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Day 16 Assignments
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Marian’s Amazing Opening Scene!
What I learned doing this assignment is, that it is very helpful to brainstorm different versions of the first scene. Even if I don’t use them, I can still use them later if needed or incorporate the scenes elsewhere.
ORIGINAL OPENING
In the original opening, divers are attacked by a shark. The attack sets the story in motion and introduces the genre. It’s sort of a cliché but also a genre convention to start a shark thriller with a shark attack. In the current version of the scene, however, the attack does not seem fresh and spectacular enough. Also, I want to introduce the Nazi Submarine set.SETUP/TWIST OPENING
FLASHBACK: Lisanna is a loving mother at the 5th birthday party of her daughter Mia. Mia is happy, blows out the candles on her cake and gets presents. Everything seems perfect. The happy mood is abruptly interrupted when a special police squad enters and arrests Lisanna in front of her shocked daughter.
UNIQUE CHARACTER OPENING / ACTION OPENING
FLASHBACK: Lisanna at a campaign of environmental activists. Her boyfriend Julian (later antagonist) is part of the group. They want to blow up a pipeline. The detonator is activated. Unexpectedly, passers-by appear. Lisanna wants to defuse the bomb, but it is too late. The bomb explodes and injures some passers-by, including a little girl. Lisanna is shocked.
SHOCKING OPENING
Dangerous sharks are brought to an offshore drilling station. Antagonist Julian oversees the unloading. A worker questions what they are doing and criticizes Julian. Unnoticed by the other men, Julian pushes him into one of the shark tanks and watches as the man is mauled by sharks while pretending to try to help him.
Although I like the alternative beginnings, especially the arrest of Lisanna at Mia’s birthday, I decided (for now) to stick with the genre-standard shark-attack beginning because I think it is the beginning the readers expect. I will improve the attack to make it more provocative and surprising.
ORIGINAL SCENE:
INT. UNDERWATER CAVE – DAY
Deep blue, almost black. Only the beam of a diver’s lamp penetrates the darkness of the sediment-strewn waters of the underground cave.A DIVER marks something on the rock and sets a large underwater drill. The powerful drill eats into the rock, slightly shaking the vault.
Suddenly, the diver is rammed by a tremendous force. For a fraction of a second, we can guess what he sees before he passes out: A GIANT SHARK!
The drill slips, injuring the diver. Blood mixes with water, obscuring his vision.
Huge teeth claw into human flesh. The diver is torn to pieces by the shark.
TITLE: “SHARK ABYSS”
REWRITTEN OPENING
INT. UNDERWATER CAVE – DAY
Deep black water. A beam of light illuminates a faded swastika. In the murk, the outline of an old, rusted Nazi submarine.
TWO DIVERS open the old boarding hatch and dive inside the submarine.
Unnoticed, a BIG SHADOW flits by.
INT. OLD SUBMARINE – DAY
The divers look around the submarine. A ghostly atmosphere. Rusty weapons, documents, and explosives!
One of the men grabs an old Wehrmacht stick grenade.
A LOUD, THUMPING blow.
The diver drops the grenade in shock. Panic in the eyes of the men. Followed by EERIE SILENCE.
AGAIN, SOMETHING RAMS with force against the hatch leading to the torpedo bay. Spellbound, the men look to the hatch. What the hell is going on here?
WHAMMM! With incredible force, the hatch is torn from its hinges. The massive iron door hurls forward. Hits one of the divers hard, jamming him.
The diver under the heavy iron door tries to free himself while his partner shines a light into the darkness of the torpedo room. Nothing to see.
But something lurks in the darkness…
Then a HUGE SHARK shoots out and RAMS the diver with the torch. The man loses consciousness. The other diver grabs his harpoon. Aims at the shark.
In a flash, the giant shark turns and hurls the unconscious man with a tremendous TAILWHIP toward the diver with the harpoon.
The unconscious man is impaled by the harpoon. The shark races toward the trapped diver. A huge mouth with rows of razor-sharp teeth…
PANICALLY the diver grabs the STICK GRENADE and ignites it the moment the shark reaches him.
A tremendous EXPLOSION shakes the submarine.
TITLE: “SHARK ABYSS”
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Lisa’s Amazing Opening Scene
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how incredibly important the opening scene is, so it must be the absolute best it can be. I love considering all the options to make this happen.
Logline: A homeless teenage orphan, chasing her dream of becoming the next Adele, must survive the streets of L.A. and the pursuit of the criminal who killed her family.
SYNOPSIS OF THREE OTHER POSSIBLE SCENARIOS
I have worked on the teaser below for a very long time and feel this final version is the best it can be and expresses what the viewer needs to know in the best way. In my estimation, my opening scene (teaser) already encompasses seven out of the ten ways to make an opening scene fantastic, which are:
1. Instant Conflict Opening
2. Contrast Opening
4. The Setup/Twist Opening
6. The unique character
8. Plunge us deep into a unique world
9. Intriguing scene from another place in the movie (TV series)
10. The “trick” opening
The three that are left are:
3. The Shocking Opening
5. The VO that’s unusual
7. The action opening
Since this is a TV series that will continue on for many seasons, I don’t feel that “The Shocking Opening” works because I want to introduce the audience to the heroine, Clare. “The VO” changes the entire tone of the series, and I don’t want to do that. Finally, the action opening could work, but it wouldn’t convey Clare’s dream of being a global superstar.
I am excited about my teaser/opening scene, but I am open to and invite any thoughts/insights on other scenarios. One caveat: I am a screenwriter, not a lyricist. Please do not hold the lyrics against me 😉
TEASER
FADE IN
INT. L.A.’S SOFI STADIUM – NIGHT
A young, twenty-something couple is sharing a long, wildly passionate kiss. They are so close, holding each other so tight, they are almost one person as the girl wraps her legs around the guy’s waist. Their kiss begins to slow down, their eyes open and lips unlock. They smile, gradually re-entering the chaotic world that surrounds them. They’re two people sandwiched between thousands of screaming fans on the Los Angeles SoFi Stadium floor. As they come up for air, they join the screaming chants.
CONCERT CROWD
A-RI-A! A-RI-A! A-RI-A!
CONCERT GIRL
I can’t believe it, babe!! This is so incredible!! Thank you so much for getting tickets to Aria’s concert!!
CONCERT GUY
Happy birthday, babe!
She hops up on his shoulders as he bends down and hoists her up above the crowd.
SUPER: SOFI STADIUM LOS ANGELES, CA
The stadium is jammed to capacity and charged with intense energy because tonight is the event millions have been waiting for… the sold-out debut tour of recording mega-star, Aria. Aria is beloved not only for her incredible voice and musical talent but for her personal journey to stardom, a story unlike any other.
The stadium is aglow in the dark with thousands of cell phone lights and TV cameras around the arena waiting for their cue. The stage footlights flicker, signaling that the show is about to start and the excited buzz turns into applause and cheers with wild anticipation. A bright spotlight hits center stage like a lightning bolt and the crowd goes wild.
CONCERT CROWD
A-RI-A! A-RI-A! A-RI-A! A-RI-A! A-RI-A! A-RI-A!
Then appears an incredible surprise for the audience as the one and only HARRY STYLES steps into the spotlight. Glittery, feathery, dripping with charisma, he raises his arms high and wide, welcoming the audience. The crowd loses it. He bows and places his hands over his heart. He throws kisses to the screaming audience and grabs the microphone.
HARRY STYLES
You weren’t expecting me, were you?
He laughs as the audience explodes with excitement, a million fans screaming “HAR-RY! HAR-RY!”
HARRY STYLES
Thank you! You guys are amazing!
A tidal wave of cheers and screams crashes over the stage, drowning out his voice. He holds his finger up to his lips in an effort to quiet the audience down.
HARRY STYLES
I want to tell you a secret.
Again, the gigantic wave of noise crashes over the stage, but Harry waits, holding his finger up to his lips again.
HARRY STYLES
I’m here tonight because I wanted to be the one to introduce you to this incredible woman, this goddess with the golden voice.
The crowd roars with excitement.
HARRY STYLES
She’s my good friend, an amazing artist, and SHE! IS! A SURVIVOR!
He raises his fist above his head triumphantly as they all raise their fists high and scream.
HARRY STYLES
This woman has rocked my world, and now she’s going to rock yours! Please welcome for the first time anywhere… ARIA!!
Insanity grips the crowd as Harry walks off the stage and a golden-pink spotlight center-stage illuminates the glittering megastar, ARIA, 21, posing atop a slowly rising, slowly rotating pillar center stage.
A deep base beat begins pounding and the stage is engulfed in pink and gold lights. Aria’s beautiful face sparkles in the spotlight and her body is surrounded by a halo of golden mist. She takes a deep, slow breath and begins to sing her hit song, “Fire of Love.”
ARIA
(singing)
Intoxicate me
Purify me
Revolutionize me
Fire of love
Aria steps down from the pillar as she sings and stands with her high-heeled feet spread out firmly in a warrior stance. The crowd goes crazy as her voice rings across the stadium like a siren.
ARIA
(singing)
I can do anything
I’ll overcome anything
Death has no power here
Driven by the fire of love
Aria saunters over to her beloved fans at the edge of the stage, swaying with the music as she bends down to touch their outstretched hands. She walks the length of the stage smiling, singing, touching hands. She is living her dream.
A fan at the edge of the stage suddenly reaches for Aria’s foot, grabs her ankle and holds fast. Dangerously close to tripping, Aria steadies herself and looks down at the fan. WHAT?? Who IS this? A nasty old woman. Wild eyes. No teeth. This horrible troll grabs hard, screaming and trying to yank off her shoe.
NASTY OLD WOMAN
Shoes! Give me your shoes! I need your shoes!
Aria teeters in her high heels with horror. She looks up hoping someone will come to her rescue, but no one seems to notice. In fact, the massive sea of fans is fading away. Hopping on one foot, she yanks her other foot out of the disgusting woman’s clutches and steadies herself. Then, reality hits. Gone are her gorgeous outfit and glittery high heels, replaced by a pair of dirty stretch pants, t-shirt, and beaten-up tennis shoes. No more Harry Styles; no more concert. She awakes from her daydream of superstardom.
REVEAL: Homeless orphan, CLARE DAMIANO AKA ARIA, 17, steps over the nasty old woman lying on the sidewalk under a dirty tarp and continues walking down Venice Boulevard looking more like the walking dead than a Billboard 100 diva.
It’s dusk in Santa Monica. The last rays of the sun will soon be gone and give way to another night of frantic survival on the streets. Clare must make it back to her shelter as soon as possible.
END TEASER
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