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Lesson 8
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Dawn Greenfield’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is my antagonist needs more scenes that I have not worked out yet. The whole situation is a challenge for Jack.
All these scenes are placeholders.
INT: BIG NOSE SAMS MEETING ROOM – NIGHT
Big Nose Sam assigns Jack to work over Tony Maloney for a discretion.
EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT
Jack beats Tony Maloney to within an inch of his life.
INT: JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jack is passed out cold in his pigsty apartment. The front door is plated with thick steel rippled with indents.
A polite knock on the door changes to pounding.
Jack wakes, grabs his Ruger GP 100 handgun and fires at the front door.
Screams and wails of a baby O.S.
INT. CONTINUOUS – DAY
Jack staggers to the door, yanks it open, gun pointed to potential intruder.
INT./EXT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: Woman stands outside holding 6-month-old baby. Delivers the bad news to Jack that his sister died. He’s in charge of his niece.
INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY
Trash and garbage everywhere. Jack discovers babies shove things in their mouths. Everything is moved off the floor to surfaces/tables/counters.
Jack explores contents of the bag: diapers, bottles, clothes, toys, paperwork. He sets paperwork aside.
Elsie screams – she’s hungry. Jack doesn’t have a clue what to do.
Discovers Elsie can’t sit in a chair safely. Jack has Elsie sitting on a couple of books tied to a chair with electric cord.
Jack fixes a bowl of cereal and gives it to Elsie. She whacks it all over the place.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Jack has Elsie buckled in the passenger seat. Tells her he has a meeting with the boss.
INT. BIG NOSE SAM’S MEETING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack enters with Elsie. Big Nose Sam wants to know WTF.
BNS opens door and calls out to his wife. She takes Elsie.
BNS wants to know how Jack is going to get things done with a kid in tow.
Jack is adamant he can keep working.
BNS gives Jack an assignment.
EXT. BAR IN BAD NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
A woman stands beside Jack’s car on the phone. Elsie screams from the front seat.
Cops arrive. They get the door opened and take Elsie into custody.
LATER
Jack returns to his car to find Elsie gone. He totally freaks out.
Bar patrons tell him the cops took the kid.
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Jack enters the police station. They know exactly who he is. He asks about his niece. Discovers she’s with Child Protective Services.
INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jack paces while talking to CPS on the phone. He’s told he’ll have to go to court to get her back.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
ANTAGONIST SHOWS UP
The judge is not impressed with Jack. He assigns Mrs. Fernhold, a social worker, to Jack/Elsie’s case.
Jack gets temporary custody. Is reunited with Elsie. A tender moment.
INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY
ONE WEEK LATER
ANTAGONIST
Mrs. Fernhold shows up at Jack’s apartment. She pushes her way into the apartment when he answers the door.
Elsie sits on the kitchen floor with a pan and a wooden spoon, banging away.
Mrs. Fernholder inspects the apartment. She notices there is no baby furniture or the typical necessities associated with a baby: highchair, playpen, crib, changing table. Next, she sees the gun and booze on the bedside table. She goes off at Jack threatening to call the police.
She moves to the kitchen. The sink is filled with filthy dishes which carry over to the counter, table and all surfaces.
Mrs. Fernhold fills in a form. She hands the pink copy to Jack. He has 10-days to get the place in order, get the baby necessities, get the gun secured, or the state will step in and take Elsie.
Jack slams the door after Mrs. Fernholder leaves.
INT. STORE – DAY
Jack buys a baby backpack so he can easily take Elsie with him. He precariously straps Elsie into the baby carrier.
INT. SECOND HAND STORE – DAY
Jack wanders around looking things over.
Jain Smyth, an attractive woman approaches and asks if he needs help finding something.
Jack sort of has a meltdown in between foul language as he curses the case worker, tells Jain about his sister dying and what he needs immediately.
Jain leads him over to the baby section where she helps him choose the right things, including a car seat. Jain suggests he have these things delivered. Jack agrees.
EXT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY
A truck pulls up to Jack’s apartment – Jain in the driver’s seat. She knocks on the door to get his help to unload everything.
Jain suggests they set up the playpen so Elsie is safe while they get the rest of the furniture.
INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jain is dismayed when she sees the pigsty.
They get the rest of the furniture unloaded and set up.
Jain suggests Jack get a trash bag and throw away all the trash. She organizes the dirty dishes on the counter and takes everything out of the sink and stacks things. Jain scrubs the sink first, then stacks things in the sink with soapy water.
The place is now spotless. Jack hardly recognizes this as the place where he lives.
INT. BIG NOSE SAM’S MEETING ROOM – NIGHT
MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: Jack doesn’t think he can do the work for Big Nose Sam anymore. Doesn’t know what to do. Has to find work.
NEW PLAN is to leave the mob business behind.
INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Jack is half sloshed as he talks with Jain. He considers himself a huge failure.
Jain guides him along the way. Helps him discover his strengths and weaknesses for a new life.
INT. STATE EMPLOYMENT OFFICE – DAY
Jack talks with someone about finding work.
SERIES OF SHOTS: Interviews with various companies. All failures.
Finally, someone hires Jack.
INT. COLLECTION AGENCY – DAY
Jack aces the interview. His boss sees how Jack’s background could come in handy.
INT. COURT – DAY
Jack stands up to the social worker and speaks his mind in court.
Jain holds Elsie. Jack’s new boss is there to lend support. Big Nose Sam and wife are there.
Jack wins in court.
INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY
A celebration in Jack’s spotless apartment.
He has a solid relationship with Jain.
Elsie’s future with her Uncle Jack is secure.
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Lesson 8
Joel Stern’s Beat Sheet Part 2
What I learned from this assignment: Incorporating the theme of the story and adding a strong antagonist into it.
PASS 1:
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
O.S.: OPERA PLAYS
A Milwaukee NEWSPAPER on the bureau:
It’s 1937. Assorted knick-knacks tell us this is a German-American
household. Athletic RAY, (18) stands at attention. SMACK! A hand
slaps his face but he doesn’t flinch. The slapper is his
disciplinarian father and widower ERNST, (50) who tells Ray to play
ball with friends instead of listening to opera – he must
Americanize.SUPER: “JULY 4, 1943”
EXT. RAY’S HOUSE – DAY
A government car waits for Ray and
Ernst to say goodbye. Stoic Ernst shakes his son’s hand, tells him
every day people put Hitler into power and it will take everyday
people like him to get rid of Hitler and make America and Germany
proud.INT. OSS OFFICE – DAY
Ray is being interviewed. INSERT: Ray’s
college TRANSCRIPT. Lots of good things on it. The interviewer is
impressed.EXT: OSS SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
A bullet misses a TARGET fifty yards
away. Red FLAGS go up next to it. Shooter Ray, now 25 couldn’t hit
the side of a barn ten feet away. It’s mandatory target practice and
he’s failing miserably. Pop, pop, pop! Three between-the-eyes hits by
the agent next him. This man is known as “J”, (40). He introduces
himself to Ray. Tells Ray he’s from upper class background and his
mannerisms show it.INT. BAR – EVENING
Ray, “J” and three tipsy fellow
agents sit at the bar. Ray refuses a beer, asks for juice instead.
“Something’s not right with this guy,” agent “J” tells the
others. Ray doesn’t fit in well – an outcast but he must reach OSS
standards real soon.EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – NIGHT
Ray’s getting extra work in. “J”
approaches, gives him helpful shooting tips.EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
Through a scope: A target 100 yards
away. Bullseye! Ray’s getting to be an expert marksman.INT. OSS FILM ROOM
OSS boss, Ray and other agents watch
film of an experiment where a man turns into another man. This
procedure that will transform “J” into another person in order
for him to elude capture after killing Hitler.INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
“J” has just been operated on and
is asleep. Top OSS brass talk about the operation and that it’s a
success. It could be big boost to war effort.SERIES OF QUICK SHOTS:
A few scenes of OSS agents being
arrested by the Gestapo.INT. OSS BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
Emergency meeting of big wigs. The four
top agents were tortured and liquidated by the Germans. “J” is
told he will take the mission to kill Hitler instead. Ray refuses.
The boss slams down Ray’s college transcript. “You’re a fraud,
Hillman!” His life is on the line. He reluctantly accepts.INT. OSS BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
A few months later. Boss gets word that
“J” is now assassinating important Allied officials instead of
key Nazi’s. But he can’t be caught because of the procedure that he
underwent to give him the ability morph into other people near him.INT. PLANE – DAY
Engines roar, the door opens. Ray’s
hooked up but not ready to jump. The examiner gives him a look; “You
better get this done.” Ray pisses his pants, jumps.INT. LONDON HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Although he’s 25, Ray’s a virgin. The
PROSTITUTE says she’s a company perk and assures him all is okay.EXT. ALLEY – FRANCE – NIGHT
Ray and a WOMAN, (21) have sex. She’s a
Nazi spy but he doesn’t know it.PLACEHOLDER:
Ray chases agent “J” through
occupied Europe. Ray sees “J” kill and immediately transform into
other people. “J” eludes Ray who finally kills him.PLACE HOLDER:
SUPER: “EAST PRUSSIA, JULY 20, 1944”
Ray gets word that Hitler is nearby at
Wolf’s Lair. It’s the Allies best chance to assassinate him. Rays
get’s him in his sights. As he’s about to pull the trigger a bomb
explodes – killing several German High Command but Hitler survives.QUICK SHOTS:
Allies win the war in Europe, occupy
Berlin.SUPER: “MILWAUKEE, WI SIX MONTHS
LATER”INT. RAY’S KITCHEN
Three letters are neatly arranged on
the table – Harvard, Yale, Milwaukee College. All offer Ray
teaching positions. He asks his wife – the former Nazi spy – to
choose. She places his hand on the Milwaukee College invite. She
tells him he’ll always be a man of the people. They smile.PLACE HOLDER:
Throughout the story Ray comes to grips
with his demeanor formed largely by his strict father and adjusts his
behavior.PASS 2:
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
O.S.: OPERA PLAYS ON RADIO
A Milwaukee NEWSPAPER on the bureau
tells us it’s 1937. German knick-knacks fill the room. Athletic RAY,
(18) stands at attention. SMACK! A hand slaps his face but he doesn’t
flinch. The slapper is his disciplinarian father and widower ERNST,
(50) who tells Ray to play ball with friends instead of listening to
opera – he must Americanize.SUPER: “JULY 4, 1943”
EXT. RAY’S HOUSE – DAY
A government car waits for Ray and
Ernst to say goodbye. Stoic Ernst shakes his son’s hand, tells him
every day people put Hitler into power and it will take everyday
people like him to get rid of Hitler and make America and Germany
proud.INT. OSS OFFICE – DAY
Ray is being interviewed. INSERT: Ray’s
college TRANSCRIPT. Lots of good things on it. The interviewer is
impressed.EXT: OSS SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
A bullet misses a TARGET fifty yards
away. Red FLAGS go up next to it. Shooter Ray, now 25 couldn’t hit
the side of a barn ten feet away. It’s mandatory target practice and
he’s failing miserably. Pop, pop, pop! Three between-the-eyes hits by
the agent next him. This man is known as “J”, (40) super All
American type. He introduces himself to Ray, tells him about his
privileged upbringing – upper class background, a Harvard grad. His
mannerisms show it.INT. BAR – EVENING
Ray, “J” and three tipsy fellow
agents sit at a table. Ray refuses a beer, asks for soda instead. “J”
recalls beating tennis star Bobby Riggs in a match but Ray isn’t
impressed. “Something’s not right with this guy,” “J” tells
the others. Ray doesn’t fit in well – an outcast.EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – NIGHT
Ray’s getting extra work in. “J”
approaches, gives him helpful shooting tips.EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
Through a scope: A target 100 yards
away. Bullseye! Ray’s getting to be an expert marksman.INT. OSS FILM ROOM
OSS boss, Ray and other agents watch
film of an experiment where a man turns into another man. Boss says
this procedure that will transform “J” into another person in
order for him to elude capture after killing Hitler.INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Head bandaged, “J” has just been
operated on and is asleep. Top OSS brass talk about the operation and
that it’s a success. It could be big boost to war effort.SERIES OF QUICK SHOTS:
Scenes of OSS agents being arrested by
the Gestapo.INT. OSS BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
Emergency meeting of big wigs. The four
top agents were tortured and liquidated by the Germans. “J” is
told he will take the mission to kill Hitler instead. Ray refuses.
The boss slams down Ray’s college transcript.: “I know you’re a
fraud, Hillman!” His life is on the line. He reluctantly accepts.INT. OSS BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
A few months later. Boss gets word that
“J” is now assassinating important Allied officials instead of
key Nazi’s. But he can’t be caught because of the procedure that he
underwent to give him the ability morph into other people near him.INT. PLANE – DAY
Engines roar, the door opens. Ray’s
hooked up but not ready to jump. The examiner gives him a look; “You
better get this done.” Ray pisses his pants, jumps.INT. LONDON HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Although he’s 25, Ray’s a virgin. The
PROSTITUTE says she’s a company perk and assures him all is okay.EXT. ALLEY – FRANCE – NIGHT
After a night of drinking, drunken Ray
and a WOMAN, (21) have sex. She’s a Nazi spy but he doesn’t know it.PLACEHOLDER:
Ray chases agent “J” through
occupied Europe. Gets wounded but lives. Continues the chase. Ray
sees “J” kill and immediately transform into other people. Ray
finally kills him.PLACE HOLDER:
SUPER: “EAST PRUSSIA, JULY 20, 1944”
Ray gets word that Hitler is nearby at
Wolf’s Lair. It’s the Allies latest and best chance to assassinate
him. Rays get’s him in his sights. As he’s about to pull the trigger
a bomb explodes – killing several German High Command but Hitler
survives.QUICK SHOTS:
Allies win the war in Europe, occupy
Berlin.PLACEHOLDER:
Ray sorts through pictures of gold and
artworks looted by the Nazi’s. “This is what is was really all
about.”SUPER: “MILWAUKEE, WI SIX MONTHS
LATER”INT. RAY’S KITCHEN
Three letters are neatly arranged on
the table – Harvard, Yale, Milwaukee College. All offer Ray
teaching positions. He asks his wife – the former Nazi spy – to
choose. She places his hand on the Milwaukee College invite. She
tells him he’ll always be a man of the people. They smile.PLACE HOLDER:
Throughout the story Ray comes to grips
with his demeanor formed largely by his strict father and adjusts his
behavior. -
In this second pass of the beat sheet, I’ve realized the immense value in developing a layered, bird’s-eye view of the story.
Opening: Mysterious Town Tragedy (Flashback)
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INT. TOWN HALL – NIGHT (FLASHBACK): A harrowing racial incident unfolds, culminating in the first appearance of the Jim Crow monster.
Act 1: Introduction and Old Ways (25-30 pages)
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EXT. SMALL TOWN – DAY: Malika arrives, hopeful and optimistic about her new curator role.
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INT. MUSEUM – DAY: Lydia showcases the museum’s traditional exhibits, reflecting her version of the town’s history.
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INT./EXT. VARIOUS TOWN LOCATIONS – DAY: Malika’s interactions with townspeople, revealing her idealistic belief in the power of education. Lydia subtly reinforces the town’s resistance to confronting its past.
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INT. MUSEUM – DAY (TE 1 – Hostile Reception at Community Event): Malika faces subtle racism during her museum event. Lydia observes, noting Malika’s approach and the town’s reaction.
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INT. MUSEUM STORAGE ROOM – DAY (Inciting Incident – Discovery of the Artifact): Malika discovers the antique tin of blackface makeup, sparking her interest in the town’s dark history.
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INT. MUSEUM – NIGHT (TE 2 – First Terrifying Encounter with the Monster): Malika’s first supernatural encounter related to the artifact. Lydia remains unaware of these events.
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INT. MALIKA’S HOME – NIGHT: Malika resolves to uncover the truth behind the artifact and the supernatural occurrences.
Act 2: Challenge the Old Ways (20-30 pages)
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INT. MUSEUM – DAY: Malika begins her research into the artifact and the town’s history, challenging the town’s sanitized narrative.
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INT. MUSEUM – DAY (TE 3 – Public Challenge by Lydia): Lydia publicly challenges Malika’s historical narrative during a museum event, causing community tension.
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INT. TOWN LIBRARY – DAY (TE 4 – Research Revelations): Malika uncovers disturbing truths about the town’s past, challenging her understanding.
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INT./EXT. MUSEUM AND TOWN – VARIOUS TIMES: Increasing supernatural occurrences around Malika. Lydia attempts to reinforce the town’s historical narrative.
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INT. TOWN HALL – DAY (Midpoint – Reality Shift): Malika learns about the deeper, more sinister nature of the town’s history and the Jim Crow monster’s connection to it. Lydia reacts to Malika’s deepening involvement, plotting to further undermine her efforts.
Act 3: Embracing New Ways (20-30 pages)
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EXT. TOWN SQUARE – DAY (TE 5 – Activism and Backlash): Malika organizes a public event to reveal the town’s racist past, facing significant backlash, exacerbated by Lydia’s actions.
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INT. MALIKA’S HOME – NIGHT (TE 6 – Revisiting Personal Trauma): Malika reflects on her own past experiences with racism.
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INT./EXT. VARIOUS TOWN LOCATIONS – DAY: Malika’s growing isolation and determination in the face of increasing challenges. Lydia consolidates her influence in the town, countering Malika’s activism.
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EXT. TOWN SQUARE – NIGHT (Turning Point 2 – The Descent): The public event leads to chaos as the monster appears. Malika is blamed, leading to her ostracization, orchestrated by Lydia.
Act 4: Proving the New Ways (25 pages)
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INT. MUSEUM – NIGHT (TE 7 – Showdown with the Monster): Malika prepares for and confronts the Jim Crow monster in a climactic battle. Lydia observes the confrontation, realizing the depth of the town’s past.
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INT./EXT. MUSEUM AND TOWN – DAY (Resolution): The aftermath of the confrontation; Malika continues her work with a deeper understanding. Lydia reflects on her role and Malika’s impact, hinting at a possible shift in her perspective.
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