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Day 12 Assignments
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Lesley Gives Great Clues!
What I learned:
– I discovered that I wasn’t clear on what the main mysteries are in my plot.
– The assignment made me realize that I needed to revise my thinking on several characters and their trajectories.
– Each of Hal’s ‘filters’ helps me dive deeper into character and plot development.
– That I hadn’t focused enough on developing clues.
– Some of the challenges I’m having may be related to the fact that I’m going to be writing a psychological thriller.
THE MAIN MYSTERIES:
MAIN MYSTERY #1: Is Christian a psychopath?
Clues:
– Christian wasn’t proven innocent; his verdict was overturned because of tainted evidence.
– Before his incarceration, Christian was a very successful investor. How he got the money to start with is unknown.
– Someone sends Sam an anonymous email warning her to stay away from Christian.
– Christian follows Sam and studies her. What’s he up to?
– He can be extremely charming.
– He has fits of rage.
– He’s after Sam’s money.
– He’s after Kelsey’s money.
– His pregnant ex-fiancé went missing.
– He ‘accidentally’ killed his baby brother when he was seven.
– He was fighting with his wife over her getting an abortion when she “tripped and fell down the stairs.”
MAIN MYSTERY #2: Can Sam solve the mystery & stop Christian from killing again?
Clues:
– Sam was an investigative reporter before going to work for the magazine.
– Something bad happened to Sam’s brother.
– Sam’s convinced that Christian is innocent.
– Kelsey elopes with Christian.
– Sam tracks down Rick Passero.
– Christian’s real name is Christopher Passero.
– Christian Passero filed for a marriage license to marry Donna Morales
– Olivia Morales, Donna’s mother, believes Christian killed Donna after she got pregnant.
– Sam tracks down Jason Lambert.
– Kelsey is pregnant.
– Sam buys a gun.
MAIN MYSTERY #3: Is Kelsey trustworthy or untrustworthy?
Clues:
– Kelsey dropped out of college and was just fired from her job in boutique.
– Kelsey returns home because she has been thrown out of her apartment because of back rent.
– Kelsey tries to undermine Sam’s relationship with Christian.
– Kelsey seduces Christian.
– Kelsey elopes with Christian. No pre-nup.
– Does Kelsey want Martha dead?
– Kelsey defies Christian and gets pregnant.
– Kelsey saves Sam.
– Kelsey kills Christian in cold blood after she’s out of danger.
LESLEY’S THRILLER MAP:
OPENING: Sam’s editor at the magazine assigns her to interview Christian Sparrow who caught “life” for killing his wife but was released after the blood expert who investigated his case goes to prison for corrupting evidence in his cases to get convictions.
Mystery 1: Why did Sam catch this assignment?
Mystery 2: Does editor have it in for Sam?
: Sam was an investigative reporter before going to work for the magazine.
Mystery 3: Why has Christian agreed to be interviewed?
Mystery 4: Did Christian murder his wife?
Intrigue: Why does Christian refuse to be interviewed until he googles Sam and reads about her wealthy family?
Clue: He’s after Sam’s money.
Suspense: Is Christian guilty or innocent? He was released on a technicality
Reveal 1: Sam rejected her editor’s sexual advances and he’s making her pay.
Reveal 2: Something bad happened to Sam’s brother.
Clue: Before his incarceration, Christian was a very successful investor. How he got the money to start with is unknown.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>INCITING INCIDENT: Sam meets Christian.
Direction: Sam expects Christian Sparrow to be thug.
Twist: He’s educated, insightful, sensitive, and very attractive.
Clue: Christian can be extremely charming.
Mystery 5: What is Christian’s relationship with Tracy, his attorney?
Twist 2:
Direction: Tracy is the pro-bono attorney responsible for getting Christian’s sentence overturned.
Twist: She’s sleeping with him.
Villain’s Plan 1: Christian knows that Sam comes from wealth. He needs to get her to trust him.
Reveal 3:
S: What will Christian be like? (He’s bearded, pumped up, and thuggish-looking in his prison photo’s.)
R: Christian is slim, shaven, good-looking, and educated.
M: Why doesn’t Tracy like Sam?
M2: Who is the mysterious friend who loaned Christian the house and “owes him”?
Reveal 4:
I: Tracy is jealous; accuses Christian of flirting with Sam.
I2: Christian threatens to have Tracy disbarred if she doesn’t stay away from him.
R: Tracy and Christian are sleeping together.
Clue: Christian threatens Tracy.
Mystery 6: Is Sam going to write a positive or negative article? How will Christian react?
Twist 4: (NEW)
Direction: Sam is determined to write an objective article.
Twist: Sam is not objective – Her brother went to prison for stealing money from his mother to buy drugs and he was killed while incarcerated.
Clue: Sam has a bias against the legal system
Life Threatening 2: Christian decides to make Sam his next victim.
Twist 5:
Direction: Sam declines Christian’s invitation to dinner.
Clue: Sam has fits of rage.
Twist: A few days later, she re-invites herself.
Twist 6:
Direction: Sam ‘s attraction to Christian deepens.
Clue: Sam believes Christian’s innocent.
Twist: Sam gets an anonymous email warning her to stay away from him and panics.
TURNING POINT 1: Sam falls for Christian.
Villain’s plan 2: Christian follows Sam; studies her.
Life-threatening 3: Christian sets Sam up to be seduced.
Mystery 7: Why does Sam trust Christian?
Direction: Sam stops seeing Christian after the email.
Twist: Christian ‘bumps’ into her at the cinema…
Clue: He’s stalking her.
Twist 7: Christian seduces Sam,
Reveal 6:
I: Sam, frightened by the email, stops all communication with Christian and he’s angry.
I2: Christian starts following Sam, studying her.
S: What is Christian going to do?
R: Sam is drawn back into Christian’s web when he ‘accidentally’ runs into her at the cinema.
Clue: Sam is falling for Christian.
S2: Has Sam become Christian’s prey?
R2: Sam sleeps with Christian.
R3: Kelsey shows up.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Clue: There’s something going on between Sam & Kelsey.
MIDPOINT: Sam betrays Christian.
Life threatening 4: Christian sleeps with Sam’s daughter.
Villain’s plan 3: Christian realizes that Sam has no money but her daughter Kelsey will get her trust fund money when she turns nineteen.
Reveal 6:
M: Who is Sam’s daughter Kelsey? Why does she return home?
I: Kelsey dislikes Christian and wants to undermine his relationship with Sam.
R: Kelsey is spoiled, narcissistic, and troubled.
Clue: Kelsey wants to hurt Sam… She wants to undermine Sam’s relationship with Christian.
M2: Why did Sam refuse her inheritance?
Clue: Martha & Sam are at odds.
R2: Martha, Kelsey’s grandmother is controlling and an alcoholic.
R3: When Sam’s younger brother stole money from Martha to buy drugs, Martha had him arrested and put in prison. He was killed during a prison fight.
Reveal 8:
S: What will Christian do now that he knows Sam has no money and Kelsey will be rich when she turns 21?
Clue: Christian targets Kelsey. He’s after her money.
I: Is there sexual energy between Kelsey and Christian?
R: Christian and Kelsey have sex.
R2: Christian & Kelsey elope.
Clue: No pre-nup. Is Kelsey really in love with Christian?
M: Why doesn’t Christian want children?
Clue: He resented his mother’s pregnancy and the birth of his little brother.
R3: Sam starts investigating. What will she find out?
TURNING POINT 2: Christian elopes with Kelsey; no pre-nup.
Mystery 8: Why is Kelsey so angry?
Mystery 9: Is Kelsey really in love with Christian or is she trying to punish her mother?
Direction: Kelsey, Sam’s hot-mess daughter, can’t stand Christian.
Twist: She ends up sleeping with him.
Life threatening 5: Sam is determined to find out the truth about Christian.
Life threatening 6: Sam gets another anonymous text
Twist 9:
Direction: Kelsey is about to receive all of the money her grandma Martha’s put in her trust.
Twist: Martha is going to void trust because of Kelsey’s marriage.
Twist 10
Direction: Kelsey loves her grandma
Twist: Kelsey thinks that she’d be better off if Martha was dead.
Life threatening 7: Sam discovers that Christian may have killed his fiancé who disappeared shortly after she announced that she was pregnant.
Reveal 9:
M: Who does the house that Christian had been living in belong to?
I: Sam finds out that the house is owned by a Rick Passero
R: Rick Passero is Christian’s father – he’s in hospice for stage 4 lung cancer. Christian changed his name from Passero (Sparrow in Italian)
Clues:
– Christian’s real name is Christopher Passero.
– Christian Passero filed for a marriage license to marry Donna Morales
– Olivia Morales, Donna’s mother, believes Christian killed Donna after she got pregnant.
Reveal 10:
S: Martha is going to change Kelsey’s trust – Kelsey will not receive her inheritance when she turns 21.
I: Kelsey tells Christian that she’d be better off if Martha was dead.
S2: Christian learns that death by suffocation is the hardest to prove. Now what is he going to do?
R: Christian kills Martha.
Reveal 11:
M: Was Kelsey responsible for Martha’s death?.
Clue: Kelsey believes that she’s responsible for Martha’s death.
I: Sam believes that Christian killed Martha.
R: The autopsy does not reveal foul play.
Reveal 12:
S: Sam visits convicted blood expert Lambert in prison.
R: Lambert says that he didn’t touch the evidence in Christian’s case; he didn’t have to because Christian is guilty as hell.
Reveal 13:
S: Sam discovers that Christian’s pregnant fiance went missing and was never found.
I: Sam visits the mother of the missing girl at her home in the valley. She’s convinced that Christian murdered her daughter when she refused to get an abortion.
R: Christian, at seven, ‘accidentally’ killed his baby brother.
Clue: Christian resented his mother’s pregnancy.
R2: The dead girl’s mother was sending the emails.
Reveal 14:
I: Kelsey is pregnant.
Clue: Kelsey defies Christian’s wishes.
M: Why would Kelsey get pregnant against Christian’s wishes?
S: When Christian finds out, he’s furious. What will he do?
Clue: He’s no longer acting “nice.”
R: Christian grabs Kelsey’s arm hard enough to sprain it and leave bruises.
R2: Sam finds out what Christian did to Kelsey and buys a gun.
Twist 11
Direction: Sam believes that Tracy is sending the emails
Twist: The mother of the missing girl has been sending the warning emails.
Twist 12
Direction: Christian said that the house he was staying in belonged to a friend from college who owed him.
Twist: The ‘friend from college’ turns out to be his father who is in hospice care (Christian changed his name.) Turns out, a seven-year-old Christian ‘accidentally’ killed his younger brother in a jealous fit.
Life threatening 9: Martha dies under unexplained circumstances before she can change her will.
Life threatening 10: Sam discovers that Christian may have killed his fiancé who disappeared shortly after she announced that she was pregnant.
Life threatening 11: Kelsey is pregnant.
Clue: Christian was fighting with his wife over her getting an abortion when she “tripped and fell down the stairs.”
Mystery 10: Why did Kelsey get pregnant when she knew that Christian didn’t want children.
Twist 13
Direction: Christian said that the house he was staying in belonged to a friend from college who owed him.
Twist: The ‘friend from college’ turns out to be his father. (Christian changed his name when he was 18)
Twist 14
Direction: Sam meets with Blood spatter expert Justin Lambert who admits that he doctored results on multiple cases.
Twist: Lambert swears that he never doctored evidence in Christian’s case.
Life threatening 12: When Christian finds out that Kelsey is pregnant, he’s enraged and shakes her hard enough to leave marks.
Life threatening 13: Sam realizes that Christian is going to kill Kelsey as soon as he can get away with it.
Life threatening 14: Sam buys a gun.
CLIMAX: Sam confronts Christian. Christian attacks Sam. Kelsey kills him.
Life threatening 15: Sam warns Christian to keep his hands off Kelsey, confronts him with everything she knows, says she’s going to tell the cops everything.
Life threatening 16: Sam draws her gun but Christian lunges at her and the gun is knocked out of her hand.
Twist 15
Direction: Sam & Christian are alone because Kelsey is in class
Twist: Kelsey comes home unexpectedly, picks up Sam’s gun, points it at Christian.
Direction: Christian is cornered; Kelsey has Sam’s gun trained on him. Sam starts to call 911….
Twist: Kelsey shoots Christian in cold blood.
Mystery 11: Why does Kelsey kill Christian when she has a gun trained on him and Sam’s calling 911?
RESOLUTION: Kelsey’s son’s fifth birthday…. Christian is dead, Sam is now editor of the magazine & Kelsey’s son is healthy.
TWIST 17 (NEW)
Direction: All is well that ends well.
Twist: Is the kid a psychopath like his dad?
Reveal 15:
I: Editor is fired.
M: Why is the editor fired?
R: Sam is the new editor of the mag.
Reveal 16:
R: It’s Kelsey’s son Teddy’s fifth birthday.
M: What’s wrong with Teddy?
R2: Teddy is a psychopath like his dad (and possibly his mother.)
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Lesley Harter.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by
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THRILLER ASSIGNMENT DAY 12
Alfred Gives Great Clues
What I learned doing this assignment is:
1. Ordering the clues and reveals are trickier than I thought. One misplaced clue or reveal can spoil he story.
2. This being the case, I re-brain-stormed through the opening scenes, focusing entirely on the Hero, Spencer.
3. And then I did a bit of re-ordering of the sequence of events.
4. I’m certain this will continue as I discover more story direction and events.
ASSIGNMENT
List out the three or four main mysteries in your story.
a. Who or what killed the four hikers?
b. Who is Elyna and is she nuts or just smart?
c. What is Russell up to?
d. Is Russell truly the Villain, after all
e. ?
Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries in your story.
CLUE 1 Spencer claims to have just stumbled onto this scene and knows nothing. But how would Russell know for sure?
CLUE 2 Maybe the dogs had something to do with the deaths.
CLUE 3 Why is Russell willing to do this? It’s idiotic.
CLUE 4 Elyna probably has nothing to do with anything.
CLUE 5 Russell requisitioned wire – for the fence?
CLUE 6 There was an earthquake about two weeks before the grizzly deaths.
CLUE 7 Elyna’s pack station in NOT the only one in the area.
So far, and I’ still not sure of the order, yet.
Decide which clues you want to use and sequence those into clue trails for each mystery.
(See Map)
Add the clue trails to your Thriller Map.
(See Map)
THRILLER MAP
MYSTERY: Who or what killed four hikers in a remote mountain wilderness?
END RESULT: Wild animals or Aliens are ruled out. The evidence points to murder.
HERO: Spencer
VILLAIN: Russell
RED HERRING : Elyne Monet
The Villain’s backstory – the part not seen:
There is an earthquake in a remote corner of a National Park. A park ranger, Russell, is sent to investigate the area around the epicenter. To his surprise, in the ruptured earth he finds pure gold along with incredibly pure ore. He calculates: 6 mules, 2-30lb sacks per mule (good mules can carry up to 150 pounds for short distances, but this is rugged territory, and the distance is 20+ miles), that’s a total of 180 pounds of high-grade ore which is worth close to $30 million. It is against the law to remove anything from a National Park, but he gets greedy and carries out his plan. But he gets even greedier, hopes to return, tries to hide the vein, fences the area off as a protected habitat and then bobby-traps the site, just in case. Four nosey hikers who don’t know how to obey, much less believe in signs, enter the area and are blasted to pieces with a device that cuts them to ribbons. Scavengers finish the mutilation.
ACT 1
STEP 1 – FADE IN/OPENING/CALL TO ADVENTURE: (The HERO is reluctant to go)
Status Quo
STORY: Spencer is a National Park Ranger who loves fishing the high lakes – Golden trout. He fishes. He fries his fish on a tiny camp burner, eats, and retires under a magnificent high-altitude sky so densely packed with stars, the constellations disappear. Sounds of coyote songs waft up the mountains, and Spencer sleeps content. In the morning, at first light, a cup of coffee, some pemican, and a hasty retreat. On his way down, by a slightly different route, he discovers the massacre. Wary, he touches nothing, and stays outside a low fence with endangered species habitat – keep out – signs. Just outside the National Park wilderness area is lodge. Spencer calls his superior, Russell, and Russell tells him to stay put and say nothing. Too late. The lodge owner, Elyne Monet, originally from the French Alps, already knows. Others have already reported it, and she is already full of Old-World mythical stories about Owlbears, the Great Bahamut (a shape shifter), and even Aliens. Those stories precede Spencer down the mountain.
CLUE 1 Spencer claims to havejust stumbled onto this scene and knows nothing. But how would Russell know for sure?
TRUST: Spencer and Russell are National Park Rangers who have worked together for some time. They know each other and trust each other.
STORY: Russell joins Spencer, and the next day the rent two horses and four mules to haul the somewhat desiccated bodies out of the mountains, to Russell’s truck, and are delivered to the County Coroner.
TWIST 1 Direction: Spencer goes fishing, but stumbles onto four dead bodies.
Twist: Russell ends his happy time by embroiling him in a murder investigation.
LIFE THREATENING 1: Mutilated dead bodies have been found in the mountains.
MYSTERY 1: Who or what did this? Why up in the mountains?
INTRIGUE 1: Some of the town people in the valley outside the National Park are already claiming that it’s the work of Aliens. Others claim wild animals.
LIFE THREATENING 2: Spencer is not aware of what Russell has done to cause this (back story).
STORY: The lodge owner, Elyne Bonet, has a small farm, of sorts, with three huge Irish Wolfhounds to guard her goats and chickens (primarily), which she keeps for fresh milk and eggs (the trip into town his long and slow).
CLUE 2 Maybe the dogs had something to do with the deaths?
DISTRUST: Spencer raises questions about Elyne, and he dogs. He thinks she’s “crazy as a loon.”
Story: The lodge is old and rustic and marginally comfortable, but the lodge owner, Elyne, a youngish French woman, puts on a tasty meal and entertains them, before the Great Stone Fireplace, the night they’re there, with scary tales of the mythical characters and creatures like owlbears and Bahamut – creatures that are also shape-shifters. “Watch out! That beautiful woman you meet may just be Bahamut on the prowl!” Elyne affirms that according to her information, there were four bodies.
Story: The dogs, though some distance away from the dead bodies, go wild.
TWIST 2 Direction: Russell is Spencer’s superior and thinks he knows more than he does and has more experience than he does – a little self-deception that Spencer seems to put up with. But he now seems willing to hide the story behind tales of mythical creatures and Aliens, if necessary.
Twist: Spencer immediately begins to question Russell’s judgement. Tells him of his distrust of Hilda.
CLUE 3 Why is Russell willing to do this? It’s idiotic.
DISTRUST: Spencer thinks, Eylne is “batshit crazy.”
Direction: Russell trusts that he can keep Spencer focused on the bodies and from not asking too many questions. Spins his theory as presenting an unbelievable fiction people will like, like the stories of Big Foot.
Twist: But Spencer gets caught up in the challenge and that threatens Russell. Spencer tries to hide what he’s doing.
TWIST 3 Direction: Russell is perhaps too eager to pass the findings off as otherworldly.
Twist: Spencer continues to questions Russell’s sincerity in bowing to rumor.
DISTRUST: Spencer loses faith in Russell, and this gets Spencer to questioning the evidence even more.
MYSTERY 2: The bodies are mutilated, but Spencer cannot see any specific weaponry being used (guns, knives, etc.)?
MYSTERY 3: Why is that area fenced off? It doesn’t seem appropriate.
TWIST 4 Direction: Russell continues to be too eager to pass the findings off as Alien
Twist: Spencer questions Russell’s motives for championing such nonsense.
VILLAIN’S PLAN 1: Is to try to get Spencer, and everyone else, to agree with him and pass it off as Aliens or wild animals
MYSTERY 4: Who is this Hilda woman, anyway? Is she nuts or just strange?
DISTRUST: Spencer loses more faith in Russell, and this gets Spencer to questioning the evidence even more, including Hilda.
DISTRUST: Elyna’s stories are a bit too much for Spencer… and those dogs?!
INCITING INCIDENT/DRIVER: (HERO MUST FIND AN ANSWER/SOLUTION)
TRUST: Spencer is more-or-less forced to side with Russell. He cannot think of anything else, and there are those dogs, after all!
TWIST 5
Direction: Spencer is beginning to suspect the lodge owner, Elyna, of more.
Twist: Hilda claims an iron-clad proof she could not have done it
CLUE 4 Elyna probably has nothing to do with anything.
STORY: Elyna still appears untrustworthy to Spencer, despite her claims. He continues to question her mental state.
LIFE THREATENING 3: If Elyna should be the killer, Spencer and Russell could be next. Spencer backs off from provoking her further.
TWIST 6
Direction: The dogs are huge, growling and baring their teeth.
Twist: Elyna, takes Spencer to the dogs, speaks to the dogs, they become as docile as kittens.
TRUST: Spencer thinks maybe he’s being too hard on Elyna.
STORY: Spencer changes his mind about Elyna– he goes from distrust to at least partial trust. She seems to have good excuses.
REVEAL
A. What is the reveal? The dogs are not good evidence for the killings.B. How did it get covered up? The dogs acted viciously when Spencer first encountered them and again, when they hauled the bodies out of the mountains.C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? The mystery is, did they or didn’t they (the dogs)? The intrigue is in the possibilities: Maybe they appear innocent only in the presence of Elyna. Maybe Elyna ordered the attack. Maybe Elyna, did it?D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. Elyna is beginning to look as innocent as the dogs, and Russell is raising questions about himself. This leaves the investigation dangling.
TWIST 7
Direction: Russell orders Spencer to cease and desist his looking for more evidence.
Twist: Spencer can’t let the mystery alone, however, and since he’s already lost faith in Russell, he covertly continues, anyway.
STORY: The relationship between Spencer and Russell is further weakened
LIFE THREATENING 4: Spencer has no idea of what he’s walking into.
STEP 2
STORY: After the bodies are hauled down the mountain and delivered to the County Coroner….
TWIST 8
Direction: The idea peddled to the corner is that wild animals attacked the hikers (Spencer has at least convinced Russell to tone-down his rhetoric so he doesn’t sound like a raving idiot).
Twist: Later, after Russell is gone, the corner says, “it looks more like they were bombed. This is not the sole work of wild animals.
REVEAL
A. What is the reveal? – The evidence does not fully support the idea of wild animals or Aliens. Murder?B. How did it get covered up? – Russell has been too anxious to support an unsupportable theory.C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? – the mystery remains: who or what, and the suspense is in the lack of a definite answer.D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. – the impact lies in the lack of anything definite, and this only strengthens the unknown: mythical creatures or Aliens?
MYSTERY 5: What would cause these sorts of wounds?
INTRIGUE 2: Is there any possibility that the coroner could be right? Could they have been bombed or perhaps had some other sort of mechanical device used on them? Spencer does not recall any unusual sounds.
TWIST 9
Direction: The corner remains fixed in his judgement. Russell is not happy.
Twist: Spencer considers the coroner’s words and thinks the dead hikers were murdered.
LIFE THREATENING 5: Spencer is raising questions that are putting him in danger of Russell.
CLUE 5 Russell requisitioned wire – for the fence?
TWIST 10
Direction: Spencer is biologically savvy enough to question why that area is fenced-off.
Twist: He discovers that Russell requestioned wire. Russell says he simply forgot… knows nothing else or who it was for.
DISTRUST: Is Russell going senile? Or worse?
STORY: Spencer now fully distrusts Russell. Is he simply getting old and forgetful (or worse), or his he hiding something? Spencer calls around and can find nobody who will own up to having cordoned-off the area in the mountains. No college or university is doing any study in that area, but there are too many possibilities. Maybe some private group. Still, Russell’s name is the only one that Spencer can attach to the wire requisition.
REVEAL
A. What is the reveal? Russell is either lying about something, or he is going senile.B. How did it get covered up? Russell explicitly says he knows nothing about the habitat area.C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? We have a mystery within a mystery. How does one unwind that? Who ordered that area fenced-off? And why?D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. Is Russell’s mind failing him or is he flat-out lying? If he’s lying, why? What’s he hiding?
CLUE 6 There was an earthquake about two weeks before the grizzly deaths.
TWIST 11
Direction: Everything seems random and disconnected. However —
Twist: Spencer learns that the epicenter is in the same area as the fence and the dead bodies.
STORY: Spencer is beginning to reconsider – could Russell have had anything to do with this?
REVEAL
A. What is the reveal? There appears to be some sort of connection between the earthquake, the fence, and the dead bodies.B. How did it get covered up? Russell has misled everyone with constant talk of wild animals (what wild animals, at this altitude?) and Aliens (where’s any real evidence?).C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? The mystery is still buried in all the possibilities and the unknown.D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. Russell is demanding an end to the investigating, but new clues keep popping up – the earthquake? What could that possibly have to do with anything? It only raises the stakes
CLUE 7 Elyna’s pack station in NOT the only one in the area.
TWIST 12
Direction: Elyna states that her pack station is the only on in the area near the mutilations.
Twist: Spencer discovers another pack station, but on the other side of the mountain.
DISTRUST:
STORY: Spencer’s Distrust of Elyna returns. He discovers another pack station on the other side of the mountain. Why is Elyna unaware of this?
VILLAIN’S PLAN 2: To try and keep Spencer quiet – get Spencer to quit asking questions that might expose him
REVEAL
A. What is the reveal? There is another pack station on the other side of the mountain.B. How did it get covered up? Hilda says her pack station is the only one in the region. Why does she not know of her local competition?C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? The mystery becomes how did all that wire make its way up the mountain, by whom, when, and why?D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. Russell apparently knows more than he’s willing to acknowledge, as well as Hilda.
TURNING POINT 1 – Spencer again suspects Elyna’s dogs and a coverup, despite all
VILLAIN’S PLAN 4: To milk Spencer’s belief that it was Hilda and her dogs.
LIFE THREATENING 6: If guilty, will Hilda try to quiet Spencer if/when she suspects “he knows to much.”
DISTRUST: Hilda’s stories continue to be a bit too much for Spencer, and then, there are those dogs! He has no real evidence, but he still distrusts her.
ACT 2
STEP 3 – Elyna becomes the focus of both Russell and Spencer.
TWIST 13
Direction: Russell discovers that Spencer is still asking questions.
Twist: However, Spencer, without revealing all his evidence, tells Russell he still suspects Hilda and her huge dogs that either got loose or were taken to the area. Revenge for something, maybe?
STORY: The trust between Spencer and Russell is gone, despite Russell’s regained trust in Spencer.
VILLAIN’S PLAN 3: Try to get Spencer, and everyone else, to agree with him and pass it off simplistically.
TWIST 14
Direction: Russell is pleased with Spencer’s viewpoint shift, but pays Hilda a visit, on the quiet.
Twist: Elyna becomes angry and wary of Spencer.
STEP 4 –Elyna becomes less and less a focus, to Spencer.
MIDPOINT TWIST: (THE EYE OPENER) – Spencer now begins to suspect Russell
LIFE THREATENING #: Russell is the Villain, but why and how? Spencer is still in the dark about the truth.
ACT 3
STEP 5 – Russell becomes the focus
STEP 6 – Russell is caught red-handed.
LIFE THREATENING #: Russell is the Villain, but why and how? Evidence mounts.
TURNING POINT 2: (THE BATTLE SEEMS LOST) – (THE ANTAGONIST/VILLAIN APPEARS TO HAVE VANQUISHED THE HERO)
LIFE THREATENING #: – literally takes on a new meaning as Spencer struggles to stay alive.
MYSTERY #: – Will Spencer make it through this ordeal?
VILLAIN’S PLAN #– to kill Spencer and default to putting the suspicion back on Elyna.
ACT 4
CRISIS: PROTAGONIST (HERO) AND ANTAGONIST (VILLAIN) MUST MEET FACE TO FACE)
LIFE THREATENING #:– This has literally become a life and death battle.
MYSTERY #: – Who will survive?
VILLAIN’S PLAN #– To stay alive by vanquishing Spencer.
STEP 7 – Spencer must run for his life and stop Russell before Russell stops him.
LIFE THREATENING +: Russell must eliminate Spencer in a wild drive to protect himself.
STEP 8 — CLIMAX: (FINAL CONFLICT — ONE MUST EMERGE A WINNER)
RESOLUTION-/-DENOUMENT: (NEW STATUS QUO)
5. Give us the latest version of your Thriller Map
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Mary Emmick Gives Great Clues!
What I learned is that clues are part of keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats. A clue could be something that feels insignificant in the, moment, but becomes more important later. A clue is anything that serves to guide or direct the audience toward the solution of a problem.
List out the three or four mysteries in your story:
Someone is trying to kill Katie Green.
· We see that the man who is at the carwash has a blue star tatoo on his forearm as he waves Katie into the carwash.
· In a later scene we see a blue star on NWOP (New World Order Party) stickers, insignia, etc.
· Katie later sees Victor Ivanova’s blue star tatoo on his arm.
Jack Green’s computer goes down and the power to their house goes out. Who is targeting them?
· The police who come to the Green’s home have Eastern European accents.
· Didn’t we see these dudes at a bar with Victor Ivanova earlier in the film?
· Jack gets an email from a social media company offering him an outrageously large salary. He is offered the job on the condition that he move immediately to California. Katie is not impressed with the owner of the social media company and tells Jack this. She recently deleted her account because Stench bought the company and most people don’t trust him and are leaving the platform. Aaron Stench, the owner of the social media company wants to get Jack away from UnisoftNW, because he is one of the high level senior engineers who works to combat cyberattacks.
· Aaron Stench wants to take over the internet and shut down freedom of speech freedom of expression.
Natasha Petrov is also being targeted. Are these the same people who are also targeting her friend Katie?
· We see Natasha Petrov on the phone talking with her brother in Morlovia. He warns her he is in danger.
· Igor Stepanov’s goons have Antony Petrov, Natasha’s brother, thrown in prison.
· Igor Stepanov moves his billions to a remote country in Africa where it is being guarded by The Acadia Group, military contractors.
· After a body is being rolled out on a gurney and put in an ambulance, we see Victor Ivanova, her assistant, waiting in a black SUV outside the Morluvian Immigrant Assistance Center. He calls Olga on his cell phone. From his open window he hears a phone ringing on the gurney across the street. He was expecting to take Natasha’s dead body away. What happened to the plan? “Oh, shit,” he says. Why is the body going away in an ambulance? Is this Olga or Natasha’s dead body?
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Hi Mary. I really like your plot development. Hope that we get a chance to review each others work!
Lesley
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Assignment 12
Pat Gives Great Clues.
What I learned from this assignment Is: The clues are what readers look for to solve the crime. They usually come from Suspense and Intrigue.
· 1. Mystery: Two young boys bicycling on a dirt road through the woods came upon three bodies in a dump area.
· They are so scared they run home to tell their parents.
· 2. INCITING INCIDENT: Terry Holder having a drink in a bar. Gets the news “His brothers are missing.”
· 3. The detectives interview the main suspect – John George. He is belligerent with the detective.
· Detective/John George
· Trust: Detective assumes that John George is innocent Until.
· Distrust: He becomes belligerent.
· Why is he belligerent with police.
Does he have something to hide?
Direction: Detective believes he guilty.
Twist 2: In reality he’s not a Teddy bear, but he’s not a killer.
· 4 Neighbors around the area give John George a bad name.
· What do the neighbors know?
· 5. Mystery: Mr. Favors offers food to the searchers.to appear to be a nice guy.
· Detective/Harry Favors
Trust: The detective admires Favors for
working with them.
Direction: Detective believes he’s a very nice guy.
Twist 3: He’s no nice guy.
· 6. Mystery: Detective finds blood in John George’s truck and calls Terry to tell him things aren’t good.
· Detective/ John George
· Distrust: More evidence against John George.
· Trust: The blood was actual from a deer
Direction: Appears to be blood from victims.
Twist 4: Blood is from a deer..
· TURNING POINT 1
· 7. Terry, brother, realizes that he must find his brothers’ killer.
· 8. Intrigue Terry gets angry with one of John George’s sons.
· Terry/ John George’s Son
· Distrust: Terry believes he is hiding something.
· Mystery: That night the son ends up dead in his car.
· Distrust: John George/Terry
· John George believes Terry had something to do with his son’s death.
· 9 Life Threatening: John George angry about his son comes to look for Terry.
Direction: Because of the fight, he thinks Terry has knocked off his son.
Twist 5: Terry had nothing to do with the killing of his son.
· 10. Suspense: Detective finds out John George has served time in prison
· Distrust: Terry and the detective are watching John George more closely.
· 11 Life threatening:
· Terry talks with John George on the street. A fight breaks out.
· MIDPOINT.
· 13. VILLAIN’S PLAN: John George is shot and almost killed.
· Why would someone shoot John George?
· Detective/Terry
· Distrust: Detective questions Terry.
Direction: Terry believes it to be John George.
Twist 6: It’s really a former friend and fellow hunter.
· 14. Mystery: The detective and Terry are run off the road by a black sedan.
· Terry and Detective/John George
· Distrust: Was it John George?
· Who was in the car that run them off road?
· Who ran them off the road?
Direction: They think it has something to do with the George family.
Twist: The black sedan is owned by Mrs. Favors.
· TURNING POINT 2:
· Suspense: Terry gets a tip that the ATVS may be in Mr. Favors storage shed.
· Terry and Detective/ Harry Favors and Mrs. Favors.
· Distrust: Who called in the tip?
Direction: Terry thinks it one of John George’s sons.
Reveal/Twist 8: It’s Mrs. Favors? She feared being in the middle of the murders. Wants to clear herself. She used a muffle rag so they couldn’t tell if she was male or female. (A trust is violated)
· 16. CLIMAX: The ATVS were found in the storage shed. Mr. Favors was arrested after a standoff.
· 17. RESOLUTION: Terry’s family got some closure. John George was released from the hospital. Terry and police apologize to John George proves to be trustworthy when the truth came out.
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<div>What I learned is that clues and clue trails are very important to keeping the audience engaged in the Thriller. I learned that it is wise to use a mixture of overt and covert clues to keep the audience guessing. I learned that these exercises are a lot of fun. I learned that I won’t try and write two movies simultaneously the next time I do one of these classes – it’s too much work!
1. List out the three or four main mysteries in your story.
Who killed the Boys in the Woods and the others?
What is the purpose of the rituals Jack and The Judge are performing?
Why is The Company using Black Maple as a hub & what are they doing? </div><div>
</div><div>Who will win? Jack and The Judge or Keith and his family or Beau or The Sheriff or Laura? </div><div>
2. Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries in your story.Who killed the Boys in the Woods and the others?
• Jack, Keith and Gabe were all in the same kind of woods the boys were in.
• Keith returns home with blood on him and tries to hide it.
• Jack is the preacher of Black Maple, surely he wouldn’t be involved in a murder.
• The boys were killed in a satanic, ritualistic way. Surely that couldn’t be Keith and Gabe, who are good boys in the community.
• The people of Black Maple think it was Beau who killed the boys.
• Keith tries to tell Heather, Barbara and The Sheriff who killed the boys but he doesn’t really tell them – he’s interrupted each time.
• The Sheriff is killed and Keith is the prime suspect, although we know that he didn’t do it.
• The real killer is revealed at the Final Ritual.What is the purpose of the rituals Jack and The Judge are performing?
• The townspeople talk about how helpful Jack’s Program is to the boys of the town.
• Jack chooses Keith and Gabe to be work under him for that year’s Program. Their parents are beaming.
• Jack excludes certain kids and their families because he doesn’t trust them.
• Jack gives Keith and Gabe robes and masks they will use in the rituals.
• Jack and The Judge give money to many different charitable organizations, further endearing them to the people of Black Maple.
• Beau tells Keith that he knows what happens at the rituals and that he should get out while he can. It’s not safe for him or his sister.
• Jack and The Judge talk about the Book of Azariah and their plan to enact the Angel of Fire ritual and summon the devil.
• The Judge got the Book of Azariah while working for The Company in Italy, after The War. It is unclear if The Company knows about it.• Jack and the boys put on a false ceremony for their families and the communities.
• Laura is a willing participant in the rituals.
• Blood sacrifices are a part of the rituals, along with hallucinogenic drugs, alcohol, chanting and group sex.
• Jack and The Judge are already the most wealthy, powerful men in Black Maple. What else do they want?
• While they play chess, The Judge tells Jack that they need to harvest more souls for the Ritual.
• Keith and Gabe wear the masks Jack gave them for the rituals while they stalk people.
• Jack talks to Keith about bringing his sister to participate in the ritual.
• The ritual is shown in the book as a man on fire and transforming into the Angel of Fire.
• At the last Ritual, all of the major players are present. Jack, The Judge, Keith, Gabe, Laura, Joe, Barbara, Heather, Beau,Why is The Company using Black Maple as a hub & what are they doing?
• The Judge is out drinking with the prestigious members of the town and some of the Company men.
• The Judge was in The Company during The War.
• There are men in masks stalking Keith. Is it the Company Men?
• The Judge is rumored to be a part of The Company.
• Keith and Gabe see the Judge meeting with The Company at a hidden airstrip in the mountains. There are huge caches of planes, drugs, guns and money.
• There are rumors of cocaine and guns coming into the area.
• Beau’s land is close to where The Company operates.
• There is a murder on Company land, where the body is moved to be on Beau’s land.
• Keith tries to talk Heather about The Company but she thinks he’s lost his mind.
• Beau is paranoid The Company is going to have him killed because he knows too much.
• The Judge is unhappy with his relationship with The Company. He hates feeling like a pawn.
• The Company operates out of caves in the mountains of Arkansas near Black Maple.
• Is The Company connected to The Program, The Rituals or the Book of Azariah?
• Gabe and especially Keith are scared they will be killed because they know too much about The Company.
• The Judge tells Jack he has done some horrific things while working with The Company.
• People whisper about The Company and wonder if they are somehow behind the murders.
• The Judge uses his relationship with The Company to get what he wants and to make sure he and his son are always three steps ahead of everyone else in Black Maple.
• The Company has trained The Judge to be a highly skilled operator. He manipulates the people of Black Maple with a deft hand.
• The Sheriff was investigating The Company when he was killed. Were they involved in his murder?
• Is The Company helping and participating with The Rituals or are they ignorant?Who will win? Jack and The Judge or Keith and his family or Beau or The Sheriff or Laura?
• At one point, we think each of the above players can win the game.
• Jack and The Judge when they skate through Jack’s accusers.
• Keith when he decides to tell his mom, sister and The Sheriff what’s going on.
• Heather when she goes to Beau to tell him what Keith has revealed to her.
• The Sheriff when he’s on the trail of Jack, The Company and The Judge.
• Beau when he goes to save Heather.
• Laura when she’s included in the Final Ritual.
• We had no idea Gabe was this ruthless or that Jack cares about no one but himself. They have both been brutalized so much to the point where they don’t feel anything at all. Everything is a zero sum game to them and they are not going to lose.</div>
3. Decide which clues you want to use and sequence those into clue trails for each mystery.
Check.4. Add the clue trails to your Thriller Map.
Check.5. Still too long to re-type.
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Budinscak Gives Great Clues – Day 12
What I learned Doing This Assignment:
o I always had problems keeping track of clues – great organization tool.
o The Thriller Map is becoming a detailed outline.
o Much easier to manage changes here than in a script, even a very rough draft.
o I have to go back through to properly separate many of the reveals from ‘key clues’ given the new ending for my story.
1. List out the three or four main mysteries in your story.
– What is the source of the UFO sightings?
– What are the reports of strange animal sightings?
– Who can be trusted?
– Who is the pesky intruder?
2. Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries in the story
What is the source of the UFO sightings?
1. Internet video – new sighting.
2. Are aliens real? – conversation during helicopter ride between the Commander and his security team.
3. Commander comments about the two drones mirroring the copter ride.
4. Man made – cutting edge drones, robotic animals at the site.
5. Vicki momentarily blinded by UFO
6. Site Manager’s comments about what’s been seen, followed
7. An original team member comments he’s witnessed one of the captives turn into an alien.
What are the reports of strange animal sightings?
8. Unnatural sounds
9. Strange looking beasts – a 6-legged tiger
10. Farm animals restless
11. Wildlife – birds and animals – on edge, ready to flee
12. Wild animals drawn to the exotic kittens
13. Commander’s interaction with mountain lion – always in attack mode except with the Commander and Vicki.
14. Robotic Animals – opening scene reveal and clue.
Who can be trusted?
15. Camper Bob – alleges to have proof of alien existence, escaped when Commander took over
16. Drone Pilot – techie nerd develops a soft spot for Vicki
17. The Commander – when he arrives all communication devices cease working
18. Commander’s security team – very odd group
19. Vicki – unknown who stumbles into the operation
20. Original Site Manager – not informed of switch coming via Commander
21. Guard – original team who claims to have witnessed an alien turn into a captive, but not sure which one.
Who is the pesky intruder?
22. Camper Bob
23 Vicki
24 Escaped camper
25 Security team member
26 Security systems
27 Alien
3. Decide which clues you want to use and sequence those into clue trails for each mystery.
Sequencing the clues as to UFO sightings and misleading info on the Commander. My whole story has changed during this class and I’m setting it up for a complete surprise ending.
4. Add those clues to your Thriller Map.
5. Give us the latest version of your Thriller Map.
Thriller Map
OPENING: Lure us into the story and introduces the lead character in action.
A bruised, exhausted Vicki collapses at the feet of a robotic animal.
Reveal 1
Mystery #1 – What’s the source of UFO sighting??
– Sightings have occurred the past few weeks
– Are aliens real?
– Videos on the internet
Clue 1, 2, 3
Villain’s Plan #1 – Ensure the project operates in anonymity.
Twist 1
Reveal 2, 3, 4
INCITING INCIDENT: An event that propels the Hero on the Journey.
Was that a UFO? Driving home, Vicki crashes her jeep interacting with a flying object.
Mystery #2 – Flashing Lights in the sky
Twist 2
LT #1 – Vicki momentarily blinded by light/lazar from flying object.
LT #2 – Spooked deer flee into the road, Vicki crashes jeep avoiding.
Twist 3
Mystery #3 – Systems affected
– Cell phone doesn’t work
– Car computer systems malfunction
Twist 4, 5
LT #3 – Vicki chased by wolves.
Reveal 10, 11, 12
Clue 12
Mystery # 4 – Aberrant animal behavior
– Unnatural sounds
Villain’s Plan – #2 – Shut the project down and make it disappear in 24 hours.
Clue 4, 6, 7
Twist 6, 7
Villain’s Plan #3 – Dispose of all unwanted equipment.
– Moved to area of deepest shaft
– Explosive device wired.
Twist 8
TURNING POINT 1: A major twist that locks the hero into the conflict. Point of no return.
Vicki watches a drone fly into an abandoned mine shaft – and follows.
Reveal 12
Mystery #5 – Who is piloting the drone?’
– Who/what is in the abandoned mine?
LT #4 – Vicki climbs down a rotted ladder, it breaks and she’s barely able to hang on.
Reveal 13, 14
Vicki/Red
Trust – Vicki meets Red in the tunnel, he points her in the right direction
Distrust – she ends up in the room with captives – and is caught herself
Trust – Red sticks up for Vicki
Distrust – he tells the Commander where he found her
Trust – he opens Vicki’s lock so she can escape.
Distrust – Red sends specialized drones to hunt Vicki down
Mystery #6 – Who are these men?
– Why are they chasing Vicki?
– Why are they firing at her?
Twist 9
LT #5 – Vicki evades an armed security team pursuing her.
Twist 10
Mystery #7 – The Commander – who is this pesky intruder?
– Who is she?
– Who sent her?
– Why is she here?
– Is this the one who escaped detection/security?
Villain Plan #4 – Assess all witnesses
– Captured campers
– Disgruntled employees
– Forest Ranger
Vicki/Commander
Trust – The Commander puts Vicki at ease representing himself as the new guy who’s going to clean up this mess
Distrust – The Commander sends his security team after Vicki.
Trust – Vicki is rescued from being pursued by robotic animals.
Distrust – The Commander interrogates Vicki
Trust – Vicki escapes
Distrust – Commander kills employee who let Vicki escape
Distrust – Vicki is shot and wounded by the Commander
MIDPOINT: A major revelation. The opposition is 10 times worse than thought.
Vicki finds prisoners – people and animals in cages.
Reveal 15, 16
Mystery #8 – Why are there prisoners?
– Why are these people (campers) locked up?
– Why are animals in cages?
Vicki/Camper Bob
Trust – Vicki finds Camper Bob held captive with 3 other humans
Distrust – Camper Bob says he speaks for the other campers. The other campers shake their head no.
Trust – Camper Bob saves Vicki from an attack drone
Distrust – for promised freedom, he gives up her position to the Commander
Trust – Camper Bob explains his plan to Vicki – how he’ll rescue her and the rest of the campers
Reveal 17
Clue 15
LT #6 – Shocked to find prisoners. Vicki can only free one before her pursuers. They escape.
LT #7 – The pursuers fire and the camper is killed/wounded.
Twist 11
LT #8 – Fleeing down a tunnel, Vicki can’t quite make the leap and tumbles down a hole and is hurt.
LT #9 – A bruised, exhausted Vicki collapses at the feet of a robotic animal.
Mystery #9 – Who is responsible for this operation?
– Vicki meets the man in charge, the real Commander.
Reveal 18
LT #10 – Vicki is brutally interrogated by the Commander.
LT #11 – A sympathetic techie allows Vicki to escape. The Commander shoots the techie on the spot.
Reveal 19
Villain Plan #5 – Dispose all witnesses
TURNING POINT 2: Major setback. The lowest of the low.
Vicki’s is shot and seriously wounded.
LT #12 – LT frees the rest of the campers under fire.
LT #13 – Vicki releases all the caged animals.
Mystery #10 – What is it about the exotic cat?
LT #14 – As security approaches, Vicki wraps herself around the exotic cat to protect – and Vicki’s shot.
Villain Plan #6 – Time to wrap it up and make it disappear.
Twist 12
Reveal 20, 21
Vicki/Karen
Distrust – Karen lies to Vicki about her new truck – and Vicki knows it
Trust – Karen helps Vicki with a Girl Scout troop presentation
Distrust – Karen makes judgmental comments to Vicki
Trust – Vicki finds Karen locked up with other prisoners
Distrust – Vicki does not believe Karen’s explanation
Trust – Karen creates a smokescreen allowing Vicki to escape detection
Trust – Karen shares information about how to escape
CLIMAX: The ultimate expression of the main conflict.
Aliens are real! The new iteration Vicki makes the Commander disappear.
Twist 13
Reveal 22
LT #15 – The alien restores Vicki’s life with a few modifications.
Mystery #11 – What makes Vicki different?
– Will there be differences?
– Will they be easy to decipher?
Mystery #12 – What will this iteration of Vicki do to the Commander?
– Vicki approves aliens taking the Commander and the rest of his team with them – make them disappear.
Reveal 23
RESOLUTION: The end of the journey in an emotionally satisfying way.
The escaped campers tell a story of Forest Ranger Vicki.
Reveal 24
Mystery #13 – What happened to Vicki?
– Her life was restored – her flesh as well as her spirit. She is one ‘person’, but easily exists as two separate ‘people’/entities.
– Her physical self has been altered – aged, wiser yet with a younger walk.
– Known as the animal’s friend who’s always watching.
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