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Lesson 13
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Karin Armbrust Max Interest 2
LOGLINE: Daniel and Barbara meet for the first time.
ESSENCE: Daniel comes under Barbara’s dominion. We see the future.
Interest Techniques used: Hook, (a slight) Dilemma, Predictions, Something Unseen, Anticipatory Dialogue, Uncomfortable Moment.
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EXT. LITTLE GIRL’S ROOM – DAY
Pink! Pink everywhere. Dolls lined up like soldiers on a tall bookcase. Bed frilly and made precisely. The door is covered with a child’s artwork. At a table set for tea sits YOUNG BARBARA, four years old, wearing a silly white hat. She hears something at the door and goes to listen.
VOICE (O.S.)
It’s time for you to be a man. Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about. (a beat) That’s better. I’ll be back.
Young Barbara runs back to the table and sits down.
The door opens and YOUNG DANIEL stands in the doorway. We see a figure in shadows behind him. Young Daniel looks at all the pink in horror, turns around and tries to run. He gets pushed into the room.
VOICE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
You better behave.
Young Daniel comes into the room, hestitantly.
YOUNG BARBARA
Want to play tea party?
Daniel sits down. Barbara pours ‘tea’ into the two china cups while trying to keep the oversized white hat on her head, the feather getting in her face. Tea poured, they both drink.
YOUNG BARBARA (CONT’D)
You want sugar with your tea?
Young Barbara spoons out a square of Playdoh ‘sugar’ and puts it in her cup.
YOUNG DANIEL
The tea is good I don’t need sugar.
Young Barbara puts the ‘sugar’ in his cup anyway and adds water. Young Daniel picks up his cup and looks at the sugar.
YOUNG DANIEL (CONT’D)
But I said…
YOUNG BARBARA
Aren’t you going to drink it?
Daniel looks at the Playdoh floating in the cup and under Barbara’s watchful eye, takes a little sip. He accidentally swallows a nugget and coughs. Daniel jumps up and runs to the bathroom.
Barbara happily arranges the table. She goes to the bathroom door and listens a moment.
YOUNG BARBARA (CONT’D)
(shouting)
We can play wife and husband next!
She listens more.
YOUNG BARBARA (CONT’D)
Are you coming out of there!
The door slowly opens and Young Daniel peeks out. Young Barbara pushes the door open, takes his hand and drags him out of the bathroom. She ties a tie like a shoelace around his neck and puts a hat on his head.
YOUNG BARBARA (CONT’D)
You’re the best husband ever!
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What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that there are so many more options that I can use when writing a scene. I didn’t even get into the first set of interest techniques for this one. There was plenty here!
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R Whitney Lesson 13
Logline: Tribune Marseilles orders Centurion Lucius to infiltrate rebel strongholds and to learn more about the reasons they rebel.
Essence: Marseilles sends Lucius on a mission that will change the way he sees these conquered people.
INT. MARSEILLES’S ROOM – SEVERAL DAYS LATER
Marseilles stands at the balcony as Lucius enters the chamber and salutes.
LUCIUS
You called for me, Tribune?
MARSEILLES
I did. The people here desecrate Rome. They remove the symbols of or great Emperor Tiberius. Do you know why they do this?
LUCIUS
No sir, I don’t but I haven’t had a lot of contact with these people.
MARSEILLES
Resentment towards Rome maybe? Anger? What ever it is, there’s no gratitude for what we bring to them.
LUCIUS
These people are somehow different from others we have conquered. Since I have been here, I hear people that want to be free to govern themselves, worship their God.
MARSEILLES
(barks out)
Freedom? You surprise me Centurion. What difference is there in one of their Kings verses our Roman Emperor.
He moves into the chamber.
MARSEILLES
I hear of these so called holy men wandering the countryside preaching peace but making war.
LUCIUS
I’ve heard this too, Tribune.
MARSEILLES
It’s sedition. What we need is two squads stationed in Capernaum to flush out these insurgent strongholds.
LUCIUS
I will see to it at once, sir.
He salutes and begins to move.
MARSEILLES
Wait Lucius.
He stops and turns.
MARSEILLES
I want you to lead one of the squads. I want you to find out more about these people that would make them so resentful towards Rome.
LUCIUS
You wish for me to infiltrate these rebels?
MARSEILLES
Who better can I trust. Find out why these people desecrate Rome and then we can change their ideas.
He pauses and he moves to sit.
MARSEILLES
This order come directly from Governor Pilate.
LUCIUS
Yes, sir.
He moves towards the balcony.
MARSEILLES
The Governor believes Herod is a worthless leader. He doesn’t trust any of them to keep the peace and neither do I.
Lucius thinks.
LUCIUS
With me gone, sir, who will be your bodyguard?
MARSEILLES
Don’t worry so Lucius. Here in the palace, I’m safe. Fear not. When you have completed your mission, you will return to my side. I wish no other.
He pauses then salutes and leaves.
What I learned: This is an important scene as it’s a flex point that sends Lucius on his journey to change. I added more uncomfort in their exchange as it shows Lucius is “thinking” outside his solder way for a first time as it points to a possible different future.
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William Whelan – Max Interest Techniques Part 2
Logline: Betty and Lance discuss their relationship while hanging out at the swimming hole.
Essence: Betty wants to know if she has a future with Lance.
Max Interest Techniques’ –
1.) Hook – what is the future of Betty’s and Lances’ relationship.
2.) Dilemma – Betty is unsure where she stands with Lance.
3.) Predictions – Betty tells Lance she wants him to visit her at Carnegie-Mellon.
4.) Something unseen – Betty is blind to the fact that Lance is gay and has no intentions of having a serious relationship with her.
5.) Mystery – what will happen to the relationship when Betty finds out Lance is gay.
6.) Creating a future – the audience will realize that Lance is gay and will anticipate how the relationship will resolve itself.
7.) Anticipatory dialogue – the dialogue will be ambiguous and be open to multiple interpretations.
8.) Cliffhanger – when will Betty discover that Lance is gay.
9.) Uncomfortable moment – Betty and Lance kiss.
What I’ve learned to improve my writing is to use the additional nine interest techniques to make my writing more interesting and dynamic.
EXT. SWIMMING HOLE – DAY
Betty and Lance frolic in the swimming hole. Lance pretends he is a shark and chases Betty around the swimming hole while mimicking the music from Jaws.
LANCE
Shark attack!
BETTY
There are no sharks in Vermont.
LANCE
I am swimming hole Sharknado!
BETTY
Help! Help!
Lance finally catches and pretends to attack her.
LANCE
Gotcha!
They both laugh.
BETTY
Please Mr. Sharknado don’t eat me! I’ll do anything you want.
LANCE
Anything! I’m taking you to the Shark Cave!
Lance picks her up and carries Betty out of the water and up a large rock where their towels and water bottles are waiting. Lance and Betty both pant from the exertion.
LANCE
Wow: Being a shark is exhausting.
BETTY
And being the prey isn’t easier either.
LANCE
I need a drink.
BETTY
Same here,
They both sit, pick up their water bottles, and take a drink while starting to towel off. Betty leans back on her elbows taking in the sun.
BETTY
I can’t believe the summer is almost over.
LANCE
And you haven’t gone skinny dipping yet. I thought you said that was on your to do list.
BETTY
How do you know I haven’t? Maybe I snuck out at night and did it when no one else was around.
LANCE
Not bloody likely! I know you. You’re afraid to walk through the woods at night because of the lions and tigers and bears!
BETTY
OH MY!
They both laugh.
BETTY
I guess I’ll have to move that to my to do list for next summer. (pause) Do you think you will be back next summer?
LANCE
No idea. That’s too far away for me to even think about it right now?
BETTY
How about visiting me at Carnegie-Mellon? Is that too far in the future to think about now?
LANCE
No, that’s probably doable.
BETTY
You don’t seem very enthusiastic about coming to see me at school.
LANCE
To be honest, I haven’t given it much thought. I’m enrolled to take some acting classes when I get back to New York City. And who knows? Maybe I’ll get lucky and land an acting job — I don’t want to make any firm commitments right now.
BETTY
So, this is just a summer fling?
LANCE
Of course not, I really like you — it’s just there are other things that need to be considered.
BETTY
I’m too young for you — is that it?
LANCE
No, if anything I’m too old for you — I’m twenty-five.
BETTY
I don’t have a problem with your age.
LANCE
I promise you I will visit you this semester — I just can’t give a firm time frame.
BETTY
Okay — can I have a kiss?
LANCE
(hesitantly)
Sure.
Lance leans over and awkwardly kisses Betty on the lips. He breaks off the kiss abruptly to Betty’s chagrin.
LANCE
I think we better get back — we don’t want to be late for lunch.
Lance stands and helps Betty up.
BETTY
I think I’m falling in love with you.
LANCE
Don’t say that — it’s probably just a summer infatuation.
BETTY
You’re patronizing me — you do think I’m too young.
LANCE
C’mon Betty let’s not quarrel — it’s our last week together.
BETTY
Okay, can we hold hands on the way back to the house?
LANCE
Sure, let’s go.
Betty and Lance head back to the farmhouse.
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