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Day 1: What I learned …
Please post what you learned by rewriting your scenes.
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4 Replies
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What I learned rewriting my scene…?
— I learned I need most/all of these elements ramped up in my 2 intro scenes introducing the 2 protags. The elevating elements in this lesson really helped me make some improvements, though I may be making further improvements in the future.
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Week 1 Day 3: Three Turning Points
What I learned:
Ways to use supense, intrigue, surprise to make turing points that push the story foward.
I also learned that when Brainstorming once serendipity happens, new ideas take you out of
the box enhancing creativity.
In the opening scene a BLACK MAN walking in a white suburb is jumped and carted away
in the trunk of a car, a hidden twist later revealed at the welcoming party under hypnosis.
CHRIS and his GIRL FRIEND are a loving couple, on a drive to her PARENTS house, while
in conversation, they hit a DEAR, it scares them, and changes the tone of the story.
In a session with the MOTHER (a Psychologist), she starts by asking Chris personal
questions about childhood, then she hypnotizes him into thinking he’s sinking, he wakes
thinking it was a dream, fear is building in him.
Chris notices strange behavior of the GROUNDS KEEP and the MAID they seem familiar to him.
Then at the welcoming party, all GUEST’S were studying him as if he was next on the menue.
Chris takes a picture of the Black Man, the flash wakes him from hypnosis, he rushes and
grabs Chris warning him to GET OUT!
Later in the house the entire Family reveals themselves, now paranoid,Chris demands to leave, but gets rehypnotized by Mom and is tied to a chair held captive.
The story is simple, there’s supense, intrigue, and surprise in every scene which pushes
the story foward to the very end.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by Huey Williams.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by
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Week 1 Day 3: TURNING POINTS
WHAT I LEARNED:
How to use INTRIGUE, SUPENSE, and SURPRISE in ways that entertain
as well as engage. Also, I learned when BRAINSTORMING once SERENDIPITY
happens it pushes you out of the box, CREATIVITY explodes and new IDEAS flow.
THE PITCH: A tale about a private communinity where every year on Holloween day
the children use telepathy by way of suggestion to control and manipulate their
parents into doing what ever they desire.
TITLE: “TRICK OR TREAT”
GENRE: ACTION,HORROR
FADE IN:
INT. JOHNSON HOUSE HOLLOWEEN DAY – DUST
MR. JOHNSON sits in his recliner chair reading the paper.
MR.JOHNSON
Honey, a child was kidnapped two days ago nearby. The
Authorities state, the child was taken while playing in the
yard while is MOM was on the phone. As of now there are
no leads.
MRS. JOHNSON dresses LITTLE EDWARD in his holloween out fit.
MRS.JOHNSON
You look very cute in your Alice in Wonderland
Bunny costume, yes you doo.
Little Edward giggles with a big smile on his face.
EXT. JOHNSON HOUSE – DUST
Mrs. Johnson and Edward get into the car and head for the Holloween Party.
INT. MRS. JOHNSON’S CAR – DUST
Little Edward sits in the back tucked tightly with a seatbelt. During the drive
Edward makes a strange face the grunts.
MRS.JOHNSON
Yes son.
Mrs. Johnson stops at the local Mc Donalds, picks up a happy meal, Edward
request, then they continue to party.
EXT. AN OLD ABANDONED MANSION – DUST
ALL FOUR CHILDREN arrive at the same time, KATHY dressed as a lamb, MARTY
dressed as the joker, WILLIAM dressed as super hero and Edward.
ONE PARENT accompanies each of them into the mansion.
Out of the darkness one univited guest appears, the boy who was kidnapped,
RILEY dressed as the reaper, and the DIRTY OLD homeless MAN who took him.
INT. ABANDONED MANSION – DUST
The lights go on as they entire the dusty old creaky ADAMS FAMILY HOUSE.
THING a hand welcomes them, takes to the study where they are to be seated,
hops back into his box.
The Parents and Homeless Man are, unaware of what’s taking place as if under
hypnosis.
The Ghost of LURCH begines play organ music as they introduces themselves
and take seats at the round table.
SEVERAL GHOSTS fly around overhead.
Riley begins the meeting by apologizing for not being invited.
RILEY
Sorry for barging in like this but I want to get back
with my family and away from being on the street
with this idiot. Each of you have a plan, get it done
and return back here before midnight when trick or
treat ends.
They all leave the Mansion and begin their plan.
SHORT SEQUENCES:
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Riley takes his kidnapper to every place of business in walking distance, waits
outside, controls him to go in and rob the place making sure he exposes
himself to the security cameras.
The kindapper’s true nature comes out, he roughs up several of the PATRONS.
Then Riley, the kidnapper, and the extorted goods, make their way to the Police
Station.
Riley explains to the Police,
RILEY
I was kidnapped by this man a week a go,
he just robbed several place of buseness.
It’s been a rough week, and I would like to
go home.
The Police verify everything Riley says, then take the kidnapper into custody,
arrange for Riley tobe picked up by is PARENT…
SHORT SEQUENCE:
INT. FATHERS SUV – NIGHT
William gives his Father a mask, super powers, a overwhelming urge to fight crime,
His Father drives a MERCEDES BENZ BRABUS AMG 800 G63 BLACK and GOLD
Package as close to a batmobile as you can get, perfect for the task ahead.
William and his Father head to a part of the city known for drug trafficing,
prostitution, violent crime, muggings,and the homeless.
William’s Father park in a secluded safe spot away from all the action, equips
his Dad with a body cam and monitors everything from the computer in
back of drivers seat.
EXT. DOWNTOWN CITY – NIGHT
William’s Dad exits SUV and immediately intervens a mugging, TWO MEN taking
a WOMEN’S goods, he leaps into action throwing kicks and punches, the men
run away, she thanks him and continues home.
Accross the street at the park a MEN is trying to rape a WOMAN in the darkness,
she is screaming his Dad rushes to the scene, kicks the man to the ground, she
runs off, the man is knocked out on the ground.
INT. BACK SEAT OF THE SUV – NIGHT
William is watching all the action, when a STRANG MAN appears at his window,
he tries to open the door it’s lock, then he pick up a rock, preparing to break
the window.
Out of noware William’s Dad throws a flying side kick that knock the man to the
ground, he hops in the SUV and they speed away. William and his Dad drive
around the city looking for more action before heading back to the Adam’s
Mansion…
SHORT SEQUENCE:
Kathy, dressed in her lamb costume rides shotgun with her MOM in the family
TOYOTA XSE SIENNA minivan. Oh yes, before warned Kathy is one of the
toughest girls in her school.
SEVERAL BOYS have felt her rathe, during two of her confrontations with boys
a lot bigger than her, a TEACHER was a welcome sight to the boys, when he pull
her off of them. And she made sure the whole school was watching as she gave
them a lesson in defense.
INT. TOYOTA XSE SIENNA MINIVAN – NIGHT
Kathy and her Mom pull up and park in an area heavely populated by KIDS going
from house trick or treating.
Kathy spots a GROUP OF OLDER BOYS bullying and taking candy from YOUNGER
KIDS, she and Mom jump out of the van make their way towards the Group.
BOY ONE
Shit, it’s Kathy and her Mom, they look like
they mean business, I’m out of here!
The Group takes off running as fast as they can into the darkness.
Kathy and her Mom Police the area looking for anyone taking advantage
of the CHILDREN. Oh yes, I should have mentioned, Kathy’s Mom, RHONDA a forth
degree black belt Martial Artists, her Father Mike a fifth degree Martial Artists,
they operate a dojo in town…
Little Edward is being walk by his Mother stopping at each house grabing
goodies while she holds his bag of treats and follows along behind. Well it
seems that all little Edward wanted out of the deal was to replenish a sweet tooth,
and maybe stop by Mc Donalds for another happy meal, then crash out on the way
home…
FINAL SEQUENCE:
Now we enter the world of YOUNG MARTY, his special gifts and
a strange personality that makes him Joker extraordinal.
EXT. DOWNTOWN – NIGHT
With midnight slowly approaching Marty and his FATHER in his Rolls-Royce
Dawn by Mansory make their way threw town headed to the outskirts.
INT. ROLLS – ROYCE DAWN BY MANSORY – NIGHT
MARTY
Pull over here Dad, and come with me.
They pull over park, exit car and get into an old ice cream truck. They drive
a short distance in the middle of darkness, stop and sit without making a sound.
The full moon and a small light over the counter of the ice cream truck is the
only light. A strange howl of a injured WOLF is hearded in the distance.
Suddenly the wolf appears flexing his sharp teeth growling, foaming at the mouth,
prepares to jump into the truck, attack Marty and rip deep into his flesh. Through
the power of suggestion Marty enters the animals mind, changing his behavior,
the wolf humbles himself by wagging his tail, then runs back into the wilderness.
Everything becomes silent again…
Different and strange LIFE FORMS are drawn from the darkness, they approach the
ice cream truck, the Joker administers telepathic treats to each of them, and they
return from which they came…
EXT. CITY STREETS – MIDNIGHT
The Joker and his Father in their Rolls-Royce Dawn on the road headed home
under a full moon…
EXT. THE ADAMS FAMILY MANSION – MIDNIGHT
Thing opens the door, places a “NO TRUSTPASSING” sign on the door,
then slams is closed.
Lurch begins playing the Adams Family song on the organ…
An Audience sing along:
There house is a Museum where people come to see um, they really are a screa um,
the Adams Family, Don, Don, Don, Click! Click! And on the last click the screen
goes black…THE END.
FADE OUT
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Week 1 Day 5: Resolution Scene 1
SE7EN
A SERIAL KILLER known as JOHN DOE who’s talents and intellect is beyound anything
Law Enforcement has ever encountered. His victims are horribly murdered based on
the seven deadly sins, with each murder John leads Det. Somerset and Det. Mills
deeper into his plan. In the final scene John Kills Det. Mill’s wife by beheading her
puting her head in a box, then taunting him, telling him she was pregnant. Everything
goes the way John plans including his death when Det. Wills empties a magazine of
bullits on him.
What I learned:
You have to really do a lot of reasearch to create a SERIAL KILLER as dynamic as
JOHN DOE, to enable him to win in the end as he did. The dialogue, very direct,
served in a vicious way, meant to inflict pain with every spoken word, with
religious meaning. John Doe sent a message with every victum he killed.
The seven deadly sins and their counter parts:
To overcome GLUTTONY – You must practice TEMPERANCE.
For GREED – You must practice CHARITY.
For SLOTH – You must be DILIGENT.
For LUST – You must practice CHASTITY.
For PRIDE – You must show HUMILITY.
For RATHE – You must have PATIENTS.
For ENVY – You must have GRATITUDE for what you have.
THE PITCH:
One man attempt to set the world to rights.
THE TITLE: “THE MESSENGER”
GENRE: MYSTERY
FADE IN:
With every murder John Doe commets there is a concelled clue left for Det. Mills
and Det. Somerset.
John Doe’s first victum is a BIG FAT MAN at the dinner table eating himself to death,
gluttony the lesson here is temperance.
John Doe kills a GREEDY LAWYER in his office on a stack of books, greed, the lesson
here is charity.
John Doe kills a DRUG DEALER, he torchers the man for over a year’s time killing
him slowly, sloth the leson here is diligence.
John Doe kills THE LADY OF LUST, lust, the lesson chastity.
John Doe kills THE MODEL, pride, the lesson humility.
There are TWO OTHER MURDERS which I won’t cover.
Finally he kills Det. WILLS”S WIFE, because he envyed him, he beheaded her
and put her head in a box and said hurtful things to him, his wife was pregnant,
etc.
EXT. A FIELD OF DRY GRASS – AFTERNOON
Det. Somerset opens the box and see’s Det. Wills’s Wife’s bloody head he gasps,
then runs back to stop Det. Wills who’s holding John Doe at gun point.
DET. SOMERSET
Wills if you kill him, he wins, you loose!
Det. Somerset grabs Det. Will and his gun falls near John Doe, he grabs the gun
and put the barrel in his mouth and pulls the trigger and blows his brains out…
THE END
FADE OUT
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Huey Williams.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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