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Lesson 2
Reply to post your assignment.
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11 Replies
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Shelley Darling Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is… that it is imperative to look for the essence first to write with a deeper intimate understanding of the story and the characters.
Script I choose: Burning Truth
Scene 1 Location: INT. BOSTON, PARENT’S CONDO – NIGHT
Logline: After an uncomfortable dinner with Dad, Mollie confronts Dad with an unspoken incident from years ago, which he dismisses.
Essence I’ve discovered: Fearing her father sexually abused her, Mollie courageously confronts him, receiving an unexpected answer which sets her reeling.
New Logline: Mollie courageously confronts her dad about being sexually abused and receives a dismissive answer that sets her reeling.
Scene 2 Location: INT. FIVE CORNERS, ME, EGG-CEPTIONAL RESTAURANT – DAY
Logline: At breakfast with Dick amid a chaotic scene with a police chase, Mollie dubiously agrees to meet with Moses later.
Essence I’ve discovered: Yielding to an old relationship pattern, Mollie’s distracted from her investigation by a strong attraction to Moses.
New Logline: Furthering her investigations at breakfast with Dick, Mollie, distracted by a strong attraction to Moses, agrees to meet him later.
Scene 3 Location: EXT. POLAND, DOCKSIDE RESTAURANT – DAY
Logline: Sitting down with Moses on a first date, Mollie flirts while withholding what she already knows about him.
Essence I’ve discovered: Challenged by the anomaly of their completely different beliefs, Moses and Mollie are caught between their defensive withholding and flirting with new possibilities.
New Logline: On their first date, Moses and Mollie are caught between their defensive withholding and flirting with new love possibilities.
Scene 4 Location: INT. POLAND, ME, RICKER MEMORIAL LIBRARY – DAY
Logline: Going deeper into the truth of her investigation with Dick, Mollie questions her dad’s loyalty as the accountant at the time of the fire.
Essence I’ve discovered: Breaking through the tides of her unworthiness, Mollie questions her dad’s integrity and the force beneath his domination and self-righteousness.
New Logline: In further investigations of the night of the fire with Dick, Mollie questions her dad’s integrity as the accountant.
Scene 5 Location: EXT. PARIS, DRIVING/HEBRON ACADEMY – DAY
Logline: Tensions build as Moses takes Mollie to his old alma mater.
Essence I’ve discovered: Moving past their tit-for-tat bantering, Mollie and Moses allow a deeper trust to take hold.
New Logline: Moving past their tit-for-tat bantering, Mollie softens in a moment of vulnerability as Moses reveals a painful falling out with his best friend.
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Jennifer Puts Essence to Work
What I’ve learned from this is : I chose scenes as I began a new read through of my script and know that this could be done with many more of them, these being just a few. Without a doubt, I’ve seen these scenes shift dramatically when the “essence” is more carefully examined and re-defined. It literally puts a flame under each scene and expression and actions of the characters into a whole new elevated level. Now there is a sense of heightened importance in al that they say no so making it richer and from what I can see now, far more engaging. I believe that this is the way to truly life the script to a much much higher level and also the best aspect is engage the reader from the first scene on. I see so clearly now how the “essence” is the engine that supports and connects the entire script to the “concept”. From this new understanding, I see it like a train (concept) that is on a track (plot structure) and all the cars (scenes) are in line and heading in the same direction – all connected and building from one to the next making it to the destination (a fully engaging script/story). This “essence” work is to me, a guarantee of elevating all my writing from now on. Amazing!
Script I choose: DRESS CODED
Scene 1 Location: Beginning segment in Act I
Logline: Zoe meets dad at the front door before going to school confident she’ll pass inspection.
Essence I’ve discovered: Fooling her dad is “serious business” and is the difference between slavery and freedom.
New Logline: Zoe acts casual while talking to her dad before leaving for school yet all the while nervous of his disapproval over what she is wearing as today is a big day in her social life.
Scene 2 Location: Middle of Act I
Logline: Zoe sits next to her BFF on the school bus.
Essence I’ve discovered: Zoe revels in her freedom and comes out of her shell as soon as she is out of the house an away from her dad.
New Logline: Zoe rides to school texting her secret boyfriend and excitedly shares her plans with her BFF, Rachel.
Scene 3 Location: End of Act I
Logline: Zoe secretly has her boyfriend Shane over to her house while her dad is at work.
Essence I’ve discovered: Zoe longs to be a normal teen and have a sexual identity.
New Logline: With Shane finally in her bedroom alone, Zoe’s love date is sabotaged when her dad texts her that he is coming home from work early and has to conceal Shane in a hurry.
Scene 4 Location Scene 10, Act II
Loglin: Zoe has lunch with Shane in the school cafeteria and is surprised when Shane invites her to prom.
Essence I’ve discovered: Zoe naively believes that she can have a secret separate life with Shane without her dad ever knowing.
New Logline: Zoe confronts her worst fears when Shane surprise Zoe by inviting her to the prom.
Scene 5 Location: Early in Act III
Logline: Zoe dashes out of Shane’s car to get inside the house before her dad arrives home.
Essence I’ve discovered: Zoe runs for safety in her home but now doesn’t feel safe with her dad.
New Logline: Zoe rushes out of Shane’s car eager to get inside before her dad returns home, but so overwhelmed with fear and almost passes out.
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Bill Southwell Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is: Each scene must in essence relate to the movie’s objectives.
Script I choose is: Charis
Scene 1 (Opening scene) INT Bobby’s bedroom Night
Logline: Bobby, age 2, after his mother leaves his bedroom crawls out of bed and runs into his older sisters’ room
Essence: Bobby wants to have his sister CHARIS, age 10, tell him a story.
New Essence: Bobby prefers the attention of Charis who is a special personality.
Scene 2: INT. CHARIS’ BEDROOM – NIGHT
Logline: While Bobby snuggles next to Charis, she animates reading from an old book by opening a folded pillow
Essence: Charis makes up a story to tell Bobby.
New Essence: Charis demonstrates her creative abilities with her jesters, voice, and storytelling.
Scene 3: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Logline: CHARIS, age 15 is sitting up in a hospital bed. Her mother AFTON enters carrying some library books from a reading list for home schooling. Charis sees they are teen novels, dismisses them, and asks for a history of Egypt.
Essence: Charis will be out of school while recuperating.
New Essence: Charis desires more challenging tasks to make the most of her time.
Scene 4: INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – DAY
Logline: Afton talks to the doctor and learns Charis’ prognosis: Rheumatoid arthritis.
Essence: Charis has a tragic chronic disease with no cure.
New Essence: Afton learns of Charis’ condition and is determined to seek medical understanding.
Scene 5: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – EVENING.
Logline: Later that evening CHARIS is alone writing in her diary.
ESSENCE: The essence of this scene is the revelation that CHARIS is processing her diagnosis. This sets the stage for her feelings going forward.
New Logline: Later that evening Charis writes in her diary that although depressed vows to make the most of her life.
New Essence: In a diary entry Charis expresses that this day is a turning point for her life.
Scene 6: INT. HOME. FAMILY ROOM – DAY
Logline: CHARIS, age 16, is sitting on the couch doing schoolwork. Her younger sister PATTY, age 10, is practicing ballet while Swan Lake is playing on the phonograph. CHARIS then writes in her diary.
ESSENCE: This scene establishes that CHARIS feels lonely.
New Logline: While PATTY practices ballet, CHARIS writes her feelings of loneliness in her diary.
New ESSENCE: While PATTY practices ballet, CHARIS feels a wave of sorrow and a longing for social contact—a letter from DALE.
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Andrew Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is… that even small changes, based on the essence, can double the quality. As George Miller said, when a script is 80% good, you have to the same amount of work to get it to 90% good… identifying and then writing from the essence of the scene and character is part of that hard work that needs to happen to make a script better, even though the changes may seem small.
Script I choose: Kondanani
Scene 1 Location: HOSPITAL OUTPATIENTS
Logline: Annie and Lewis have the abandoned baby seen to at the hospital
Essence I’ve discovered: Annie needs this baby
New Logline: Annie must persuade her family and Lewis to accept the baby.Scene 2 Location: LEWIS’ PROPERTY
Logline: Lewis is chased off his property by the occupiers
Essence I’ve discovered: Lewis discovers using his property for an orphanage will be much harder than anticipated.
New Logline: Lewis tries to get into his house, tries to persuade the occupiers, but is forced away and eventually chased off the property.Scene 3 Location: TEMPORARY ORPHANAGE
Logline: Government official gives the ultimatum on the conditions for the orphanage, or they shut it down.
Essence I’ve discovered: If Annie gives up on these babies it will be a personal failure for her as a mother, and Lewis realises he has to do something drastic.
New Logline: Government official gives the ultimatum; Annie is consumed by fear; desperate to find a solution; Lewis offers a solution, but it will cost him.Scene 4 Location: TIWONGE’S HOUSE
Logline: Annie and Lewis find Tiwonge unconscious; they drop the charges and decide to care for her.
Essence I’ve discovered: This is a true test of Annie’s ability to be a mother.
New Logline: Annie and Lewis find Tiwonge unconscious; Annie struggles with how to forgive the woman who tried to kill her, and be a mother to her instead.Scene 5 Location: BABIES ROOM
Logline: Lewis tries to persuade Annie to leave the house until the unrest has calmed down, but Annie maintains the need to stand up to false beliefs and accusations.
Essence I’ve discovered: Annie recognises that this is the moment to make a stand against false beliefs and accusations.
New Logline: Lewis tries to persuade Annie to leave the house until the unrest has calmed, but Annie realises that this is a critical moment in changing the way people think about her and decides to stay put, in spite of the danger. -
Laurie Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that searching for the essence is a creative way to work that goes far beyond editing.
Script I choose: When Lightning Strikes
Scene 1 Location: Hannah’s Loft Art Studio – Night
Logline: Hannah and Demetri argue about whether to cancel the upcoming art show.
Essence I’ve discovered: It’s really about their failing relationship. They want different things and they have never had the intimacy to discuss these differences so it’s coming to a head with the art show.
New Logline: The upcoming art show strains Hannah’s and Demetri’s failing relationship to the breaking point.Scene 2 Location: Hannah’s Loft – Day (after her accidental blinding)
Logline: Hannah and Demetri try to deal with what happened in the park and its aftermath.
Essence I’ve discovered: Since Hannah and Demetri don’t have the kind of relationship that can deal with tragedy it signals their doom.
New Logline: After Hannah’s accident which left her blind and unable to paint, it becomes apparent that Hannah’s and Demetri’s relationship will not withstand her losing her eye sight.Scene 3 Location: Hades – Night
Logline: Erin demands Prince let her out of her role of ferrying suicide victims to hell
Essence I’ve discovered: Erin desperately needs hope for a better future
New Logline: Erin seeks a better future but won’t get it from PrinceScene 4 Location: Hannah’s Loft Studio – Night
Logline: Erin tries to convince Hannah that suicide won’t free her from pain
Essence I’ve discovered: Human connection is what gives life meaning and joy.
New Logline: Erin begins to build a relationship with Hannah that will give them both hope.Scene 5 Location: Hannah’s Loft – Day
Logline: Erin coaxes Hannah into creating a painting
Essence I’ve discovered: Surrendering to a new way of thinking opens your heart and mind so that our limitations don’t keep us from happiness
New Logline: Erin helps Hannah take the first steps to live with her disability<hr size=”1″ width=”100%” align=”center”>
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Mark Furney puts essence to work
What I learned is: Some of these scenes have a bit too much going on. The audience will be unsure of the key emotional development felt or realized by the POV character in the scene. Too much chance for confused feelings in an audience member about the character they should be focused upon in the scene.
Script I chose: Corpus Delicti
<div>Scene 1 location: Opening scene, Luke’s office</div><div>
Logline: Luke
gets a make-or-break phone call.Essence I’ve discovered: While the scene works
in raising an intriguing question (the audience will know it’ll be answered
later) and shows how the protagonist has worked his ass off to get to this key moment,
the scene should do a better job to – early on – show that Luke’s hard work is
motivated because of a deeply seeded pain. His pain isn’t coming through
enough, and its a missed opportunity to raise that key story element at an early stage.New Logline: Perhaps the pain from this rock I’m
carrying around in my gut will go away soon.Scene 2 Location: The trickster’s office. Start of Act II.
Logline: She
will go to the island, no matter what.Essence I’ve discovered: while the scene works
in showing her resolve, its essence must show that resolve is motivated by a
feeling of fault in failing to prevent the tragedy which befell her father.
It’s that feeling of guilt, a feeling of failure, which gnaws inside her. I
need to step up and get that in front of the audience at this key point in
their getting to know the female lead.New Logline: The trickster gently tells Maria,
“it wasn’t YOUR fault.”Scene 3 location:
A.
On the flight back to Miami, in act III.Logline: We’re going to beat the bad guys ….
Essence I’ve discovered: While the scene works
in showing the growing affection and trust between the protagonist and the
female lead (as they head for the showdown), there needs to be the element that
they need each other to help each one of them forgive their own selves for their felt
failures in the tragedy that befell their fathers.New Logline: We’re going to beat the bad guys
…. but we’re going to need each other to learn to forgive ourselves.Scene 4 location: At the office before going to court.
Logline: The boss asks, “will you play nice (with
the judge) in the sandbox?”Essence I’ve discovered: This scene must be used
to reveal more about the essence of the protagonist – that he’s tough, and when
pushed, not likely to be obsequious in his response, even if that might be the better play. That there’s an edge about him, and that he knows it.New Logline: I’ll try to play nice, but if the
other guy gets dirty in the sandbox, there’s no guarantees.Scene 5 location: At the supper scene between protagonist &
the trickster (mentor) character.Logline: Does
our protagonist have the guts to do the right thing?Essence I’ve discovered: While the scene works
on several levels, it misses an opportunity on the crucial point of the
still unresolved competition between the protagonist and the trickster. Both
the protagonist and the trickster broke a lot of rules to get to this very
moment in time. That needs to be played up and our protagonist needs to
confront it, examine it – the rules he broke.New Logline: “We’re not so different, you
and I.”</div>
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Hilton puts Essence to work
What I learned: Looking at a scene through the filter of essence brings the scene into sharper focus
Script I choose: Bloody Sedition
Scene 1 Location: Act I, In the gym
Logline: Ben fights Sanders, meets Anna Lee
Essence I’ve discovered: Ben hides his pain by beating people in the ring
New Logline: Ben acts out of his inner pain and is challenged by Leroy about his holding on to a lost love.Scene 2 Location: Act 2, On the trail
Logline: Ben and Anna Lee hike and bicker and get to know one another
Essence I’ve discovered: Ben needs to establish domination and control
New Logline: Anna Lee stands up to Ben
Scene 3 Location Act 2, At the trailside campsite
Logline: Ben thinks he’s in control
Essence I’ve discovered: Anna Lee learns Ben’s mother died when he was nine
New Logline: Ben hides his inner pain but Anna Lee sees through his defenses
Scene 4: Location: Act 2, At the river crossing
Logline: Ben and Anna Lee cross the river. Lucas the dog falls in
Essence I’ve discovered: Ben loses Lucas, the last remaining object of his love
New Logline: Shaky peace is destroyed by tragedy
Scene 5: Location: Act 3, Locked Up
Logline: Ben and Anna Lee face their confinement
Essence I’ve discovered: Out of necessity Ben starts to see Anna Lee more as a partner
New Logline: Facing imminent execution Ben and Anna Lee plot their escape
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Madeleine Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that some scene had some essence but it is always good to go over it again and really look for the essence. Sometimes even the essence can be improved in a second go at it.
Script I choose: Menopausal Dad
Scene 1 Location: Opening scene
Logline: Alex lectures growth economics as usual. Mirai provokes Alex with a critical question.
Essence I’ve discovered: Alex realizes that he has changed.
New Logline: When Alex lectures as usual and gets interrupted by Mirai with a critical question, he reacts harshly. He overhears that a student mentions that he has changed.
Scene 2 Location: Garden center
Logline: Finding a birthday present for Alex.
Essence I’ve discovered: Finding a present that does not remind Alex of his birthday.
New Logline: Corrie and Eve try to find a present that helps Alex.
Scene 3 Location: Dean’s office
Logline: Luke holds an apero to celebrate Alex’s birthday
Essence I’ve discovered: Alex is fed up with teaching and wants.
New Logline: At the apero for his birthday, Alex turns down the offer to join the students’ committee only to receive a new professional opportunity as dean.
Scene 4 Location: Alex and Corrie’s car (parallel montage)
Logline: Alex and Corrie rehearse what they will say each other.
Essence I’ve discovered: Alex’s and Corrie’s vision for next year are in complete opposition.
New Logline: Alex and Corrie rehearse their opposing visions for next year.
Scene 5 Location: Birthday dinner at home
Logline: Major family argument about how to live in the future.
Essence I’ve discovered: The parents arguing leave the child in agony about her future.
New Logline: During the parents argument about their future the daughter realizes that the future of the family is at risk.
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James L Puts Essence to Work
What I learned: There has to be more, deeper levels to every character and every scene for a story to be interesting.
Script I choose: The Changing Station
Scene 1 Location: Opening Scene/Marriott Hotel Ballroom
Logline: A wife snaps at her crossdressing husband for dancing with a man at a transgender ball.
Essence I’ve discovered: The scene is about conflict, but it also shows that TJ/Tina is devoted to his/her wife and her needs.
New Logline: Transgender Tina struggles for composure when her wife criticizes her gender expressions.Scene 2 Location: Marriott Hotel Ballroom
Logline: Melanie infuriates Vince (her date) by dirty-dancing with Lana.
Essence I’ve discovered: Melanie is an uninhibited free-spirit who dresses any way she wants, dances with whomever she wants and, by implication, sleeps with whomever she wants.
New Logline: Androgynous Melanie defies Vince and social conventions by wearing a tuxedo to a wedding reception and dirty dancing with another woman.Scene 3 Location: Marriott Hotel – Ladies Room
Logline: Two party girls harass Melanie and TJ/Tina for their transgender presentations.
Essence I’ve discovered: How Melanie and TJ/Tina respond to the girls’ bigotry is character defining and predicts how they will act when they switch bodies. TJ/Tina tells the girls to appreciate their good fortune, while Melanie tells them to eat shit and die.
New Logline: TJ and Melanie respond differently to trans-bashing women when they meet in a Ladies Room.Scene 4 Location: City Walking Trail/Health Club Weight Room (intercut phone conversation)
Logline: Melanie2 (the former TJ) discovers that TJ2 is cheating on Brenda.
Essence I’ve discovered: This is where Melanie2 begins to understand how deep her love—and concern—are for Brenda.
New Logline: Melanie2’s gender euphoria is shaken when TJ2 boasts about his extra-marital sexual exploits.Scene 5 Location: Peter’s Apartment
Logline: Melanie2 unloads all her heartbreaks to her neighbor, Peter, including
unintentional references to her previous male identity.
Essence I’ve discovered: Being female is more than having a woman’s body. This
scene is an important step in Melanie2’s inner transition to womanhood—she needs
to share her emotional burdens with someone else, including her origin story.
That she can’t share her origin story with anyone, even Peter, is one of the
deep conflicts in this story.
New Logline: Melanie2 pours her heart out to her neighbor. She wants to
unburden herself of her most crippling secret—that she was TJ until a few
months ago—but that’s not a story she can share with anyone but TJ. -
Lynn Heggen Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is…Always put essence first. Look for the essence of each scene.
Script I choose: A Birdie Christmas
Scene 1 Location: EXT. OUTSIDE LADIES’ RESTROOM OF PUBLIC GOLF COURSE – CONTINUOUS
Logline: We meet Byrdie’s father and see that they are not wealthy.
Essence I’ve discovered: Also show the relationship and quirkiness between the two bonded father/daughter duo
New Logline: A warm scene between father and daughter which highlights their love of golf and each other
Scene 2 Location: EXT. PUBLIC DRIVING RANGE – CONTINUOUS
Logline: Bond between father and daughter as student and teacher.
Essence I’ve discovered: Byrdie’s father instill’s in her at a young age that she is a winner and will be great some day.
New Logline: Encouraged by her father, Byrdie soaks up his encouragement and his promise that she will be great some day.
Scene 3 Location: EXT. JACKRABBIT GOLF CLUB DRIVING RANGE – CONTINUOUS
Logline: Ben, John and Tom are boys who bet and wise Mark counsels them.
Essence I discovered: Wise and patient golf pro teaches the young boys who place bets that someday these bets will catch up with them and they will regret the outcome.
New Logline: Golf pro teaches young boys that actions have consequences and to be respectful.
Scene 4 Location: INT. BYRDIE’S AND NORA’S APARTMENT LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN – SUNDAY AFTERNOON
Logline: Byrdie makes an intention concerning an upcoming golf tournament.
Essence I discovered: Byrdie is setting an intention to come up with the money for the tournament because if she wins, she could finance her dream of playing on the pro circuit.
New Logline: Realizing that her chances of financing her run for playing professional golf are waning, Byrdie turns to prayer and her father to come up with the money that is needed.
Scene 5 Location: EXT. FRONT OF DESERT BOTANICAL GARDEN – THAT NIGHT
Logline: Ben is taken aback by Byrdie’s appearance and calls her Champ.
Essence I discovered: This scene is pivotal because Ben is seeing Byrdie as an attractive woman but Byrdie sees him as a chance to win a tournament and follow her dream.
New Logline: Byrdie tells Ben that she knows she can trust him, even though Ben realizes that the girl he is now attracted to doesn’t know his offer to play with her in the pro-am is based on a bet.
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Patty Wilson Puts Essence to Work
Script: SHE SPEAKS FOR THE DEAD
Scene 1 Location: Opening Scene
Logline: As she talks to a murdered victim’s spirit, a police detective discovers the girl’s body based on what the spirit tells her.
Essence discovered: While the detective relies on the murdered girl’s spirit to find her body, she realizes the girl is not as helpful as the detective needs.
New logline: The victim’s spirit expresses her frustration at not being able to communicate to the detective what happened to her to help her find her body.
Scene 2 Location: Downtown section, Alley
Logline: The detective, Maddy, meets her partner and the medical examiner to process the scene.
Essence discovered: Maddy’s partner doesn’t believe Maddy’s story as to how she discovered the body.
New Logline: Maddy’s partner, Irene, accuses Maddy of not sharing information so that Maddy can get all the credit.
Scene 3 Location: Irene’s House
Logline: Maddy and Irene discuss the case and Irene disagrees with Maddy’s leads and accuses her of tampering with the evidence. A malevolent spirit speaks to Maddy and influences her view of the case.
Essence discovered: Maddy realizes she can’t count on her partner.
New Logline: Maddy is devastated and thinks her partner is against her. Irene is protecting the integrity of the investigation. Maddy’s self-doubts leads to her reliance on the malevolent spirit’s guidance.
Scene 4 Location: Ryan House
Logline: Maddy talks to a foster family for more information about a missing foster boy, Aamon, who she thinks is dead because his spirit talks to her.
Essence discovered: Mrs. Ryan fostered Aamon but sent him back because he was disruptive.
New Logline: Mrs. Ryan feels guilty for sending Aamon back. She is defensive and blames him for several accidents to her other foster kids.
Scene 5 Location: Aamon’s House
Logline: After finding his wife dead, the police arrest Phil, the husband and foster parent of missing Aamon.
Essence discovered: The police arrest a drink Phil without incident.
New Logline: Phil is in shock about his wife’s death but acts as if he is guilty of the murder.
What I learned: I need to go deeper into each character’s pov and motivation to ensure the scene plays the way it is in my head.
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