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Lesson 11
Reply to post your assignment.
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4 Replies
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Barbara Original:
DESCRIPTION: A previously career woman who is now a stay home wife.
TRAITS: Loyal, giving, tenacious, crazy.
SUBTEXT: She needs Daniel to be successful in order to validate her decision to stay at home.
Barbara Redone:
DESCRIPTION: A previously career woman who is now a stay home wife.
TRAITS: Giving, tenacious, aggressive, delusional.
SUBTEXT: She needs Daniel to be successful in order to validate her decision to stay at home.
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Daniel Original:
DESCRIPTION: A man who just wants to live a relaxed life and give Barbara what she wants.
TRAITS: Passive, loving, giving, naïve.
SUBTEXT: He’s trying to get out of advancing in his career.
Daniel Redone:
DESCRIPTION: A man who does everything he can to live a simple life
TRAITS: Passive, loving, lazy, naïve.
SUBTEXT: He’s been accommodating to Barbara for too long, he needs to take his life back.
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Nick Original:
DESCRIPTION: A cut-throat salesman who will do anything to be on top.
TRAITS: Conniving, gregarious, aggressive, smooth.
SUBTEXT: Nick needs to be surrounded by those who worship him.
Nick Redone:
DESCRIPTION: A cut-throat salesman who will do anything to be on top.
TRAITS: Smooth, conniving, gregarious, frightened.
SUBTEXT: Nick believes his job is in jeopardy and that Daniel is trying to take it from him.
What I learned is that by playing with the traits and subtext, I can cause even more trouble for my characters and give their actions depth.
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William Whelan – Assignment #11
Betty Anderson –
Current: Betty is a high school senior who is slated to attend Carnegie-Mellon University and fulfill her father’s wish to be a research scientist.
Core traits: Loyal, secretive, low-self-esteem, rebellious.
Sub-text: Betty wishes to become a singer/songwriter.
Revised: Betty will rebel against her domineering father and spend the summer at her Grandfather’s Artist retreat to become a singer/songwriter.
Jim Anderson –
Current: Jim is a patent attorney who wants his daughter to be a research scientist — a dream he was unable to achieve.
Core traits: Confident, manipulative, controlling, distrustful.
Sub-text: Jim mistakes tough love for caring.
Revised: Jim learns to be less controlling and give Betty the space to pursue her dreams and not his.
Will Anderson –
Current: A 70’s something playwright who runs an Artist retreat to help wanna-be artists pursue their dreams.
Core traits: Gregarious, needy, conspiring, generous.
Sub-text: Will wants to give young people the opportunity to pursue the Arts which he did not have growing up.
Revised: Will realizes that for Betty to pursue her dreams he must also have a reproachment with his son Jim.
What I have learned that is improving my writing is that the use of traits to make my characters more interesting and dynamic.
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R. Whitney Lesson 11
Robert Barton (Bart) Initial
Description: Bart is a young man drifter who seeks solitude.
Characteristics: Secretive, Introverted, Honest, Caring
Subtext: Bart merely wants to be left alone
Redo of Bart
Description: Bart is a drifter who seeks solitude but grows distrustful of people.
Characteristics: Secretive, Paranoid, Caring, Courageous
Subtext: Bart is a drifter drawn to places by something he can’t explain.
Steve Shaw Initial
Description: Shaw is near 30 and is an ex-military trainer Sergeant who looks for something important to do with life.
Characteristics: Athletic, hard, loner, mechanical
Subtext: Shaw looks for some direction in his life after leaving the service.
Redo of Shaw
Description: Shaw near 30 ex-military sergeant has little to do in his life.
Characteristics: Athletic, volatile, loner, mechanical
Subtext: Shaw looks to do something with his life but his volatile nature and his desire to be a loner holds him back from achieving his goal.
Mark Initial
Description: Mark is a murderous Roman Centurion in his 20’s.
Characteristics: Murderous, Aggressive, Battle weary, Sense of Justice.
Subtext: Mark only knows the life as a Roman Centurion.
Redo of Mark
Description: Mark is a Roman Centurion that has only known his life as a solder.
Characteristics: Aggressive, Justice, Cares for his men, volatile
Subtext: Mark who has only known a solders life looks for more.
What I learned: By adding or changing characteristics can give immediate drama both with internal struggles and with other character struggles.
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Jeff Cochran’s Full-out Characters
Then ANSWER THE QUESTION “What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that pushing the limits of character’s traits can ramp up the drama in my scripts.”
BEGINNING PROFILES:
————–RAY’S PROFILE———————-
DESCRIPTION: RAY is a young engineer’s assistant in the Marine corp who’s only desire is to use his hands and build things.
TRAITS: kind, understanding, tough, giving
SUBTEXT: Ray just goes along with the flow of military life mimicking how he grew up with a strict father and a loving mother.
————–END PROFILE————————
————–KESLEY’S PROFILE———————-
DESCRIPTION: KESLEY’s a young woman living in a post-apocalyptic world who’s only goal is to survive with her with brother and gramps.
TRAITS: Smart, selfless, caring, survivor
SUBTEXT: Kelsey meets Ray in the desert with his weapons and technological marvels and decides he’d be their best bet to survive.
————–END PROFILE————————
————–WELSEY’S PROFILE———————-
DESCRIPTION: WESLEY’S a good old Montana ranch boy raised in a dog-eat-dog world without any respect for women.
TRAITS: Ignorant, Selfish, Brutish, Disrespectful
SUBTEXT: Wesley just wants everyone to get out his way and let him do whatever he wants.
————–END PROFILE————————
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
ENDING PROFILES:
————–RAY’S PROFILE 2———————-
DESCRIPTION: RAY is a young Marine and engineer’s assistant who carries a deep anger and resentment for arrogant men like his father who drove his mother to an early grave.
TRAITS: Kind, understanding, impatient, tough
SUBTEXT: Ray joined the military to escape the oppressive life he had at home that nearly led him to killing his father after his mother’s funeral.
————–END PROFILE————————
————–KELSEY’S PROFILE 2———————-
DESCRIPTION: KESLEY was raised in a post-apocalyptic world to survive with her family, and she cares for nothing or nobody else.
TRAITS: Tough, selfless regarding her family, smart, ruthless
SUBTEXT: Kelsey’s only motivation is the survival of her family, until she meets Ray and sees a way to a better life, eventually his kindness causes her to let down her guard and fall in love.
————–END PROFILE————————
————–WESLEY’S PROFILE 2———————-
DESCRIPTION: WESLEY’S a dumb Montana ranch boy who sees his position in the Military as a privilege to take whatever and whoever he wants.
TRAITS: Ignorant, Selfish, Brutish, Violent
SUBTEXT: Wesley’s believes if he wants it he should be able to take it, and when his commanding officer dies, he believes he should take command, along with the privileges that come with command, as in the beautiful young girl curtly sleeping with Ray.
————–END PROFILE————————
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