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Day 19 Assignments
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6 Replies
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Ron’s Act 3 Middle Scenes
What I learned from writing this assignment: I was in a band once. And when everybody was in a “groove” there was a sensation of one-ness, of “being in sync” that’s hard to replicate. I imagine it’s similar for sports teams. Well, that’s how this assignment felt. The story was flowing from my fingertips, almost effortlessly. I know the preceding scene doesn’t set this one up yet, that’ll come in rewrite. But this scene just “fell in my lap”. It is partly a function of “write for 20%”, knowing that whatever improvements are required can be accommodated in rewrites, probably several of them. The point is to get the “skeleton” of the story down so it can be modified, “beaten into place” to make it all work, over time. You have to start somewhere and what I’m writing today is merely a start.
I expect to be in rewrites for months.
Scene 2 and 3 outlines
Scene 2 outline: Make a New Plan. Cuccinelli sees the abandonment of destroyers by the Japanese to be an opportunity. It will take removing the torpedoes from the PTs and turning them into gunboats. But that won’t be enough. Cooch will have to adjust, he can’t just go barging in at a giant target any more. The barges that replace the destroyers are smaller, less obtrusive. They tend to hug the islands, so the PT can’t sit in the “shadows” quite so much.
Scene 3 outline: Things start going well, until………….Cuccinelli’s first forays with the adjusted attack profile go well. He takes out 1 or 2 barges a night. So do many of the other skippers. Part of the secret to this success is the use of fast radio codes to notify other skippers, but nobody talks about that with Commander Hart because it’s going against orders. In the meantime, Jack Kennedy and his crew are rescued, and it all seems to be coming together. Until……………one night Cooch is out on the 129 and he detects a barge. But by the time he does it’s well south of him, so he radios the skipper to his south. The Japanese pick up the transmission and prepare for an encounter. When the notified skipper goes in on an attack, it turns out there are three barges, all supporting each other in fields of fire, and the PT is sunk. Nobody knows about the radio signals by Cuccinelli, but how long can that secret last?
Scene 2 script:
INT – “O club” – DAY
CUCCINELLI is playing poker with 3 other skippers in what passes for an “O club”. The guys are smoking, and someone’s found some booze, and they’re trying to put the war off for a few more hours.
CUCCINELLI: ” boy, that was different last night, right? Did anybody see a destroyer at all? Have the Japs gone totally to these barges?”
HOFFMAN: “I didn’t see anything”
SKIPPER 3: “Me neither”
SKIPPER 4: “Nope. Had two of those barges, sank one, hurt the second one but he got away. They’re pretty tough, though, plenty of 50 cals and armored”.
HOFFMAN: “and the US Navy issues us wooden boats”.
CUCCINELLI: “well, what’s everybody think about going barge hunting without the torpedoes? They’re useless against the barges anyway, it’d make us lighter and faster, and we could go after the barges with the 37mm and the 40mm”.
SKIPPER 4: “you know, I hadn’t thought of that, but that’s a great idea!”
CUCCINELLI: “we’ll start tonight, see how it goes”.
CUCCINELLI plays a few more hands, and bags out of the game. He walks down to the 129 sitting at its dock and looks at it.
CUCCINELLI: “well, old girl, tonight’s a new night for you. We’re going to turn you into a gunboat”.
Scene 3
2. EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT
Once more, we’re on a powerful vessel, motors turned off, in the dark. The boat is actually anchored just offshore an island, trying to be soundless so the guys can hear across the water, to augment the radar, which doesn’t work as well on barges as it does on big destroyers.
LECROIX: (whispering): “Skipper, you hear that?”
CUCCINELLI (whispering back): I think so. What do you think? Northwest? How far?
LECROIX (still whispering): “I’d say about 3 or 4 miles”, probably hugging the coast.
CUCCINELLI: (whispering to Jaworski, motor mech): “how long for you to fire these babies up, Jaworski?”
JAWORSKI: “give me 60 seconds, Mr. Cuccinelli, and you’ll be good to go”.
The sound of the barge(s) come closer. They ARE hugging the coastline, and we’re (in an inversion of our approach to the destroyers) out in the strait, so we can pin these guys up against the shorline. Then it becomes clear that there must be two barges, in close proximity.
CUCCINELLI (whispering to Jaworski): “Now, Jaworski”
Jaworski starts engine #1, followed 20 seconds later by engine #2, and then again, another 20 seconds, third engine’s up at idle.
CUCCINELLI: (in normal voice): “battle stations, everybody”…………..and ITALIAN, send a “G” to DUMBROWSKI”.
CUCCINELLI advances the throttles to full and aims for the noise, actually leading the noise a bit. He plans to come in at the barge orthoganally to the boat’s course, so he can use his speed, giving the 50 cal gunners plenty of time to rake the barges but scooting away when they start firing back. His first run is unusually effective, takes out the driver of the barge and rakes the sailors within, killing almost half. The Oerlikon puts a few holes in the sides, the 129 rushes back out to sea. The entire encounter lasts no more than 20 seconds, during which time the barge sailors are doing their best to defend themselves. But Cooch is calm, cool and collected by now, turns to hide in the dark, goes out half a mile, turns as hard as he can to return. This time it’s the port gunner who gets his shots in, again with the Oerlikon. By now the barge is down in the water, there are fires in the stores. It’s going to go down. Where’s that second barge?
Then, out of the night, as if on cue, the second barge shows up dead ahead of the 129. Cooch goes full throttle again, cranking the wheel to get some distance. There are 50 cal rounds incoming, got to find some defense in the dark!
And then, right behind the barge, comes DUMBROWSKI on the 151! He takes his shots at the barge and passes into the night. CUCCINELLI steps in, almost balletically, and sweeps past the barge, already in trouble, and has his way with its crew and contents. It starts to sink, DUMBROWSKI comes in one more time on the 151 and finishes her off.
3 Scene 3 script:
EXT – ON WATER – NIGHT
It has been about a week since the events above. In the meantime, CUCCINELLI has refined his approach and these days he usually comes back with at least one sinking every night . Cooch has been telling his fellow skippers about his approach, and so other skippers are prevailing in their encounters as well (of course, the secret radio code must remain secret). Overall the squadron has sunk almost 20 barges in the past week. Commander Hart is pleased.
CUCCINELLI radios Keresey an “M” when he learns there are three barges in loose formation coming his way. This is confirmed by his radar operator from a bit of a distance (~6 miles). Consequently, Cooch has the time to set up a pass by all three barges. Keresey’s on the way, can be in our location in ~12 minutes.
The barges “appear” in the dusk and gloom of night, but the telltale green phosphoresence gives them away. Cooch lines up an attack profile to rake all three barges, and hopes the altercation will be obvious to Keresey when he approaches the area. After one pass, Cooch does his now-routine path of wheeling out into the deeper water, turning as tight as possible and coming back for more. One barge is shot up pretty good, and it’s blocking the path of the second barge, so Cooch’s gunners make sure it’s going down, saving a few rounds for the second barge.
Just then, out of the gloom comes Keresey. He’s shooting at the barges too. But he’s opposite the 129, apparently doesn’t see it there. And the 129 starts to get shot up. Worse and worse over the course of ~60 seconds. The radio and radar get shot out, there are a few rounds into the kitchen and the berthing areas, one round hits the smoke generator, which starts spewing smoke, making visibility even worse. Then the 40mm comes after the 129. It takes out a big chunk of the cabin on top.
CUCCINELLI withdraws. But now he’s going to have to square up stories with Keresey to explain how he got his boat all shot up. And while nobody’s going to want to admit this to Commander Hart, this was friendly fire!
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Gerry Cousins – Act 3 Turning Point -Lessons 17-18-19
What I have learned – I never did an outline before; I’ve taken many playwriting courses and none of them suggested outlines or beat sheets. However, outlining my play script, even two years after the fact, has given me so much more insight into what was wrong with the play and how much it could be improved. I would say that even though I am following a 2-Act scenario and you are doing a 4-act, which i can’t quite match up, the course has proved very worthwhile. Also, please note that I am also doing a play-within-a-play, which is also a vastly different structure. Nevertheless, writers live with their characters, and while the lowest point in the play so far happens to the protagonist on the second tier, it very much has its effect on the main protagonist and her thinking, actions, etc.
I did not miss Lessons 17-18-19 but have incorporated them into an entirely new Act II rewrite.
I am very much looking forward to your getting to the last act of the screenplay, as it applies to my stage play. Based on what I’ve learned here, the end of the drama is very different than it once was.
So ready to continue moving forward …
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M.M.’s Act 3 Turning Point
What I learned in this assignment is to set the character up for the breakthrough in Act 4, where I’ve previously written 3 acts and an “epilogue” so it’s a new structure.
KEY SCENE 4: Turning Point – Protagonist faces her lowest low.
INT. RITZY BEACH CLUB – DAY
BEGINNING: Emilio and Bella stand facing each other by a huge picture window overlooking the beautiful beach. The priest pronounces them man and wife, and Emilio chastely kisses Bella. She wears a simple yet elegant beaded wedding gown and traditional veil. They walk into the reception and are greeted by all of Hectors and Inez’s friends. Bella meets up with her mom Valencia and her siblings, but she sees none of her college friends except Luke. She addressed their invitations, but Inez assured her she would mail them. Oh well, Bella figures they just got lost in the mail.
MIDDLE: After the first dance with Bella, Emilio is mobbed by his family, leaving Bella alone. His parents’ friends hug Emilio and mingle with everyone else, talking excitedly. Luke asks Bella to dance and she looks for Emilio but can’t find him, so she accepts. She asks how Luke got an invitation when their other friends and teammates didn’t. Luke admits he did not get an invitation but figured it out. Out of the corner of his eye Emilio sees Luke and Bella dancing and he frowns at her but she ignores him and laughs with Luke. Emilio starts to walk over to Luke, but Inez hands Emilio a thick envelope, explaining what it is. He hugs and kisses her emotionally and tucks it inside his tux, then points to Luke. She tells Emilio something and he nods, then goes up to the couple and cuts in on Luke’s dance.
END: Bella escorts Valencia and her siblings and Luke to their reserved table at one end of the room, far from the head table. Bella takes her seat, alone at the big long table. Bella and her family are alone in a sea of Emilio’s family and friends. Emilio and his family join her at the head table and in the commotion she does not see two security guards approach Luke and escort him out. He looks at Bella but she is hidden by Emilio’s family and friends congratulating her.
INT. LUXURY HOTEL SUITE – DAY
BEGINNING:
The morning after the wedding night, Bella wakes up and turns to Emilio. Instead, she sees a breakfast tray by his pillow with a note that he will be back soon. She calls his cell which goes to voice mail. Then she notices a text from Luke saying he was asked to leave and accused of crashing the wedding. He says for her not to worry and his plane is about to leave. He wishes her the best and will see her at the MLB draft if not before when she returns.
MIDDLE: Emilio suddenly returns and tells her to get dressed to go on a deep sea fishing trip with his parents. She asks where he has been. He says eating breakfast with his parents and as an aside tells her she can now have anything she wants by just asking him. He explains his mother transferred the trusteeship of his multi-million dollar trust to him. She asks if he married her just to get the money. He just stares at her. Bella tells Emilio she expects his parents to leave as Valencia did so they will be together all week by themselves. She said she looks forward to a proper honeymoon since she saved herself for him. He says when he tells her to do something she needs to do it.
END: Bella asks for an apology. Emilio cruelly smiles and says he fired Phil from representing her. He says now that she’s married to him, her job is to support his bid for an MLB team and to go with him wherever he gets drafted. She tries to reason with him that she is a better baseball player than he is and she wants to be in the draft. He slaps her and tells her to get dressed. Pressing her hand to her smarting face she heads for the bathroom. He tells her to cover the bruise with makeup and make it look good.
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Carol Dougherty’s Act 3 Turning Point
What I learned doing this assignment: I’m a bit stunned at how short the scene ended up being. My original idea was much longer, however, it took a different direction from what I expected, and although it’s shorter, I think it’s better. And it’s a first draft, so it’s possible it will grow or deepen later. The main thing is that it feels right, much more so than it did before in its original state.
Outline:
Key Scene 4 – Turning Point 3
BEGINNING: Pen returns from England.
MIDDLE: She is waiting for Sebastian and sees Kate with Sandy. For a moment she thinks they are together, then realizes they are not. When she and Sebastian meet up with Kate and Sandy, Kate is distantly friendly with her and makes it clear she has no interest in spending time with her.
END: Pen is devastated at this end to her hopes and dreams but feels she must honor Kate’s feelings. She can’t help seeing the irony that she is now the one being honorable.
Key Scene 4 – Turning Point 3
EXT. FOOTBRIDGE OVER NARROW PART OF LAKE – DAY
Pen is standing on the footbridge, waiting for Sebastian to join her. She is restless and crosses the bridge, following the path into the trees.
She climbs into the lower limbs of a horse chestnut tree with a mischievous smile.
The murmur of voices down a side path catches her attention and Pen sees two women walking together. One woman turns to speak to the other and Pen sees it is Kate.
Something cold and wet touches her ankle. Pen jumps and falls out the tree. Trixie trots over to lick her face. Pen scratches her behind the ears.
PEN
Rascal! You scared me out of a year’s growth.
Sebastian makes his way up the path toward them.
SEBASTIAN
Quite an entrance, Penelope. However, you shouldn’t be sitting on the damp ground, you’ll catch a chill.
Pen stands up and brushes herself off.
PEN
It isn’t damp.
She goes over to give him a kiss on the cheek. He gives her a brief embrace. She can see new lines in his face and strands of white in his hair.
SEBASTIAN
I’d no idea where you’d gone, but Beatrice knew. My apologies for making you wait so long.
Pen caresses the dog’s head and her tail waves softly.
PEN
Clever girl.
SEBASTIAN
She is, indeed. Are you ready to get back to work? You got my email with the time of today’s read-through?
PEN
Yes, I’m prepared.
SEBASTIAN
You look well, Penelope. The trip wasn’t too much for you?
PEN
No. I think it was exactly what I needed. I’ll admit, I have some concerns still about working with Michael.
SEBASTIAN
I understand. No need to figure everything out today. Take it as it comes, and we shall be fine.
As they approach the footbridge, Kate and Sandy approach from a different path. It is obvious the four will meet at the entrance to the footbridge.
SEBASTIAN
(in a slightly raised voice)
Katelyn, Cassandra.
They both look up. When Kate sees Pen, she gives her a warm smile, which Pen returns. Then Kate’s face is suddenly blank and Pen’s smile fades as well.
Kate and Sandy arrive at the footbridge. Sandy gives Pen a hug. Sebastian takes Sandy by the arm and steers her across the footbridge to the theatre, leaving Pen and Kate looking at each other.
KATE
Hello, Pen.
PEN
Hello, Katie, it’s good to see you.
KATE
Is it?
PEN
Of course, why wouldn’t it be?
KATE
You tell me, Pen. You’re the one who took off without a word. Oh, that’s right, you wrote a letter. And then nothing. Not one word.
PEN
Katie, I’m –
KATE
Forget it, Pen. You made yourself plenty clear. No need to say more.
Trixie shoves her nose under Kate’s hand. Kate laughs and kneels to give her a hug.
KATE
Sorry girl, I didn’t mean to ignore you.
Pen doesn’t know what to do. Her plans for a happy reunion with Kate are dashed and she has no idea what to say or do now.
Kate stands and looks at Pen as if they are mere acquaintances.
KATE
Everyone was pleased to hear you’d be back for the season.
(smiles at dog)
Trixie seems happy, too.
PEN
Sebastian was kind to leave the parts open for me.
They cross the footbridge, chatting politely. The only sign of how either feels is tension in Pen’s carriage and the white knuckles on Kate’s hands when they grip the handrail.
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What I learned doing this assignment is creating my lowest of the low moment for my protagonist.
Key Scene 4 – Tina lets Barry go
Beginning: Tina rejects Barry’s marriage proposal. She tells him that she knows he’s been spying on her daughter, and she will press charges. Barry acts like he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. He tries to console her, but she threatens to call the police.
Middle: Tina’s kids come in from playing outside. Barry leaves. The kids don’t understand why he’s leaving and want him to stay.
End: Tina’s kids are upset and blame her for kicking him out like she’s done all the other guys they liked. They don’t let Tina explain and accuse her of being a bad mom. Her daughter runs away to find Barry. Now Tina is afraid that he’ll hurt Jayla. Tina has regret from how she’s gone from man to man in the past up until now. If Barry hurts Jayla, Tina feels she’s the one responsible.
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT, JAYLA’S BEDROOM – DAY
Tina angrily unhooks the camera from Jayla’s stuffed toy. Barry walks in the room.
BARRY: There you are. Get packed. We’re going to Vegas. Booked a flight and an appointment at a wedding chapel. Let’s do this.
TINA: How long have you been watching my daughter?
BARRY: What?
Tina throws the camera at him.
BARRY: What’s this?
TINA: If you’re not out in sixty seconds I’m calling the police.
BARRY: This camera’s not mine! I don’t know what you’re talking about!
Tina takes off the engagement ring and throws it at him.
TINA: I’m done. I’m so done. Yeah, I put up with the hitting for a minute, but spying on my daughter –
BARRY: I’m not spying on your daughter, Tina! I’m not a pervert!
TINA: I see the way you look at her, I see how you hug her, I see –
Barry aggressively approaches Tina and is about to strike her.
TINA: Do it and I’m calling the cops! Do it!
Barry backs off. A door slams in the bg. Jayla and Daylen sprint in the room.
BARRY: Who wants to go to Vegas?
JAYLA: I do!
DAYLEN: Me too!
TINA: We’re not going to Vegas, Barry. Get out or we will.
JAYLA: What’s going on?
BARRY: Your mom wants me out, Jayla. I better get out.
DAYLEN: What?
Barry leaves the room.
JAYLA: What did you do, Mom?
TINA: Be quiet, Jayla.
JAYLA: What did you do this time?!
TINA: I said quiet!
A door SLAMS in the bg. Jayla and Daylen dart to the living room. Tina follows.
LIVING RROM – CONTINUOUS
Jayla and Daylen watch Barry from the window. He drives off. Daylen cries. Jayla tries to go after him, but Tina stops her.
JAYLA: Let me go! I want my daddy!
TINA: He’s not your daddy.
JAYLA: Let me go!
TINA: Jayla, no, he’s not a good man. Listen to me, me dating Barry was a mistake.
JAYLA: That’s what you always say! I want my daddy!
TINA: Stop it, Jayla! You know darn well Barry’s not your dad. Stop it!
JAYLA: It’s not fair!
TINA: I’ll show you what’s not fair. Wait till you see what he’s been putting in your toys.
Tina goes back to Jayla’s bedroom.
Jayla: Don’t worry, Daylen, I’ll get Daddy back.
Jayla runs out of the apartment. Tina returns with the stuffed animal and camera. She anxiously looks around for Jayla.
TINA: Where’s Jayla?
DAYLEN: She went to get Daddy back.
Tina sprints outside.
EXT. TINA’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Tina frantically searches for Jayla.
TINA: Jayla! Jayla!
Jayla is nowhere in sight. Tina falls to her knees crying and praying.
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Angelina Fluehler – Act 3 Turning Point – completed Act 3
“What I learned doing this assignment
is…?” Thanks for the examples with matrix as they are very useful. I
definitely follow the structure
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