-
Lesson 5
Reply to post your assignment.
-
17 Replies
-
Jon C. Scheide’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
“What I learned doing this assignment is…” how to better define a high concept and hook.
The big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
Marty, the Detective is searching for family, for love, he finds it in the person he is teaching how to disappear.
How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
I think using Dilemma is the best choice. Falling in love, he would want to keep her close, but objectively the detective / cop in him knows that she will be safer on her own, away from him.
What is your Elevator Pitch?
A private detective realizes that in order to protect the woman he has fallen in love with he must teach her how to disappear, even from him.
-
George Schwimmer’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is how to build a synopsis with the most powerful hooks.
10 Hooks (most interesting things)
Most unique about hero and villain
1. The hero, Adam, a falsely discharged former CIA agent, becomes able to travel through time. The villain, once a renegade CIA assassin, now an eighty-year-old U.S. Senator, is a key member of a murderous cabal.
Major hook of opening scene
2. Dreaming he is King Arthur fighting a dragon, Adam is symbolically shown he soon will be confronted with human ‘dragons’, with Death and with the long ago tragic deaths of his parents.
Turning point
3. Adam’s close friend Lance is murdered, and Adam is arrested for the murder.
Emotional dilemma
4. Adam is now on the razor’s edge: either he stands back and does nothing about Lance’s murder and a cabal’s assassination plot or else he re-enters the world of intrigue he had put behind him six months earlier.
5. Legendary Merlin the Magician appears to Adam as a flamboyant young Black man, who is able to change any aspect of his appearance at will and to appear and disappear.
Reversal
6. Adam is captured and physically abused but escapes with the help of three street kids he has befriended.
Turning points
7. Taught time travel by Merlin, Adam goes to the past, is shot, almost dies but travels to the year 3023 to be healed by a future—and even more frenetic—self of Merlin,
Big surprises
8. Searching out his own far past, Adam meets his five-year-old self.
9. Adam discovers a former Soviet spy who knew his father—and learns his father also had been a CIA operative and had been murdered by the villain fifty years earlier.
Major twist
10. Adam’s love interest, Jenny, is shot and killed but is healed and revived by the future Merlin.
And other twists, turns and surprises, which often are layered with humor and verbal fireworks between Merlin and Adam.
Time Tracker
Back to the Future meets 48 Hrs. A Magical Realism comedy/thriller,
ADAM KINGSTON, 49, a falsely discharged ex-CIA operative living in Washington, D.C., wakes from a dream in which he is King Arthur fighting a dragon, foreshadowing that Adam soon will be confronted by human ‘dragons’ and with Death, including the long ago tragic deaths of his parents.
Meanwhile, JACK MORDAIN, 80, a U.S. Senator, once a renegade CIA assassin and now a key member of the murderous cabal that killed JFK sixty years earlier, is conspiring to assassinate a current presidential candidate.
In quick succession, Adam is threatened by two CIA goons; is visited by MERLIN the Magician, 28, who appears as a flamboyant young Black man able to change his appearance at will; is asked by the Secret Service to help expose Mordain’s cabal.
Adam resists all pressures to get involved, but when his close friend LANCE, 50, is murdered, Adam is put on a razor’s edge: either to stand back and do nothing about Lance’s murder and the cabal’s assassination plans or else to re-enter the convoluted world of intrigue he had put behind him just six months earlier.
Prodded by Merlin, Adam finally commits to the quest, only to be captured immediately and physically abused by rogue CIA goons but then helped to escape by three teenage street kids he had befriended.
Learning time travel from Merlin, Adam goes back six months, where he is shot and gravely wounded but then travels forward in time with Merlin to the year 3023 to be healed by a future—and even more frenetic—self of Merlin.
A memory flickering in the back of Adam’s mind sends him back to meet his five-year-old self, discover a secret letter from his father, meet a former Soviet spy and learn that his father also had been a CIA operative and had been murdered by Mordain fifty years earlier.
Returning to the present, Adam’s love interest, JENNY, 45—now a Secret Service agent—is killed protecting him, but Adam takes her to the future Merlin, who brings her back to life and heals her, after a frantic scramble with a broken revivification device.
Throughout the tumultuous story, Mordain is demanding the immediate death of Adam, who is hunted by Mordain’s men.
Adam and Jenny travel back to when Adam’s parents were murdered to get proof of Mordain’s guilt but on returning to the present discover that Mordain’s minions had kidnapped Merlin and Adam’s former-CIA friend MACK, 49.
With the help of the three street kids, Adam and Jenny track down Mordain and his men, only to also be captured and brought into a brewery, where Mordain is holding court. However, using a momentary time trip back to the previous day, Adam summons the Secret Service, whose SWAT team effectively captures Mordain and his men.
Throughout this saga runs Adam’s yearning to have an ordinary life and family, which begins to come into being at the end, with Adam, Jenny and the three street kids starting to form a family structure.
The personalities of Adam and Merlin are analogous to those of Jack Cates (Nick Nolte) and Reggie Hammond (Eddie Murphy) in 48 Hrs. Great roles for A-list actors. Adam is the Indiana Jones of time travel.
With an
adult male hero, comic male side-kick, female love interest, three teen street
kids, an arch villain, thriller elements and a detective-style mystery to
solve, this will be a four-quadrant movie, with the potential to be a franchise property. -
What I learned from this assignment is to concentrate on a pitch with high concept and character journeys.
PROJECT #1
KENNEL CLUB: High Concept – A financially-strapped dog groomer secretly rents out the dogs she is in charge of to members of her chess club so they can walk them to meet women.
Elevator Pitch: In my new RomCom, a financially-strapped dog groomer secretly rents out the dogs she grooms to men so they can walk them to meet women. She is the only female member of a chess club and realizes the men have no clue about women, so she becomes their dating coach in the game of love, walking dogs to find ladies to date. Her goal is to get out of debt, but she inadvertently falls for one of the chess players, new to town, who is a fast-talking TV Product pitch man. Standing in her way is an owner who discovers the scheme and tries to put her out of business.
Lead character’s journey. Our desperate dog groomer is about to be tossed out of her rented space. Her only respite is Tuesday afternoon chess in the park, where she is the only female player and enjoys consistently beating all the men, mostly because she has a history of abuse by men and only trusts dogs. These two things come together when she sees the men staring at the local ladies walking their dogs. Knowing they have no clue with women, she offers them the use of the dogs left in her care for $20 per hour and gets out of debt, but finds she has fallen for a new player who beat her in their first chess match. Her journey takes her from chess opponent to dating coach to eventual love interest, all while her male counterpart is on a similar social path. His journey takes him from Alabama to Los Angeles, where he finds the city of vegan angels to be too much for his In-N-Out Burger country-boy mind. He thinks the dog groomer is too pushy, declines the idea of renting her dogs and instead gets a Great Dane from the animal shelter, only to fail miserably with the beast at the dog park. He then decides to join Kennel Club and becomes attracted to her, so she uses her coaching skills to distract him and she wins their next chess match. He then fails again with her dogs, but doesn’t want her to know that, so he continues to rent the dogs, pretending to now be a lady’s man, and leaves the dogs with a few homeless men who enjoy having the dogs to comfort them. When she discovers this, she is impressed and allows him to use her own dog, who, instead of staying with the homeless men, drags him across the street to meet a pretty gal whom he goes to dinner with. Now, he is feeling confident and our dog groomer distressed and mad at her dog, whom she trusts above all men. But, the new love-interest is an activist vegan and once again he is driven back to the kennel, where he must save the day for the owner when her scheme is exposed.
PROJECT #2 SAILBOAT BAY
High Concept – A city-girl law clerk receives a waterfront condo in her boss’s will and visits the idyllic waterfront property to discover she is his daughter and has a country-boy half brother with whom she must save the property from a corrupt senator and his financial advisor who want to tear the property down so they can build and own a Coast Guard Station.
Elevator Pitch – I have a RomCom screenplay which was a finalist in the Santa Barbara International Screenplay Awards contest and about which I have completed a trailer which shows the unusually beautiful setting on the Chesapeake Bay. A city-girl law clerk receives a waterfront condo in her boss’s will and visits the idyllic waterfront property to discover she is his daughter and has a country-boy half brother with whom she must save the property from a corrupt senator and his financial advisor who want to tear the property down so they can build and own a Coast Guard Station. Her mother, a used-car salesperson who is always telling jokes and makes up her own words to sound educated, admits that the judge her daughter clerked for is her father and the reason why he left her the condo, but the daughter thinks it’s because he wanted her to fight the eminent domain action initiated by a senator and his financial backer, who is attracted to her mother. Her mother discovers that the reason for the Coast Guard Station is because the government will widen the entrance to the bay to allow the Coast Guard ships in, and thus will be big enough to allow his mega yacht to get to his house.
Protagonists Journeys. The country-boy half brother is attracted to the daughter and disappointed when he finds out he is related to her, but his mother actually was pregnant with him with another man when she met the judge, opening the door for the two to become a couple in the end. The daughter’s journey takes her out of the city where she learns to love the bay as well as a man she first mocked, then accepted as a half-brother and a partner in beating back corruption, and finally found that she was in love with him.
Adding to the production viability is our control of the properties on the bay as well as tremendous support from the Virginia Yacht Club and it’s many yachts.
-
David’s Synopsis/Hooks
What I learned from this assignment is the importance of having hooks in your pitch- and utilizing them to your advantage.
Charlie’s beloved Flyers are on the verge of capturing a long awaited Stanley Cup… then disaster strikes.
Roski, an ex-Flyer, scores the tying, then winning goal. Charlie’s so devastated he forgets his one year anniversary with Kate. She breaks up with him, tired of him choosing sports over her. What’s more, his dad- a former hockey player- is in desperate need of a surgery he can’t afford. His dying wish is to hold the Stanley Cup, just once. After Roski blasts Philly fans on TV, a vengeful Charlie hatches a plot that his swindling roommate Victor readily champions…
They’re going to steal the Stanley Cup!
And they pull it off, swiping it from an unsuspecting Roski at a nightclub. But his bodyguards- Russian mafia members- track down Charlie’s address, hellbent on retrieving the Cup. Charlie and Victor flee as a $1 million reward’s offered for the stolen Cup. Victor knows a sports collector who’ll pay $3 million for the Cup. The guys race to NYC while Roski’s bodyguards chase after them, guns blazing. Meanwhile, Roski’s assaulted in Central Park for losing the fabled Cup. Dashing towards the collector’s office, Charlie sees all the Rangers fans waiting for the victory parade: they adore their team like he does. When the collector hands him a $3 million check, Charlie faces the biggest dilemma of his life:
Should he cash it or return the Cup?
-
High Concept/Elevator pitch
What did I learn: I find this very difficult.
High Concept:
Is there true love for a gangster?
Samples – Elevator pitch:
1. Finishing up my unique gangster series – like Mad Men in the New York Jewish underworld of the 20s to 60s.
2. Doing the final touches on a series that asks the question: What if committing crimes was the only way to stay alive?
3. Finishing up my unique Jewish gangster series – with the first US tank battalion in World War I as back drop.
4. Just finishing the true story about a little guy’s fight to stay alive, find love and a small piece of the American dream in a world full of antisemitism, rivalling gangsters, racist social reformers and police brutality.
-
Peter Saltzman’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned: I found this to be VERY difficult and didn’t think I’d be a bee to get it done. But in reading through this exercise several times and then trying it out, I think I finally learned what high concept meant. (It only took me like five years!) I’m still unsure if I understand the Elevator Pitch, but I’m getting close.
High Concept: A conceited piano player must utilize his music to unite the inhabitants of the grocery store universe before it vanishes forever.
Elevator Pitch: The entire universe in my show is comprised of a mega-grocery store where you can find anything you want. But there’s a problem: everything is losing tangibility. It will fade into nothingness unless the conceited pianist who occupies the store’s piano bar can use his music to lead the inhabitants into a wider world. But he only plays for himself.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Peter Saltzman.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Peter Saltzman.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
-
Tom’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this is that it’s really hard and healthy to distill the story down to a brief hooky synopsis.
It’s New Years Eve, and young Rick, like most people, are certain this time next year his life will be better.
Rick’s in such a hurry, he tells a Monk his life is meaningless for the next year and he’d rather skip over all the crap he has to go through.
This Monk, who speaks in parables and is obsessed with old episodes of Columbo, has the power to make Rick’s wish a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Rick wakes up a year later and has money but he’s not happy. He seeks out the Monk who is no help, but Sere, the Monks granddaughter and caretaker provides him a path.
Rick must learn the four immeasurable virtues of life and find out what gives him true happiness, or his life, and everyone he loves will pass him by.
-
Vic Valleau SYNOPSIS HOOKS, 1<sup>ST</sup> DRAFT. LESSON 5 TITLE: “CALL ME DADDY”
What I learned: writing this pitch sharpened my script into a missile. I now see marketing targets and most interesting plot and character points.
SYNOPSIS HOOKS FOR M Y SCRIPT “CALL ME DADDY”
“Áre men really necessary?” In today’s scientific world, human reproductive technology asks this disturbing question: “Are men really necessary” . “Call me Daddy” humorously asks and answers that question with one man’s plea to be recognized as a father to many babies.
Independent single women are demanding fertility services. Is this an admission of failure or proof of independence? Marriage is down, Bridal shops are closing by the thousands as women cope. This is the first ever comedy treatment about artificial insemination in the already confused world of dating, mating and marriage.
Our story follows BOB who is shocked to see his elusive high school sweetheart MIA at his clinic where he is a sperm donor. After one failed sexual experience in college, lovesick Bob loses her, keeping only his enduring fantasy love of her. She avoided him since high school, but he follows her to college and beyond. She is married to his rival, international playboy Wylie. Believing Wylie is sterile, she seeks clinics help. Bob’s dream to be the father of Mia’s baby may come true. Could Bob be the father if Wylie can’t? Would it be Bob and Mia’s secret?
Rumors swirl throughout their tight knit world. Rumor has it Mia had sex with entire football team when Bob abandoned her. Or was it her identical twin Sia or just an urban tale? Is Bob gay? Artificial insemination confuses everyone.
These mysteries clear up when Bob does the unthinkable. Wylie fractures his penis, trying to be super sexy man. Bob’s true colors show when his story takes a sharp turn earning the honor to be called daddy.
Like Dallas Buyers club and the Truman Show and its spinoffs, we peek into others intimate lives. Beyond the anticipated and expected film funding sources, new sources include fertility clinics, medical professions, political interest groups. Deep feelings can result in easier financial contributions. Name actresses may align and champion the cause playing major roles due to personal experience with fertility procedures.
Surprise ending: Bob marries Sia then discovers she’s pregnant, but is ‘Call me Daddy” Bob the father? . He was content pretending she was Mia when, during sex, he closed his eyes. His comforting fantasy explodes when he finds out biological father is lying Wylie. Lucky, Bob stands up to Wylie, as never before. Bob requires Wylie to relinquish all daddy rights but allows him to be godfather.
With stand up comedy background and three divorces, I have a revealing view of this world. I’m familiar with audience appreciation of comedy springing from pain and pitfalls of romance, suggesting a good time movie is welcome.
-
Lindy Baker’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is to create a logline and High Concept statement that has a hook and gets immediate reaction from a producer.
This story is inspired by a true story. A psychic is having an identity crisis; she hates having visions of events that she can’t prevent, especially because of the rejection from others. Even though she is in a fragile emotional state, she aches at the angst of a woman who is so distraught that her great niece is missing so she agrees to go with the aunt in search. Her visions are very clear, but then are they really? Clues lead first to the child’s mother, then to a beauty supply owner, and then to a neighboring town. When a second child disappears and the body is found, police wrongly suspect a serial killer. After a meltdown over her life and the unclear clues, she rages through back country roads and accidentally discovers a scene that explodes everything that has come to pass so far. Suddenly these faceless people become real threats to her existence.
High Concept
A psychic in the middle of an identity crisis has accepted the heart-wrenching pleas of a woman to help locate her missing 6-year-old great niece, unknowingly ensnared in the center of a group of faceless people who run a lethal child trafficking ring.Dilemma
How to change the outcome of visions while dealing with naysayers and find the missing child and who took her.
Main Conflict
Lauren wants to be able to stop the events she sees by finding the victims right away and getting evidence to take down the perpetuator.What’s at stake?
Lauren’s death, the child is never found, the kidnapping ring continues.
Goal/Unique Opposition
Lauren wrestles with her internal conflict: What is the purpose in her having been born seeing visions if she cannot stop the events in them? Her quest is to get the facts she needs to find the children and take down who abducted them.Elevator Pitch
I’m finishing up the true story of a born psychic who is rebelling against being rejected for her abilities to see the future with uninvited visions. She struggles with breaking through to stopping events by amplifying these abilities to find a missing 6-year-old. She accidentally uncovers a child trafficking ring who intends to take her down. -
Ian Patrick’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is how to focus on both.
High Concept
DILEMMA: How can you cut through the bureaucracy of your superiors to stop a neo-Nazi group’s upcoming attack?
MAIN CONFLICT: Break the rules or risk an upcoming race war?
WHAT’S AT STAKE: If an assassination is falsely blamed on the Black community, American terrorist groups will rise up together against them.
GOAL/UNIQUE OPPOSITION: Figure out how to bring down an imminent attack when you’re not in a position of power
Elevator Pitch: “I’ve written an action film dealing with the real life threat from American terrorist organizations.”
-
Jalynn’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is that I’ve found a better way to express the big picture of this story.
1.To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
A 15-year-old boy loses faith in his deceitful parents and breaks the law. He’s sent to Promise Ranch for troubled boys to find himself.
A troubled teen loses everything that was good in his life, then is sent to Promise Ranch for troubled boys to find himself again with the help of an old cowboy and the wild horse he bonds with.
A judge sends a juvenile delinquent to Promise Ranch for troubled boys where he bonds with a wild horse and an old cowboy, and in doing so, rediscovers his true self.
The love of a wild horse and the trust of an old cowboy help a teen thief regain his self-esteem and find purpose in life.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
Dilemma
If a conflicted teen shoots the man who murdered his mother, he’ll have to kill his father.
Main Conflict
A teenaged boy learns his “dead” father is alive and is an ex-con trying to reconnect with his son.
What’s at stake?
Will Hunter turn into a repeat offender and eventually become a convict like his father, or will he regain his sense of self and do something worthwhile with his life.
Goal/Unique Opposition
Hunter’s goal is to train the wild horse and regain his belief in himself.
3.Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
The love of a wild horse and the trust of an old cowboy help a teen thief find redemption and purpose in life.
-
Kathy’s High Concept /Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is thinking out and writing it down helps me organize and decide what the high concept and elevator pitch are.
How can a naive woman who believes in the power of love survive in a country where the culture makes women second class citizens, and her American husband uses it to manipulate and abuse her?
My High Concept: A young naive woman named Colleen meets an older sophisticated man named Tony and moves to Saudi Arabia where he works, but with the different culture and new marriage, she learns to fight battles she didn’t expect.
I can tell it in the most interesting way possible by:
Dilemma – Colleen must decide to leave Saudi Arabia to figure out if it’s the marriage or Saudi Arabia that is the problem?
Main Conflict – Colleen discovers that her loving husband is not the person she thought he was. He uses the culture to manipulate and abuse her and she must find a way to survive.
What’s at Stake? – Is her marriage.
The Goal/Unique Opposition – After standing up to him doesn’t work, she goes to a doctor and witnesses her abuse and offers to help her leave.
My Elevator Pitch – A young naive woman who believes in the power of love learns she needs to survive in a country where women are second class citizens when her new sophisticated husband uses the culture to manipulate and abuse her.
-
Rita’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment:
How to cut out excessive details that are NOT hooks.I inadvertently had a query letter in mind while writing this synopsis. I’m not sure what the difference is other than adding a bio and an offer to send the script.
The key to your success is to select HOOKS to tell your story through.
1. Great Title / Tag line.
2. Inciting Incident — the lie.
3. She signs a contract, locking her into the lie.
4. A disaster in the making — picking random losers from a parking lot.
5. She gets her wish — a date!
6. Dilemma — Come clean or keep up the charade. Either way she loses at love… or does she?
=============================
BLUE MOON
Romantic Comedy
True love only comes once in a Blue Moon… after you’ve lied your way into a whole new business.
When Dawn meets a handsome contractor she pretends to own a painting company and signs a contract to finish one of his projects. The only problem is that she’s actually a psychology professor who just lectured her class about honesty and authenticity. Now she has to magically manifest some workers and get the job done.
Where else to find a paint crew but by plucking random losers from a parking lot?
After a bumpy start and a few disastrous mishaps, she puts her faith in this colorful, ramshackle crew and they might actually pull it off! PLUS the contractor asked her out to dinner… but what if he finds out she lied?
Does Dawn come clean or keep up the charade?
Either way, she loses at love… unless she finds a way to have it all.
-
What I learned doing this assignment is…How to find your main hook.
The big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is how to let go of fear and think beyond just yourself.
Elevator Pitch:
Two kids get caught in the lair of a hungry mutant cannibal Merman Wizard and must either run for their lives or assist him in saving the planet.
-
Dave’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned in this assignment is the importance of refining the high concept and pitch to a single sentence that includes the most interesting elements of the screenplay.
High Concept: Fifty years in the future, a young, English lawyer and his friend face multiple assassination attempts as they journey across an America divided into independent states to rescue his wife, who has been imprisoned and sentenced to death in a military state.
Elevator Pitch: The script details the romantic quest of a young English lawyer, 50 years in the future, who must cross an America divided into independent states to save his wife, who has been imprisoned and sentenced to death in a military state. They face numerous assassination attempts during the journey until they reach the heavily fortified, seemingly impregnable military state.
-
LD’s high concept/elevator pitch
What I learned Not easy but helpful in re-arranging the molecules for a second draft.
Concept
Can a popular podcaster with multiple social phobias and a motivational and public speaker meet at the right moments for great love?
Elevator Pitch
Question: What are you working on?
Answer: I’m working on a RomCom called Everybody’s Phobic (and then there’s me). It answers the question, can a popular podcaster with multiple social phobias and a motivational and public speaker meet at the right moments for great love?
-
Jani’s Elevator Pitch/High Concept
What I Learned?
In assignment four, I learned that saying less, turns out to be even more powerful. Just like in assignment five, the elevator pitch is short, to the point and also powerful.
A. My Elevator Pitches:
1. What if you never have to fear death and can live forever?
2. Working on my television sequel for LIVE FOREVER.
B. My High Concept:
A woman with mild autism, teams up with a wannabe vigilante with a dark past, who teaches her to let go of her fears.
Log in to reply.