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Week 3 Day 1: Suspense — JAWS
1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing perspective.
2. Read the other writers comments and make notes of how you will build suspense into your script.
3. Rethink or create a Suspense scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite the scene.
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9 Replies
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Week 3 Day 1: Suspense — JAWS
Before the provocation the three sailors get in position.Then Hooper started to chum the waters with bloody,foul smelling fish.His temper lead to frustration and distracted that made him vulnerable to the shark.Moments later the massive shark appeared and swam very close to the boat.Hooper freaked and became dazed,but soon perked up,and told the captain inside the tiny cabin.The captain took a few steps to the front of the boat to see for himself.The movements of the waters soon exposed the shark.As it swam towards the boat.The captain quickly ordered the other salior to shut down the engines.This is the main confrontation of the scene.The sailor turned off the engines then climbed above to get a birdseye view of the situation,and when he saw the shark he went to the deck and yelled a twenty footer,but was quickly corrected by the captain as a twenty-five footer.This is the set-up for the climax.The excitement began as Hooper and the other character argue in disaray at the front of the boat.The captain put his plan in motion as the massive creature kept circling around the boat.the captain went inside the cabin to prepare the industrial strength spear gun to kill the shark,but was interrupted with a C.B. communication.As he started chatting away the threat of the shark grew stronger,and he became more distracted and withdrew further as started to lie.The other two sailors evacuated the front of the boat by walking down on a slight ledge by the side of the boat. The captain finished the call and loaded the spear gun and went to the front of the boat to confront the massive shark.As soon as they located the shark the captain ordered hooper to attach the end of the rope on the spear tip to a stacked column of heavy barrels.This is the exit hook.The shark exposed himself and the captain shot it and connected.the rope extended and released one of the heavy barrel at the end of the rope.The wounded shark disappeared in the water.
The excitement of the action made this scene emotional tense and suspenseful.From the moment they chummed the waters to attract the three ton shark it was filled with excitment from the raised questions.What will happen next? Will there be a accident and add another victim? Will the characters lose focus and become vulnerable to a surprise attack?Will the captain’s plan work? Will the little boat be able to take a hit from the three ton shark? I thought the scene was good because of the division among the characters to cause distractions ,uncertainty,vulnerabilities,and tense moments waiting for the response.This make them all vulnerable to a attack.The pay off could be the premise that a group of hunters set to find the killer shark that claimed two bodies,and no end in sight.Just wounded the creature.
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The noble quest to avenge the death of two people by the antagonist shark leads to the protagonist putting his own life and that of his fellow fishermen at risk.
The suspense set up is the initial and ominous appearance and rapid disappearance of the wounded shark. It causes us to worry that the 25-foot-long, two-ton shark will return in an even more dangerous fashion, killing the protagonist and his comrades whose small boat provides little protection.
The suspense is drawn out by the shark not being sighted again right away, while the protagonist and his fellow fishermen acknowledge they’ll need a bigger boat, but proceed to make hasty plans to kill and haul the shark onto their small boat.
The suspense is increased as they prepare to kill the shark and we begin to wonder how on Earth are they not only going kill that monstrous thing with their limited capabilities but also hoist the shark’s massive body onto their flimsy vessel.
The payoff at the end is when they finally launch the heavy barrel, giving us hope that they just might pull everything off after all.
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Week 3 Day 1: Suspense – Jaws
JAWS — “You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat.”
Suspense happens when the writer promises some consequence and then delays the delivery. The audience wonders and worries about the outcome.
SETUP: The shark has been feeding at the beach of this resort town. So far, it has killed two kids. Sheriff Brody hired Captain Quinn to chase the shark out to sea and kill it. But the problem is that the shark is now hunting the hunters!
IMPORTANT: Don’t get distracted by the music. While the music helps, the suspense of this scene is written in the script. Look for the writing decisions.
Basic Scene Components:
· Scene Arc:
Ramping up of action, payoffs, resulting in full suspense and waiting again.
1. Low action of waiting and watching for the shark.
2. Medium action of chumming and moving the boat drawing the shark.
3. High action of getting things ready, shooting, and tracking the shark with the boat.
4. Low action of waiting and watching for the shark.
· Situation:
Three men of varied ocean expertise, and a small fishing boat, in the middle of the Ocean, hunting a 25-plus foot shark weighing 3-plus ton shark.
· Conflict:
The wit, physical and mental endurance, of the three men, against the wit, physical, and mental endurance of the shark.
· Entertainment Value:
Continual entertainment provides actions and reactions in real time.
· Moving the Story Forward:
The pace of the action is set by the actions of the shark. By spotting the shark the story moves forward in specific actions taken to contain and/or kill the shark. As the shark disappears, the story’s movement slows with the actions of waiting, watching and sparce dialogue.
· Setups:
The scene sets up the current scene and scenes to come. Waiting, watching, and preparing for the shark become an omen of things to come.
Payoffs:
The waiting in the beginning paid off at the beginning of the scene when the shark showed up, also giving prediction for a suspense of the second payoff of the waiting at the end of the scene, because they know the shark will be back.
What makes this scene great?
The great writing that combines the cycling waiting with action, the lack of dialogue when the men are waiting, the short urgent, precise verbiage with slow purposeful movements during the high action.
What sets up the suspense and causes us to worry?
The prolonged periods of waiting.
The slow swimming of the shark to the rear of the boat.
Waiting for what the shark will do when it gets to the boat.
The delay of shooting the shark with Mrs. Brody calls.
The delay of hooking up the shark gun when Chief Martin Brady goes to get a tracking device.
The chasing the Air container while chasing the shark until it disappeared.
How is the suspense drawn out?
Purposeful slow movements in time of danger.
Short, quick paced, calm dialogue in times of danger.
Periods of uncertainty and waiting.
What increases the suspense?
· Not knowing: Not having all the information.
· Waiting: for something to happen.
· Fumbling: foot off the railing, getting the tracking device, tying the rope.
What is the payoff in the end?
The scene’s progress has loaded the scene’s ending with a taste of what is yet to come and gives you time to think about it so you can worry, wonder, and grow the consequences of danger while you are thrust into the next scene.
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Building suspense is one of the best thing about this scene. We the audience know that eventually the shark, or the captain has to win. In the script we feel like we’re finally going to get to that moment. The captain and his friends are on the boat trying to capture the shark. The suspense of the shark heading towards the boat leaving a clear shot for the captain, but he can’t make the shot because it takes his friend a second too late to tie the barrel. Instead the captain shoots the shark in the fin, and now the suspense prolongs as everyone waits to see Jaws again.
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shark fins in the water is pretty much a metaphor for suspense. add relevant music. add a closeup of shoes slipping and nearly falling from a boat ledge. add a ticking clock of the action with the barrels. the dialogue “we’re gonna need a bigger boat’ underscoring the stakes. All of these elements are about tension: the push pull of what you want to happen versus what you fear will happen…getting away unscathed versus being eaten by a great white shark. I can use this technique in any of the scenes in the thriller I’m writing. Editing is another component that filmmakers use to augment the tension/expense and this can be done on the page and not just in the editing room (or software0.
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What I learned was how to draw out the scene to make it successful. Every action mattered in this scene. There isn’t room for any unnecessary suspense unless it moves the story forward. What made this scene great is you never really know when the shark is going to attack. You don’t even know where is going to come from. We know the huge shark is going to attack soon and they don’t have much time. The radio call stops him from getting his weapon sooner. The guy is having trouble with the barrel and the rope. It’s realistic! If you’re nervous about a shark, then, you would fumble around. I also learned that the character doesn’t always have to be smooth, unless it’s an important characteristic of theirs.
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The scene is filled with tension and danger – with a build between the growing danger of the shark and the growing tension of the men dealing with it. The fact that it has not reappeared lends further suspense.
I’ve rewritten my climactic, third act scene to enhance the audience expectations vs how nobly my protagonist will eventually react – despite his strong, passionate desire for revenge.
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Week 3, Day 1 – Jaws
Scene arc: This is the classic “protagonist sees the monster for the first time” reveal scene. They move from hunting for the shark, to seeing the shark, to hunting the shark and appearing to gain the upper hand, to the shark eluding them.
Situation: Brody, Quint and Hooper see the shark and shoot him with a marker buoy, but the shark apparently escapes.
Conflict: Man vs. nature (shark). There is also conflict between Chief Brody, who has no experience on the ocean (he’s afraid of water), fishing, or how to pilot a boat when he’s asked to drive.
Entertainment value: Very tense when the protagonists first see the shark and then race from front to back to put a spear in it.
Moving the story forward: We see how big this shark is and we fear Brody is right that they are not up to the task.
Setup/payoffs: Setup – boat is not big enough to catch the shark. Payoff – this is the “protagonists see the monster for the first time” scene and we see how big it really is.
What makes this scene great? “We’re going to need a bigger boat.” (Greatest one-liner of “we’re not up to the job” of all time)
What sets up the suspense and causes us to worry? The shark is enormous, 25 feet long. As the three crew members work their way from the back of the boat to the stern, they have to navigate a narrow walkway and could slip into the water (and get eaten!) at any moment. This shark is big enough to seriously damage the boat if it desires.
How is the suspense drawn out? As the three crew members make their way from front to back, their sneakers slip a bit. Will they fall in? And as the shark swims back towards the boat, will he ram it? And towards the end, while Quint is relaxing in the
What increases the suspense? During the first reveal, we catch a glimpse of just how big the shark’s jaws are. He could bite the back of the boat off if he chooses.
What is the payoff in the end? The shark wins … he takes their buoy and swims away.
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Week 3 Day 1: Suspense — JAWS
Suspense happens when the writer promises some consequence and then delays the delivery. The audience wonders and worries about the final outcome.
Please watch this scene and provide your insights into what makes this scene great from a writing perspective.
We know they’re after a man-eating shark. So, it looks like this is just another shark fishing expedition. No real concern from anyone. Some bantering from Quinn to Brody and Hooper. Neither like being ordered around. With indignation, Brody finally starts throwing the chum in the water. Startled by the appearance of the mammoth shark, Brody is in shock saying nothing until reaching Quinn. His first words, “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” causing Quinn to investigate. Everyone including the audience is taken aback by the enormity of the beast and new tactics need to be used. Quinn goes below and brings up a case with spear like devices and an unusual rifle and quickly starts assembling it. Hooper and Brody head to the front and almost slip off the boat. We know that if anyone falls in the water, they’re done.
While all this is going on, a radio call from Brody’s wife. Quinn responds that everything’s fine, just catching a few fish. Why? We begin to see this has become a personal vendetta for Quinn that he intends to win.
Else ware, we see Hooper and a scared shitless Brody bantering about getting a photo of the shark. Fully loaded, Quinn prepares to shoot the shark, but he needs Hooper to connect the rope to the spear. With dusk approaching, Hooper decides to get a tracking device from the cabin which will do no good if the rope isn’t connected to the barrel. With the shark quickly approaching, time is running out. Hooper races to the barrels, but will he have time to connect the rope? As the shark passes by, Hooper struggles to connect the rope. Quinn yells at him to hurry. All the while Brody frantically yells to shoot the shark, both creating heightened tension. At the last second, Hooper connects the rope and Quinn shoots it. Bullseye. The shark now is dragging a barrel.
Quinn is relieved, assured that the barrel will be the demise of the enormous beast. They chase after the barrel. But the barrel doesn’t slow down the shark. Rather, the barrel disappears into the depths leaving everyone bewildered.
3. Rethink or create a Suspense scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite the scene. Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?” and post it in the forums.
SETUP: The shark has been feeding at the beach of this resort town. So far, it has killed two kids. Sheriff Brody hired Quinn to chase the shark out to sea and kill it. But the problem is that the shark now seems to be hunting the hunters!
IMPORTANT: Don’t get distracted by the music. While the music helps, the suspense of this scene is written in the script. Look for the writing decisions.
JAWS — You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat
Watch 1st for:· Basic scene components — Scene arc – When the monstrous shark appears, situation – fisherman hunting a shark; conflict – fisherman hunting shark versus shark hunting fisherman; entertainment value – unexpected mammoth shark, shock at first sight, interesting and funny bantering between the 3 characters, seeing the shark become the hunter, the shark is not fazed by the barrel it is dragging; moving the story forward – fisherman hunts for the shark, shark hunts the fisherman, with a radio call from Brody’s wife we realize that Quinn is going to see this to the end: Setup/payoffs – put out chum, Shark comes to boat: Your gonna need a bigger boat, Quinn intends to make due; Shark comes at them several times, shark becomes the hunter; They hook the barrel to the shark to slow it down, no impact.
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