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Lesson 7
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Joan Beesley: Query Letter
What I learned: Invite the producer to become part of the drama.40 SHADES OF GREEN: THE JUNKMAN OF BROOKLYN Historical Fiction/Magic Realism
You survived the Irish Famine, Tammany Hall, salvaged destroyers and submarines, so passing on the Art of the Deal is easy-peasy, right?
Charles Flynn and his family have their cottage “tumbled’ by English soldiers and flee to America.
However, 3 year old Michael Flynn is left on the dock.
An Irish Godfather absent the violence, he grows up to become a scrap metal czar, thanks to Tammany Hall and senators from Ward 6. He firmly insulates his family from poverty but at the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire he engages a business partner who will scheme to steal his future international business. “Can this business be saved?”
And how does he “return” in 2001 to save the life of his great granddaughter who is writing his biography?
If you like the concept of 40 Shades of Green: The Junkman of Brooklyn I’d be happy to send you the script.
Joan is a published author of historical fiction/magical realism. I am Irish, from Brooklyn New York and this script is a true story (almost.)
Contact Information:
303-328-1265
1175 Reed Street Lakewood, CO 80214mail.google.com
Gmail is email that’s intuitive, efficient, and useful. 15 GB of storage, less spam, and mobile access.
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Nick Walsh’s Query Letter
What I learnt: To write the great query letter, ideally, make every sentence stand alone as a hook.
- Start with your synopsis from Lesson 6, even if it is a first draft.
FIRST DRAFT OF SYNOPSIS:
The Irish version of Roots.
Tyranny and famine in Ireland force the Irish to emigrate across a treacherous ocean to a place that has nothing but contempt for them. Into this environment, we follow the exploits and shenanigans of a young Irishman wanted for murder, desperately seeking an escape to America. He is MICHAEL MURPHY (26), a renaissance man and atheist.
He discovers a dead priest on the road and steals his identity.
He hides in plain sight from English authorities as a charismatic parish priest and is protected by his new confidant, ROSE (50s). He becomes deeply troubled when he unwittingly hears his long-lost-lover’s confession, rekindling a desire for her. He can’t tell her he’s not a priest without implicating himself as the sacrilegious fraud he is, so a priest for now he must stay. He gets drunk and decides to leave. But just as he mounts his horse, he learns Rose has been murdered.
Then the potato crop fails. The parish looks to him as their savior and protector. What’s a wanted man craving liberty and posing as a priest to do? Be a shepherd or a wolf.
2. Craft an Opening Hook and put it at the top of the page.
This opening hook should lure us into the concept. Remember, it will be a bold statement, question, setup/punchline, or a quote from the lead character.
Bold statement:
The Irish version of Roots.
3. Write your Bio and add it below the salutation with the word “BIO:” before it.
BIO: My great grandfather emigrated from Ireland in 1850 to escape the famine. I have traveled to Ireland to find my roots. This TV series is the result. The pilot was one of five finalists in the Page Turner International Screenwriting Contest.
4. Make sure it has all the Basics covered (from Part One).
- Opening Hook
- Synopsis
- Request
- Bio
- Contact information
Hi _____,
Title: The Rogue of Connemara
Genre: Drama (one hour TV series)
It’s the Irish version of Roots.
A dystopian government, tyranny, and famine plague mid-19th century Ireland. Into this dystopian environment we follow the life and shenanigans of MICHAEL MURPHY (26), a liberty-seeking renaissance man on the lam for murder. As luck would have it,…
…he discovers a dead priest on the road and steals his identity.
He hides in plain sight from English authorities as a charismatic parish priest. Then he unwittingly hears his long-lost-lover’s confession, rekindling a desire for her. But he can’t tell her he’s not a priest without exposing himself as the sacrilegious fraud he is, and lose her. Then the potato crop fails. The parish looks to him for their salvation.
What’s a wanted murderer posing as a priest to do? Be a shepherd or a wolf…or both?
BIO: Shortlist Finalist (one of five) in the Page Turner 2022 International Screenwriting Contest. Graduate of ScreenwritingU’s Master Screenwriter Certificate (MSC) program. My great grandfather emigrated from Cork, Ireland in 1850. Been there to find my roots.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Sincerely,
Nick
Nick Walsh,
Feature and TV Series screenwriter
202 East Sycamore Street
St. Charles, Iowa 50240 USA
515.570.3580
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What I learned doing this assignment is to keep honing my query letter until it’s exciting and worthy of a script request.
Jenna’s Query Letter
*****
Hi ______,
Would you let your entire high school meet your awkward Asian family if it would save the school dance?
Title: STEALING BUDDHA’S DINNER
Genre: Dramedy adaptation based on a Chicago Tribune “Best Book of the Year” I have the rights to.
Hooray! Bich Nguyen escaped Vietnam seconds before the fall of Saigon! Uh-oh. Now she has to survive high school in America…
For a natural-born nerd raised on her grandma’s pho and a closet full of ao dais, Bich finally has a chance at the American dream: Hamburger Helper, designer duds, and Top 40 radio. Except her new step-mom Rosa forbids all of it.
Bich’s plan? Beg, borrow, or steal the junk food, fashion, and music approved by 10/10 of her fellow teens.
Meanwhile, Bich’s classmates are making her life a living hell. Even her dad and Rosa are out to get her! Rosa’s masterminding a tone-deaf Asian heritage assembly at Bich’s school. Her dad’s throwing a mandatory Asian holiday bash the same night as the school dance. And her estranged mom just showed up stateside with tons of questions about the night Bich fled Saigon. Awkward!
Everything’s coming up “Asian” and Bich just wants her MTV!
When the truth comes out about her family’s escape, and a fire in the cafeteria threatens the school dance, Bich’s faced with the biggest decisions of her American teenage life:
Protect her sister from the reason their mom was left behind? Watch her classmates’ dreams of steady lip gloss and making out burn to the ground…or let them all in to her dad’s Lunar New Year party and let her freak flag fly?
For one night only, can Bich “Make Asia Great Again?”
I’d be happy to send you the script if you like the concept, and want to take part in the recent rise/trend in Asian representation in film.
All best,
Jenna Finwall Ryan
BIO: Jenna is an optioned screenwriter and has a Ph.D. in psychology. She did her doctoral internship at the FOX series “Lie to Me.” While working as a researcher in TV, her scripts have placed in contests like Script Pipeline and Scriptapalooza.
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Richard Senne’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is… it’s important to not overstate things. Go straight in and hook them. Get them asking questions and they will want the script. Every line should be a hook.
I’m going to kill them. I’m going to kill them all.
Jessica is the sole survivor of a bio-weapon attack, but gets kicked out of the military.
Determined to take revenge, she hunts for the terrorists. Her resolve wavers when she meets her boyfriend from college and begins to work with him. Her doctors, who are the terrorists, conspire against her and give her drugs to make her paranoid.
Jessica viciously beats a co-worker she believes is a terrorist. But she has the wrong guy.
Her doctor manipulates her and she goes to the mountains for rest. She discovers one of her doctors is the psychopath determined to experiment on her. They have a secret base to launch a bio-weapon drone on Washington. Before she can tell anyone they take her captive.
Can Jessica escape and stop the attack before thousands die?
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
BIO: Besides placing in PAGE screenwriting contest Precise Strike has placed well in other contests.
Richard Senne
840 Hallock Young Rd
Warren, Ohio 44481
Phone: 330-442-3413
Email: richardsenne2@gmail.com
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Assignment #7 Aurora’s Query Letter
Series Title: Insurrection! Ep 1- The Carnyx -The Series Pilot of an Historical Drama
Should a Centurion serve the anti-Semitic policies of a new regime in Rome or protect his beloved but unruly bi-racial Jewish house slaves?
Theophilus Cato, a Roman Centurion, parades his cohort, blasting a captured barbarian battle trumpet whose terrifying bellows enthrall crowds in Rome. The recently promoted Consul Sejanus is jealous and plots to destroy Cato, a loyal supporter of the retired Emperor.
Cato’s best soldier, a Jew, is falsely accused of rebellion, and strangled. Cato’s beloved Jewish slave Philip is attacked during a foot race. Cato discovers naïvely Philip has secretly collaborated with Jewish rebels, implicating Cato in the murder of a recent Sejanus appointee.
Loyalist Cato is accused of sedition, when he refuses to guard the Emperor in retirement because Sejanus wants him there to spy. The popular war hero now faces death before a bloody thirsty crowd on the Gemonian stairs.
Politicians create more anti-Semitism by mirroring a poem by Virgil foretelling a virgin-born warrior king that brings down Rome, with Jewish prophecies of a virgin-born, world-conquering, Hebrew King. Under pressure, the loyal Cato, becomes disloyal. He abandons his cohort and his beloved Emperor, agreeing to leave Rome for Galilee to find and assassinate this foretold Jewish Insurrectionist or die.
However, when Cato is unarmed at a Passover meal hosted by his house slaves, they are attacked by anti-Semitic thugs. A shy Jewish female refugee, surprisingly skilled wielding a pilgrims’ staff, leads in the defense. Before leaving Rome, Cato’s cook is blackmailed into spying on her Master during their upcoming trip.
Please contact me for copies of this Pilot Script and The Insurrection Series Treatment.
Bio
As a third culture kid, descending from three generations of foreign missionaries, Aurora Dawn Harris, is an avid bible student and Roman history buff. Now retired from the practice of law, she is an optioned screenwriter of faith infused stories.
Aurora Dawn Harris, Hedgehog Hallelujah Studios
RoraHarris@aol.com 714/ 496-3069
I learned doing this assignment that I had to shorten the summary of the story even more, and remove many more extraneous details.
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