare that showed him not getting the ticket. For days, Leaf tore up pieces of paper, followed Allen around, and tried to give him the ticket. The reality shifts to “What sentience and consciousness awareness is his dog capable of?”
Triangle Character—Linda
Surface Layer: Linda is a busy, independent, workaholic, driven professional author, wife, and mother who knows what she wants in life and sets goals and plans for achieving it all.
Deeper Layer: She’s never “good enough” and insecure about showing dependence on her husband and co-author Allen for emotional support, technical aspects of daily life and publishing, and completing her.
Major Reveal: She has a meltdown when Allen gives her the Manual he’s prepared for her in case he’s incapacitated or if she becomes his widow.
Influences Surface Story: Staying intensely busy and productive saps joy and lightness out of their lives with Linda’s insistence on putting work before play and being a perfectionist.
Hints: When someone asks Linda if she has a hobby, she’s stumped. Allen seizes the opportunity to tell her he wants them to take dance lessons. She says they don’t have time with book contracts and marketing projects due, pets’ needs to attend to, and an old house that’s falling apart.
Changes Reality: After she comes so close to losing Allen, Linda spends more quality time with Leaf and their other pets and takes couples’ ballroom dancing lessons with her husband where she has to learn how to let him lead.
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Farrin Rosenthal’s Deeper Layer!
Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to add a deeper layer to our story. This is the story within and under the story. Everything under the surface influences what happens on the surface. Hints from underneath pop up every so often, but the audience doesn’t know what they really mean until the big reveal, when the under surface story flips to the surface. This is how to shock, surprise, and delight the audience with something unexpected. Don’t be afraid to go deep. Dive in!
Title: TRAPPED
Genre: Thriller
Concept: Claustrophobic and trapped in an underwater grave for stealing $3.6 billion in Bitcoin from the Russian mob, a Los Angeles retail store manager has just 60 minutes to prove his innocence and save his family.
Surface Layer: Dmitriy, a Russian mob boss has kidnapped Tom and his family. Tom is trapped in an underwater grave and has 60 minutes to save his family. Dmitriy is convinced Tom stole from him and will do whatever it takes to get Tom to confess.
Deeper Layer: Dmitriy’s brother, Ivan, and Tom’s wife, Susan, are the ones who really stole from Dmitriy and framed Tom.
Major Reveal: In Act 4, once Tom is free, he finds out Susan has been having an affair with Ivan for years and they framed him.
Influences Surface Story: Everything that happens on the surface is caused by Ivan and Susan’s conspiracy.
Hints: Tom’s stubbornness is hinted at during an attempted robbery at his store. The way Ivan touches Susan and way she looks at a shirtless Ivan hint at how they feel about each other.
Changes Reality: Everything under the surface flips and becomes the surface. Dmitriy loses his shit when he learns Ivan has betrayed him. They fight and Ivan wins, but then is killed by Tom and his kids. Susan, the seeming loving wife is the exact opposite and ends up in the underwater grave.
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Peter’s Deeper Layer
Vision: I am a prolific horror screenwriter that gets movies produced, mentors beginning screenwriters and lives the kind of life I can only dream.
WIL: It’s a game changer to see the beneath the surface stuff influence and ulitimately determine the choices made by your main character.
MEAT WAGON
• Surface Layer: Carlos is trying to walk the straight and narrow after a life of crime.
• Deeper Layer: Carlos’ is already damned, and he doesn’t know it.
• Major Reveal: He discovers it’s his body in the hearse.
• Influences Surface Story: Father Diego senses that dark forces are calling to Carlos even before he’s killed. The old priest uses necromancy to raise Carlos from the dead. Carlos is cursed to replace the old priest as the driver of the Meat Wagon.
• Hints: After the killing of his wife by his old gang, Carlos invokes the protection of Santa Muerte – the Saint of Death. Carlos is shot and killed, yet he rises after the old priest calls in his soul. Carlos thinks he’s hiding out from the cops, yet the only one who can sense him is Father Diego. Carlos sees the ghosts of his victims.
• Changes Reality: When Carlos realizes that the old priest raises him from the dead using dark magic, we realize that he’s been a pawn of Father Diego from the beginning. We know he’s cursed to drive the Meat Wagon until he’s paid his penance.
• Beginning: Carlos tries to be a good husband and father. But the only work he can get is driving a hearse and the cops hassle him because of his criminal record.
• Inciting Incident: His old gang tempts him to return to the thug life. Carlos hears dark voices coming from the vintage hearse.
• Turning Point 1: When Dani is killed, Carlos gives himself over to Santa Muerte once again. He becomes obsessed with the Meat Wagon.
• Act 2: Carlos attacks his old gang with a machete but is fatally wounded.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Hiding out in the funeral home, he sees the old priest perform a ritual on a body. He doesn’t know it’s his body. He escapes town in the Meat Wagon.
• Act 3: Carlos sees his dead people on the highway at night. His victims.
• Turning Point 3: Carlos hunts down Jude and kills him.
• Act 4 Climax: Raised from the dead, Carlos is cursed to replace the old priest as the ferryman of the damned.
• Resolution: Carlos drives the Meat Wagon into the night in search of the damned.
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THE 4-ACT STRUCTURE FOR LEAD CHARACTERSLook at the story and who your character is in order to create their unique structure.
Beginning: Where does the character start?
Troy start as a quiet genius his love for Molly , his brother Cane animosity and loosing his mother and eyesight in a car accident changes everything.
Inciting incident: What propels them on their journey?
his love for Molly , his brother Cane animosity
Turning Point 1: A major twist that locks them into a conflict.
Canes animosity goes from best friend brother to worst enemy ,always critical ,arrogant ,attacking and putting him down in front of crowds.
Act 2: The character has a “normal response” to this change in their lives.
Troy avoids conflict by spending time with Molly and his sister Amy which make Cane even more upset.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: A twist that causes everything to change but keeps the character on the same journey.
Troy’s accident loosing his mother and eyesight in a car accident changes everything.
Act 3: The character rethinks their journey and makes a real change to solve things.
His brother leaves to be rebuilt as a transhuman and Troy has to learn how to overcome the world without his fleshly vision.
Turning Point 3: Another major twist that takes them to the biggest conflict.
Cane returned and acted like he was Troy and did things that hurt his relationship with Molly.
4th Act Climax: The ultimate experience/expression of this conflict.
Troy and Cane battle for Molly and the world’s future Cane kills Troy and regrets his destructive journey and bagging all for forgiveness starts the healing.
Resolution: Their world has changed. How did they end up after going through this journey?
Troy is resurrected and peace comes between the forces as God removes the deceiver,destroyer ,accuser who divided mankind. He stole their birthright of dominion,murdered as many as he could and destroyed their peaceful relationship’s.
Sent from my iPad
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Terrie’s Deeper Layer!
I write screenplays that get turned into crowd pleasing successful films using a process that allows me to enjoy my equestrian hobby.
What I learned from this assignment is to plug through – much of this was already done I’m just sorting out how to integrate it.
Surface Layer: get James/Jason to testify and safely into WITSEC
Deeper Layer: resolve relationship issues between Paige and James/Jason so they can be together
Major reveal: James wants Paige back; she hates him for nearly getting her fired. He’s right about one of his conspiracy theories
Influences story structure: They clash constantly; James can’t let go of his conspiracy theories and Paige won’t hear any of it.
Hints: they know each other too well; she lashes out at him for the smallest thing.
Changes reality: James really doesn’t want to take on new identify – he wants to be with Paige.
ACT 1
Opening: James/Jason talking into a flip-phone, crouched down, hiding. On the other end, also on a flip-phone a US Marshall. They argue about James/Jason being stalked. James/Jason offers a variety of conspiracy theories the Marshall counters all of them. Comedy dialog here to show James/Jason’s paranoia through this exchange. His paranoia includes smart phones, hence the flip phones.
Paige on a lunch date. Her data is cop groupie, into guns. She profiles him, to his face, in as insulting a manner a possible, like he’s got a small penis.
James/Jason escorted into a court house, shots are fired. He’s whisked away to safety. I told you so to the US Marshall.
Paige gets a call at lunch. Answers like it’s the friend who set up her date. But nope it’s her boss. (Embarrassing exchange here) She’s called into work. Of course her date makes a scene.
Turning point: Paige meets James, but he’s really Jason. She fights protecting him, she’s really behavioral. Ends up being told she needs to do so to be considered for a promotion.
He insists. Unless she is his protection detail, he won’t testify. He just says they grew up in the same county. If he doesn’t testify, he’ll won’t get witness protection and his new fake identify. Then he won’t need it. Back and forth. The case is against domestic terrorists. James/Jason spouts conspiracy theories every chance he gets. He boss argues maybe her psych background she can fix this crazy.
ACT 2
New Plan: Paige will be in charge of James/Jason’s protection.
Plan in action: Normal protection assignment. Maybe they move every day – at his insistence, he probably read some book and thinks he knows best. Constant bickering, use a sketch comedy format. They know each other really well.
James comes onto her when they are alone. She slugs him – make it funny – raise the stakes physically between them. But make it look like him just coming onto her, nothing specific about their past.
Midpoint Turning Point: Their cover gets blown, another attempt on James/Jason. Paige admits his paranoia is reasonable because almost no one knew where they were. They go on the run, just the two of them.
ACT 3
Rethink everything: Paige has to admit his paranoia is reasonable because almost no one knew where they were. Paige realizes someone on the inside must be setting them up
New Plan: just her and James/Jason. Find a place to be safe, cut off from the Marshall service. Leave the current district, go to the district where she first started. As they travel. Here we get the reveal – his paranoia almost got her fired from a police job – that’s when she left him. Somewhere in here they sleep together, but they agree no one at US Marshall can know about them.
Paige realizes that one of James’ conspiracy stories are true. She sets information traps to identify who is blowing their cover.
Series of challenges getting to the ‘safe’ location –make these funny. They don’t have a smart phone so they get lost. She won’t stop for directions. Need more.
ACT 4:
The information traps Paige set ups come to fruition.
I need to figure out who it is, what’s the conspiracy, who is setting them up and it’s consistent with one of his conspiracy theories. This person serves the Villian role in the Thriller genre.
Face off: Paige sets up the villain. James tries to escape Paige even though he trusts her he doesn’t trust the people she works for. Paige manages to get him to testify. From the information traps, she’s outed someone in the government whose been helping the domestic terrorists.
Ends: With the traitor in jail so James/Jason gives up witness protection to be with Paige. Some funny epilogue. Him keeping up with his weird behaviors to ensure they are safe – circling the block I’m not sure. Needs to include Paige.
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Paul Mahoney’s Deeper Layer
Vision: My vision is to be a successful full-time professional writer, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.
I think I learned that my concept doesn’t have a strong deeper layer, so it could be improved upon further.
Surface Layer: Dan wants to be popular to be the fastest at something.
Deeper Layer: But being the fastest at something isn’t necessarily good.
Major Reveal: Mrs. Wagner is God
Influences Surface Story: God knows about Dan’s problems
Hints: Mrs. Wagner gives good advice to Dan as a primary school kid – you don’t have to be the fastest or best at anything, just be the best you that you can be and people will love you for that.
Changes Reality: Dan knows that if he tells anyone about God speaking to him, he will never get out of the psychiatric ward he is in.
Act 1:
• Opening: Dan, Fat Kid watching other kids win races, be popular etc. He overhears Kyla and some other girls talk about how fast David Mohi is and how cute he is.
• Inciting Incident: Kid Loses and is embarrassed at a foot race. Primary school teacher Mrs. Wagner tells him that being the fastest or the most popular isn’t the most important thing in life – being happy and being the best you, you could possible be and people will love you for that, I guarantee it. Dan doesn’t get it, “yeah right.”.
• Turning Point: Kid prays to God to make him the fastest at something, anything. As an adult his life is hell and so he…
Act 2:
• New plan: Decides to commit suicide.
• Plan in action: Tries to hang himself from a pipe in his apartment. It breaks, he falls knocking himself out and is found in a very embarrassing position. Ends up in a psychiatric ward. When he realises where he is, he plans to try and OD on pills.
• Midpoint Turning Point: In the psychiatric ward he tries to OD on pills, but they turn out to be laxettes and on the toilet pan… he sees God.
Act 3:
• Rethink everything: Dan realises that if he wants to be better, he must change the way he thinks.
• New plan: He tries to get a lobotomy.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: They won’t let him do a lobotomy.
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Kyla reveals that she was the girl from primary school all those years ago and if Dan had of hung around, she would have heard him say – but Dan is so sweet and adorable, isn’t he? All the other girls nod. Dan – Has to choose between Ex or Therapist.
• Resolution – Chooses to be happy. Maybe that’s not being in a relationship right now. Maybe that’s me being comfortable with who I am before I can even think of committing to a relationship, understand? Kyla does, and he asks for a raincheck on going out.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Paul Mahoney.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by
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VISION FOR SUCCESS: I will deliver delicious, surprising, seemingly effortless work, that is constantly in demand and causes people to recommend me for original and rewrite projects without hesitation.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS that this is a super helpful tool. Knowing the deeper layer ahead of time is a great way to keep on track while brainstorming structure and plot!. Thank you.
TITLE: Cousin Mitch
SURFACE LAYER: Mitch goes back in time in order to stop the event that ruined high school and leave the new version of himself to live happily ever after.
DEEPER LAYER: Mitch realizes that if he changes the way he lives his own life, he can self-fulfill and have a better future.
MAJOR REVEAL: Mitch can impress Sophie and win her heart.
INFLUENCES SURFACE STORY: New Mitch has his own whirlwind of romantic drama with Sophie… Mitch helps him realize what he really wants from life – Sophie.
HINTS: Mitch and New Mitch do a mirror scene – identical. Mitch and New Mitch both are magicians. They’re the same person in many ways throughout the film.
CHANGES REALITY: New Mitch becomes less of a narcissist and Mitch finds self-worth and having found deep love and respect for each other, they must say goodbye to live their own lives.
CHARACTER STRUCTURES:
MITCH:
BEGINNING
Mitch is bright eyed and excited for his first day of high school and his magic trick.
INCITING INCIDENT
Mitch does his magic trick. It fails and he poops on Sophie.
TURNING POINT 1
Mitch arrives back in the almost-present and meets New Mitch.
ACT 2
Mitch investigates the new present that he’s created.
TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT
Mitch gets the chance to do his magic trick again and succeeds this time and attracts Sophie.
ACT 3
Mitch ends up in a love triangle with New Mitch and Sophie and explores the new relationship between Robbie and Simon. He learns that he can be himself and fix his relationships.
TURNING POINT 3
Mitch realizes he’s living in the multiverse.
ACT 4 CLIMAX
Mitch fixes the time machine. Travels back in time. Then back to his timeline where he reconciles his relationship with Sophie, Robbie, and Simon.
RESOLUTION
There’s hope for Mitch’s future.
NEW MITCH:
BEGINNING
New Mitch is bright eyed and excited for his first day of high school and his magic trick.
INCITING INCIDENT
New Mitch does the magic trick and it works, attracting Sophie and everyone in the school.
TURNING POINT 1
New Mitch and Sophie fall in love.
ACT 2
New Mitch and Sophie have a tumultuous love affair while New Mitch has huge success as a magician.
TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT
Mitch shows up and New Mitch takes him under his wing.
ACT 3
New Mitch is driven crazy by Sophie as he puts on his magic show and mentors Mitch.
TURNING POINT 3
New Mitch has a 3way with Mitch to try to forget about Sophie.
ACT 4 CLIMAX
New Mitch learns to choose Sophie above all else from Mitch.
RESOLUTION
New Mitch says goodbye to Mitch and professes his love for Sophie.
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Eclipse Neilson Deeper Layer!
VISION: I want to be a great award-winning writer, known for my new genre, who creates the most beautiful films that inspire others to feel deeply, pause, and ponder ways to make the world a better place.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I need some time to let the story unfold in my head so as to find the depths of these characters. To decide whether Athena will be Lunea’s daughter or niece and to know more of Athena’s back story.
TITLE: THE NUN AND THE WITCH
4. Genre: SCI -FI / DRAMA
Surface: A Nun and a Witch cross paths and bond to help fight religious discrimination.
Deeper: Each will set the other free from tragic emotional wounds as they discover they have been lovers in many of their lifetimes together.
Major Reveal: In the 3rd ACT
It looks like a miracle because Athena’s bullet wound is healed by both Lunea’s and Sister Anne’s hands in front of everyone just before they collapse and die. The townspeople witness the miracle. They never really know who did the healing of Athena – But the spirits of the heavens appear at that moment as Star Beings, Angels, and cloaked Ancients from the Universal Council of Beings. The townspeople have an awakening about love.
The Big reveal – The future- 10 years later Athena is now the priestess/preacher of the church where the god and goddess stand side by side. Image is a gravestone inscribed – Here rest Priestess Lunea and Saint Anne side by side. Heart by heart – Soul by soul for all eternity. We go into the dark earth and see the original grave the two archeologist had discovered in the 1950’s of the two women resting in each others arms but now is the sacred sword and flame
Hints throughout the story that this is another Romeo and Juliet tale.
Changes Reality: it takes a miracle for the town to honor love -thus saving the love of huanity.
ACT I
Opening:
Takes place in the starry heavens of eternity. Silence and echoing voices and coded beeps in the universe.
Two silhouettes of cloaked souls (Lunea and Anne ) leaning side by side lovingly gazing at the heavens. ( hints at their deep bond) The Council of the Universal Beings appears and sends them on a mission to help save the (sacred flame) of humanity from being extinguished.
(Lunea and Anne ) souls move through a time tunnel. Flashes of their love and tragic endings of each of their many lives together appear. With each lifetime a star appears in the universe forming its personal star constellation.
They begin with their Egyptian lifetime – where they drank poison to rest peacefully in each other’s arms in all eternity together.(hints at the ending)
They continue to flash through lifetimes that are relevant to the story and mission
Their life before the present one is in 1930s when they are female archeologists. They discover their ancient grave but quickly rebury it realizing it must be kept a sacred secret. This grave will be revealed at the end.)
They arrive at the closed Door of Remembering and slip through to their present life. The door slams behind them. All memories are gone.
The first image is on a hill above a church in a small town. It has a female-stone henge type statue.
In the present: Lunea and Anne’s lives are opposite –
Lunea is a witchy priestess trying to set up a new age shop and raise a young daughter as a single parent.
Anne is an obedient nun serving a domineering minister who is trying to keep an ailing congregation from falling apart.
Lunea and Sister Anne get to know each other and slowly build a secret bond, yet both are cautious and doubtful they can ever become the best of friends out in the world. ( hints of the hatred and discrimination )
Inciting Incident:
Father Sinclair dies leaving Sister Anne to carry on, knowing the church will close if she fails. She must take his place as a minister.
Turning Point:
Father Sinclair returns as a ghost seeking redemption and begins to haunt her warning her that evil forces are taking over the town.
Lost and overwhelmed Sister Anne seeks help from Priestess Lunea knowing she will understand what to do with the hauntings and help banish the evil. They realize as they become closer, that they must join heart flames to fight what is emerging in the town.
The Council of the Universal Beings responds and sends an Ancient female guardian – The OLD ONE to guide them as they set out to fight the hatred, bigotry, and falsehoods that is taking over.
ACT 2:
The Old One sends Lunea and Sister Anne through the Door of Remembering with the task to find in their past lives clues that appear as flashes and symbols for them to return to the present with as healing tools for all. (They find a profound secret from the burning times when they both were burned as witches. They return with the Flaming Sword.
Midpoint Turning Point:
The Old One performs a powerful ceremony- “The fusing of the souls between Lunea and Anne to fight evil with the sword. They commit to never betray each other – no matter what.
ACT 3:
The people in the town discover that their Nun and the Witch are secretly friends and begin to attack Lunea and her daughter Athena. She is rejected and bullied in school. The town’s hatred grows against all of them. This forces Anne to stand in her power speak her heartfelt truth and carry out the mission Father Sinclair was never able to do.
Father Sinclair and Sister Anne have a breakthrough moment and he gives her his diary -where he struggled as a preacher and the truths he discovered but kept secret. She begins to use his words.
New plan:
The Old One and Father Sinclair instruct Lunea to join the church. One Sunday Sister Anne asks Lunea to share her understanding of the sacred text. The congregation walks out enraged.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift.
Lunea and Anne one night steal the church’s crucifix and carry it ceremoniously up the hill to the stone statue that strangely looks more and morel like the open arms of Mother Mary. They place the crucifix in her arms.
The congregation finds out. Enraged they seek Anne and Lunea out. There is a shooting on the steps of the church. Both Priestess Lunea and Sister Anne take the bullet first while trying to protect Athena. But all are shot.
ACT 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:
It looks like a miracle because Athena’s bullet wound is healed by both Lunea’s and Sister Anne’s hands in front of everyone just before they collapse and die. The townspeople witness the miracle. They never really know who did the healing of Athena – But the spirits of the heavens appear at that moment as Star Beings, Angels, and cloaked Ancients from the Universal Council of Beings. The townspeople have an awakening.
They carry one large casket up the hill. Priestess Lunea and Sister Anne are buried together on the hill (their favorite place.)
Time tunnel appears again. We move forward to the door of the Future. It opens slightly and we see an image of Athena (Lunea’s daughter ) at the pulpit as the new preacher of the church.
The last image is a gravestone inscribed – Here rest Priestess Lunea and Saint Anne side by side. Heart by heart – Soul by soul for all eternity.
The door of time closes once again.
In the dark tunnel of remembering, a flame is lit and we see the original burial of the two Egyptian skeletons that the two female archeologists had discovered 1930’s and secretly covered back up. But now between them is the flaming sword
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Lauren’s Deeper Layer!
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Jenifer Stockdale Deeper Layer
Vision: I will write every day, producing not only high volume but high quality scripts that ultimately get made into popular television shows and movies.
What I learned doing this assignment is that the influences and the hints are going to be extremely important for this story.
Surface Layer: Dacey is a respected nurse in a psychiatric hospital.
Deeper Layer: Dacey doesn’t exist – she is the construct of a patient named Christina who is catatonic and is imagining this life is hers.
Major Reveal: “Dacey” gets put in the hospital for Tom’s murder. Then she is at her locker in uniform – another nurse comes in and says “She’s awake”. Dacey turns and it is not her – they go into the room and the woman we’ve been seeing as “Dacey” is in the bed.
Influences Surface Story: There are multiple things that happen that are connected to the main story. At a Christmas party one of the patients steals a garland from the tree and hangs herself – Dacey’s daughter puts a garland around her neck and Dacey sees it pull up as if by invisible hands, Dacey freaks – it is a delusion based on what the patient sees
Hints: Dacey looks down at her nurse’s shoes, sees patient slippers, blinks and nurse shoes are back on her feet
Changes Reality: Nothing was real – it was all in her head
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Tom’s Deeper Layer!
Vision: When I discuss projects with producers, I suggest viable examples of how to improve it.
Doing this assignment, I learned how quickly and easily I can write in a deeper layer.
Surface Layer: Phil sells a product that makes everyone feel better
Deeper Layer: The product is alien in origin and has harmful effects
Major Reveal: A girl sees monsters and crashes her tractor into a barn
Influences Surface Story: Aliens returns to collect their pods
Hints: John notices Phil never takes any of the product
Changes Reality: John realizes Aliens, not Phil is responsible for the toxin.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Tom Wilson.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by
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Teresa Rodriguez’s Deeper Layer!
VISION: I will become a respected, sought-after, and successful screenwriter and producer with my own highly profitable production company that I will leave as a blessing to my girls and many generations to come!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…. that it’s fun and challenging to find the deeper layer to my story. Now my script is even better!
• Surface Layer: The Evil Stepfather insists their fairytale kingdom is perfect in every way, making the unperfect Princess Lily miserable.
• Deeper Layer: The Evil Stepfather is an unperfect “undesirable” trying to hide his true identity because he wants to be the “fairest one of all.”…but he is NOT feminine.
• Major Reveal: He has been stealing the “beauty essence” from the Queen, who was the “fairest one of all,” but it runs out, and the Evil Stepfather turns into an unperfect “undesirable.”
• Influences Surface Story: Evil Stepfather can’t be out past ten o’clock because his looks change, essence runs out daily.
• Hints: Stepfather shuts the birthday ball down early, makes a law that no parties past 10 pm, during the big fight with Lily, the palace clock is broken he doesn’t realize it’s almost 10, he turns into an “undesirable” on live TV, his nightmare come true.
• Changes Reality: Evil Stepfather has been trying to hide his identity and low self-esteem by stealing others’ beauty & youth to get the most followers and stroke his shallow ego.
• Beginning: Evil Stepfather sets Lily up by throwing the perfect fairytale birthday bash, trying to crush her already low self-esteem.
• Inciting Incident: Lily falls at her birthday party on Live TV; her Stepfather tells her she’s an embarrassment to his perfect kingdom and shuts down the party right before 10 pm.
• Turning Point 1: Stepfather orders Lily to be killed, so he stays the “fairest one of all,” but Lily fakes her own death and escapes the palace and the perfectionist life she hates.
• Act 2: He appoints himself King, makes the perfectionist rules even more strict, and orders everything shut down by 10 pm.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Stepfather discovers that Lily is still alive, fearing she’ll take over his perfect kingdom and the people will like her more, he tries to poison her.
• Act 3: Lily is deemed an “undesirable” and sent to live with the others in a homeless shelter (no one will hire them orders from the King); meanwhile, the Stepfather plots to steal the “youth essence” from all the village youth.
• Turning Point 3: Stepfather captures the Dwarfs, and “Prince” plans to kill them and frame Lily so no one will like her anymore.
• Act 4 Climax: All the “undesirables,” the imperfect people, save the kingdom, making all the villagers see their inner beauty; they were ready to die to help the very people who hated them.
• Resolution: The Stepfather’s true, “undesirable” identity is revealed, and villagers shun him. Lily finds her mother alive, and The Queen dissolves all the “perfectionist” rules in the kingdom, and no more “social media,”….and they all lived “happily ever after!”
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Sandra’s Deeper Layer
Vision: I am doing what I love to do as a writer with several successful produced movies.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to build in the deeper layer of the story.
Surface Layer: Sloane appears to be a young, honest and hard-working sea captain inspector.
Deeper Layer: Sloane faces a dilemma of reporting smuggling or joining in on the smuggling. Either way, he risks being killed.
Major Reveal: Sloane accepts a job inspecting ships, faking documents, and exchanging money for a fee.
Influences Surface Story: His family is growing and he needs the money to support his wife and children.
Hints: Police raids on his house. Large amounts of cash hidden in his closet.
Changes Reality: We think he is doing his job honestly until we see him forging visas for other ship captains.
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Linda’s Deeper Layer
My Vision is: I will do whatever it takes to be a sought-after profound writer with many successful movies produced and an Oscar on my mantel.
What I learned doing this assignment is to work backward from the deeper layer and major reveal to make the layers more powerful.
Deeper Layer
Surface Layer: Joaquin joins the competition to become head of the cartel.
Deeper Layer: Joaquin manipulates the game and sets it up to wipe out the cartel.
Major Reveal: Kills all the power players and one of his innocent murder victims walks in, alive.
Influences Surface Story: Enters a competition there is seemingly no way he can win. Racks up points by manipulating the game. Joaquin waits until the last minute to make his big “kill” so no one has time to question it or one up it. We see some kind of indirect or passing interaction with Joaquin and one of his victims when he is conspiring with her. A body is burned up / or something else and has to be identified by a tooth / blood / something that could be given without serious harm. Sells enormous amount of drugs, gets the US government to give him the money for the drugs to keep them off the streets.
Hints: Joaquin tells his son to lay low and not worry, he has a plan. Listens to Rodrigo talk about the law enforcement who are thorniest to them.
Changes Reality: When we realize Joaquin manipulated the game to take out the cartel, we gain a whole different level of respect for him and realize all the hoops he had to jump through to get it done. We stop worrying about what will happen to him now and are ready to go on another journey with him as a warrior.
Structure
Beginning: Rodrigo, the drug lord, announces he’s dying and there will be a competition to select his successor. The points are based on how they promote Rodrigo’s infamy, but he will not tell them what activities rank highest, they should think like him/like a drug lord. A low leel Falcon, Joaquin has no interest in joining the competition and plans to keep his head down during it. Minutes after the start of the competition Arturo shoots another competitor and injures a bystander, Tomas, Joaquin’s son.
Inciting Incident: Arturo tries to recruit Tomas to the cartel/his team for the competition under the guise it will keep him safe.
TP 1: Joaquin and his daughter are stalked and tormented by an anonymous man (Arturo) claiming he will be the next head of the cartel and will take her as his wife.
Act 2: Joaquin enters the competition to protect his children. He tries to earn points without crossing too far over his moral compass. His first significant attempt at points fails – because he is betrayed by a friend – and almost killed. Rodrigo urges him to quit to avoid aggravating the inevitable winner.
TP 2 / Midpoint: Joaquin is backed into a corner by Arturo (he conspires with another competitor) and makes his first kill – earning competition points and crossing the line of his morals.
Act 3: With points on the board, Joaquin is now a target of the other competitors and must abandon all morals to compete to win. Uses what he learned from his father and from being a confidant of Rodrigo to know what will get him the most points. Plans a grand plan to charge ahead in points, but has to go away to do it and his family and the cartel think he may be dead.
TP 3: Arturo gains the points he needs to win and with just 48 hours until the end of the competition.
Act 4 Climax: Joaquin arrives back home just before the announcement with evidence of his last act – killing of the Chief of US Border Patrol. Rodrigo anoints Joaquin the new drug lord and tells him his first duty is a mercy killing as the pain has become unbearable and he wants to go out with a bang. Joaquin kills him and then the other top competitors.
Resolution: Joaquin is the new cartel lord and the community is safe, but there is a twist…
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Peter’s Deeper Layers!
My scripts are so good they could be published on their own and William Goldman would write the introduction.
What I learned in this assignment is a methodical approach to the concept does produce tangible results.
DAVID VILLERS
Deeper Layer puzzle
Surface Layer:
Deeper Layer:
Major Reveal:
Influences Surface Story
Hints:
Changes Reality:
There are multiple places that your deeper layer could come from.
An Act turning point, especially the midpoint.
A major plot twist – Jennifer, whom he is trying to help/protect, is actually involved in the insurrection
A lead character’s subtext (Module 3: Lesson 3). (abandonment issues; volatile, self-abusive; covers emotional despair w/ vicious perfectionism)
A lead character’s intrigue (Module 3: lesson 4). (
Surface: David overextends himself to help Jennifer survive a personal crisis at a big political event
Deeper Layer: David is seeking reassurance and validation from Jennifer as a way to compensate for the abandonment issues he’s never really faced
Major Reveal: Jennifer was directly responsible for his dishonorable discharge
Influences Surface Story: despite his incredible valor and sense of honor, David has never been able to fully commit to his own self-care and listen to the nagging voice deep down that is always questioning his blind obedience to authority
Hints: David is very interested in extremist causes and he himself takes great personal risks in the physical world (dangerous missions; daredevil-type behavior)
Changes Reality: David’s real mission is to integrate his whole self, which will make him into a true warrior able to stand against the corrupt forces of crass power
· Begin — David is “dishonorably discharged” from the military; he seeks refuge in peaceful remote island
· Incident – Jennifer asks for his help at imminent peace talks; he still cares for her
· TP 1 – insurgents attack (and derail) conference
· Act 2 – David fights off insurgents to protect Jennifer
· TP 2/MP – David learns that Jennifer was behind his expulsion from military
· Act 3 – David confronts Jennifer and discovers her connection to extremists inside his own government
· TP 3 – David is taken hostage and threatened to be outed as a spy
· Act 4 Climax – David fights Jennifer (and Bo) and other extremists
· Resolution – the peace talks proceed
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Module 4, Lesson 2
Kevin Patrick Goulet’s – Deeper Layers.
My Vision: Develop a 100% successful writing method = seen as PRO/story-telling quality, sales (compensation) & production of project, more screenwriting opportunities… Rinse & repeat.
What I learned: Layering is key. Developing more depth to each character makes the story that much more interesting to the readers and potential actors. This story is based on a real person who’s personal history is 100% altogether known. So like most biographies, liberties will be taken in the telling of this person’s story. Stay as true to the narrative as I can- but embellishments are gonna happen.
ASSIGNMENT
Surface Layer: Vince Guaraldi wants to become a professional musician… because it’s impressive to girls who naturally like musicians. Plus, he could become rich -and famous too. <div>
Deeper Layer: Vince is terrified he might follow in the steps of his father: The understanding of this evolves through the years, but early on- Vince interprets this as him becoming a blue-collar-manual-laborer, who is in turn a lousy husband, a drunk (?) and worst of all a terrible father with kids of his own someday.
Major Reveal: Vince is very much like his own father: Cheated on/left his wife Shirley, somewhat estranged from his own children: son David, daughter Dia, the last 4-5 years he was alive.
Surface Story: His own drinking, flirtatiousness with the women in clubs, escapism (the Porsche 356 convertible?)
Hints: The ‘winks and nods’ we see Vince give admiring females. ‘Closing clubs’, being the guy to buy a ‘last call’ round for whomever is left in the club. His dismissive attitude with his health, ignoring warning signs (Heart) towards the end.
Changes Reality: After his own father died, Vince becomes more aware of the neglect his Father displayed with him and his mother -and also the neglect Vince has been neglectfully giving way to in his own life.
– – – – – – –
3. Add the rest of the structure to the characters to the script.
Beginning: Winter, 1964. Vince now at his best, headlining at SF Jazz Club. Simultaneously- TV Producer Lee Mendelson hears Guaraldi song “Cast Your Fate to the Wind” on car radio.
Cab driver informs LM where VG just happens to be playing in the city that night … Mendelson rushes to Club- walks in, sees VG ‘owning the room’, the crowd completely into it!
Inciting Incident: Still 1964 – Lee introduces himself during a ‘Set’ break, tells VG how much ‘he loves “Cast Your Fate…” wants Vince to compose music for an upcoming PEANUTS (Heretofore a newspaper comic strip only) animated program for broadcast television.
Turning Point 1: [flashback moment – June 1946 – Vince wins H.S. Talent contest = 1st prize: his first real paying ‘gig’ as a Pianist…
And just as quickly, he receives draft papers for the Korean War- for where he must deploy in September 1946].
Act 2: Vince is back from Korean War; ‘gets to work’ at becoming a professional musician.
Vince putting in. His time (10 years of working various jobs, some are decent some are dumps …montage…?)Working anywhere and everywhere college campus halls/students, the dingy clubs/last guy to play at 2am after stripper’s show end…
Vince and Shirley Moskowitz marry – Feb. 1, 1953.Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Vince gets first big break Break: established latin Jazz musician Cal Trader brings Vince onboard as his Pianist.
Act 3: Vince plays Monterey Jazz Festival- brings the house down.
Children- (Son) David and (daughter) Dia are born; early mid 1960’s
Meets LEE MENDELSON (scene) -offer to compose score for TV special.Turning Point 3: Guaraldi composes ‘Linus and Lucy’.
Shirley files for divorce April 1966, June 1968, finalized in December 1970.
Act 4 Climax: ‘Set’ break at Club where Vince is performing. Vince’s Father Vincent- bragging to some younger ladies about his now famous, very successful Son.
Vince approaches, confronts his Father, who then tries to ‘make nice’ / give impression He and Vince are close. Vince will have none of it; tells his father to get the fuck out of ‘his’ Club.
Vince’s Father Vincent (Story Antagonist) dies 1971.Resolution: Feb. 6, 1976 – Guaraldi at BUTTERFIELD’S playing BEATLES classic, ‘Eleanor Rigby’.
Vince Guaraldi dies.
(Cannot end here on this note…)*Epilogue: Current day Jazz musicians Wynton Marsalis, George Winston, David Benoit playing Vince Guaraldi’s Jazz Standard, ‘Linus and Lucy’.
*(A current day/wrap up on: the affect Vince Guaraldi’s Music has had motivating others to become professional Jazz Musicians).
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Kevin Patrick Goulet.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Kevin Patrick Goulet.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Kevin Patrick Goulet.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Kevin Patrick Goulet.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Kevin Patrick Goulet.
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Bob DeCarli’s Deeper Layer
My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.
What I learned: The lesson that I need to keep relearning: to be open to changing by story at this early stage, when I haven’t actually begun writing.
YG:
Surface Layer: A young federal judge is falsely accused of murder, putting his career in jeopardy.
Deeper Layer: He actually is guilty of murder – just not that murder.
Major Reveal: It should come in the middle of the Final Act – discovered by RED, the Antagonist, when it seems like the Antagonist has been completely defeated.
Influences Surface Story: He overreacts to the murder charge: he does not act like an innocent man would act, but like a guilty man.
Hints: Unwillingness to attempt to defend himself in court; overcompensating by being particularly harsh in his sentencing of DR at the beginning; while on the run with DR, his relating to DR surprisingly well, which at the time we think is him learning compassion and empathy.
Changes Reality: His reaction to the false allegation makes more sense, since he is afraid of being charged with murder.
DR:
Surface Layer: He’s a career criminal who committed murder.
Deeper Layer: He had truly turned his life around and was fighting a corrupt real estate developer on behalf of his community.
Major Reveal: When YG and DR are given refuge by [someone] who we would expect to be the last person willing to harbor two fugitives.
Influences Surface Story:
Hints: His willingness to help YG – it’s not to get his sentence changed, but because he knows that YG has been framed by RED, just like he was.
Changes Reality: DR is “a good guy.” He is not a cold-blooded murderer, but killed a real bad guy who was threatening the life of an innocent.
RED:
Surface Layer: He’s a pillar of the community, financing sustainable, equitable and green growth that will provide jobs and affordable housing.
Deeper Layer: He is driven by greed and will commit any crime –intimidation, extortion, murder – in order to close his deals.
Major Reveal(s): RED’s true nature revealed early on, but the extent of his POWER is gradually revealed: First that the female US Marshal is on his payroll, then the Chief Judge, and finally YG’s Law Clerk.
Influences Surface Story: Every interaction he has with everyone is from a position of power. He is friendly and gracious because he knows
Hints:
Changes Reality: The story starts with the perception that these federal judges are powerful, but they are under the thumb of the real powerbroker who put most of them on the bench.
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Edward Brown deeper level
I will right profound movie and it will change world
I learned need to use all chararacter or plant set ups
Swu wim Deeper Layer
CREATOR
SURFACE: romantic experiment of total opposites
UNDERNEATH trying to find out how negotiate to Go giving, avoid nuclear extinction, promote Russian and American advocates for mke love not war
TANYA
Surface: looking for life time romantic lover
Underneath: looking for father/active parent for teen son TOLYA
GEORGE
Surface: looking for life romantic partner
Underneath: looking for aeordymic design to win mackinaw
PUTIN
Surface: looking for water drag reduction to build ships
Underneath: 200 mph torpedos/ hypersonic missiles
IVAN
Surface: looking for hermit gold prospector
Underneath: kill bomber of his family
IRINA
Surface: gf/helper to IVAN
Underneath: looking for neglected nuke bomb
TOLYA
Surface: checking out GEORGE as romantic prospect
UNDERNETH finding GEORGE’s UFO and rocket experience
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Joaquin “Ibn Gray’s” Deeper Layer!
My vision for the completion of this class is to write A plus intriguing screenplays that will be produced into extremely profitable movies, which I will cash large checks from.
What I learned doing this assignment is by starting with the outer sides of the puzzle, the middle will become clearer as time goes on.
Surface Layer: A family’s migration from southern slavery.
Deeper Layer: They have settled in a state where slavery is the law.
Major Reveal: Brewford goes into town and witnesses’ black people being captured.
Influences Surface Story Clyde knows Brewford’s military past. Informs him of his authority over the slaves and Texas hasn’t outlawed it.
Hints: Clyde reveals his relationship with the towns people
Changes Reality: Clyde is dealing with the struggle of self.
Brewfords wife
Beginning: Raising two children in the deep south as a slave.
Inciting Incident: When Brewford tell her that Brewford Jr has been kidnapped.
Turning Point 1: She meets a few mixed-race towns women, that are connected to soldiers
Act 2: She takes Brewford to meet the towns people.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Clyde captures their daughter.
Act 3: She mobilizes the towns people
Turning Point 3: She joins the fight to rescue her children.
Act 4 Climax: She fights and kills the plantation workers
Resolution: She saves her children then watches the US military ride into town announcing
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Jamie’s Deeper Layer
What I’ve learned, I need to go back and bring out the research information but I believe this will come with the scenes played out and set-up. I need to work on this lesson again, and better but need to catch up first.
Concept: WITHOUT RECOURSE
With no recourse to sue, two women battle with the FDA and AMA when one has a life threatening medical condition and her doctor and attorney are part of the medical mafia.
Surface Layer: Justine is helping her lifelong friend, Julia, with her failed neck and back surgeries. This is important to Justine as she’s been a victim of major surgery failures over the years as well as, the legal system when she filed suits.
Deeper Layer: Both the medical and legal system is about greed and not the care of the patient. The FDA and AMA control all medical devices with no clinical trials based on a 501K and grandfathered in for approval of use.
Major Reveal: There is a medical mafia that exists. It is revealed when Julia’s attorney receives the money from the surgeon who performs her surgery. The surgeon is the same surgeon who went to trial in Nevada, who was granted immunity as a government witness in 2002.
Influences Surface Story – Justine has never trusted Peter. He was to help Justine with a problem in years past only to get all her files and keeps them in his possession. He did nothing and said he lost her files. Justine has a plethora of knowledge of medical negligence from her own surgeries.
Hints: Peter meets with Julia and quickly has her sign the lawsuit, as leverage with the surgeons. Justine discovers an article about surgeons. Peter depletes Julia’s trust fund. He never billed her monthly and has control of her home etc. Julia reviews the article on medical mafia before Julia arrives. Justine contacts an esteem author on device fraud and the AMA and FDA rules. Justine contacts various journalists about the medical mafia.
Changes Reality: Justine realizes that Julia knew about the medical mafia all along and that Peter was well connected with judges, law firms, the surgeons he represents. This opens her eyes to trust and the meaning of friendship. Justine sees a new light on the medical profession promoting being proactive with the healthcare around the world. It’s not just in Nevada but the medical mafia exists everywhere.
Beginning: Justine cares for her dying mother but needs her daughter’s help who brings along her significant other. Her lifelong friend, Julia needs help with medical condition.
Inciting Incident: Justine falls and breaks her hip. Returns home day after surgery and her mother dies.
Turning Point 1: Justine has hip surgery and a IVC filter is implanted, unknown to her at the time. Weeks pass, mother’s estate is distributed, problems arise with IVC filter, it gets removed by specialists. Depressed she flies to see sister, Sadie, hoping to get out of rut but Sadie is ill and palliative care begins. Justine goes to help Julia in Vegas. Julia jokes about Nevada medical mafia, taken from her political perspective.
Act 2: Justine begins research after visiting new surgeon. Plans are made with Barrows and UCLA. Julia’s problems don’t make sense to Justine, she comes across article on medical mafia and is shocked. When she returns home and realizes the magnitude of Julia’s dilemma, she contacts journalists.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Justine confronts Julia about Peter’s relationship with surgeons. His name was in one of the articles. Peter has Julia sign legal papers. Justine and Julia have a row and part ways. Justine makes contact with Jeanne Lenzer, author, regarding medical devices and is stunned.
Act 3: Justine researches the FDA and AMA and hits a wall. All has failed her. Peter gets medical records from UCLA and Barrows sent to him without Julia’s knowledge. Julia requests her records back from Justine to help Peter with his suit but are to no avail and told they are lost.
Turning Point 3: Certified letter arrives to Justine from Vegas.
Act 4 Climax: Justine is stranded at Vegas airport. Gracie calls in a favor from Julia. Julia announces she’s going to do the surgery. Julia’s surgeon is the one turned governmental witness and is in the medical mafia.
Resolution: TBD at this time.
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Veronica Turowski’s Deeper Layer!
What I learned from doing this assignment is that a great story has layers. I have built in a lot of layers already. I am still playing with some more layering ideas.
My Vision: I want to be a successful writer who writes several scripts a year and sells them to producers who are eager to make my vision a reality by bringing my scripts to completion so everyone can watch my movies on the big screen.
Concept: While at a funeral, a professional mourner is told by the deceased they were murdered, but when no one believes the mourner, she decides to find and stop the serial killer before he kills his next victim, only to discover she is a ghost and is the mother of the serial killer.
Title: Justice from the Grave
Surface Layer: Eppsa is looking for her son and is trying to stop a serial killer.
Deeper Layer: Eppsa is a ghost. She was part of a murder-suicide when she told her husband she knew he was a serial killer. Their son, Hayden, is also a serial killer, which he learned from being around his father. Eppsa must kill Hayden to stop the cycle.
Major Reveal: At the end of the 3<sup>rd</sup> Act or the beginning of Act 4, she discovers her son is the serial killer, and she is a ghost.
Influences Surface Story: Lonnie knows she is a ghost from the time he saw her in the hospital. At the cemetery, he tells her that since she can see him, she is the only one who can help him.
Hints: Eppsa talks to ghosts, but she doesn’t know they are ghosts except for Lonnie. The little girl in the cemetery can either see ghosts, or she is a ghost. I haven’t determined it yet. The police can’t hear her on the phone because they hear static.
Changes Reality: When we discover Eppsa is a ghost, she realizes she can’t pass over until she finds her son and kills him to stop his mental issue/evil side of being a serial killer.
Beginning: Eppsa sees the ghost of Lonnie in the hospital.
Inciting Incident: Eppsa talks to Lonnie in the cemetery. Since she can see him, he needs her help. Someone is going to be murdered, and she must stop the killer.
Turning Point 1: She reads an obituary, and Lonnie had given her the correct name of the person who was going to die. They didn’t get murdered; they died by suicide. Later we find out he was killed by Hayden.
Act 2: She can’t find Lonnie. She calls the police. They have a bad connection, and they tell her to call back. She attends the funeral and talks to a little girl. She goes to her husband’s grave but doesn’t go to the front where the names and death dates are shown.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The police report people are committing suicide because of TikTok video challenges. At the police station, she sees Hayden who is complaining about how cold it is in the station. Eppsa rushes past a desk to get to Hayden, and papers fall to the floor.
Act 3: She talks to a lady at the church who is mourning the loss of her grandson, who died by suicide. It’s the year Hayden graduated from high school. While crossing the road, she tries to tell a cop someone is going to be murdered, but a person is hit by a car. She sees the ghost of the person who was hit.
Eppsa turns to Clover, who is a psychic, for help. Clover talks to Lonnie by channeling him while she is having a “session” with Eppsa.
Turning Point 3: Lonnie tells her another victim will die tonight. Lonnie had been confused since he died and hasn’t been able to recall everything. The person, who is going to die, was a friend of Hayden’s in high school. Lonnie was a friend of Hayden’s as well. He tells Eppsa that Hayden might be a victim soon.
Act 4 Climax: Eppsa sees a headline in the newspaper. “Husband kills wife in a murder-suicide. The beloved husband was discovered to be a serial killer. Their teenage son was taken in by a church member.”
She discovers Hayden watched her husband kill her and saw her husband commit suicide. She goes to the cemetery and sees the headstone with her name and death date on it.
Eppsa finds Hayden. She either makes him slash his wrists in his ice cream truck, or she lures him back to their old, dilapidated house, where she will make him commit suicide.
Resolution: Eppsa and Lonnie go to Heaven. Hayden’s wife and son, Neta and Evren, await his arrival for his surprise birthday party. Evren plays with a knife next to the cake. He can’t wait to “slice” the cake.
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Edward Brown
deeper layer per acts
focus give mostest on big screen
Tanya before
Starts Go Getter > Go Giver
Seeks romance thru glamor
Seeks power thru association, connections to male
Vamps to win, Czarina
SEEKS PhD to be department head of culture
More than learn, bear, work, die
Sex = commitment to parent
Tanya after
Romance is dancing together
Not an ornament
Will neogiate
Composmise
Consents to partnership
Act 1
Victor views live Cremation
Recalls putting Tanya on Train
New Year Break out
Sent off by students, victor, Tolya
Ex lover steps in front of train sex = parent/provide
Train to Moscow flashbacks: class, winning, Boris, PG abortions, boring but prominent suitors,Czarina, groom rituals with face cream
Cousins go to win
Ball
Rejects Marriage
Crest fallen, no NYE midnight kiss
Inciting incitdent: romantic lover forever who is good parent/dad
To break out/ ny/ open to new approaches
Act 2 character normal response to change in lives
Prays on jet back
Scolds Tolya as male pig
Tells Dad funding coming
Midpoint turning point: twist that causes everything to change, but keeps the character on same journey – VAMP
call from George
Negotiates to please George some
Mentions Sailor
Dad can cut drag to win Mac
Meet in Red Square/ then Siberia if George prospect worth vamping
ACT 3 character rethinks journey and make real change to make happen
Valentine Tests
Researches qualifies George
Coaches GEORGE to be neater, calendar, habits, organized – minor league to majors
Turning point 3: another twist = biggest conflict
RED SQUARE rejects GEORGE tells go play with kite
Maybe Putin
Realized failed GEORGE’S test
Act 4CLIMAX: ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF CONFLICT
RESULUTION : THEIR WORLD CHANGED. HOW END UP GOING THRU JOURNEY KITE BIRD DANCE HANDS VOW
Act 1 GEORGE
Slob, missy unorganized, misses deadlines, ungroomed
Pleases women too much, not self enough
STUCK IN SLUP
BUILDING TRIMARAN DREAMING sn
INCITING INCIDENT:
ANNA break up over sailing dream/win Mac/cosmic love waves
Turning point 1: major twist that sets conflict
Declares for new sailing partner/ drum role, music RR
ACT 2 character hs normal response to this change
Prays
Sail clubs/what parties/
Turning poin2/ midpoint major twist that keeps character on same journey
Laptop message “from Tanya”
Negotiate to meet and Kiss Bora Bora
Act 3 character rethinks their journey and make real changes to resolve things
Valentine test
Lockeout out/fix up
Arrested/calendar
Neat grooming
Habits
Decides Red Square break out vs Anna party
Makes me a better man
Turning Point 3 another major twist/big conflict
Told to go home
Kite
ACT 4 Resolutions
Bird Dance
Hands/ vow of partnership
George after
Neat, organized, groomed, good habits, calender, custom clothes, and determined not to be vamped pussy whipped
CREATOR
ACT 1 green planet in other galaxy
Creator advising survivors of high nuclear blast that wiped out electronics
Green Tigers told to work with Amish type farmers
Could have been like MARS extinction
Inciting incitement
Summoned to Blue Planet to find Tanya a romantic mate
Turning Point 1: Conflict with earthlings per natural selection, sex for parental bonding: NO DIVINE INTERVENTION
Has bigger concerns: no nuclear extinction
Cuts to Putin and Victor per hypersonic
How get nuke powers to pull in or lose planet
Saints argue making love is like making peace/ same dynamics
Over their paygrade, case workers for Tanya /family bombes bolcheviks
Threatened level Novosibirsk if grandma not released
Experiment
Creator:
Not intervening much
Believed sex should bond parents
Thought Bible Jesus should be enough
Natural Selection
Observed nuked planet
Knew Mars
ACT 2 character has normal response to charge in life
Turning point 2: Agrees to find Tanya a mate
Romantic Experiment
ACT 3: character rethinks journey and makes real change to solve things
Laptop message
Turning point 3: allows Saints to Jam
Secretly
want parable movie
Russian + American peace makers
Entertaining for Heaven bored
Save Blue Planet
Got to have saints actors
ACT 4 resoultion
Break up
Told go fly kite, but no wind
ACT of GOD = wind = kite fly = Tanya learns she tested
Bird Dance
hands
Inciting Incident – open to new ways
ACT 2 Jet home new year reflections
Saints>Jesus>SPIRIT>CREATOR
DEBATE INTERNE VS NAUTUAL SELECTION
SEXUAL BONDING FAILING
Creator CONCERNED EXTINCTION per MARS
experiment
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Jane’s Deeper Layers
MY VISION: I will make my living as a screenwriter by selling my own narrative scripts and successfully fulfilling writing assignments.
By doing this assignment I learned a lot more about how my killer’s roll will help move the plot along without ever standing out as a suspect. There’s a lot to fill in here but this assignment helped me create some good strong bones for the antagonist, who lurks in the background as a helpful, sunny person.
June Marvel
Surface Layer: June is recovering from hip surgery. She is treated as frail and given the minimum of activity to do in order to recover. Everyone’s expectation of her is that she doesn’t need to have vigorous physical therapy because she does not have a vigorous lifestyle.
Deeper Layer: June sees herself as far more able than others believe. She is an action hero.
Major Reveal: June rescues Percival from the ice cellar putting her life in peril and saving him through pure active grit.
Influences Surface Story: June far exceeds the physical therapist’s activities; she challenges Percival to a battle of the sexes crime challenge where her crime take some kick-ass physical work; she is a phenomenal darts player. Competitive nature continually bubbles up.
Hints: Books that she reads; picture of Beryl Markham on her dresser; stepping in to save the darts tournament.
Changes Reality: We discover that an elderly spinster who copes with life via her incredible understanding of the human heart is actually a very astute action hero when she needs to be makes us admire her for her courage and pluck, not just her keen mind and sensible shoes.
Beginning: June moves into Shady Acres, a rehabilitation center, to recover from a hip replacement surgery.
Inciting Incident: The famous detective Percival Heriot is also staying in the center. He incites June’s fury and she challenges him to a contest to see if he can solve a crime that she comes up with. He challenges her to the same contest and they are off and running.
Turning Point 1: The body of the center’s physical therapist is discovered. She has been murdered.
Act 2: June believes that Percival’s “crime” has gone terribly wrong. She accuses him of murder and sets out to prove he did it.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: June follows Percival to an ancient ice house on the grounds. They are locked in and barely escape with their lives. During their escape, June is nearly killed as she saves Percival. It is clear that someone is trying to kill them both.
Act 3: With the knowledge that someone wants them both dead, June must put aside her prejudice against Percival and work with him to find the killer. As she begins working with him, she discovers he has a secret.
Turning Point 3: Their plan is to fake June’s death, with the idea that the killer will expose himself when her “death” is discovered. June is finally getting a chance to play an active role in catching a criminal rather than just knitting and observing. She is ecstatic!
Act 4 Climax: The killer knows that June is not actually dead and takes the opportunity to attempt to kill her. In a fight for her life and Percival’s, June turns the tables and traps the killer.
Resolution: June has finally become the action hero she’s always dreamed of becoming. Knowing that she can take tough action and be recognized for it, she now goes back to the comfortable life of knitting and observing human nature. But, she could take action again anytime.
Percival Heriot
Surface Layer: Exhausted from overwork, Percival needs rest and respite. However, he can’t help but try to steal the show anytime he can. So he shares stories that amaze some but irritate others, particularly June.
Deeper Layer: In order to be close to people, something he has struggled with all of his life, Percival has for years written an advice column under the psuedomum Aunt Lily.
Major Reveal: At the end of the story when we discover that the killer is not seeking revenge based on a crime but rather because of perceived bad advice from Aunt Lily.
Influences Surface Story: Interjects words of wisdom but is pooh-poohed because he is perceived as all logic, no feeling; dismayed when people seem to shut him out regarding feelings so tends to exaggerate his logical abilities to get their attention focused back on him. He is supposed to rest but can’t stop craving attention and approval.
Hints: Steals away and is secretive; defends Aunt Lily’s honor when someone doubts her wise counsel; ALWAYS reads Aunt Lily’s column.
Changes Reality: Discovering that Percival Heriot has most likely helped more people as Aunt Lily than he has as a great detective shifts us from believing that he is only a logical “machine.”
Beginning: After solving a very public murder, Percival is exhausted and checks into Shady Acres for a month of TLC.
Inciting Incident: He finds the idea of mild June Marvel solving a crime that he creates laughable. But when she easily discovers the theft of a diamond ring faster than he does, he takes the competition seriously and recruits some of the staff, including the center’s physical therapist, to help him.
Turning Point 1: The physical therapist is found dead, with evidence that links her to Percival as his accomplice.
Act 2: Suspicion turns to Percival and he decides that he must find the killer or be arrested for murder.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Percival follows the clues to an ancient ice house, unaware that June is on his tail. As the ice house fills with carbon monoxide, Percival is rescued by June. As they make their escape, the ice house falls down around them and they barely escape with their lives.
Act 3: With the knowledge that someone wants them both dead, Percival must put aside his pride and work with June to find the killer.
Turning Point 3: For the first time in a very long time, Percival is part of a team, not working alone. But he has trouble adapting and, because of this, their plan and June’s life is now in deep peril. Can his “little grey cells” work fast enough to expose the killer?
Act 4 Climax: Percival realizes who the killer is and why they want him to go to jail for murdering June. It’s not about an old case. It’s about his moonlighting job as Aunt Lily. He can’t use his usual “denouement in library” method of exposing the killer. He must resort to using June’s plan and he must stick to it or she will die and he will go to prison for her murder.
Resolution: June’s fast action and his ability to adapt to something new in a pinch saves the day. He discovers that he likes working with June and that she is the one person he knows he can trust with his deepest secret.
Murderer
Surface Layer: Concerned therapist eager to fill in and help when the previous therapist is murdered.
Deeper Layer: Vengeful killer determined to kill Aunt Lily.
Major Reveal: At the climax of the story we learn that the threats against June and Percival are not based on revenge from someone whose loved one was incarcerated or hanged for a crime that she believes they were innocent of but rather they are based on advice given long ago that the killer believes led to her mother’s death.
Influences Surface Story: Overly chatty with both June and Percival; overly concerned with their progress.
Hints: Is responsible for both June and Percival moving into Shady Acres; pushes June’s theory that Percival is responsible for the last therapists death; is very keen to know what June and Percival are planning.
Changes Reality: We, as well as June and Percival, assume that the revenge is based on the previous capture of a criminal by either June or Percival. When we discover that it is all about revenge for what is perceived as bad advice, it sets up both of our sleuths as very human and very fallible.
Beginning: When her father passed away, her mother wrote to Aunt Lily to ask how to help her daughter. Aunt Lily suggests getting away on a holiday. On the holiday her mother meets a man and they marry.
Inciting Incident: She is sent to boarding school because her mother travels with her new husband.
Turning Point 1: She strives to be accepted at the boarding school, but isn’t. Instead she is bullied. She writes to Aunt Lily to ask what to do. Aunt Lily tells her to fight back.
Act 2: When she fights back, she is expelled from school. Her mother has to fly home to pick her up. The plane crashes and her mother is killed. Distraught, she blames Aunt Lily.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: 20 years later, she accidently discovers Aunt Lily’s real identity and decides to kill Aunt Lily. She hatches a plan and puts it in motion.
Act 3: She murders the physical therapist at Shady Acres in order to get close to Aunt Lily and set her plan into action.
Turning Point 3: She quietly sets up her web and is ready to snare Aunt Lily when she discovers that keeping Aunt lily alive but having him spend the rest of his life in jail would be more satisfying, she changes her plan and sets her sights on killing June and framing Percival for the death.
Act 4 Climax: She sees through June and Percival’s plan to expose her and takes advantage of their scheme to kill June.
Resolution: She doesn’t bank on June and Percival discovering who she is and what she is doing until it is too late. She is captured and arrested for murder.
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Joe McGloin’s deeper layer
Vision: I am a talented, highly regarded, efficient, relaxed, happy, WGA screenwriter
What I learned from doing this assignment is how key to the story the antagonist is, as he holds the key to keeping things from going off the rails. The protagonists also have keys, so everyone is crucial to both the surface and the deeper story.
<div>Surface Layer: Max is helping/guarding
local politician Jane
</div><div>Deeper Layer: Jane is the key to save
humanity from self-destruction</div><div>
Major Reveal: Jane must become President
to fulfill her missionInfluences Surface Story: Clarence is
keeping a watchful eye on Jane’s career pathHints: Jane is in the right place at
the right time on several occasionsChanges Reality: What appears to be a
love story is about saving humanity</div>
Protagonist Max
<div>
Inciting Incident: he rebels at the assignment
Turning Point 1: back in heaven, he
watches her being manipulated and accepts only as a temporary assignment
Act 2: Max helps Jane out of harm’s
way, finds her take-charge approach admirable, but she still needs
protection from the political sharks around her
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Max has to
take on a permanent human form to prevent him from using his overbearing
approach that will derail Jane’s mission
Act 3: Max as an aide, they get along
well as Max struggles with letting life unfold on its own vs. being a
helicopter. The angels cheer him. Even the higher ups – unusual
Turning Point 3: Max discovers he is
in love so can’t be objective. He resigns.
Act 4 Climax: Max dies
Resolution: Max returns with Clarence’s
help
</div><div></div>
Protagonist Jane
Beginning: she is independent but shy
of relationships
Inciting Incident: he is hired and
assigned to her. His overbearing is off-putting
Turning Point 1: She discovers she is
to be the fall guy for a gun bill
Act 2: she pushes alternate gun bill
and succeeds, surprising everyone, including her
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Jane leaps
to national politics when boss arrested
Act 3: Jane’s advisor has health crisis
and gets Max as her new advisor
Turning Point 3: Jane falling in love
with Max, a first for her.
Act 4 Climax: She is presidential
candidate with Max advising but he dies as a result of resigning his
position as her G. Angel and she threatens to leave politics
Resolution: She wins, he returns and they
live happily in the White HouseAntagonist Clarence
Beginning: Clarence fights the assignment
Inciting Incident: Overruled on Max’s
assignment
Turning Point 1: determines to make
the assignment a failure as it’s too important
Act 2: turns a deaf ear to Max’s
entreaties for help while Jane is climbing up the ranks
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Makes Max
get a human body full time; work with that limit
Act 3: Max and
Jane do
fine without Clarence who now has a
grudging respect for Max
Turning Point 3: Max resigns then dies
to Clarence’s chagrin. But rules are rules.
Act 4 Climax: Max’s human body dies. Clarence
must find a way to keep Jane in politics as she is so upset at Max’s death
she threatens to leave
Resolution: Clarence
saves the day – a pilot program allow angels + humans to co-exist -
John T’s Deeper Layer
Vision: to become a reliable box office success around the world.What I learned doing this assignment is that logical story elements pop up when adding layers.
Surface Layer: Phil is suspected of being a serial killer.
Deeper Layer: His friend, Louise, has a crush on Phil, follows him everywhere.
Major Reveal: Louise, aka Louis, is the serial killer.
Influences Surface Story: Louise is Phil’s best friend at work and a shoulder to cry on. Phil just wants to be friends.
Hints: Louise knows things about the murder, frequently ends up on the same trip as Phil same as the killer, gets a little too intimate.
Changes Reality: Phil must stop the killer from killing again – runs into Louise attempting (another) murder. Louise shoots Agent Ben.Beginning: Phil deals with the loss of Amber several months after she is viciously murdered. FB: An unidentified boy is abused by his father.
Inciting Incident: Another young girl is murdered, same MO, in Phil’s layover city. He commits to finding the serial killer.Turning Point 1: Agent Ben suspects Phil
Act 2: Another murder, Phil goes on the run, warned by Louise, pursued by Ben.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Phil figures out where and when the next murder will take place. Act 3: Phil heads to the hotel, sees Louise who offers to help.
Turning Point 3: Ben is hot on the trail to arrest Phil. Phil barely escapes.
Act 4 Climax: Louise shoots Ben, the victim escapes, Phil struggles with the killer – Louise revealed as Louis. Phil kills Louise.
Resolution – we now see the boy forced to dress up like a girl that we thought was Phil or Ben was really Lewis. Ben heals, gets promoted. Phil regarded as a hero, learns to appreciate life. Ready for a new relationship. -
KRISTIN’S DEEPER LAYER
VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”
WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment is that although I had done the intrigue and other assignments before, I didn’t fully understand how that information would (a) define the deeper layer in a real way, and (b) how it would flesh out the story. I think I wasn’t really SURE how the deeper layer really was going to work, and that it didn’t have to originate with the protagonist.
_______________
Surface Layer: Pete is accused of a lot of crimes, and as he goes about proving his innocence, the audience wonders who he really is. They’re asking, “if there’s smoke, is there fire?”
Deeper Layer: The prosecutor has labeled/targeted Pete as an “opportunistic treasure hunter”—looking for an “easy win” to make national headlines; once he screws up with the seizure, his judge friend has to help him patch up the case. Neither one cares if Pete is actually innocent. Meanwhile, Pete already feels inadequate in his field, and these accusations push his buttons.
Major Reveal: Could be when Pete signs in at the prison, and the guard blurts it out. If then, we also have all the other prisoners treating him “specially,” and “everyone” knows he’s innocent.
Influences Surface Story: As Pete retraces his steps, to defend against the accusations and prove himself as a real scientist, he’s working to clear his name. There are enough missteps through the process that we wonder if he’s shading the truth—until it’s discovered that he was wrongly prosecuted.
Hints: Judge’s ridiculous decisions (plea bargain, objections); prosecutor’s lack of preparedness (no packing materials; doesn’t understand the notes / land designations); prosecutor not objecting to the juror who knows the judge; prosecutor backing the judge when he refuses to step down; judge’s crazy jury instructions.
Changes Reality: We realize that there really ARE naïve, kind humans; and we realize that Pete really HAS changed the science, that he really IS amazing at his job, and a total maverick. He’s unusual, but he’s not a fortune hunter or a liar—and things that could have been “shady” were actually innocent. We also realize that the “good guys” lied to the public the entire time.
_______________
Adding to the structure:
Beginning: As the merry band of paleontologists are working, they hear from a friend or relative who works in the courthouse or one of the law firms. They get a head’s up that someone’s looking into the legalities of the fossil. “No problem,” says Pete. “We’re above board.”
Inciting Incident: During the seizure of property, the prosecutor is oddly overprepared in some aspects—obviously wearing makeup for the cameras he called to the scene—and underprepared in most others. He’s not knowledgeable about the fossil, how to pack it, whom he should have brought with him, etc. His whole focus was in calling the press to alert them about using the National Guard, and what he assumes the optics will be. He’s very wrong.
Turning Point 1: Prosecutor totally flips out when Pete turns the tables on him. He’s also incorrect with his quotes to the international media.
Act 2: As Pete gets sympathetic press, prosecutor spreads the story that fossil hunters are treasure hunters who are only interested in money. He says, “We’re trying to save these things from being auctioned to the highest bidder.” From the position of the Surface Layer, this seems like “the truth,” or at least the “party line” of academics; but in the Deeper Layer, it’s a smoke screen to buy the prosecutor time.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Even though he knows Pete isn’t guilty, prosecutor sets up a huge and ridiculous RICO case. [There should be a “hint” here that indicates he wonders if he’s overstepping…provides a shadow of a doubt for audience.]
Act 3: This is where both sides build their cases, and the competition is on. Hints here involve how the prosecutor handles the investigation, and what he tells his field operatives.
Turning Point 3: How prosecutor handles the plea bargain indicates he’s wavering. The judge refuses the plea bargain, trying to prevent the prosecutor from admitting defeat and exposing them.
Act 4 Climax: The courtroom is a shit show. Prosecutor obviously doesn’t know about a million details; his heart is not in the case itself.
Resolution: Pete goes to prison—and finds out that the whole thing was a set-up.
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Jacqueline Murphy Deeper Layer! WIM Mod 4 Les 2 August 14, 2022
VISION: To empower myself to go for my dreams to be a great writer, actress and filmmaker who is “Admired”, recognized and sought after by the industry and has many successful TV & Film projects produced that make a difference and inspire others to go for their dreams.
What I learned from doing this assignment after laying it all out in a fill in the blanks style I went back to previous outlines/lessons. I see the turning points and acts can shift, make more of an impact and how the deeper layer can increase the intrigue and interest in the story line. For now: I’m living with the answers below but will compare with older lessons & see what comes up in new lessons for me then choose the most compelling but THEN I went BACK AND combined the Les 1 w. 2 to make stronger points and will continue reviewing to strengthen.
State-To-Activity empowerment process. State: I am absolutely capable…Activity: …building in an engaging deeper layer!
2. As with The Sixth Sense, create each piece of this “Deeper Layer” puzzle.
Surface Layer: Olivia a frustrated actress wants to be a Movie Star, making a Faustian Deal with Sorcerer Z to “time travel her to 1940s HollywoodDeeper <div>
Layer: Olivia’s wound and desire to be loved and find out about her past drives her to search for “herself” and family in the OH Dimension. Her addiction to fame and being on top affects her decisions and leavers her vulnerable.
Major Reveal: Olivia has a “hidden” genetic talent that’s magnetized in the OH Dimension given to her by her long-lost father whom saves her at the end Influences
Surface Story-Final Reveal: O is the Ascender to the Throne but will have it both waysHints: Z seeks her out, the kaleidoscope, Homeless/Mentor Witch introduction to the Witches Coven, O’s increasing ability for magic and surprise she can “time Travel” herself without Z as she becomes more self-reliant and self-empowered
Changes Reality: From Olivia “relying” on others for her “breaks” to making it happen for herself and having an enormous magical power and ability that can make changes in any era and for others.
Once you have a first draft of the Character Structure, allow yourself to shift it, improve it, elevate it, and continue to grow it until it fits into the pilot the way you want it to be.
3. Add the rest of the structure to the characters to the script. Try to get to the point as we’ve done in the Iron Man example above.
Beginning: Where does the character start? Olivia a frustrated actress loses her Mom who gives her a family heirloom- a kaleidoscope
Inciting Incident: What propels them on their journey? Olivia desires to be a star and find out more about her father she never knew. Mr. Z wants to “steal” O’s hidden power and tempts Olivia with his magic that he can “time travel” her to OH Dimension where she can “find her dad” AND be a Movie star in 1940s Hollywood but never return to the real world. Z sets up Angelica, O’s BBF so that O loses trust in her. Angelica left behind, bereft as she secretly loves Olivia-she reminds O she should think of Norma.
Turning Point 1-: A major twist that locks them into a conflict.: Z. time travels Olivia to 1940’s OH Dimension and she is a big movie star but is hurtled into this dangerous world where she is a fish out of water and must deal with all the people who “want” from her: the Dangerous Davey Haze-Mafia club owner and Studio Head Sam Meyer along with her troublesome boyfriend Billy whose addiction to gambling puts her in peril. Olivia uses her “acting abilities” to play and get through it all.
Act 2: The character has a “normal response” to this change in their lives. Olivia tries to enjoy her fame. She meets a homeless woman who is really Head of the witches Coven who wants to mentor her to discover her hidden talent for magic but keeps from Olivia her true purpose-to have O. ascend the throne of OH and who O’s father is. Olivia tries to Make it work in OH and focus on her stardom and fame.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: A twist that causes everything to change but keeps the character on the same journey. O fed up with the crazy OH Dimension begs Z to take her back but he refuses because he needs O’s power in OH so he can ascend the throne and fights a silent battle with the Witches Coven as they both need to keep their motivations from O. Angelica O’s BBF time travels herself to “help’ O be true to herself.
Act 3: The character rethinks their journey and makes a real change to solve things. O decides to take her fate into her “own hands” and starts to experiment with her “magic”. As her power gets stronger she hides it from the coven, Z and the OH Dimension as she wants to decide for herself what her life will be .O is thrilled to find she can time travel herself back to the “Real” world and decides to go back and get distance from this crazy world. Angelica reveals to O that Norma is getting in trouble with drugs in the real world ad. needs help Olivia’s experimenting with magic and figuring out how to time travel but a further wrench in Z’s plans NOW he must follow her back to the Real world and sees that he can use her 19 year old niece Norma who wants to be “a star, just like Auntie O” . Z and Angelica are locked in a battle of good and evil as Olivia comes back to the real world portal. Z tempts her so how was it? But when Olivia doesn’t bite he takes Norma into the OH world causing Olivia to have to go back to protect Norma
Turning Point 3: Another major twist that takes them to the biggest conflict Turning Point 3: Norma is a star and is dating newspaper magnate WR Cox and steering Studio head Sam Meyer. She refuses to go back with Olivia. Z offers the solution: Give me your newfound power and the kaleidoscope and the keys to the kingdom and you can get her back. Olivia and Norma are nominated for an Oscar and now compete with each other.
4th Act Climax: The ultimate experience/expression of this conflict. All 3-Z, O and Angelica go back to “save” Norma but the OH Dimension has other plans and the witches Coven can’t lose Olivia again. An irate Z follows Olivia back, tries to tempt her telling Olivia I can win you the Oscar but Angelica runs interference.. Z challenges Olivia to a magic duel. Angelica is allowed to help Olivia and the 3 go at it. The thunderstorm of Z’s Evil, Angelica’s Good and Olivia’s “BALANCE” cause ripples through the OH Universe electrically breaking the “spell” that bound Olivia’s father. With the help of the witches the father-the founding ruler and creator of the OH Dimension appears knocking all 3 in separate corners and reveals they are all half siblings BUT Olivia is the only one with one 100% gene to rule because she is BALANCE
Resolution: Their world has changed. How did they end up after going through this journey? A battle of wills takes place: Z-Evil, Angelica-Good and Olivia-Balance causing a huge electrical thunderstorm magnetizing Olivia’s power and releasing her “invisible” father from the spell. The father appears the witches bow chanting him to be the “Creator” of the OH Dimension. The father announces all 3 are siblings but only Olivia can be the true ruler because of her 100% genetic trail as BALANCE. He passes the torch to Olivia letting her know of the “Balance” that is needed there to make the changes in the OH & Real world. Olivia ascends the Throne but we see her conflict as she still yearns to be a star and not ruler. Olivia announces her feelings during the “coronation” to be a different kind of ruler and insists she wants it both ways. Olivia brokers her deal and is able to make changes in past and present that make a difference. After duking it out between themselves Z and Angelica agree to support Olivia as they see the witches coven in behind her and Olivia is the rightful ruler.
</div>
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<div>
Susan Arnout Smith’s Great Amazing Vision: I easily co-create with the Creator projects that are produced, win awards, heal hearts and bring me professional respect, financial abundance and time to explore the world with my family and friends.
What I learned from this assignment: Every choice I make doesn’t have to be permanent, it’s just a placeholder as I learn to elevate my abilities.
ESME COOPER AND THE PROPHESY OF DOOM
</div>
Surface Layer: A 12-year-old needs to prove to herself that even though she’s a Halfling, she carries her mother’s magical healing powers.
Deeper Layer: A curse has been activated so that instead, Esme causes the destruction of her world.
Major Reveal: The evil Queen activating the curse is her grandmother, her mother’s mother.
Influences Surface Story: The story of her grandmother’s ‘death’ has holes in it. Her mother is fearful of things in her past. Her mother recognizes the hand of her own mother instantly in the activated prophesy. Esme, suffering from amnesia, is drawn to the very things her mother rejected long ago to save herself and the kingdom. Esme (in her state of amnesia) is told lies about her mother that make her start to despise her and shift her allegiances.
Hints: Mary Fortuna (the Queen disguised), as the child advocate, slips into the conversation with Esme the importance of discovering one’s lineage and respecting one’s elders, even following paths that don’t seem correct, because the elders hold wisdom and ultimately safety. Changes Reality: During the battle of her life to save her kingdom, Esme discovers the truth about the evil Queen: she’s Esme’s grandmother who sold her legacy in order to gain absolute power, at the cost of the kingdom of Cantoria, and her descendants.
Add the rest of the structure to the characters to the script.
· Beginning: 12-year old Esme Cooper attacks her nemesis, Gisselda, who challenges Esme about her ability to ever become High Priestess since Esme’s a Halfling.
· Inciting Incident: In a risky, brash move, Esme secretly follows her mother into the sky during a healing ‘binding’ to see whether she can see what her mother sees, thus insuring that the line of power is intact.
Turning Point 1: The wounded woman her mother is healing morphs into an assassin who delivers the prophesy: the kingdom of Cantoria will we destroyed at the hands of a child: Esme.Act 2: Everything Esme tries fails. She’s finally sent to stay with her father, John, in the Outlier compound for her own protection and the protection of Cantoria. John teaches her Earth survival tactics.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Cantoria’s security is breached and attacked by the Queen. Esme and her immediate family, (mom, dad, younger sister) escape their world and head for Earth.
Act 3: In the escape vehicle, Esme’s mother wraps her in a mantle of forgetfulness. Both parents order her not to remember who she is…the more she remembers…the more she will be able to be tracked by Evil, following her Light. The vehicle crashes. Amnesiac Esme calls herself Rose, meets the court child advocate, Mary Fortuna, and as she begins to remember bits of her past, she becomes more at risk. Mary sends her to live with her dad’s parents in Kansas for her own safety.
Turning Point 3: Her grandparents are assassins sent by the Queen to kill her. Returning for protection to Mary, Esme discovers that Mary herself is not her protector, but sent by the Queen to track/control every move of Esme, and especially stop her from returning to Cantoria in time to save her world, which is still alive, but barely. Her old friend, Bodhi, helps her return to Cantoria.
Act 4 Climax: The evil Queen rapidly flips between her Queen persona and Mary, so Esme discovers that Mary (the Queen) has been with her the entire time, discovering everything Esme can use as power. Esme’s dad, mother, sister, along with the rest of Cantoria still ‘alive’ have been leached of all powers and magic. Gisselde, Esme’s old enemy, is now a tyrant ruling Cantoria. Bodhi reveals himself to be a pawn of the Queen and now an ally of Gisselda. Esme must dig deep, embrace the power she’s never claimed before, and battle the queen and her forces in the fiercest fight between light and dark. She rallies her community once more to fight with her, as they remember who they really are.
Resolution: Esme becomes the High Priestess and leader of Cantoria. The Queen, (her grandmother), is neutralized and the curse turns on her. The kingdom of Cantoria once again lives in Light.
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Valeriya’s Deeper Layer!
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I am absolutely capable of building in an engaging deeper layer!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– Very insightful experience, helps to make sure I can put the main point across.
– For the thriller genre this exercise is essential.
– Got another breakthrough on the theme and how it can be expressed.
BOO WHO HOO: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
Surface Layer: A monster ruins Irene’s life.
Deeper Layer: Irene ruins her life and the monster tries to stop her.
Major Reveal: The monster is made of every desire Irene ever gave up on, it’s not trying to kill Irene, it’s asking for help.
Influences Surface Story:
– The monster comes out believing that Irene can help it.
– It shows her that life is short.
– It plays with her the games she used to like.
– It pushes her to enjoy her life.
– It gets worse every time Irene goes to her old ways.
Hints:
– Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).
– She gets scared first, then the monster appears, not the other way around!
– As soon as she decides to change the monster falls apart.
Changes Reality: Discovering that the monster is made of her dreams, Irene realizes she created all the scary moments in her story.
7RDRD4: Robots became too human and people start dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
Surface Layer: A girl and her robot try to survive the dehumanization program.
Deeper Layer: What’s going on is dehumanization of people, not robots.
Major Reveal: A robot exploits society’s hatred and fear to gain control over them.
Influences Surface Story: The debate gets more and more heated. People choose a cruel game to sort people and robots.
Hints:
– Thinking for oneself is frowned upon.
– People are asked to betray their robots and out of fear, they do exactly that.
– Someone was killed in the recycling facility.
– Someone kills robots without following any procedures (human red herring?)
– The voice of reason gets turned inside out (as if he protects robots)
Changes Reality:
– People were betraying themselves all along.
– People were fooled by a robot.
– Just being herself saves Lo so she can save everyone.
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Elizabeth’s Deeper Layers
My Vision: I write kickass, creative and emotional blockbuster movies, TV series and graphic novels like my writing heroes (eg. Jonathan Nolan, Joseph Weisberg, etc.) and be in constant demand.
What I learned from doing this assignment: I learned that by systematically adding layers of information such as intrigue and subtext, we create a story with deeper layers.
Surface: A memory scientist searches for her missing brother and is suddenly reunited with him.
Deep Layer: Not knowing he’s an imposter and the real one could be still alive.
Major Reveal: Rizzo realizes that Marcus Doppler’s short sporadic memory is not from amnesia but is from being a copy/doppelganger. She sees in the memory that the real Marcus is not dead and still breathing.
Influences Surface Story: Marcus Doppler tries to cover up his lack of memory and tries to hide specific details of real memory but Rizzo is able to uncover it.
Hints: Marcus Doppler’s character is an asshole while the real Marcus is not. .
Changes Reality: Discovering Marcus Doppler is an imposter, we are afraid for Rizzo.
Deeper Layer Structure
· Beginning: Rizzo must make a presentation to the University of her memory recall system which she and her brother developed or risk losing all funding.
· Surface: Rizzo needs her brother but he is missing and all her search for him has come up empty. She is kidnapped in the middle of the presentation.
· Inciting Incident: Rizzo is led to her missing brother Marcus who was injured and suffering from PTSD after a secret mission .
· Turning Point 1: After Rizzo enters Marcus’ memory to review, it ‘appears’ Marcus has killed his squad leader in the last mission.
· Deeper layer: Rizzo works with Marcus’ memory to explain why her brother is not a killer. She doesn’t know he is an imposter.
· Act 2: Rizzo dives into Marcus’ memory and discovers that his memory cannot go further back than 1<sup>st</sup> and 2<sup>nd</sup>mission. She thinks it is amnesia. Which makes her more driven to take him home to help him heal.
· Influence the story: Without Rizzo’s knowledge Marcus Doppler has have been able to hide it from her peering eyes.
· Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Sara who was saved in the last mission is mysteriously killed and her boy Billy survives, and Marcus is the first suspect.
· After entering Marcus Doppler’s memory and searching out clues…
Hint: Several clues in memory and other activities point to anomalies with Marcus Doppler.
Major reveal: She sees in Marcus Doppler’s memory the final clue, that her real brother is not dead but could be alive! Rizzo concludes Marcus Doppler is an imposter.
· End of Act 2: Suddenly Miller is killed. This shocks everyone.
· Change in Reality: Marcus Doppler is indeed the killer or could have helped in killing Miller and Sara.
· Act 3: Rizzo figures She must go to Black Time to find the real Marcus. She focusses her efforts to get to Black Time.
· Turning Point 3: Huge failure / Major shift: Rizzo arrives in Black Time. There she confronts her own doppleganger.
· Change in Reality: Rizzo confronts her doppler who shocks her into remembering her own memory and must deal with it. This new revelation galvanizes her desperate need to find her brother alive.
· She discovers the parallel universe and finds Marcus alive! She brings him back so he can get quick medical attention.
· Act 4 Climax: When they are back, Marcus Doppler and Billy Doppler stand in their way in front of HQ. A huge clash and battle. Marcus and Rizzo work together to save each other.
· Resolution: Marcus Doppler and Billy Doppler are dead. Rizzo thwarted a potential portal opening for other dopplers.
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Daniel Turner’s Deeper Layer
VISION: to become a produced, well regarded, and in demand writer.
What I learned doing this assignment is a much easier way to get some depth and stronger themes into the story.
Surface Layer: Detective is trying to solve a case of a series of ritualistic murders.
Deeper Layer: The murders and the disappearances are connected.
Major Reveal: The murders and the disappearances are being carried out by a secret sect of policeman, to cleanse the city.
Influences Surface Story: A few of the victims have been call girls. So he believes that his girlfriend could be in danger.
Hints: All of the victims have been people suspected of being on the wrong side of the law.
Changes Reality: finding out that he is trying to gather enough evidence to prove and prosecute cops puts another level of difficulty and danger on the situation.
Protagonist
Beginning:
Inciting Incident: Crime scene with bled out call-girl.
Turning Point 1: He finds out that criminals in the city are disappearing.
Act 2: He begins to investigate why so many criminals have seemed to have disappeared.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: He finds out that the criminals are being snatched up by a secret group of cops.
Act 3: He discovers that the same group of cops doing the snatching are also behind the ritualistic murders.
Turning Point 3: They realize that he is getting close to finding out all about them and attempt to kill the Detective.
Act 4 Climax: After he gets out of the hospital, he gathers enough evidence to have charges brought against the group.
Resolution: While in custody, the leader of the group escapes. He is let out and the paperwork that released him looks official.
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