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Lesson 17
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SU Pro Rewrite Class Lesson 17 Key Scene Improvement
Connie’s Key Scene Improvements
What I learned from doing this exercise is…even though some of these scenes have been reworked multiple times, I find I can always improve them even more.
Opening scene:
I cut down the description introducing the protagonist, Daisy Duncan, and added more action to her entrance. We instantly see how important dance is to her and get a peek at her desire to find love.
Inciting Incident:
In Scene #8 Daisy gets a call from her longtime dance partner that he’s been transferred to Minnesota. Totally out of character, she pitches a childish tantrum out of frustration. I added more action and a hard No from Ned when she suggests ways for him to continue as her dance partner.
Act 1 Turning Point:
In Scene #11, Buck agrees with Daisy’s interfering dad to secretly become her dance partner in exchange for Frank boosting Buck’s sales by financing penis pumps for all the guys in the senior community. We see later what polar opposites Buck and Daisy are but he slyly eliminates the other possible partners. The deal locks Daisy into the deal but she doesn’t know it yet. I added some dialog to clarify the deal and some action on Buck’s part.
Midpoint:
Scene #44 Frank is drunk and reveals his deal with Buck to Daisy’s ex-husband, Randall who has aggressively been trying to win her back but this new information incenses him. He demands to know the man’s name. He yells embarrassing everyone at the bachelor party for Daisy’s daughter, Izzy’s future wife at a drag club and he will double his efforts to win Daisy back in the upcoming scenes. I added Randall yelling his demands to Frank, standing and pounding the table.
Act 2 Turning Point:
In Scene #85 we see Daisy at her darkest, lowest point, beyond depressed. Both Randall and Luci show up to check on her as neither has ever seen her so low. And another expected guest arrives at Daisy’s! I did tighten up some of the dialog here.
Climax:
In Scene #87 Vicki, a quasi-daughter of Buck’s shows up to reveal what really happened to buck and why he did not show up at the big dance competition. Vicki shares more about Buck’s true character. I ramped up Daisy’s negative dialog and action showing she d/n want anything to do with Buck,
Resolution:
Scene #90 shows Daisy and Buck as a couple at the library’s annual Holiday party where they flirt, dance, kiss, laugh, and he proposes. They have both found their soulmates and all is right with the world.
Final Scene:
I do love a romantic happy ending. A wedding ceremony beneath the Eiffel Tower in Paris with her loved ones present couldn’t be any better for Daisy! Buck’s final line as they dance after the claret pronounces them husband and wife sum it up, “Let’s keep dancing together for the rest of our lives!” They both won the love lottery and found their unexpected lifetime dance partner.
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Subject: Monica’s Key Scene Improvements
What I learned doing this assignment is there is always room for improvement.
1. Go to each structure point and make sure it honors its purpose and highlights the most important dramatic experience.
Opening
Inciting Incident
Act 1 Turning Point
Midpoint – Brainstorm a stronger mid-point.
Act 2 Turning Point
Climax
Resolution
Final Scene – This is very emotional but I think it could be stronger still.
2. Go to each Reveal and make sure each of these is as strong as possible.
There’s a couple of reveals that could be stronger – so I’ll rewrite those.
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Jacqueline’s scene improvements
What I learned doing this assignment is to make changed in the outline before changing the script – it saves so much time and ensures I know which story I’m telling.
The most valuable improvement I made using this process is to change the reason the protagonist has to go to New York. By forcing her to go rather than allowing her to choose top go it increases the stakes in the story.
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Subject: Pat’s Key Scene Improvements
What I learned doing this assignment is it is important to make changes to the outline to keep story on track.
Structure
Opening Could use some work
Inciting Incident Good
Act I Turning Point Good
Mid Point Possible to be better
Act 2 Turning Point Possible to be better
Climax Good
Resolution Good
Finish May make a change
Reveals – Need work
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[Pro-Rewrite] Lesson 17 Assignment Robert Daniel’s – Key Scene Improvements
What I learned doing this assignment is that there is always room for improvement.
I will work on the final rewrite at the end of the lessons. Thanks
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