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Lesson 8
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6 Replies
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Need Stronger Lead Characters: Michael, Joe, Seraphine and Anni. Weaved more of their back stories into the scenes
B. Need Stronger Character Intros: I think this has been accomplished.
C. Playing it Too Safe: That might be true. Michael could actually go back to Gloria. Sera stays with Russell and there is more of a push for them to get together.
D. Lead Characters Not Present: Only 4 scenes without a lead.
3. Knowing that any character can be rewritten many ways, solve or elevate as many of those as you can.
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I was doubting my decision and wanted to “playing it safe”. Now I’m not worried about it anymore. I want the characters to be honest for who they are. They are not normal because of the situation that they are in. I don’t need to make them look normal so that audience would accept them.
A. Need Stronger Lead Characters
The two characters are quite strong and complex.
B. Need Stronger Intros
The film starts from intercut between the two main characters and how they join together.
C. Playing it Too Safe
The two characters have opposite personalities. The clash is very interesting.
D. Lead Characters Not Present
Only one scene without two characters and it’s very necessary.
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Tita Elevates Lead Characters
What I learned from this assignment:
When I first read the questions/guidelines, I heard myself thinking “yes, got that… all okay” but when I forced myself to think harder, assume there were some missing elements, I found a lot. Some small changes that need to be woven throughout, lightly, but so they build awareness of who’s doing what why. Some more major changes. Biggest result from the assignment guidelines: I see how to layer in much more interesting contradictions within each lead character and between them – in ways that are aligned with concept, pitch, arc, etc.
List of Changes in Outline (not script) that I Made to Elevate Lead Characters:
Just for me because they won’t make sense out of context or without lengthy descriptions –
· Throughout, heighten violence vs voting concept indirectly. Sam calls for peaceful settling of grievances through elections by all but deploys army then cannot kill with his own hands as he says he will; Dan chooses armed opposition to make government more fair and just, but makes sure the armed rebels stay peaceful… until Sam triggers the violence.
o Show or heighten/spotlight reasons why Sam and Dan each hate or fear taking overt leadership, Sam prefers behind the scenes power and Dan just wants to be one of the guys – and insists people lead themselves.
o Sam’s wound – mother shamed him when he considered being a lawyer – focus more on helping people religiously, be a minister. And he saw his father’s attempt to help the poor with land bank humiliated. More effective to get others to take “spontaneous” action – weave throughout his inner conflict between loving “the people”, wanting to them to have equal respect and rights but learning too much about violence and greed in both street mobs and privileged Tories
o Dan: Doesn’t want to be a leader. Angry at privilege – was ignored or treated with contempt… loves Sam’s simplicity and his commitment to the people when most of Boston treated him with contempt for being country hick
· Intro of Sam: have him running out of carriage to join the people, chased by the colonel.
· Intro of Dan: show him not just refusing praise as leader but his resentment of leaders who used to look down on him – and his pride in cracking the sword.
· In celebration scene: when returning victorious from war and meeting each other, show more clearly Sam and Dan both agreeing to equal rights and peaceful use of elections to make changes…but don’t play it safe.
– In above scene and throughout:
o Don’t idealize Sam.. make sure we see Sam deciding how people should decide something when he disagrees with “the will of the people” manipulating them with charming supportive, loving strategy that takes away the agency, individual rights, that he has championed
o Show Dan’s longing for peace but hot-headed short temper/impatience. have people try to praise each of them. Both of them no – all the soldiers. No glory.
o With both lead characters getting their strength from not being titular heads, big positions, need to bring out their specialness early – maybe by each of them in celebration scene refusing to be the star for the others
· Weave more strongly elements of Dan’s character – strengthen focus on his avoidance of conflict, reluctance, weariness of war… but just before he decides to take up arms, show more clearly what turns him… not just Sam deploying army against him, but some personal reaction and need for violence despite all his talk about peace.
· Show why they are leaders. For each Sam and Dan, show in a scene with each of them, a moment when others are paralyzed, Sam or Dan suddenly takes leadership despite trying to avoid or stay in the background.
· Add new scene of Dan and Sam reconnecting, both trying to prevent the coming violence, both wanting to save democracy from people calling for an American aristocracy, maybe monarch… but ending with anger – Dan wont fall for Sam’s attempt to manipulate how he feels and Sam feeling abandoned by Dan for not trusting him to get merchants in Senate to understand. Here or in county meeting, show them both desperate to prove war was worth it.
· Look for places in outline then in script where I can play with and heighten contradictions to avoid the generic. Let go of wanting people to love him,
o Sam: loves equality but doesn’t trust people, fears their anger as he saw in mobs… – get closer. Hutch and father hurt his father’s attempt to bring fairness to farmers, people with land but no money. His mother wanted him to focus on spiritual joy not economic, she hated lawyers. Humor maybe in his mistrust of what he loves – self-govt, so has to make sure they decide… knows mobs, selfishness… loves the people, but doesn’t trust them the better he got to know them
o Dan: Doesn’t want to lead, be equals, when he took food to Boston, ignored, contempt for him, just be moral. Don’t depend on him… but he tells people that they shouldn’t rebel and close courts… until he suddenly gets angry and not just joins the rebels but leads them… Add in some moments where those contradictions come out where he speaks for peace but takes up guns… but makes sure all men with guns stay peaceful… can’t use them… meanwhile peace loving Sam who wants all grievances resolved through elected reps and if they can’t, vote in others… he panics and deploys army. Let go of need for people to love Sam – can love him even if he’s a strategic maestro of control while praising self-government.
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Birgit Keil_Elevated Story Beats
LEARNINGS : It just keeps getting better!
Per the assignment, I began by choosing 3 scenes to punch up. I ended up reworking every single one. Rather than post the entire beat sheet, each character, here’s the Cliff’s Notes:
The characters themselves now have emerging qualities and traits. Each one has a stronger personality and all play off each other which causes more conflict and take the scenes to more of an extreme.
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Day 8 Assignment: Pump Up Your Beat SheetLESSON 14 OF 25 Hal April 21, 2021ASSIGNMENT
Select at least three (3) scenes in your Beat Sheet that you’d like to improve.
Tell us the purpose of each scene you are improving.
Give us the “before and after” of the beats you improve.
Give us the updated Beat Sheet with the improvements you’ve made.
At the top of your work, answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
Subject: (Katherine) Elevated Story Beats
13. (E5) INT – SILVER SPRINGS MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Mary is pissed again. She downloads everything from the mayor’s computer. Especially everything related to the hospital development. She has no intention of training Sheila or coming to the office anymore.
There are three things going on in this beat.
1. Mary is pissed. Richard will have to pay in some way for treating her this way.
2. She copies everything from the system for research on who could have possibly killed the mayor. Other than the suspects she already has in mind.
3. She will not train anybody nor will she be coming back to the office. She trained him to take over as Mayor. She’s not training anybody else.
I see this as a transition for Mary. She has to not only finally forget about having a relationship with Richard, but to give up her job and livelihood. Because of him as well. Not that she was worried about her financial condition. She was always a saver, not a spender. She could maintain her living standards. But Mary was the type of person that needed something to do. A goal. Something to work towards.
What she is not is someone who waits to confront a person who has wronged her. She would not have waited to tell Richard off. She would have confronted him immediately.
18. (E6) INT – CHURCH – DAY
Mayor Bennett asks Mary and Eli to meet with him that evening at Liz’s House.
This is another transitional scene. However, it should include Mayor Bennett having conversations with the other female politicians. He tells them he would like to have a role in their organization, if he would be allowed. He firmly believes in what they are trying to accomplish and would like to pick up some part of the support that Liz was providing. He gives each of them his contact information and if in the near future they meet, he would like to sit in and learn about their goals and any future plans. He wants to see if he can fit in at some level.
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Stronger Leads: Adding more take charge scene changes for my leads – definite attitudes.
Stronger Intro: Changed 2 and the 3rd didn’t need much – he was already nasty and engaging.
Playing it safe: Made the characters more vulnerable, more defiant, controlling and less likable in some instances to change the arc.
Lead Characters not present. Didn’t realize the importance of having Leads in most scenes.
Combining scene ideas and condensing some to achieve less of these “not present” scenes.
Every day of doing the class work, I’m learning what I didn’t know and that importance. Now that I understand more and know how to think outside my box, I’m reevaluating the importance of specific concepts to improve my writing style. I’m pleased with how this is developing.
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