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Day 5 Assignments
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11 Replies
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Marian Redmann Character Story Beats – Shark Abyss
What I learned doing this assignment is that this is a very powerful tool! If done as suggested, it leads to changes that are difficult to see otherwise.
LISANNA
1. Character Profile / Protagonist
Role in the story: Mother of Mia, shark expert, savior of the island.Core Character Traits: pragmatic, courageous, aloof, difficult to see through
loving mother, underestimated
Character Subtext Logline: wanted to make the world a better place and failed, gave up and became pragmatic
Flaw: feels guilty about a mistake in the past, her claustrophobia hinders her from advancing in her job
Want: to earn enough money to make ends meet
Need: wants to be a good motherMission/Agenda Character Arc: needs to rediscover her ideals and come to terms with the past
Secret: wanted to save people in the past and defuse an explosive device of her activist friends, it went wrong and people got hurt
2. Lisannas beginning, middle and end
B: wants to find out if there are dangerous sharks on the island to prevent harm from her daughter and the island
M: has to fight sharks and henchmen of the antagonistE: kills the sharks, defuses the explosives, rescues daughter and kills antagonist
3. Lisannas beats of their story – broad strokes
– Lisanna is asked to find out if there are dangerous sharks on the island.
– refuses first because of her claustrophobia and decides to do it because her daughter and the island might be in danger– Lisanna dives into the cage and is attacked by Julians (antagonist) men and has to fight the sharks
– Lisanna has to find out what’s going on and also find a way out of the bunker as the water rises
– Lisanna finds Mia and has to rescue her and a group of tourists
– she defuses the explosives and kills the sharks
– Mia is kidnapped by Julian, Lisanna frees her and rescues Mia
4. Improvement
There’s a lot of shark fighting going on in the second act. Which is good – but there is no real (spoken out) difference between the fights and it may seem that the reactions are forced onto Lisanna by the sharks and the environment. It would be good to have an active decision of Lisanna stated. Like: “Enough of this running away from the sharks we are going to kill them!” She does not what to kill them first, then around the midpoint, makes an active decision that she needs to fight and kill them, in order to save her daughter, the group and the environment. This can be supported by the actions and information of the other characters, such as Mia, who knows her way around the bunker, Claas, who brings new information, Sophie, who brings hard-hitting suggestions for solutions, etc.
MIA / Supporting Character
1. Character Profile:
Role in the story: daughter of Mia and Claas, schoolgirl, tour guide filling in for SophiaCore Character Traits: moody, dedicated, Know-it-all, stubborn, sensitive
Character Subtext Logline: wants to be like Greta Thurnberg and at the same time a normal teenager
Flaw: too sensitive and good-natured.
Want: wants to improve/save the world and have her mother by her side
Need: find her place in live/ who she really is
Mission/Agenda Character Arc: realizes her mother is much stronger than she thought and recognizes her as a role model
2. Mias beginning, middle and end
B: does not have a high opinion of her mother and considers herself morally above her
M: takes over the leadership of the tourist group but is not able to be the leader after the explosion and is separated and has to fight on her own till Lisanna finds her
E: recognizes that her mother is a great woman and lovingly subordinates herself to her (accepts her daughter role)3. Mia’s beats of their story – broad strokes
– Mia wants to spend time with her mother but does not respect her and reproaches her.
– Mia sees a role model in Sophia, but she is not a role model
– Mia takes over the leadership of the tourist group for Sophia
– Mia cannot assert herself when things get difficult and is separated from the group.
– Mia manages to survive but can’t find a way out of the bunker.
– Mia is relieved that Lisanna and Claas find her and discovers new sides of her mother.
– Mia accepts that her mother is a strong, brave woman and gives her a chance.
– Mia is happy that she has her mother
4. Improvement
Mia’s psychological arc, as she finds new respect and love for her mother, already works well. A more physical transformation might be missing yet, for example that she learns to assert herself and to fight powerfully for her goals. She could take over the role of Sophia if it would show up that Sophia has a big mouth, but then pinches when it comes to it. This would could mean that in the end, Sophia doesn’t shoot with the old Wehrmacht gun and saves the boy, but Mia does. I’m not sure yet which is the better way. It might be a better twist though, possibly for both characters and mirror Lisannas arc.
CLAAS / Love-Interest
1. Character Profile
Role in the story: Father of Mia, Lighthouse KeeperCore Character Traits: charming, takes too little responsibility, Know-it-all
taciturn, Nature Man
Character Subtext Logline: wants to make the world a better place, but doesn’t have the discipline to do so, thinks he is a good father already
Flaw: makes it too easy on himself
Want: wants to be a good father to Mia and get Lisanna back
Need: to get over the separation from LisannaMission/Agenda Character Arc: must learn to take responsibility
2. Claas’ beginning, middle and end
B: Claas takes little responsibility for his daughter
M: Claas is putting Mia in danger by failing to evacuate the bunkersE: Claas sacrifices himself to save Mia and buys Lisanna time to disarm the explosives
3. Claas’ beats of their story – broad strokes
– Claas does not take his duties as a father seriously
– He is supposed to evacuate the bunker, but fails, because Mia steps in unnoticed as the tour guide for the tourist group
– Claas saves Lisanna from a shark
– Claas helps Lisanna find out what the sharks and the antagonists are all about
– Claas supports Lisanna in the fight with the sharks
– When Lisanna gets stuck in a tube, he saves her again
– At the end (of his story) he saves Mia by sacrificing himself for her.
4. Improvement
Claas should not be this helpful right away, but should be reminded of his duties as a father and his failures (around the midpoint). This leads to more conflict and a stronger arc of Claas’ character. He can actively decide to be a better father and take responsibility.
SOPHIA / Supporting Character
1. Character Profile
Role in the story: best friend of Mia
Core Character Traits: sassy, cocky, practical, morally flexible, reliable friend
Character Subtext Logline: a girl who just want to have fun!
Flaw: overdoes it, knows no limits
Want: wants to enjoy her youth and grow up as fast as possible
Need: wants to be part of a community and to be loved
Mission/Agenda Character Arc: must learn to respect rules and other people
2. Sophias beginning, middle and end
B: has only nonsense in mind
M: through their irresponsible actions the group can get weapons and find a bunker that no one else knows about
E. saves the little boy and the group
3. Sophias beats of their story – broad strokes
– Sophia smokes secretly in the bunker and is a bad example for Mia
– She is supposed to lead the group of tourists, but doesn’t feel like it and lets Mia do it
– Sophia annoys everyone but the little boy of the group thinks she’s great.
– She doesn’t want to take responsibility for anyone, but here her qualities are in demand.
– she knows how and where to find weapons in the bunker and can show the group a secret bunker when there is no way out.
– she rescues the little boy and takes over the role of protector for his grandma, who is injured
4. Improvement
Sophia is an interesting character but there was no clear storyline for her. I changed her story so that she’s supposed to be leading the tour, but she shifts it to Mia. She is considered a bad influence and puts herself outside of society. She refuses to be a mother figure to Mia and the little boy in the group. In the struggle for survival, however, it is precisely her skills that are needed and she is integrated into the community and is able to shine by recognizing that she is important to the group.
JULIAN
1. Character Profile / Antagonist
Role in the story: Antagonist
Core Character Traits: charismatic, energetic, doer, morally very flexible, egomaniacal/ psychoticCharacter Subtext Logline: wants to prove to his overbearing father that he can follow in his footsteps
Flaw: overcompensates, goes too far
Want: desperately wants to be successful and go down in history
Need: wants his father to accept him
Mission/Agenda Character Arc: learns nothing and must atone for his mistakes
Secret: was once in love with Lisanna and wanted to change the world with her, but didn’t dare to get rid of his roots
2. Julians beginning, middle and end
B: Julian hires Lisanna but has a secret agenda
M: Julian does what’s in his power to make his plan work and show his father that he is as good/ unscrupulous as heE: Julian kidnapped Mia and is killed by Lisanna with the help of a shark
3. Julians beats of their story – broad strokes
– Julian hires Lisanna and wants to use her as a scapegoat. His secret plan is to convert the Helgoland nature reserve into an oil claim unit with the help of abandoned sharks and Nazi explosives from the old bunkers
– Julian sends Lisanna to dive with men who are supposed to kill her
– Julian has his father send a commando company
– Julian does not oppose his father’s plans to drop an even bigger bomb, he thinks he is the ruler of the world but kowtows to his father
– Julian tries to be even more ruthless than his father and kidnaps Mia and wants to feed her and the survivors of the group to the sharks
– Julian is inferior to Lisanna, she is able to overpower him and he dies by Lisanna’s trick and a shark
4. Improvement
Julian tries to convince his father that he can be even more megalomaniacal and scrappy than he is. He wants to implement his plan, but fails because he underestimates Lisanna. What I could improve is to make his motives even clearer, that he was once in love with Lisanna and is still offended and that he is actually a victim of his overbearing father. This would make his role as antagonist even stronger and more dramatic.
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Greetings and thanks to this group!
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Hey, Marian.
I read over your post. Looks like you were able to strengthen your characters and their stories. Way to go.
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Thank you, Ken!
I really think that this process helps a lot to realize where individuals storylines could be improved, even for storylines I thought were working quite well!
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Love how you compressed 4, 5, 6 into a single “Improvement” category!
Thoughts on improvement for Lisanna fighting the sharks in act 2… what specifically about Julian and these sharks that make them exceptionally good at attacking Lisanna’s greatest weakness? How do they force her into choices she doesn’t want to make? How does this generate more conflict with her daughter, the group and environment?
Thoughts on Julian… to quote John Yorke’s Into The Woods: “The antagonist they fear, then – the ‘monster’ they must overcome – is the embodiment of the very thing lacking in themselves.” So what specific character trait does he possess that’s lacking in Lisanna? How does he exploit this against her greatest weakness? How does she do that to him? In other words how do they bring out the best in each other?
🧜♂️🧜♀️
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Daniel,
there are really good and also really tough questions! Have to think about it!
Thank you for this feedback!
🏄♀️🏄♂️🦈🦈🦈
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Through this assignment, I found ways to give some of my supporting character’s stronger storylines. It also helped me find some deeper feelings and actions for the characters to express.
Title: The Santa Brotherhood
Logline: A “play-it safe” employee of an outdoor store gets involved with three store Santas, who are part of a clandestine but benevolent, secret society, just in time to start a Christmas project benefiting the kids and single moms in a housing project where the city’s most dangerous gang lives.
Character Story Arcs
Doug
Plays it safe for job security even if job is not paying enough to make ends meet in inflationary economy > Challenge> New Perspective> An open heart of generosity inspires others to have open hearts> Doug inspires his CEO to shift his focus from “Making more and more money, to doing more and more good with the money the corporation generates.
Miss Amy’s transformation from prostitute to caring grandmother figure is laid out. However, Miss Amy has one more step, to forgive and ask forgiveness of her son, T. Roy. She does. This influences T. Roy to have the change of heart he needs.
Miss Amy tells T. Roy, “There’s a better way than the way of the street. These men can help you find it.”
With the Santas, Abe, Bob and Cal, we learn from their testimonies, that they all came to a place of transformation.
The Santas
Having gone through their own previous transformations, they now serve as mentors, for Doug. Their life’s theme, “Don’t work to become wealthy, work to become generous.”
Abe rebelled against his father’s role model as a member of The Santa Brotherhood, joins the Marines, becomes a tough guy vs. the soft and gentle man his father was. Abe has softened.
Bob grew up in gangs, then hell’s angels, got sick of the lifestyle (or “death style”)
Bob explains what motivates T. Roy, Bob also becomes the one who can really relate to T. Roy and become his counselor once T. Roy is in prison.
Cal was small and bullied, learned Ju Jitsu and became a vigilante before transforming into a member of The Santa Brotherhood. His skills help thwart the smash and grab by T. Roy’s gang.
T. Roy, son of a prostitute grew up wild. Though he has a humorous and crazy sense of humor, he has a deep-seated anger and resentment that makes him dangerous and intimidating. The forgiveness of his mother, Miss Amy starts his journey to clean up his life. Bob, as a former gang member, becomes his life coach.
Tommy Moss, Founder and CEO of Outdoor Adventure World became obsessed with the money-making potential of creating a fishing, hunting and camping mega store. This was unlike his father whose own bait and tackle store was closed half the time, so he could go fishing with Tommy. Coming out to see Doug working with the Santas at The Project, even though he knew Doug had just lost his job and was about to lose his house, reminded Tommy of his own father. Seeing the plight of all of the children and single mothers in The Project, causes Tommy to create ways to
Enhance their lives with Kid’s Adventure Camps, and workplace modifications for single mothers.
Tommy also realizes he is not helping his employees’ pay stay up with inflation.
“How can an employee who worked with me 18 years, not have enough money to, all of a sudden, pay his monthly mortgage?”
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Kenneth Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by
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Lisa’s Character Story Beats
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is a brilliant way to elevate characters’ stories.
Logline: A homeless teenage orphan, chasing her dream of becoming the next Adele, must survive the streets of L.A. and the pursuit of the criminal who killed her family.
(5 main characters of pilot episode)
CLARE DAMIANO
Character Profile
– Role: Lead female, heroine
– Core Character Traits: enthusiastic, intelligent, strong-willed, stubborn, obstinate, impatient
– Character Subtext Logline: Clare is an emotionally wounded teenage orphan chasing her
– Dream of stardom despite her great misfortune
– Her Mission: To become the next Adele
– Flaw: Clare’s stubbornness cans sometimes lead to her ignoring the plain truth or seeing
something for what it is, which results in making some bad choices.
Clare’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each
Beginning: Clare loses her family and her will to live.
Middle: Clare is sent to live with her aunt and uncle who despise her and push her to the edge, but Clare’s best friend, Natalie, helps her choose to let her dream of stardom be her reason to live.
End: Clare decides the only way to move forward is to forget what happened that night so she breaks up with her boyfriend.
Beats of her story — with broad strokes
– Clare is on a date with Aaron when her family’s home explodes and all other family members perish.
– She is admitted to the hospital under suicide watch and her aunt requests that she remain sedated for as long as possible; days.
– In her sedation, Clare has a horrible nightmare about the fate of her family and awakes to see an incredible show of love and care from her friends at school.
– The doctor refuses to continue sedation and Clare is sent to live with her aunt and uncle, Margaret and Phillip Kennedy, who despise her and make life at their home miserable.
– Clare reunites with her long lost cousin, Blake, who is casually compassionate toward her over a grilled cheese sandwich.
– Her best friend, Natalie, visits her and encourages her to let her goal of being a global megastar be her motivation to keep living, keep fighting.
– Clare eulogizes her family at their funeral and verbally makes a commitment to live well, follow her dream, and honor her family with her life.
– Clare sings her pain out on Margaret’s baby grand piano while Natalie live streams it on TikTok. Margaret comes home to disrupt the scene, but despite that, the video has gone viral.
– In an effort to find a way to start moving past her pain, Clare decides she must forget everything about that night, including Aaron, and breaks up with him.
One part of her story that could be improved
– Clare breaks up with Aaron. Although appropriately sentimental, I think it might be more interesting if Aaron gradually gravitates toward Natalie and they get together. It would put a twist on the whole “we’re her family now” aspect.
Tell us the improvement you are making to Clare’s story
– Instead of breaking up with Aaron, she will realize he is drifting away from her.
CHRISTIAN SANTIAGO
Character Profile
– Role: crime scene investigator, anti-hero
– Core Character Traits: intelligent, principled, sensitive, generous, melancholic, pessimistic, cynical, self-loathing
– Character Subtext Logline: Christian is a self-loathing man who started out with the best ofintentions but allowed himself to be coerced to the dark side.
– Secret: Christian does Nagle’s dirty work with great reluctance but under threat of ruin and destruction of his family.
– Mission/Agenda: To find a way to safely leave the police force and remain faithful to his wife.
Christian’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each
Beginning: Christian disguises his depression and low self-image through body building and being a police detective; flexing his “strengths.”
Middle: In the middle of an interrogation, an anonymous caller demands he drop what he’s doing and report for a different “job.”
End: Christian appears to be cheating on his wife, but it’s revealed that he is involved in some sort of coerced deception.
Beats of his story — with broad strokes
– Christian works out his anger and depression through bodybuilding in his basement gym. Alerted by a baby monitor, we see his strength contrasted with his tenderness as he calms his infant son.
– Christian is in the middle of an interrogation when he receives an anonymous call to drop what he’s doing and report to a different assignment.
– Christian shows up at the scene where the fire department and police are sifting through the remains of the ruins of Clare’s home. He’s sending cryptic texts to the unknown caller.
– Christian sits at the bar sipping a bourbon when a strange woman approaches him and strikes up a conversation. We can’t hear what they’re saying through the noise of the blender.
– Christian arrives home to his sleep-deprived wife, Jayna, who puts a gun to his head and accuses him of cheating. Christian swears his fidelity and divests her of the gun, sending her to bed. He watches the 11 o’clock news and discovers Clare’s name.
– Christian waits in the mall parking lot and is joined by the woman he met in the bar. They drive off together and end up at the Riverside Correctional Facility.
One part of his story that could be improved
– His conversation with the fire chief at the ruins of Clare’s home.
Tell us the improvement you are making to Christian’s story
– His dialogue needs to be less passive, more in line with his reputation as a hot shot.
MARGARET KENNEDY
Character Profile
– Role: Clare’s aunt
– Core Character Traits: Reserved, sensible, manipulative, cold, sarcastic, selfish
– Character Subtext Logline: Margaret is only out for her own gain. She views relationships as tools for her to use and if you are not a useful tool, you are doomed to her cruelty.
– Secret: She has an emotional wound from childhood that has made her the way she is.
Margaret’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each
Beginning: Margaret shows up to the hospital as next of kin, but is not good at showing care or emotion.
Middle: Margaret begrudgingly agrees to take Clare to live at her home.
End: Margaret demeans Clare and her best friend, Natalie, at a critical point.
Beats of her story — with broad strokes
– Margaret arrives at the hospital the night of the explosion and tries quite unsuccessfully to be of service.
– She meets with Dr. Bartolomeo who refuses to keep Clare sedated and insists that Margaret do her familial duty and take Clare home to live with her.
– Margaret brings Clare home and dumps her in the guest room.
– Margaret comes home to find Clare playing her baby grand while Natalie records it, and Margaret demeans the girls.
One part of her story that could be improved
Her reaction when she arrives home and finds Clare using her baby grand.
Tell us the improvement you are making to Margaret’s story
Right now her reaction is terse. A more interesting response would be a meltdown.
NATALIE HOFFMAN
Character Profile
– Role: Clare’s best friend
– Core Character Traits: Hot girl, loves to be the center of attention, smart, capricious, pandering
– Character Subtext Logline: Natalie has a good heart but is easily swayed by her own vanity and the respect of others, which often results in being disloyal.
– Flaw: Natalie is too easily swayed.
– Mission/Agenda: To be the one everyone else envies.
Character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each
Beginning: Natalie is Aaron’s go to for moral support. She rallies her friends to go to Clare’s house and be with Aaron/witness the devastation.
Middle: Natalie creates a scene at the hospital when she and her friends are denied the chance to visit Clare. “We are her family now.”
End: Natalie drives two hours to visit with Clare and gives her reasons to not give up. She encourages her to sin out her pain and live-streams it all on TikTok
Beats of her story — with broad strokes
– Natalie receives the news of the explosion from Aaron late at night and spreads the news among her friends, encouraging them to join her and Aaron down at the scene.
– Natalie and about 20 other friends join Aaron at the remains of Clare’s home to witness the devastation.
– Natalie shows up at the hospital with a large group of friends from high school with balloons, flowers, cards, etc. to visit Clare. When refused visitation, she engages the media in the waiting room and causes a spectacle.
– After not being able to contact Clare by phone, Natalie drives the distance to Margaret’s home and shows up unannounced to see Clare. She encourages Clare to not give up through words and showing her the support she has from her community online. She encourages her to sing out her pain at the baby grand, then live streams it to TikTok, where the video goes viral.
One part of her story that could be improved
Natalie is a true friend, but what if she’s not so true?
Tell us the improvement you are making to Natalie’s story
She is secretly attracted to Aaron and uses the circumstances to get close to him.
AARON FORSYTH
Character Profile
– Role: Clare’s boyfriend
– Core Character Traits: Steadfast, friendly, outgoing, trustworthy, strong, leader, sanguine.
– Character Subtext Logline: Aaron wants a reliable, happy, normal life without disruptions.
Character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each
Beginning: Aaron arrives at Clare’s house for their date.
Middle: Aaron is dismayed because he is denied visitation with Clare at the hospital.
End: Aaron recognizes that Clare is trying to break up with him and turns it around in a way that lets her off the hook.
Beats of his story — with broad strokes
– Aaron arrives at Clare’s house for their date and has a typical girlfriend’s father to boyfriend conversation.
– Instead of going where they told her parents they were going, they are parked on an empty street and are passionately making out.
– Aaron tries to reason with Clare about moving to Los Angeles to get discovered.
– He races her back to her house when the explosion happens.
– He waits with her at the hospital for news about her family.
– He cannot sleep and drives to Clare’s home. He calls Natalie to inform her of what happened.
– He waits for hours the next day to visit Clare but is refused.
One part of his story that could be improved
Aaron is a good guy so far. I think it would be interesting to make him not such a good guy.
Tell us the improvement you are making to Aaron’s story
Aaron has secretly been attracted to Natalie for some time and may have been using Clare to get to her. After the loss of Clare’s family, Aaron puts some distance between him and Clare and slowly shifts toward Natalie.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Lisa Duffy.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Lisa Duffy.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by
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Joan Butler Rewrite Assignment 5: Character beat sheet.
What I learned: I learned that elevating beats based on a character profile makes the scene richer. I also learned that I can’t brainstorm alone.
Selma
ROLL: The counselor who tries to deprogram Elizabeth and persuade her not to return to her abuser, Mark.
A liar
Compassionate
Insecure
Afraid of authority figures
Has a temper
CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:
Selma is a compassionate counselor who has a temper, fears authority figures, and lies when she feels insecure.
FLAW: she lies
WANT/NEED: to feel safe
MISSION: to save Elizabeth because she didn’t save her mother.
ARC:
· from lying with impunity, to realizing lies can have deadly consequences.
· from believing she caused her mother’s death, to understanding that her father was the cause.
· from fearing men and their feet, to saving Elizabeth by taking hold of Mark’s foot and not letting go.
WORLDVIEW: The world is a dangerous place.
LIFE METAPHOR: Life is a boot that’s ready to stomp on you becomes you are stronger, braver, and more powerful than you think.
SECRET: She watched her mother die and didn’t try to save her because she’s weak, stupid, and a bad person.
SOMETHING SHE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT TO HERSELF: She needs love.
WHAT MAKES THIS CHARACTER UNIQUE: She is a counselor who lies and a COVID long hauler.
Beginning: Selma lies to Elizabeth.
Middle: Selma apologizes to Elizabeth for lying.
End: Selma realizes her lie may cost Elizabeth her life. She wants to stop lying.
Selma’s Beats:
1. Unable to work, Selma is a poverty-stricken long hauler who receives an eviction notice.
2. She decides to interview at the Blue Bird transition house where she can work for 1 hour a day.
3. Gaia, the manager of the house, explains the job.
4. Selma lies about working at her private practice and takes the job.
5. On Selma’s first day, an abused woman named Elizabeth arrives at the house.
6. Selma does Elizabeth’s in-take.
7. Selma does Jasmine’s in-take.
8. Selma convinces Elizabeth to stay for 3 more days and come for counseling.
9. Selma visits Gaia and asks about Elizabeth’s phone and her doublethinking.
10. She tells Gaia that her father killed her mother and lies about not seeing it happen.
11. Gaia tells Selma what to do in the first 2 sessions.
12.Selma begins deprogramming.
13. In the 2<sup>nd</sup> session, Elizabeth asks if Selma has seen this kind of counseling work with other women. Selma lies and says yes.
14. Selma learns she must do a report for Gaia’s boss.
15. Selma takes pictures of Elizabeth’s wound.
16. Selma falls asleep trying to write the report.
17. She lists on Craigslist.
18. She tries to make Elizabeth understand that Mark is an abuser. No luck.
19. Selma accidently reveals her lie.
20.When Selma loses her compassion for Elizabeth, Gaia bristles.
21. Selma takes dvds and a recipe to the house.
22. She has a nightmare.
23. Buyers take away her belongings.
24. Selma is frightened of Elizabeth’s anger.
25. Selma discusses how to deal with put-downs and makes a chink in Elizabeth’s armour.
26. Selma yells at Jasmine.
27. Gaia reprimands Selma.
28. She watches YouTube, to learn how to control her temper.
29. She teaches Selma techniques Mark uses to control her – red flags.
30. Selma is visited by the landlady.
31. Selma’s boots nightmare.
32. She tries to work on the report. The electricity goes off.
33. She gives Jasmine the Uber faire and a card.
34. Selma spends a session discussing traumatic bonding. Elizabeth says she’s leaving.
35. Selma gives Gaia her resignation and admits all of her lies. She also talks about her mother’s death and its effects.
36. Selma decides to try a final intervention with Elizabeth.
37. Selma intercepts Elizabeth and causes her to admit the truth.
38. Selma and Gaia hold off Mark until the police arrive and arrest him.
39. Selma and Elizabeth create a world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.
Elevate all scenes with Elizabeth.
Selma struggles to control her temper.
It increases her conflict with Jasmine and Elizabeth.
Elizabeth
ROLL: Selma’s first client and Mark’s victim.
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:
Opinionated
Empathetic
Maternal
Angry
A doublethinker
CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:
Elizabeth is an intelligent and empathetic physician who loves children. Because of her abuse, she is angry and protects herself, subconsciously, by denying reality.
FLAW: her conscious mind’s inability to accept reality.
WANT/NEED: to love and be loved in return
MISSION: to protect Mark
ARC:
· from denying Mark is in control to accepting he is in control
· from believing Mark is a good man to accepting he is despicable.
WORLDVIEW: Love is the answer.
LIFE METAPHOR: Life is a garden; with care and love she can cultivate beautiful flowers.
SECRET: She gave away her new-born baby.
SOMETHING SHE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT TO HERSELF: She is completely under Mark’s control.
WHAT MAKES THIS CHARACTER UNIQUE: She is an abused woman who doublethinks–She knows her abuser is dangerous. At the same time, she believes she controls him and believes he’s a good man.
Beginning: Elizabeth is frightened of Mark.
Middle: She believes she controls him and he is a good man. This is double thinking.
End: She believes he is despicable.
Elizabeth’s Beats:
1. Elizabeth is raped by Mark.
2. Elizabeth is scalded by Mark.
3. She flees to the transition house.
4. During her in-take, Mark phones. She says she is at a retreat.
5. She decides to stay at the house for 3 more days, come for counseling, and care for Jasmine’s baby.
6. In her first counseling session, she talks about what made her happy before she met Mark.
7. Elizabeth walks the baby and sings to her at night.
8. In the next session, she says she wants real counseling and gets angry with Selma when she says this is real counseling.
9. Elizabeth remembers her fear of Mark when Selma takes pictures of the wound.
10. Elizabeth meets Bella.
11. Elizabeth phones Mark. She’s confused when he says she scalded herself while making soup.
12. When Selma tries to convince Elizabeth that Mark is an abuser, she defends him.
13. She realizes Selma has lied and is furious.
14. Elizabeth talks to Bella about Selma and says she’s leaving. Bella convinces her to stay 3 more days.
15. She phones Mark. He tells her how everything will be wonderful when she gets home. They argue. She decides to watch a DVD with Bella.
16. Elizabeth tries to wake Jasmine in the middle of the night to care for the baby. Jasmine refuses.
17. Elizabeth is at peace as she feeds the baby.
18. Elizabeth is shocked when Jasmine says the baby loves her and will never love Elizabeth.
19. After learning a technique to cope with name calling and put-downs, she hears from Selma that they can cause Elizabeth to lose herself. She gives Selma a slight nod.
20. When Mark tells her to stop taking care of the baby because she’s delusional, Elizabeth says she’s doing well then decides he’s right.
21. She tries to get Jasmine to look after the baby. Jasmine refuses. Elizabeth relents.
22. Elizabeth worries about the baby.
23. Elizabeth admits she’s angry at everyone.
24. She learns about psychological violence and techniques Mark uses to control her. Elizabeth maintains that she is in control.
25. Elizabeth realizes Selma is right; Mark is using those techniques.
26. Elizabeth decides to go back when Mark threatens to ruin her career.
27. She promises Bella to stay for one more session.
28. Elizabeth reels when Jasmine tells her to go have her own baby.
29. Elizabeth realizes she may have trauma bonds, but it doesn’t matter. She has to go home.
30. Before she can leave the transition house property, she is intercepted by Selma.
31. Elizabeth breaks down. She admits she gave away her newborn because Mark said she was delusional.
32. Elizabeth fights Mark as he tries to get her into his car.
33. She and Selma create a world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.
Elevate 10.
Add a flashback of Elizabeth sobbing as she gives her newborn to a nurse.
This heightens Elizabeth’s maternal trait.
It explains why she is so attracted to Jasmine’s baby and so hurt by Jasmine’s barbs.
Mark
Roll: Elizabeth’s abuser
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:
A narcissist
Cruel
Manipulative
Arrogant
Loves his dog
Psychologically damaged due to childhood domestic abuse
CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:
Mark is a cruel, manipulative, and arrogant, narcissist who is psychologically damaged due to childhood domestic abuse. However, he loves his dog.
FLAW: He must have power and control over Elizabeth.
WANT/NEED: to have power and control
MISSION: to get Elizabeth back
ARC: none. He doesn’t learn and has no regrets.
WORLDVIEW: Power and control are worth any cost.
LIFE METAPHOR: Life is a crown; it gives power to those who deserve it.
SECRET: He’s always afraid.
SOMETHING HE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT TO HIMSELF: He is unlovable.
Beginning: Mark controls Elizabeth.
Middle: Mark has less control when she’s in the transition house.
End: He loses control of Elizabeth.
1. Mark rapes Elizabeth.
2. Mark scalds Elizabeth.
3. He phones during the in-take. Elizabeth says she’s at a retreat.
4. Mark calls retreat centers.
5. Using Elizabeth’s phone number, Mark finds the transition house. He still thinks it’s a retreat center. He tries but fails to get in.
6. Elizabeth calls him. He gaslights her. He gets angry when she says she’s not ready to come home.
7. Elizabeth calls him. He tells her how wonderful things will be when she gets home. He gets angry when Elizabeth says she is going to watch a DVD.
8. Mark uses his drone to peer in the windows of the transition house, but all the windows are covered by curtains.
9. He hires a PI to find out what happens at the house.
10. Mark tells Elizabeth she’s delusional and will hurt the baby.
11. The PI reports that it’s a transition house and sniggers at Mark.
12. When he can’t get into the house, he buys a gun.
13. Mark tries various kinds of manipulation to make Elizabeth come home. When they don’t work, he threatens to ruin her carrier.
14. He arrives at the house and tries to force Elizabeth into his car.
15. Selma and Gaia hold him off until the police come to arrest him.
Elevate 6.
Mark cuts chicken into fine pieces and adds drops of medicine for his dog.
This gives Mark another dimension.
Jasmine
Roll: An abused teen with a newborn and a broken right arm.
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:
Insecure
Immature
Overwhelmed
Jealous because she’s insecure
A bully because she has no real power
CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:
Jasmine is a self-centered, immature teen who is overwhelmed by her baby, jealous because she’s insecure, and a bully because she has no real power.
FLAW: She doesn’t realize who she should ask for help; her father and her abuser are the wrong people.
WANT/NEED: to be loved
MISSION: to become the greatest of all time mom
INVERSE ARC:
· from believing she can stay away from Clarence, to going back to him
· from accepting Elizabeth’s help, to becoming jealous of her
WORLDVIEW: The world owes her.
LIFE METAPHOR: Life is an avocado; it’s one giant pit.
SECRET: She is unlovable.
SOMETHING SHE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT TO HERSELF: She’s not a good mother and may never be.
Beginning: Jasmine declares she won’t go back.
Middle: She is overwhelmed by the baby.
End: She returns to her abuser and is killed.
Jasmine’s Beats:
1. Jasmine arrives at the transition house and pushes her way in even though the house is not taking children.
2. Jasmine makes formula and holds the baby with Elizabeth’s help.
3. She refuses Selma’s help.
4. Jasmine asks her father if she can come home. He refuses.
5. She refuses to look after the baby in the middle of the night.
6. Jasmine tells Elizabeth the baby will never love her.
7. Jasmine puts Elizabeth down. Selma yells at her.
8. Jasmine cuts herself.
9. Jasmine refuses to take care of the baby even though Elizabeth pleads with her.
10. Jasmine’s cast is removed.
11. She returns to her abuser and is killed.
Elevate 3.
Jasmine reads a book about babies.
Elevate 4.
Jasmine tells her father that she wants to learn about the baby from her mother and she says that her father doesn’t know how hard it is to have a newborn.
This makes her a more sympathetic character. When she is killed, it affects the viewer more deeply.
Gaia
Roll: Manager of the transition house, mentor to Selma, employee to Petra
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:
Gets angry when her residents are in danger, emotionally or physically
Kind
Inspires trust
Lonely
Mother-figure
Fears retirement
CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:
Gaia is a kind and lonely mother-figure who inspires trust and fiercely protects her residents.
FLAW: She fails to look for common ground with her boss, Petra
WANT/NEED: her daughter or a substitute
· MISSION: to keep women from leaving the transition house and returning to their abusers
ARC:
· She starts out lonely.
· She ends with Selma as a substitute daughter/ Selma gains a mother.
WORLDVIEW: The world can be cruel. The strong must protect the weak.
SECRET: She’s ashamed of being lonely.
Beginning: Gaia is lonely.
Middle: She reprimands Selma.
End: Gaia gains Selma as a substitute daughter.
Gaia’s Beats:
1. Gaia interviews Selma for the pilot project and offers her the job.
2. Later, they meet and decide Elizabeth is their candidate. She warns Selma that the project will end if 1 or 2 women go home.
3. She hears about the report.
4. She passes the info to Selma. She warns Selma that Gaia will cancel the project if Selma can’t justify what she does in the sessions.
5. Gaia bristles when Selma gets frustrated with Elizabeth.
6. Gaia and Petra argue about on-site counseling.
7. Gaia hears Selma yelling at Jasmine and reprimands Selma.
8. Gaia receives Selma’s resignation. They talk about Selma’s lies and the death of her mother. Gaia suggests a therapist and Selma agrees.
9. Petra tells Gaia she is about to be fired.
10.Gaia suggests that Selma try a final intervention with Elizabeth.
11.Selma and Gaia hold off Mark until the police arrive and arrest him.
12. Gaia helps Selma and Elizabeth with their world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.
Elevate 9.
Her eyes well. She looks at the floor. She says, “I should learn to keep my mouth shut.”
This shows how much it hurts Gaia to lose her job and gives her another dimension.
-
Subject: Daniel Rangel Character Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is…
This process helps pull me from the “spell of attachment” I have to the events/concepts in my story. It makes objective choices that elevate the script possible. Nice!
Also helped me see how I’m trying to jam too many concepts into a single story. As written, I think this is the second film of a trilogy, or episodes 5-10 of a series.
Learned that I really like the Rashomon experience of running the same story through different perspectives!
Rafaela
1. Rafaela Gutiérrez (Main Protagonist)
Former Captain of elite military unit. Los Águilleros (Eagle Brigade)
Core Character Traits
– Motivated by guilt from her daughters death, Rafaela wants to escape reality.
– Struggles to find meaning in her life.
– Knows how to take charge when things get rough.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Character Subtext Logline
Rafaela is a cynical veteran whose insurmountable debt keeps her from the dream of “starting over” inside a retirement simulation.
Optional
HER MISSION: To escape this life by starting over within a simulation.
WANT: To give up all responsibility.
NEED: To forgive herself for her daughter’s murder.
SKILL: Inner strength, leadership.
MISBEHAVIOR: Alcoholism, self-doubt.
VULNERABILITY: Her good heart.
ACHILLES HEEL: Her faith in the system, wanting to live in a bubble.
CHARACTER ARC: A journey that takes her from “despair to hope”.
WORLD VIEW: Struggles to find meaning in her life. She is a woman who feels that everything you experience is, “to keep us from seeing what life really is… suffering.”
SECRET: She won’t listen to 70s classic rock or dance because she’s waiting to be among the first people to hear it over the airwaves within a simulation.
SOMETHING THEY DON’T WANT TO ADMIT ABOUT THEMSELVES: She wishes she knew how to paint her toenails.
2. Beginning Middle End
**Beginning**: Takes lucrative job smuggling refugees to pay for a luxury retirement simulation called “After Life”.
**Middle**: Performs a magical ritual she doesn’t believe in, out of desperation to save herself and Lena.
**End**: Performs a ceremony that takes her to the afterlife, somewhere beyond the milky way galaxy.
3. Beats of their story with broad strokes.
Act 1
**Beginning**: Takes lucrative job smuggling refugees to pay for a luxury retirement simulation called “After Life”.
1. Rafaela takes a lucrative job smuggling refugees to *Las Planchas Verdes*.
2. Double-crossed by Juan, Rafaela escapes with Lena and Gloria to Lady Monica’s estate.
Act 2
**Middle**: Performs a magical ritual she doesn’t believe in, out of desperation to save herself and Lena.
3. A drunk Rafaela learns how to perform a magic ritual used for authentication.
4. Rafaela performs a ritual she doesn’t believe in, and they make it to *Las Planchas Verdes*.
Act 3
**End**: Performs a ceremony that takes her to the afterlife, somewhere beyond the milky way galaxy.
5. Rafaela kills Juan.
6. Rafaela stumbles through the ritual, returns Lena to Earth, and begins her journey into the afterlife.
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved.
Clarify:
Act 1: Think she’s won the lottery
Act 2: Realizes she’s lost everything
Act 3: Realizes she’s won everything
5. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
In general: avoid letting details bog down the story.
Act 1:
– Emphasize the stakes.
– Emphasize what makes Lena the perfect internal antagonist.
Act 2:
– Emphasize the consequences of actions.
– Emphasize her embracing Lena and Gloria’s spirituality.
Act 3:
– Emphasize her attempt go back to her old life.
– Show her embodying Lena’s spiritual beliefs.
6. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
Act 1:
– Emphasize the stakes.
What happens if she doesn’t get this money?
– Emphasize what makes Lena the perfect internal antagonist.
Show her rejection of spirituality.
Act 2:
– Emphasize the consequences of actions.
– Emphasize how she can no longer go back to her old life because:
1. She’s a fugitive being pursued by powerful military forces.
2. The gold she’s collected is worthless to her now.
– Emphasize her embracing Lena and Gloria’s spirituality.
A moment where we see that she does feel something beyond her physical senses.
Act 3:
– Emphasize her attempt at returning to her old life.
1. Refusing to participate with a spiritual ceremony.
2. Finding another potential solution to her dreams of retirement.
– Show her embodying Lena’s spiritual beliefs.
A moment where we see how she feels about death and loss and how this story challenges her entrenched beliefs in a non-spiritual existence.
Lena
1. Lena Lovelace (Internal Antagonist)
Only surviving daughter of Lady Anne and Lord Kristoff in Manzano territory (New Mexico.) 11 years old.
Core Character Traits
– Motivated by a sense of duty to continue her parent’s legacy of bringing justice for “Polys” (People of Labor Yields) around the globe.
– Precocious. Knows how to handle herself under pressure.
– Commands the respect of everyone who interacts with her.
Character Subtext Logline
Lena begins an orphan, having lost both her parents a week before the story begins. During a raid on the family estate her mother sends her and the mystic, Gloria, with a secret technology that promises to bring peace among nobility and the lower classes.
Optional
MISSION: To find The Hide and complete what her parents started.
WANT: To bring her parents back to life.
NEED: To say goodbye to loved ones and reconcile with those who murdered them.
2. Beginning Middle End
**Beginning**: Lena goes with a Shaman called Gloria into an escape tunnel beneath the family’s estate.
**Middle**: Lena teaches Rafaela how to perform a magic ritual.
**End**: Lena thanks Rafaela for saving her, and returns to Earth.
3. Beats of their story with broad strokes.
Act 1
**Beginning**: Lena goes with a Shaman called Gloria into an escape tunnel beneath the family’s estate.
1. Lady Lorena **feeds Lena an experimental serum**, then sends her with a Shaman called Gloria to deliver a **secret vial of serum** to Lena’s father, somewhere in the Rocky mountain foothills.
2. Gloria seeks help from PLF (Poly Liberation Front) leader, Henrietta Stone, who recruits Rafaela Gutiérrez to transport them into ungoverned territory.
Act 2
**Middle**: Teaches Rafaela how to perform a magic ritual.
3. Double-crossed by Juan, Lena escapes with Rafaela and Gloria to Lady Monica’s estate, but end up fleeing to a penal colony.
4. She teaches a drunk Rafaela how to perform a magic ritual used for authentication.
Act 3
**End**: Thanks Rafaela for saving her, and returns to Earth.
5. Lena enters a simulation to say goodbye to her father and prepare for the ceremony, but unexpectedly travels to the bardo, and cannot return to Earth.
6. Rafaela arrives, gives her her connection back, but when Lena wakes Gurion tells her Rafaela’s vitals have ceased, and she they join a caravan headed west.
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved.
I’d like to make her more active. In its current form, she’s just along for the ride.
5. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
Thanks to ***Joan*** for suggesting an internal obstacle she must overcome and looking to the “shadow” aspects of her personality for clues.
6. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
Because so much of the story happens to her, I’m going to focus on Lena’s internal journey. Hoping the results will yield more conflict between her and Rafaela.
Juan
1. Juan Guerrero (External Antagonist)
Former lieutenant to Henrietta Stone, current leader of the PLF (Poly Liberation Front).
Core Character Traits
– Motivated by lifetimes of **oppression**, Juan wants revenge.
– Insatiable lust for power.
– Knows how to exploit situations and manipulate others into destructive acts.
Character Subtext Logline
Juan is a charismatic military leader who sees the woman leading the cause against nobility as a weakness and liability.
Optional
MISSION: To seize power and oppress the oppressors.
WANT: To **destroy** ancestry simulations and place nobility into penal colonies.
NEED: To forgive those who’ve wronged him so he can begin to cooperate toward a better world.
SKILL: Charisma, leadership.
MISBEHAVIOR: Treating people as a means to an end.
VULNERABILITY: His lust for power.
ACHILLES HEEL: His arrogance and dehumanization of others.
CHARACTER ARC: A journey from standing up to abusive power structures to perverting, then abusing power (murdering innocent children.)
WORLD VIEW: Juan believes in a dog eat dog world. Life is zero-sum-game. Naive people like Henrietta and groups like The Hide will **keep him** from seizing power and obtaining revenge.
SECRET: He’s always hated the fact that Henrietta Stone became leader of the PLF due to her noble background.
SOMETHING THEY DON’T WANT TO ADMIT ABOUT THEMSELVES: The more he kills, the more perverse pleasure he takes from each act.
2. Beginning Middle End
**Beginning**: Orchestrates a coup after disagreement with Henrietta Stone on what to do with Lena and the secret technology she carries.
**Middle**: Receives The Hide’s coordinates after hacking Lena’s radio.
**End**: Destroys the box containing Lena’s father, putting her into a coma.
3. Beats of their story with broad strokes.
Act 1
**Beginning**: Orchestrates a coup after disagreement with Henrietta Stone on what to do with Lena and the secret technology she carries.
1. Orchestrates a coup that leads to Henrietta’s murder.
2. Hacks radio given to Lena.
Act 2
**Middle**: Receives The Hide’s coordinates after hacking Lena’s radio.
3. Orders the murder of Lady Monica and her three small children.
4. Receives The Hides coordinates when Rafaela uses the hacked radio.
Act 3
**End**: Destroys the box containing Lena’s father, putting her into a coma.
5. Destroys the simulation containing Lena’s father while she’s inside, putting her into a coma.
6. Fails to stop Rafaela from killing him and his soldiers.
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved.
A personal/intimate motivation for his revenge.
5. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
He could carry an image or object belonging to someone he lost at the hands of nobility.
6. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
Fill out his backstory to raise the stakes and make them more personal for him. Show how his motivation directly opposes Rafaela’s and heightens their conflict.
Henrietta
1. Henrietta Stone (Protagonist Helper)
Leader of the PLF (Poly Liberation Front).
Core Character Traits
SKILL: A powerful leader and good judge of character.
ACHILLES HEEL: Failing to recognize when those in her circle have turned against her.
Character Subtext Logline
Henrietta Stone was kidnapped and indoctrinated into the PLF as a teen. The daughter of wealthy landowners, she rises up the ranks and eventually becomes the leader of the PLF. She is infamous among both Polys and nobility and seen by many as a “traitor to her class.”
Optional
MISSION: To keep Lena safe until she’s under protection of The Hide.
SECRET: She fell in love with Zulema Ramirez, a soldier in father’s militia, as a teenager. When Zulema was sent to fight in the Nomadic Wars the two maintained correspondence. It was through correspondence that she first learned the legend of “Rafaela Leona.” Zulema tells her Rafaela was the bravest warrior she’d ever known. This is why she specifically looks for and trusts Rafaela with the mission.
SOMETHING THEY DON’T WANT TO ADMIT ABOUT THEMSELVES: That she made a mistake in trusting Juan and that’s why it’s so important to her to recruit Rafaela on this mission.
2. Beginning Middle End
**Beginning**: Arranges the delivery of Lena Lovelace and a secret technology to Lena’s father who is believed to be with The Hide, somewhere in the Rockies.
**Middle**: N/A
**End**: N/A
3. Beats of their story with broad strokes.
Act 1
**Beginning**: Arranges the delivery of Lena Lovelace and a secret technology to Lena’s father who is believed to be with The Hide, somewhere in the Rockies.
1. Fights with Juan, who wants to use Lena as a bargaining chip in the coming civil war.
2. Obtains the services of Rafaela, only to be killed in a coup led by Juan.
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved.
A moment when we see her worldview change based on what she learns about Lena’s father and The Hide.
5. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
This is a piece that will need to be figured out for the 1st installment.
6. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
Giving her more room to breath in a previous installment.
Gloria
1. Gloria Lilialés (Protagonist Helper)
– Member of a Vago tribe outside Manzano Territory in No Man’s Land (ungoverned territory).
– Mystic who learned ritual magic from her grandmother, Dolores.
– Spiritual tutor to Lena.
Core Character Traits
SKILL: Thinks fast on her feet. Acts now, apologizes later. Gifted in transmitting ancient ceremony and wisdom.
ACHILLES HEEL: Her incredible sense of loyalty.
Character Subtext Logline
Gloria sees the divine in the everyday and mundane. She doesn’t fear death and would gladly sacrifice her life to ensure a better future for humanity.
Optional
MISSION: To act as spiritual mentor and keep Lena safe until she’s under protection of The Hide.
SECRET: She had a vision about her own death and Rafaela’s journey into the afterlife.
SOMETHING THEY DON’T WANT TO ADMIT ABOUT THEMSELVES: Any time she’s bitten off more than she can chew.
2. Beginning Middle End
**Beginning**: Tasked with delivering Lena to her father somewhere in the Rockies.
**Middle**: Must explain to sceptical non-believers how The Hide uses magic ritual to communicate.
**End**: N/A
3. Beats of their story with broad strokes.
Act 1
**Beginning**: Tasked with delivering Lena to her father somewhere in the Rockies.
1. Seeks help from PLF leader, Henrietta Stone, to find Lena’s father and deliver her (Lena) to him.
2. Travels with Rafaela Gutiérrez to the border, where a staged coup results in Henrietta’s death.
Act 2
**Middle**: Must explain to skeptical non-believers how The Hide uses magic ritual to communicate.
3. Tells Rafaela The Hide will be listening the following midnight for 2 minutes at which point they must radio a passcode by creating an energy pattern using a magic ritual.
13. Sacrifices her life during a military raid, providing an escape for Rafaela and Lena.
Act 3
N/A
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved.
Like Lena, it would be great if she were more active.
5. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
Create a strong inner-conflict for her that affects the plot. This will need to be approached in the first movie, not the first act of this one.
6. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
She hides what happened to Lena’s father from Lena.
-
Marie’s Character Beat Sheet
What I learned: Exploring each beat from the individual characters’ point of view helped me make all my characters more active and really pumped up the interactions and conflict. The script flows better and even fleshed out the overall story.
Ramon Madera
Role in the story: Protagonist
Core character traits:
– Responsible
– Controlled
– Protective
– Intelligent – a Man of Reason
– Passionate about his ideals
Character subtext logline: Ramon is a traumatized soldier who wants to complete this mission to drum up support so he can move on with his life and leave the past where it belongs – behind him.
Want: Give his speech, get support where he can and get back to Mexico City to start his new life. Need: to remember his past and deal with his trauma so he can truly move on and feel whole.
Flaw: All the sublimated trauma has given Ramon a violent temper when he encounters certain triggers.
What makes this character unique: The idealistic passion, trauma, and vulnerability that lies beneath the stoic exterior.
Overall Story:
– Beginning: Arrives, ready to do the bare minimum and go home
– Middle: Investigates Enrique’s death
– End: Calls the spirits and takes an honest look at what they show him
Ramon’s Story Beats:
– Arrives and delivers a rousing speech about the new government, then schmoozes at the party. Quickly realizes these people are locked into their same old ways and not open to what he has to say.
– Maria makes a pass at him while dancing and he turns her down.
– Refuses to stay and take over the ranch when pressured by Enrique.
– Releases Ushi and beats up her attackers.
– Steps into leadership role when Enrique’s body is found and investigates the death.
– Checks the work rooms, stables, and Maria’s room for Enrique’s missing whip.
– Has a run-in with Antonio after dinner, and Domingo interrupts before it can get physical.
– Tries to convince Ramirez to stay, unsuccessfully.
– Notices Zabala seems unhinged at the funeral.
– Manuevers verbally when Domingo approaches and is suddenly all friendly. He doesn’t trust this sudden change in demeanor and quickly susses out what Domingo really wants.
– Stops Zabala from dragging Ushi out of bed and whipping her. Discovers Zabala has the whip.
– Searches Zabala’s room. Tells the priest that there are no demons, just a murder, and Zabala has the murder weapon. If Ramon finds out the priest did this, he will see him thrown out of the order. Leaves and takes the whip.
– Checks out the whip. It brings back memories. Hears a child’s voice in the fog saying, “I made it for you, Papa.” Asks who’s there. The little boy he saw before steps out of the fog and he tries to follow – the boy disappears.
– Antonio calls him a slur and he hears voices in the fog. Keeps walking, ignoring both Antonio and the voices.
– Finds Eulalia in their room, shaking and upset. She says she’s just tired because of the baby and wants to go home. It feels cold here.
– At dinner, notices that everyone is looking rough and acting off. Eulalia is very tense around Antonio. When Antonio follows them outside and looks at them, she’s nervous.
– Confronts Antonio, demanding to know what he did to Eulalia. They fight and Cascon and Domingo break it up. Ramon backs off, until Antonio says that no matter what he does or how many medals he wears, he’ll still be a cholo. He lunges at Antonio again and then reins himself in.
– After Ramirez returns and dies, Lopez (Ramon’s second-in-command) tries to convince Ramon to leave and he refuses.
– Ramon checks on Eulalia after her fall and recognizes the woman in her drawings as his mother. Voices crowd around him and he clutches his head as a jumble of memories begin to rise to the surface, but he doesn’t want to see them. He runs out of the room.
– Goes to Santos and asks how he gets the spirits to leave. Santos doesn’t answer.
– Goes out looking for the little boy spirit and gets a key.
– Finds the diary kept by former priest, which mentions something bad that happened on a raid.
– Takes the journal to Cascon to get details, but Cascon can’t give them – he wasn’t there. The people who were: Enrique, Domingo, and Antonio.
– Goes to confront Domingo and finds him dead.
– Comes out of Domingo’s room to find the Mission has erupted into violent chaos.
– Grabs Lopez and tells him to dig in at a defensible position while Ramon goes and gets Eulalia.
– Finds the door smashed open! But then he finds Eulalia under the bed. Holds her, crying with relief – he thought he had lost her.
– Takes Eulalia and makes his way through the fog, trying to avoid combatants. Can’t get to Lopez.
– Sees a light out by the cliffs, away from the fighting, and heads there.
– His mother appears and Eulalia can see her as well, saying that she saved her from Antonio. Ramon drops to his knees. Remembers the song she taught him and calls the spirits to him. They show him what really happened the night his mother died.
– Antonio attacks and they fight. Ramon gives him to the fog spirits.
– Says goodbye to his mother.
– Leaves for Mexico City, having helped Cascon restore order.
Most of the changes I made to Ramon’s story give his emotional journey more breathing room. He has more interactions with the spirits, even if he’s choosing to ignore what he hears them saying. Those interactions give more clues about how he’s feeling as these old memories slowly resurface and they also give clues about the identity of the woman and the little boy. I also escalated the tension between Ramon and Antonio throughout.
Antonio Alvarez
Role in the story: Antagonist
Core character traits:
– Grandiose
– Has to be the center of attention
– Arrogant
– Bully
– Deeply insecure
Character subtext logline: Antonio is a racist bully who wants to be seen as the best by making Ramon look like a loser.
Want: To win, to be right, to be seen as better than Ramon. Need: To get approval from his father.
Secret: He cut a strap on his older brother Jaime’s saddle as a kid, so that Jaime would fall and lose a race. Jaime died. Antonio lied to himself that it was an accident, but he wanted Jaime out of his way. He likes to think of himself as being all about his family, but when it comes to it, he’s not capable of that kind of selflessness.
Overall Story:
1. Beginning: Antonio wants to show everyone that he is superior to Ramon.
2. Middle: Between Domingo’s abuse and the ghost’s taunts, he is slowly losing everything.
3. End: Unable to admit his own sins and faults, he blames Ramon and tries to kill him. The Fog Spirits drag him away.
Antonio’s Story Beats:
– Antonio is annoyed when Ramon arrives and everyone is fawning all over him, like they forget that he’s not even really Spanish, just jumped-up mestizo trash.
– Tells some old stories to take Ramon down a peg at the party.
– Takes Maria back to her room after they find Enrique’s body. He tells her that it’s him and she doesn’t have to pretend to care about that old drunk. He’s gone and she’s still here. Take the win. She tells him what Ramon did to Balto.
– He goes to visit Balto. Comes out pissed, but Domingo tells him to stick with the plan. This changes nothing. For Antonio, it changes everything.
– Seething about what Ramon did to his son and egged on by Maria, he picks a fight after supper, but Domingo breaks it up and then accuses Antonio and Maria of killing Enrique and says they are both stupid. Antonio was supposed to convince Ramon that he was an old friend and that he’d left childish rivalries behind, but he couldn’t even do that one simple thing right. Domingo is trying to build an empire and Antonio is messing everything up, again. Domingo tells Antonio and Maria to stay away from Ramon while he tries to clean up the mess they’ve made.
– Sees his dead brother and freaks out. Jaime insults him and says he’s better than Antonio even dead – Domingo wishes it was him here with him rather than Antonio.
– Hears voices in the basilica during the funeral.
– Drinks more to try and drown out the voices, but it isn’t working. Calls Ramon a slur to get a rise out of him, but it doesn’t work.
– Sees Jaime again, and the ghost accuses him of murdering his brother to get him out of the way. Antonio denies it, saying it was an accident.
– Corners Eulalia and makes sexual advances – she’s too good for Ramon.
– Stares at Eulalia during supper.
– Taunts Ramon and when they fight, Domingo breaks it up again. As they are dragged apart, Antonio gets in another jab, telling Ramon that no matter how many medals he wears, he’ll still be a cholo.
– Maria tells him that Domingo plans to disinherit him. He says he’s all that old man has. Bernardo can’t run everything. But he can’t stop thinking about it. (Flesh out this conversation – in what context is she telling him this? What is her agenda here?)
– Is tormented by Jaime, showing him ghosts of all the people he has hurt, telling him he’s going to end up alone and forgotten. Snaps and stabs Jaime, who dies in his arms – it seems real. Then the body fades away, leaving him alone. Can’t tell what’s real and what isn’t anymore.
– Confrontation between Antonio, Maria, and Domingo. Domingo says he will disinherit them, and Maria stabs and kills him. Tells Antonio that Domingo never loved them, that they can both get what they deserve. Leans in seductively, and Antonio thinks she’s another spirit, tormenting him, so he stabs her, but it turns out she’s the real Maria, and he has killed her. He runs outside.
– Busts into Ramon’s room, but his rival isn’t there. Looks for Eulalia instead, but the ghost of the woman attacks him and sends him flying out of the room.
– Violence erupts at the Mission. Antonio can see are threats and ghosts. He kills everyone he runs across. He runs someone through and then realizes he has killed Balto, his son. Blames Ramon and goes looking for him.
– Jumps Ramon and they fight. Still insults and taunts Ramon until the spirits drag him away.
Changes: I added a lot of details that make Antonio’s descent into madness smoother and give a better sense of who he is and why he does what he does.
Father Francisco Zabala
Role in the story: priest who’s a problem for protagonist
Core character traits:
– Religious zealot
– Ambitious
– Bigot
– Worried about appearances
Character subtext logline: Zabala is an ambitious religious zealot who wants to destroy anything that he sees as wrong or against the Church.
Identity: He sees himself as the ultimate Franciscan friar and representative of the Church. To challenge his authority is to challenge Church itself, which is sacrilege.
Agenda: He wants to distinguish himself in this post so he can move up by being a perfect living example of what he thinks a priest should be and by saving as many souls for Christ as possible. He wishes that he could have come earlier when none of the heathens had yet been converted, because then he could have saved more souls. But he doesn’t see the natives as people – just a tally of souls to send to heaven. He has little interest in making their lives better.
Overall Story:
1. Beginning: Sees the spirits roll in and mistakes them for demons, exorcises them.
2. Middle: The spirits come back and this time he can’t cast them out. They torment him with images of all the harm done to the neophyte workers in the name of religion and drive him increasingly mad.
3. End: Unable to admit that the Church’s practices, and by extension his own, have resulted in great wrong, he flees and throws himself off a cliff to his death.
Zabala’s Story Beats:
– Sees the Fog Spirits rolls in and assumes they are demons. Exorcises them and ignores the ridiculous native superstitions that they will come back.
– Hosts the party for Ramon and the other community leaders. Doesn’t like all the talk of equality and voting rights. Church doctrine holds that humans should be ordered into a strict hierarchy, with the king on the top. This kind of thinking is a danger to the Church and the proper order of things.
– The Fog Spirits return. He tries to exorcise them again, but it doesn’t work. He flees into the church and prays for divine help.
– Enrique shows up dead and Zabala tries to explain that it’s demons and he knows what to do, but Ramon takes over and ignores him. He pushes and Ramon tells him that he plans to focus on the human element, while Zabala focuses on spiritual protection for everyone. Cascon deems this an excellent idea, and Zabala realizes he has lost the crowd. Tells Ramon that he will regret this.
– He prays to God for the power to destroy these demons in His name, along with those who serve them. He wants to be shown the way to win this battle for God.
– Does the funeral rites, only to find himself beset by the demons again, this time in the guise of starving children. They disappear, and he realizes the congregation is staring at him, alarmed. They can’t see the demons. He is all alone in this fight.
– He is writing in his journal and describes his struggles with the demons and his isolation.
– Sees another demon while teaching school to the kids – this time a toddler who has been whipped bloody. He yells at the demon that he won’t be tempted to mercy by wearing the guise of innocent. He knows the demon’s true face and he will see it destroyed. The demon disappears to reveal that the kids are crying and cowering as he screams at them. Cascon runs in and urges him to rest while he takes over the class. Cascon tries to lead him away to bed, but he pulls away. He knows what needs to be done and he will do it.
– Marches to the workers’ quarters, whip in hand, and demands that they bring out Ushi. Ramon blocks him again, pries the whip out of his hand and forces him to watch helplessly as his room is searched. He tells Ramon that he has no right, that God will curse him for this. Ramon asks if he killed Enrique. If he did, Ramon will see him thrown out of the order for this.
– Prays and finds himself suddenly burning alive from inside with fever, as a rash wends its way up his arms. He panics, thrashing on the ground.
– Zabala can’t tell the difference between apparitions and reality – everything around him is twisting and turning into horrors of illness and death. Sees a bald woman. She is covered in blood – her head is shaved and her arms and legs covered in sores from the shackles on them. She lifts a stillborn baby, the umbilical cord still attached, as blood pools beneath her. Zabala turns away and squeezes his eyes shut, and blood drips off the baby and onto his face. He screams.
– Runs back to the workers’ quarters, still smeared with blood, and has his guards drag Ushi out of bed. The workers crowd around, begging him to stop, but he can’t see them. All he can see is demons. They demons growl and snap, closing in on him and he fends them off with the heavy silver cross he’s carrying. Hits something solid, and his vision clears to reveal that he has buried the cross deep into Ushi’s skull, killing her. The workers eyes all turn to him, filled with rage and loathing. He flees.
– He runs, pursued by the spirits, hitting him, cutting him open until he bleeds. Throws himself off the cliff where he had first exorcized the spirits.
The changes I made to Zabala’s story mostly fill in the gaps, so he’s not just cropping up in the larger story at random. Listing his beats from his point of view helped me pinpoint how he was feeling, how things were escalating for him, and what actions he would take when confronted, so his new beat list shows him being more active and makes his scenes more dynamic.
Eulalia Terrazas de Madera
Role in the story: wife of protagonist
Core character traits:
– Artistic
– Curious
– Warm/Loving
– Insecure
Character subtext logline: Eulalia is an artistic young woman who wants to protect Ramon and the baby she’s carrying and get back to Mexico City before the birth.
World View: Eulalia is the only major character who is young. She was sheltered before the war and then saw the horrors of it, but she has seen little of the world before marrying Ramon, and she wants to see things, do things, and have space to figure out who she is, something her parents never gave her.
Wants: To be a good wife. Needs: To find a sense of agency and be seen and loved for who she is.
Secret: Her father abandoned her family during the war and disappeared, leaving the family unprotected and vulnerable. She is afraid of being abandoned and left alone again – one of the reasons she picked Ramon as a husband was his drive to protect. She’s nowhere near as passive and clueless as she seems at first.
Overall Story:
1. Beginning: Arrives, curious about Ramon’s childhood home that he never talks about and prepared to help him finish his job and return to Mexico City before her baby is born.
2. Middle: Tries to figure out the mystery of what the ghosts want.
3. End: Helps Ramon face his trauma and goes home knowing him and herself better.
Eulalia’s Story Beats
– Talks to Ramon as they break camp. She can tell he’s dreading this last mission visit, but she doesn’t know why. He hasn’t told her much about his family or childhood.
– Cheers Ramon during his speech and works the room with him. His father seems nice, if a bit overbearing, while the Antonio and Maria are obnoxious. She supports him by telling the crowd about his accomplishments – he won’t brag about himself, so she does it for him.
– Wakes to find Ramon has left the bed and is staring out the window. Draws him back to bed and comforts him.
– Cuddling with Ramon in the bed and asks if they are really packing to leave already. He offers to stay a bit longer if she needs to rest and she says no, she wants to get back to Mexico City before the baby is born. Cascon knocks and asks Ramon to come out – it’s his father.
– Follows Ramon and Cascon out and sees Enrique’s body. Pulls Ramon’s hand gently away when he tries to shield her eyes and reminds him that she’s seen worse during the War. Notes that Enrique doesn’t look like he drowned.
– Maria approaches her and tells her that her baby will miscarry.
– Sees a woman in the fog while she’s drawing. Eulalia tries to approach and talk to the woman but she disappears into the fog. Eulalia looks down and realizes that the picture she was sketching was of the woman she just saw.
– Eats supper with the other guests in silence. Everyone is very tense.
– Antonio confronts Ramon as they are walking back to their room. She steps back to give her husband room to fight if he needs to, and then pulls him away once the argument is over. Outside the room, he stares into the fog like he sees something but when she asks, he says it’s nothing.
– Helps Cascon polish the wood carvings in the church. Finds one that looks like the woman in the fog. Cascon tells her that Enrique carved it, inspired by Ramon’s mother.
– Runs after Cascon when they hear the children screaming and finds Zabala gibbering about demons and scaring the kids. The goes to the children and calms them down. Suggests instead of what Zabala had them working on, they read about Daniel calming the big scary lions.
– Goes to the library in search of a new book to read. Hears a voice telling her to leave, go. Unnerved, she turns to leave, only to run into Antonio. He corners her and makes sexual advances. A pistol cocks and Lopez tells Antonio to step away from her. Escorts her back to her room and posts himself outside the door.
– Goes back to her room and breaks down, shaking all over. Ramon finds her like that. She tells him that she’s tired because of the baby and wants to go home. It’s cold here. Leans into him as he tries to warm her.
– Feels jumpy at supper with Antonio at the table. She tries to cover it up, unsuccessfully. Ramon figures it out and jumps Antonio, starting a fistfight.
– Eulalia cleans Ramon’s wounds after the fight and he asks if she is really okay. She says Antonio just scared her. Lopez made him leave, but now she can’t stop thinking about her sister. Confesses a harrowing experience during the War – men broke into the house and her sister made her hide, but she saw what they did to her sister. Ramon had been told that the sister died of cholera. He realizes Eulalia has some traumas of her own. Says that if he could, he would take away that memory.
– Ramirez comes back and dies. They bury him and a grim quiet seems to set in, as everyone begins to realize that they really are trapped.
– Eulalia is drawing a picture of Maita (the cat) and sees the woman again. When she approaches, the woman turns – she’s caked with dirt, like she crawled out of a hastily dug grave, bleeding from multiple wounds, and the side of her head is a ruined, gory hole. She reaches for Eulalia and she screams and falls, banging her head.
– Wakes up scared. Ramon comes to check on her and she tells him that she saw the woman, she wants us to leave. When he asks what woman, she points to her drawing book and he opens it, stares at her pictures in horror, sinking to the floor and clutching his head. She tries to explain that the woman wants them to leave, she said we have to go. He jumps up and runs out and she calls after him, begging him to come back.
– Alone in the room, she hears the woman’s voice again. This time it tells her to hide. Danger. She grabs Ramon’s pistol and ammo out of the chest and crawls under the bed, loading it with shaking hands. Footsteps approach the door and she hears Antonio’s voice, calling for Ramon. He kicks in the door and pauses, then shifts gears and looks for her. She stays quiet and readies the pistol as he stalks around the room. Pauses by the bed. He’s figured out where she is. Then she hears the spirit hit him. He flies out of the room. Swats at the air, shrieking. Runs away into the night.
– Ramon comes in looking for her. She waits to be sure it’s really him and then calls out to him. He helps her out from under the bed and holds her close. They gather the rest of his weapons and go.
– Follows Ramon as he weaves through the Mission, trying to avoid combatants in the fog. They can’t get to his men. She sees a light in the other direction and points it out. He heads for it and she follows him.
– Ramon’s mother, the spirit woman, appears. Eulalia watches as he summons the spirits and she sees what they show him.
– Antonio attacks and is dragged away.
– Ramon’s mother says goodbye, first to Eulalia, then Ramon. The fog vanishes and she comforts Ramon.
– Leaves for Mexico City.
Changes: Eulalia has more agency as a result of the changes, and I was surprised to discover that many aspects of the original draft that I really liked ended up making their way back into the script during this process in a newer and better guise, particularly for Eulalia.
Maria Alvarez de Madera
Role in the story: sister of antagonist and former flame of protagonist
Core character traits:
– Unpredictable/Moody
– Relentless in pursuit of what she wants
– Vain
– Proud
– Manipulative
Character subtext logline: Maria is an abused and embittered woman who is done being a pawn and wants her own power – she wants to keep control of the ranch.
Something she doesn’t want to admit to herself: Maria regrets that she caved to family pressure and married Enrique instead of running off with Ramon. She wonders what her life would have been like, and she hates seeing him successful and happy while she has been left behind.
Overall Story:
1. Beginning: Comes to the party hoping to rekindle her romance with Ramon and is quickly rejected.
2. Middle: Fights to keep the ranch.
3. End: Kills her father and Antonio strangles her to death, thinking she’s one of the fog spirits.
Maria’s Story Beats:
– Comes to the speech and party in her finest gown, excited to see her old lover, and then she has to watch as Enrique fawns over Ramon and his pretty young wife in her fancy fashions from Paris. Ramon used to love her, but when she talks to him on the dance floor, he is cold and makes it clear that he doesn’t want her anymore now that he has someone younger and more beautiful.
– Argues with Enrique and goes to their room without the drunken old bastard.
– Wakes to discover that Enrique’s body has been found and makes a big show of grief while blaming Ramon for his death.
– Goes back to her room with Antonio. He tells her to drop the wailing widow act and take the win. Enrique is gone and she’s still here to reap the rewards. She likes the sound of that. She tells him that Ramon beat up Balto, one of the guards told her all about it. Ramon beat him up for disciplining some Indian witch. Enrique wouldn’t do anything about it, but she knows Antonio will.
– Ramon searches her room. She accuses him of the murder again and says that everyone knows he did it. He grabs her arm, exposing the bruises that Enrique left on it and says that this is what everyone knows. Then she taunts him about how she rejected him and slept with his father in his mother’s bed. He tells her he never thought about her for comfort during the War, not once. She’s left raw and hurting, with the spirits whispering in her ears.
– During supper, everyone is tense and quiet, while the spirits whisper away. She can hear them.
– Urges Antonio to go after Ramon and get rid of him, but when he does it, Domingo stops the fight before it can get started.
– Domingo slaps her around, asks whether she or Antonio killed Enrique, and calls them stupid. They are ruining all his carefully laid plans, and he’d rather have Ramon for a child than either of them. He warns her to stay away from Ramon.
– Sits at the funeral service for her husband and cries in all the appropriate places. Makes a show of going to kiss Enrique’s cold withered cheek and whispers that he can rot in hell – everything that was his is now hers.
– Overhears Domingo tell Ramon that Bernardo will be running things when he is gone, not Antonio.
– Sees Eulalia playing with Maita, the Mission’s cat, and tells her that it will make her miscarry her baby. She says she would know. She miscarried more Ramon’s brothers and sisters than she could count. They died and died until she had no more tears left to cry for them. Eulalia says she’s so sorry and Maria tells her to save her pity for herself. She’s going to need it.
– Intercepts Ramon while he’s checking one of the workshops, hoping to garner some sympathy. He tells her again that he’s not interested in the ranch and she needs to turn around and walk away before one of them says something else that they can’t take back. They talk about their relationship when they were young.
– Picks up on weird vibes between Antonio and Eulalia at supper and is irate.
– Yells at Ramon after he jumps Antonio, saying that her brother doesn’t care about Ramon’s stupid whore.
– Pulls Antonio aside and dresses him down – please tell me you aren’t pissing off Domingo to chase after that girl. No wonder he plans to disinherit you. He argues, saying that Bernardo can only watch the stock – he doesn’t have the smarts or the balls to deal with the bigger stuff. Maria tells him that Domingo doesn’t agree. He’s never loved either of them – they are just tools to use in all his little plans. We do all the dirty work and he gets the reward. Leaves Antonio to stew on that.
– Finds Antonio right as he is losing it after his last encounter with Jaime. She tries to calm him, but he can’t seem to see her. He was her last ally and she’s losing him as well.
– Confrontation between Maria and Domingo. She stabs him, then tries to calm Antonio, telling him that now they are free of him, and they can both get what they deserve. All they have to do is kill Ramon. He chokes her to death.
Changes: Maria was by far the least developed character in previous drafts, so this process really helped me get to her core and make her far more active in the story. She interacts with the other characters in more meaningful ways.
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DAY 5
Jeff Hall’s Character Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of breaking down each character’s journey and improvement them one by one. AND being INTENTIONAL, rather than improving while writing.
BENJAMIN COLE (arch = Coward/Brave)
1. Profile –
Core Character Traits – Abused, hurt, needs family, needs love, protective.
Character Subtext Logline – Ben is a deputy addicted to opium. Secretly killed his abusive father for killing his mother. He is looking for redemption.
Flaw – Lives with the guilt of killing his father and letting his father kill his mother.
Secret – He killed his father
Something he does not want to admit to himself: He is consuming opium to numb himself from his pain. He does not have it under control. He tells himself and other that he has headaches.
2.Beginning/middle/end – Ben is an outsider in his home town. Given no option but to leave the town. Finds life and purpose at the orphanage.
3.Beats of Story – His innocent friend is hung for murder, Can not convince sheriff to look for real murderer, (improvement: pulls gun on the executioner but is too cowardly to fire). fiance cheats on him, leaves home town, robbed, looks for murderer, accused of murder and hung, survives and escapes to next town, orphanage helps him, real murderer tries to burn town orphanage, fights murderer.
4. He is depressed/cowardly in the first act
5. He is depressed in the first act/Finds happiness and purpose at the orphanage
ROY (arch – no responsibilities/responsible)
1. Profile –
Core Character Traits – Mentally Retarded, hard worker, honest, innocent.
Character Subtext Logline – Simple “hand to mouth” life.
Flaw – trusts everyone
Want/Need – Companionship
2.Beginning/middle/end – in prison for public intoxication, discovers bodies, hung
3.Beats – Wakes in prison, let out to get to work, discovers bodies, brings dead girl to town, locked up for his protection, mob takes him, hangs and dies.
4.He is smitten with the little girl. Wishes he could have a daughter like that.
5. Show Roy emotional tie to the family and the great loss. And then he is happy whenever, he is told he is about to see her again.
SHERIFF MERL GRAYSON (arch – selfish/self sacrifice)
1. Profile-
Core Character Traits – Selfish, self promoting, womanizer,
Character Subtext Logline – Seeks status to make him feel self-worth.
Flaw – Will do anything to keep getting re-elected.
Something he does not want to admit to himself: he is extremely lonely.
2. Beginning/middle/end – Selfish, betrayal, repentive/self-sacrificing
3. Beats- Unpleasant interaction with Ben, wishes Ben was more like his father, sees the dead girl and locks Roy up, investigates the house, does not stop the mod from killing Roy, Caught cheating with Ben’s fiance, helps save Ben from being hung to death, killed by the Tall Man.
4. Needs Improvement – helps save Ben/killed by the Tall Man
5. Improvement – Shows repentiveness/stumbles across the Tall Man and realizes that Ben was right. Is killed trying to stop the Tall Man.
Maria Sanchez (arch – guarded / lets love in)
1. Profile –
Core Character Traits – Committed, tough love, loving, discerning,
Mission/Agenda – She will never leave the orphans. Love the children as her own.
Character Arc: Guards her heart / Falls for Ben.
2. Beginning/Middle/End – Heart guarded/cares for Ben/falls for Ben
3. Beats – reluctantly helps Ben, tells Ben he has to leave, but still helps him, helps put out fire and save kids, rebuilds orphanage, falls for Ben.
4. Needs Improvement – Tell Ben he has to leave / Help hims
5. Improvement – With yelling, she kicks Ben out / Again reluctantly helps him while in the street and has a moment with him (a simple but powerful conversation where they’re both vulnerable with each other).
The Tall Man (arch – madness/more madness?? Monster may not need arch)
1. Profile –
Core Character Traits – cold, no feeling, numb, quiet, does not talk, manic.
Mission/Agenda – consume souls of the dying. Feed his addiction
Something he does not want to admit to himself: he is possessed by a demon.
2. Beginning/middle/end – kills quietly at night, kills in the day, kills on a grand scale.
3. Beats – kills Petersons, kills Mullers, kills Sheriff Merl burns down orphanage.
4. Needs Improvement – kills Sheriff Merl
5. Improvement – instead of just killing Merl, we up the drama and see inside his mind.
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