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DAY 6 WILLIAM BEASLEY PUNCHLINES
WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT IS HOW TO USE VARIOUS WAYS TO GET A GREAT PUNCHLINE.
Apartment of senior citizens Gladys and Eddie. both in their late 60’s.
GLADYS
Eddie, you coming to bed?
EDDIE
In a moment, Gladys.
GLADYS
You told me that fifteen minutes ago.
EDDIE
Don’t rush me, dear.
GLADYS
Are you still watching that silly football game?
EDDIE
It’s not a silly game, the Giants are playing.
GLADYS
You said you were gonna turn it off and come to bed.
EDDIE
Switches channels
I’m not watching the game.
GLADYS
Then why aren’t you in here?
EDDIE
Switches channel back to game, silently rooting..
I’m coming.
GLADYS
You could’ve come several times already.
EDDIE
What you say?
GLADYS
Never mind. Hurry up. I’ve my sexy negligee on.
EDDIE
You found it?
GLADYS
Of course, darling.
EDDIE
I thought it would take you much longer to find it.
GLADYS
Oh no. It was in the box with our other toys.
EDDIE
You found the box too?
GLADYS
I knew exactly where it was.
EDDIE
You did?
GLADYS
Just because we haven’t used it doesn’t mean I haven’t kept track of its location.
EDDIE
Why would you need to keep track of it?
GLADYS
Oh, you know, make sure everything is still in working order if and when we need them. Make sure the batteries are still working.
EDDIE
Well, are they?
GLADYS
Every last one.
EDDIE
Why do you need those when I’m here all the time?
GLADYS
Your being here and being available are two different things.
EDDIE
I’m always available to you if you ask.
GLADYS
I asked you fifteen minutes ago.
EDDIE
And I told you, in a moment.
GLADYS
ABSURD REQUEST
Can you bring me my puzzle book?
COMPARISON
Suppose I call Bob next door to fill in for you til you’re ready?
EXAGGERATION
Oh, my goodness. How will I ever last until then?
INSULT
You want me to wait a moment for two minutes of action?
METAPHOR
Your moments are coming like Christmas, once a year.
MISINTERPRETATION
I haven’t got a moment to spare today.
PARODY
First a moment, then an hour, then days.
RENAME
How many minutes are we talking about?
REVERSAL
I’ll start without you and maybe I won’t need you.
UNDERSTATEMENT
A moment is all it takes anyway.
I like the Comparison Punchline.
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Christy Waites’ Punchlines
“what I’ve learned…”
I had a harder time coming up with a scene for this assignment. I understood each of the figure of speeches, I hear them so many times used in overly comic shows and shows that just want to throw some comedy in (like I just watched Aquaman for the first time, and wondered why they had to throw in three bad setups for three bad punchlines—absolutely not needed if you ask me). So I had to work harder on this lesson. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do anything else but what I know, i.e. exaggeration. However, I did stick insult in at the end. Now I know what I need to work on to get more humor in my so call truecomedy scripts.
This scene is the result of Tavis McThorn secretly returning home after being away for three years in British Ruled India. He’s visiting his father office after he’s discovered some bad news.
TAVIS
Jack let’s face it. You’ve been stealing from my family since yours lost everything.
LORD MCTHORN
Ochs! I was suspicious, but I didn’t want to believe it!
In the outer room, the Young Woman Secretary is screaming.
Jack turns to face Lord McThorn who is holding his head with both hands and shaking it from side to side.
LORD MCTHORN
I trusted you! You are the son of my best friend!
Jack returns his attention to Tavis, his face turning red.
JACK
Why you, you dirty damn little thrum, you!
Jack, gritting his teeth, moves rapidly towards Tavis.
At the same time, Nair opens the office door and walks in. Tree-years-old, three hundred- and fifty-five-pound Tilly follows rapidly behind him. Tilly quickly ascertains the threat and pounces on Jack.
Grabbing the back of his pants by the waist, Tilly pulls Jack and sits down, leaving Jack in an acute angle.
She growls deep in her throat.
(PUNCHLINE: EXAGGERATION)
TAVIS
Ah, Tilly, my pet, I’m so happy to see that your first manhunt has been resolved. I do believe you will be eating off that carcass for days.
Jack struggles to see what is pulling on his pants.
JACK
What? What the hell is going on?
(INSULT)
TAVIS
I know his meat might be gamey, but a little bit of honey will make it taste tolerable.
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Day 6 Assignment
darryl brant – punchlines
What I learned from this at times arduous task is that there are so many possible avenues to find the best possible punchline which in turn creates even more comedic possibilities.
In this scene, Ruth is telling a war story about her father Grady.
EXT. FIELD – DAY – FLASHBACK
Grady crouches behind a bale of hay with the ginger and blonde cadet. In front is nothing but the Canadian prairies.
RUTH (V.O.)
Dad was on a secret mission.
GINGER RECRUIT
We’re sitting ducks here. You can see for miles.
GRADY
There’s some movement in the distance.
RUTH (V.O.)
Daddy spotted some movement in the distance.
GINGER RECRUIT
You hear an echo?
The blonde recruit grabs the binoculars around Grady’s neck.
BLONDE RECRUIT
There’s the enemy.
GINGER RECRUIT
You sure?
BLONDE RECRUIT
They’re wearing red.
GINGER RECRUIT
Why would an army uniform be red?
BLONDE RECRUIT
Camouflage.
GINGER RECRUIT
From what?
BLONDE RECRUIT
Their sand you idiot.
The blonde recruit checks the binoculars again.
41.
BLONDE RECRUIT
They’re headed this way.
GINGER RECRUIT
What should we do?
GRADY
Fight. Face ’em like men.
Grady snatches the grenade from the blonde boy. Pulls the pin. Tosses it toward the oncoming soldiers.
As the grenade sails through the air, a large Canadian bird swoops down and catches the grenade in its beak.
The cadets watch waiting for the bird to explode.
The bird changes direction. Heads back toward the cadets. The unexploded grenade still clenched in its beak.
The large bird flies directly over the cadets.
Opens it beak.
Drops the grenade in front of them.
The cadets are too scared to move.
Except Grady. In one motion, Grady scoops the grenade. Turns two hundred and seventy degrees and hurls the grenade out of harm’s way.
BLONDE RECRUIT
Are we dead?
GINGER RECRUIT
I feel dead.
GRADY
I threw it away.
BLONDE RECRUIT
Where?
GRADY
Over there.
42.
The cadets turn to find a small school with a classroom adorned with kids’ paintings and a Canadian flag.
GINGER RECRUIT
You threw it into a school?
RUTH (V.O.)
Yes he threw the grenade into a school.
BLONDE RECRUIT
There’s that echo again.
Grady stares dumbfounded at the school that has no business being in the middle of the Canadian prairies.
BLONDE RECRUIT
Was that school always there?
GINGER RECRUIT
Why didn’t we just hide in there?
BLONDE RECRUIT
Did it explode yet?
Just then, the door to the school building opens. Several SCHOOLCHILDREN and a TEACHER march out one by one.
TEACHER
Single file children. When we hurry, we make mistakes.
The children form a single file line. The TEACHER exits the building. Locks the door. Leads the children out of sight.
GINGER RECRUIT
There were kids in there!
The blonde recruit grabs Grady by the scruff of his uniform.
43.
BLONDE RECRUIT
Why did you throw a grenade into a school?
ABSURD REQUEST: Why didn’t you throw it at the bird?
COMPARISON: Cause I couldn’t throw it into a government building.
EXAGGERATION: Cause I only had the one.
INSULT: Cause you were too chickenshit to do anything.
METAPHOR: That’s how us Americans deal with problems.
MISINTERPRETATION: It’s cheaper than reupholstering.
PARODY: (mimicking in a high voice) Why did you throw a grenade into a school?
RENAME: Sorry blondie. What would you have done?
REVERSAL: I didn’t know the school was there. I thought it was over there. BEST
UNDERSTATEMENT: Oops.
Then there’s an explosion in the classroom. The teacher watches in horror as the school is reduced to rubble. The students cheer behind her.
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Eclipse Neilson Day 6
1) What I’ve learned this is a very useful tool and I addded a last line because of it.
LOGLINE
RADNA(80’s) a sophisticated free spirited hippie with a stern rebellious approach to life, has a flare for the supernatural and believes firmly everyone should want to be like her.
SVENSKY 65(protagonist)old school type of psychiatrist who has no sense of humor.
NOTE: This is Radna’s first visit with the director of the retirement home.
2)Scene
INT.PSYCHIATRIST OFFICE -DAY
SVENSKY 60’s dressed in white med coat has a snooty look as he reads notes. Looks up. Stares across the desk at Radna. She stares right back at him.
SVENSKY
So, it says here your niece felt it was time for you to join our family?
Radna says nothing. He recognizes a problem points to a scribbled note. Reads out loud.
SVENSKY (CONT’D)
Prone to eccentricities? And/or depression?
RADNA
Sounds like my mother. Have you got the right chart?
She chuckles at her own sarcasm. He looks up stares at her. Shakes his head in disapproval.
SVENSKY
I’m here to help. Sometimes meds can calm your anxiety…
RADNA
I’m not anxious…are you?
He shakes his head no.
RADNA (CONT’D)
My point exactly!
He sighs.
SVENSKY
Well Miss Radna for now it looks like you’ve got your wits about you. Try to socialize a bit more….hmm…I see you have made a friend. I will suggest adding another at your table. A get to know you experience.
Radna stands up. Looks down at him, turns with a bit of a waltz step and sings under her breath.
RADNA
Getting to know you…getting to despise you…
2)FIGURE OF SPEECH DEFINITIONS
RADNA’s response
ABSURD REQUEST: But of course, will it be you joining us for the “get to know you experience?”
COMPARISON: Ah, a mad Hatter’s tea party in the making!
EXAGGERATION: So this is how friends for life are made? But let me remind you Dr.Svensky, we are near the end of ours – life that is.
INSULT: Got any other brilliant ideas?
METAPHOR: A breaking bread type of experience?
MISINTERPRETATION: You want me to be the life of the party?
PARODY:(sings) Getting to know you…Getting to know you, getting to know all about you…
RENAME:(sings)Getting to know you…getting to despise you…
REVERSAL: You are absolutely right -shall I plan a party?
UNDERSTATEMENT: How did you become so smart?
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Ron Basci Punchlines
What I learned from this assignment is that by utilizing the comedy figures of speech before finalizing a punchline, the result will have a strong foundation. The first response may be discarded for another or ultimately kept, but there will be competition.
INGRID is an opinionated, obnoxious, resentful, divorced 40ish person with one sweet spot, just one.
SARA, 32, gentle demeanor, grounded, friendly, is happily married with a child in elementary school.
They meet at a dog run. Numerous dogs are playing.
Sara
Which one’s yours? It’s my first time here.
Ingrid
That gorgeous pitbull, Angel. Isn’t she adorable?
Sara
She’s very cute. Mine’s the mutt. I call him Sicily cause he’s got a little bit of everything in him.
Ingrid
What do you mean? Never mind.
Dogs romping together, Sicily approaches Angel.
Sara
Oh look, they’ve met. How friendly they are.
Ingrid
See that? She’s so clever. Look! Angel loves to tease her friends. She pretends she’s going to bite, gives a quick nip, and then jumps back to play.
Sara
That’s pretty weird.
Ingrid
What’s weird about it? She doesn’t really bite.
Angel pulls her act, Sicily doesn’t get it and snaps a quick warning at her. They continue playing.
Ingrid
Hey, watch your dog.
Sara
Don’t worry. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Ingrid
How are you so sure, he’s an animal.
Sara
Because I adopted him at six weeks and trained him the right way. Has Angel ever had a problem with “her act”?
Ingrid
No, only about twice over three years.
Sara
Does she perform her “trick” on people too?
Ingrid (delighted)
Yes! Everyone, she’s just so precious.
Angel again pulls her stunt, Sicily again snaps his warning, wagging his tail.
Ingrid
Hey, your animal is scaring Angel again, she doesn’t like that.
Sara
He doesn’t bite. Animals or people.
Ingrid
You just better be sure your dirty mutt doesn’t try anything you’ll be sorry for. Understand?
Sara
Well, I can see there’s more than one bitch in your family.
Absurd request: Bite me.
Comparison: You’re talking about Sicily, not Cujo.
Exaggeration: I understand your negativity level equals the population of Cleveland.
Metaphor: You’ll have nothing to worry about, Sicily only likes the bitches of his own kind.
Misinterpretation: I’ll be sure to give him a bath before we come here again.
Parody: Your wish is my command, Master.
Rename: Si, diablo.
Reversal: I’m trying to. But how do I teach Angel good manners?
Understatement: I do, and I’ll let Sicily know that he should tell his friends and their parents about Angel’s unique play habits.
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DAY 6 Larry’s punchlines.
What I learned is that there are many ways to view a situation and come up with a humourous reaction. Using a visual helped with the comic responses.
I also learned that punchlines can inserted anywhere in almost any situation. The setup is key.
A visual will help you with the humour. Okay, don’t know about you but it helped me and my quirky sense of humour. (You will have to use your own imagination as I couldn’t paste a pic in this post. Think 3-foot sausage, cooked.) Yes, bull penis IS a real dish served in Tibet.
INT. – TENT OF TIBETAN NOMADIC FAMILY – DAY
JENNIFER, a haughty American porn actress, has found herself in a remote area of Tibet after her plane has crash-landed. The pilot also survived, but is in a coma. She is sitting down to dinner with the Tibetan family that found her.
DUGA
Jennifer, you must be truly blessed by the gods. In honour of them and your survival we serve our best dish, a bull penis.
Jampa brings forth a cooked bull penis on a platter, garnished with root vegetables. Jennifer takes one look at the platter:
JENNIFER
Absurd Request
You wouldn’t have a bottle of ketchup to go with that, would you?
Comparison
Wow, that’s almost as big as my boyfriend’s.
Exaggeration
I’ll bet that bull could have impregnated 10 cows at once with that fat boy.
Insult
I think the bull could be putting that thing to better use.
Metaphor
You sure you aren’t serving a boa constrictor?
Misinterpretation
You said that bull came from Venus? If that came from a bull I’d sure like to meet the men on that planet!
Parody
Sex and the City has NOTHING over this!
Rename
Cool penis
Reversal
Is there any chance you could feed this to the gods instead?
Understatement
You don’t have anything larger? I want to make sure everyone gets a bite to eat.
I like the Misinterpretation line best. It is an indicator the actress may not be bright and is a setup line for further misinterpretations and malapropisms. It is indicates a certain mindset – sex on the brain. This also sets up nicely for humour along these lines.
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Margaret’s punchline
What I learned: The last scene I wrote had no punchline! I ended it with, “Irene nods a polite “no” and backs her wheelchair up.” That scene fell flat because there was no punchline.
In this scene, Irene, new to the nursing home, taken on a “shopping” trip by her new friend, who she thinks is cognitively intact.
To answer the question, “Do you want to buy something?”
ABSURD REQUEST: “Yes, a one-way ticket out of here.”
COMPARISON: “Can I use pretend money to buy some pretend sanity for my friend?”
EXAGGERATION: “Sure, I’ll take your job.”
INSULT: “From a used stuffy salesman? A used-car salesman would be a step up for you!”
METAPHOR: “You’re a salesman like I’m a patient here.”
MISINTERPRETATION: “So you take real money?”
PARODY: “From you? Greedy guts?”
RENAME: “Buy or Play?”
REVERSAL: “No, but let me sell you something. Maybe a little decency?”
UNDERSTATEMENT: “How about the world or just that paperclip there?”
The scene with my choice for the ending:
INT. PEACEFUL VALLEY – SOCIAL SERVICE’S OFFICE – DAY
Bethany sits behind a small desk. Bobby enters her office with a bag full of small stuffed animals.
BETHANY
Nice. I needed more.
BOBBY
Here you go. You better hurry. She’s coming down the hall with a friend.
Bethany quickly opens the bag and lines up the stuffed animals on the edge of her desk.
Bobby leaves the office just as Patsy wheels herself in, followed by Irene who has a big purse on her lap.
BETHANY
Good afternoon, ladies.
Patsy wheels over to inspect the used stuffed animals on the edge of the desk.
PATSY
Your merchandise is a little ratty.
Bethany puts her hand over his heart as if she has been wounded.
BETHANY
Patsy, come on. I’m just a poor woman.
PATSY
Well, you won’t get rich with me.
BETHANY
Who is your friend?
Bethany waves at Irene.
BETHANY
Hello! I’m Bethany. Social Services Director and used stuffy salesman.
IRENE
Hello. I’m Irene Thorpe. Very nice to meet you.
BETHANY
Likewise. Want to hear our special?
PATSY
What is it today? Two for three?
BETHANY
Better than that. Ten for ten. But you have to buy ten. Otherwise, they’re a dollar each.
PATSY
I’ll take ten.
Patsy reaches down into her pocket, pulls out non-existent money and hands it to Bethany.
Bethany takes the invisible money and places it in her desk drawer.
PATSY
Heh. Greedy guts. Where’s my change?
Bethany gives a sheepish shrug and opens her desk drawer back up. She hands Patsy some invisible money.
Patsy takes the ‘money’ and scoops up ten of the stuffed animals onto her lap. She eyes her stapler.
PATSY
How much for that?
Bethany picks up the stapler.
BETHANY
Five hundred.
Patsy gasps.
PATSY
We are done here. You’re a highway robber!
She turns her wheelchair around and wheels out of the office in a huff.
There are two stuffed animals left on the desk.
BETHANY
(to Irene)
You want to buy something?
IRENE
How about a one-way ticket out of here?
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What I learned from this lesson is that my character logline was more about the story than who my character is.
Original Logline: Former socialite lost her fortune and now hides in a camper in the woods behind her former home.
New character logline: Jane is a hardworking, selfish business woman who doesn’t believe in charity but now has to accept some.
EXT. WOODS – DAY
Jane steps out of a 33 foot long gulfstream that is barely visible through tree cover. She’s decked out in Louis Vuitton, hair styled and make up as she hikes through the trees to her BMW parked halfway down a gravel path.
She gets in, checks herself in the mirror and drives out to the main road.
EXT. RESTAURANT PATIO – DAY
Jane’s friend, Sally, waves her over to the table.
JANE
Sorry, I’m late. Traffic. It’s always bad.
SALLY
No worries. I ordered your usual.
JANE
My usual?
STEVEN (the waiter)
A top shelf dirty martini and the cucumber caviar? Miss Jane. (looking at mud tracked from the entrance to Jane’s feet). You’ve been a very dirty girl today.
JANE
Oh, Steven, I’m so sorry. And Sally ordered this before I got here. She didn’t know I can’t drink today. Would you mind? I’ll include it in the tip, but just take it off my bill, please.
STEVEN
I’ll leave it and bring a water. No charge. We’ve all been there. (winks)
He returns with an ice water and points a bus boy with a mop to Jane’s mud trail.
SALLY
Is everything okay? No alcohol? Are you well?
JANE
I’m fine. Just cutting back. You know, high blood pressure.
Jane takes a long sip of the martini. Thank God for vodka.
SALLY
So, Jane, do you have anything you want to tell me?
JANE
About?
SALLY
Is it going to be safe with your blood pressure?
JANE
Oh, this one drink—-
SALLY
No, I mean the…you know.
JANE
What are you talking about, Sally?
SALLY
The Harley-Davidson delivered to your house last week!
Jane chokes on her caviar.
JANE
Well, uh, I, uh…
SALLY
Brand new, snake venom paint, green powder coated wheels and an ostrich seat?!
JANE
Well, when you say it like that….
SALLY
When did you start riding? You know, when I was in my twenties, I had a bike. A Yamaha Virago. I traded my car for it. Living in Chicago, I couldn’t go without a car in the winter but I had that bike one whole summer. I never knew what lust was until I saw my first motorcycle.
Jane chokes down the rest of the martini. Steven appears with a second martini, a pat on her shoulder and a wink.
JANE
I had no idea you liked motorcycles.
SALLY
I’m envious of you, Jane. You’ve got a mansion, you sit on some of the most prestigious boards in DC and now you’ve got a fucking Harley-Davidson.
Jane coughs again.
SALLY (Con’t)
You are one bad bitch, Jane. When can I see this machine? Can I stop by tomorrow?
JANE
Hang on, hang on. How did you, uh, find out that I, uh, have this Harley-Davidson snake thingy?
SALLY
Zach’s friend Mike is the manager at the dealership. He told Zach they delivered it to your house. He did say it was in a different name though. Anything you want to tell me about that before I find out? Because I will find out.
JANE
Wait until I fill you in on the Gulfstream, girl.
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What I learned: There’s a lot of ways to interject a punch line.
INT. MONACO – RUN-DOWN APARTMENT BUILDING – DAY
A rich playboy with plenty of sparkle and glitz, STEFAN ASTOR, age 32, has been tossed out of his high-class condo due to one wild party. He is being shown this suite by the lovely JULIETTE, age 28, a chic and successful realtor.
JULIETTE
What do you think of this place monsieur?
STEFAN
I believe this is just a tad bit below my standards. This place reminds me of a fraternity house after a rush party in the year 1880.
JULIETTE
Oui, it is in a state of complete disrepair. Although, this could be a real fixer-upper. You could flip it and possibly make a fortune.
STEFAN
I get the vibe I would spend a fortune trying to fix it and then lose a fortune when I tried to sell it. No way, this is definitely not happening. Look, I’m just looking to buy a suite not an entire 17 century Louis XV broken-down pile of rubble building.
JULIETTE
Ah Oui, I just thought I would give it a shot. This may have been quite fantastic and you might have drowned in Euros on this project.
STEFAN
Oh yeah, I would have drowned all right… all the way to the bottom of the Mediterranean.
Juliette opens her laptop and shows Stefan tons of pictures of various suites that are currently available in the Principality.
STEFAN
Well, now we are getting somewhere. These don’t look like French Revolution con jobs.
(EXAGGERATION)
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by William Jennings.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by William Jennings.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by
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Sherri D. Coffee – Writing Funny Lines
What I learned doing this assignment is to explore different incongruent possibilities to compose an effective punchline.
INT. FBI OFFICE – AM
Alex conducts intense search on her computer. Jake knocks and she waves him in without losing her gaze on the computer.
JAKE
Alex.
ALEX
Yes. Jake.
JAKE
Can I have your attention?
Alex sighs in disdain. She reluctantly looks at him and leans back in her chair.
ALEX
OK.
JAKE
I need to ask you a favor.
ALEX
OK.
JAKE
The team met to discuss the terrorist case this morning.
ALEX
Get to the point.
JAKE
We need you.
ALEX
To?
JAKE
We need you to infiltrate a Florida lobby firm.
ALEX
Come again.
JAKE
We need you to infiltrate a Florida lobby firm.
ALEX
But I’m an attorney. I research. No interactions with suspects, remember?
JAKE
So, look at this as an opportunity. You can research in real time as you witness the events in real time. And this would give you the promotion you want.
Alex leans back and looks doubtful.
ALEX
Tell me more.
JAKE
We need you to infiltrate a lobby firm in Tallahassee, Florida. We can set you up undercover. Provide some training before.
Punchlines:
Absurd request: I assume you want me to find a husband before I move?
Comparison: Should I study RBG or Erin Brockovich?
Exaggeration: You want me to be a lobbyist? Don’t they have to talk to politicians?
Insult: How am I going to get hired by a lobby firm? Do I get a trust fund and a personal chef too?
Metaphor: Think actor, think role, think oscar.
Misinterpretation: I don’t have the skills Jake. Politicians? What in the world will I say? Jake responds, “very little”.
Parody: Lobbyists are like rodents; they hide when the lights go on. You can hide while you gather the information. Make some friends!
Rename: Amazing Alex or AA for short.
Reversal: Alex explores the world of a lobbyist and shops online for clothes. When they arrive, she looks silly and very inappropriate.
Understatement: Alex hires a stylist to help her with an appropriate wardrobe. So, this is how I’m supposed to look. Normal?
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