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Week 2 Day 1 What I learned …
What I learned rewriting ….
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3 Replies
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What I learned is how to write Characters without naming or describing them, but instead using unique dialogue, what they due in their private lives and their individualty, it all paints a dramatic picture of them on a written page.
12 Angry Men originally a teleplay written by REGINALD ROSE, broadcasted on CBS in 1954 as part of the Studio One Series, later rewritten for film in 1957, nominated for BEST PICTURE, BEST DIRECTOR, BEST SCREEN PLAY.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Huey Williams.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by
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A murder case ends, and all 12 Jurors convene in jury room to iron out a verdict in the case, but after an eleven guilty to one not guilty vote, creats conflict and anger among them forcing aggressive debate, indicision, very dynamic dialogue that engages the Audience. Whom they are is revealed by their dialogue, also by what they do in their private lives, the Audience is engaged by questions that must be answered by the end of story. It’s a roller coaster ride of emotions with every sequence as opinions change with every conflict. The following is some of the most engaging diaologue in the piece.
FADE IN:
JUDGE’S NARRATION:
The DIFINDENT has been found gilty as charged of first degree murder. It is now your duty as jurors to sit down and try and separate the facts
from the fancy. If there’s a reasonable doubt in your minds as to the guilt of the accused, then you must bring me a verdict of not guilty. One
man is dead, another man’s life is a stake. How ever you decide, your verdict must be unanimous.
INT. JURYROOM – DAY
All TWELVE MEN sit at table facing each other.
FOREMAN
We have a first degree murder charge here and if we vote the accused
guilty, we’ve got to send him to the chair. This has to be twelve or
nothing vote either way, that’s the law.
The Jurors take a vote, all vote guilty except Juror EIGHT who votes not guilty.
The CONFLICT BREAKES OUT IMMEDIATELY!
JUROR SEVEN
Now what? I want to get it out there, I have tickets for tonights game, I can’t be here all night.
Juror seven jump from his seat and starts walking around the rroom.
JUROR THREE
You sat in court with the rest of us, you heard what we did, the kid’s a dangerous
killer. Do you really think he’s innocent?
JUROR EIGHT
I don’t know, let’s talk about it. He’s eighteen years old. This kid’s been kick around
all his life, born in the slums, mother dead since he was nine. Lived a year and a half
in an orphanage while his father did time in prison, his life has been miserable.
JUROR THREE
He stabbed his oun father four inches into his chest, they proved it a dozen
different ways in court. The knife this fine boy admitted buying the night of
killing. Let’s talk about it.
JUROR EIGHT
Let’s talk about it.
Juror eleven stand up from his seat.
JUROR ELEVEN
There is a question I would like to ask? If the boy really had killed his father, why would
he come back home three hours later? Wouldn’t he be afraid of being caught?
JUROR FOUR
The witness she got a good look at the boy in the act of stabbing his father. This is unshakable
testimony.
Holding the knife Juror Three.
JUROR THREE
Well, what do you want? I say he’s guilty. Sure, you can take all the time and hobble around the
room, but you can’t prove it. I’ll bet you five thousand dollars I’d remember the movies I saw. I’m
telling you everything that’s going on in this room right now is twisted. The woman testified in
open court.
Juror Ten get up to hang his coat up on the rack.
JUROR TEN
You’re not gonna tell me that we’re supposed to believe this kid, knowing what he is? he’s a
common ignorant slob. He don’t even speak good English. Listen, I’ve lived among them all my
life, what about the woman across the street? If her testimony don’t prove it, nothing does.
Then Juror Ten sits back in his chair bitching.
JUROR EIGHT
You don’t believe the boy’s story. How come you believe the woman’s, she’s one of them, too,
isn’t she?
Juror Eight calls Juror a sadist to prove a point.
JUROR EIGHT
You’re a sadist.
The othe Jurors stop Juror Three as he tries to attack Juror Eight.
JUROR THREE
I’ll kill him, I kill him!
Juror Eight calmly.
JUROR EIGHT
You don’t mean you’ll kill me, do you?
The FOREMAN brings everything back in order.
THE FOREMAN
Gentlemen, calm down! Let’s everybody take their seats.
I don’t know about you but the following confict has been a preview, it kept me engaged and I’m not going anywhere
until I see what happens at stories end.
FADE OUT:
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Huey Williams. Reason: assignment was unfinished, had problems with login, sorry
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Huey Williams.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by
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LOST INTRO: Rethink your Character Intro scene using your new insights and rewrite the scene. Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?”
– It’s a RomCom mainly set on a college campus. I’ve added a brief establishing scene before the character intro scenes that shows we are in the Rio Grande Valley of South Texas and on a college campus (entry sign) with MARIACHI MUSIC.
– I’ve added some visuals to my character intro scene. Originally I had a “Turtle Center visit” poster with protag Ellie and friend Luz putting it up. So before that I gave visuals of other posters: An Anime Club poster about their pizza sale, a Ø Ø Ø (Phi Phi Phi) Frat’s lemonade stand poster to raise funds for their Hazing Party, and The Green Rangers trip to lasso the Texas Legislature poster, with a graphic of green cowboys lassoing the Texas Capitol Building. THEN my protag’s poster.
– I also added a new character in conflict with the Ellie and her club, the leader of the Green Rangers, and in their snippy and angry snarls mention of her splitting off and nearly destroying the Ellie’s Environmental Club.
– made more changes to bring exposition into a conflict or banter dialogue.
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