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Post Day 25 Assignment Here
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7 Replies
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Karin Hallén’s Solved Structural Problems
What I learned doing this assignment is that I do have clear structural beats. That said I sense there is something stronger to be discovered for the reaction to the last act and to the climax. I just can’t put my finger on it yet. I have identified the reason for this being that I have some lack of clarity in regards to the protagonist as a character. And hope to discover what additional elements I can add to the reaction to the act 3 Turning Point, Climax and Resolution, when I work on the character more.
Act 1:
Opening/Old Ways: Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue?
Yes. But it can be made stronger by finding a way to have George, the protagonist show more of his character and old ways without adding time.
Inciting Incident: How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey?
The Protagonist finds himself standing eye to eye with a real genie who wants nothing more than granting someone three wishes. However, the wishes are limited. From the Antagonist’s (second protagonist) point of view: She’s being released from her lamp for the first time in 1000s of years and can’t wait to grant her last client his 3 wishes asap so she can permanently retire.
Turning Point: How is this Turning Point a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?”
Protagonist point of view: The protagonist realizes that he has power and decides to use it. The genie has to stay around with him until he’s asked for his three wishes, regardless of how long that takes. He decides to never ask for the last one. Consciously it’s so he can have her around to help him for as long as he wants. Subconsciously he make makes the decision because he’s lonely and wants company.
Antagonist’s point of view: She realizes the protagonist intends to keep her “prisoner” forever and declares war – set doing anything in her power to make him ask for all his wishes asap.
Act 2:
New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point?
Protagonist: He asks for his second wish – for the genie to become his assistant, to be around and help him at seminars and lectures, in order for him to look successful.
Antagonist: She has to grant the wishes but her plan is to sabotage while doing so, so that the protagonist will want to get rid of her and ask for his last wish.
Plan in action: How does the protagonist take action on that plan?
The protagonist uses the genie more and more as an assistant in any public setting, in order to both avoid heavy lifting and to appear successful.
Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey?
The genie is left alone with the audience at a seminar and is forced onstage. She is infinitely more successful than the protagonist is at speaking and answering questions from the audience. For the first time, the audience is captivated and books sell.
Act 3:
React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things?
What is revealed to the protagonist is that the genie is more popular with the audience than he is and ever has been. She is full of common sense wisdom and charm which the audience really responds to in a way they’ve never responded to him. At first, he reacts with jealousy. Then he thinks about the possibilities and decides to use her onstage more and more to boost sales.
New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict?
Since the genie is popular with people the protagonist decides to order her to be onstage to speak together with him at every event in, order to increase his success and boost sales. As his assistant, the genie (antagonist) has no choice but to do it.
Antagonist plan. The genie is extremely resistant and does everything she can to sabotage the protagonist so he’ll get rid of her until she discovers how much golf costs. This causes her to make a new plan and collaborate with the protagonist for a percentage of the profit from book sales etc. She decides to give it her all to make them successful.
Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way.
The genie has completely overshadowed the protagonist with her honesty, natural wisdom, and charm. When she gets a call from Oprah and someone mistakes the protagonist for her assistant they have a huge fight and the protagonist blurts out his last wish by mistake. “I wish I’d never have to see you again.” The genie grants the wish and disappears forever. Now the protagonist is completely alone, without any help, and feels more like a failure than ever.
Act 4:
Dilemma: What emotional dilemma requires the protagonist to choose between two alternatives, losing something with either choice?
He feels more alone and more like a failure than ever. He still tries his old ways one more time and fails miserably. He realizes that his old ways don’t work but identifies who he is so much with them that he decides to quit, instead of changing, because he sees no way out.
Climax/Ultimate @xpression Of The Conflict: How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically?
The protagonist is so resigned that he can’t put on an act when he gets a surprise visit from a depressed neighbor and they have a real connection. He accidentally falls into the first expression of new ways and helps his neighbor. When coaxed into a speaking engagement he overcomes his fears and tries his new ways – because there is literally nothing else left to try – and he resonates with the audience. He also admits his errors. He stops being driven by superficial validation and at the expense of others.
Resolution: How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion?
The protagonist admits his errors and jealousy to the antagonist. He admits that he’s missed her and she also admits that she’s missed him. They become friends for real. The protagonist speaks at an event in front of a large audience with honesty, integrity, care, and generosity. And he publicly gives the genie the credit for his earlier success. He asks a woman out on a date and she accepts. He is nice, no longer alone, and successful. The protagonist and the antagonist are happy for each other.
New Ways: What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue?
The new ways are honesty, generosity, integrity, and a genuine desire to help people. He becomes a friend and therefore gets friends. These new ways show up by chance first, when the protagonist is visited by his neighbor and deliberately as he makes the shift to become real in the last few scenes. Climax and resolution.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Karin Hallen.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by
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Mary and Rich Solved Structural Problems
What I learned doing this assignment is that there’s a lot of work ahead. Lots of brainstorming still, but like the way the beat sheet has improved since day 5, now it sounds like a real movie could come out of this. Also like the questions, which force the writers to look objectively at the outline, and now go back and do the draft 2 changes to the script.
Act 1
Opening/Old Ways:
Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Yes, an older man and a younger punked out guy are pre-judged and rejected by the “posse” of students.
Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Both are, yes. Morty is a bit hesitant, being the only person over 50 on campus. Jax is adrift and apathetic.
Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue? Morty cracks corny jokes, and provokes negative reactions
from the younger people, even from the teacher who is between the students and Morty’s age. Jax sits like a lump, nervously tapping his pencil, and nobody talks to him except Morty. He carries a Red Bull with him to force himself to keep awake.
Inciting Incident:
How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey? Wwe want to see if Gen X and Gen Z can work together and not kill each other.
Turning Point:
How is this Turning Poing a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?” Morty loses the “bet” and must let go of his idea and go out of his comfort zone to new younger things. Jax now must lead the way with his idea winning, and be the one who cares enough to see thius through.
Act 2
New Plan:
What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point? Morty tries to twist so his own idea goes into the script, but he has to get Jax, who is only mildly interested, to work with him. At first Jax doesn’t answer his 7 am calls, so he goes to Jax’s apartment. He pesters him into doing his half of the work, as he finds out more about his partner.
Plan in action:
How does the protagonist take action on that plan? They work together, dismally. Through their discussions, Jax finds out that Morty likes the teacher. He proceeds to help him “get with the tech-stuff” by learning texting, dating app, etc. in exchange for following Jax’s space theme and dropping his own.
Midpoint Turning Point:
How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey? Morty tries the new way (dating) and fails miserably. Jax is jealous of the instant fatherly way Morty relates to Kyle, and it makes him think about himself and Melanie/Kyle.
Act 3
React/Rethink:
What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things? Each sees the others POV a little better, and they are trying to be collaborative not competitive. More than just the screenplay, their lives are being improved by the help from the partner.
New Plan:
What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict? Morty doesn’t give up, goes on a second date. Jax starts talking more with Melanie personably, curious about her day, etc. They work harder, trying to find a theme that works well for both, its difficult but finally they find one – Yard Wars.
Turning Point:
The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way. They meet at the big Air Show on a lovely day. Jax’s dad is the Commander of the Field, and Bella is a flying instructor, and it becomes a complete failure. Dad sees Melanie and threatens to cut off Jax money, Mortys new beau is revealed to be Melanies Mom, Bella also has Kyle following her which evokes anger from Jax. Starts an argument with Morty, about Melanies Mom – he can’t date her. Melanie argues with her Mom, saying Morty is too young for her. Morty and Jax call it a day, but only after revealing they’ve decided to stop working together on the screenplay, and drop the class.
Act 4
Dilemma:
What emotional dilemma requires the protagonist to choose between two alternatives, losing something with either choice? Will Jax admit he was wrong about telling Morty who he can date, and feeling jealous about Melanie/Kyle, losing face with his father figure? Or will he just quit, as usual, and lose his new friend and remain aloof from Melanie and Kyle. Morty must accept that his dream to write a screenplay is over before it’s gotten off the ground, and lose his new friend Kyle who reminds him of his lost son. Or trust Jax to be more than the selfish person he had an argument with.
Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict:
How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? By dropping their guard and old prejudices, they take a big step forward and trust each other, resulting in happiness for them both. With the screenplay, they seemingly win, but it’s a false facade. They need to work on it more.
Resolution:
How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion? Rather than succumbing to their fears, they continue the journey, knowing that together they bring out the best in the other, and that success in life is a process not a destination.
New Ways:
What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue? Each has completed the journey to the new ways, even at the end they are tugged back toward the old but they cannot return to that ever. They trust one another and move ahead, and things looks bright going forward. Being a comedy, there is the screwball ending with Mory having to “shape up” for Bella, and you know she will put in her two cents about “Yard Wars” as he goess through class 2.
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JAYE’S SOLVED STRUCTURAL PROBLEMS
What I learned is that once you have your first draft down, going back and filling in the gaps, plot holes, structural problems is easy!
ACT 1:
I initially had Hero as the Protagonist and Villain as the Antagonist. I took a lot of time and care to introduce Hero, and pretty much introduced Villain at the time of the inciting incident. As it turns out, this story ended up being more of a buddy movie; a bromance, and Villain was not the TRUE antagonist. So, even though it’s minor, I wanted to give a glimpse of Villain earlier on as well, to make the story more rounded.
ACT 2:
Here is where I probably made the most changes to my story. I wanted the Mayor to be the TRUE antagonist, so I needed a good why. Although this reason wasn’t going to be fully revealed until act 3, I needed to ensure my setups were solid. So I went back and filled in any holes, so that when everything was said and done, it would make sense and be acceptable.ACT 3:
One big layer in my story is that Hero and Villain are only recognized and credited for their actions. People love Hero because he’s good, and they hate Villain because he’s bad. When Hero loses his powers, his relationships with others also starts to crumble and his perception of himself goes to hell. Throughout my entire story no one has a name, only a title. This is done intentionally, because when we finally learn Hero and Villain’s names, it’s only because they care enough to finally ask each other.ACT 4:
I am hoping that Act 4 is packed with emotion. What we have come to learn is that when Hero and Villain get their powers back, this is actually an essential part of who they are. Hero has battled with Villain’s innate evilness, and Villain has had a taste of Hero’s empathy, two powers neither of them has had before and ended up struggling with. ow that things are back to normal…is Villain bad because he chooses to be, or is he bad because he’s bad. (Why does the snake bite? Because it’s bad? No, it bites because it does.). -
Christi’s Solved Structural Problems
I’ve learned that with this new pass, my dueling protagonists take turns to meet the key marks. I know I’m winging the structure but if I focus too much on the detective, nobody cares about the wrongly accused man and who the killer is. If I focus on the murder suspect primarily, readers get bored when the detective shows up as they want more Murder, She Wrote stylings.
When I had to gut the Mid point, I instinctively reshaped the structure from Day 5 so good on my instincts!
I’m hoping that with both of them in the protagonist role- and even experiencing conflict with each other – there’s enough of a double dutch rhythm to keep even the most jaded reader engaged.
I’ve also spent time making sure the key intro scene clearly demonstrated who the detective is to his inner circle, defining the roles clearly in the first 2 minutes. I remember watching the TV movie Hide, where I knew clearly what the relationship was between leads. It was crystal. I’ve always tried to emulate that.
As a cautionary tale, I always remember Broken Arrow, the abominable swearfest where they couldn’t find a way to let Slater know his female leads name. He kept saying ‘that ranger’. Seriously, guess they were having such a dabadoo time swearing they forgot simple plot points like that. Unforgivable since it was the first pairing since Pump up the Volume.
So, I”m hoping I”ve created a bullet proof first scene but my reading group will be able to best judge.
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JUDITH ABINGDON
What I learned doing this assignment is: now is the time to fix my existing problems, missing scenes, build more interest, tie it together, and bring the theme throughout.
Four Act transformational structure:
In ACT 1
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Opening/Old Ways: Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue?
I think it shows the world she is living in, shows us her passion and her hesitancy in deviating from parental controls.
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Inciting Incident: How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey?
when she is found out for having people in the house particularly a black person, this makes her question her parents’ judgment and begins the breakdown of trust in the parent/ child relationship.
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Turning Point: How is this Turning Point a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?
Juliet is meeting more friends that think more alternatively. This grows her confidence, she knows she has to change her life now, not sure how, but each experience builds on this thought.
I need to write more scenes of discovery.
Act 2:
New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point?
Juliet sees her Mother has less time and interest in her and needs to do something, so she asks her Godmother to help her by letting her stay with her.
Plan in action: How does the protagonist take action on that plan?
Moving in with Inez she thinks life will be great now, but while she has a bit more freedom, there are complications with Ine’s sister and son that make it less than ideal.
Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey?
The break up with the love of her life and the altercations with the son, create big doubt in Juliet. She knows she is closer to an answer but she has more to learn.
Act 3:
React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things?
While she is having some great experiences, she feels she may be getting closer to finding real meaning in life. She tries a few more escapades but her heart is not in it, she wants real answers for her future.
New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict?
She decides she has to take control, advice is good, but she must take action and not just keep putting a bandaid on things.
Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way.
I don’t think I have made this clear
Act 4:
Dilemma: What emotional dilemma requires the protagonist to choose between two alternatives, losing something with either choice?
Juliet tries to make it work with family, but when she returns its more drama with Larry, so she goes to Mel for advice. Things need to change drastically.
Climax/Ultimate @xpression Of The Conflict: How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically?
Juliet has had enough of the hypocrisy and sees there is no reasoning with family and really needs to take charge of her life.
Resolution: How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion?
Feeling more confident and striking out on her own things fall into place and life is turning out better than she could have imagined.
New Ways: What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue?
She finds she was right to question things, she has gained confidence and she is finally happy. She is relaxed, doing things she likes, and making her own decisions.
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THIRTY DAY SCREENPLAY ASSIGNMENT # 25
James E. Clark:
What I learned from this assignment: It’s a long process that needs on going assessment even though this is a First Draft. I suppose I just need to write and not correct anything along the way.
ACT 1
OPENING
EXT. COMPANY HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Signage reads “Company A Seabee Training Facility, Port Hueneme, CA”
Beginning
Sailors are scrambling to be in the right place in formation and on time. Everyone is at attention. One lone sailor is five seconds late and has to work is way into his place.
Middle
Facing the Sailors is a diminutive Sr. Chief Carrie Waters. Five foot nuthin’ and a hundred pounds. She’s wearing immaculate Khaki’s with lots of ribbons including a Purple Heart.
CARRIE
Seaman Quincy front a center.
The late seaman comes forward and faces Carrie.
CARRIE
About face.
Seaman Quincy performs a clean about face.
CARRIE
Explain to your shipmates why you were late to formation.
QUINCY
I was in the restroom Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
Seconds count. If we were in combat you just risked the lives of your shipmates. DO YOU UNDERSTAND SEAMAN?
QUINCY
Yes Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
Apologize to your shipmates.
QUINCY
Shipmates, I apologize.
Quincy is embarrassed.
CARRIE
Quincy, fall in.
Quincy goes back to his location.
CARRIE (CON’T)
As a result of Quincy being late. You will all stand at attention until the Company Commander and the Master Chief arrive.
As if on cue, the Company Commander and the Master Chief come around the corner.
CARRIE (CON’T)
All present and accounted for Sir.
MASTER CHIEF
Any problems Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
No Master Chief. We are tight as a drum
Quincy relaxes his facial demeanor.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Beginning
Sr. Chief Waters is watching a Seaman struggle with the operation of a large earthmover.
Middle
With ease she scrambles up to the cab.
CARRIE
Hobart, who taught you how to operate this mover?
HOBART
You did Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
And when was your last class session.
`HOBART
Two days ago Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
Are you unable to retain information Hobart?
Hobart can’t look her in the eye and doesn’t respond
CARRIE
Seaman, do you plan on embarrassing your Sr. Chief this close to graduation day.
HOBART
No Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
Well then, walk me through the start up procedures.
TWI MINUTES LATER
Carrie is on the ground.
Hobart shifts a control. The earth mover begins to move forward.
INT. CHAPEL CONFERENCE ROOM – NIGHT
Beginning
Women are milling around chatting and drinking coffee or bottled water. Some are in uniform, some in civies. Carrie is in civies.
CARRIE
Okay ladies, grab Bible, your coffee and treats. Time to start.
Middle
PLACEMARKER
The are going through the story of Deborah in the Book of Judges. Carrie asks pointed questions of the participants to keep them engaged.
End
Bible study is over.
WOMAN 1
What do you want to do when you retire?
CARRIE
Assuming I make Master Chief, I’ve got seven more years left for a round thirty. After that, I want to visit all of the states I haven’t been to yet. Right now I’ve checked of thirty seven states.
INT. DOJO – NIGHT
Beginning
Carrie, 3<sup>rd</sup> degree Black Belt is teaching a class of kids ages 8-15. She pairs the kids up by age and size on the mat.
Middle
An 11-year-old boy gets too rambunctious and hurts a girl in the class.
CARRIE
Andrew, to the side and kneel. You will remain there until the end of class.
End
She confronts the boy by asking him how much he likes being at the Dojo. He loves it. She gives him a serious reprimand.
As the students leave the mat and pick up their belongings, Carrie approaches Andrew.
CARRIE
How long you been coming to class?
ANDREW
My fourth week.
CARRIE
And now you think you know it all. Do you like coming to class.
ANDREW
Yes sensei.
CARRIE
If I see that again, you’ll be out of class. And remember, I’m in Bible study with your Mom.
Andrew drops his head.
ANDREW
Yes sensei.
INCITING INCIDENT
INT. NAVY MEDICAL OFFICE – DAY
Beginning
Carrie sitting on the exam table. The physician is reading lab reports then looks at MRI results. Carrie studies him for any hints. None.
Middle
PHYSICIAN
Life isn’t always fair Sr. Chief. Pancreatic cancer is no respector of persons. Your in superb physical shape. You’ll probably be able to last longer than most. But, it could be anywhere from six months to two years.
End
EXT. FRONT OF MEDICAL CENTER – DAY
Carrie stands and stares into nothingness. Then starts to shake. Then SCREAMS. She turns and faces.
REAR ADMIRAL
Everything okay Sr. chief Waters?
CARRIE
Nothing I can’t resolve Admiral.
She salutes him. He salutes back and they part ways.
INT. BASE GYM – NIGHT
Carrie is wailing on the body bag. She gives it one final punch with a SCREAM.
She turns. Yup, the Admiral in sweats just finishing his workout.
REAR ADMIRAL
Chief?
Firmly.
CARRIE
All under control, Sir.
REAR ADMIRAL
Uh huh. I can see that.
INT. BATALLION COMMANDERSERS OFFICE
Beginning
Sr, Chief Waters enters the Commanders office dressed in Khakis. She stands at attention
CARRIE
Sr. Chief Waters reporting as ordered Sir.
CAPTAIN
At ease, Sr. Chief.
Carrie laces her hands behind her back and relaxes, slightly.
The Command Master Chief of the base is standing to the side of the Captains desk. He smiles at Carrie.
CAPTAIN (CON’T)
Thank you for coming in Sr. Chief.
CARRIE
Sir.
The Captain looks down then back up at Carrie and purses his lips.
CAPTAIN
We met with your physician earlier today.
Carrie looks from the Captain to the Command Master Chief and then back. She straightens her back and raises her head high.
CARRIE
Sir.
CAPTAIN
You must be aware of what’[s coming.
CARRIE
Yes Sir. No promotion to Master Chief and no thirty year career.
CAPTAIN
We’ve known each other since I was an Ensign and you were a recruit.
CARRIE
Yes Sir.
The Captain walks around the desk, take her hands into each of his.
CAPTAIN
I’m so sorry Carrie. I wish…
CARRIE
I know sir. It’s okay.
EXT. BASE HOUSING – DAY
Carrie turns to walk into her unit. She kicks over her flowers in front of her place and SCREAMS, just a s a Harley pulls up and stops. She looks. The helmet is taken off and there sits the Rear
Admiral. He gets off the bike and stops at her property line.REAR ADMIRAL
I spoke with your Captain today. I’m very sorry
Sr. Chief. I was looking forward to having you on my staff as Master Chief.CARRIE
That would have been nice Admiral.
They shake hands. She watches as he drives away. Then turns and cries.
REACTION TO INCITING INCIDENT
EXT. AUCTION SITE – DAY
Beginning
Carrie walks around checking out various school busses. She makes a notation on two of them. Her notes indicate how much she will bid.
Middle
The auctioneer is getting bids on her first choice. He calls out her top number.
AUCTIONEER
Twenty Two thousand.
Carrie raises her hand.
AUCTIONEER
I have twenty two do I hear twenty three?
No response. Carrie looks around the room.
CARRIE (VO)
I’ve got it.
MALE VOICE (VO)
Twenty two five.
Carrie scratches that one from her list.
LATER
The auctioneer is getting bids on her second choice. Her nots read eighteen thousand max.
AUCTIONEER
I’ve got fifteen six. Di I hear sixteen
Carrie raises her paddle.
AUCTIONEER
I’ve got sixteen. Do I hear seventeen?
No response.
AUCTIONEER
So I hear sixteen five?
No response.
AUCTIONEER
Sold to the lady in the Navy sweatshirt.
End
She drives it off the lot.
EXT. NAVY BASE MECHANIC SHOP – DAY
BEGINNING
Carrie is ripping the seats out of the bus. She’s angry, crying and forceful as she works.
CARRIE
Why? Why, God?
Middle
All the seats are out. She’s curled up in a ball on the floor of the bus crying.
CARRIE
I’ve loved you and followed you, I’ve given my life to you and now this .
Command Master Chief sticks his head in the door of the bus. He sees and hears Carrie. He comes inside the bus. He places his hand on her shoulder.
COMMAND MASTER CHIEF
Lord, give her the peace that surpasses all understanding. Give her joy in you.
Carrie sits up, wipes her eyes with her forearm and nods to him.
COMMAND MASTER CHIEF (CON’T)
Martha expects you for dinner this Sunday after church. Don’t make me have to order you, ‘cause I’ll never hear the end of it from her if you’re not there.
CARRIE
Aye, aye, Command Master Chief.
Carrie lifts the hood and starts taking note of what mechanical issues need to be resolved.
End
INT. CARRIE’S HOUSING – NIGHT
BEGINNING
Carrie has a map of the US. She’s coloring in all the states she has been to – total of 37. She pours herself a drink.
Middle
Carrie is on Youtube watching videos of RV life. She simultaneously is making a list of what she wants to see in the fourteen states she’s never seen. She’s now drinking straight from the bottle.
End
Carrie is passed out on her bed. Her cat is curled up next to her. The empty bottle is tipped over on the night stand.
EXT. NAVY BASE MECHANIC SHOP – NIGHT
Carrie is putting the final touches on her Bus. Functional but feminine.
INT. BUS – DAY
The Women’s Bible Study is having their last meeting with Carrie. They’re laughing and giggling.
CARRIE
So that’s it. I admit I drank myself into oblivion.
The women surround her letting her know how much she’s loved by them.
INT. DOJO – NIGHT
The kids surround Carrie giving her hugs which she returns. A little girl gives her a bouquet of daisies.
CARRIE
I’m so gonna miss you guys.
PLACE HOLDER ACT 2
PLACEHOLDER ACT 3
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30 Day Script – #25
Rae’s solved structural problems
What I got from this assignment was – I spent far too much time reading the entire script again. After this I checked the structure and it looked pretty tight.
I used my beats which helped somewhat – still very time consuming.
Act 1 through Act 3 were tightened up and now seem to be in good shape. Act 4 still needs work, plus a good ending with a few twist thrown in. This is what I am currently working on.
I am concerned that I am still a few days away from exchanging my script – I hope there will still be someone out there??
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