Screenwriting Mastery Forums Scene Mastery Scene Mastery 6 Week 2 Week 2 Day 4 – What I learned …

  • Lynn Vincentnathan

    Member
    January 25, 2023 at 5:17 am

    WHAT I LEARNED REWRITING MY SCENE:

    – Re SPIDERMAN, it’s best to show not tell when revealing character. I reveal various things about my characters in various parts of the script and it’s mainly show. However, when it is “tell,” like backstory wound, I strive to make it dramatic, like in anger or some other emotion.

  • Huey Williams

    Member
    March 27, 2023 at 11:41 pm

    Week 2 Day 4: Character Reveal – SPIDERMAN

    What Makes The Scene Great?

    Young PETER PARKER is bitten by a rare spider, suddenly finds himself with

    special spider like powers, it all starts when he saves the GIRL of his

    dreams from a nasty fall. Peter spins web which catches a plate of food

    and lands on the back of a BULLY, which ends in a fight in the hallway.

    ALL STUDENTS watch in surprise as Peter display more special powers, as he

    side step punches, then punches Bully across the floor. Both scenses are

    great, they demand that he take action, as well as being creative, lots of

    subtext very good action sequences.

    THE PITCH: Young JERRY STRANG while at the zoo, teases a Monkey with a banana,

    angering it until he bites his finger, strange things begin to happen.

    TITLE: “MONKEY BEHAVIOR”

    GENRE: COMEDY

    FADE IN:

    EXT. LOCAL ZOO – AFTERNOON

    JERRY STRANG stands outside a Monkey Cage teasing a LARGE MONKEY with a banana,

    finally he gets a bite on his finger, he jumps around in pain, and the Big

    Monkey starts laughing while he eats the banana.

    Jerry Strang and the Big Monkey part ways giving each other the middle finger…

    INT. THE STRANG HOUSE – NIGHT

    Jerry lies in bed having a very unrestful sleep, he’s dreaming, a night mare…

    DISSOLVE:

    He’s a big monkey desperately swinging and leaping from tree branch to tree

    branch being chased by a hungry LEOPARD thats getting closer with every branch.

    The Leopard makes a desperate leap and almost captures Jerry, but a last minute

    move allows him to escape as he falls in the water below…

    CUT TO – A super imposed view of the Monkey at the zoo laughing at him out loud!

    Jerry wakes up in a cold sweat and in shock.

    JERRY STRANG

    What’s happening to me?

    Jerry jumps out of bed and runs to the nearest mirror to see if is face is still

    there, then he gets dressed…

    EXT. A BUSY STREET NEAR A PARK – AFTERNOON

    Jerry walks along the street near a park where there are DOG WALKERS, one of the

    dogs smells him and starts barking at him, several of the other dogs catch his

    sent, suddenley they all start chaseing him down the street barking, he ducks into

    a building.

    JERRY STRANG

    What the heck, what’s going on?

    CUT TO – A super imposed view of the Monkey at the zoo laughing at him out loud!

    The dogs finally leave the building and Jerry Head for his job.

    INT. BOB’S MECHANICS SHOP – AFTERNOON

    Jerry enters the machanics shop where he works and is greeted by his BOSS ARNOLD.

    BOSS ARNOLD

    You’re five minutes late, what’s your excuse?

    JERRY STRANG

    Oh, I had to help an old Lady accross the street.

    Boss Arnold just looks at Jerry and doesn’t say anything.

    BOSS ARNOLD

    OK, there’s a car on the rack that needs an oil

    change, take care of it.

    Jerry goes to the car and begins the oil change.

    LUNCH TIME:

    Jerry sits in a comfortable spot near the engine lift eating his lunch, he dozes

    off and sometime in his sleep he has a position change.

    Boss Arnold walks up from his office to find Jerry hanging upside down

    from the motor hoist, he stands there stairing.

    BOSS ARNOLD

    Jerry!

    Jerry falls to the floor and wakes up and gets to his feet.

    JERRY STRANG

    Sorry Boss, I dozed off for a bit.

    BOSS ARNOLD

    Things are a little slow today, take the rest

    of the day off, come back in the morning, and

    take care of that bump on your head.

    JERRY STRANG

    Sure thing Boss.

    Boss Arnold watches Jerry closely as he heads out of the shop.

    INT. THE STRANG HOUSE – EVENING

    Jerry sits in his room thinking about his condition.

    JERRY STRANG

    The dreams, the dog chase, what happened at

    work, it’s all connected to the monkey at the

    zoo, it has tobe.

    EXT. LOCAL ZOO – AFTERNOON

    Jerry approaches the Monkey with a platter of fruits, presents it to the

    Monkey. And after helping himself to the fruit he shakes hands with Jerry,

    they are now friends and his powers, gone…

    END

    FADE OUT

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