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Day 22 Assignments
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16 Replies
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Ed. Gillow Interest Scene
What I leaned doing this assignment is that I’ve learned a whole boat load of interest techniques. Now I got to practice more with them to get proficient with them.
Logline: Person B screws over Person B, what is Person A going to do about it?
Interest techniques ideas:
Suspense: A approaches B, what’s going to happen?
Major twist: B thinks A wants to fight, but A offers truce
Surprise: C calls out B in front of everyone
Interesting setting: Boxing gym
Mislead/reveal: A defends B against C
Superior position/dramatic irony: still thinking on this one.
Uncertainty-hope/fear: back and forth between A, B and C
Intrigue: TBD
Mystery: TBD
Cliffhanger: TBD
Dilemma: C offers B choices, both bad.
Something unseen: Figure D in shadow offers C money to mess with A and B
Character changes Radically: A originally wanted to fight B but instead offers truce
Betrayal: Shadow Figure D turns against A and B
Dilemma: see above
Uncomfortable moment: when C calls out B in front of everyone in gym, moves A to get involved
SCENE:
INT. MICKEY’S BOXING GYM – DAY
Several boxers work out at different stations throughout the boxing gym.
BAKER, 20s, white, works out in the center ring with DELTA, 50s. Delta works the target gloves with Delta…
WHEN:
ALPHA, 20s African American, bursts through the front door.
Several of the fighters turn toward the front.
Alpha strides up to the ring, points to Baker.
ALPHA
Say chump. Why you mess over me with Mickey?
BAKER
What are you talking about?
Alpha jumps into the ring and gets in Baker’s face.
ALPHA
You know what I’m talking about.
Mickey moves in between Alpha and Baker.
MICKEY
All right you two, that’s enough. What’s done is done.
Alpha and Baker stare off at each other. When:
Alpha offers his hand to Baker.
BAKER
What’s this?
ALPHA
Truce.
BAKER
What’s the catch? I thought you wanted to fight.
ALPHA
Ain’t no catch. Plan and simple. Truce. Shake or no?
Baker shakes Alpha’s hand.
MICKEY
Okay, can we get back to work?
A couple of more stare downs, then Alpha leaves the ring.
Mickey gets Baker refocused on the speed gloves.
Alpha sits down near the ring. Watches Baker work out.
Across the gym, a FIGURE in shadows speaks to CHARLIE, 20s a brute of a man.
FIGURE
Hey kid? Want to make a quick hundred bucks and have some fun too?
Charlie looks at the figure.
CHARLIE
What I gotta do?
FIGURE
Call out Baker in front of the whole gym. Push it until I give you the signal.
CHARLIE
Fifty up front. Fifty when it’s done.
Figure hands Charlie fifty bucks.
Charlie takes the money and saunters over to the ring. He punches air as he makes his way over. He stands in front of Alpha.
CHARLIE
Hey you. Washed up.
Baker and Mickey stop, Baker looks at Charlie.
BAKER
Whaddya call me?
CHARLIE
Washed up. I’m calling you out in front of this whole gym.
All the fighters in the gym stop what they are doing and start moving to the center ring.
Alpha stands up and moves to Charlie’s left.
Baker and Mickey look at each other.
CHARLIE
What are you looking at? That old man ain’t gonna help you.
Mickey takes a step toward Charlie.
MICKEY
Why, you no good punk…
Alpha steps between Mickey and Charlie.
ALPHA
What’s the problem, Charlie?
CHARLIE
Stay outta this Alpha, my beefs not with you.
ALPHA
I beg to differ Charlie boy. You messing with my boy. That ain’t gonna happen.
Alpha moves closer to Charlie’s face.
Charlie moves right to eye Baker, points his finger at him.
CHARLIE
I’m calling you out punk. I’m giving you a choice fight me and I’ll kick your ass or wimp out and everyone in this gym will know you are just a punk.
ALPHA
I said back off asshole.
CHARLIE
Or what? What are you gonna do piss head? You’ve lost your last five fights. I’ll bust you up.
Alpha takes a step back and puts his hands up.
ALPHA
Let’s put your money where you mouth is.
Charlie put his hands up as the two fighters circle around the ringside.
Other fighters back up to give them room… WHEN:
The figure moves out of the shadows, it is DELTA, manager of several of the fighters and part owner of gym.
DELTA
HEY!
Everyone freezes, as Delta makes his way to the ring. He speaks to Alpha and Baker.
DELTA
I don’t want my fighters engaged in worthless trash talking and throw downs. Understand me?
ALPHA AND BAKER
Yes sir, Mr. Delta.
Delta turns to Charlie.
DELTA
If I ever see you in this gym again… well, let’s just say you won’t enjoy what happens to you.
Charlie is about to speak…
Delta motions to a couple of the fighters.
DELTA
Get his boney ass out of here.
Three fighters grab Charlie and manhandle him out of the gym.
Delta turns back to Alpha, Baker, and Mickey.
DELTA
As for you three. Any more shit like this happens again. Well, let’s just say you won’t enjoy what happens to you.
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Ed: Really enjoyed the scene you have created. Your capacity to lean into the assignment impresses me. Like you, several of these Interest techniques will take much practice on my part. I am thrilled that your current script made it to the quarterfinal stage of the script contest. I wish you great success with the rewrite base don what we are learning in this class. Thanks for sharing. Bob Kerr
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Robert. Once again, thank you for you kind words. My old brain takes time to really lock these new techniques in. We certainly have had a lot of practice in this class. I hope to take what I learn from it and improve two scripts that have promise. Thank you for your wishes. Ed.
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You did a really great job with all nineteen interest techniques! Congratulations!
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Bob Kerr: MAX Interest assignment.
What IO learned from this assignment is that I am not comfortable using all these techniques in a random process. I see how to applyu them in my script but will need lots more practice to develop mastery over them in a completely random situation.
LOGLINE:
Person A is persuaded by a woman to bury the hatchet with Person B so she and Person A can live happily ever after only to betray Person B into a fatal reality.
Interest technique ideas:
Suspense: A approaches B with a weapon in his hand.
Major Twist: The woman betrays Person B and takes the gun from Person A and kills Person B
Surprise: Person B is returning from the doctors office after being told he has six weeks to live.
Put In More Interesting Situation: Person A is backstage at an award show and extends a peace offering to Person B before the curtain goes up.
Mislead/Reveal: Person B is dying and he wants to get forgiveness from Person A.
Character Changes Rapidly: Person A with Person C by his side offers Person B what Person B wants most in life, Person C by his side. Person A leverages Person C to bushwhack Person B.
Betrayal: Person C enters with Person B as Person A comes to let bygones be bygones. As Person B extends his hand to shake Person A’s hand, Person C takes a gun out of her purse and fatally shoots Person B
Superior Position/Dramatic Irony: Person A has been offered a prized promotion but she must enlist the support of her ex-lover Person B. With the aid of her new lover Person A gets a meeting and makes a peace offering. Person B is ready to accept but Person C suggests that he has blackmail material and Person B must pay or be exposed as a drug addict.
Uncertainty/Hope – Fear: Person A has reluctantly agreed to Person C’s threat of bodily harm if he doesn’t set up Person B. Person B has already paid to assassinate Person A when they meet.
Intrigue: Person A doesn’t realize that her plans to setup Person B when she approaches Person B to “make-up” has been revealed to the authorities and Person A is faced with a lose-lose situation.
HOOK: Person A is given the choice to “bait & switch Person B or her child will be killed
Dilemma: Person A doesn’t see as way out of a lose-lose situation unless she sets-up her lover for a fall.
Predictions: Person A offers a peace offering to assure happiness and joy for all concerned.
Something Unseen: Person A has Person C hide in the shadows with a microphone has Person A talks to Person B about the bank job they pulled last year where people died. The whole purpose is to get Person B to acknowledge that reality.
Mystery: Person A has been absent from Person B’s life for six months after screwing him over. Mysteriously Person C enters the scene and the outcome is ominous for Person B
Creating a future: Person A promises that there is a future together after Person B accepts her apology for falsely accusing him of domestic violence.
Anticipatory dialogue: Person B tells Person A that he doubts this out of the blue offer to mend fences. Once a cheat always a cheat and liar.
Cliff Hanger: Person A has paid Person C to target Person B for termination. After the hand shake, Person C aims and fires and we hear Person B tell person A: not this time.
Uncomfortable moment : Person A has gone to great lengths to get Person B to agree to a meet. Person C has agreed to double cross Person B at the right moment. Before the meet, Person C tells Person A that the fate of Person B is the same fate as Person A.
SCENE:
INT: UNIVERSITY DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Rich has been called to the Directors office. He is expecting praise for his recent national award. The Director, James, had been harsh on Rich for delaying completion of the project and Rich was expecting to get an “Atta Boy” and an apology for the way he was chastised by the Director in front of the entire staff. Rich walks in to office and see’s Leanne, the Assistant Director also in the room.
RICH:
Good afternoon. I think you’d be very excited about the award I received. Doesn’t It look great for us and the university.
DIRECTOR:
Yes, it is a good thing and your work is appreciated. I want to extend my congratulations on your recognition and Leanne is here to take our picture for the Alumni Magazine. This is a big deal and we want everyone to see the good work you have done.
LEANNE:
Now lets get the two of you together and James has the certificate from CASE. Now just stand together and hold the certificate and smile.
James and Rich follow instructions. Leanne snaps a couple of pictures and then leaves the room. Rich is excited and looks to also leave the room. James tells him to stay and close the door.
JAMES:
I want to clear up any confusion you might have about how things operate around here.
RICH:
I’m not sure I understand. Whatever it is I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.
JAMES:
I doubt it. Now sit down!
James tone has changed from the welcoming voice to one of irritation and frustration. Rich sits down and starts to look sheepishly at the floor.
JAMES(CONTINUED)
When I hired you do you remember what I told you about the students?
RICH:
The students. The only thing I remember is you wanted me to get them focused and rejuvenate Homecoming. That’s what I did. That’s what the award is for. What are you referring to?
JAMES:
Funny memory you have Rich. I told you dating students was cause for instant termination. Now, do you remember that?
RICH:
Of course. But, I’m not dating any students in our program.
JAMES:
You seem confused. The point wasn’t limited to just the students in our program it was for any student at all.
RICH:
There is no university policy about fraternization with students. They are legal adults
and as long as I don’t supervise them I have done nothing wrong.
JAMES:
Strange defense. Regardless, I’ve had Leanne watching you for some time. She has been giving me weekly reports on your performance and behavior. Seems like you took over her meeting with the student group last week. She’s your superior and that is unacceptable.
RICH:
I did exactly what she asked me to do. Don’t believe everything she tells you about the session with the students.JAMES:
Regardless. I want your resignation on my desk by end of business today. You have one month severance . Now get your things out of here tonight!
RICH :
This is bullshit!
JAMES:
Rant and rave all you want. I won’t tolerate the kind of behavior you’ve exhibited with
any student under any circumstances. Now get out of my office and you have this afternoon to clean out your office.
INT: RICHS OFFICE
Rich has just finished emailing his resignation letter. He starts to box up his personal belongings. Leanne walks into the office.
LEANNE:
Tough break. What are you going to do next?
RICH:
First why did you lie about what happened with the student group. You know damn good and well that you asked me to take over that meeting.
LEANNE:
Simple. When you and fucked me, you didn’t come back after the first night. Can’t have any man having that kind of leverage over me. Next time a woman seduces you, think before you act.
Leanne snarls and leaves the room.
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Wow! I loved how well you did with the ideas/brainstorming. You would be a great one to co-write with. I tend to write by the seat of my pants. I would say it won’t take too long for you to master these new techniques based on the level and detail of your brainstorming. Well done.
Great scene by the way. I loved the back and forth. Based on your scene, I missed a scene on mine showing the reveal.
Very nice work Bob.
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Ed: thanks for your feedback. One of my hopes going into this class was to build a network of writers to collaborate with and pursue mutual interests. I tend to also writ by the seat of my pants, after a long process of mental exercise to get to a potential scene. My writing nook is filled with pinups of the various interest techniques and I just methodically go down the list. A holdover from my days teaching.
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You did a great job with all of the interest techniques! Congratulations! Keep it up! My only confusion came when I read your introductory information. I never saw a gun. Does this come later in the scene?
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Alfred Travis’s Interest Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is… ? Explore!
Logline: Beau returns to his brother Lefty. Bo feigns peace, no hard feelings, but he really wants Lefty to reveal his secret that his mother did not give birth to Beau.
Interest Technique Ideas:
Structural: Intrigue, Mystery, Something Unseen.
Character: Uncomfortable Moment
Dialogue: Hook
INT. LEFTY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Lefty pours drinks of Brandy.
LEFTY
We good?
BEAU
Should we not be good?
LEFTY
It’s been awhile.
BEAU
I know.
Beau picks up the drink, takes a sip.
LEFTY
What have you been doing? Working?
BEAU
I’ve been thinking about us. Family.
LEFTY
That’s good.
Lefty takes a drink.
BEAU
I know you know.
LEFTY
That’s past. We’re brothers.
BEAU
The same right?
Beau sips his drink.
BEAU
Tell me. I know you know.
LEFTY
Right. There’s nothing for me to say.
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Alfred: You are new to the group. Welcome! Good concept and I encourage you to go a little deeper in apply the interest techniques. You have a great concept, just need to flesh it out with some action. Bob Kerr
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Hi Alfred! I agree with Robert. You have a great concept that needs a little more information for the reader since he/she won’t know the logline. This can be done with a few lines of dialogue from your characters. Good luck!
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Denice’s Interest Scene
Wnat I learned doing this assignment is the value of knowing the interest techniques and how to use them better with the set-ups.
SCENE:
EXT. PARIS, PARC MONCEAU – NIGHT
Sporadic lanterns provide circles of light in the darkness. Sirens break the silence.
Two figures race under shadowed trees. RICK JOHNSON (30’S), rugged rogue, grabs LANIE TRUST, (late 20’s) committed, tough.
He kisses her. Her eyes shine.
LANIE
I love you.
RICK
I’m gonna miss you.
He handcuffs her.
LANIE
What the hell?
RICK
I can’t get caught. Two many run-ins with the flics.
LANIE
Better French police over Russian. Take these off.
RICK
You’ll be fine, Miss Diplomatic Immunity. Where did you hide the cipher?
LANIE
Fuck you.
Footsteps and voices echo in the distance. Panic fills her eyes.
LANIE
Take these off or you’ll regret it.
RICK
Ah, sweetie. I can finish the mission.
LANIE
Our mission.
RICK
We both can’t get caught.
She kicks him. Runs away. He tackles her.
RICK
Where’s the cipher?
Her jaw clenches.
LANIE
Meet me in my favorite spot. Red Room. Louvre. Tomorrow.
RICK
Shit. You be there at three.
He slinks into the shadows.
Four BRITISH INTELLIGENCE AGENTS, dressed like French Police, hurry up. AGENT ONE grabs Lanie.
LANIE
He’s gone. Get these damn things off.
AGENT ONE
Right then.
Lanie glances at the trees where Rick disappeared. Sadness flits across her face.
LANIE
Set it up.
INT. LOUVRE, RED ROOM – DAY
Tourists from around the world crowd the room. Famous, large paintings dominate the walls, their subjects alive in brilliant color. Several parents hush their kids to uplifted noses.
Lanie sits on a bench in front of THE OATH OF THE HORATII. She glances at the doorways.
Rick glides inside. Eyes alert, searching. He takes a relieved breath. Sits by Lanie.
RICK
Why do you sit in front of this painting?
LANIE
Why do you want to finish our mission alone?
RICK
You mean too much to me.
LANIE
Liar.
He moves a hand inside his jacket. Points a gun at her.
RICK
Give me the cipher.
She sighs. Reaches under the bench. Retrieves a tiny disc.
LANIE
I thought you were smarter.
He snatches the disc.
Lanie pulls out a small syringe.
LANIE
If you come quietly, I won’t have to use this.
He raises an eyebrow. Smiles.
RICK
I don’t think so.
LANIE
That’s your problem.
EIGHT WOMEN AGENTS, disguised as mothers, disengage from the children around them. Surround Rick.
His mouth drops open.
RICK
Clever. I admit it. But, c’mon, sweetie. Let me go. You know you want to.
She swallows hard. Gazes into his eyes.
LANIE
Is money that important?
RICK
Says the woman born with a silver spoon.
He leaps up.
ONE WOMAN AGENT sticks a syringe in his neck.
Surprise, anger fill his face.
LANIE
Don’t worry. It won’t kill you.
Two Agents grab his arms. The others flank him.
He glares back at Lanie.
RICK
Tell me. What’s so goddamn great about that stupid painting?
LANIE
I would’t expect you to understand personal sacrifice.
She takes back the disc.
He snarls.
RICK
I’ll see you again, sweetie. I promise.
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Well, I guess I didn’t do the whole assignment.
Logline: Lanie suspects Rick is a double agent.
Interest Techniques: anticipatory dialogue, intrigue, uncomfortable moment, betrayal, character change, cliffhanger, create future, hook, interesting setting, major twist, mislead/reveal, prediction, something unseen, superior position, surprise/setup, suspense, uncertainty, dilemma, mystery
I think.
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Denice: Congratulations on another stunning scene setup and delivery. I am in awe of your creative mind and placing the scene in a very unique and interesting situation. As far as the lesson goes, I think the end result of your writing demonstrates that you have applied the concepts with energy and imagination. Bravo! Bob Kerr
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Thank you so much for your comments, Robert. You made my day. I really appreciate interacting with my fellow students since I’m usually alone with my critical self.
I seem to be out of order with the assignments, but will plunge ahead. My next assignment is the first version of the one you and Alfred and Edward did here.
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Denice! You come up with the GREATEST settings. Color me jealous. Totally hit homers on the interest techniques. You are very creative with the way you do them. Nice back and forth dialogue to create the tension, mood, etc and let us know who we are dealing with character wise. Great cliffhanger as well. Well done. You and Robert have really done well with the interest techniques.
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