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Day 6 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
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11 Replies
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Kenneth Wood
The Santa Brotherhood
Logline: A timid employee of a mega outdoor store joins a secret society of Santa’s founded by Saint Nicholas, and labors with them to establish an outreach program for kids in the highest crime area of the city.
CHARACTER INTROS:
NOTES: I my original draft, I waited until much later in the story for ABE, BOB and CAL to share their backgrounds: Abe – Marine vet, Cal – Mixed Martial Arts, Bob – Hell’s Angels, I altered my character intros to bring the hint of those right up front. Their intros are now much more contrasting and provocative. “What are these guys doing playing store Santas listening to what little kids want for Christmas? What are they really up to? I modified Doug’s assessment of them to reflect this contrast between tough guys and nice guys.
I also added in Doug’s description of himself how insecure he felt his job was, even though he was a top store designer for the mega store chain. “[I’m as] safe as a moth near a bug zapper. That’s me.”
ABE, BOB, CAL
Three husky guys with Santa-like white beards, ABE, BOB and CAL(50s and 60s), strut past them. Their t-shirts reflect their rugged backgrounds: Abe – Marine vet, Cal – MMA, Bob – Hell’s Angels. Their garment bags carry Santa suits inside.
ABE
Hello, Sam.
MANAGER
Here are my Santas, Abe, Bob, Cal.
DOUG
The Santas find DOUG GLENN(50s) up on a scissor lift, spraying a towering tree. Five more trees wait to be done. A large throne for Santa is at the center, flanked by North Pole decor and animal taxidermy.
CAL
Hey, Doug!
Doug doesn’t hear him. Bob WHISTLES. Doug looks down. Traces of flock are in his hair, eyebrows, and on his N-95 mask. He pulls out bluetooth earbuds.
DOUG
Hi, guys. Just got a little Christmas mood music on. These also keep the flock out of my ears.
ABE
Look at this set. Wow!
BOB/CAL
Fantastic! Amazing!
DOUG
Thanks. It’s killing me, but it’s all for a good cause, right? Doin’ it for the kids, not corporate.
He lowers the lift and steps out. He takes off his mask to reveal a white mustache and goatee. The Santa’s look surprised at him, then at one another.
ABE
Doug.
DOUG
What?
BOB
You’ve gone white.
DOUG
I did five years ago. I’m just finally embracing it. Family budget cuts, if you want the truth.
ABE
And you’ve plumped up a bit.
CAL
No budget cut there, huh?
DOUG
It’s those darn meds.
A half-eaten, Ho Ho Cupcake package falls off the lift next to him. Doug steps to hide it and kicks it underneath the lift. Cal and Bob roll their eyes at each other.
ABE
You’re beginning to look more and more like us. You should join us.
DOUG
Ha. Apparently, I can grow belly fat, but not a full beard.
CAL
There’s yak hair for that.
DOUG
Animal hair on my face? Not a personal hygiene goal.
The Santas keep nodding.
ABE/BOB
Yep. Uh huh.
DOUG
Aw, come on, guys. You’re serious?
CAL
Why not? It’s for a higher purpose.
Doug thinks, as he picks up a box of flock cans and puts it on the lift.
DOUG
I can sum up my life’s purpose in three words, Don’t screw up. Retail work doesn’t pay much, and you never know when layoffs are coming. The mortgage payments and medical bills keep rolling in, though.
ABE
Surely, Outdoor Adventure World’s top decor designer is safe.
DOUG
Safe as a moth near a bug zapper. That’s me.
DOUG’s reaction to the Santas:
DOUG
There go the coolest, tough guys this side of the North Pole.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Kenneth Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Kenneth Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Kenneth Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Kenneth Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Kenneth Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by
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Marian Redmann Character Intros – Shark Abyss
What I learned doing this assignment is that this is a fast and fun to do process to come up with better character introductions.
1. Bull Shark – Antagonist
– attacks diver
– kills diver
NEW: Build the Character’s reputation:
– the divers are afraid of something
– they are investigating damage to a facility
– they see something rammed with great force against their previous work and speculate what it could be
– judging by the damage, it must be devastating, big and fast
– in the darkness there seems to be something
– it seems like a huge shark, but that’s impossible, these sharks do not exists there
2. Lisanna – Protagonist
– drives old used car
– wears business outfit that is not quite stalk-proof
– has to work at the Marine Institute instead of spending the weekend with her daughter
– quarrels with her daughter
– tries to please everyone
– is not afraid of dangerous sharks
– can communicate with sharks secretly
– obeys her arrogant boss without any argument
NEW: Action shows primary traits
– Lisanna at the Marine Institute, she wants to leave Mia with the janitor, Mia complains to her mother that she doesn’t have time for her
– Lisanna notices that something is wrong with the shark
– Mia complains that Lisanna is more interested in the sharks than in her daughter
– Something is broken in the shark pool, the janitor does not dare to fix it, the specialists do not come, it is soon too late
– Lisanna jumps into the pool to the sharks
– Mia and the janitor are shocked and worried
– Julian sees it and runs to the pool to distract the shark
– Lisanna is able to save the shark
– Mia is angry with her mother, but happy that she is back from the shark pool alive.
– Lisanna’s outfit is ruined; she is not too happy to see Julian, they know each other from before
3. Mia – Protagonists daughter
– has put stickers on the car of her mother
– knows everything better
– is snotty and makes her mother feel guilty
– calls her father to annoy her mother
NEW: Action shows primary traits
– Mia complains that her mother doesn’t have enough time for her because she has to earn money and because she doesn’t do enough for the environment
– she finds her mother’s behavior irresponsible and knows everything better
– MAYBE: she films her mother diving into the shark basin and posts the video later to put herself in a better light for her Instagram environmental channel and to collect clicks
4. Julian – Antagonist
– observes everything and does not let himself look into the cards
– basks in the reputation of being the son of his influential, powerful father
– behaves sovereignly self-confident and arrogant
NEW: Action shows primary traits
– Julian examines situations calm and precise
– He races to help Lisanna and distract the shark
– he is charming and self-confident
– MAYBE: Mia’s boss praises Julians great deeds, presents him as a visionary who has turned his back on his father’s company and is now doing a lot for the environment
5. Claas – Protagonist Ex-Partner
– lives in a lighthouse and does not care about appearances
– hearty nature boy
– warmly embraces his daughter
– defends Lisanna from Mia, although Lisanna has left him
NEW: Action shows primary traits
– Claas cuts a big tree
– shoulders a trunk and carries it bare-chested to the lighthouse (Commando style)
– The helicopter brings Mia
– Mia is thrilled to see her father
– Claas has caught fish and wants to make a campfire with Mia
– Mia reminds him that it’s time for his lighthouse duty
– she also wants to see Sophia, her best friend today
– he has completely forgotten about his work and also that Mia wanted to go to Sophia today, thinks he is lost without Mia
– he wants to finish his work quickly so that he can make the campfire for her before she goes to Sophia’s house
NEW INTRODUCTION SCENE (translated from German language)
EXT. MARINE INSTITUTE – DAY
Luxury cars parked in front of the elegant institute. A bit aside a rust bucket with “Save the environment” stickers. We guess who owns the rust bucket.
MIA (V.O.)
Mom, we wanted to go to the demo! Do you always have to take care of those stupid sharks?
INT. SHARK TANK – DAY
LISANNA, in a not so stylish business outfit, hurries around the basin, her daughter MIA trotting sullenly behind. JANITOR HENRY pokes around the pool with a long pole.
LISANNA
Henry, can you watch Mia for a minute?
Suddenly a SHARK shoots out, just past Lisanna and Mia and bites into the pole. Henry is scared to death, ashen-faced he backs away.
Mia is speechless. Lisanna leans over the edge of the pool and peers into the basin, where the shark could jump out again at any moment.
LISANNA
Freddy is a bit too aggressive…
MIA
Mama, come away from there!
HENRY
Not my job to get eaten!
Lisanna is now holding a HAND IN THE WATER!
MIA
MOM!!
LISANNA
Way too warm… he won’t survive….
HENRY
The valve for the heat pump is stuck. Called about an hour ago….
LISANNA
The only way to fix it is in the pool….
HENRY
You want me to go in there? No way!
Lisanna looks around hastily, sees the janitor’s toolbox, takes off her jacket and shoes.
HENRY
You’re not going to…
MIA
Are you crazy, mom??
LISANNA
If we don’t do something now, Freddy is dead.
Lisanna hands Henry her jacket, grabs a pipe wrench, a wrench, and some wire.
MIA
The shark has gone completely nuts….
LISANNA
Just distract him a bit.
Lisanna jumps into the water.
MIA
(panicked, yelling)
How are we going to distract a shark???
INT. SHARK TANK – DAY
Lisanna dives to the valve, checks the temperature. Almost burns her hand. Sets the screwdriver and hammers it into the valve with the pipe wrench.
FREDDY, the shark, is irritated, turns and starts circling Lisanna.
EXT. ENTRANCE AREA INSTITUTE – DAY
Behind the reception area, you can see into the pool through a large glass window.
JULIAN, a smartly dressed businessman in his mid-30s, stands in front of a LEGO diorama of the Institute, pauses, rebuilds a detail, smiles. Now it’s true to reality.
MARIA, the secretary, drops her cup from her hand in shock.
MARIA
Lisanna, bloody hell.
Julian sees Lisanna in the water. Remains calm, assesses the situation.
JULIAN
What’s the fastest way to get to the pool?
INT. SHARK TANK – DAY
Lisanna turns the screwdriver with the pliers and takes the wire.
A giant shadow approaches her. Freddy looks at Lisanna with hostility, approaches threateningly.
EXT. SHARK TANK – DAY
Mia is in a frenzy, yelling at the Henry.
MIA
My God, do something!
Julian runs in to the tank.
JULIAN
(to Mia)
Easy.
He sticks his hand into the pool and waves it around loosely. Freddy pauses, sees the swirls in the water, and turns toward Julian.
JULIAN
Sharks respond to vibrations.
INT. SHARK TANK – DAY
Lisanna knots the wire provisionally. Checks the temperature with her hand.
Freddy suddenly steps on the gas and races toward the edge of the pool toward Lisanna!
He shoots past her and heads for Julian’s hand.
EXT. SHARK TANK – DAY
Julian pulls his hand out just in time.
JULIAN
I still need that!
Lisanna pops up at the edge of the pool and gets out.
Freddy calms down again and dives down.
MIA
(to Lisanna)
Are you completely stupid?
Mia runs towards her, crying.
MIA
Don’t ever do that again!
She clutches her mother.
LISANNA
Sharks are more afraid of us than we are —
MIA
Don’t give me that shit!
LISANNA
I couldn’t let Freddy die after all….
Lisanna, soaking wet and deranged, sees Julian.
JULIAN
Lisanna. Still a little too brave.
LISANNA
Julian)
JULIAN
Saved your life again.
LISANNA
I’m doing just fine without you.
MIA
Does anyone ever ask me how I feel? I’m totally traumatized!
The director of the institute, PROF. INGA KRATZHAIN bursts in.
PROF. KRATZHAIN
Lisanna, I’m looking for you everywhere.
Prof. Kratzhain pauses, looks at the deranged Lisanna.
PROF. KRATZHAIN
What do you look like?
She sees Julian.
PROF. KRATZHAIN
Oh. Julian! Meet our shark expert, Lisanna Dorn.
LISANNA
We’ve met before, Inga.
MIA
My mom just saved a shark!
🦈🦈🦈
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Marian Redmann.
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Marian. These are all great elevations, not only of your character’s introductions, but their personalities as well.
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Thank you Ken, I really like your character intro with the T-shirts, these guys sticked in my mind alone from this one sentence! Perfectly done!!
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I just added a note to better explain why I made the changes.
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I see, this was changed because of the assignment! Well done, Ken! It needs to be there to grab us right away. And it worked perfect grabbing me right from the first sentence! I instantly want to know what causes these guys to become Santas! 🎅🎅🎅
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by
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Marie’s Character Introductions
While completing the assignment, I discovered two things:
One, I worked hard on Ramon’s introduction in the previous draft, and it paid off. The intro works well and does exactly what I wanted it to do. Two, Antonio’s intro was a nothing burger. As in, there’s almost nothing there. Maria’s was also in bad shape. I opted not to change Ramon’s, and work on Maria’s instead, but I can list Ramon’s beats for you.
Ramon Madera
1. After Zabala exorcizes the ghosts of the mother and child, sending them screaming into the night, we cut to Ramon, mid 40s. He wakes up screaming. The cries of the mother and child still ring in the air around him.
2. Looks around the rough tent, still shaking and covered in sweat. It’s just after dawn.
3. He checks on Eulalia – still asleep – gives her a tender kiss and rolls out of bed.
4. Reaches for his Mexican cavalry uniform. As each piece of clothing goes on, he feels calmer, more confident. This isn’t just a uniform – it’s emotional armor.
5. Once dressed, he tugs at the coat, checking for wrinkles. There are none. He looks impeccable. He is the face of the newly installed Mexican Republic. And his job is to make it look good. Exits the tent.
6. He sits at a portable desk outside while his men break camp, writing a letter to General Guerrero. In it, he confesses that he’s worried that his efforts won’t be enough to shore up the fragile infant republic. He hears a faint echo of the mother and child again. His pen hesitates, then keeps going.
7. Sergeant Lopez approaches and confirms that this is the last mission they visit, and Ramon says yes. He’s been dreading this visit and it shows.
My goal here was to tease the link between Ramon and the ghosts and give a sense of his trauma and use of self-control as coping mechanism. I brainstormed other ways to do it to fulfill the assignment, but none worked as well as this one. It’s not flashy, but this is a ghost story, and this intro is creepy, it’s emotionally evocative, and it hits every one of his traits listed in the character profile. The visuals are great too – I set the camp in an old growth redwood forest. I have plans to send this to a specific director/producer who has offered to read something from me, and this is right up his alley. It stays.
Now, we move on to the others.
Original introductions:
Antonio Alvarez
1. Antonio is described as fit despite his age. Then, a detailed description of his over-the-top Californio outfit – it is a display of wealth and power. (This description is designed to give you a sense of his pride in his Californio heritage and grandiose personality, but it falls flat.)
2. Antonio works the room at the party. Flirts with Eulalia and gives Ramon a back-handed compliment – his uniform is so fancy that he could almost be mistaken for full-blooded Spanish.
That’s it. Nothing burger.
And Maria’s is worse.
Maria Alvarez de Madera
1. In the early draft, we don’t see her until page 31, sitting by Enrique as he’s dying, already spitting venom at Ramon about the ranch. She’s escorted away. She’s described as having a face that’s pinched and bitter.
Not even a nothing burger. More like a wilted piece of broccoli on an otherwise empty plate.
I brainstormed new ways to introduce these characters. Given that Ramon is the protagonist, it would only slow the pacing to divert to a different location when introducing them, so I have to keep it at the Mission. I decided that the introductions for Antonio at the party made him blend in with the other characters too much, so I chose instead to do it before Ramon arrives, while everyone is waiting for him.
Antonio:
(Everyone milling around, buzzing with anticipation. Guests are rare here.)
A man steps into their midst, well into his late forties but still trim and muscled. He lifts his lasso and spins around, pushing the crowd back to create a makeshift stage, his flirty smile full of mischievous promise. He keeps his poncho swept back to show off a velvet coat, elaborately etched botas, and a waistcoat festooned with an obscene number of gleaming gold buttons. The epitome of a wealthy and powerful Californio.
This is ANTONIO ALVAREZ.
The crowd oohs and aahs. They have seen this show before, and they love it.
Whirls the lasso into motion and launches into a display of prowess, the rope spinning around him like a dance partner. His motions call to mind a matador, smooth and precise.
The crowd cheers, whooping their approval. Antonio bows with a flourish, eating up the adulation.
The Mission bell rings and someone yells out, He’s coming!
Everyone rushes to the front of the Mission, leaning forward as they watch the road. Antonio is left alone, his smile fading away.
People sort themselves into groups automatically – Californio families front and center, native workers lined up in rigid rows, flanked by a handful of guards and the two friars, and a ragtag band of vaqueros, loitering on the edges of the crowd.
Antonio pushes through to the front, taking his rightful place beside his father.
(Applauds politely during the speech, not bothering to hide his boredom.)
This does indeed allow him to burst onto the scene in all his grandiose and attention-seeking glory. It’s splashy and colorful, and there is a nice sense of symmetry between this and Ramon’s description. I talk about Ramon’s uniform in detail and then do the same for Antonio’s outfit, underscoring the contrast between the two men. This is worlds better than the old intro.
Maria:
I opted to introduce Maria at the beginning of the party:
MARIA ALVAREZ DE MADERA, 44, sweeps through the revelry, working the room with abandon. She doesn’t get to do this nearly as much as she would like.
Her eyes flash and her lace fan flutters like a swarm of butterflies, in a calculated artifice of delicacy. In her youth, every man in the room would have been panting for her, but the years have betrayed her, stripping away her softness and leaving only sharp edges and unyielding stone. In truth, the steel was always underneath, but she preferred the illusion. Using the dagger without the cloak is no fun at all.
She drops a compliment here, a joke with the musicians there, then homes in tonight’s prey: Ramon.
I’ve written some dialogue for her here, but this scene requires that I weave her into an ongoing discussion between several other characters, which is proving tricky. Either way, she flirts with Ramon and tries to get him to stare at her with longing as he once did, but he barely looks at her. Then, she waits for the band to strike up a song, declares it’s always been his favorite, and drags him onto the dance floor. She’s a terrific dancer, and she goes over-the-top sexy with it, talking to him about old times. He doesn’t take the bait and rejects her outright. When the dance is over, he leans over her hand but doesn’t touch it with his lips. And now her father and husband are both angry because she made a scene and embarrassed them.
Granted, this isn’t the most wildly original introduction for a character, but out of the options I brainstormed to introduce her at this party, this was the best. The old one is all dialogue. This gives her some action, and gives you a sense of the unpredictability, vanity, and relentlessness that are her primary traits.
Antonio’s first lines of dialogue are also at the party, and I’m still working on those.
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Assignment 6 from Joan Butler
What I learned: Characters can be introduced in a number of interesting ways.
Selma
Current Description Beats:
EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – NIGHT
A large two-story Craftsman-style house is covered in snow. Next to the front door a plaque reads, BLUE BIRD TRANSITION HOUSE.
1. The door bursts open. MOTHER (20s), a small and timid African American, hurries onto the porch and down the stairs.
She holds the hand of her daughter, SELMA (6).
INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT
SUPER: 40 YEARS LATER
Second-hand furniture has been lovingly re-imagined as shabby chic. Everything is in order and spotlessly clean.
2. Standing by the sink, SELMA (46), a compassionate African American woman, swallows pills from two prescription containers, and pours pills from a third into a carry-your-pills-container.
New Description Beats:
EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – NIGHT
A large two-story Craftsman-style house is covered in snow. Next to the front door a plaque reads, BLUE BIRD TRANSITION HOUSE.
1. The door bursts open. SELMA (6), an African American whose eyes dart around, betraying the alertness of a child who has seen too much violence, hurries onto the porch and down the stairs.
She is a few paces in front of MOTHER (20s), a small and timid African American woman.
2. Never looking back, Selma continues down a path and opens a gate.
INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT
SUPER: 40 YEARS LATER
3. Female African American hands lock a door, fasten the chain, slide across three bolts, and fit a door brace on the floor.
4. SELMA (46) wears blue flannelette pajamas and holds a small paper bag as she stands up. She is a strong, competent woman weighed down by guilt and fear who lives by 4 maxims from her years in foster care – protect yourself, be afraid of the dark, never trust authority figures, and, above all, lie when you feel insecure. She may take nitroglycerin for her heart, but her temper doesn’t need it; it explodes on its own.
Elizabeth
Other character’s reaction to this character
INT. MARK’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
ELIZABETH (40s) White, all fear and anger under a passive guise, crawls on all fours up the bed. Her naked body is shielded by a black sheet.
When she reaches her pillow, she shifts to lying on her side with her knees up. She concentrates on the picture.
MARK
You’re not crying, are you?
She turns to stone.
ELIZABETH
Of course not.
He knows when she gets like this, there is no breaking her, but he must have the last word.
MARK
You better not be.
INT. MARK’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth stands in a white satin, full length, vintage, night gown as she stares through a mullion window.
Angry, she hits the window hard. A tear rolls down her cheek.
Mark
The Character’s Philosophy: Power at any cost.
INT. MARK’S HOUSE – HALLWAY – NIGHT
Photographs of MARK (40s), a White abusive narcissist, shaking hands with powerful men, including President Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin, line the expensive wallpaper.
Gaia
Build the character’s reputation
EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY
Selma is met by GAIA (60s), a South Asian Earth Mother who exudes kindness, inspires trust, and fiercely protects the abused women in her care. She favors loose, ankle length caftans in saffron prints.
GAIA
Welcome. I’m Gaia. I started out as a support worker and now I manage all the houses.
Jasmine
The reveal:
EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVINGG ROOM – DAY
(O.S.) A NEWBORN CRY.
Elizabeth wakes from a nightmare with a start. Eyes wide, she scans the room. She quietly rises and peeks into the in-take room.
INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – INTAKE ROOM – DAY
Elizabeth sees Selma standing opposite JASMINE (17 going on 12), an Asian self-centered, immature, teen who is overwhelmed by her baby, jealous because she’s insecure, and a bully because she has no real power.
Her right arm is in a cast that extends from her knuckles past her elbow and holds her elbow at 90 degrees. She walks like a woman with a recent C-section.
A baby in a back-facing car seat, a diaper bag, an over-sized purse, and a bouquet of flowers are on the floor.
JASMINE
(angry)
These houses are always set up for babies.
SELMA
The childcare worker is sick.
Jasmine and Selma notice Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH
I heard the crying. I wanted to make sure the baby was all right.
JASMINE
Of course, she’s all right.
Jasmine tries to lift the baby but almost drops her. Elizabeth comes to her rescue.
JASMINE
I didn’t need your help. I could’ve done it.
SELMA
Could you take her to the living room while Jasmine and I sort this out?
Unsure, Jasmine sizes up Elizabeth.
SELMA
It’s okay. She’s a doctor.
JASMINE
Tell me which room is mine and you can talk to me there. I want to lie down.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Joan Butler.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Joan Butler.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by
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Lisa’s Character Story Beats
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that even when you feel confident and content regarding a scene, it’s always best to remain open-minded about other ways to write it and entertain the possibilities.
Logline: A homeless teenage orphan, chasing her dream of becoming the next Adele, must survive the streets of L.A. and the pursuit of the criminal who killed her family.
CLARE DAMIANO
Beats of Clare’s introduction
INT. CLARE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Clare is in her room getting ready for her date with Aaron.
She sings as she daydreams about being a music industry diva.
As she leaves her room to go downstairs, she says, “Not today, Clare, but someday!”
INT. CLARE’S STAIRWWELL/FOYER – NIGHT
Clare proudly descends the staircase as if she were walking the red carpet at the Grammys.
She greets Aaron with a smile and takes his hand as her mother brags about her winning the Philadelphia Rising Stars Talent Show with her own original song.
Clare and Aaron leave on their date.
CHRISTIAN SANTIAGO
Beats of Christian’s introduction
INT. CHRISTIAN’S BASEMENT HOME GYM – NIGHT
Christian enters his home gym with self-loathing, hoping to pump up his attitude through working out.
He performs a grueling workout.
Workout complete, he administers two Xanax and removes his earbuds.
INT. CHRISTIAN’S BABY’S NURSERY – NIGHT
Alerted by a baby monitor, we see his strength contrasted with tenderness as he calms his infant son.
Change: Christian’s Intro to #3 Build the Character’s reputation.
New Beats
INT. PD MEN’S ROOM – DAY
Christian stares at his reflection in the mirror with angst. He administers 2 Xanax, takes a deep breath, and walks out.
INT. PD ROLL CALL ROOM – DAY
As he enters the roll call room, all females in the room take note.
Sgt. Derek Hammond begins roll call and announces Christian as the new lead PI for the Damiano case.
Christian makes a quick statement, then greets everyone as they leave the room, including a very enthusiastic female officer.
New Scene
INT. – PHILLY POLICE DEPARTMENT MEN’S ROOM – DAY
Dark, smoldering eyes stare into the mirror; a drop of sweat trickles down the forehead. It is a moment of extreme stress for CHRISTIAN SANTIAGO, 28, a Columbian-born Chris Hemsworth. Raven hair, searing blue eyes. Built like a Roman gladiator. Dressed in a suit and tie, he stares at his own reflection in the wall-length mirror with deep dissatisfaction.
He fumbles a prescription bottle of Xanax from his pocket and takes two, chasing them with a bottle of water. He straightens his tie, tousles his hair, and clears his throat.
CHRISTIAN
(standing tall)
I got this.
INT. – PD ROLL CALL ROOM – DAY
Chief of Police DEREK HAMMOND, solid, physically fit, pushing 60, addresses a large group of police men and women from the podium. Just a few more names to complete the roll call.
SGT. HAMMOND
Sherwood?
OFFICER SHERWOOD
Here.
SGT. HAMMOND
Smith?
OFFICER SMITH
Here.
SGT. HAMMOND
Williams?
OFFICER WILLIAMS
Here.
SGT. HAMMOND
Alright. Just a few announcements before we get on with our day. All eyes shift to the left of the room as Christian quietly enters and stands against the wall. A few of the women in the room look at each other with wide eyes, squelching their smiles.
SGT. HAMMOND
So, let’s talk about last night’s devastating event. At approximately 8:30pm, the house at 12 Cedar Lane in the Fairmount Park area exploded without warning and was completely consumed by fire. Fire Chief and his crew are still at the scene as we speak.
All personnel begin taking notes.
SGT. HAMMOND
This was the home of Pennsylvania State Supreme Court Justice, Thomas Damiano.
He pauses for a moment and swallows hard.
SGT. HAMMOND
Unfortunately, he and his family were at home at the time of the explosion and it is reported there were no survivors. There is, however, an unconfirmed rumor that one of the family members was not home at the time and is over at Sacred Heart Hospital. The staff have not yet made a statement confirming this, but I expect to hear something any time.
He looks over at Christian and nods.
SGT. HAMMOND
At this time, I’d like to introduce you to our new Lead PI who will be taking over this investigation.
The women sit up straight with delight as Christian walks over to the podium.
SGT. HAMMOND
Officer Christian Santiago has been on the force at the fourteenth precinct for five years. In that time, he has served the community with integrity and has earned both the John Edgar Hoover Memorial Award and the George Fencl Award. He will be leading the investigation into the Damiano family’s deaths.
Applause from the room as Christian steps to the podium.
CHRISTIAN
Thank you, Captain.
A few of the women are whispering to each other and smiling.
CHRISTIAN
I just wanted to say that I appreciate each one of you and the risks you take every day. I will be as forthcoming as possible with the details I discover and please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have information regarding the case. I look forward to working with you and if there is any way I can help you in your job, just let me know. Thanks.
More applause as he walks back to his spot by the wall.
SGT. HAMMOND
Alright, you’ve got your orders. Be safe out there, let’s make it a good day. As the room adjourns, the personnel shuffle past Christian with words of welcome and handshakes. A beautiful female officer, 30-something JULIE MATTHEWS holds out her hand for a shake as she passes by.
OFFICER MATTHEWS
(seductively smiling)
So glad you’re here.
Christian gives a brief handshake and looks to the next person passing by.
-
Subject line: Daniel Rangel Character Intros
What I learned doing this assignment is…
Character Introductions are an opportunity to deliver compelling characters that inspire performers to play the role.
RAFAELA INTRODUCTION
NEW: Other character’s reaction to this character.
EXT. LAKESIDE ROAD – CONTINUOUS
Light snowfall. Caravans gather at the shore. A vehicle pushes past people, goats, and sacred cows.
INT. RAFAELA’S VEHICLE – MOVING
An interactive HUD projects across the self-driving vehicle’s windscreen. News plays in a discrete corner.
ON THE SCREEN
Drones hover near a smoking wall. OFFICERS fire at CROWDS.
RAFAELA GUTIÉRREZ (30s) turns it off. Detached. Unmoved. Hair pulled back, no makeup. Strong and uncomplicated.
ON THE SCREEN
Over MOUNTAIN CLIMBER, text reads: “Osgood Ancestor Simulations Retirement Package, AFTER LIFE”
NARRATOR (V.O.): Live the adventure of a lifetime!
TALKING HEADS state desired era and profession.
TALKING HEAD 1: 19th Century, Nantucket, whaler.
TALKING HEAD 2: Qing Dynasty, gentleman gourmet.
RAFAELA: 20th Century, Vermont, farmer.
Rafaela’s vehicle stops beside a pickup.
ON THE HUD
Scans, locks onto a figure in the distance–
Text: “GARCÍA LORCA, LÚCIO. AGED 33. Former military (ret’).”
RAFAELA: Damn. Don’t make me go out there.
An egg splatters on the rear window.
EXT. RAFAELA’S VEHICLE – DAY
Rafaela wipes the egg off the CRITWELL HERALDIC BADGE. A thick gold disc, black center, with red rim flaring at 10 and 5 o’clock.
Rafaela moves through the crowd with a black duffel on her shoulder. She ignores the negative reactions to her uniform and badge.
EXT. BEACH – MOMENTS LATER
CROWDS of white robes engage in joyous acts of worship. LÚCIO (30s) sits among SEVERAL CHANTERS who scowl at Rafaela.
RAFAELA: Lúcio, you old drunk!
LÚCIO: Capitán!
He jumps to his feet.
RAFAELA: I see you’re still tempting death.
LÚCIO: I no longer fear death Capitán.
RAFAELA: Not enough–
LÚCIO: Gonna lose–
BOTH: WE FIGHT ANYWAY!
The old friends hug. He offers a mat.
LÚCIO: Never too late to be saved.
RAFAELA: I’m not staying on this beach.
She presses the duffel to his chest.
LÚCIO’S PICKUP TRUCK
Tarp pulls back revealing two kegs with “SEIZURE” stickers. Lúcio pours himself a cup, sips the fermented beverage. She declines. He notices her worn out attire.
LÚCIO: Surprised you’re not finding more work. Been recruiting our kind.
Internal debate, then–
LÚCIO: There was a group here yesterday.
RAFAELA: Who?
LÚCIO: Need military escort’s all I know.
He gives her a white promo card: “OSGOOD LUXURY RETIREMENTS. What will you do in your After Life?”
She flips it: “Complimentary demo. Wednesday morning, 9am.”
LÚCIO: Moving defectors I’m guessing.
RAFAELA: Not interested.
She gives it back. He refuses.
LÚCIO: Capitán. Sounds like easy money. 800 ounces of gold.
Struggles to process what he’s telling her.
RAFAELA: I… haven’t held a gun in ages.
LÚCIO: Ah, you’re better off. There’s change in the air. Unlike we’ve ever seen.
She doesn’t recognize this side of Lúcio.
RAFAELA: How so?
LÚCIO: To attempt to describe with words would diminish its actual meaning.
RAFAELA’S VEHICLE – MINUTES LATER
She secures the two kegs in the rear. They share a moment of bitter-sweet remorse. Lúcio returns to the beach.
RAFAELA’S POV – IN THE DISTANCE
Lúcio stumbles, grins at Rafaela in his goofy way. At that moment, A BLINDING LIGHT flashes. Snowfall becomes rain.
CRACK! BOOOOOOOM! A SHEET OF PLASMA cuts into the surf, parting the water into two enormous walls, slicing its way toward the beach where–
The crowd watches LIGHTNING VAPORIZE all in its path.
Debris ROARS across the landscape. Rafaela takes cover from the shockwave behind her shaking vehicle.
THE BEACH – MOMENTS LATER
Pandemonium. Rafaela makes her way to Lúcio. Sand melts into her boots, gumming up the soles. She–
Chokes on fumes from half-charred victims, blocking out screams of those with bloody wounds and severed limbs.
Leaping along cool patches, she lands at a MOLTEN SILVER POOL and ASH SHADOWS. The final remains of Lúcio and his friends.
EXT. OLD FOREST ROAD – DAY
The electric motor of Rafaela’s vehicle hums through snow and chaff. Patches of forest survive among the charred cinders.
INT. RAFAELA’S VEHICLE – DAY – MOVING
Covered in dirt and ash, she sucks her flask. A deep loss in her eyes.
RAFAELA
Fools… Sun’s destroying us and there’s no fucking afterlife.
HENRIETTA INTRODUCTION
NEW: Build the Character’s reputation
DEMO ROOM
A sim pod, bench, white robe, and sandals. Very spa-like. Rafaela admires the technology she believes will solve all her problems.
KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
LALO (O.S.): Maintenance!
LALO (30s), a large man wearing dark overalls bearing the Osgood logo rolls in with a garbage bin.
LALO: Don’t mind me.
He’s followed by JUAN GUERRERO (30s), handsome and lean with a gold tooth, in cargo pants and flak jacket.
Lalo interfaces to the back of the pod.
JUAN: Capitán Gutíerrez. It’s an honor.
His earnest grin feels familiar. Safe.
JUAN: I’m Juan. This is Lalo. He’s bringing her to. Please have a seat.
She squats on the bench.
CREEENK! WHIRRR!
Lalo bumps the opposite side with a fist.
POP! The canopy glides open. Lalo continues, obscuring the woman’s face inside.
JUAN: Manzano’s getting hot, yeah?
RAFAELA’S POV
Pale, white skin. Shrapnel scars and bullet wounds cover a lean, sinewy frame.
RAFAELA: That’s all that’s been on my Glass.
JUAN: Say they’re headed north.
She glimpses the WOMAN’S INFAMOUS FACE, then looks to Lalo whose eyes have locked with Juan’s.
Rafaela leaps up, snaps the brush off a broom and holds the long, pointy slivers toward the men.
JUAN: Tranquilo Capitán.
RAFAELA: Didn’t know I’d be killing terrorists!
LALO: The PLF is a revolutionary socialist organization–
JUAN: Lalo, enough. (to Rafaela) We’re not terrorists. PLF’s changed.
RAFAELA: You’re brainwashed.
JUAN: Kill us now and you’ll be worse off.
Off her look, he holds his arms in surrender.
JUAN: Please.
Invites her back to the bench. She tosses the broomstick inside the bin and sits. Lalo gets back to work.
RAFAELA: I thought she was dead.
Juan smirks.
JUAN: She is. In the records.
RAFAELA: How does she do it?
JUAN: Moves from sim nest to sim nest. Places like this when there’s silver.
RAFAELA: Don’t they track every pod?
JUAN: The pod, not the person. What’d be of major value to a corporation like this is tracking consciousness, once inside the sim.
RAFAELA: “Tracking consciousness.” Even I know that’s not possible.
HENRIETTA: Wouldn’t it be something if we could?
The woman inside sits up. HENRIETTA STONE (30s), short, spiked hair and sullen eyes that betray her youthful looks.
RAFAELA: Yes…
HENRIETTA: Let’s go for a ride shall we?
-
DAY 6
Jeff Hall’s Character Intros
What I learned from this assignment is that my character introductions are the most important part of my writing. I just get that right to draw in the reader/audience.
Benjamin Cole
Current Beats – Stands on porch and encourages two boys to fight. Wanting his prisoner/friend for work and giving him breakfast.
New Intro – Ben sees two boys come out of a closed store with treats that were obviously stolen. He confronts them, and they pretend to have guns, he gets nervous and sweaty, he gives in to them and lets them escape. They laugh as they hit him and get away. This makes him the laughing stock of the town.
Roy
Current Intro Beats – wakes hungover in jail. Interaction with Ben. We see he is mentally challenged and an outcast.
New Intro – Dirty and sweaty, he wakes in jail. Laughs with Ben and is able to ease Ben’s pain with just his presence (encouragement and love). He is looks forward to a day of work with the Petersons. Expresses his love for their little girl “You think i will even have a daughter like that?”
Sheriff Merl Grayson
Current Intro Beats – On a sunday morning, kisses a prostitute goodbye. Unpleasant conversation with Ben, revealing his ‘politician heart’ and wishing Ben was like father.
New Intro – Says goodbye to prostitute, but does not pay. Merl “I thought you loved me”. Mocks Ben for the incident with the boys.
Maria Sanchez
Current Intro Beats – orphans convince her to help Ben on the street.
New Intro – Maria yells at the children for helping Ben. During a heavy rain, the children brings a SICK Ben inside the orphanage. “He is an orphan too”. She complains/yells. As soon as he wakes, she tells him he has to leave. She sees his loving interaction with the children and we only see her reaction in her eyes.
The Tall Man –
Current Intro Beats – Stares at the Peterson house. Walks quietly inside. Murders every member of the family.
New Intro – I don’t know how i can make this scene better.
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