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Day 2: “What I learned rewriting my scene/character…?”
What I learned rewriting my scene/character…?
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8 Replies
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I am still not rewriting, although this one gives me one clue into the one scene I fixated on in my screenplay as being “dull” when I expected it to be intense. So far, I was thinking of rethinking the situation, and one more note I shared that I can’t recall at the moment. This one has two more clues. One, relying on the actors to pick up on nuances. And the other, that the camera, lighting and scene composition, per shot and sequencing it is as effective as dialog. Writing those too specifically however would annoy a director, although it couldn’t hurt leaving clues, especially if they are metaphoric, and meaningful as was this scene in Francis’ head while he wrote the long monologues.
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Hello Sandeep, You wrote: “…the camera, lighting and scene composition, per shot and sequencing it
is as effective as dialog. Writing those too specifically however would
annoy a director.” That is exactly what I meant when I replied to another person on this course (Week 2, Day 5) who asked me about meaning that is conveyed without dialogue. I agree with you. There’s a fine balancing line between doing the director’s job, yet trying to factor in non-verbal elements that can get a scene’s meaning across. All the best.-
right Paul, absolutely. although i’ve read we have the liberty of indicating a shot, e.g., “the phone has a message,” or in this case, “a hand gestures.” maybe even, “Only now we are face to face, with VITO CORLEONE, 60…,” for the associational moment Deb caught.
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What I learned…
I can see other ways to draw in the audience to my main character, using the words in the script rather than the camera movement.
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As I went back over my character introductions, it was helpful to go through the checklist for each one in order to create a challenging situation, give some interesting dialogue, make sure the action fits their character and gives insight into who they really are.
This took some time, and wasn’t easy – it required a lot of brainstorming – but was worth the effort.
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Assignment Week 3 – Day 2 – The Godfather
What makes this character great from a writing perspective is how much of his personality is communicated without words.
Indeed, keeping his mouth shut, as the other character rattles on, is one of his fundamental characteristics. He knows how to listen. He knows how to keep his mouth shut. So, the writer has to communicate his personality non-verbally too. He is a man who does not show all his cards. He sits stroking a cat, as though he would not even hurt a cat, yet we know he’s boss of a killing machine.
The breakthrough I had with this assignment was thanks to Hal’s check-list of things we should include when we introduce a character. I will use that as I review all my character options. It’s a great formula for making the audience want to stay in that person’s company for the next 100 minutes.
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Week 3 Day 2 Character Intro THE GODFATHER
FIRST WATCH
Challenging situation Man asks him for justice for his daughter.
Dialogue Corleone rebukes the man for coming for help only now that he’s in trouble, never as a friend, never calling him Godfather, never offering respect. If the man had, then man’s daughter would never have been attacked because then man’s enemies would have been his enemies. Best line is end of scene when he says they’re not murderers no matter what the undertakers say.
Take action fitting his character Once other man completely submits to him, Corleone agrees to do what the man’s asking…by telling one of his cronies to tell one of their hitman to do the job.
Insight into who he really is He’s unwilling to do anything for the guy because the guy never showed him “respect”, until now. Once Corleone completely humiliates him in front of the “council”, then Corleone will inflict “justice” on the men who attacked the guy’s daughter. Corleone says consider it a gift on Corleone’s daughter’s wedding day. At first, we only see the man, as if his monologue is what matters. We don’t know if he’s speaking to the camera or another person until the camera pulls back and we see a hand gesture for another hand to offer the man a shot of liquor. Then pull back more to see Corleone. He towers over the scene without even being in the initial shot.
SECOND WATCH
Engaging Corleone who focuses on respect, gradually humiliating the man who comes begging for his help. Every gesture, every word by Corleone is measured, ripe with subtext, in control, and gathering more control as the scene progresses.
Express profile Corleone never raises his voice. He dominates by convincing the man he’s disrespected Corleone. Corleone boxes the other man into a corner by preying on the man’s desperate need for help. Corleone sneers throughout the scene. He pets a cat through the whole scene. He values animals more than people.
Depth in this character Corleone is dressed formal while discussing murder. He pets a cat while discussing murder. He demands respect while he’s disrespecting the other man. He’s godfather to the man’s child, but he’s also godfather to his own mafia family. We don’t even see his mafia life in this scene, but he alludes to it when he says they don’t murder.
Great character Corleone plays many different roles from the very opening. Mixing family and business. Blood lines and bloody body bags. He’s been around a while, so he must have survived a whole lot of crap, and committed even worse to get where he is. He also commands others as his henchmen.
My own writing. The prince’s mother can command this kind of respect, by force of
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This intriguing opening of the film and the intro of Don Vito Corleone manipulates us into wanting more. A lone, standing man pours his anger, pain and frustration to someone we don’t see or know. However the speakers vulnerability and verbal pleading tells us the seated person has a lot of power to do something about this man’s pain. As the camera moves back we see the Don’s hands, not his face as yet. Who is he that sits in the shadows? We know he doesn’t go to the light but lives in the shadows. Only at the end of his pleading sad story, do we see the Don – tuxedo dressed and very serious. He has many sides, including being a great listener, judging from the diatribe spoken. The gentle Don shows, sits and listens while stroking a purring kitty. Even how he puts the cat down shows gentleness.
The analytical Don judges, pauses and answers the plead for help, which includes murder for desired justice, we see the domineering, crafty eye-for-an-eye powerful character show his true colors. This mob leader absolutely desires respect, loyalty, friendship, honor and humility. This complicated man doesn’t like killing just for murdering someone. But business before pleasure. His daughter’s wedding should be about her and hosting a memorable event, but stopped for a good period of time to do business with his mob patrons.
Then comes the serious Don’s gentle wrath – he never raises his voice, period. However what he says could cut through steel – he minces no words and humiliates the lone talker for his audacity, asking for a favor from the Don, before developing a any kind of caring friendship – Don is insulted, tells him so. at the end, the Don asks for a favor in return. At scene’s end, you know this character deeply.
I learned that I need to rewrite my opening scene and present my character differently, thinking it through and allowing him/her to represent many aspects, likable and unlikable.
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