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Lesson 14
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Connie Hood: Lesson 14
After discussion of the action scene I’d written, I decided to cut a violent action and replace it with tension that will build the larger conflicts. The relationships are tested, the supporting character (bank teller) undergoes a big change (abetting multiple crimes.) Intrigue will be built for the main character. The danger is now imminent for the supporting character and the main character. As a reader, viewer I strongly prefer more plot, less violence. Too often I turn off excessive gunplay “They don’t know how to end their story, do they?”
BANK TELLER (Scene 2A, rising action)
INT. BANK
Borko’s third big cash deposit. Teller is a friendly, helpful “Joe.”
Deposit 1 – Bank teller/ manager went to the back to brag to the calculators. (women)
Deposit 2 – Bank teller chats with Borko – about circus revenues, wow – had no idea circuses brought in that kind of money –
Borko: OF course we make our big money from the concessions – not the .25 tickets. How is the accounting done?
Teller: There’s pretty girls in the back, calculators. We men handle the big accounts, the businesses. Blabbing about big farms… some beauties near the river.
Deposit 3 – Teller greets Borko – comments on the roadster – love to have a car some day
Borko offers to “introduce him to people”. It’s possible to buy a car “on time.”
Teller drops third deposit in office, and brags that he is going to have dinner with the big new client.
INT. BLIND PIG
Blind Pig
B. picks up T. in Roadster. They visit a “Blind Pig” “a private club” near the river. Oh no, it’s not illegal to drink liquor – just to sell it. Free dinner, wine.
Purple Gang “ businessmen” in place. Izzy, Joe – the Fleischer brothers (butcher)
Conversation about cars –Chevy, Ford – Cadillac – all local, we make them here. Or Packard – Made in Indiana but “ we’ve got connections”
Borko suggests that the teller might want to work with him in his “transportation business.”
“Oh no – I enjoy a drink, but if I started selling ….
Everyone in town knows me because I work at the bank…all the important clients.
Married? No.
INT. RIVER WAREHOUSE
After dinner Borko invites him to “come look at some cars” takes him down to a warehouse at the river. There are a couple cars, Model T, something used, affordable. (Deception, trap) One of the cars is shot up, another has the hood open. Tools out everywhere.
Two young boys (12-13) are cleaning up the cars – their late night job is cleaning up the circus –
“So you’re confirmed bachelor but…
Boys come over to the bank teller. So mister, we can help you pick out a car…
(The cars are hot. Kids are changing license plates.)
Borko has compromised the banker – illicit dealings. He owns the banker. The Purple Gang owns him.
INT BANK
Clara is suspicious about this size of these cash deposits. Her dad is a tax auditor. The teller’s books are off, how did dinner with Borko go? Knowingly sets herself up for risk.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Connie Hood.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by
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