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Day 15 Assignments
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THRILLER ASSIGNMENT DAY 15 (a)
Alfred’s Thriller Map Version 1 (b)
Away from home and my computer foe two days, my apologies, but this is what I have, so far. I am at
Title: THE MYTH (first draft)Logline (first draft):
Something or someone, is killing anyone who enters a certain, high mountain wilderness area. Mythical creatures? Aliens? A young Park Ranger doesn’t think so.
24 words
Thriller Map (first draft):
READABLE THRILLER MAP VERSION 1(b) — EXPANDED
Status Quo: Spencer goes high mountain fishing.
Which becomes:
FADE IN:
EXT. HIGH MOUNTAIN LAKE – DAY
SPENCER McDONALD, (28), is a young ranger in training. His goal is to become a Ranger Naturalist, but for the time being, he is stuck with a superior who has no interest in the naturalist part of it.
Spencer loves fishing for Golden trout, found only at the extreme altitudes of high mountain lakes. He hikes in via a steep, precarious trail, drops his pack lakeside, and –
LATER
–Reels in three beautiful fish which he fries on a tiny gas burner and –
LATER
–Eats with relished delight.
EXT. HIGH MOUNTAIN LAKE – NIGHT
There is a precipitous drop in temperature. Spencer finishes his cup of hot coffee and climbs into a warm-down mummy bag. His hot breath forms a tiny cloud around his face.
LATER
Spencer awakens to the yippy sounds of coyote songs down the valley below him. He smiles, is comforted, and falls back to sleep. He’s home.
Twist 1: On his return, Spencer stumbles onto four mutilated dead bodies and becomes embroiled in an investigation.
Clue 1: The bodies are mutilated and partially desiccated.
Mystery 1: Who or what did this? Human(s). Wild animal(s)?
Which becomes:
EXT. HIGH MOUNTAIN LAKE – DAY
Packed and ready to go, Spencer sets out on a more friendly trail back down the mountain.
The trail flattens out for a short distance, but to the west, it angles down. There is a single wire fence that surrounds the area with warning signs –
INSERT – SIGN, which reads:
“PROTECTED HABITAT AREA – DO NOT ENTER”
BACK TO SPENCER
Spencer
What the…? Why is this a protected area? There’s nothing here.
Further down the trail, well inside the fence, Spencer spots four mutilated bodies, somewhat desiccated by the high-altitude dryness.
Spencer touches nothing… looks around in fear and caution… moves quickly down the trail.
Trust: Spencer calls his superior, Russell, from a lodge, just outside the area. Russell tells him to stay put. The two men have known each other for several years, so he obeys.
Life Threatening: The killer(s) could be anyone, anywhere.
Misdirection 1: The focus is on Aliens and mythology.
Intrigue 1: The lodge owner, Elyne Bonet, is full of stories of mythological creatures and Aliens. She seems nervous, and odd, and has three huge dogs on her little “farm.”
Clue 2: The dogs are going wild at Spencer’s presence. Could they have killed those men?
Distrust: Spencer does not trust this woman or her dogs.
Which becomes:
EXT. LODGE AND PACK STATION – DAY
Spencer passes the National Park boundary marker and enters a wooded area, populated by a lodge, pack station, and a sort-of farm.
He enters the lodge’s open front door.
Spencer makes his way into a crude, but charming, old lodge, that appears warm and comfortable. [DESCRIPTIONS]
A delightful young woman greets him by the name of –
ELYNE MONET, (28), who is of French descent, speaks with an English-distorted French accent. She appears to be alone and a bit skittish, but calms when Spencer shows his credentials. Elyne is a derivative of Helen (of Troy).
SPENCER
My name is Spencer McDonald and I’m a National Park Ranger. I’ve been fishing, and I came across four mutilated and desiccated bodies on the high plateau. Do you have an outside phone that I can use to call my superior?
ELYNE
Maie oui – but of course — yes.
Elyne produces a land-line phone, and –
Spencer dials.
INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
SPENCER
Hello, Russell. This is Spencer. I’m at [DETAILS). I came across four mutilated bodies on the high plateau above the lodge —
RUSSELL
(interrupting)
Yes. I know. The District Office has already informed me. They’ve been getting worried phone calls about Aliems . I’m on my way. Stay put and don’t touch a thing.
SPENCER
Trust me. I didn’t. I’ll be here.
END TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Spencer looks to Elyne —
ELYNE
Yes. I heard. I have a room for you, but I have chores, now.
Spencer senses Elyne’s aloneness.
SPENCER
You seem to be alone. May I tag along… maybe help out?
ELYNE
(smiling broadly)
Yes. I’d like that. [DETAILS WHICH INCLUDE HIS ENCOUNTER WITH HER THREE HUGE, SCARY, IRISH WOLFHOUNDS IN HER MINI-FARM: GOATS AND CHICKENS PLUS HER HORSES AND PACK MULES].
INT. THE LODGE – NIGHT
It’s after dinner and before the great stone fireplace, Elyne regals Spencer with tales of Aliens and mythological creatures [DETAILS AND BACKGROUND INFORMATION] that seem more at home in the French Alps, than in America [BIG FOOT]. The fire in the great fireplace roars hot.
LATER
The fire is reduced to an orange-glowing bed of hot coals.
Elyne and Spencer sip cups of hot coffee [MORE CONVERSATION ABOUT BOTH OF THEM]
Elyne dismisses herself.
ELYNE
It’s nice to have someone to talk to, Spencer, but morning comes early around here.
SPENCER
Yes. I understand, and I, too, am tired. Goodnight, Elyne.
ELYNE
Goodnight, Spencer.
Spencer finishes his coffee, places his coffee cup on the hearth, shakes his head as if to say, that was weird, as he follows her disappearance, then makes his way to his own Spartan room.
Twist 2: Russell repeats Elyne’s stories of Aliens and mythical creatures, from the town’s people at the base of the mountain.
Clue 3: Russell’s willingness to pass off the story as mythical, regardless of his reasons, confuses Spencer, causing Spencer to double down on his getting serious. Why is Russell doing this?
Distrust: Spencer’s trust in Russell is under question.
Twist 3: Spencer’s objections are off-putting to Russell, which only deepens Spencer’s questions.
Mystery 2: Spencer cannot recall seeing any wounds that would spell murder
Mystery 3: Spencer questions the fence around the area where the bodies were found, marked off as Endangered Species Habitat.
Twist 4: The mutilated bodies, Spencer recalls, did not show typical weaponry wounds.
Misdirection 2: The focus changes to Elyne.
Which becomes:
Mystery 4: Who is this Elyne Bonet woman? Where did she come from?
Intrigue 2: Why is she telling these weird stories? Is she crazy or just odd?
Distrust: Spencer’s distrust of Elyne grows. There is still the question of her dogs.
Distrust: The more Russell buys into Elyne’s stories, the more Spencer is alarmed.
Suspense 2: Is Spencer and Russell in danger from this woman?
Which becomes:
Twist 5: In an attempt to gain Spencer’s trust, Elyne introduces him to her dogs. They’re just huge pussycats.
Reveal 1: The dogs are not good evidence for having caused the killings.
Trust: Spencer’s distrust of Elyne softens.
Twist 6: As Spencer’s distrust of Elyne softens, Russell’s seems to harden.
Clue 4: Elyne claims she has an iron-clad alibi. Russell questions it, but clings to her stories.
Misdirection 3: The focus changes, again, but this time to wild animals.
Twist 6: It seems unlikely that Elyne or her dogs played any role in the killings.
Twist 7: Russell seems irritated by Spencer’s easing up on Elyne. Orders Spencer to quit trying to solve the mystery.
Trust: Spencer, for the moment, believes that she is innocent.
Which becomes:
Distrust: Spencer’s about had it with Russell,
Twist 8: The coroner does not buy into a wild animal attack
Revel: The coroner says the evidence looks more like murder.
Mystery: What would cause such wounds
Intrigue: Could the coroner be right about some sort of bomb or bomb-like device?
Twist 9: Russell can’t get the coroner to change his mind. He still favors “wild animals.”
Distrust: Spencer is wondering what is wrong with Russell.
Which becomes:
Reveal: Spencer discovers that Russell requestioned a lot of fence wire.
Clue 5: There was an earthquake a couple of weeks ago, and the epicenter was exactly where both the fence and the murders took place.
Twist 11: Everything seems twisted and convoluted, and Spencer is thoroughly confused.
Which becomes:
Clue 6: Elyne says that her pack station is the only one within reach of the death zone.
Reveal: Spencer discovers another pack station on the other side of the mountain that is as close or closer to the murder zone as Elyne’s.
Distrust: Why did Elyne not know this? Did she not know, truly, or is she lying? Why?
Which becomes:
Twist 12: Spencer once again begins to question Elyne, again. Is she covering for Russell?
Distrust: Spencer’s distrust of Elyne returns. Along with his growing distrust of Russell.
Misdirection: The focus returns to Elyne and some possible relationship between her and Russell.
TURNING POINT 1: Spencer returns to his suspicions about Elyne, her dogs, and her possible relationship to Russell
ACT 2
[Elyne becomes the dedicated focus]
Twist 13: Russell orders Spencer to cease and desist his investigations.
Misdirection: Russell turns on Elyne, and suggests it was some sort of revenge killing with her well-trained “killer dogs.”
Twist 14: Russell now favors Spencer’s version of what happened, and Elyne becomes furious with both Spenser and Russell.
[MORE M. I. S., ETC.]
Midpoint Twist: Spencer is forced to suspect Russell, now, instead of Elyne
ACT 3
[Russell becomes the dedicated focus]
Turning Point 2: Spencer has Russell backed into a corner. He is clearly the suspect, now, but why? It doesn’t matter. Spencer has gotten too close to the truth. Russell comes after Spencer, loaded for bear, and Spencer has to run for his life.
ACT 4
CRISIS
ETC.
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I think you’re off to a great start here. You have a nice setup for your story with lots of information/character, your logline generates interest and you’ve touches on some of the conventions of a thriller. But you’re not done yet.
I would encourage you to incorporate the misdirects, twists, reveals, clues, etc into ‘un-tagged’ scenes in your story to make your Thriller Map easy to read. Capture the essence of your story, see how it flows without any dialog. This will help convert your story into a workable outline, a great way to see where your story may need some attention before starting on your script.
I’m very interested to see where you go from here. If I can help in any way, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
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· Assignment 15 If you would like to exchange, please let me know. pgalbraith@epbfi.com
Subject line: Pat Galbraith’s readable Thriller Map
“What I learned is: It’s easier to locate where clues and misdirect go with an outline before completing the in entire script.
OPENING
Ext. Dirt Rd – Day
Two young boys bicycling on a dirt road through the woods come upon three bodies in a dump area.
They are so scared they run home to tell their parents.
Int. Bar and Grill – Night
Terry Holder having a drink in a bar. Gets the news “His brothers are missing.” Why?
Int. John George home – Day
The detectives interview the main suspect – John George. He’s belligerent with the detective. Why?
Ext. Searching Area -Day
Mr. Favors passes out food to the searchers to appear to be a nice guy.
Ext. Terry talks to neighbor’s – Day
The neighbors he interviews give John George a bad name.
He learns that John George has served time in prison for killing deer out of season and bringing them across state lines.
EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET – DAY
Terry notices poster’s hanging all over town advertising to buy property in the area.
EXT. SEARCH FIELD – DAY
In admiration the detective smiles at Favors for working with them.
EXT. YARD – DAY
Detective finds blood in John George’s truck and calls lab to come take a sample.
EXT. YARD – DAY
Lab workers come to take sample tell detective they get it back soon as they can.
EXT. LAB – DAY
Lab reports back to detective. Blood is from a deer.
· TURNING POINT 1
INT. TERRY’S MOTHER’S HOME – DAY
After discussions with his Mother Terry realizes that he must take over finding the killer.
EXT. JOHN GEORGE’S HOME -DAY
John George is not home, but he’s son is. Terry tries to talk to the boy. Terry gets angry when he becomes belligerent like his father did.
Terry believes he is hiding something.
EXT. NEAR MR. FAVORS SHED – DAY
Mr. Favors catches the boy looking around his shed.
EXT. HWY NEAR FREEWAY – NIGHT
That night the son is found dead in his car.
INT. JOHN’S HOME – DAY
John George calls Terry to discuss his son.
He thinks Terry killed his son.
EXT. CITY STREET -DAY
· Terry talks with John George on the street. A fight breaks out. (Both men believe lies) MIDPOINT
· EXT. JOHN GEORGE’S YARD – DAY
· John George is shot in his yard by a drive by.
· EXT. HWY DAY
· detective and Terry are run off the road by a black sedan.
· INT. JAIL – DAY
· John George’s son is brought in and interrogated.
· TURNING POINT 2:
· INT. TERRY’S HOME -DAY
· Terry gets a tip that the ATVS may be in Mr. Favors storage shed.
· CLIMAX:
· EST. FAVORS SHED – DAY
· The ATVS were found in the storage shed. Mr. Favors was arrested after a standoff.
· EXT. JAIL – DAY
· Mr Favors brought into jail finally confess. As Terry walks down the steps at the jail. A black sedan drives by Mrs. Favors is driving.
· Terry stares in disbelief.
RESOLUTION:
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
· John George was released from the hospital.
· INT. TERRY’S FAMILY HOME – DAY
· Terry’s family got some closure.
· INT. JAIL – DAY
· John George was released on the charges of poaching after his longtime friend confessed
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Budinscak Thriller Map Version 1 – Day 15
My Thriller Map is more than just essence, it contains detail and some dialog. I thought it best to include more for a fun read, than to go back and strip out many of the parts.
If anyone would like to exchange critiques, please contact me either here or at docbuda@aol.com
Title: FOREST RANGER VICKI
Logline: Following up on a UFO sighting, a rookie Forest Ranger stumbles upon a secretive operation where to survive the night she must use all her girl scout training to evade the robotic animals on the ground, the drones in the air and the alien craft high above.
Thriller Map Version 1
INT – CAVE – NIGHT
A bruised, exhausted Vicki – our hero – collapses at the feet of a robotic animal.
SUPER: “5 Hours Ago”
EXT – RANGER STATION – DAY
Vicki trudges through a field practicing her nature walk for a big combined scouting event tomorrow morning. Vicki’s plain – she wears old style glasses, a hairstyle from another era, no makeup, a frumpy uniform – it all conceals she’s athletic with an inquisitive mind and a feisty spirit. And she’s a wee bit clumsy as well. Her counterpart, Chad, makes fun of her and her nature walk. He claims all the boys are lining up to play “Capture the Flag” and even the girls won’t be interested in her nature walk. “That’s nice” Vicki replies.
Out of the corner of her eye, Vicki spots a helicopter flying overhead, followed by a drone mirroring its flight. Out of nowhere, a second, different drone joins.
INT – HELICOPTER – DAY
The Pilot is joined by three men dressed in tactical gear, the Commander – our villain – and his two henchmen. “So much for anonymity” says the Commander. He asks the pilot about UFO sightings in the area, pilot acknowledges the stories. The Commander pulls out a hi-tech collar, “This will tell us if they’re – it’s – human or not?”. The pilot smiles and asks what branch of the government the trio works for? The Commander smiles when answering, “I can’t tell you who I work for, cuz I’m not even here.”
The second drone pulls even to the pilot’s side window, and in a flash, zips straight up out of sight. “I hope that’s ours”, the Commander sighs. The pilot questions, “who’s else could it be?” The Commander – “theirs.”
EXT – SKY – DAY
The second drone flies straight up and out of sight.
EXT – RANGER STATION – DAY
“Wow” is all Vicki can muster captivated watching the second drone. Karen, her Supervisor, surprises Vicki and asks if she’s completed her assignments – Vicki has. Then it’s imperative Vicki report back to her desk in 30 minutes.
INT – RANGER STATION – DAY
The lights are off in the seating area as Vicki approaches her desk. She finds her desk has been changed – everything is covered in pink, frilly over-the-top girlie things –pens, pencils, staplers, picture frames, everything. Vicki whispers under her breath “What the ffff” before she finds a note – go to the “Bored Room”.
She opens “Bored Room” door entering the dark room. The lights pop on and everyone yells “Surprise” and “Congratulations” – it’s Vicki’s one-year anniversary as a Forest Ranger. It’s a fun party.
The helicopter pilot makes a zoom call to congratulate Vicki and he mentions the three strange government-types he dropped off near a closed mine. Vicki wants to know more, but the call drops and all she gets is the dreaded ‘quick busy’ signal.
INT – JEEP – DUSK
On her way home, Vicki’s attention is drawn to a flying object on her left and she’s momentarily blinded by what appears to be a lazar beam. The UFO spooks a herd of deer that run into the road. Just when Vicki’s senses return, she has to take a hard turn to avoid the fleeing deer – and crashes her jeep in a ditch. Nothing with a computer chip works – the jeep won’t start, the radio and cell phones have no service. Vicki starts walking.
EXT – ROAD – NIGHT
While walking in the middle of the road, Vicki checks her cell phone – nothing. She hears something following her in the woods, but she doesn’t see anything. Vicki picks up her pace. A HOWL – wolves. She sprints towards trees and quickly scurries up one.
The wolves run by her and approach a small bush. Vicki watches the wolves circle the bush, not hunting, but protecting, before they howl and leave. Vicki shimmies down the tree and approaches the bush. She finds two exotic kittens. A whirring noise above catches Vicki’s attention. She watches a drone fly into an abandoned mine. Vicki fabricates a make-shift sling, grabs the kittens – she cannot leave them behind – and walks to the opening of the mine shaft.
INT – MINE SHAFT – NIGHT
With her cell phone still inoperable, Vicki uses her Girl Scout training to make a torch that she brings with her. For light, she has a portable flashlight – a girl scout is always prepared – and sneaks into the mine.
INT – MINE OFFICE – NIGHT
The Commander and his team confront the Site Ops Manager about who’s in charge, what’s going to happen and the timing of it. The Site Manager is due a large bonus, as are his people, but there’s no question the Commander has the upper hand – the project will disappear by tomorrow morning. Everything associated with the project will be gone by the end of the day. It’s as if it never existed.
With kittens in tow, Vicki descends an old rotted ladder. Half way down, a few steps break and Vicki drops to the ground. A security system is activated in the mine office showing infrared images of three warm bodies – Vicki and the two felines.
INT – CAVE – NIGHT
Vicki finds a light switch … and the lights work. Why? The mine has been ‘officially’ closed for the past 20 years. Vicki sees flashlights and hears footsteps approaching as she scampers ahead, trying to conceal herself in a shallow doorway. A hand wraps around her mouth and drags her into a small room. Two men rush by.
Red loosens his hand over Vicki’s mouth. Vicki asks who he is and Red lies. He says he’s an escaped camper, but Red is actually the drone pilot and techie nerd from the original site team. He tells Vicki what direction to travel safely, and as soon as Vicki disappears, Red disappears through a hidden door.
INT – MINE OFFICE – NIGHT
Red carries his drone to the office, unaware of the regime change. The Commander calls Red out for exposing the mission. Red says he’s been given clearance by the highest echelons of Homeland Security. Red declares ‘these products are for the border patrol’. The Commander laughs off his claim – ‘you use these on … people?’. They counter back and forth – the Site Manager chimes in – but the Commander will not bend. Red will be punished for his unauthorized drone flights, especially that flight recorded and posted on the internet.
To ease his punishment, Red offers information to the Commander about the intruder’s ID and whereabouts. The Commander instructs Red to show his arsenal of ‘homeland security tools’. Red picks a specially outfitted drone and upgraded robotic animal. There’s another, but it’s not been tested. It will be a last resort.
INT – MAKESHIFT PRISON – NIGHT
Vicki comes around a corner, stumbling upon a makeshift prison with both human and animal captives. Humans – 4 campers. Animals – mountain lion, bobcat and an exotic house cat. Empty animal cages are strewn about. Vicki stashes the kittens before helping to free the campers. Only one camper is freed before Vicki’s pursuers return.
INT – MINE OFFICE – NIGHT
The Commander and others watch the pursuit unfold on the security system screens. Red preps the drone and robotic dog. He pilots the drone and sets the robotic dog to ‘auto search’ for Vicki.
INT – CAVE – NIGHT
Vicki and the camper do their best to elude the search team, but the search team catches up. Vicki escapes, but the camper is shot. Vicki stays with him for a brief time before the camper tells her to save herself. She leaves, but it’s not easy.
INT – MINE SHAFT – NIGHT
The drone flies effortlessly through the tunnel, dodging all obstacles. The robotic dog works slowly through the rough, pitted mine shaft floor. Once the dog hits a tunnel, its speed improves dramatically.
Vicki circles back to save the kittens. She’s chased down the tunnel by the drone. Vicki leaps over a large hole, but doesn’t make it completely across. She rolls down the hill and is hurt. A bruised, exhausted Vicki takes a few steps and collapses at the feet of a robotic animal. This is the opening scene.
INT – MINE OFFICE – NIGHT
The Commander’s two men sift through data and videos seeking specific information on UFOs. They secure a few examples – internet UFO and odd animal sightings – and delete the rest. Stuff that’s scheduled for disposal is piled on a cart they take when they leave.
The Commander waits for the other guards to bring the pesky intruder to the office. The Commander interrogates Vicki viciously. When he’s satisfied with her answers, he and his men leave. As soon as they leave, rats dart in and surround Vicki. They chew through the ropes securing her in the chair, look at her, then leave. Vicki hobbles out the door to escape.
INT – MAKESHIFT PRISON – NIGHT
The Commander listens to the campers’ plea to be released, but his attention is drawn to the animals. He strolls to the exotic cat’s cage and gets an unexpected response – the cat comes over purring. The mountain lion and the bobcat react the same way. The Commander speaks softly to the cat. The Site Manager enters – the exotic cat hisses, the lion and bobcat follow suit. The Site Manager claims one of the prisoners is an alien that changed into either human or animal form. The Commander produces his hi-tech collar and they try it on the campers, the collar doesn’t work. The Commander, Site Manager and Commander’s two men exit.
INT – MINE OFFICE – NIGHT
The Commander’s men return with an empty cart. The Commander asks Red what happened to Vicki – and Red tells him he doesn’t know or care what happened to Vicki. Red demands his bonus. The Commander pulls out a gun and shoots Red on the spot. The Commander’s men place Red’s body on the cart.
INT – DEEP MINE – NIGHT
Commander’s men dump Red’s body on top of the trash heap targeted to be buried.
INT – TUNNEL – NIGHT
Vicki slowly makes her way to the place she stashed the kittens. She stops many times listening to hear if she’s being followed. After a while she finds the exotic kittens – they seem larger. She places them in her protective sling and makes her way back to the makeshift prison.
INT – DEEP MINE – NIGHT
The Commander’s men bring their final load to the destruction site. They set a time for the explosives before leaving. They never notice Red’s body has been half-eaten.
INT – MAKESHIFT PRISON – NIGHT
Vicki releases all the human prisoners, helps them to her feet and directs the campers to safety. After they leave, Vicki opens the animal cages, unafraid of the two large cats. The kittens jump from the sling and nuzzle the exotic cat. The mountain lion and bobcat exit quietly.
The Site Manager bursts through the door, gun in hand. Vicki instinctively scoops up the three cats and protectively wraps her body around them. The Site Manager gets off one shot before the Commander subdues him. Vicki is seriously wounded.
INT – MINE OFFICE – NIGHT
Commander places Vicki on top of the desk. She dies. The Site Manager shows no remorse when he states ‘she needed her spirit broken’. The Commander wraps the collar around the exotic cat’s neck, and the alien General Gato appears. Imagine an upright walking 6-legged tiger. The Site Manager cowers in the background.
The Commander and his men have come to rescue their cohort. General Gato restores Vicki’s life, but with a twist. Her life has two beings living in one body – spirit and flesh. Vicki can extract her animalistic spirit whenever she desires. She rips apart the last members of the Site Manager’s team leaving him as the last one standing. The rest of the alien team converts to their normal form and take the Site Manager with them – just in case they get bored on the way home.
In one explosion of light – everything disappears – the Commander, his men, the aliens and the Site Manager. There’s no trace at all – nothing. It’s like they never existed.
EXT – MOUNTAIN PATH – NIGHT
The new and improved Vicki overtakes the campers. The campers notice the glowing eyes high in a tree. The spirit zips down and merges with Vicki as she emerges from the darkness. Everyone notices the difference in Vicki and they’re intimidated. But this new version of Vicki quickly calms all fears and leads the group to safety.
EXT – FOREST RANGER STATION – DAY
It’s a little after the official starting time and Vicki’s not there. Chad takes the podium to start the event when the crowd parts for Vicki. There’s something different, noticeably different, about her. It shows in her walk, posture, how she carries herself and especially her eyes – it’s hypnotic. People aren’t the only ones who notice the change, so do the animals. Rabbits, squirrels, raccoons, deer, foxes – a wide variety – venture to the fringe of the forest and beckon Vicki. The boys stop playing “Capture the Flag” and join their female cohorts on the nature walk. Now angry, Chad secretly enters the nature territory, but his unannounced visit is met by f Vicki’s spirit, something he’s never imagined. Frightened, he spins around and runs. The scouts take notice.
Vicki holds out her hand – an eagle lands gently on her unshielded arm.
All the scouts cheer – they love Forest Ranger Vicki.
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THRILLER ASSIGNMENT DAY 15-c
Alfred’s Thriller Map Version 3
This is intended only as a brief sample of what I’ve done so far. And I have found several logical problems to solve, of course. Hemmingway was right: “First drafts are crap.” I need to start a new, dedicated, Final Draft text and start writing seriously, keeping the MAP and the SCRIPT separate. I got very confused, doing this as a Class Post.
I am Alfred Dunham at alfreddunham@aol.com
Do not hesitate to drop me a line if you have questions. I’ve already gotten some good thoughts that anticipate, already, where I’m going with this.
LOGLINE
When a park ranger encounters the mutilated remains of several young men on a high mountain plateau, an investigation is begun that will subject him to near-certain death.
FADE IN:
STATUS QUO – SPENCER GOES FISHING
1:1 EXT. HIGH MOUNTAIN LAKE – DAY – StatUs Quo
SPENCER McDONALD, (38), is a young ranger in training. His goal is to become a Ranger Naturalist, but for the time being, he is stuck with a superior who has no interest in the naturalist part of it.
Spencer loves fishing for Golden trout, found only at the extreme altitudes of high-mountain lakes.
He hikes in via a steep, precarious trail, drops his pack lakeside, pulls out his fishing gear, and reels in three beautiful fishes which he —
LATER
— Fries on a tiny, portable, gas burner, and —
LATER
— Eats with consummate delight.
EXT. HIGH MOUNTAIN LAKE – NIGHT
After the sun sets, there is a precipitous drop in temperature.
Spencer finishes his cup of hot coffee and slides into his warm, down-filled mummy bag. His hot breath forms a small, white cloud around his face.
LATER
Spencer awakens to the yippee sounds of coyote songs down the valley below him. He smiles, is comforted, and falls back to sleep. He’s home.
TWIST 1 – Spencer discovers mutilated bodies
EXT. HIGH MOUNTAIN LAKE – DAY
Packed and ready to go, Spencer sets out on a more friendly trail back down the mountain.
The trail flattens out, even as it slopes away, a short distance to the west.
There is a peculiar single-wire fence just off the trail to the west, that marks off a large area with warning signs –INSERT – SIGN, which reads:
“PROTECTED HABITAT AREA — DO NOT ENTER”
BACK TO SPENCER
SPENCER
(speaks aloud)
What the –? Why is this a protected area? There’s nothing here.
Further down the trail, well inside the fence, Spencer spots four mutilated bodies, somewhat desiccated from the arid high-altitude air.
Spencer touches nothing. He looks around in all directions with an air of numinous dread, then moves on down the trail with a bit quicker pace.
CLUE 1 – The bodies are partially desiccated and with no conventional wounds
MYSTERY 1 – Who or what would do this?
EXT. LODGE AND PACK STATION – DAY
Spencer passes the National Park boundary marker and enters a wooded area, populated by a lodge, pack station, and something of a makeshift farm.
He enters The Lodge by way of its open front door.
TRUST 1 – Spencer trusts his superior and calls him.
INT. THE LODGE – DAY
Spencer makes his way into a crude, yet charming old-style lodge that appears warm and comforting.
Beyond the reception desk, is a large leather couch and chairs-filled room, dominated by a huge stone fireplace. Deer heads hang from the log walls.
Spencer rings the bell on the reception desk.
He is soon greeted by a delightful young woman by the name of –
ELYNE MONET, (38). Elyne is a derivative of Helen (as in Helen of Troy). She is of French descent and speaks her French-distorted English with an engaging softness.
Elyne appears to be alone, and is a bit skittish, to begin with, but seems to calm as Spencer shows her his credentials.
SPENCER
My name is Spencer McDonald. I’m a National Park Ranger. I’ve been fishing Golden trout, and on my way down, on the plateau, I came across four mutilated, desiccated bodies.
ELYNE
I’ve heard.
SPENCER
Do you have a phone I could use to call my superior?
ELYNE
(mixes French and English)
Maie oui – but of course – Yes.
Elyne produces a land-line phone, and –Spencer dials —
INTERCUT — TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
SPENCER
Hello, Russell. This is Spencer. I’m at The Lodge, just outside the Park. The one with a pack station.
RUSSELL
Yes?
SPENCER
Coming down from the lake, I passed four dead bodies on the high plateau above the lodge. I –
RUSSELL
(interrupting)
I’ve head. The District Office just informed me they’re getting worried phone calls about mutilated bodies.
SPENCER
Yes. And desiccated. It’s obvious, they’ve been there a while.
RUSSELL
I’m on my way. Just stay put and don’t touch a thing.
SPENCER
Trust me. I didn’t. I’ll be here.
END OF TELEPHONE CONVERSATION.
Spencer looks to Elyne —
ELYNE
Yes, I heard. I have a room for you, but I have to run, now. I have chores.
Spencer seems to sense Elyne’s fear and aloneness.
SPENCER
You seem overworked and alone. Mind if I tag along and maybe help out?
Elyne smiles broadly, but Spencer also sees tears.
ELYNE
I’d like that.
LIFE-THREATENING 1 – The killer (s) could be anyone or anything.
MISDIRECTION 1 – The discussion turns to Aliens and mythical beasts.
INTRIGUE 1 – The lodge owner is an encyclopedia of mythical beasts.
EXT. ROAD – DAY
Elyne leads Spencer down the dirt road to the fenced-off area where she keeps her animals: four goats, about a dozen chickens, three horses, and, of course, about a half dozen mules.
INT. BARN – DAY
They enter via the side door to the barn and immediately begin preparing the stalls for the goats and the horses.
ELYNE
Do you know how to milk goats?
SPENCER
Cows. Can’t be all that different, though, can it?
ELYNE
(laughing)
You’ll do just fine.
The chicken coup and nests are incorporated into the barn structure, so Elyne goes outside to shoo the hens in for the night and to lock the door shut.
She brings the goats in with her, when she returns However, there are also three Irish Wolfhounds outside, as big as ponies, but with sharp teeth. They go crazy when they become aware of Spencer.
ELYNE
Those are my working dogs. They keep the coyotes away, along with whatever else wanders down here.
SPENCER
You mean, like me?
Elyne just laughs.
It’s summer, so the horses and the mules stay outside in the corral.
Elyne feeds the dogs and the outside animals.
Spencer feeds the inside animals, and helps milk the goats.
EXT. ROAD – DAY
Done in record time, Elyne locks the barn door, and there is a playful sense of merriment in Elyne as she promises to cook a special meal.
ELYNE
I feel like doing something special, tonight. Do you like venison?
SPENCER
Yes, I do.
ELYNE
The road up here is so long and difficult, I can’t just run down to the store for a quart of milk, you know —
SPENCER
I understand. I grew up under similar circumstances.
ELYNE
Really? Then I guess you’d know.
SPENCER
Yes, and I do like goat milk… and chèvre —
INT. THE LODGE KITCHEN – DAY
Spencer puts the buckets of milk on the kitchen counter.
SPENCER
What else can I do?
ELYNE
You don’t have to do anything, but if you’re still inclined, you can grab some potatoes, over there in the bin –Elyne points.
SPENCER
— And peel them. Gotcha.
ELYNE
Are you always like this?
It’s Spencer’s turn to laugh out loud.
SPENCER
It beats sitting out there, talking to myself, doesn’t it? I like talking with you.
ELYNE
And I, you. Tell me about yourself.
SPENCER
Are you sure about this?
Elyne laughs, again.
Spencer begins to rattle off his story and Elyne hangs on to his every word —
SPENCER
I was born on a northern, midwestern farm, a million miles away from anywhere — or at least it seemed —
INT. THE LODGE FIREPLACE – NIGHT
It’s after dinner. Elyne and Spencer kick back in those big leather chairs, before the great stone fireplace. The fire roars hot.
Elyne regals Spencer with far-fetched stories of ferocious beasts that sound all to similar to those horrid Biblical beasts — especially that one with the iron claws and teeth that claws and rips everything to rubble.
ELYNE
My grandparents came here from the French Alps, to escape the war, and built this place. My parents, then, ran the lodge until they died.
SPENCER
So you’re from France?
ELYNE
No, I was born right here. My mother home-schooled me.
SPENCER
Okay, I was wondering. You seemed too young to have —
ELYNE
No, this is where I’ve always lived. But Mama also taught me the old stories, too.
SPENCER
What old stories?
ELYNE
The ones about the Owlbear, and, of course, Bahamut.
SPENCER
Those are mythical creatures.
ELYNE
Not necessarily. Some say that Behemoth, in the Bible is the same as Bahamut.
SPENCER
(chuckling)
You’re probably right about that. Do you believe in Sasquatch and the Yeti?
ELYNE
I don’t know. Some do. Mama, however, was French. There are many more, of course.
SPENCER
Yes, Leviathan is also Biblical, and others.
ELYNE
Let me go make so coffee.
Elyne makes for the kitchen, and Spencer stands before the fire.
LATER
Elyne and Spencer sip cups of hot coffee and continue to share their life stories as indistinct chatter, late into the night.
LATER
The fire is reduced to a hot, bed of orange-glowing coals.
ELYNE
It’s nice to have someone to talk to, for a change, Spencer, but morning comes early around here.
SPENCER
I understand. Wake me, if I’m not already awake. I’ll help you with the milking, and whatever.
ELYNE
Spencer, thank you, but you don’t have to do that.
SPENCER
I know, but I want to.
ELYNE
Okay, then. Goodnight, Spencer.
SPENCER
Good night, Elyne. Tomorrow –Spencer places his coffee cup on the hearth as he watches Elyne disappear.
He shakes his head as if to say, that was different, and makes his way to his own Spartan room.
^^^ETC.
CLUE 2 – The townspeople think it’s Aliens. Why? How?
TWIST 2 – Russel seems to be favoring this nonsense.
DISTRUST 1 – Why is Russell falling for this?
CLUE 3 – This says something about Russell
DISTRUST 2 – Can Russell be taken seriously?
TWIST 3 – Spencer comes to philosophical blows over this.
MYSTERY 2 – Spencer cannot remember seeing any conventional wounds.
MYSTERY 3 – Why is there a fence around that piece of ground?
TWIST 4 – Not only who or what did this, how did they become so mutilated?
MISDIRECTION 2 – The focus changes to Elyne.
MYSTERY 4 – Who is this Elyne Bonet person, anyway? Really? She doesn’t seem to exist.
INTRIGUE 2 – Why is she telling these strange stories?
DISTRUST 3 – The more Russell buys into Elyne’s stories, the more confused and defensive Spencer gets.
SUSPENSE 2 – The question is raised, how much in danger might Spencer and Russell be in, around Elyne?
TWIST 5 – in an attempt to gain Spencer’s trust, she introduces him to her dogs.
REVEAL 1 – The dogs are pussycats. They are not good evidence for the mutilations.
TRUST 2 – Spencer’s basic trust in Elyne returns, but the essential questions have not been resolved.
TWIST 6 – As Spencer’s trust in Elyne returns, Russell’s distrust hardens.
CLUE 4 – Elyne claims an ironclad alibi, Russell challenges it, siting her stories may reflect something else.
MISDIRECTION 3 – The focus changes, once again, to wild animals. Spencer is skeptical.
TWIST 7 – To Spencer, neither Elyne nor her dogs seem likely.
TRUST 3 – Both Spencer choose to buy into the wild animals’ theory — Spencer, because he likes Elyne and believes her — Russell, because he distrusts her and is afraid of her.
TWIST 8 – Russell gets angry with Spencer for being too easy on Elyna.
DISTRUST 4 – Spencer has about had it with Russell and vows to ignore his demands.
TWIST 9 – The coroner does not agree with Russell regarding: wild animals.
REVEAL 2 – The coroner tells Spencer it looks more like murder
MYSTERY 5 – Then what would cause such wounds?
INTRIGUE 2 – Could the coroner be right about some sort of explosive device?
TWIST 10 – Russell can’t get the coroner to change his diagnosis to “wild animals.”
DISTRUST 5 – Russell’s defiance leaves Spencer to wonder what’s wrong with him. Something is not right.
CLUE 5 – It comes to Spencer’s attention that the epicenter for the earthquake, about three weeks earlier was exactly where the dead bodies were found.
TWIST 11 – Earthquakes, mutilated bodies, fenced-off area… Spencer is so confused, he doesn’t know what to think.
CLUE 6 – Elyne has told Spencer that her pack station is the only one in the area.
REVEAL 3 – But, Spencer finds another pack station as close to or closer to the area in question as Elyne’s — on the other side of the mountain range.
DISTRUST 6 -Why did she not know this? Or is she hiding something?
TWIST 12 – Spencer begins to distrust BOTH Russell and Elyne
DISTRUST 7 – Spencer does not trust anyone!
MISDIRECTION 4 – The focus changes to Elyne and some alliance between her AND Russell.
^^^TURNING POINT 1 – Spencer’s fears force him outwardly suspect Elyne and her “vicious” dogs — at least to Russell.
TWIST 13 – Russell’s fears that Russell may be getting too close, forces him to demand that Spencer stop his investigations. This only makes him more determined to find the truth.
MISDIRECTION 5 – Russell suggests the theory that the four dead men did something to Elyne and she and her dogs killed them in revenge.
TWIST 14 – Spencer adopts this theory (mostly to please Russell) and Elyne becomes furious with both him and Russell.
TWIST 15
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