-
Lesson 1 Assignments
Reply to post your assignments.
-
13 Replies
-
Rebecca’s Dialog Structure
VISION: My success from this program will lead me to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.
What I learned from this assignment is the difference this these structures made in the scene. After brainstorming, I completely rewrote the scenes by changing locations, adding actions to express contrast, and tweaking dialog to match. The essence of the scenes remained the same, but more interesting and exciting. Unbelievable transformation! Thank you Hal.
SETUP/MAJOR TWIST:
Ragman closes the door to the den. He and Anthony pour over the papers.
RAGMAN
Bucholz plans to shut down the union movement in Russellton, permanently. Kill the leader and the rest will fall. I got my own opinion yet humbled to ask yours. What do you think, and how do we stop it?
Anthony’s jaw sets.
ANTHONY
Since law enforcement won’t help, it’s up to us. Even if Bucholz shoots and misses, the hired gunner will still open fire and mow down Albert and the others, including Bucholz. We need to kill him first, close range before he can shoot, silent but deadly. I can do that.
Shocking revelation from a college boy.
RAGMAN
I don’t want Albert there. He’s not fully recovered and is too weak. You lead the protest march to throw Bucholz off guard. I’ll do the rest.
Ragman retrieves the knife from the fireplace mantel. He hands it to Anthony, who, puzzled, examines it.
RAGMAN
It saved my life during the war. It will save lives again when I put the evil Commander out of his misery. The deaths of sixteen men already weigh on my soul. You don’t need one on yours.
ANTHONY
Can you channel your battle fatigue to be cunning and cold enough to pull it off without detection?
RAGMAN
I can. The night he bit off my ear, he goaded me into killing him; I resisted. This is my WAR, Anthony, my unfinished business.
Ragman remains calm and determined. Anthony convinced.
ANTHONY
I’ll return in a few hours. We can talk more then.
OPPOSITE MEANINGS IN DIALOG:
EXT. CHICKEN COOP – DAY
Ludie finds twine and a hanging stick on the fence. She takes the knife from Reisa and cuts a length of twine, loops it, and ties one end around the stick. She lays out a tarp.
LUDIE
You told papa that you are a woman now. There’s more involved than attraction to a boy. Time for you to learn the whole process. Pay attention.
Ludie walks through the chickens, grabs a young hen by the feet, loops it around into a tie, and hangs it upside down from a bar setting between two trees. The chicken flaps and squawks. Reisa’s eyes go wide.
REISA
Papa always did this part after Mama died.
LUDIE
But this is woman’s work.
Ludie pulls the neck tight. Reisa squishes her face.
REISA
I can’t do it. Let me watch this time.
She hands Ludie the knife. One quick slice, Ludie jumps back, drops the head to the ground, the headless chicken flaps its wings and spatters blood.
LUDIE
While the chicken bleeds out, we go to the kitchen and boil water.
SUBTEXT DRIVES THE MEANING 1:
Int. kitchen – later
The women drink tea as the wait for the bucket of water to boil. Ludie studies her sister.
REISA
What?
LUDIE
I swear you get prettier every day. You have a glow about you.
Ludie adds milk to the tea, stirs it slow.
REISA
Thank you. I’m pretty happy. I’ve been helping Mrs. Baron candle the eggs and grade them. She’s showing me how to milk the cows and churn butter.
Reisa places a slice of coffee cake in front of Ludie, joins her at the table.
REISA
I baked it this morning.
LUDIE
I didn’t know you knew how to work an oven.
Ludie eats a bite of cake.
LUDIE
This is good. I’m proud of you.
REISA
My cooking is better too. With Ben gone I had to keep Papa and me from starving. Now, he wants chicken.
LUDIE
You used to detest cooking and housework. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were in love.
Reisa giggles.
REISA
I am in love! He’s wonderful! He loves me too. In spite of everything, he loves me.
Ludie smiles as her sister refills the teapot and notices her showing more than being in love. A baby bump? Reisa returns to the table.
LUDIE
Water’s boiling. Let’s carry it outside.
SUBTEXT DRIVES THE MEANING 2:
EXT. CHICKEN COOP – later
Ludie, donning rubber gloves, grabs the dead chicken by the feet and dunks the body into the boiling water and rehangs it. She pulls off feathers. Reisa, also gloved, watches.
LUDIE
Your turn. Now, tell me about your crush. Who is he? Where did you meet him?
Reisa pulls off feathers, dropping them on the tarp.
REISA
That’s the hard part. Promise you won’t judge. Just be happy for me.
LUDIE
Why do you ask that? Pull the feathers faster.
Fear replaces the smile on Reisa’s face, as her hands move quick grabbing the feathers.
REISA
You’ll recognize him when you see him. He was at that, that day.
An icy chill stabs Ludie’s heart; her face drains of color.
LUDIE
Oh, Reisa!
She stares wide eyed at her sister, slumps against the coop shed, struggles to push back the encroaching dark. She takes several rapid breaths and regains control.
REISA
Ludie you look sick.
LUDIE
I’m fine. Tell me about it.
REISA
His name is Bernard Smitt. His family rents a farm outside of New Castle. He has seven brothers and three sisters. He only took the job with the Coal and Iron Police to help his family. He wants to quit.
Angry tears spill from Ludie’s eyes. Reisa pauses her work.
LUDIE
How could you? How could you fall in love with the man who raped you, stole your innocence.
REISA
Bernie didn’t touch me. I swear. He jumped up and down on the bed, yelled at me, but didn’t touch me. He told me to scream, so I did. I sensed he was as scared as I was. Herr Bucholz would beat him if he didn’t follow orders.
Reisa pauses to catch her breath, pulls the remaining feathers.
LUDIE
And?
REISA
I begged Bernie to save you. I tried to run downstairs but he grabbed me. He said the commander would kill us both, held me tight until I settled down, apologized. He hates Bucholz, what he orders him to do and warned me that Bucholz would kill us both if I told, told…
Tears stream down her face.
REISA
Ludie, can you ever forgive me?
Ludie holds her sister’s hand, sighs.
LUDIE
Oh, Reisa! Of course I forgive you. But, what are you doing with this boy, the enemy? Let’s take the bird inside.
DEEPER LAYER OPPOSES DIALOG/MAJOR TWIST:
INT. KITCHEN – LATER
Ludie shows her sister how to singe off the down over the open flame of the stove. They both sit at the table and pull out pin feathers.
REISA
Bernie’s a good person but afraid of Bucholz and fears what might happen if he leaves or anyone finds out about us.
Ludie shakes her head in disbelief.
LUDIE
How did you ever get into such a mess? Does Papa know you’ve been seeing a yellow dog.
Reisa bites her lip, looks down.
REISA
There’s more. I’m going to have a baby. Connie said he’d marry me, but…
LUDIE
That’s the way it is. They say they love you…but don’t think about making babies when they’re rollin you in the hay. You call that a good man?
Ludie shivers with disgust.
REISA
It’s not his, not his baby.
LUDIE
Oh…my…God! I didn’t think you were like that. Who’s the father?
Reisa shudders.
REISA
It happened a couple of weeks before the evictions. He entered the house unannounced when I was alone. Locked the door, pushed me into the kitchen.
Ludie’s eyes go wide with fear about where this might go.
REISA
I tried to pull away but he spun me around. The look in his eyes…I froze…he’s a BIG man, strong.
Reisa hides her face with the apron.
REISA
I didn’t fight him, just laid there. He kissed my body until I wanted more. He was gentle, afterwards held me. I’m so ashamed, I liked it.
Ludie, shocked, angry, grabs a knife, slits the bird, pulls out the intestines, tosses them on the table. Reisa turns away.
LUDIE
Oh, Reisa!
REISA
He warned that if I ever told, he would kill Papa and Ben. The look on his face showed he would do it. He returned a couple more times. I never told.
Ludie, angry tears, cuts out the the chicken’s heart and liver, throws them into a pot.
LUDIE
BUCHOLZ? You’re pregnant with that monster’s child?
REISA
Yes.
WHAM! Ludie chops off the neck , throws it on the pile of entrails, and sobs.
-
Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Dialogue Structures
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: there is always room for improvement. I thought I had nailed all my dialogue. Then I put several scenes under the microscope and discovered small tweaks I could make that elevated the emotion in the scene more than I thought was possible.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT SQUAD ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Several desks. Filing cabinets. OFFICERS in the middle of shift change make small talk, snippets of NAVAJO LANGUAGE. A joke is told, they all LAUGH.
Johnny enters. The place instantly quiets. He notices.
JOHNNY
Who died?
The cops suddenly find paperwork they need to attend to.
PATROLMAN PESHLAKAI, 30, turns to Johnny, looks sheepish.
PATROLMAN PESHLAKAI
Your father wants to see you.
JOHNNY
What about?
Peshlakai motions with his head for Johnny to go find out.
INT. CAPTAIN’S OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER
Glass cubicle. A desk nameplate reads, CAPTAIN BENALLY.
FRANK BENALLY, 50, Navajo, powerful build, no-nonsense air, works at the desk. He sees Johnny heading to his office.
FRANK
Shit.
Johnny opens the door, enters with a cocky smile —
JOHNNY
Peshlakai said you need my help.
Frank opens a file folder. Johnny starts to sit down.
FRANK
Don’t. You won’t be here that long.
JOHNNY
Got a big new case for me, huh?
Frank glances up from the file folder without expression.
FRANK
I got to lay you off.
Johnny looks dumbfounded.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Budget cut. Last hire is the first to go. I need you to turn in your weapon.
Johnny waves at the other officers in the squad room.
JOHNNY
I put in more hours than anyone.
FRANK
You —
JOHNNY
– How can there be a budget cut?
FRANK
Can pick up —
JOHNNY
– The department just bought two new patrol cars.
FRANK
Your check tomorrow.
Frank closes his file folder.
JOHNNY
That Red Creek cattle theft case had been gathering dust for eight years before I
solved it.
FRANK
Told you to leave cold cases alone.
JOHNNY
I did it on my own time.
FRANK
Without telling me. I don’t like surprises.
JOHNNY
The cold cases weren’t under lock and key so I figured they were fair game. Hey,
I’m the best detective here. Maybe even better than —
Frank jumps up from his seat.
FRANK
– Than who, OFFICER Benally?
JOHNNY
Twenty years ago you were a brand new patrolman, wrote up a case.
FRANK
Managed a lot of cases back then.
JOHNNY
And you liked to play detective in your spare time, work cold cases.
FRANK
I’ll remind you, you’re an officer, NOT a detective and now you’re damn close to insubordination and —
JOHNNY
– The Sarah Cole case. Never solved. You handled it. No one has opened it up since. Why?
FRANK
That’s it. You’re fired. Get out.
Johnny stands straight.
JOHNNY
Did grandfather have anything to do with this?
Frank blinks.
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
I saw him up on the mesa today.
Frank points at his office door and growls —
FRANK
Get —
JOHNNY
– He was talking to a dust devil.
Frank blinks again.
-
(Eclipse Neilson) Dialogue Structures
VISION:
I want to be a great award-winning writer, known for my genre, who creates the most beautiful films that inspire others to feel deeply, pause, and ponder ways to make the world a better place as I make happy money to continue my career.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to keep being open to unexpected possibilities.
I worked on a few scenes- one being on the hill with the stone henge, type Goddess where both characters Lunea and Sister Anne begin their friendship as Sister Anne unexpectedly shares a few secrets about her past.
Their dialogue helps us see how their perspective is similar but from different origins.
The subtext they are soulmates and have traveled many lifetimes and in many scenes this connection is shown in subtext.
There is a deeper layer of mutual attraction and familiarity but it is beneath the surface.
I worked on a few scenes- one being on the hill with the stone henge, type Goddess where both characters Lunea and Sister Anne begin their friendship as Sister Anne unexpectedly shares a few secrets about her past.
Excerpt from the scene too long to share.
LUNEA (CONT’D)
Now imagine you are a little one again – and all is calm.
Sister Anne quickly opens her eyes, turns towards Lunea with a sad haunted – a bit angry look. Announces.
SISTER ANNE
It was never calm.
She frowns and reverts back to her humble pose.
Lunea catches the shift. Pauses takes Sister Anne’s presence.
LUNEA
What happened?
SILENCE
SISTER ANNE
I lost her when I was six.
LUNEA
Who?
SISTER ANNE
My Mama…cancer.
Her face looks like a heartbroken angry child. Lunea bites her lip trying not to react.
Lunea reaches over and puts her hand on Sister Anne’s shoulder.
Sister Anne shakes her head no and sits back up. Puts her knees under her chin. Looks around and picks a round small stone. Drops it from hand to hand.
SISTER ANNE (CONT’D)
I was so angry at the angels that night.
Grips the stone in her palm.
LUNEA
I’ve heard that the angels come when it’s hard.
Sister Anne shakes her head sadly.
SISTER ANNE
They are the messenger of truth-they never lie but… they didn’t tell me they were taking her away that night… They were just silent…so, so, so silent.
Lunea picks an aster, holds it as if in prayer, closes her eyes, and breathes in its scent.
LUNEA
I see you – a little one, standing in the dark silence…you were scared.
She lays the flower between them.
SISTER ANNE
But I’m an adult now.
(Sits up straighter)
and I’ve come to understand that for her, it was better than trying to live…God brought my Mama home to his heart.
She smiles. Then frowns.
LUNEA
I can’t think of anything worst than a mother looking at her child knowing she is leaving forever.
SILENCE
Sister Anne throws the stone down like an angry teen.
SISTER ANNE
My Mother gave up! That’s my truth. My father beat her until the end.
Looks at Lunea questioning her. Jumps up and rushes towards the path. Lunea runs after her.
LUNEA
Anne wait, no wait.
She catches up to her and takes her hand and gently leads her back to the stone.
SISTER ANNE
Why am I telling you all this?
Lunea picks up the stone, hands it back to her and gently closes Sister Anne’s palm over it. Gently pleads.
LUNEA
Don’t leave…Please.
Sister Anne nods calmly.Sighs. Hangs her head and sits down. Lunea joins her.
SISTER ANNE
(whispers)
The screams finally stopped.
Lunea looks at her with compassion. Sister Anne turns away and lays back down.
LUNEA
Lets imagine she is standing in front of you healed and now she is a strong woman, a fierce woman – one who now is able to protect you…Like an angel.
Sister Anne ponders Lunea’s suggestion, closes her eyes, relaxes and takes a deep breath.
Her arms are slightly stretched by her side.
Lunea has the same pose. They open their eyes and stare up at the sky.
LUNEA (CONT’D)
Your mother’s story is the Goddess’- she too was abused and abandoned by the patriarch. She’ll understand your pain.
Sister Anne closes her eyes. (Beat)
SISTER ANNE
It is strange, but I can feel your truth as if my heart knows what my mind can’t understand.
Sister Anne opens her eyes turns to Lunea. They both smile shyly and then quickly look back up at the sky.
At the exact same moment they close their eyes again.
The tall stone towers over them looking like a protector.
They lay silently side by side their hands so close their pinky fingers almost touch each other.
-
I will write every day, producing not only a high volume of screenplays, but high quality ones that will ultimately be made into television shows and movies. I will be invited to seminars and safaris as a speaker. (i just added this last part!)
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is important to do this type of pass to elevate dialogue. I thought my dialogue was good until I looked at it through this lens.
SPLICED: A psychiatrist nurse, accused of the brutal murder of the patient who showed up uninvited at her home the night he was killed, must fight to maintain her family, her job, her freedom, and her sanity.
SUBTEXT drives the meaning:
DACEY
Tell me how this happened.
TANYA
I didn’t do it.
DACEY
Somebody did, and now I know, thank you, Peter, that it was done with a nail. Tell me where you got it.
TANYA
I don’t know nothin’ about nothin’.
DACEY
You just need to let me know if you did this to yourself, or if someone else did it.
TANYA
I plead the fifth.
DACEY
If I understand this then, you were sleeping, woke up with cuts on your wrists and a nail in your hand.
TANYA
I didn’t have a nail in my hand.
With an exasperated SIGH, Dacey tapes the bandage on Tanya’s wrist and then grabs the biohazard bag.
Peter grabs Tanya’s arm.
PETER
Let’s go, back to bed.
Tanya yanks her arm out of Peter’s grip.
TANYA
No! I don’t wanna! I don’t wanna!
DACEY
Then you’ll need to go to the quiet room. I’ll get the restraints.
TANYA
No! No, I’ll be good. I promise, I’ll go to bed and I won’t cause no more trouble.
DACEY
I thought you didn’t do anything?
TANYA
I didn’t, but you always want to make it that I did, so I promise, I promise, I promise. We don’t like the quiet room, do we, Ms. Dacey?
With
provocative movement, Tanya passes Dacey and allows Peter to escort her down
the hall. -
Tom’s Dialogue Structures
My Vision when working with a producer on a project is to suggest better and better ways to improve a scene.
Doing this assignment, I learned there’s never enough conflict in Dialogue.
Summary: Commander of US troops in Afghanistan, General Ratkin wants sex with Sara, an Afghan scientist. In exchange she will pursue a PhD asylum program in the US to find a cure for a disease that kills her people.
EXT./INT. RATKIN’S KABUL ROOF TOP PENTHOUSE SUITE – NIGHT
Sara exits the elevator.
Sparse city lights are visible for miles in all directions.
A military policeman speaks into the intercom.
A young woman rushes out the door towards the elevator.
In a silk robe, Ratkin appears at the door. Yells at the MP.
RATKIN
N-e-x-t!
He spots Sara. Oh my God! Why’s she here?
Sara rushes in.
He grimaces at the MP. Follows her inside.
She slaps documents on the table. Drops onto the sofa.
SARA
I will interpret for you when I get into a PhD program.
His eyes lick her body. He crashes on the sofa beside her.
She moves away.
He hops closer. She waves the contracts at him.
RATKIN
Let’s celebrate.
SARA
What’d you have in mind?
RATKIN
How about some quid pro quo?SARA
How about some quo, pre-quid?
She hands him a pen. Flips to signature pages. He signs.
He puts his hand on her thigh.
She twists his arm. Rolls him onto the floor.
Straddles him crotch to crotch.
His whole body rumbles. His eyes pop. He gasps.
She shakes her head. Climbs off him.
SARA
Fast start. Speedy Gonzales finish.
She moves to the door.
Ratkin staggers to his feet. Lumbers after her.
-
Farrin Rosenthal’s Elevated Dialogue!
Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.
What I learned doing this assignment is how everything in a screenplay has a structure. The script itself has a structure, the scenes are structured, and so too the dialogue within those scenes.
For one scene, I have a setup/major twist, but it also has a deeper level revealed through subtext.
The protagonist thinks what is happening to him must be a joke, but the antagonist knows it is not. This comes out through subtext to the point where the protagonist finally realizes the truth, which is this is no joke, it’s dead serious.
Playing with dialogue structure can lead to scenes with outstanding dialogue.
It’s pretty cool to play around with.
-
Andrew Kelm’s Dialogue Structures
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.
What I learned doing this assignment is… How to get very specific about the structure of dialogue when it drives the scene.
FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.
A. Setup / Major Twist
In the scene where Daphne meets Roy and gives him a card reading, He plays dumb the whole time then on the way out, he shows he’s been taking in everything by advising her to call herself a life coach.
B. Opposite Meanings in Dialogue
Daphne brings Gilbert a pie. He thinks it is just another attempt to suck up, but it turns out she wants him to invite her in so she can threaten him.
C. Subtext Drives The Meaning
In the first scene, a man dies in a violent accident with a power saw. In the second, we meet Daphne and her friend Terry as she moves into an apartment. At the end we find out that the man who dies in the first scene was her husband and the police suspect her of murdering him.
D. Deeper Layer Opposes Dialogue
The police detective comes to question Daphne about the client who committed suicide. On the surface, Daphne is arguing with the cop, but her star client is in the background listening. She has to be convincing that she will protect his personal information.
-
WIM MODULE 8 LESSON 1 11623
ROBERT SMITH’S DIALOGUE STRUCTURES
MY VISION FOR SUCCESS AFTER THE PROGRAM:
I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.
WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS …?
Important structures to keep a story moving and interesting. .
REVIEW OF PROJECT
CONCEPT: The soul of a slain Cosa Nostra mobster (Lou Tasca) cannot get into the World to
Come because of his life of crime. His only hope to redeem himself is to do an act of nearly impossible supreme good, namely, persuade the wiseguy who killed him (Carlo Vizzini) to quit the mob, trash his oath of silence about mob activity, surrender to the FBI. and enter the Witness Protection Program.
TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”
GENRE: GANGSTER-COMEDY
a. A scene from “Angels in Gangland” that uses the structure of Setup / Major Twist,
Ala Legally Blonde dinner scene.
Previously in “Angels in Gangland.”
At the Séance to expel the spirit of slain mobster LOU TASCA from haunting his killer’s (CARLO VIZZINI) apartment, and Carlo himself, something unexpected happens, i.e., Lou spirit-possesses Carlo and wars Psychic Waitress ZOEY (the Séance-conductor) to butt out because she is interfering in a divine mission to save the life and soul of Carlo Vizzini by Lou Tasca and his spirit-guide, RABBI SOLOMON LEVITSKY. Frightened, Zoey decides to get as far away as far away from the Cosa Nostra pervaded environment in which she lives as mob capo Tony Rizzo’s gumar (mistress) and waitress at his Tony’s Cocktail Lounge, headquarters for Rizzo’s crew of the Giordano crime family. SHERRIE FALCO (Carlo’s fiancé) also works there as a waitress and she leaves Carlo and rooms with Zoey and also decides to quit the mob scene completely and the cocktail lounge, as did her fellow waitress, MICHELLE IPPOLITO, who was actually revealed to be an FBI undercover agent spying on organized crime ( major reveal) at the Cocktail Lounge headquarters.
INT. TONY’S COCKTAIL LOUNGE – OFFICE – DAY
Tony Rizzo is already seated at his dingy cluttered desk. Behind his chair is a photo portrait of ’70;s gangster Crazy Joe Gallo – Tony’s idol, even dresses like him: sunglasses, black shirt, black tie.
Zoey and Sherrie enter, cross and seat themselves at Tony’s desk.
TONY
I am glad you wanted to meet with me. I have been
wanting to have a heart-to-heart with you.
ZOEY
You have?
TONY
Of course.
ZOEY
Alright. You go first.
TONY
Well, ever since Michelle left, I haven’t been able to
Replace her. And I have been working you girls like
Slaves.
ZOEY
And?
TONY
And in appreciation, I giving both of you a raise.
ZOEY and SHERRIE
A raise?
TONY
Isn’t that what you wanted to see me about?
ZOEY and SHERRIE
No.
TONY
Then what do you want?
ZOEY
We want you to fire us.
SHERRIE
The way you fired Michelle, so we can collect unemployment insurance.
TONY
(to Zoey.)
Does this mean we’re through?
ZOEY
Our relationship has no future.
TONY
Sure there’s a future. We continue in the future to have fun in the present
just as we have in the past.
ZOEY
We have to do the right thing. For you, the right thing
is reconciling with your wife..
TONY
And for you?
ZOEY
Giving your wife a humongous apology.
TONY
Don’t do it! You’ll blow the cover off all the lies I told her to
cover-up our affair. How are you going to make a living?
ZOEY
Well, at first I was going to move out on the Island and open up
my own Psychic Reading Business. But there is a problem. The
neighborhood isn’t zoned for Psychic Readers.
TONY
You mean, you didn’t know that?
SILENCE
TONY
What about you, Sherrie?
SHERRIE
I’m sticking with Zoey for the time being. Meanwhile,
I broke the engagement with Carlo.
TONY
He got too looney for you, huh? Hey, what happened at the Séance?
ZOEY
That’s a confidentiality with my client.
TONY
Well, both of youse already talked about the Séance to other people around the Lounge and you weirded them out. Why can’t I be weirded out?
ZOEY
We asked you to fire us and you haven’t fired us yet.
TONY
You have to do something to deserve to get fired.
SHERRIE
Like?
TONY
Tell me what happened at the Séance.
ZOEY
Lou Tasca’s spirit possessed Carlo and told us
to butt out because there is a divine mission
to save the life and the soul of Carlo.
TONY
Wait. Lemme get this straight. The spirit of Lou Tasca possessed Carlo and spoke through Carlo?
ZOEY
That’s the straight dope.
TONY
Reminds me of Voodoo.
ZOEY
Or the Zar religion in Egypt.
TONY
Did Carlo or Lou or whoever the f**k say anything about the two hundred G’s?
SHERRIE
Lou said the two-hundred thousand dollars were more cursed than the tomb of King Tut.
TONY
You two are just as looney as Carlo.
ZOEY
So?
TONY
So, what?!
ZOEY
We told you about the Séance. Aren’t you going to fire us?
TONY
You two are so fired! Get outta here!
Sherrie and Zoey exit
Tony swings his chair around to face Joey Gallo’s portrait on the wall.
TONY
(To the Gallo portrait.)
Double-U, double-U, J-D? What would you do Joey? Talk to me.
END OF SCENE
LESSON COMPLETE
-
Leona Heraty’s Dialogue Structures
My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…using these dialogue structures can really take a bland scene and make it great!
Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.3. Use the Dialogue Structures and rewrite at least one scene each to have a major impact through this structure. I combined two dialogue structures to revise this dialogue scene:
Opposite Meanings in Dialogue/ Setup / Major Twist
OLD VERSION9. EXT. TARA’S DRIVEWAY
Tara, Max and Clare are packing Tara’s car, loading up for their trip to Disneyland, excited and laughing.
Clare pulls three t-shirts out of a bag and hands one to Tara and one to Max. They say: The Three Amigo’s Summer Trip to Disneyland.
CLARE
Here, Tara, Max. I had these
made. Just for us three.MAX
Thanks, cousin.TARA
That’s so sweet of you, Clare.
Let’s go inside and change and
put them on.A car pulls up behind them in the driveway. Tara’s Dad gets out and rushes over. He frowns as he rushes up to the three, clearly stressed out.
TARA
Dad, what are you doing here?
Aren’t you supposed to be a tour
guide today?Kent looks down and shuffles his feet.
KENT
Tara, it’s like this. Meg’s boyfriend,
Tad, was going to drive but he’s well…
place…
(pause)
….incapacitated.
MAX
Huh?KENT
Hungover. He showed up at the
garden club but passed out in his
van. He’s out for the count.
And we gotta have a fourth driver…
(pause)
I’m driving, your Mom’s driving and
so is Betty Masters. And this is the
club’s biggest fundraiser of the year.
Something the ladies look forward to
all year long. I’d hate to leave some of
them behind because we’re short a driver…
(pause)
…I know you guys
were planning on the Haunted Mansion
today but I can’t find anyone else to
drive the tour at such short notice.Tara SIGHS and slumps back on the car. She pulls off her high school graduating class t-shirt that says ONE LAST BASH AT DISNEYLAND and folds it up and hands it to Clare.
Tara hugs her Dad as Max and Clare’s faces drop. What a disappointment.
KENT
I promise to make it up to you guys.
We can go again and spend the night at the
Disneyland Hotel, all on me. It’ll be a blast,
you’ll see.TARA
No problem, Dad. I’m glad to help out,
just a little disappointed, that’s all.
I’ll get over it…
(pause)
…But you know I’m directionally challenged.
I’m the last person who should be a tour guide.
You of all people remember what
happened in that corn maze.KENT
Yes, but that was when you were eight. Now
you’re eighteen. The past is the past.
You’ll have a map and you can use your
phone’s GPS…
(pause)
…You’ll find the house. It’s
a little remote, but you’ll
find it.Tara shrugs and CHUCKLES.
TARA
Sure, Dad. If you say so.Tara takes off her Mini Mouse ears and hands them to Clare.
TARA
(to Clare)
Hold on to these for me.CLARE
Will do.TARA
(to Clare and Max)
You guys should go without me.
It’ll be a fun day. Don’t miss
out because of me.CLARE
(to Max)
It won’t be the same without Tara.
We’re the three amigos, remember?
MAX
Yup. It just won’t be the same.TARA
Come on guys, I insist. Please go,
okay? I would feel so bad if you
stayed home because of me.Clare and Max look at each other, unsure.
TARA
Come on, group hug!Tara, Clare and Max form a hug circle.
Tara
(to Kent)
You too, Dad!Kent joins the group hug.
TARA
(sings)
Note: Tara and the group sing the Patrick Henry High School fight song, then do a football break.CLARE
(to Max)
Tara’s right. We should go to
Disneyland. And we can go with
Mr. and Mrs. Barker and Tara again next week.
Max looks at Tara and winks. She blushes.MAX
Okay. We’ll go. As long as we’re going
again next week. Tara, you know how
I love to go.Okay. Okay. I’m on my way.
TARA
I got bad news, kids. I gotta
drive for the garden tour. The
back-up and the back-up to the
back-up couldn’t do it.CLARE
Oh, no! That sucks!MAX
There’s no way you can get out of it?TARA shakes her head NO.
TARA
I made a promise. You guys go
without me. Have fun. My Mom
said she’ll buy all three of
us tickets to go to Disneyland
again soon.MAX
Okay, we’ll go. But it won’t be much
fun without you, Tara.CLARE
Yeah. Maybe we shouldn’t go, Max.TARA
No, I insist. Go. Have fun.
Take lots of photos. We’ll
go again soon.Tara hands the t-shirt back to Clare and frowns and SIGHS.
TARA
Hold on to this for me, will
yah? I’ll wear it when we go,
hopefully next week.REVISED VERSION
9. EXT. TARA’S DRIVEWAY
Tara, Max and Clare are packing Tara’s car, loading up for their trip to Disneyland, excited and laughing.
Clare pulls three t-shirts out of a bag and hands one to Tara and one to Max. They say: The Three Amigo’s Summer Trip to Disneyland.
CLARE
Here, Tara, Max. I had these
made. Just for us three.MAX
Thanks, cousin.TARA
That’s so sweet of you, Clare.
Let’s go inside and change and
put them on.Tara’s Dad, Kent, pulls up behind them in the driveway. His windows are rolled up. He’s talking on his cell phone. Tara winks at Max and Clare.
TARA
(to Max and Clare)
Oh, my Dad’s just dropping by to tell
me the good news.MAX
You got that summer internship?TARA
Yup. He said he would deliver the
news in person. That’s how he is…
(pause)
So dramatic. But always considerate.
That’s why I love my Dad.Kent’s windows are rolled up. He waves at Tara and indicates he’ll be off the phone in a second.
JOAN
(on speaker phone)
I know she’ll be disappointed. Just let
her know how much we appreciate
her filling in.KENT
(on speaker phone)
Why do I always have to be the bad guy?JOAN
(on speaker phone)
Because you’re so diplomatic, honey.
You can do it. Just tell her we’ll take
her and Max and Clare to Disneyland twice
this summer.KENT
Okay.Kent hangs up the speaker phone, frowns and shrugs, then puts on his happy face. He gets out of the car and strolls over, then smiles and hugs Tara and smiles at Max and Clare.
TARA
Dad, I already know what you’re gonna say.
And I’m so excited.Kent coughs, fidgets with his keys and smiles.
KENT
You are?
TARA
Who wouldn’t be? It’s like a dream
come true.KENT
Well, I wouldn’t put it that way.
But each to his own.TARA
Well, it’s my dream come true. And
you always told me to go after my dreams.KENT
True. True. But I —TARA
And I would start today if I could.
But we’re headed to Disneyland.
So I can’t. But I’m sure Mr. and Mrs.
Townsend will understand.KENT
The Townsends?Tara rolls her eyes and pats her Dad on the back.
TARA
You always were a jokester, Dad.
But really. Let them know I can
start tomorrow?KENT
Start? Umm…but we need you today.Kent looks at his watch and frowns.
KENT
(CON’T)
In fact, it’ll be starting in about
an hour.TARA
The Townsends said I could start after
the fifteenth. I already told them about
our trip to Disneyland.Tara grins as Max and Clare CHEER and hug Tara.
KENT
What do the Townsends have to do with
your Mom’s Garden Club Tour today? Are
they joining us?TARA
What are you talking about? They told you
I got the internship…at the yacht club…
this summer, right?The lights come on in Kent’s eyes. He SIGNS and frowns, and looks down, kicking the ground.
KENT
Tara, honey, that’s not why I’m here. I
don’t have any news about your internship.TARA
You don’t?KENT
No, I’m sorry sweetie, for the misunderstanding.
It’s like this. You know Davy’s grandmother, Meg?Tara nods YES.
KENT
(CON’T)
He was our backup driver. But he’s really
hungover. He showed up at the
garden club but passed out in his
van. He’s out for the count.
And we gotta have a fourth driver…
(pause)
I’m driving, your Mom’s driving and
so is Betty Masters. And this is the
club’s biggest fundraiser of the year.
Something the ladies look forward to
all year long. I’d hate to leave some of
them behind because we’re short a driver…
(pause)
…I know you guys
were planning on the Haunted Mansion
today but I can’t find anyone else to
drive the tour at such short notice.Tara SIGHS and slumps back on the car. She pulls off her high school graduating class t-shirt that says ONE LAST BASH AT DISNEYLAND and folds it up and hands it to Clare.
Tara hugs her Dad as Max and Clare’s faces drop. What a disappointment.
KENT
I promise to make it up to you guys.
We can go again and spend the night at the
Disneyland Hotel, all on me. It’ll be a blast,
you’ll see.TARA
No problem, Dad. I’m glad to help out,
just a little disappointed, that’s all.
I’ll get over it…
(pause)
…But you know I’m directionally challenged.
I’m the last person who should be a tour guide.
You of all people remember what
happened in that corn maze.KENT
Yes, but that was when you were eight. Now
you’re eighteen. The past is the past.
You’ll have a map and you can use your
phone’s GPS…
(pause)
…You’ll find the house. It’s
a little remote, but you’ll
find it.Tara shrugs and CHUCKLES.
TARA
Sure, Dad. If you say so.Tara takes off her Mini Mouse ears and hands them to Clare.
TARA
(to Clare)
Hold on to these for me.CLARE
Will do.TARA
(to Clare and Max)
You guys should go without me.
It’ll be a fun day. Don’t miss
out because of me.CLARE
(to Max)
It won’t be the same without Tara.
We’re the three amigos, remember?
MAX
Yup. It just won’t be the same.TARA
Come on guys, I insist. Please go,
okay? I would feel so bad if you
stayed home because of me.Clare and Max look at each other, unsure.
TARA
Come on, group hug!Tara, Clare and Max form a hug circle.
Tara
(to Kent)
You too, Dad!Kent joins the group hug.
TARA
(sings)
Note: Tara and the group sing the Patrick Henry High School fight song, then do a football break.CLARE
(to Max)
Tara’s right. We should go to
Disneyland. And we can go with
Mr. and Mrs. Barker and Tara again next week.
Max looks at Tara and winks. She blushes.MAX
Okay. We’ll go. As long as we’re going
again next week. Tara, you know how
I love to go.Okay. Okay. I’m on my way.
TARA
I got bad news, kids. I gotta
drive for the garden tour. The
back-up and the back-up to the
back-up couldn’t do it.CLARE
Oh, no! That sucks!MAX
There’s no way you can get out of it?TARA shakes her head NO.
TARA
I made a promise. You guys go
without me. Have fun. My Mom
said she’ll buy all three of
us tickets to go to Disneyland
again soon.MAX
Okay, we’ll go. But it won’t be much
fun without you, Tara.CLARE
Yeah. Maybe we shouldn’t go, Max.TARA
No, I insist. Go. Have fun.
Take lots of photos. We’ll
go again soon.Tara hands the t-shirt back to Clare and frowns and SIGHS.
TARA
Hold on to this for me, will
yah? I’ll wear it when we go,
hopefully next week.-
This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Leona Heraty.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Leona Heraty.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by
-
CJ’s Dialogue Structures
Vision: I am a confident and empowered writer who embraces challenges and changes and writes produced highly sought-after projects with fresh and exciting ideas.
WIL: I needed this reminder to make sure my set up works for my payoff later. Some great examples to help me tweak my dialogue.
Title: MEMORY HUNTERS
Concept:
In a future with technology to retrieve memories, a Memory Hunter, caught in the mind of a psychopath struggles to find a way out before he destroys her mind and kills her.
ASSIGNMENT
Identify all the scenes in your script that could be driven by the dialogue.
3. Use the Dialogue Structures and rewrite at least one scene each to have a major impact through this structure.
A. Setup / Major TwistB. Opposite Meanings in DialogueC. Subtext Drives The MeaningD. Deeper Layer Opposes Dialogue
I was able to use this in several crucial dialogue scenarios.
-
Amechi’s Dialogue Structures
What I learned doing this assignment is that even if I think I have a good scene it can be rewritten to make the dialogue stand out more.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films. -
Joe McGloin’s Dialogue Structures
Vision: I am a talented, highly regarded, efficient, relaxed, happy screenwriter
What I learned doing this assignment is I need a lot of work with this because I found very few places and no full scenes, which means despite my best efforts, I am protecting my draft work. Humbling, but I’ll work on it.
2. Identify all the scenes in your script that could be driven by the dialogue.
3. Use the Dialogue Structures and rewrite at least one scene each to have a major impact through this structure.
A. Setup / Major Twist
B. Opposite Meanings in Dialogue
C. Subtext Drives the Meaning
D. Deeper Layer Opposes Dialogue -
Lori Lance’s Dialogue Structures
Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.
What I learned is to take a deeper look at dialogue going scene by scene. Dialogue can reveal character and drive the story forward in powerful ways.
Setup / Major Twist:
Alex waves frantically to Gavin.
ALEX
Gavin! Gavin Logan! Over here!
Gavin sees Alex, her ridiculous clothes, and the car in the grass. He acts angry and turns to walk toward the line of school buses.
Alex runs up to him.
ALEX
Gavin?
GAVIN
What are you doing here?
ALEX
Why are you acting like this?
Gavin takes out his graded book report from inside a textbook, a big fat D.
ALEX
That can’t be right. The teacher obviously doesn’t understand the book. I’d like to talk to her.
GAVIN
Him and no, and the grade isn’t the worst part. Now everyone thinks I’m a racist.
ALEX
Like during the civil war, or in the 1950’s with segregation, or…
GAVIN
No, like in 7th hour. My best friend won’t speak to me now.
Gavin is almost in tears.
Opposite Meanings in Dialogue:
In this scene Alex is at a beauty salon getting a makeover. Alex is being very literal in what she says, but the women she is speaking to aren’t aware of this.
MARGERET
Ladies, this is Alex, and she’s just been shut down by a man.
JOLENNE
Tell us all about it, girl.
ALEX
I was trying to make a grand gesture so that Brad would notice me.
KATHERINE
Who is this Brad?
ALEX
He’s the father of my children.
JOLENNE
Say what? He must have noticed you at some time or another.
ALEX
Maybe a little at first.
KATHERINE
How soon they forget.
ALEX
I’ve been trying really hard to present nice meals, and I mostly finish everything on my daily chore list.
JOLENNE
Your what now?
ALEX
He’s kind enough to make me a list. That’s why he keeps me around, that and to care for the children.
MARGERET
I had no idea it was this serious.
KATHERINE
This is how a man treats his wife? I had a man like that once, and I cut him off at the knees.
Alex looks like she’s contemplating the idea, then shrugs.
ALEX
That sounds a little extreme. Oh, Brad isn’t my husband yet. I just work for him.
MARGERET
Tell me you don’t just slave all day and not get any recognition.
ALEX
All day long, like a well-oiled machine. Alex, can you do this? Alex, can you do that? Finally, he just made me a list.
KATHERINE
What does he think you are, a robot?
ALEX
Yes! You ladies really get me.
MARGERET
I hope you’re getting well paid at least.
JOLENNE
Sounds like you’re freaking Mary Poppins.
ALEX
I don’t make anything really.
Subtext Drives The Meaning:
Alex is watching an old movie, and she’s obviously an emotional mess.
ALEX
(to the TV)
No, stop, turn around, you two were meant to be together. She loves you.
Deeper Layer Opposes Dialogue:
Claire is alive and well at this point, but Alex hints at her plan to get rid of Claire.
ALEX
His wife died a tragic, mysterious death. No one knows what became of Claire. She left on a business trip and never returned.
Log in to reply.