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Lesson 8
Reply to post your assignment.
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5 Replies
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David Wickenden Empathy-Distress
What did I learn from doing this assignment?
I had a lot of empathy and distress in the pilot, but it was good to consciously identify it.
Teaser
The teaser is a setup for further in the season. After a court case that allows a child abuser to be acquitted, the victim commits suicide and her sister finds her and attempts, unsuccessfully to save her. Undeserved misfortune – for both girls & Major Loss
Act 1
We see a woman run through a tactical shooter’s training course with fantastic skill. Laura is that she is a doctor who specializes in PTSD, very caring.
A youth is abducted off the street. The young girl turns out to be Janice, an undercover police officer, and she beats the hell out of the perv. External Character Conflict
Act 2
Janice searches her own home with a gun. She hides her wound by being a work acholic. Brings their wounds present.
Janice finds a child, Ryan, who has 90 days left to live, posted on the dark web. Undeserved misfortune
Both Janice and Laura are friends.
Act 2 Turning point – Laura’s patient commits suicide. Major Loss
Act 3
Widow blames Laura for not helping her husband. External Character conflicts.
Laura breaks down, but then she opens a closet full of weapons. Forced Decision.
Laura plans on taking the law into her own hands.
Act 4
A man is being released from prison.
The death threat came with information of secret tapes of his victims. Exposed.
Because of the threat, they fly the prisoner to the nearest airport where he plans on escaping the country before police can charge him on new charges. Forced Decision.
The vigilante is waiting for him.
ACT 4 TP – he is assassinated.
Act 5
Laura is the vigilante
Laura plans on continuing her crusade
Janice is assigned to hunt the vigilante. External character conflicts.
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David Thompson’s Adding Empathy/Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is my original material did contain a lot of distress for the characters, so it was a matter of making sure I am highlighting it enough, making it stand out. Complications arise, goals move,
My current full outline
Furies Angels of Vengeance Pilot Outline
Teaser:
Two motorcycles race through the desert. A man on a red custom motorcycle, a woman on a matte black custom motorcycle.
The lead motorcycle misses a turn, and wrecks. (Distress)
The woman stops, and as she watches, the man tries to crawl away, frightened out of his mind. (Raising the terror for the guy)
His horror turns to panic as the woman displays a set of black wings, and approaches him.
She makes some remarks regarding his inability to try the speed run again, what with a broken leg, she says that is how his brother died. And that’s why she’s here. Eye for an eye. She then bends down and grasps the man’s head. In a flash, she snaps his head around, breaking his neck.
She stands, remarks that this wasn’t what actually killed his brother. It was snake-bite.
From nowhere, she produces a very angry rattlesnake, and drops it on the man.
Teaser ends with the snake striking the man, and his screams echo.
Act 1:
Essence: Introduces Dan, during a standoff in a grocery store. Introduce Megaera and Jones. Introduce Alecto if enough room left in Act 1(2-page scene)
Turning Point: Just who is that gorgeous woman that Dan saw?
A grocery store in chaos. Inside, a woman is crying, being attended to by EMS. In the back, a man is holding a huge knife to a child’s throat. DAN and his partner JONES are on scene.
The man is obviously scared out of his mind, and his POV now shows a gorgeous and very angry blonde threatening him.
FLASHBACK – That man is in his car eating when MEGAERA appears. She threatens him, saying it’s because he’d killed his own father to collect on insurance. She wants him to suicide, by cutting his own throat. She’s in total control, and a knife appears in the man’s hand. An auto alarm distracts her, the man bolts into the store.
Dan thinks this is the child’s mother. Jones is confused – he sees no woman. As Dan starts to confront the woman, he turns to look at his partner, and the woman vanishes.
An older woman is gardening, GAIA, as Megaera from the grocery store appears out of nowhere. She’s angry about the cop interfering with her target. She asks about her sister, ALECTO
Alecto on a mission to the seedy side of a city, a gang banger who’d killed his cousin. Alecto drags him into an alley, and then uses a katana to dispatch the guy.
Act 2:
Essence: Megaera furious over issue at store. Dan spots his niece on a sidewalk going to a party. We follow Brianna, then cut back and forth between her at the party and Dan at home. Highlighting Dan’s loner existence.
Open with Megaera speaking with her sister Alecto, about Dan. Looking for him. Alecto reminds Megaera they have a take-down pending, and need to get to that first. Layer revealed, these are the Furies
Dan is on his way home, spots his niece on her way to a party with friends. Dialogue to establish who Brianna is.
Dan goes home to what is a lonely existence, just him and his orange tomcat, Dude.
Brianna at the party, a handsome stranger is crashing the party.
Alecto and Megaera take down a human smuggler traveling across the US border (a desert area). (depends on timing, or just start this sequence and finish in act3).
Dan at home.
Brianna takes a drink from the stranger, then “feels funny”. The stranger then has to help her stand and walk through the party. Brianna’s friends watch as “she’s going to puke on the guy, again”
Dan is at home, watching news coverage of the grocery store. Talks to his cat about that mysterious woman. “Cats are supposed to see ghosts, right? Except they can’t exist.”
Brianna is staggering, held by that stranger, heading away from the party. She collapses on the lawn, vomiting. Her friends grab a cell phone photo, and make jokes about how she always vomits on her dates. Brianna tries to fight off being taken, but unable to do much except vomit.
Dan awakened by his cat screaming in the hallway. After checking the bathroom, Dan spots Brianna’s specter in the mirror, a horrific visual.
Major Loss: Brianna is dead.
Layer: Dan is special in that he sees spirits.
Act 3:
Essence: Finding Brianna – Dan has to comfort his sister’s family. Alecto and megaera on mission (human trafficker) Brianna meets Thanatos, disguised as “Junior”, a mortician
Conspiracy: Furies exist in our world. As well as other gods of mythology.
Layer: How do the Furies operate in our world? Reveal they are goddesses.
Turning Point: Brianna’s spirit locked in our world, but why?
Act 4:
Essence: Bune introduced, plot line for series revealed. Brianna meets the Furies and Gaia. Dan meets Gaia. Ground rules established
Investigative scene, Dan with other cops. Highlighting he can’t lead because it’s a family member. Notice of how the murder was similar to another murder a few weeks ago in a distant city.
INTRODUCE the Underworld.
Duke Bune, a demon/dragon, meets with a young woman, then a messenger arrives to tell the Duke the “Boss man” will be joining them shortly, his “topside” mission about completed.
Brianna meeting the Furies. Furies can’t help her unless she was killed by a family member. Gaia glances at the odd scars on her face. It’s as if she makes up her mind, but stays silent.
Gaia appears in Dan’s house. He freaks out and demands to know how she just appeared. She tries to tell him, but he brushes her off. As he turns to show her the door, she has vanished.
Layer: Dan is refusing to believe what he sees.
Reveal: Gaia is a goddess.
Layer: Megaera is a healer.
Reveal: Furies’ ground rules.
Act 5:
Killer in a hotel room. Only shadows. We can’t see him very well. But there’s a second shadow – more like smoke. A deep, threatening voice tells him he must kill another. Quickly.
Underworld: Bune is discussing strategy with the ghostly figure of what appears to be a Nazi General. Let’s make this Rommel.
Before Dan can do much else, Megaera appears out of thin air. Dan now is really upset at “all these people in his house”.
As Megaera’s anger flares up, she stops and just looks at Dan. Dan is ready to defend himself, as Megaera gets closer. Instead of killing him, she suddenly kisses him.
The murderer, still on the loose. He is draping a small hotel room with plastic, and laying out a knife. Like he’s preparing for another murder.
POV: Serial killer going to hit again. Follows a young woman to a bar, and he slips a small vial of drugs into a coat pocket, and follows her into the bar.
Layer: Serial Killer kept secret, we just see a shadow. What is controlling the killer?
Reveal: Plot to start civil war in Underworld.
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Moses Quainoo
MOD 3 – LESSON 8: BUILDING IN
EMPATHY/DISTRESS“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
ASSIGNMENT:
1. Look through your Outline and see if any of these as a bigger frame for your story, or if you already have it in the story, can you emphasize or expand it:
A. Crucible:
(a) Sunrise at the Coop
Flour Distribution offices inside the Center where job seekers are told to
hasten or rush to occupy spots on ten lengthy vehicles.(b) Connecting with
another job seeker for the sixth spot.(c) The Flour Mills at the
harbor/city run out of wheat and stops production.B. Betrayal:
(a) LOVEDAY plots to Test
HEW’S readiness to fight using surprise and did not inform him. She only
said HEW should pay her a visit at the weekend. She had also told
FERDINAND CHOPSTONES to kill HEW.(b) HEW is part of the team whose leader
ran away with all the money collected for the day leaving them distressed.C. Forced Decision:
(a) HEW
realizes he cannot go home empty handed so he must fight and keep the
sixth spot. (b)HEW and ISHEY need a job to go to at the center. The
government says the nation’s coffers are empty and it needs to find Foreign exchange
to import wheat in one year.D. Hurt those they love – (a) Leaving
his sick grandmother till sundown when he returns from the center.(b) On entry
into the BOXER contest, HEW is setting up problems for his extended family.E. Emotional Dilemma –
F. Exposed – The job seeker boots
another in his path to get an advantage. He connects with HEW on the vehicle
and is exposed by the others as unfair.G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences – HEW is handling his extended family now, but must find a
girlfriend to woo, marry and start a family someday.OUTLINE
THE DO WELLS – DRAFT 4
(H) stands for BRADER HEW
(I) stands for ISHEY GARFUNK
(L) stands for LOVEDAY SEBASTIAN
(AC) stands for AC
(F) stands for FRANK
Act 1:
BEGIN:
BRADER HEW, a flour loader, handles his extended family.
MIDDLE:
Before sunrise, he enters his family house and finds a final warning sticker asking the HEWS to pay property tax or face an auction.
MYSTERY:
Why is he worried about the tax?
DILEMMA:
His Aunt asks for his and his grandmother’s share of the tax. What of his four female cousins who are still in middle school? Who pays for them? And his sixteen-year-old male cousin, a student cadet at the Military’s Bad Boys Company?
OPEN LOOP:
How will he get the money to cover the family members?
HEW promises to pay when he returns from the Center.
END:
His mother barges into the yard to say grandmother’s malaria is worsening.
HURT THOSE THEY LOVE:
TURNING POINT:
The need for money is even greater.
(Strong Turning Point: HEW and the eldest Aunt are the only breadwinners in the family. His grandmother’s malaria threatens to stop him from going to look for work. He needs to charter a taxi to the hospital, and HEW has no cash. No family member has the cash to send their grandmother to the hospital or buy anti-malaria drugs at the chemist. HEW has no bank account or girlfriend to borrow money from.)
(ISHEY-OPENING): A school leaver who wants to pursue a career and start an adult and family life. He asks HEW for a job.
(ISHEY TURNING POINT):
Act 2:
BEGIN:
(MYSTERY): Two female riders hitch their horses behind the Center.
(OPEN-LOOP): Why are they at the Center?
HEW meets Ishey in the vast car park and enters the Center.
MIDDLE:
The riders enter through the back gates. They walk amidst a large gathering of men in the street forward. An A-signboard on Kerbing proclaims Loaders for Hire.
HEW and Ishey get to the Coop Flour Distribution offices, where the Manager hires men to offload flour in the open.
With a referee’s whistle dangling around the neck, the Manager asks for a workforce and no paper qualifications. He has few jobs for the many on ten lengthy vehicles sleeping two hundred yards distant.
CRUCIBLE: To meet the cut, job seekers must rush to occupy six spots on each vehicle.
The Manager has a referee’s whistle around his neck. Everybody looks to ascertain when the whistle will go for the race to start. The shrill comes from the supervisor’s whistle.
HEW joins the heated race and hops onto the vehicle.
CRUCIBLE: He connects with another job aspirant for the sixth spot.
DILEMMA:
Give up the position? Return home empty-handed and face his sick grandmother or clash with the person standing before him for the chance.
FORCED DECISION:
END:
He contends, and his opponent strikes first.
TURNING POINT: HEW fights to keep the spot.
MIDPOINT: The two riders capture the fight on cameras built into the crest of each riding hat.
(OPEN-LOOP): What are they going to do with the recording?
(ISHEY – TURNING POINT 1):
Present the Impossible Goal: Win the six-million-dollar BOXER contest.
HEW begins the journey to becoming a successful Master spy in Africa.
Act 3:
Essence:
Present the Impossible Goal: Win the six-million-dollar BOXER contest.
BEGIN:
Vehicle 8 reverses into the Flour Mill loading bay.
MIDDLE:
(HEW – OPEN LOOP): HEW, ISHEY, and the boarding team fill the trailer and travel around neighboring towns and cities, dealing out the flour load for compensation.
(AC – OPEN LOOP): AC announces THE DO-WELLS Annual Contests coming up in December. The BOXER tournament takes up the last three days. Members must enter and win this event before joining the organization as Master Spies. The prize is six million dollars.
At headquarters, agents are wagering on possible contest entrants and voting on choices for the Arena, which is technologically heightened each year as an added challenge to entrants.
AC approves one technical innovation to this year’syear’s Arena: The Essel Poles cauldron- a 144-pole formation hanging above a bar lattice mounted over a bottomless pit of burning fire.
That night, Vehicle 8 returns to the Center’s car park and drop off HEW, ISHEY, and two others.
(LOVEDAY – OPEN LOOP): LOVEDAY, waiting on a car bonnet not far from them, reaches up to recover her drone.
LOVEDAY follows HEW to the major streetlights. As he crosses the road to the junction leading to the family house she calls out to him. LOVEDAY introduces herself and says after seeing HEW’s BOXER abilities she wants to hire him. HEW is wary. She says HEW must join their club and win the six million dollar BOXER contest, which comes up in December before training as a Spy. HEW wants her to show something. She says unless HEW agrees she will snatch his daily meal.
(HEW – MIDPOINT): HEW asks LOVEDAY to show him something as he hardly knows her.
END:
LOVEDAY says she will knock over HEW’s source of livelihood.
(LOVEDAY – TURNING POINT):
(LOVEDAY – TURNING POINT 2 / HEW – TURNING )
(LOVEDAY – DELIMMA)
(HEW – DELIMMA)
TURNING POINT: LOVEDAY will snatch HEW’s daily meal.
Act 4:
Essence:
The next morning, western creditors pull the strings on the country. The Coop MANAGER rations the daily trips each vehicle can make to the loading bay.
TURNING POINT 1: A Production supervisor tells HEW the Mill is running short of wheat.
END: Two weeks, the Flour Mill runs out of wheat and stops production. The Government needs Foreign Exchange to import wheat in the next six months.
(HEW – MAJOR CONFLICT)
TURNING POINT 2:
HEW‘s team makes diminishing trips to the loading bay and takes home less money.
MYSTERY 2: Introduce MYSTERY 2 – How will HEW and Ishey reach the goal with Hu’s unaddressed hernia? Where will they get funding?
CRUCIBLE: The Flour Mill runs out of wheat and stops production. The Government needs Foreign Exchange to import wheat in the next six months. The Coop Flour Distribution Association closes offices.
Act 5:
Essence:
The Coop Flour Distribution Association closes offices. HEW and Ishey need a job to go to at the Center. HEW must cater to the family and look for work that hardly exists.
DILEMMA:
Hu must determine when and how the next wages will come from.
(HEW/ISHEY – ENDING):
The jobs dry away.
LOCK IN: The job dries away at the
center. HEW must cater to the family. The Do-Wells aim to hire him. What are HEW
and Ishey going to do?CRUCIBLE: The Flour Mill runs out of wheat and stops production. The Government needs Foreign Exchange to import wheat in the next six months. The Coop Flour Distribution Association closes offices. HEW and Ishey need a job to go to at the Center.
(MAIN OPEN LOOP): What is HEW going to discover about the BOXER contest?
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
Undeserved misfortune
External character conflicts
Plot intruding on life
Plans that failed
Witnessing the pain of others
Extreme consequences
Major loss
Brings their wound presentStep 2: Make those situations even worse.
Make it more painful
Raise the stakes
Create more loss
Put any goal, need, value, and wound at
significant risk
Time this to be at the worst moment
Make it more physically threatening3. Fill those into your current outline and rewrite it.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by Moses Quainoo.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by Moses Quainoo.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
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Wayne’s Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is how to expand, heighten and highlight empathy, plus I found some ideas unrelated that were very useful.
If any can be bigger frame for your story, or are in the story emphasize or expand it:
A. Crucible: Latter, Mike will be trapped between endangering Desae, the treacherous wilderness, and being killed by Amixmu.
• B. Betrayal: Amixmu will suspect that Desae has betrayed Romal by harboring the alien.
• C. Forced Decision: A fuel leak forces Mike to crash land.
• D. Hurt those they love: Desae choses to endanger her own son to help the injured alien.
• E. Emotional Dilemma: Desae risks everything to save the alien and to spite Amixmu.
• F. Exposed: Desae tells her son that she believes the alien was sent to her by Logard (God).
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences: Harboring the alien will be a constant threat.Build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into any scenes.
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• Undeserved misfortune: Act-2 Mike’s ship hit by a meteor causing him to be stranded.
• External character conflicts: Desae hates Amixmu for having killed her betrothed.
• Plot intruding on life: The meteor strikes changes Mike’s and Desae’s lives forever.
• Plans that failed: The plan to explore from orbit were changed to firsthand exploration.
• Witnessing the pain of others: Desae empathizes with the unconscious injured alien.
• Extreme consequences: Amixmu had killed Desae’s betrothed now wants to kill the alien.
• Major loss: Mike loses the ability to ever return to earth & family.
• Brings their wound present: Caring for the alien brings back memories of her deceased lover.
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
• Make it more painful: Never being able to see his family again angers Mike.
• Raise the stakes: Amixmu intends to kill the alien (Mike).
• Create more loss: If Amixmu finds the alien with Desae, she’ll lose Nome as well
• Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk: Desae risks all because of her belief in God.
• Time this to be at the worst moment: In the next episode, just as Mikes wound begins to heal, he’s forced to hide which opens it up worse!
• Make it more physically threatening: Amixmu has to spend the night in his vehicle because of the dangerous beasts of the wilderness and kills one with his death stick thinking it was the alien.Fill those into your current outline and rewrite it.
Teaser: The blastoff of Mike’s 13-year mission to Earth’s nearest inhabitable planet 6.2-lightyears away. While Mike is in suspended animation, about halfway to the inhabitable planet, a humanoid Security Force team on that planet, led by Amixmu, raids a secret gathering, leaving a woman, Desae, crying over a lifeless humanoid who’s head lays in her lap. Amixmu steps over the distort Desae as he arrests her, gloating, “This should get you exiled to the wilderness.”
Act 1: Essence: Mike returns to Earth, greeted by his mother, sister, and her best friend. He marries the beautiful friend, and has twin children, before being awakened from his dream by the ships onboard AI computer, “we are approaching the planet” that they’re on a mission to explore. Meanwhile, Desae, (from the Teaser), is farming alone, returning home to check on her 3-year-old son, Nome.
Turning point: As she returns to her farming work, she’s tired, frustrated, and looks up to Logard (God), asks for help.Act 2: Essence: The fuel transfer valve of Mike’s ship is struck by a meteor causing the loss of fuel, forcing a crash landing and no possible return to Earth. Mike begins to show great anger thinking of the fact he’ll never be able to return to Earth, but his onboard AI gets his mind busy by discussing his best course of action is for the greatest chance of survival.
Turning Point: When Desae looks up praying to Logard, she sees Mike’s ship descending overhead and rushes to the crash site on her farm tractor.Midpoint: Turning Point: Desae carries Mike’s unconscious body to her tractor and brings him home.
Act 3: Essence: Amixmu, a stern Security Force leader arrives at the crash site, leads his men to load the empty craft onto a transport vehicle.
Turning Point: He personally begins to follow the dusted over tracts toward Desae’s farm.Act 4: Essence: Desae dresses a puncture wound in Mike’s side, rinsing it with a sponge very similar to her humanoid head covering. Nome stands by, overwhelmed in curiosity as she works carefully and diligently cleaning Mikes open wound. Desae mentions to her son that somehow having to care for this alien reminds her of his father that he’d never met.
Meanwhile Amixmu is having a hard time following the dusted over tracks as it gets dark. A wild animal stalks him from behind, but he hears it, spins around and fires a liquid from the stick he’s carrying. The liquid pierces the animals hide, dropping it to convulse for a moment before death. Amixmu says, “Too bad, I thought you were the alien.” He closes himself into his vehicle and makes himself comfortable for the night.
Turning Point: Desae tells her son, Nome, that she believes Logard (God) has sent this alien to her because he needs her, and she needs him.Act 5: LOCK IN As Mike begins to come to, Nome hides, as Desae stares at him in anticipation. Mike opens his eyes to see Desae’s large pale magenta humanoid face looking back.
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Subject line: Syd’s Adding Empathy/Distress! M3_L8
4. What I learned doing this assignment is how to tap into my character’s circumstances, actions to reveal their thoughts and feelings, and maybe even their beliefs — both good and bad.
1. Look through your outline and see if any of these has a bigger frame for your story, or if you already have it in the story, can you emphasize or expand it:
Crucible
Raj’s reputation — who is he now that his father was executed as a betrayer
Veer’s under pressure — how could intruders get so close to the royals within the palace fort; AND where are they now? What is their end-game? The more he wants to tell his secret, the worse the opportunity
Scramble to locate the intruders / protect the royals [SPECIFIC]
Bhad caught with Sridhar’s diamond in his possession — imprisoned
Charita discovers on the black market [Damyanti] that her necklace is likely from Sridhar’s kingdom (and hot); she also discovers that Damyanti knows how to get into the palace [secret passages] — she’s seized by guards; brought to Veer questioned (he already knows that the necklace is not of the GC royal treasury); Charita mentions the secret passages — Veer jumps into action, before they can reach the royals, they hear Vanhi scream. The infant prince has been kidnapped!B. Betrayal
Rajendra steals from King Shridhar, while living in asylum as his guest
Bhad snitches on Charita’s activities after she asked him to keep it a secret
Cloaked figures exchange money — the receiver turns out to be a GC Royal Guard
Raj asking to come back to GC while he is trying to recruit military support from King ShridharC. Forced Decision
After royal guards are found dead, Jagger and Sugith lie about seeing Charita (and the necklace)
Charita discovers that the intruders stole jewelry — she conceals her necklace, while trying to discover it’s origin from a black market dealer [Sugith mentions earlier]D. Hurt those they love
Veer’s decision to tell his secret now — hurts Anala
When Charita goes to thank Jagger, he believes the gift necklace is from another man
Anala accuses Charita of being complicit in the robbery
Anala accuses Vanhi to Abzar, the queen sent Bhad away after the guards were slainE. Emotional Dilemma
Charita must choose between pleasing the Queen (whom she loves / who’s her only source of support) and Jagger the soldier / musician she loves
Charita fulfilling purpose / calling, becoming more than a wife — contradicts Jagger’s plans
Abzar must weigh his debt to Raj vs Vanhi and his own son (and Charita)F. Exposed
Charita’s entrepreneurial pursuits are exposed to the Queen and (supposedly) shut down
Veer tries to talk to Abzar about “relationships that are kept secret” — Abzar assumes that Veer has discovered that Charita is Vanhi’s daughter, trusts him to keep silent
Bhad, drunk on opium, tells the Mughal Amir in front of King Shridhar that Rajendra’s father was executed for attempting to assassinate the king, implying that Raj was probably involved [How long does it take to travel between kingdoms?]G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences
King Abzar must decide whether Rajendra can come back; Vanhi see Raj as a threat to her son AND he tried to attack Charita. Raj saved Abzar by exposing his father’s plot.
Guards found slain — one of which was in the teaser accepting money, paying the prostitute and saw Charita approach Jagger and Sugith in the private royal quarters
Anala spies on Queen Vanhi who privately sends Bhad on a mission
When Charita discovers jewelry theft was the likely motive for the break in, she keeps mum about her necklace gift2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
Undeserved misfortune — bribed guards are murdered; infant prince; some sympathy for Bhad getting set up and for Raj, the long-time victim of his father
External character conflicts — Abzar vs. Veer; Abzar vs. Vanhi
Plot intruding on life — Queen blocking Charita; Queen blocking Raj
Plans that failed — Bhad snitches on Charita’s desire to become an artist
Witnessing the pain of others — Charita watches Vanhi and Abzar when they discover the crown prince is gone
Extreme consequences — Charita arrested when she tries to find the origin of the necklace
Major loss — The crown prince is missing! Veer has lost Abzar’s trust just when he was about to reveal that they are brothers
Brings their wound present — Charita’s neglected during the lockdown, because she’s deemed lower-class and not important, further, because her family connections are secret, it tempts her to shame; Veer losing Abzar’s trust and respect damages his self-worth as a bastardStep 2: Make those situations even worse.
Make it more painful — Does Charita have a place in Vanhi’s new family or will she be pushed out? Is jealous Jagger even interested in a wife with a calling / business? Does he even know who she is? She can’t reveal her true parentage?
Raise the stakes — Does Jagger giver her an ultimatum about her calling? Does the Queen?
Create more loss — Jagger’s father dies in the attack? Veer gets a letter that his mother [tawaif who had a relationship with Abzar’s father] has died?
Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk — Does Charita get attacked (but escape)?
Time this to be at the worst moment — Does Anala accuse Vanhi to Abzar and then Abzar finds Vanhi obsessing over why Bhad has not written back to her?
Make it more physically threatening — Does Charita get chased instead of Gauri? Jagger and Sugith fight off the intruders that killed the other guards — one of them gets injured. Charita is chased when she goes to the black market dealer. Vanhi receives a threatening letter — and burns it.3. Fill those into your current outline and rewrite it. Check
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