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BWTV: Lesson 5: Using Hooks to Create Pitches
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Lloyd’s Synopsis Hooks
Vision: Working hard every day to become the best writer I can and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is… how to fine tune my pitch using hooks.
Genre Action Drama
Title Benjamin Greene
Episodic or Streaming Series 1 hour long
Benjamin Greene High Concept A former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander and his crew are brutally recruited into a Top-Secret Pentagon agency whose mission is to ensure the nation’s secrets stay secret.
Logline: Col. Greene and his unit are brutally recruited into the espionage game where the only rules are killed or be killed.
Unique. The concept is strong, focusing on a former CIA assassin turned commander who is now part of a top-secret Pentagon agency. The main conflict revolves around keeping national secrets and dealing with internal and external threats, which is engaging and has high stakes.
N/A It may not be a first. Blacklist, Ray Donovan, The Unit, Seal team. The way this is presented allows the crew to travel around the world hiding or getting rid of the incrementing deeds of nefarious government agencies. The conflict lies in the resistance and desire at times to work outside of the Puzzle Works mandate and make up new rules as they go along.
Wide audience appeal. The emotional arc of the lead protagonist makes this a powerful role any actor would love to play. Audiences would embark on a wild emotional ride as they root for the lead characters and Colonel Greene and his crew.
Similarity to TV success. The Unit, Blacklist, Ray Donovan
A great role for a bankable actor. This story takes an actor all the way through the emotional arc from A to Z. Colonel Benjamin Greene is a strong and capable protagonist. His antagonist is just as capable and committed. Throughout the series rival factions conspire to expose or hide the truth as well, often putting Greene and his crew in compromising situations.
What is most unique about your villain and hero? My lead, Colonel Benjamin Greene is flawed and bitter, but he is the perfect man for the job of leading his crew through the world of espionage and murder. He is the definition of an anti-hero. A killer with a heart.
B. Major hook of your opening scene? The pilot does a good job of introducing the high-stakes world of espionage and the characters’ roles within it. The inciting incident is the brutal recruitment of Colonel Greene and his team, which sets the tone for the series. It begins with the raid on an Agency drug house in Afghanistan.
Any turning points? Situation Layers: The team’s recruitment and the real motives behind their missions. The Puzzle Works is all consuming and brutal. The whole series is defined by that moment. Murder is the first and last order of the day for this demented agency.
Emotional dilemma? Colonel Benjamin Greene left the Agency years before for his wife. He does not appear to be happy coming back to the spy world. His son Lt. Brian Greene is his last tether to humanity and his greatest trigger.
Reversals? There are enough open loops and twists in the first season to keep the audience guessing. Lt. Greene and Desmone’s enter the drug trade in what appears to be a direct betrayal of Colonel Greene, or is it? The end of the first season sees a major twist in why and for what purpose they did this. Nothing is as it seems.
Any big surprises? There are over 35 open loops. Maybe Greene wasn’t recruited? He may have recruited the agency. His wife’s death may have not been from natural causes. When you take away the one thing that keeps a killer civilized what happens to restraint?
First Draft:
The 1st act of Benjamin Greene introduces the main characters and the premise of a top-secret agency tasked with keeping the nation’s secrets. Colonel Greene and his crew open with an action-packed mission to shut down a government run drug operation in Afghanistan. This sets the tone for the entire series. The turning Point begins as the team is brutally recruited into the Puzzle Works 4 years after the Afghanistan mission. From this point on characters grapple with the implications of their mission and their uncertain future.
As former Puzzle Works agents and colleagues are brutally murdered you begin to understand you cannot walk away from the agency. In the 3<sup>rd</sup> act, a significant betrayal within the agency is revealed. The identity of Garnet is hinted at but not revealed. If she is a spoiler, Col. Greene and his unit have a big problem that could change everything. In the 4<sup>th</sup> and 5<sup>th</sup> acts a major character is put in mortal danger. Colonel Greene is a marked man. The only protection he has is from the one agency he hates the most, The Puzzle Works. The final act cements the characters’ commitment to their mission and to each other. In the 4th act, the burning down of a drug warehouse on Ft. Bragg and erasing all evidence becomes the operating theme of Greene and his crew. Finally, Col. Greene is critically wounded. FBI agent Stockton is hot on his heels, following the trail of bodies. Agent Stockton is every bit as ruthless and talented as Greene. The audience sees this in the final scene at the hospital. There is no line he will not cross to bury Greene and his crew.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by
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