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Lesson 8
Reply to post your assignment.
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16 Replies
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Jack’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned from this assignment is to keep it short and concentrate on the hook.
1. Tell us your credibility.
I have won first place in an international screenplay contest and independently produced four shows which I sold to Discovery Channel. I also spent 7 years as an Associate Producer independently producing the story of the origin of the Masters Golf Tournament which aired on CBS.
2. Tell us your genre and title.
Romantic Comedy titled Kennel Club
3. What is your one or two sentence hook?
A dog groomer who doesn’t trust men, only dogs, secretly rents out the dogs she grooms to members of her chess club so they can walk them to meet women, only to find out her dog wants her to be with her nemesis.
4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:
What
is the budget range? One to Five MillionWhat
actors do you like for the lead roles? Zendaya and Chris HemsworthGive
me the acts of the story.In Act 1 we meet the male and female protagonists who become chess opponents. He beats her in chess using his fast-talking TV pitch voice to throw her off her game. She then becomes his dating coach, renting him the dogs she cares for so he can walk them to meet women.
Act 2 has the male lead use her own dog to successfully finding a girl he likes, which makes her mad at her dog because she now is interested in him. She beats him in chess using flirting techniques she has taught him, throwing him off his game.
Act 3 brings them together in their third chess match, but her dog intervenes and the match ends in a draw as the dog pushes them together proving to them that they should be a couple.
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PETER SALTZMAN’S PITCH FEST PITCH
WHAT I LEARNED
The more I do these lessons, the more I see I must create the show from the pitch and hooks.
TELL US YOUR CREDIBILITY.
Hi, I’m Peter Saltzman, a world-class composer, and pianist whose works have been performed worldwide. An earlier version of this story was a semifinalist in a Screencraft TV pilot competition.
GENRE AND TITLE
Today I have a half-hour Sci-Fi Dramedy called “The Bubble.”
HOOK
It’s the story of the grocery store with everything: literally, it’s the entire universe, but it’s all fading away. At the center of the universe is a self-absorbed pianist in a dank piano bar who may be able to save the world, but only if he can get out of his head.
BUDGET
This is a contained, one-location script, but it will require some CGI, so my best guess is $250k-$500k per episode.
ACTORS
I see actors with singing chops, like Jeremy Strong and Jennifer Hudson, at the A level.
ACTS OF THE PILOT
Act 1: Jackie Diamond plays a florid improvisation in the piano bar while a murderous gang begins spraying him with bullets. But it’s as if his music has created an impenetrable shield. We move out into the world: Eatam’s, the grocery store with everything and more but whose items randomly lose corporeality; then the parking lot where nothing works, and violent weather rules.
Act 2: The only place where everything does work is the piano bar: all is solid, functioning normally. Jackie thinks it’s his music, but cleaning lady and renegade, Alice Brady is convinced that store owner Dyk Wald, who fawns over Jackie, is protecting him for nefarious purposes. And then Jackie’s ex, star singer Ruby Red, begins to lose tangibility.
Act 3: Dyk promises to fix the problem, but as Ruby comes back to solidity, others begin to fade away. Dyk dismisses it as a bug and promises to keep Jackie safe. Jackie must decide: will he accept Dyk’s protection and let others (and the world itself) fade away? Or does he work with Alice to try to save the world?
HOW IT ENDS
Season one ends with Jackie, Alice, and the crew escaping their mini-universe and ending up in a magnificent enclosed futuristic city. It is there that we find out we’ve been watching a TV show from 2099, and the rabid fans of the techno-utopian world are arguing over what the hell it meant…
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by Peter Saltzman.
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Rita’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned :
There is a lot to remember for this type of pitch and will need a lot of practice.
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I’m Rita Roberts. My script is based on my own ridiculous experience of inheriting a painting company and making it successful while finding out it’s a great way to get dates.
It’s a romantic comedy called BLUE MOON.
It’s about a lonely psychology professor who pretends to own a painting company to impress a handsome contractor so she plucks a bunch of random losers from a parking lot to make up her paint crew.
She might be able to fake her way through this new business but it could ruin her chances at love.
This is a low to middle budget script depending on the actors.
I see Ali Wong or Anna Faris for the lead and the “mantagonist” as someone like Josh Duhamel or Chris Pratt with several supporting roles for great character actors.
Act 1:
After Dawn ends her students’ semester with a lecture about mental health and authenticity, she meets Tom, the biggest — and handsomest — builder in town. Impulsively, she lets him believe she owns a painting company and agrees to finish one of his projects.
Act 2:
She assembles an unqualified crew by choosing them at random from a parking lot for some on-the-job training. After a bumpy start, Dawn is able to manage the crew, each with their own mental and emotional hangups and finds that she enjoys being an entrepreneur.
Plus, Tom likes her work and asks her out to dinner! Everything seems to be going great until Tom finds out Dawn isn’t a painter at all, she’s a professor… of psychology, no less.
While avoiding Tom just long enough to finish this one job, Dawn gets to know Tom’s mom. Not realizing their mutual connection, they form a fast bond.
Act 3:
With too much pressure running a crew and keeping up the charade, Dawn’s young foreman tumbles from a high ladder. At the hospital, Dawn comes clean, brings Tom and his mom together and realizes she only became a professor to keep her away from the blue collar world of her boorish dad.
HOW IT ENDS
Not only has Dawn accidentally reorganized her own life but she’s influenced everyone around her to make better choices. She and Tom may not be a romantic match but Dawn adds the personal touch to his world and they become business partners instead. Each is more successful and fulfilled.
I specialize in romantic comedies and scripts for animation.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
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Jalynn’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is that this formula makes a pitch a lot less intimidating.
Hi, I’m Jalynn Venis, and I’m an optioned screenwriter who’s also had several paid screenwriting assignments.
I have a contemporary western titled Heart of a Mustang.
The love of a wild horse and the trust of an old cowboy help a teen thief find redemption and purpose in life – after he learns his ex-con father has murdered his mother.
· Budget range – $3-$5 million
· Actors – A teen heartthrob who looks like pop singer Shawn Mendes and a Dennis Quaid or Mark Harmon-type older cowboy.
· Act I: Hunter discovers his “dead” ex-con father is back and tries to prove he’s bad to the bone like his dad by getting in trouble with the law and being sent to Promise Ranch for troubled boys.
Act II: Hunter bonds with a wild horse and learns to gentle it from an old cowboy named Smokey. He also gets his first crush on a girl who’s a better cowboy than Hunter is.
Act III: Hunter’s father tracks him down at a fair and confronts him roughly. Hunter has to decide if he’s going to kill the man who killed his mother or be the talented young man his mother raised him to be.
· Hunter’s father follows him to the state fair and confronts Hunter outside of a bar brandishing a gun to compel him to go with him. Hunter knocks the gun away and gets it, pointing it at the man he knows murdered his mother. Hunter desperately wants to kill him, but at the last moment makes a better decision and hands the gun over to his mentor, Smokey.
· I’ve been a professional writer all my life, as well as a television and video producer. I’ve worked in broadcast news and non-fiction television. My work has been seen on PBS, HGTV, and other networks. I’m also a published author of books and magazine articles.
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George Schwimmer’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned is, “keep it short and simple.”
Pitch:
Hi, I’m George Schwimmer, I’ve written ten screenplays, been optioned three times and written fifteen narrative non-fiction books.
My screenplay is a delightfully violent adventure/comedy entitled Time Tracker.
I see Matt Damon as lead, Kelvin Harrison, Jr. in support.
Budget range $15-30 million.
This is Back to the Future meets 48 Hrs.
A wrongfully discharged CIA agent teams up with Merlin the Magician to use time travel to find the killers of the agent’s parents.
Adam Kingston, dumped from the CIA by corrupt executives, emotionally hammered, unexpectedly is threatened by two CIA goons, then recruited by the Secret Service and visited by Merlin the Magician—who shows up in the body of a flamboyant young Black man. Although resisting all pressures to get involved, Adam is drawn into thwarting a political assassination when his best friend is murdered. His nemesis, Jack Mordain, an older U.S. Senator, is the leader of a vicious cabal conspiring to murder a presidential candidate, and he targets Adam for death.
After being jailed erroneously, Adam’s captured and battered by rogue CIA agents—but escapes, with the help of three teenage street kids he’s been mentoring. After learning time travel from Merlin, Adam goes back six months to investigate, where he’s shot and gravely wounded but then whisked to the year 3023, accompanied by Merlin—to be healed by a future, and more frenetic, self of Merlin. A faint memory leads Adam back in time to meet his own orphaned five-year-old self, discover a secret letter from his father, meet a former Soviet spy and learn that Adam’s father also had been a CIA agent and had been murdered by Mordain forty-five years earlier.
As Adam comes back to the present, his love interest, Jenny—a Secret Service agent—is killed protecting him, but Adam takes her to the future Merlin, who revivifies and heals her. Returning from a final time trek to the past, Adam and Jenny fall into a trap set by Mordain and are captured. However, briefly tripping back to the previous day, Adam summons the Secret Service, which then rounds up Mordain and his men. Not only is Adam awarded a full pension for his efforts but also discovers a document with his father’s letter that reveals he was left an inheritance, with which he now begins a new life with Jenny and the three street kids.
May I provide you with a copy of Time Tracker?
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What I learned: this goes faster when you’ve done the other assignments.
Hi, I’m Camilla Erlandsdotter and I’ve placed in TV pilot contests. I have a 1 hour gangster series based on true stories called RED. It’s Peaky Blinders meets Madmen in the New York Jewish underworld from the 20s to 60s.
Answers to Questions:
Budget Estimate
Budget range per episode: USD 5 to 10 million.
Actors/ Actresses for the leads
For Samuel – the male lead: Amit Rahav (Unorthodox) and for Anna – the female lead: Anya Taylor-Joy (Queen’s Gambit). Cameo roles could attract A-names such as Robert de Niro, Leonardo DiCaprio or Steve Buscemi.
The Pilot
Samuel and Jacob, two Jewish blood brothers who grew up in a New York reform school and served in the first US Tank Brigade, robs the wrong speakeasy! Now they have a blood thirty local gang lord and his two corrupt police henchmen after them.
Ignorant of the danger, they go to Coney Island on a double date. Samuel is infatuated by the astonishing Anna but feels helpless. Aching, he watches his buddy bond with Anna’s friend, but when Samuel is at his most vulnerable, Anna opens up to him. It’s like a knife stuck in his heart, but he’s happy beyond belief.
The boys are set up for a romantic dinner with the girls in a Coney Island restaurant when the local gangf lord and his henchmen crash the party!
How does it end?
The male lead – Samuel – gets arrested!
Credibility.
I wrote my Law School graduation paper (cum laude) on the Italian gangster Lucky Luciano. Through detailed research, I’m able to grasp the essence of the period in an engaging way.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by Camilla Erlandsdotter.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
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Jon Scheide Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned is… pitch tight and shut up
Hello, I’m Jon. I’m a produced screenwriter and filmmaker.
My script is a Detective / Thriller, it’s called Off The Grid
A private detective realizes that in order to protect the woman he’s fallen in love with he must teach her how to disappear, even from him.
Questions:
What is the budget range?<div>
Mid, depending on cast
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What actors do you like for the lead roles?
Brandon Sklenar, or Sam Rockwell for Marty, the Detective
Margot Robbie for Claire, the abused wife
John Cena for Julian, the abusive pro football playing husband.
Michael Shannon or Neal McDonough for Uncle Kevin, the corrupt cop
The Acts.
Act One: Marty, decorated MP, turned Cop who took a fall to protect his family, is now a P.I. with a bad reputation, reluctantly agrees to take on Claire, a former super-model who’s divorcing her abusive pro football playing husband.
Act Two: Marty learns that this is more than just a celebrity divorce. Claire knows about her husband’s illegal gambling and his partners don’t like the idea of her walking around, free to testify. Marty also learns that Claire is one smart, tough lady, she tells him “You’re not here to save me, you’re here to teach me to save myself”.
Act Three: When Marty’s Uncle, the dirty cop that forced him to take the fall, tries to pressure him to walk away, for everyone’s sake, Marty realizes that Claire has to disappears, even from him, if she’s to survive. After a crazy chase Claire slips away, cutting ties with her past, her family and even a shot at true love.
How does it end?
After Claire drops off the grid, Julian is forced to hire the best detective in town, Marty. Julian makes the connection and Marty catches an NFL size beating, but doesn’t break. Word reaches Claire and she realizes that Marty loves her. A mysterious plane ticket shows up, and as Marty boards the plane he knows that it’s one way.
Bio:
Jon is a award-winning filmmaker and screenwriter who currently has one optioned screenplay and a graphic novel series in publication. He also has over two decades of production experience in features, television, journalism, fiction and new media.
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David’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned from this assignment is the importance of leading with hooks and being concise.
Hi, I’m ___________ and I’m a produced screenwriter. Today, I have an Action-Comedy called HEISTING THE CUP (Light pause). It’s about a crazed sports nut who steals the Stanley Cup, only to be hunted down by Russian mobsters.
What is the budget range? $10 million plus
What actors do you like for the lead roles? Charlie Day, Kevin Hart
Give me the acts of the story. Act One: Seeking revenge after a heart-wrenching loss, Charlie, a crazed sports fan, teams with his swindling roommate Victor to steal the Stanley Cup. Act Two: After stealing the Cup from Roski, a former player of Charlie’s beloved team, Roski’s bodyguards- Russian mobsters- track down Charlie’s address. Charlie and Victor flee when the news of the stolen Cup leaks: and a $1 reward is offered for its return. Act Three: Victor has a way out: a sports collector who’ll pay $3 million for the Cup. The guys race to NYC to meet him- with the Russian mobsters chasing them, guns a-blazing. Meanwhile, Roski’s assaulted for losing the Cup and is hospitalized. Act Four: Charlie and Victor escape the mobsters and meet the sports collector. Knowing Roski’s in the hospital and the future of the Cup is in his hands, Charlie must decide if he should cash in or return it.
How does it end? (setup / payoff). Despite his utter hatred of Roski and Rangers fans, Charlie realizes his fanaticism has affected his life. So he does the right thing and returns the Cup.
Credibility questions What have you done? Hired to write ZOMBIE KILLERS, a produced movie with Billy Zane and Mischa Barton. Recently hired by Oakhurst Entertainment to adapt the book THE ULTIMATE PONZI into a feature film. I’ve also optioned three scripts.
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Ian Patrick’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is how to pitch with clear and quick bullet points.
“Hi, I’m Ian Patrick Williams and I’ve had two screenplays produced and have another one optioned.”
I have an action film titled THE COMING STORM.
The film asks: How do you stop an imminent attack from a White Nationalist group when your superiors are telling you to keep waiting for more evidence?
Budget: Mid range
Actors: Maybe John David Washington as the protagonist and Ron Perlman as his senior partner.
ACT 1: Newly-appointed African American detective MILES BROUSSARD continues to work on his own time to identify the leaders of the American Storm Troopers who are committing crimes and blaming Jews and Black Americans.
ACT 2: Following evidence that another Oklahoma City bombing seems to be in the works, he convinces his Lieutenant and FBI supervisor to stop a truck driven by the AST leader that is speeding toward City Hall. When it’s found to be empty, Broussard is thrown off the case for raising false alarms. But he refuses to take no for an answer.
ACT 3: After being captured by an AST sniper, he discovers that the real plan was always to frame him for an assassination which the AST will use as justification for their fellow terrorist groups to start a race war that will engulf the entire country.
ENDING: On a high rise rooftop, Broussard struggles against his zip ties while the sniper gets the governor in his rifle’s sights. Senior detective Sid Silver rushes in, having followed his headstrong partner. The sniper wounds Silver; Broussard then frees himself, attacks the sniper and throws him off the roof to his death.
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Kathy’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is writing out and doing a Pitch.
This is actually a true story based on my experience living in Saudi Arabia through the Bechtel Corporation back in 1982. This experience led me to volunteer at my local YWCA’s Battered Women’s Shelter where I became an advocate for domestic violence survivors.
Genre -Drama
Title – Second Class Citizens
Can an American woman who once survived as a second- class citizen in Saudi Arabia learn to live like that again when her own country wants to take away women’s rights?
The Budget Range- Between 1-5 million.
I like to see a new young actress play the lead woman and a new young actor play the male lead.
ACT I
A young naive woman meets an older wiser man who works in Saudi Arabia when he comes home on an R & R. They date and it becomes a world wind courtship. After having a long- distance relationship, they decide to get married.
After the wedding she quits her job and leaves her family and friends and joins him in Saudi Arabia to begin a new life in love. After arriving there her world turns upside down when he starts using the male dominate culture by playing games and becoming physically and emotionally abusive.
ACT II
When she realizes what is happening, she starts building a support system with her friends and sees a doctor there who says he can help her. She soon leaves him and comes back home where she seeks marriage counseling.
Learning that it is not a marriage problem but a domestic violence problem she divorces him and starts to build a new life for herself by going back to school to finish her education. She graduates from college and volunteers at her local YWCA Shelter helping other victims.
ACT III
After building her life back up again she learns that her country wants to go backwards by getting rid of women’s rights. She fights back again.
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Vic Valleau Pitch Fest Pitch
Create your entire Pitch Fest Pitch.
1. Tell us your credibility.
Finished in the top 20 percentile in Titan and Big Break Screenplay competitions.
2. Tell us your genre and title.
Romantic Comedy, “Perks of Fatherhood/ Call me Daddy!
3. What is your one or two sentence hook?
In the world of women’s fertility treatments, are men really necessary?
4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:
What is the budget range? $1 to 2 million, or more depending on director and casting. .
What actors do you like for
the lead roles? Eugeneo Derbez, Andy Dick, Paul Dano.Give me the acts of the story.
Act
1: Bib accepts but is failing on his fatherhood quest, fired, depressed.
Act
2: Love of his life snubs him3. Bob spies on his enemy, then sabotages him.
4. His new girlfriend is a sleep around, he must step up.
Ends :Bob is great man to calm her down. Credibility questions: What have you done
BIO: Writer and Stand Up at several comedy clubs: Comedy Story on Sunset, Improv in Santa Monica and also on Sunset and Ventura Blvd, IMDB, Truman show re-writes on teaser as fundraiser exhibited at early Cinemacon, published writer of medical-legal articles, Multi-optioned scripts, including at AFM informal offer from Gersh Agency, employing their talent, Rob Schneider. Currently have scripts in process with A level producers and directors.
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Tom’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned from this is the pitch needs to be exciting – intriguing and conversational.
1. Tell us your credibility.
Good afternoon, I’m Tom Basham, and I wrote, directed and produced a film that won Best Picture at the International Family Film Festival in Hollywood, and produced three other feature films in distribution.
2. Tell us your genre and title.
I have an inspirational drama called A NEW YEARS WISH.
3. What is your one or two sentence hook?
New Years Eve, we all take stock and have hope for the future.
Rick knows his life will be perfect this time next year, and he tells a Monk his life is meaningless until then, and he’d rather skip over all the crap he has to go through.
This Monk, who speaks in parables and is obsessed with old episodes of Columbo, has the power to focus Rick’s obsession and make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Rick wakes up a year later and has money but he’s not happy. He seeks out the Monk who is no help, but Sere, the Monks granddaughter and caretaker provides him a path.
Rick must learn the four immeasurable virtues of life and find out what gives him true happiness, by the next New Years eve or is old programming will become permanent, and his life, and everyone he loves will pass him by.
As powerful as Christmas is, New Years cuts across all cultures and religions.
4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:
• What is the budget range? 1 to 3 Mill
• What actors do you like for the lead roles? Great roles for two up and coming actors in their 20’s, and a great role for an older actor.
• Give me the acts of the story.
Act 1: Rick tells a Monk on New Years Eve he knows his life will be great a year from now, and he wakes up the next morning and it’s year later.
Act 2: Rick has money but missed important things in the last year with his father and best friend. The Monk’s granddaughter tells him he must master the four immeasurable virtues to find true happiness.
Act 3: Rick struggles to master the four virtues, but as he stumbles he loses time again. He learns he must find true happiness before the year is out or his entire life will pass him by.
Act 4: Rick has to choose between his offered his dream job and what makes him happy – the final test in mastering the four.
• How does it end? (setup / payoff).
Rick goes from being knowing success and having others serve him will make him happy to knowing happiness in his heart in service of others.
• Credibility questions What have you done?
I have produced four indy features – one I have written.
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Dave’s pitch fest pitch
What I learned in this assignment is the importance of being brief and basing the pitch on the major story idea and one or two other hooks.
1. Another script, “Powers That Be”, was a semifinalist in the Santa Barbara Screenwriting Competition.
2. A drama, titled “The Last, Best Hope”
3. Fifty years in the future, a young, British lawyer and his best friend must journey across an American continent divided into independent states based on livelihood, identity and values to rescue his wife from a military state in which she has been sentenced to death on false charges.
4. Budget range: $10-20 million.
5. Nigel: William Moseley
Roger: Henry Cavill
Livia: Gabriella Wilde
6. In the first act, Nigel is working as a lawyer in London, when his wife, Livia, communicates with him on SKYPE and he sees her arrested in a military state during the call.
In the second act, Nigel and his best friend, Roger, must travel across the American continent, now divided into independent states, and survive four assassination attempts to reach Shiloh, the military state.
In the third act, they arrive in Shiloh and, acting with an underground resistance movement, free Livia from prison and escape back to England.
7. The day before Livia’s scheduled execution, the resistance group and a sympathetic prison guard help Livia escape custody. Nigel defeats the prison warden in a fight and a young, American pilot, Amelia, who has flown them the last half of their journey to the military state, flies them to safety in a plane she’s flying for the first time.
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L.D’s Pitch Fest Pitch
Learned: That I need this process.
Credibility
I’m a novelist and documentarian of shorts. Today I have a RomCom called Everybody’s Phobic (and then there’s me)
Just how long can popular podcaster and radio host Jaxon hide his multiple social phobias after he meets Angela, who needs his help in bringing down pet store owners who are drugging animals for better sales?
Budget: mid-range.
Actors for leads: Andrew Garfield for Jaxon; Antonio Gentry for Angela.
Three Acts
3 acts
Act 1: Jaxon unknowingly buys a drugged over the top hyper-social-support dog and tries to return it only to find Angela leading a boycott at the pet store. When she turns his support puppy into a poster dog for her cause, he gets pulled into her world but tries to hide his social phobias. Good luck!
Act 2: It doesn’t take long for Angela to convince Jaxon to help her expose pet stores. But that’s not the worst of it. When they and their dogs get kidnapped at separate times, they discover something far worse: a ring of dealers in illegal exotic animals that are being abused.
Act 3: Jaxon and Angela have 24 hours to escape and save themselves and the animals. At the last minute they escape, but don’t find love with each other until they meet again.
Credibility
Besides placing in two film competitions for other work, she is in direct contact with someone who helped raise exotic animals while working with Exotic Joe of the Netflix Tiger King series.
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Jani’s Credibility and Other Attractors
What I learned:
Even if f I don’t have a lot to say about my credibility, then, I will focus on the genres I specialize in.
1. Credibility:
My name is Jani Siwek and I specialize in drama, comedy and horror genres.
2. Genre and Title:
Genre: Drama
Title: LIVE FOREVER
3. One or Two Sentence Hook:
A woman with mild autism, teams up with a wannabe vigilante, with a dark past who teaches her to let go of her fears.
4. Budget:
My budget is one to five million dollars.
5. My Lead Actors:
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel.
6. Summary of My Four Acts:
Act 1:
Becky and Joe meet in Central Park and fall in love. Joe’s nemesis, Jet, follows him to New York City and all hell breaks loose. Jet releases all of Joe’s poisonous snakes from his serpentarium show. A lot of people get bit, including Jet.
ACT 2:
Becky and Joe escape to upstate New York to Joe’s grandfather’s house.
ACT 3:
Joe introduces Becky to the people in his neighborhood so she can eventually join him as a vigilante.
ACT 4:
Jet kills Joe. Becky seeks revenge and kills Jet. Becky heads back to N.Y.C. to start a new life. While crossing the street, she gets hit by a van and dies.
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Hi Cheryl,
Mario just paid for the On-Demand classes as a gift for me. For some reason, his name is now on this portal. It should be under my name Jani Siwek.
Thanks,
Jani
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