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Lesson 23
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2 Replies
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Bill Southwell Writes QW Cycle #5 Scene
What I learned is that one can combine Characteristic relationships, Reveals, and Max Interest techniques to improve the story.
LOGLINE: Brandy and Phillip are a young dating couple but Brandy is slipping into addiction. Phillip wants to help her.
ESSENCE: Tough love is sometimes the most tender and lasting
SCENE:
Dating couple Brandy and Phillip are leaving a party. Brandy is woozy from something taken at the party. Phillip is driving.
Brandy
Let me drive. I feel realllly fine.
Phillip
You know you can’t drive. Why don’t you get off that stuff?
Brandy
‘Cause it makes me feel loose. Don’t you want to feel loose?
Phillip
You have such talent and potential and you are throwing it all away.
Brandy
Oh—you don’t love me anymore.
Phillip
I do love you. But I cannot see you ever being happy this way.
A car behind them turns on flashing red and blue lights.
Phillip (cont)
I better pull over. I don’t know what to do. This car smells like a meth lab.
Brandy
It’s ok. I will tell them you have not been drinking.
The patrol car behind then turns on its sirens. Phillip pulls over and rolls down his window. The officer walks over to the driver’s side.
Phillip
What seems to be the problem officer?
Officer
May I see your Driver’s license and Registration?
Phillip hands them to him.
Officer (cont)
I pulled you over because you have a read tail light out. But I sense a strong drug smell. I am going to ask you to step out of the car.
Brandy
No. He hasn’t been drinking or doing nothin’
Brandy argues with the officer and he easily perceives that she is high.
Officer
Both of you. Step out of the car. (they comply) Place you hands on the top of the car.
Officer (to Phillip)
Show me how well you can walk in a straight line.
Phillip does so. The officer is pleased.
Officer (to Brandy)
Are you intoxicated?
Brandy
No.
She cannot even stand straight
Officer
Is that your purse on the seat?
Brandy
You can’t look at that. There is nothing in it.
The officer takes the purse and finds drugs.
Officer
I am arresting you for possession of illegal drugs. And I am taking you to the station.
Officer
(to Phillip) You may go or you may follow me there. It’s up to you.
Logline: Night. At the police station Brandy is being booked on possession. Brandy starts to cry.
Brandy
(to Phillip) I feel terrible. I know I got myself into this. But I can’t post bail or even pay to defend myself. What can I do? I will have to spend time in jail.
Phillip
Make the most of it. First get sober. Then plead with them that you will get into rehab. I will support you all the way. I care about you.
Brandy
You are so good to me. I will do it! You will see!
A lady officer takes her away to a cell.
After Brandy is away, Phillip goes up to the arresting officer and says,
Phillip
Officer, in my pocket here is the taillight bulb. I will put it back now.
Phillip walks to the door.
Phillip (cont)
And thank you. You have played an important role in her recovery.
Phillip walks out.
END of SCENE
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Shelley Darling Writes QW Cycle #5 Scene
LOGLINE: Brandy, a novice journalist is filming a water protest as the Water Corporation officials forcibly keep the public from entering the closed meeting.
ESSENCE: You can’t always trust how things appear.
SCENE: EXT. KENNEBUNK ME, WATER PROTEST – DAY
In the middle of a maddening crowd during a heated street protest, Phillip, a stocky, gregarious mixed-race middle age guy dressed in jeans and a worn tee shirt with a water symbol, is standing in a huddle of Water corporation executives.
PETE
(Handing Phillip his hat)
Go on, cowboy, get out there and do your job.
PHILLIP
No need for insults.
I’m checking to see if you’ve called the authorities.
Brandy, a high-spirited novice journalist, trips over the broken curb while interviewing an indigenous family, backing into Phillip who’s scanning the crowd besides a huddle of men in suits.
PHILLIP
(angrily in reaction)
HEY THERE!
Phillip changes his tune when seeing she’s a cute blonde and leads her away from the huddle of men.
PHILLIP CONT
Hmm- maybe you should film my best side.
BRANDYOh, Geez- I’m sorry.
(smiling, gives exaggerated bow with a flourish of her hand)
Seriously? (spinning around, scanning Philip from the ground up) Do you even have a bad side?
PHILLIP
Sweet Daisy, believe me, this isn’t a good place for you to be right now.
BRANDY
(flipping her badge)
What – I have every right to be here.
See, I’m legal, a professional journalist filming today’s protest…
PHILLIP
Believe me, I know, but that’s ancient history.
I feel bad about it, but there’s nothing anyone can do about it now-
BRANDY
(intrigued and flirtatious)
Seems to me you should know whose land we are still standing on. There’s a lot they can do.
Maybe this cute veteran journalist and a cowboy could meet later to discuss this?
PHILLIP
Thanks for the invitation but I’ve got things to take care of.
Chaos ensues as police with batons and tear gas arrived on the scene, grabbing Brandy’s camera and questioning Phillip. Brandy, coquettishly shows her badge.
POLICE OFFICER
(hassling Brandy)
We’ll take that little lady.
No filming here today.
BRANDY
Hey, give that back to me!
I am legal!
PHILLIP
Officer, I’m sure she’s ok. She’s with me.
POLICE MAN #2
Sorry, we have our orders.
PHILLIP
(looking around for help from the group of men- all backs are turned)
Orders?
This is my sister; she’s already shown you her badge.
POLICE #1
Look- out of the way; you can bail your “SISTER” out later.
BRANDY
(swiping herself off)
Thanks, I appreciate the help.
Sister now-eh?
POLICE #1
Look- get out of the way.
You can bail her out at the station if you dare.
PHILLIP
(surrendering, smugly winking to Brandy)
Little lady, better pay attention to where you’re walking in the future.
As you can see, we are anomalies to each other, and a relationship would never work out.
POLICE #1 handcuffs Brandy as POLICE #2 grabs Phillip.
PHILLIP
What the, hey?
You’re not supposed to handcuff me!
BRANDY
What’s going on here, Mr. Withholding?
Whose side are you on, anyway?
You’re right a relationship with you would never work out!
Brandy struggles to break free. Will Brady, at 6’6″, towers over the other executive standing in the nearby huddle, eyes the commotion acts quickly.
WILL BRADY
(quickly shoulders Pete)
Hold on here. Pete. Just one more time-go save our boy and be quick about it. (Pete doesn’t move) Right now, you are riding on thin ice as it is…Philip needs help.
PETE
(mumbling)
Sure boss-
Pete disdainfully leaves the group.
POLICE #1
Now what. I thought we had it straight the first time.
PETE
(in a low voice to the Officer)
Yes. You’re correct, officer –
No need to check your orders; you are to take them all. (Pointing to Phillip)
Including this poser.
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