-
Lesson 8
Reply to post your assignment.
-
4 Replies
-
DAY 8 – Pump Up Your Beat Sheet
Lisa Long’s Elevated Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is to continuously make improvements to the structure of the script.
Scene 39’s purpose is that Mars has taken Molly to NYC for the NYC Ballet in-person audition. Edgar did not give permission for Molly to dance let alone go to NYC. This is the first time Edgar and Mars meet…and the first time Edgar sees Molly dance as a professional.
BEFORE BEAT
39. INT. NYC BALLET THEATER – EVENING
Ed enters the theater lobby with two police officers in tow. They try to run past the ropes but are stopped by an usher looking for tickets. Ed gets into the theater and sees Molly on stage for the first time. He is stunned! He cries. He calls off the police.
AFTER BEAT
INT. NYC BALLET REHEARSAL ROOM HALLWAY – DAY
Edgar arrives with two cops in tow. He points out Mars and orders the police to arrest him for kidnapping his daughter. Mars provides proof that he had permission from April to drive Molly to NYC. Police leave. Edgar sees Molly dancing. Edgar is stunned. He looks at Mars in disbelief. Mars tells Edgar just how good she is.
The purpose of scene 51 is to establish that April and Molly are torn between staying in a stable environment and dancing in front of an audience. Two artists discussing missing sharing their art.
BEFORE BEAT
51. INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD RESTAURANT – KITCHEN – MORNING
April and Molly are working in the kitchen. They discuss how they miss traveling and especially performing in front of an audience.
AFTER BEAT
INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – SIDE YARD – MORNING
April and Molly are moving the live crabs from a temporary container to their own containers. Molly has gotten over her fear of them. They discuss how being here is better than not knowing where they were going to stay. But they also discuss dancing on stage and how much they both miss it.
The purpose of scene 53 is to wrap up the story and get Molly her dream. It shows the completion of Edgar’s arc too. He has come around to supporting Molly’s dancing. And all three characters have reconciled with each other.
BEFORE BEAT
53.(E9) EXT. PATIO ED’S SEAFOOD RESTAURANT – DAY
It’s a month later. The restaurant is closed today. Edgar, Molly, Chessie, and April are all out on the patio. April had her brace removed. Edgar and April present Molly with a new pair of toe shoes. She is so surprised and thrilled. Then they tell her that they contacted Mars in NY and he pulled some strings to get her into the NYC Ballet school. Molly puts on her toe shoes and dances on the beach.
AFTER BEAT
EXT. PATIO ED’S SEAFOOD RESTAURANT – DAY
A month later. The restaurant is closed for the winter. It’s unseasonably warm. Edgar, April, Molly, and Chessie are all out on the patio. Christmas decorations. April has had her brace removed. Edgar and April present Molly with a new pair of toe shoes for Christmas. Thrilled, Molly puts the shoes on. They hand Molly a letter. It reads that she got into the NYC Ballet program. Edgar tells her that Mars helped him get her into the program. Molly is surprised that Edgar did this for her. Edgar calls her his Chesapeake Girl. Chessie barks. Molly dances around the patio and then onto the beach. Chessie follows her jumping up and down.
Chesapeake Girl – Beat Sheet
1. EXT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY
April, a gypsy dancer drops off her 12-year-old daughter Molly to stay with Edgar, a bearded long-haired guy. Edgar owns Big Ed’s Seafood Hut on the Chesapeake Bay and lives over the restaurant. Molly has a meltdown. Chessie, Edgar’s dog comforts her. Edgar picks Molly up and takes her inside.
2. INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY CONTINUOUS
2.Molly looks around the restaurant. She hates seafood! Ed introduces Molly to his cook, Jane, who looks over her glasses at Molly. Jane is seventy years old, wise, and protective of Ed for whom she’s worked for decades.
3. INT. BEDROOM OVER RESTAURANT – DAY CONTINUOUS
Jane takes Molly upstairs to see her bedroom.
Chessie tags along. Molly doesn’t want to be there and is still wiping away
tears. Jane explains to Molly that Ed as an ex-military man likes to run a
tight ship. And if Molly has any “female” issues to talk to her. Molly asks
questions as she strokes Chessie. Jane
answers a couple, but then has to go. Even though she’s sad, she’s never had a
room of her own.4. INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN – DAY
Molly comes downstairs and goes
into the kitchen where Jane is working on the dinner courses. Ed interrupts the kitchen talk and tells
Molly that he has a few rules 1. Keep her phone on so he can reach her at all
times. 2. Work in the dining room cleaning tables every day after school. 3. No
dancing. Molly protests! She must
dance! Molly storms up to her room. Jane
suggests that he’s being unreasonable to ask a child not to dance…for she knows
that it is only because the love of his life, April was a dancer who broke his
heart. Ed is in charge. Molly must be subordinate.5. INT. ED’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Ed rolls up his sleeve as Jane gives him some medicine to take. Ed downs the pills. Jane preps his arm and administers the shot. She puts a Band aid on it. Jane asks how Ed is feeling. Ed changes the topic by asking if he’s been too hard on Molly. Jane says to talk to her. Tell her that you can’t bear to be around dancers since April left. Ed is not ready to talk about it. Jane points out that it’s been 12 years. Ed says he’ll tell her soon why he’s anti-dance and about his condition. Jane says it needs to be sooner than later.
6. INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING CONTINUOUS
Molly is standing in the restaurant disgusted watching the patrons eat crabs. Ed yells at her to wipe down a table. Molly is mad that she’s been forced into child labor. Molly and Ed argue because she doesn’t want to work. Subtext: Molly and Ed are both mad at April.
7. INT./EXT. RESTAURANT – EVENING CONTINUOUS
Molly reluctantly collects the stinky brown paper full of crab carcasses and takes it outside to the trash dumpster. Bud, the bus boy follows her outside and makes fun of her when she gets crab fluid all over herself. He calls her “Ed’s stinky love child”. Molly tries to physically fight with the bus boy. He laughs at her holding her back at arm’s length. Ed breaks it up. Molly wants to know what Bud meant. Ed goes back inside without answering her.
8. EXT. BEACH – DAY
Molly is with Chessie dancing on the beach when Marshall (Mars for short, a Black man of 32 years old) under an umbrella corrects her jete (a ballet leap). Molly recognizes Mars’ name as a renown choreographer! As Molly dances around Mars’ umbrella, she opens up about being abandoned by her mom. Mars tells Molly about his mother passing away and he came back to the Bay to be alone and grieve. They bond over mom’s and being sad. Instant friends as they discuss Molly’s dream to dance at the NYC Ballet.
9. EXT. MIDDLE SCHOOL TRACK – DAY
Molly’s first week of school. Molly and a group of students are about to run around the track. Susan the gym teacher blows a whistle to start the race.
Molly runs like the wind…and when the spirit moves her, she adds a jete (jump). The kids laugh at her antics and one bully mimics her to make the other kids laugh more. The teacher tells her to cool it if she wants to make friends. Tammy, a nerdy girl tells her to ignore the kids, but when Tammy talks about TikTok dancing, Molly becomes snobby, and Tammy runs off.
10. INT. ED’S HOUSE – LATE EVENING CONTINUOUS
Molly sneaks out of her bedroom, toe shoes in hand, and runs down the back stairs. Chessie is at the bottom of the stairs and whines.
11. INT. MARS’ HOUSE – LATE EVENING CONTINUOUS
Molly goes to Mars’ house to try and convince him to work with her on audition material. He resists as he’s taking a sabbatical from dance. Molly discovers that he has a dance studio on the side porch of the house. Molly insists on dancing for him. Problem arises when Mars realizes she good…really good!
12. EXT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY
Molly is sweeping the outside patio of Big Ed’s Hut when Mars comes to eat. Molly practically attacks him again to try to convince him to teach her. Molly gets in an argument with Mars’ waitress, Ginny when she thinks Molly is trying to steal her customer. Ginny asks Molly what she wants with that old man. Molly says he’s not an old man, he’s a choreographer.
MONTAGE
13. INT. ED’S HOUSE – NIGHT CONTINUOUS
Molly has broken Mars’ will and he’s agreed to work with her on her dancing. Molly climbs out her bedroom window and onto the patio roof, then jumps to the ground.
14. INT. MARS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
Molly knocks on Mars’ door. He opens and says, Let’s get started.
15. EXT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – EARLY MORNING CONTINUOUS
Molly climbs out her bedroom window onto the patio roof and jumps off onto the ground. She runs towards Mars’ house.
16. INT. MARS’ HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
Molly practices her dance. She realizes she has to get to school and hurriedly removes her toe shoes. She puts on tennis shoes, grabs her backpack, and runs out the door waving to Mars. Mars waves goodbye to her as she leaves.
17. EXT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – NIGHT
Molly sneaks in and up the stairs with her backpack and dance bag in tow. She’s being very quiet. Chessie quietly follows Molly into her bedroom.
18. INT. MARS’ HOUSE – LATE AFTERNOON
Molly dances but keeps messing up. Mars indicates to do it again. Molly tries again but messes up the dance. Frustrated she yells and stomps her feet. Mars points to do it again! Molly gains her composure and gets into position. She begins again.
END MONTAGE
19. INT. MARS’ HOUSE – LATE EVENING
19.Time has passed. Molly is dancing in Mars’ home studio. They are working on choreography. Mars tells Molly that he called a colleague in NY and got her a virtual audition. Molly is ecstatic but knows Ed will never let her go.
20. INT. MOLLY’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON CONTINUOUS
Molly’s mom April facetimes her. But April masks where she really is…in a hospital waiting room. Molly wants to know when April is coming to see her. April says she doesn’t know, but she promises it will be soon. Talking to Chessie, Molly calls her a liar after ending the facetime.
21. INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM, BOSTON – LATE AFTERNOON CONTINUOUS
April is called into Dr. Hilty’s office by the nurse.
22. INT. DR. HILTY’S OFFICE – LATE AFTERNOON
Dr. Hilty tells April that after reviewing the tests, she has scoliosis, or curvature of the spine. And that she will never dance again. April is stunned. Dr. Hilty explains that because she was a dancer, she probably overcompensated and held herself erect in such a way as to not make it noticeable. He tells her she will need surgery right away and to see the scheduler on the way out.
23. INT. PATIO ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – NIGHT CONTINUOUS
Molly and Ed argue about dancing. Molly says he doesn’t understand. Ed makes it clear, no dancing, no leaving. A storm is raging outside. Molly runs out into the storm. Edgar says he doesn’t know what to do. Jane says to go after her.
24. EXT. CHESAPEAKE BEACH – NIGHT CONTINUOUS
Chessie followed Molly out into the storm. Molly gets hit by a wave and is carried offshore. Chessie barks at her from the edge of the water.
25. EXT. CHESAPEAKE BEACH – NIGHT CONTINUOUS
Ed grabs a life preserver and runs after Molly. Molly is screaming for help. Ed swims out to Molly and pulls her to shore. He picks her up and carries her home.
26. INT. ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – NIGHT CONTINUOUS
Jane meets Molly and Ed at the door with towels. She grabs Molly and wraps a towel around her. Ed exhausted can’t even talk to Molly. He goes upstairs. Molly and Jane talk about their situation and Edgar.
27. INT. MOLLY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jane is helping Molly get ready for bed after her ordeal. Molly asks Jane why he doesn’t like dancing. At first, Jane resists telling Molly, but finally tells her that his love ran off to be a dancer.
28. INT. MARS’ HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
It’s time for the virtual audition. Mars has set up the room with a camera and speakers, etc. Molly lies to Mars and tells him that Edgar said it was okay because he felt bad after the storm incident. Molly did her own make-up and hair, and Mars helps her fix it. Molly wears a tutu that Mars has supplied. They record the audition. Molly is exquisite.
29. INT. MIDDLE SCHOOL CLASSROOM – DAY
Molly is seated in the back of the classroom. Her head is down looking at her phone under the desk. She’s waiting for Mars to text her about the audition result. Miss Lowe the French teacher catches her. Molly says she’s waiting for an important text. The kids make fun of her.
30. INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – AFTERNOON
Molly comes running in from school with her phone in her hand. Jane is in the room and tells her when dinner is. Molly runs up the stairs to her bedroom, slamming the door. Chessie runs behind her but doesn’t make it in time. He scratches at the door and breathes underneath it.
31. INT. MOLLY’S BEDROOM – AFTERNOON
Molly is looking at her phone. She’s ecstatic! She lets Chessie into the room. She dances around him, and he barks. Molly runs to her window to see if she can see Mars down the beach at his house. Molly climbs out onto the porch roof and shimmies down the drainpipe into the sand. She runs down the beach towards Mars’ house. Chessie looks out the window at her.
32. INT. MARS’ HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Molly and Mars are so happy about the audition. Molly worries about Edgar and the fact that her mom isn’t there. Mars confesses that the house isn’t his mom’s and she’s been dead for years. It is in fact his house and it was his boyfriend who passed away. He was afraid she’d judge him. Molly says she’s been around dancers all her life and she understands. And that his mom would be proud of him.
33. INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – AFTERNOON
Molly quietly enters shutting the door behind her. She turns around to see Ed sitting there. Molly explains that she got an audition in NYC and she’s going. Edgar says no and he’s found out she’s been sneaking out. Molly screams that he is ruining her life and runs upstairs to her bedroom. Jane tells Edgar she will go talk to Molly, but instead she goes into her bedroom and lies down.
34. INT. JANE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Molly, her eyes swollen from crying, goes into Jane’s bedroom. She shyly asks Jane for a needle and thread to sew a ribbon on her tattered toe shoe. Jane takes it and starts to sew it for her. Jane shares her history with Molly’s mom April showing her an old photo. Molly says Edgar treats Chessie better than her. She talks about leaving and upsets Jane who cries. Jane says they need each other.
35. INT. MOLLY’S BEDROOM – EARLY MORNING CONTINUOUS
Molly pulls her small, packed suitcase from under her bed. She ties her toe shoes to the handle. She climbs out onto the patio roof below and throws her suitcase to the ground. Molly hangs over the edge and drops to the ground. She picks up her suitcase and runs toward Mars’ house.
36. INT. KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING CONTINUOUS
Jane is at the kitchen window drinking a cup of coffee over the sink. She sees Molly.
37. EXT MARS’ HOUSE – EARLY MORNING CONTINUOUS
Molly runs up to Mars’ car in his driveway. Mars is putting his suitcase in the car. He grabs Molly’s and puts it in the trunk too. Mars wants to talk to Edgar before they leave, Molly makes an excuse and they drive off.
38. INT. KITCHEN – MORNING
Later, Ed enters the kitchen, grabs a mug and pours himself a cup of coffee. Jane is sitting at the kitchen table. Jane tries to prepare Edgar for what she’s going to say. She tells Edgar that Molly and Mars have left for NYC. She shows Edgar a schedule she found in Molly’s room. Edgar takes off after them.
39. INT. NYC BALLET REHEARSAL ROOM HALLWAY – DAY
Edgar arrives with two cops in tow. He points out Mars and orders the police to arrest him for kidnapping his daughter. Mars provides proof that he had permission from April to drive Molly to NYC. Police leave. Edgar sees Molly dancing. Edgar is stunned. He looks at Mars in disbelief. Mars tells Edgar just how good she is.
40. INT. THEATER LOBBY – NIGHT
After the show, Ed is in a corner of the busy lobby wiping his eyes with a handkerchief. April, Molly’s mom is there and approaches Edgar. They hug and he is surprised by her body brace from her back surgery. They discuss Molly and April asks if she can come live with them now that she cannot dance. Edgar in a moment of weakness says he’ll think about it.
41. INT ED’S BEDROOM – NIGHT CONTINUOUS
Edgar asks Jane to cut off his hair. Jane cuts off his ponytail and shaves his beard. A rare moment of tenderness between the two.
42. EXT. PATIO BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY
Molly and Mars drive up to Big Ed’s just back from NYC. Mars says he wants to tell Edgar what a sensation Molly was, but Molly reveals that he didn’t say she could go. Mars is furious as an ambulance approached and stops in front of the restaurant. Molly goes inside.
43. INT. PATIO BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY
The EMTs come down the stairs and go outside. Molly climbs the stairs and sees Edgar on the landing with tears streaming down his face. He points Molly into Jane’s room where she sees Jane has died. In grief, Edgar reveals that he is Molly’s father.
44. EXT. CHURCH GRAVEYARD – DAY
Edgar and Molly are standing near the grave holding hands. April approaches from behind. Molly is still angry at April for abandoning her. April reveals her surgery and this only makes Molly angrier for keeping her in the dark. Molly runs off. April asks again if she can come stay with them. Edgar says he and Molly need to talk.
45. INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – DAY
Molly and Ed have a big talk about her running off to NYC. Ed apologizes for not seeing that she was an incredible dancer and deserved to follow her dream. Molly apologizes for giving him a hard time and promises to be agreeable from now on. They discuss whether they would be able to forgive April and let her come to stay with them over the restaurant now that Jane is gone.
46. INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – NIGHT
April shows up at the restaurant after closing time. April approaches to give Ed a hug. Ed puts up his hand to stop her. Molly sneaks down the stairs unseen and sits on them to listen. Edgar says there are conditions. She has to be sure that she won’t leave them again…that she really wants this. And she has to make amends to Molly. Molly and April talk. April promises to not leave her again.
47. EXT. MARS’ DRIVEWAY – DAY
It is a month later. Mars, Molly, and Chessie are in Mars’ driveway. His car is packed to the brim. Edgar thanks Mars for taking care of Molly. Mars tells Molly she’s welcome to come to NY to see him and he gives her his information. Molly and Mars say their goodbyes expressing how they helped each other. Mars drives off.
48. INT. ED’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
April has taken over Jane’s job of administering Edgar’s meds. Afterward, they kiss.
49. INT/EXT. SHED BEHIND RESTAURANT – DAY
April and Ed fixed up and decorated an extra-large shed for Molly. A sign over the door reads, Studio by the Bay. Molly teaches ballet to 3 small girls. April brings them water. Tammy from Molly’s school arrives and asks Molly if she can teach her how to dance for the Sadie Hawkins dance because she wants to ask a boy. Molly says yes and is happy to have made a friend.
50. INT. STUDIO BY THE BAY – EVENING
Molly is dancing around the studio. Tammy arrives and watches her for a minute and is very impressed. Molly tries to teach Tammy how to dance to modern tunes.
51. INT. BIG ED’S SEAFOOD HUT – SIDE YARD – MORNING
April and Molly are moving the live crabs from a temporary container to their own containers. Molly has gotten over her fear of them. They discuss how being here is better than not knowing where they were going to stay. But they also discuss dancing on stage and how much they both miss it.
52. INT. ED’S SEAFOOD RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Edgar asks April if Molly dances as well as he thinks, and she says yes. Molly comes downstairs and leaves her phone on the table while she goes into the kitchen. Edgar gets Mars’ information from her phone and puts it in his phone.
53. EXT. PATIO ED’S SEAFOOD RESTAURANT – DAY
A month later. The restaurant is closed for the winter. It’s unseasonably warm. Edgar, April, Molly, and Chessie are all out on the patio. Christmas decorations. April has had her brace removed. Edgar and April present Molly with a new pair of toe shoes for Christmas. Thrilled, Molly puts the shoes on. They hand Molly a letter. It reads that she got into the NYC Ballet program. Edgar tells her that Mars helped him get her into the program. Molly is surprised that Edgar did this for her. Edgar calls her his Chesapeake Girl. Chessie barks. Molly dances around the patio and then onto the beach. Chessie follows her jumping up and down.
NOTE: The red text was not my doing. Sometimes when you paste, lines turn red.
-
David Wickenden Elevated Story Beats
What I learned?
When the entire story is laid out on a page or two, it is easier to move things around and change it from a bird’s-eye view.
1. EXT. THE FOREST – DAY
Four teens are sent to a juvenile bootcamp rather than jail. The operators are so aggressive that the four plans an escape. They plan to run to a town, whose lights can be seen on top of a mountain.
The initial scene was supposed to introduce the characters and their situation. What it doesn’t do is show is Adam’s weaknesses in his normal life. It also doesn’t show the friendship between him and the other boys.
Alternative Scene 1 BEAT
We’re introduced to Adam at his grandfather’s funeral. His parents refuse him to adopt his grandfather’s dog because he is not responsible. This begins the events that have him sent to a reform camp where he meets and befriends the other boys.
5. EXT. HEAVEN – DAY
The boys enter heaven and meet Jesus and Mohammad, and other gods. Adam meets his dead Grandfather who leads him and his friends away.
I will be deleting the characters of Jesus and Mohammad, as it might offend others. I will use the Voice of God as in the end scene.
Alternative Scene 16 BEAT
The boys enter heaven and are guided by Adam’s grandfather, who explains the prophecy.
12. EXT.ENEMY SUPPLY CAMP – MORNING
As leader, Adam must decide the fate of two people who have been infected by alien eggs. They are dispatched and he must learn to live with the decision.
This scene was to have Adam make a conscious decision on his own under the responsibility as leader. Although emotional, I think that if the couple resists his decision, it will add more tension to the scene. When they die as eternal eggs hatch, it vindicates Adam’s decision that he has made the right decision.
16. EXT. CENTER OF HEAVEN – DAY
With the staff, Adam flies to the center of heaven and presents leaders with the staff, only to find out that he is the one who must learn its power and yield it. He also finds that Ian has been reborn, having died as a mortal.
This scene reenforces the prophecy that it is Adam that must fulfil it. It originally brought Ian back to life after his death by the queen. However, by doing this, I lower the stakes if the characters are killed only to be reborn instantly. Therefore, Ian will remain dead.
Alternate Scene Beat
With the staff, Adam flies to the center of heaven and presents leaders with the staff, only to find out that he is the one who must learn its power and yield it. He is still suffering from the loss of his friend, Ian.
-
Bob Kerr Elevated Story Beats
What I learned from this lesson was that some scenes I thought needed to be deleted could be improved and add to the tension of the story.
Three scenes to improve:
Act 1 Beat 11
Purpose of the scene is to experiences Frans fear of struggling academically. The recommendation to join a study group triggers her fear of how she met her soon to be ex-husband.
Before:
Fran is struggling to keep up with her college course work. She is conflicted by the encouragement by faculty to join a study group. Poppa tells her she has to do what she has to do and just get over it.
After:
Fran is struggling with her academic course work. When her professors tell her to join a study group, she tells her Poppa it reminds her of how she met her husband in the first place.
Poppa ignores the fear and insists that Fran keep her head down and nose to the grindstone. Fran has serious doubts that is all it will take.
ACT 1 Beat 19
Purpose of this scene is to introduce the fragility of the women’s crew.
Before:
Women are dropping like flies and the women’s crew is in real jeopardy of collapsing. Gary, Colette’s love interest, tells her it is all about trust and to trust the process.
After:
Collette express her fear the women’s crew is destined to fail. Gary, her love interest, tells her it is all about trust and to trust the process. Collette shares the fate of the women’s crew is tied to the fate of the total crew and it will take more than trust to fill the women’s boat.
ACT 2 Beat 23
Purpose: to experience the frustration of the women that the men still don’t fully understand the realities of Title IX and the men’s future with the rowing program.
Before:
Vespoli meets with the crew and tells them they need more people to come out for the rowing program. After the meeting, Fran, Collette and Gary are walking together talking about what needs to happen. Fran tells Gary to encourage the frat guys to ask the sorority women they know to come out for crew. Gary explains that will be a hard ask given the physical demands of the sport. Fran shares that is how Vespoli recruited her.
After:
Vespoli tells the crew to recruit more people for the rowing program. Fran, Colette and Gary are talking afterwards. Fran points out that the men have to get more involved. Because of Title IX, if the women can’t field a crew than the men are not going to be able to compete.
Gary shares that most of the men don’t understand that reality. Fran state sthey better wake up and pitch in because there is no tomorrow without a women’s crew.
Overall Updated Beat Sheet
Beat 11: Fran is struggling academically. She is triggered by the suggestion she join a study group. Extracurricular activity is how she met her husband and she is still hurting from the divorce. Poppa rejects her fear and tells her she must do what needs to be done or else she will flunk out of school and then what?
Beat 12: Vespoli meets the first group of women going out for rowing. It is less than what is required.
Beat 13: Vespoli is recruiting at a sorority house. They don’t even understand the language he is talking. His plan to recruit more women is failing. A feeling he is not accustomed too in his rowing life.
Beat 14: Fran brings home a 93 on a college math test. Poppa tells her that is unacceptable.
Beat 15: Vespoli meets Fran in the Athletic Office . Running out of options, Vespoli recruits Fran hard. Fran says “no” explaining she is a two pack smoker. Vespoli says he can cure the smoking habit.
Beat 16: Gary West, a member of the crew, is posting a recruitment flyer on college dorm bulletin board. Colette Criger sees an opportunity to introduce her to Gary. Gary starts recruiting her. It’s clear she is more interested in him than rowing.
Beat 17:Vespoli meets with Tim Wiggins for an update on the crew. Vespoli tells him they are having troubles filling the women’s boat but he isn’t concerned , yet.
Beat 18: Another women quits. The women try to convince her to stay, saying they all are hurting physically. One women tells the group to let her go: ” We can’t have fear in the boat”
Beat 19:
Colette and Gary are sharing a meal. Colette tells Gary they lost another woman today and she is getting concerned. Gary tells her it is all about trust and to trust the process. Colette responds telling Gary that trust is not enough. It is going to take unified action or the whole program goes down the tubes. Gary is shocked to hear this.
Beat 20: Fran comes home complaining about Vespoli constantly pestering her for going out for rowing. Initially Poppa is concerned about this behavior. After some follow-up questions Fran shares that Vespoli is a World Champion. This fact changes Poppa’s opinion and he strongly encourages Fran to go out for rowing. Vespoli will teach her things her textbooks won’t.
Beat 21: Fran shows up for the first practice. She is filled with fear. The other women help her get comfortable and actually get in the boat.
Beat 22: Fran is physically suffering after rowing practice. Her parents want to know if she is going to stick with it. Poppa tells her that he believes you finish what you start.
Beat 23: Vespoli meets with the crew and newcomers. Tell them they nbeed more people to go out for crew. Afterwards, Gary, Colette and Fran are walking together. Fran hopes the men are just recruiting men. Gary tells them it will be a helluva pitch to recruit women because of the physical toll. Fran tells him that that is pretty much how Vespoli recruited her. The bottom line is, because of Title IX if the men don’t help out, and the women can’t fill a boat then the whole program goes down the tubes.
-
Doug’s Elevated Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is similar to the last exercise–looking at the beats in this story helped to quickly identify areas in need of improvement.
The three beats that follow have a great deal in common. They all come near the climax of the story, they’re all reconciliations scenes, and they’re all new additions to the story that have arisen from its conversion from play to screenplay format. The problem with each is the same–Jack doesn’t have to work very hard to earn the forgiveness of the others; so I’ve decided to put a few more obstacles in his way. To wit:
“BEFORE” BEAT 23
INT – HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Jack and Gertie wait outside Flora’s room. He apologizes to her for losing their savings. She tells him that he needs to stop trying to do it all on his own. He needs to let them in. He agrees, and they resolve to find the diamonds.
“AFTER” BEAT 23
INT – HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Jack waits outside Flora’s room. Gertie comes out and he apologizes to her for losing his temper–and their savings. She tells him to stop trying to do it all on his own. He needs to let them in. He claims he doesn’t know how to do that. She tells him it’s simple. He just has to ask for some help. He struggles with the concept, then finally breaks down and asks Gertie what SHE thinks they should do. She congratulates him on this baby step, then tells him they need to find the diamonds.
“BEFORE” BEAT 25
INT – BLANCHE’S ROOM – DAY
Jack shows up, dishevelled and reeking of garbage. He apologizes and promises to do better. They make up.
“AFTER” BEAT 25
Jack, dishevelled and covered in garbage, is trapped inside a dumpster. Blanche, who’s walking nearby, comes over to investigate. He apologies. She confronts him about knowing about Connor and not telling them about it. He tries to justify his actions, says he was trying to solve the problem on his own. She tells him the same thing Gertie did. He concedes that the Universe is sending him that message loud and clear, promises to do better, then asks for her help–can she get him out of this damn thing?
“BEFORE” BEAT 28
EXT – BEN’S DRIVEWAY – DAY
Jack & Blanche visit Ben & Lisa. Jack reconciles with them. Hugs all around.
“AFTER” BEAT 28
Blanche takes a subdued Jack to visit Ben & Lisa. He tells his kids he forgives them for making him move into Transitions. Ben pushes back. They have nothing to apologize for, they was doing what was best, etc., but Jack cuts him off. He asks for their forgiveness, apologizes for the way he’s treated them. They’re momentarily stunned by this conversion, but soon it’s hugs all around.
1. EXT – COURTROOM – DAY
A reporter stands in front of a camera as Robin Connor, famous financial advisor, is taken into the station in handcuffs, charged with running a Ponzi scheme and stealing millions from his clients.
2. INT – TRANSITIONS RETIREMENT HOME – JACK’S ROOM – NIGHT
Jack watches clips of his jewelry business commercials from the 1980’s on YouTube. he learns from the news the Connor has wiped out his life savings, as well as those of his friends. His narcoleptic friend Blanche comes in and coaxes him to come and see their friend Wilf off. Wilf’s moving out, as he can no longer afford to live there.
3. INT – DEPARTURE POINT – NIGHT
Jack, Blanche and their friends Gertie and Flora say goodbye to Wilf, leaving him in this dreary government facility.
4. INT – TRANSITIONS COMMON ROOM – NIGHT
The next morning, Jack walks into the common room and learns that the news about Connor is out. His friends realize that their life savings are gone.
5. EXT – HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Word has leaked out about where Connor has been taken. A riot breaks out. Connor, still catatonic, is spirited out of the hospital in a hearse.
6. INT – JACK’S ROOM – DAY
Jack wakes up to find himself face to face with a catatonic Connor, lying in the bed opposite him. He storms off to complain to management.
7. INT – COMMON ROOM – DAY
Jack wheels a disguised Connor in and reveals his identity to his friends. They resolve to put him out of his misery with a drug overdose. After he’s taken away by their nemesis, Nurse Harper, they have a change of heart.
8. INT – JACK’S ROOM – NIGHT
A wide-awake Connor is at Jack’s computer, trying passwords. There’s a knock on the door. Shortly thereafter, Nurse Harper enters to find Connor back in his wheelchair, staring vacantly.
9. INT – RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Jack and Blanche are having dinner. He tells her about how his kids forced him to sell his home and move to Transitions.
10. INT – COMMON ROOM – NIGHT
Connor’s on the phone to his lawyer, begging him to get him out of this place. These old farts are going to kill him! Jack and Blanche come in and Connor hides.
11. INT – COMMON ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Blanche falls asleep and Connor is revealed. Jack strikes a deal with him–he and his friends will help Connor escape if he’ll cough of half of his $10 million diamond stash.
12. INT – DINING ROOM – DAY
Jack, Connor and the others are having breakfast. Gertie’s on her laptop, arranging the shipment of the diamonds as Connor provides the necessary passwords.
13. INT – MWAMBA’S OFFICE – DAY
Ben and Lisa learn from Dr. Mwamba, Transitions’ administrator, that Connor has cleaned Jack out and he’ll be forced to move to Departure Point at the end of the month if he can’t pay his rent.
14. INT – COMMON ROOM – DAY
Jack, having learned that Connor’s lawyer Mortimer is planning to move Connor out of the facility, poses as Dr. Mwamba and tells Mortimer that Connor can’t be moved, as he’s suffering from a rare, deadly and highly contagious virus. Mortimer, a major germaphobe, is scared off.
15. INT – GYM – DAY
The diamonds have arrived. Jack, Connor & company check them out. They celebrate–they’re rich! Harper comes in and takes Connor back to Jack’s room for a nap.
16. INT – HALLWAY OUTSIDE JACK’S ROOM – DAY
A gloved hand opens Jack’s door. A second gloved hand points a gun into the darkened room. BANG!
17. INT – TRANSITIONS LOBBY – DAY
Lisa, very distraught after seeing what a hellhole Departure Point is, begs Blanche to convince Jack to talk to her. She promises to do so.
18. INT – COMMON ROOM – DAY
Nurse Harper wheels Connor, very much alive, into the room. The shooter missed! She leaves. Flora reveals the gun in her purse. She’s the one who tried to kill him.
19. INT – GYM – LATER
Gertie inadvertently sets off Connor’s bracelet, bringing Harper back in as Jack and Connor are examining the stones. Jack hides them in Connor’s pudding. Blanche renders Harper unconscious, then passes out herself. The cops arrive and shut off Connor’s bracelet. Then Harper wakes up and goes off with Connor’s dinner tray.
20. INT – COMMON ROOM – DAY
Jack, pushing Connor in his wheelchair, catches up to Harper and offers to feed him. She insists on doing it herself, and promptly feeds him the now very lumpy pudding.
21. INT – COMMON ROOM – DAY
The friends are stuffing Connor full of Choco-Lax. Harper comes in, checks Connor’s chart and sees that he hasn’t had a bowel movement since arriving. She shoots him full of fast-acting, heavy-duty laxative. Mortimer arrives to announce that the charges have been dropped. He removes Connor’s bracelet and leaves. Connor bolts for the door, but doubles over with severe cramps. Jack takes him into the bathroom. The stones are, uh, retrieved.
22. INT – COMMON ROOM – LATER
The group are just about to divvy up the diamonds when they discover that they’ve vanished. Jack’s kids walk in as he loses it, hurling abuse at all of them–Blanche included. She walks out. Flora is overcome by this display and drops to the floor, unconscious.
23. INT – HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Jack waits outside Flora’s room. Gertie comes out and he apologizes to her for losing his temper–and their savings. She tells him to stop trying to do it all on his own. He needs to let them in. He claims he doesn’t know how to do that. She tells him it’s simple. He just has to ask for some help. He struggles with the concept, then finally breaks down and asks Gertie what SHE thinks they should do. She congratulates him on this baby step, then tells him they need to find the diamonds.
24. MONTAGE – THE SEARCH FOR THE DIAMONDS
A) In the dining room, Jack paws through a resident’s pudding, looking for the diamonds.
B) Gertie and Flora go through their things in their room. Flora gets distracted by something shiny.
C) Blanche empties a huge bag of dirty laundry in the laundry room and goes through it.
D) Connor, in his undies, shakes out his pants in Jack’s room. The place has been ransacked.
E) Jack looks out the window and sees a couple of maintenance guys tossing garbage bags into a large container. He heads out in a hurry.
F) In the garbage area out back, Jack tries in vain to climb up into a dumpster. Mrs. Drake, the resident fitness freak, sees him, jogs over and hoists him inside.
25. INT – BLANCHE’S ROOM – DAY
Jack, dishevelled and covered in garbage, is trapped inside a dumpster. Blanche, who’s walking nearby, comes over to investigate. He apologies. She confronts him about knowing about Connor and not telling them about it. He tries to justify his actions, says he was trying to solve the problem on his own. She tells him the same thing Gertie did. He concedes that the Universe is sending him that message loud and clear, promises to do better, then asks for her help–can she get him out of this damn thing?
26. INT – COMMON ROOM – DAY
Gertie and Flora are chocking up sales on Flora’s jewelry website. Connor spots a “paste” diamond necklace for sale and realizes what’s happened to the stones. He leaps out of his wheelchair and takes off.
27. INT – JACK’S ROOM – DAY
Harper walks in on Connor, who’s busy buying Flora’s diamond necklace with Jack’s credit card. The delivery address is in Rio. Harper begs him to take her with him, and he agrees.
28. EXT – BEN’S DRIVEWAY – DAY
Blanche takes a subdued Jack to visit Ben & Lisa. He tells his kids he forgives them for making him move into Transitions. Ben pushes back. They have nothing to apologize for, they was doing what was best, etc., but Jack cuts him off. He asks for <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>their forgiveness, apologizes for the way he’s treated them. They’re momentarily stunned by this conversion, but soon it’s hugs all around.
29. INT – COMMON ROOM – DAY
Jack rushes in, tells the others that his room’s been ransacked and Connor has stolen his wallet and passport. They realize he’s ripped them off again.
30. INTO – RIO JEWELLER’S – DAY
A jeweller examines Connor’s necklace as he and Harper wait breathlessly.
31. INT – LOBBY – DAY
Jack and company wait for the bus to Departure Point. Just as it pulls in, Jack notices the new necklace Flora is working on. He examines it–he’s found the diamonds! They all celebrate.
32. INT – RIO JEWELLER’S – DAY
The jeweller shakes his head. Connor grabs him by the collar. The jeweller frees himself, picks up a small hammer and smashes one of the stones into powder. Harper faints as the jeweller picks up the phone.
33. INT – COMMON ROOM – NIGHT
The gang is hosting a “Welcome Home Wilf” party. Wilf asks Jack what he’s going to do with all his money. Jack assures that he’s got it all worked out.
34. EXT. – TRANSITIONS GROUNDS – DAY
Jack and the ladies are filming a commercial for Flora’s website, an echo of Jack’s cheesy TV ads from the 80’s.
FIN
Log in to reply.