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Day 15 Assignments
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MARIAN’S AMAZING 3RD ACT – SHARK ABYSS
What I learned doing this assignment is, that the ending needs special attention, as I tend to write it as fast as possible to get the screenplay done.
ACTS 1 & 2
Shark expert LISANNA is to clarify whether a death near the German island of Helgoland is an attack by dangerous bull sharks. Their client JULIAN’S company is to dispose of a large number of explosives in a previously unknown World War II submarine bunker under the island. Lisanna fears for the island where her 15-year-old daughter MIA lives together with Lisanna’s ex-husband CLAAS. Diving in the submarine cave, Lisanna is attacked. A shark kills the attacker, triggering an explosion that causes the whole bunker system under the island, including the parts open to Tourists, to sink.
Lisanna comes across a group of survivors in the bunkers: Tourists led by her daughter Mia. Water is flooding the bunkers and the group is attacked by sharks. Lisanna must face the battle with the sharks to save the group, especially her daughter, who is estranged from her. While Lisanna is defusing a bomb, Claas sacrifices himself for Mia. Lisanna can kill the remaining sharks but is trapped in the submarine, where the detonator of the bomb explodes. Lisanna has saved Mia and the island, but we have no idea if she is alive or dead.
ACT 3 / 7 RULES CHECK
The ending (ACT 3) of the script changes to different locations and elements. Lisanna seems to be dead, the danger is rising by a new plan of Julian’s father (mega-ton bomb), and Julian, as a ruthless human antagonist, intervenes directly in the action. An even more dangerous shark appears for the final battle. Lisanna must save Mia from the human antagonist and the dangerous shark to ultimately win her love and respect. These are strong elements, as strong as the battles in the bunker, but different. These elements need to be worked out much more as they are right now in the not rewritten draft.
BEATS:
41. The island and most of the bunker survived the muffled explosion. In the news, Lisanna is accused of being guilty of the attack.
MORE ENGAGING: Mia has lost her father; her mother Lisanna seems to be dead. Now Lisanna is made out to be a criminal. Special focus must be placed on Mia’s emotional situation. We see news interviews on TV. The TV team may also appear in person to put even more pressure on Mia.
42. Mia and the other survivors are taken to the Future Star. Julian’s father plans to detonate a bigger bomb to destroy the island.
MORE SURPRISE: We know there is another, even bigger plan, but it is better to see it (show, don’t tell). Julian’s father could appear in person.
43. Miraculously, Lisanna has survived. She dives into the diving lock of Future Star to free Mia. Julian holds Mia in his power and wants to throw both of them to the sharks. We learn that Julian plans to convert all of Helgoland into an oil production platform, using explosives and sharks to keep tourists away. The plan was to use Lisanna as a scapegoat all along.
MORE JEOPARDY: It is shown too soon that Lisanna is still alive, more emotion and tension can be achieved. Lisanna sees Mia enter the Future Star, the search for her daughter is over too quickly. The personal connection between Lisanna and Julian is a new beat and should be expanded to make Julian more dangerous and create more emotion. Julian’s plan for rebuilding the island into an oil rig should be seen as a model (show, don’t tell). Especially the most dangerous shark he presents has to have something that makes it worthy to be the final shark opponent.
44. Julian’s ego is so big that he brags about his plans. Lisanna is streaming this confession live to the media, making sure to stop Julian and his father. Lisanna distracts the shark with her knowledge of the sharks in her lab and frees Mia. Julian faces a horrible death as Lisanna can trap him and the shark in the same cage.
MORE SURPRISE: Lisanna must save Mia in a hard-hitting battle that must challenge her even more. The idea that she exposes Julian by live streaming his statements isn’t particularly new. Lisanna might be forced to prove that she is innocent in the end, so the danger and pressure can be increased again. Maybe she achieves everything else, but she doesn’t succeed in the end to clear her name, or not yet complete.
45. Lisanna has saved her daughter and the island and is hailed as the hero of Helgoland. She moves into Claas’ lighthouse with Mia. Lisanna and her mother have found each other again.
MORE EMOTION: This scene is the heart of the ending and should be much more emotional. We have to be moved to tears.
46. Tourists are sightseeing around Helgoland in a boat. There are no more dangerous sharks. But… a large fin appears and heads for the small boat…
DEPARTURE: This scene is necessary, but somehow feels tacked on. I’m trying to tie the two ending scenes, Lisanna and Mia finding together at Claas’ grave and a surviving shark attacking, together to create a stronger overall ending scene.
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Lisa’s Amazing 3<sup>rd</sup> Act
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is… I found this assignment difficult to apply 100% to a TV pilot because all the loose ends are not tied up by the 4<sup>th</sup> act and the story is meant to continue. I am open to advice on how to better apply, and I did the best I could. However, it was still helpful with respect to having key checkpoints in each act and elevating the quality through those checkpoints.
Logline: A homeless teenage orphan, chasing her dream of becoming the next Adele, must survive the streets of L.A. and the pursuit of the criminal who killed her family.
DESCRIPTION:
The setups for the ending contained in Acts One and Two are primarily planting seeds of doubt that Christian Santiago is conducting himself with transparency and integrity, and the gradual revelations that Margaret, someone who should be caring and compassionate, despises her niece, Clare, and is emotionally abusing her.
THE BEATS OF THE SCENE:
INT. THE CORNER POCKET – NIGHT
Christian sits by himself at the bar. An older woman, a “cougar”, seats herself one chair over from Christian and tries to flirt with him. He resists at first, but then warms up to her. Their conversation, muted by the sound of the margarita blender, looks suspicious.
EXT. SANTIAGO HOUSE – NIGHT
Christian arrives home to his sleep-deprived, “new mom” wife holding him at gunpoint, accusing him of cheating on her. He denies it completely and they argue, which ends with Christian sending her to bed to get some sleep. He watches the evening news report at the site of the Damiano’s tragedy.
INT. DIVINE MERCY HOSPITAL – DAY
Margaret and Dr. Bartolomeo clash over Clare’s treatment. Margaret reveals her reluctance and disdain for fulfilling her legal obligation to be Clare’s legal guardian and caretaker, and makes the bold suggestion they send Clare to a mental institution.
INT. KENNEDY HOME – DAY
Margaret takes her first step into emotionally abusing Clare when she brings her home, dumps her in a guestroom, and leaves her on her own without so much as setting basic expectations.
INT. CLARE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Clare is reunited with her long-lost cousin, Blake, who is much more sympathetic to Clare about her situation, but still rather callous and removed.
EXT. PARK – DAY
Unbeknownst to Jayna, someone in the bushes is photographing her and the baby as they stroll through the park.
INT. KENNEDY HOME – DAY
Natalie, Clare’s best friend, arrives to visit Clare. Their conversation results begins with Clare sharing her struggle to want to live, and results in Clare singing her sorrows out at Margaret’s grand piano while Natalie live broadcasts it on Tiktok. Margaret and Phillip come home and ruin the whole thing.
EXT. KENNEDY BACKYARD – DAY
Clare and Natalie wrap up their long, heavy, emotional day. Clare’s video is going viral on the internet, which offers her hope and she promises to make an effort to go on.
After checking this act against the 7 Rules, I feel my Act Three is strong and provides good setups for my ending.
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