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Lesson 21
Reply to post your assignment.
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10 Replies
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Lynn’s Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment was the importance of cover-ups and reveals. And I’ll be looking to improve more and more scenes with cover-ups and reveals.
RE the scene I selected, while I have other more important cover-ups and reveals and this one isn’t much of a cover-up/reveal, it’s the first one that changes Jim’s trajectory from playboy trying to win a bet to serious thoughts about Ellie. I earlier had the reveal right up front (more like part of a 1st Act setup point) and even thought it should come a bit later, with the audience learning the same time Jim did, worried like Jim. This lesson made me look for and find a way to do that…
I also have a fake cover-up/reveal for humor: Jim dated Jen in the past and he’s trying in all sorts of ways to cover that up from Ellie, also in this scene, but in a later scene it comes out Jen had told Ellie right off and it didn’t matter to Ellie at all.
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SCENE LOGLINE: Jim goes from being a playboy trying to win a bet by scoring with Ellie to getting serious about her.
LIST THE STRUCTURE OF THE SCENE THROUGH THE THREE STEPS OF THE REVEAL MODEL
DEMAND: Jim is a playboy trying to score with women to win bets, Ellie his current target, but is that all there is to him… a negative trait? We don’t want to see Ellie hurt…
COVER-UP: Jim has a serious side. More re this will come out in later scenes…. This is the first scene in which it is revealed a bit.
REVEAL: Not only about Ellie’s other uncle (more like 1st Act setup), but that Jim can be serious.
WRITE THE SCENE. This is a rewrite, keeping the audience in the dark until it is revealed to Jim, instead of revealing it rigt away….
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[COVER-UP, Current Situation in previous scenes: Ellie has a great-uncle who lives on an off-grid ranch the club plans to visit… including Jim, who not only wants to score with Ellie to win a bet, but is into alt energy and interested in the ranch trip. But she has another uncle….]
EXT. GULF BEACH – DAY
The sun casts shadows from the west. To the east a long beach, calm Gulf waves. Clubbers spread out with plastic bags and pick up the trash while BEACH-GOERS swim and lounge.
Ellie, open shirt over bikini, megaphone strapped on her wrist, holds up diapers with a grimace, bags it. Jen with her bag goes up to Ellie. Jim and Mack look from the distance out of earshot.
JEN: I feel terrible how the students treated you in class.
ELLIE: I’m getting used to it… But who is that student who said our club was abolished? Hanging with the Dean of Students. Who abolished our club.
JEN: Oh, Craig Gordon. His family’s a big college oil funder. He’s back for his M.B.A. A real jerk.
ELLIE: That explains stuff… Another thing, who’s the man upstairs?
JEN: Haven’t the foggiest. But I’ve heard that expression.
ELLIE: (nods) So you joining the club… assuming it’s not abolished forever?
JEN: Yes. It’ll help tie my eco-concerns with my business degree.
AT A DISTANCE
Mack with empty bag speaks to Jim, who holds up a bikini top, then puts it in his bag.
MACK: What you won’t do for a twenty. Bo-ring! Go get her or pay up.
JIM: Patience. It’s all in technique.
MACK: Just don’t swerve into serious territory. It’d be a trainwreck. You might even get defunded.
JIM: You worry too much, Man.
MACK: And you don’t worry enough.
Mack drifts away toward the PAVILION, gives Gecko his bag.
From the distance Jim hears Jen exclaim loudly to Ellie.
JEN: Your uncle! Wow!
Ellie turns away upset. [DEMAND – what is the issue with her uncle?] She and Jen continue to talk out of Jim’s earshot. But Ellie seems upset.
And Jim is a bit worried. [is the ranch trip off, with it jeopardize is plan for scoring with Ellie?}
Jen then leaves Ellie and heads toward Jim. Jim notes Ellie viewing them and edges away [they dated in the past], picks up trash more quickly, stumbles.
JEN: Hey, Jim, what’s going on?
Jim, embarrassed, turns.
JIM: Picking it up fast so we can get on to the party.
JEN: Well, Party Animal, I hate being a party-pooper, but–
JIM: Not really.
JEN: I warn you, don’t dabble with Ellie’s heart.
Jim gestures with mock fear.
JIM: Dabbily babbily boo.
JEN: If you knew who her uncle is it’d stop your joking dead.
JIM: I know, the ranch owner. So?
JEN: Not that one.
JIM: (worried) So who’s the other one?
Jen turns halfway and picks up a juice box.
JEN: Maybe it’s not my place to say. She seemed upset about him.
JIM: Come on, now. I gotta know. I mean, is he a cartel guy or something?
Jen pauses. Jim squirms.
JEN: That’s for me to know and you to find out. The hard way.
JIM: Jen, don’t play with me.
JEN: Look who’s talking, Playboy.
Jim turns away, exasperated.
JEN: He’s our pastor, Reverend Rudy.
JIM: (whirls around) Reverend Rudy?!
Jim notes Ellie glance his way and voices down a decibel.
JIM: Wow. We never see her in church.
Jen shrugs. Jim becomes gut-slugged serious. [REVEAL, The New Situation: Ellie’s the niece of Jim’s pastor. Can he now try to score with her? And that’s something for him to consider re Ellie, to whom he’s totally attracted]
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This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Lynn Vincentnathan. Reason: Tweaked it a bit, added COVER-UP, DEMAND, REVEAL
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This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
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Brenda Boddy
What I learned: Along with the other interest techniques, a reveal makes a scene more ‘bingeworthy’.
Justice and Mason have been reprimanded for not following protocol, causing a criminal to be released. Justice has previously tried to convince Mason (one of his three partners) that he’s from the past.
Logline: Mason has had it with Justice and the team retires to the bathroom to discuss what’s really happening.
Essence: Justice needs to prove who he is.
Coverup: Hank (from a hundred years ago) has noticed his ability to heal since he ended up in modern day Justice’s body.
Demand: Justice (Hank) messes up an arrest because he doesn’t know current protocol, pissing off his teammates.
Reveal: Justice has to prove who he really is.
INT. BORTACK UNIT – BATHROOM – DAY
The four agents traipse in the room.
MASON
He shouldn’t be at work. He’s not well yet.
JUSTICE
What am I supposed to do? Ain’t nobody believes me. I’ve got no where to go..
NINA
What’re we missing here?
Mason sighs, leaning back against the counter next to Misty.
MASON
He thinks he’s not Justice. That he’s his great grandfather from the past.
NINA
Ohhhh. I’m so sorry. You must have really hit your head. Do you want one of us to take you home?
JUSTICE
To what? A woman who’s not my wife and a kid who’s…I don’t know…
MISTY
Not your wife..?
MASON
Right? I told him to get some help.
JUSTICE
I don’t need that kind of help. I need someone to believe me.
NINA
Justice, honey, we’re all here for you. We just have to figure this out.
Justice hooks his thumbs in his jeans pockets and rocks on his heels, frustrated. He looks at each of their concerned faces.
JUSTICE
I need something sharp.
Mason pulls out his pocketknife and hands it to Justice.
MISTY
He’s not acting like the brightest crayon in the box. Don’t give him something sharp.
NINA
He’s not going to kill himself just because he’s…well…
Justice holds up his hand. They pause, silenced.
MASON
Come on, man. What’re you doing?
Justice holds their gazes as he slides the tip of the knife up his forearm, drawing blood.
Everyone sucks in their breath.
MISTY
I told you not to give him something sharp.
They all suck in their breath again as the dripping blood reverses it’s path and pulls back into his arm, the skin closing as though it had never been touched.
MASON
What the hell?
Justice sets down the knife and places his arm on the counter for everyone to examine.
The team stares. Mason snatches up the knife and plunges it into Justice’s palm.
JUSTICE
Owwww.
Justice throws the knife back on the counter and clutches his hand to his chest. The girls yank Mason back by his arms.
JUSTICE
Son of a bitch. That hurt.
Mason shakes free of the girls, his attention on Justice.
MASON
Is it healing?
Justice holds his palm out. It heals. Mason shakes his head, unable to accept what’s happening.
MISTY
This must be an anomaly. Or some new type of drug…
Mason grabs the knife and stabs it into Justice’s side.
Justice grabs Mason by the throat and slams him into the wall. He pulls the knife out.
Both girls yank Justice back.
JUSTICE
What the hell is wrong with you?
Mason struggles for breath.
MASON
Show us.
Justice pulls his shirt up. Everyone holds their breath as the–
–wound closes over and heals.
JUSTICE
I wasn’t sure that one was going to heal.
Mason backs away, pulling a shaking gun on Justice.
MASON
What are you?
Nina jumps between the men.
NINA
He’s still Justice.
JUSTICE
I don’t know. Are you going to shoot me now? We’re just figuring things out.
Mason slowly lowers his gun.
MASON
Yeah. Sorry. You’re freaking me out. You’d heal anyway.
JUSTICE
So, what do I do?
MASON
Maybe you were right. You’re here for a reason.
JUSTICE
Bringing in Mason didn’t send me back. You shouldn’t have let him go.
MASON
If you died again, maybe you’d go back.
JUSTICE
And what if I end up just…dead? I’m kinda hopin to figure this out first.
NINA
He’s still one of us. And he’s going to end up in trouble or a science lab if we don’t teach him the ropes.
The rest of the team look at each other somberly. They each create a fist, leaving thumb and pinky out, and shake them simultaneously in front of them.
NINA/MASON/MISTY
(together)
Pee O Bee
JUSTICE
What?…
MISTY
Protect our brothers. Can you shoot a gun?
JUSTICE
Of course, I can. Mason said the next shipment of women are crossing in three days. You should have let me find out where.
MASON
We can’t get information the way you used to.
(to the team)
I took his guns. He had an antique pair of colts strapped on without any bullets.
The girls note the ‘Look What I’ve Been Dealing With’ expression on Mason’s face.
NINA
Then we have three days to bring him up to speed and figure out where the shipment is crossing.
MISTY
We have a lot of work to do.
MASON
I’ll take him to the gun range before I drop him home. Show him what we shoot.
NINA
Misty and I can have the crime unit look for any buildings or crossing areas that would work to transport a group. If Miguel were working with Justice, the crossing has to be somewhere close.
The group files from the bathroom, Mason and Nina in the lead. Misty grabs Justice’s arm, holding him back until the door swings shut.
She pushes Justice up against the wall and plasters herself against him, laying an erotic kiss on his mouth. Justice pushes her away.
Misty nods, satisfied.
MISTY
I have my own way of determining if you’re authentic or under some new test drugs.
JUSTICE
You were sleeping with him?
MISTY
Fuck no. I don’t touch married men. You’re the one who wanted to catch me in a corner and drop trou.
Misty walks out the door.
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Alfred Dunham’s Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment…
Once again, this was a watershed experience – another bundle of loose ends, tied up. I see the connection of this skill set with those used in the Thriller Genre skill set.
Select a scene that NEEDS a cool reveal and give us the logline of the scene.
LOGLINE: A national park ranger discovers the grizzly remains of four mountain climbers, but when their puzzling deaths point to the woman he has come to love, he is drawn into a deadly, cat-and-mouse investigation to try and prove her innocence.
Ask questions to lead to a list of possible reveals.
What do I want to hide from the reader for dramatic effect?
a. I want to hide Elyna’s true identity and Russell’s activities.
What are the characters hiding from each other?
b. Elyna, as well as Russell, are not as they appear.
What is already known that would be more dramatic if hidden, than revealed?
c. Elyna’s sketchy history is troubling. In what way, if any, is she involved in the mountain massacre?
What would be the best/worst/most dramatic thing that could be revealed at this point?
d. The true Elyna Bonet is dead, and the fraudulent Elyna is not legal.
Knowing this story, what could be under the surface that would create more drama for my characters?
e. Russell has figured out that Elyna cannot be who she’s claiming to be, but that reveal only draws suspicion back on Russell, who seems a bit too eager.
Are there any deeper meanings to the things my characters are saying and doing?
f. Yes. Elyna is terrified of Russell, and Russell is too smug, wanting to blame the deaths on wild animals – refuses to listen to the Coroner.
List the structure of the scene through the three steps of the Reveal Model. Demand: Cover-up: Reveal:
a. Current Situation/Coverup:
Everyone believes that the young French woman, Elyna Bonet, is the daughter of the Lodge owners, who have died and left the Lodge to her.
b. Demand:
Sequoia National Park senior park ranger, Russell, has figured out that Mrs. Bonet would have been about sixty years old when Elyna was born, and he uses this revelation to hide his own mischief. He blames her for the four dead bodies in the mountains on a rocky plateau.
c. Reveal
Elyna chooses to reveal who she really is to a junior park ranger, Spencer, to avoid a murder rap, and because she has come to trust him to understand her true reasons for her deception.
Write the scene…
EXT. THE MEADOW – DAY
Elyna leads Spencer some distance past the barn, through the woods, to a meadow with a small hillock.
SPENCER
Where are you taking me?
ELYNA
Patience. You’ll see.
Elyna continues to lead Spencer to three, small, wooden grave markers on the hillock.
She points to the middle one.
INSERT – GRAVE MARKER, which reads:
“Elía Monet.”
BACK TO Elyna
Elyna just continues to point.
Spencer is confused —
SPENCER
Who is this?
ELYNA
It’s me.
SPENCER
You’re making no sense.
ELYNA
That’s because it isn’t me.
Spencer is dumbfounded.
ELYNA
Wait for me, here. I’ll be back.
SPENCER
Elyna?
ELYNA
Figure it out, Spencer. Russell did.
SPENCER
What do you mean?
ELYNA
He was here. He tried to force a confession – threatened me.
Spencer sits on the ground next to the gravesite.
LATER
Elyna returns.
ELYNA
We’re alone, again. My guests have gone.
SPENCER
You’re Elía Monet, aren’t you?
ELYNA
Yes and no. Elyna Bonet died, and Mister and Misses Bonet unofficially adopted me.
SPENCER
And gave their child’s name to you?
ELYNA
Yes. So now you know. I’m not legal. The real Elyna was about twenty years older than me.
SPENCER
And nobody suspected?
ELYNA
Why should they? They virtually never saw either of us.
SPENCER
Wow. Your names are so similar; I get it. Your secret is safe with me, Elyna.
ELYNA
Thank you, Spencer. But it is not safe with Russell.
SPENCER
That comes as no great surprise; he’s such a bully. But we have new problems to worry about.
ELYNA
Like what?
SPENCER
Who put up that fence on the plateau?
ELYNA
You keep talking about that fence. Why is it so important?
SPENCER
Because it’s an enigma. It has no reason for being there. My sixth sense kicked in the minute I saw it.
ELYNA
How do you know this?
SPENCER
I’m a biologist, first. There is no biology that I know of, that would put that fence there for any reason.
ELYNA
So –?
SPENCER
So, what’s it doing there? There has to be something else going on.
ELYNA
You asked me about the wire. Did you look further into that?
SPENCER
Yeah, I did. It wasn’t the Golden Trout Pack Station, either.
ELYNA
So who, then. We’re the only ones.
SPENCER
No, you aren’t. Cottonwood Pack Station is on the eastern side of the mountains.
Elyna gasps.
ELYNA
I never thought of that, but they’re so far away.
SPENCER
The problem is, the university listed on the receipts told me that it has no such faculty member – never has.
ELYNA
It seems you’re over your head in non-existent people. I’m sorry I’m a part of it.
SPENCER
Let’s just confirm your identity, first.
ELYNA
Good idea. I’m tired of running.
SPENCER
There is a way to make you legal, you know.
ELYNA
I can’t afford that.
SPENCER
Sure, you can, but would you even want to run the risk?
ELYNA
What risk? Being deported?
SPENCER
That’s not what I had in mind.
SPENCER
Let’s just focus on you, for now. Get a birth certificate from France.
ELYNA
I’ll do that.
Elyna and Spencer just sit looking at each other.
SPENCER
Introduce me to your babies.
Elena jumps up laughing – takes Spencer’s hand.
ELYNA
Come.
Spender stands – is swallowed up by Elyna’s eyes on him – touches her face with the backs of his fingers.
SPENCER
God, you’re beautiful when you smile.
ELYNA
Spencer?
LATER
Spencer is surrounded by three giant dogs whose only threat seems to lie in their possibly licking him to death.
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Jerry Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment was that DCR is a very powerful method for adding depth and layers to scenes that may otherwise run a bit flat and also good for planting the gun.
LOGLINE: The housemaid is complaining about the amount of sand being tracked though the house and is accusing everybody of not changing their boots when they come indoors.
A) Reveals on a Plot Level
• The Doctor is experimenting with babies
• Charlie is spying on the Doctor
• The Cook is aware of the Doctor’s experiments
• The Cook has been watching Charlie
B) Reveals on a Character Level
• The Doctor/Cook knows to bide their time
• Charlie is out for himself
• Emma doesn’t want to believe Charlie
C) Reveals on a Situation Level
• The Cook covers up for the Doctor
• The Doctor is vulnerable to blackmail
• Charlie knows that the Doctor still has the whip-hand.
Scene #1
Demand #1: Charlie discovers the Doctor’s secret.
Cover up #1: Charlie doesn’t know the Cook has also been watching him.
Reveal #1: Charlie is being watched.Scene #?
Demand #2: The Doctor is being blackmailed by Charlie
Cover up #2: The Doctor helps get Charlie a job
Reveal #3: The Cook warns the Doctor he is harbouring a viperScene #??
Demand #3: Charlie is blackmailing the Doctor
Cover up #3: When Charlie is injured the Doctor insists on bringing him home for treatment.
Reveal #3: The Doctor (or Cook) murders Charlie.
Scene #1
INT. DOCTOR’S STUDY – DAY
Hammering at the Doctor’s door.
GROOM (O.S.)
Come quick Doctor! There’s been a terrible accident at the loading pier!
The Doctor emerges from behind the thick heavy curtain behind his desk and quickly unlocks his study door. He is wearing his slippers
DOCTOR
Right, right.
The Doctor grabs his bag. The Cook comes in.
COOK
Your boots.
The Doctor grumbles as he puts on his boots then looks around.
COOK
I’ll have a nice pie ready for your dinner
DOCTOR
Oh…ah what sort
COOK
Your favourite.
The Doctor hesitates.
DOCTOR
Let me just check
The Groom enters.
GROOM
I have the jaunty round the front in case you need to move your patients Doctor.
DOCTOR
Right then I’ll
COOK
Go on then. I’ll tidy up.
The Study is now empty.
(beat)
The door slowly opens and Charlie peers in. Slowly with a backward glance Charlie enters the study and quietly closes the door behind him.
Charlie wanders about the room. From a desk drawer he finds some money and pockets a few notes. Then his attention is drawn to the curtain – he looks behind it and sees a door – it is slightly ajar.
Charlie slips through…into a small laboratory with rows of specimens in jars on shelves. Charlie moves amongst them – some fascinate him, some horrify him. A shelf of small babies in alcohol draw his attention. Charlie studies them…he taps a glass jar and suddenly a baby opens it’s eyes. Terrified Charlie flees the room.
(very short beat)
The Cook enters the study and straight though to the laboratory.
(beat)
She exits the laboratory and locks the door behind her before checking the drawer with money in it. She takes it out and counts it before returning it then leaves the study closing the door behind her. -
Anna’s reveals:
MY script: SOTG – Archangel (s.5, ep.2)
Logline: Jamin and Gita each have answers, but no longer trust one another enough to be totally forthcoming.
Reveals:
- Reveal #1: Gita and Jamin are cousins.
- Reveal #2: Gita once visited the Tomb of Tiamet. She may be the only person left in existence who knows where it is. But she’s not about to tell Jamin because she no longer trusts him.
- Reveal #3: Aturdokht currently has the necklace, but Jamin doesn’t wish to tell Gita about either Aturdokht … or Lucifer.
- Reveal #4: Wait, what? Seven dragons?
What are the characters hiding from each other? Jamin doesn’t wish to reveal he is Lucifer’s lover. Gita doesn’t wish to reveal that, like him, she is under a death sentence and can never return home.
What do I want to hide from the audience? The puzzle pieces regarding Tiamet, and her trap, will come together over 8 episodes of the season, so I only want to drip drip drip.
Deeper meanings: Gita and Jamin are both descendants of Tiamet. They just don’t know it yet.
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INT. – PRINCE OF TYRE – HALLWAY
JAMIN pulls a small, black box out of his satchel and holds it out. Her expression turns from distrust to curiosity.
GITA
What is it?
JAMIN
I want you to tell me.
GITA
Slide it over—
(she gestures with her knife)
–slowly. Or I’ll reopen that hole in your belly with a brand-new wound.
Jamin slides the box across the floor.
Gita’s hands tremble as she picks up the box. She traces a thirteen-pointed star inlaid with silver into the lacquer, and then looks up, her eyes filled with wonder.
GITA
Where did you get this?
JAMIN
It belonged to my mother.
GITA
It belonged to the goddess who founded our temple.
JAMIN
So, it’s true?
GITA
(angry)
That my mother was a whore?
JAMIN
No.
(he gestures at the box)
What the old woman told you? That your mother, and my mother, were sisters?
GITA
(shrugs)
How would I know? She was about to be sacrificed to Moloch.
Jamin looks thoughtful.
JAMIN
It’s possible, you know?
GITA
(scoffs)
That we’re related? The son of a chief, and the daughter of a drunk?
JAMIN
Mama wasn’t Ubaid. But the Chief forbade anyone ask where she was from.
He moves towards Gita, his expression tormented.
JAMIN (cont’d)
Gita, please? Tell me what you know?
Gita skitters back, her knife held up to protect herself. The ship convulses as it senses her distress. Gita stares at him like a cornered animal. Jamin moves back to his own side of the hallway.
Gita stares through him, her expression haunted.
GITA
Her name was Tiamet. They say she gave birth to seven dragons.
JAMIN
Dragons? Like Emperor Shay’tan?
GITA
The lizard god?
JAMIN
Yes.
GITA
I don’t think so. The dragons were benevolent, not evil like the lizard-men.
Jamin almost contradicts her, but thinks better of it. Instead, he says:
JAMIN
My mother also had a necklace, lapis-lazuli, with golden beads, and a carved black pendant that looks like a winged crocodile holding up that—
(he points at the box)
–exact star.
GITA
(gasps)
My mother brought me to a cave which had that symbol carved into the door.
JAMIN
Where?
Gita’s expression turns distrustful.
GITA
Where is the necklace now?
JAMIN
I gave it away.
GITA
To who?
JAMIN
(sighs)
To Roshan. Marwan’s son-in-law.
Gita’s expression turns from confusion, to disbelief.
GITA
You gave your dead mother’s necklace to our enemies?
JAMIN
(irritated)
If you recall, I was trying to rescue your cousin, my fiancé, who was being held a prisoner at Mikhail’s sky canoe!
Gita clamps a hand over her mouth to suppress a laugh. She takes a steadying breath.
GITA
That’s unfortunate. It might have given us a few more clues. Where can we find this Roshan?
Jamin’s expression grows grim.
JAMIN
We can’t. Mikhail killed him.
—–
What I learned doing this assignment? Its better to drip-drip-drip and hint at future reveals.
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<title></title><style type=”text/css”>
</style>Beth Zurkowski reveals
Lesson 21 reveals that pique curiosity
What I learned doing this assignment
was I need to work on more scripts.Select a situation from your script and write it using the Reveal
Model.Select a scene that NEEDS a cool
reveal and give us the logline of the scene. Nata and Darsh are in
love but Nata is promised to another.Ask questions to lead to a list of
possible reveals.What do I want to hide from the
reader for dramatic effect? Who is the promised one.What are the characters hiding
from each other? Darsh has a plan.What is already known that would
be more dramatic if hidden, then revealed? The age of the promised
one.What would be the best/worst/most
dramatic thing that could be revealed at this point? There’s a plan
to elope.Knowing this story, what could be
under the surface
that would create more drama for my
characters?Are there any deeper meanings to
the things my character are saying and doing? The father doesn’t
trust his accountant so he stands nearby as the payroll is doled
out.List the structure of the scene
through the three steps of the Reveal Model. Demand: Cover-up:
Reveal:Cover up: Nata is promised to another
and she knows nothing about him. Darsh has a plan.Demand: There’s an urgency to persuade
Darsh to do his plan.Reveal: Nata’s father is paying and
planning for a wedding for Nata and Old man Vishnu.Write the scene.
EXT. BARN-DAY
Year 1910 La Crosse, Wisconsin USA
NAYA (16) meets with boyfriend DARSH (18). The two love birds make sure no one is around as they excitedly enter the barn. Horse buggy without horse is parked inside next to a model T car. Horses are also inside the stalls.
INT. BARN-DAY
Naya and Darsh can’t stop touching each other. They undress and have sex. Afterwards they rest in the hay.
NAYA
Darsh, I’m pretty sure I’m with child.
DARSH
Naya, that’s wonderful news.
NAYA
Not if I’m already promised to another.If my father finds out I’m pregnant–
Naya begins to tremble. Darsh puts his index finger on her lips.
DARSH
Shhhh. I have a plan for that.
NAYA
Tell me, Darsh. I need to know.
DARSH
I’ll tell you later. Just act like you will marry this promised one and I’ll prepare for the plan.
Just then the grounds keeper opens the door and enters. He puts a shovel against the wall. He hears whispering and he finds Naya and Darsh laying in the hay.
GROUNDSKEEPER BOB
What are you two doing in here?
Darsh and Naya stand up grabbing their clothes which they hold against their nudity.
DARSH
Bob, please don’t tell Naya’s father or family that we were in here.
GROUNDSKEEPER BOB
Naw, you don’t have to worry. My mouth is sealed.
INT. OFFICE- FRIDAY AFTERNOON
Naya’s father is with the accountant. He’s watching as she hands out cash. Groundskeeper Bob is handed six dollars.
GROUNDSKEEPER BOB
Good afternoon Mr. Master and Anna. How are you today?
Anna nods.
ANNA
Good.
MR. MASTER
I’m doing good. How are you?
GROUNDSKEEPER BOB
I’m doing fine, sir. I saw your daughter, Naya, and boyfriend the other day. They sure–
MR. MASTER
–My Naya doesn’t have a boyfriend! Besides she’s already promished to someone.
GROUNDSKEEPER BOB
I understand sir.
MR. MASTER
Are the grounds ready for Nata’s wedding?
GROUNDSKEEPER BOB
Yes, sir.
MR. MASTER
Terrific. Thanks for taking care of the holes dug by the labordors.
Groundskeeper Bob salutes him and turns to go.
INT- MANSION- OFFICE –AFTERNOON
Mr. Master waits to have a word with Naya.
MR. MASTER
Nata come into my office please.
NAYA
Yes, father?
MR. MASTER
I understand you have a boyfriend?
NAYA
Yes, and I love him.
MR. MASTER
Well, I forbid you see him anymore. You will be marrying my friend who has more money than your boyfriend will see in his life time.
NAYA
But I love Darsh. He means everything to me. And he’s going to college for a degree in engineering.
MR. MASTER
Mr. Vishnu Das is a millionare. He’s a business man and continues to grow his wealth. You are very lucky he would even consider you being so ugly and worthless.
NAYA
I’m practical. Money doesn’t matter to me.
MR. MASTER
How’s he paying for college?
NAYA
He has a job in a book store.
MR. MASTER
Which pays peanuts.
NAYA
As long as I live here. He’s free to go to college.
MR. MASTER
If you marry Darsh did you say?
NAYA
Yes.
MR. MASTER
If you marry him you will wish you were never born.
NAYA
I don’t even know what your friend looks like.
MR. MASTER
Here’s a picture of him.
Naya’s father shows her.
NAYA
He’s so old.
MR. MASTER
Only 58.
Naya gasps.
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Jack’s Reveals
Logline: Mrs Baldwin DEMANDS to know why Tammy’s ex-husband left his house to his law clerk, Sara, Vicky’s daughter, which is COVERED UP by Vicky until REVEALED when Vicky is called a baby mama and explains the judge, whom she knew in high school, was her daughter’s father
What I learned from this assignment is to think out what needs to be covered up and then how best to reveal it.
SCENE
INT. CONDO ENTRY – DAY
Vicky sees Mrs. Baldwin through the glass front door, opens it. Mrs. Baldwin extends her hand. Vicky shakes it.
MRS. BALDWIN
Hi, there. Blair Baldwin. I’m treasurer of the condo association.
VICKY
Oh, hi. Come in. Which condo is yours?
MRS. BALDWIN
On the other side, fourteen.
Vicky backs up and allows Mrs. Baldwin to enter.
She strides past Vicky and plops down on a bar stool as if she owned the place.
MRS. BALDWIN (CONT’D)
I’ve always loved this view. So, is your husband with y’all?
VICKY
Don’t have one.
MRS. BALDWIN
(laughing) Divorced like the rest of us.
VICKY
I’m single.
MRS. BALDWIN
So, … you’re a baby mama?
Vicky, indignant, doesn’t reply.
MRS. BALDWIN (CONT’D)
Where y’all from?
VICKY
D.C.
MRS. BALDWIN
What do you do?
VICKY
I sell cars.
MRS. BALDWIN
What kind?
VICKY
Previously owned.
Mrs. Baldwin is satisfied she’s better than Vicky.
MRS. BALDWIN
Have you heard about the eminent domain?
VICKY
No, what’s that?
MRS. BALDWIN
The federal government is taking over the condos on this side of the property, you know, next to the canal, for a Coast Guard facility.
VICKY
Huh. Well, my daughter’s an attorney.
MRS. BALDWIN
I heard she worked for Judge Collins.
VICKY
Law clerk.
MRS. BALDWIN
And he left her the condo?
VICKY
He did.
MRS. BALDWIN
Hmm.
They stare at each other, sizing each other up.
MRS. BALDWIN (CONT’D)
That’s very unusual, don’t you think?
VICKY
What’s so unusual?
MRS. BALDWIN
You know, an old man leaving his condo to his young, beautiful assistant.
VICKY
What are you insinuating?
MRS. BALDWIN
You know.
Vicky holds up a finger.
VICKY
Excuse me for a second.
Vicky leaves the living room for the office, quickly returns with some of the old photos.
She sorts through, pulls out the judge as a boy in a football uniform, shows it to Mrs. Baldwin.
MRS. BALDWIN
Is this George? My word. Look at all that hair.
Vicky next hands her two photos of her: one running track and another in a cheer leading outfit.
VICKY
George got me pregnant in high school. Your Honor’s my baby daddy.
Mrs. Baldwin, shocked, slides off the bar stool, stumbles toward the door.
VICKY (CONT’D)
He wanted me to have an abortion. I was on my way to college on a track scholarship but had Sara instead.
Mrs. Baldwin hurries out the door.
MRS. BALDWIN
(sticking it to her)
He did the same thing to Tammy, but, he married her.
-
David’s Reveals
What I learned from the assignment is the importance of having well structured reveals in your script.
Logline: Fenix writes a $3 million check for the Stanley Cup
COVER-UP: Victor says Fenix is a big time sports collector, so we assume he is; will pay $3 million for the Cup; see all the prized collectibles in his sports room, must be a huge fan
DEMAND: Charlie gapes at the sports room in awe. Says to Fenix, the collector: ‘Thought I was a big fan.’
REVEAL: Fenix says he loathes sports, this is his revenge on the jocks who once bullied him
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Lesson 21
Reveals That Pique Curiosity
Jo Reveals
What I learned: Putting the demand, the cover-up and reveal into the same scene turns a short scene into a story within itself.
Script: “Cattle Kate”
Logline: Garnet, Kate’s best childhood friend, comes to Sweetwater to find out who is guilty of hanging Kate and her common-law husband.
Questions That May Lead to a Reveal:
1. What is hidden from the reader? Kate’s adopted son is Garnet’s biological son.
2. What are characters hiding from one another? Garnet’s goal is to assume possession of Kate’s hotel/café/bar business outside of town and turn it into a brothel. Garnet’s suitor is courting her to acquire possession of Kate’s business for himself.
3. What is already known that could be hidden then revealed? Garnet is running from an abusive husband and the law. She is accused of killing him.
4. What could be the most dramatic thing that could be revealed in this scene? Garnet reveals to Kate’s son that she is his biological mother.
5. What could be under the surface that would create more drama for the characters: The Cattlemen’s Association is wanting to run Kate’s business as a private club for the membership of the Association. Garnet’s suitor is a member of the Cattlemen’s Association and is the one who raped Garnet on her first trip to Sweetwater twenty-five years ago.
6. Are there deeper meanings to the things my characters are saying and doing? Each one is after the same thing: Kate’s business property that she has left to her son, Charles, via her Will.
Scene Structure:
Demand: Kate’s adopted son wants to be left alone to run the business he acquired through Kate’s will upon her death.
Cover-up: Kate’s son is suspicious of Garnet.
Reveal: Garnet tells Kate’s son that she is his mother. Garnet became pregnant at age 16 by her rapist. He was a rancher who belonged to the Cattlemen’s Association. Garnet’s suitor has offered her marriage so the three of them could run the business as a family.
The Scene
INT. TRAILS INN, SWEETWATER, WYOMING – DAY
Garnet, dressed in a bustled emerald green sateen dress with lace overlay that rustles with every step and plums in her fashionable, matching hat, leisurely paces the Inn sixing up the items displayed for sale.
GARNET: Interesting place you have here.
CHARLES (17), Kate’s adopted son and the only survivor of the Cattlemen’s raid watchers her every move. He stares as if he’s never before seen a lady dressed so fancy. He shifts his feet, nervously. He stays behind the counter.
CHARLES: Lady, you find anything you need?
GARNET: Yes, I believe so.
Garnet turns to Charles.
GARNET: Oh, pardon my manners. I am Garnet.
Garnett reaches her hand out, but Charles is too intimidated to shake it. Garnett drops her and takes a few steps away from him. She senses the boy seems to be more comfortable with her at a distance.
GARNET: I am Kate’s best friend. We grew up together on the river. When I read in the paper that Kate met her death in such a horrible way, I just had to come here and search for her killers. They need to be brought to justice.
CHARLES: Good luck with that, Lady. Nobody crosses the Cattlemen’s Association and lives to tell about it.
GARNET: I have grown rather bored with my life at the Yellow Hotel. I was thinking of settling down here. Phillip O’Connor has proposed and I have an estranged son. After we conclude our investigation and bring Kate’s killers to justice, maybe the three of us could be a family.
CHARLES: Lady, I don’t pry into other people’s business so people leave me alone. That’s my life. I like it that way.
GARNET: Have you ever wondered who your biological mother was?
CHARLES: Nope.
GARNET: Your birth mother named you Louis.
CHARLES: My name is Charles.
GARNET: It appears she did a good job raising you.
CHARLES: Yep.
BEAT
Garnet: Your conception was the result of a rape. I was only 16.
BEAT
GARNET (Cont.) I could help you out with this place.
Charles becomes agitated. He paces behind the counter.
CHARLES: (loudly) I don’t need no help.
GARNET: (scolding) You don’t speak to your mother like that!
CHARLES: Lady, you need to buy something or leave.
GARNETT: Yes, I will leave. For now. But this isn’t over.
Garnet rustles out the door. We hear her click to her rented horse and buggy.
CHARLES (angrily, under is breath) Ain’t nobody goin’ to take this place from me. Not no fancy prostitute lady and no Cattlemen’s Association big shot like O’Connor.
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Brian G. Walsh Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment was that reveals bring excitement and expectation to the script.
A. Reveals on a Plot Level:
Without being authorized, Marie is investigating the murder of her sister. The case is still open from over a year ago and remains unsolved.
Marie’s friend, Retired Police Detective Bill Ryan, is Marie’s (and her sister’s) biological father. Marie doesn’t know who her father is and he wants to keep it that way.
Ryan didn’t want to marry Marie’s mother, Michelle DuClaire. She was a prostitute and drug addict. He confided in Smithers, not knowing he is a sadist and murderer.
Dr. James Smithers is a police psychiatrist specializing in serial killer criminal psychology. He is actually a sociopathic murderer. He is very upset when he learns that Marie is investigating her sister’s death without authorization. He complains about this to Lt. Klein, who feigns ignorance and promises to look into it.
B. Reveals on a Character Level:
Marie is compassionate and loyal, but she is also ambitious and vengeful. She will run over anyone who gets in her way when she is on a mission.
Ryan acts the wise, old sage who knows what’s best but is really an inveterate womanizer who never takes responsibility for his sleeping around. He is concerned that Smithers’ file on Mariah DuClaire will reveal that he is her (and Marie’s) father.
Smithers acts the cool, aloof professional, but beneath the surface he is a raging menace who needs to experience the thrill of control over women. He also revels in murdering them. Killing in his preferred fashion is his “high” that he needs more and more often.
C. Reveals on a Situation Level:
Situation: When Smithers finds out that Ryan copied his files.
Marie asks Smithers for permission to see his files on her sister. He agrees but doesn’t tell her he has files on her mother which Marie never knew about. Ryan is not aware of that, either, but he must know what is in the file that Smithers gave Marie a copy of. Ryan breaks into the doctor’s office. He picks the lock of the top filing cabinet and removes it. He sees how the alphabet runs. He retrieves Mariah’s two file from the next cabinet without having to touch the cabinet lock. He notices that Smithers also has a file on Michelle DuClaire, their mother and his former girlfriend. Hands shaking, Ryan copies the files, then puts them back in the drawer and replaces the top drawer and locks it. He shoves the copies inside his shirt. Smithers arrives and catches him.
Smithers called the cops. Ryan tells him he will expose Smithers relationship with Marie’s mother if he has him arrested. Smithers checks to see that the filing cabinet draw is still locked, then agrees to forget about it. He toys with Ryan, intimates that Marie’s mother wouldn’t have killed herself if Ryan hadn’t abandoned her. He says that Mariah said so herself. She blamed her father. That led her down the same path as her mother, Bill.
Marie was tipped off about the call made by Smithers. She arrives just as the cops are leaving, having been told it was a false alarm by Smithers. She notices Bill Ryan’s vehicle parked across the street from Smithers’ office. She moves her vehicle down the street and keeps a watch.
Marie sees Ryan leave, talking with Smithers as he walks him out.
Marie follows Ryan to his house. She watches from the window and sees Ryan remove the documents from his shirt. She watches him read the documents. She remains in place until he quits and goes to bed, leaving the documents on his desk.
Marie breaks into Ryan’s house. She reads the documents.
Ryan catches her reading the documents and nearly shoots her. She confronts him about the documents. He tells her he didn’t know that Marie’s mother was in Smithers’ care. She tells him she knows he’s been keeping things from her. Ryan wonders if she finished reading the documents and found out that he is her father. He orders her to leave his house now. Marie tells him she’s not leaving until she finishes reading the files. Bill realizes his secret is about to be revealed.
In his office, Smithers notices that the copying machine is on. He tries to remember if he shut it off or not. He accesses the flash memory. He calls up the most recent documents copied and prints them. He takes the pages off the machine, one-by-one. He realizes that Ryan tricked him. He is worried about becoming a suspect in the murders of mother and daughter. He decides he’ll have to kill Ryan and make it look like a heart attack.
DESIGN THE STRUCTURE
Demand 1:
Marie asks Smithers for permission to see his files on her sister. He agrees but doesn’t tell her he has files on her mother which Marie never knew about. Ryan is aware that Marie doesn’t know her mother was receiving treatment from Smithers. He breaks into the doctor’s office. He picks the lock of the top filing cabinet and removes it. He sees how the alphabet runs. He retrieves the file from the next cabinet without having to touch the cabinet lock. He copies the files on Marie’s mother, then puts it back in the drawer and replaces the top drawer. He shoves the copies inside his shirt. Smithers arrives and catches him.
Cover up 1:
Ryan wants to see what’s in Michelle DuClaire’s file. He is afraid that his relationship with Marie’s mother and her father’s identity is in the file. He desperately wants to keep that from her because he feels guilty about what happened to her mother and that he was never a father to her or her sister.
Reveal 1:
Marie believes Ryan is concealing something from her. She obtains her sister’s sanitized file from Smithers but there is nothing in it about him. She shared it with Ryan. He now knows that Smithers removed information from the file, so he wants to see what’s in the real file on Mariah DuClaire.
Demand 2:
After breaking into Smithers’ office, Ryan finds not only Mariah’s original file, but a file on Michelle DuClaire. He didn’t know that their mother ever got treatment from Smithers. He knows there is such a thing as doctor-patient confidentiality, but he wonders why Smithers never told him she was his patient. Was Ryan responsible for her suicide? He must find out what is in her file. He copies both before being caught by Smithers. He is allowed to leave without Smithers knowing he has the copies.
Cover up 2:
Seeing Ryan leave Smithers’ office this late at night, a suspicious Marie follows him home. She stakes him out, watching with binoculars as he reads the files. She notices he is distraught. She waits until he shuts the light and goes to bed, then sets about breaking into his study.
Reveal 2:
Ryan catches her in his study. She insists she won’t leave until she finishes reading the files of her mother and sister. She is about to find out that Ryan is her father.
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