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Day 5 Assignments
Post your assignment by replying to this post.
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9 Replies
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What I learned doing this assignment is…in focusing on the character beats, I discovered that the protagonist and antagonist have almost an equal number, while the other characters have less. Thus, they are effectively equals in the story–which is a good thing, right?
Subject: Erica Miner – Character Story Beats
Take your top five characters through this Character Beats process by following these steps.
1. Give us their Character Profile
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and place that at the top of your work.
Character Profile 1. Julia:
1. Character Name: Julia Kogan
Role: Professional violinist
Core Character Traits:
– Musical prodigy
– Ingenuous
– Sensitive
– Curious
Character Subtext Logline: Julia’s natural curiosity propels her into dangerous situations.
Flaw: Her concern for people who are important to her leaves her vulnerable.
Want/Need: Achieve top success in her field/ To be loved
*Character Arc: Learns to fight back aggressively when her life or a friend’s life is in danger.
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: What makes this character unique?
Combines a prodigious musical gift with an ability to solve mysteries.
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: vows to find her mentor’s killer and who framed her closest colleague for the murder
Middle: falls in love with Antagonist (unknowingly)
End: finds murderer, saves colleague
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
Julia’s story beats (details):
1. Julia worries when she overhears her closest colleague Sidney arguing about her with her mentor, Abel.
2. Julia gratefully accepts her beloved mentor’s gifts of a jeweled pin and a song written for her
3. Julia freaks out when Abel is assassinated
4. She turns her anger on NYPD detective Larry when he has an Officer drag her away from Abel’s body
5. She becomes distraught when Sidney is accused of Abel’s murder
6. Julia vows to friend Katie to find Abel’s killer and exonerate Sidney [end Act 1]
7. Julia tries to find clues to the murder in the song Abel wrote for her
8. She asks friend and admirer, head stagehand Matt, to help her figure out who framed Sidney
9. Julia bristles when general manager Patricia accuses her of interfering with stagehands backstage
10. An encounter with Matt’s boorish assistant Frank sends Julia into a hasty retreat
11. When minor tenor Charles suggests meeting to explore Abel’s song, Julia, in a vulnerable state gives in to his amorous advances
12. Julia brings Sidney home from jail and is distressed when he loses his temper with her
13. She becomes suspicious when she finds the chess pieces in Abel’s dressing room have been moved
14. Julia finds Matt’s bludgeoned body stuffed into the pit wall opening [Mid-point]
15. She discovers that Sidney has been arrested again for Matt’s murder, finds consolation in Charles’s arms
*16. Julia succeeds in convincing Larry to let her help in the two murder investigations
17. Charles yanks Julia out of the way of some falling scenery, saving her life
18. Julia and Katie are accosted by a masked assailant on the street outside of a bar
19. During a performance, Julia uses an opera practice room to look for clues in Abel’s song, while Larry waits
20. Julia’s violin pin breaks, revealing a digital flash card, which she gives to Larry to analyze at H.Q.
21. Julia finds Charles’s name spelled out in the song, but Frank abducts her to the roof before she can reveal her findings to Larry
22. To her shock, Julia discovers that Charles and Frank conspired to murder Abel and Matt
23. She is further shocked when Charles kills Frank, and terrified when Charles tries to throw her off the roof
24. When Charles is momentarily distracted, Julia uses all her strength to thrust at him, causing him to fall
25. Julia celebrates her solving the murders at her first ‘real’ debut performance
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
*16. [Julia succeeds in convincing Larry to let her help in the two murder investigations]
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
Larry refuses Julia’s request to help in the investigations. She starts investigating on her own, unknowingly placing herself in danger. This adds tension and conflict to the story. [pp. 76 ff.]
Character profile 2: Sidney
Character Name: Sidney Richter
Role: Closest colleague to lead female
Core Character Traits:
– Hot-tempered
– Avuncular
– Experienced
– Defensive/Aggressive
Character Subtext Logline: Sidney is an easily angered violinist with a weakness for illegal substances.
Flaw: Underneath his gruff exterior, he is a total softie when it comes to protecting Julia.
*Want/Need: To be the best mentor and protector he can be for Julia.
Improvement: Emphasizing Sidney’s altruistic side makes us feel more sympathetic toward him.
Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: confronts Abel about involving Julia in Abel’s personal troubles
Middle: is accused of and framed for two murders
End: is exonerated and freed
List out the beats of their story:
1. Sidney tells inexperienced Julia that after time she will learn the ropes.
*2. He argues with Abel about exposing the innocent girl to Abel’s nasty, behind the scenes troubles
3. His hasty exit from the pit just before Abel’s murder creates suspicion from NYPD detective Larry
4. Sidney is arrested for drug and weapon possession, along with cohort Damon
5. A bundle of love letters between Sidney and Abel casts further suspicion on Sidney; he is accused of murder
6. When Julia brings Sidney home from jail, he becomes abrasive when she asks him who framed him
7. He is chastised by Patricia for daring to come back to the opera house after his arrest and is sent packing
8. A Grand Jury indicts Sidney for murder
9. He is accused of Matt’s murder
10. Sidney is freed, due to Julia’s faith in him and her fearless efforts to solve the murder and clear his name
Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
*2. Sidney argues with Abel about exposing the innocent girl to Abel’s nasty, behind the scenes troubles
Improvement: He threatens Abel’s life; adds tension and foreshadows his arrest
Character Profile 3: Charles
Character Name: Charles Tremaine
Role: Underappreciated tenor/Lover
Core Character Traits:
– Egotistical
– Capable
– Take charge
– Charmer
*Character Subtext Logline: Charles is a talented singer who resents his older brother’s career success.
Flaw: He thinks he is smarter than everyone else.
His Mission: To become the most famous tenor in the world using any means necessary.
*Change: An aggressive, unrelenting Don Juan will stop at nothing to grab the spotlight.
Improvement: Focusing on Charles’s Casanova-like behavior plays up his over-the-top ego and hints at his dangerous side.
Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: Charles shows resentment and jealousy toward a lead singer who represents Charles’s career failures
Middle: Charles seduces Julia, the most naïve female in the company
End: He confesses the murders he has committed to Julia but underestimating her ability to fight back, opens
himself up to a disastrous fall (literally)
List out the beats of their story:
1. Charles elicits general manager Patricia’s ire when he shows jealousy toward the star singer
*2. Charles purposely pushes coffee on Sidney, knowing that it will make Sidney ill
3. Charles’s willingness to organizes Abel’s memorial service backfires when he is passed over yet again
for a major role
4. He charms Julia by offering her consolation in her grief over Abel’s death and help in decoding Abel’s song
5. He persuades Julia to let him borrow page one of the song, then seduces her
6. When Julia asks him to return the song, he pretends to have forgotten it but offers to go over it with her later
7. When the lead tenor is shot for real onstage, Charles is first in line to take the singer’s place
8. Charles shows his concern for Julia’s distress over Matt’s murder by offering to bring her to his place to recover
9. He becomes furious when Julia abandons him at Larry’s request to meet up at the Met
10. He re-establishes his bond with Julia by revealing that he will be singing the lead in an important performance
11. He saves Julia from being crushed by a heavy piece of falling scenery, eliciting her eternal gratitude
12. Charles tries to charm a dowager patron whom he hopes will bankroll a new production for him
13. He expresses his frustrations to Larry about Patricia’s lack of appreciation for his artistic abilities
14. Finally relinquishing Abel’s song to Julia, Charles convinces her to take it to the Met to play on her violin
15. Charles makes a grand entrance onstage, gratified by the adoring audience applause he feels he so deserves
16. He shocks Julia by first admitting to conspiring to murdering his brother Abel, then having Frank kill Matt.
17. Determined to complete his foolproof plan to blame the murders on Frank and eliminate any witnesses, Charles tries to push Julia off the roof
18. In a moment of distraction, Julia pushes him off the roof
Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
*2. Charles purposely pushes coffee on Sidney, knowing that it will make Sidney ill
Improvement: Charles pretends not to offer the coffee to Sidney, instead making Sidney beg for it.
Character Profile 4: Larry
Role: Detective on murder case
Core Character Traits:
– Humorous
– Smart
– Skeptical
– Control freak
*Character Subtext Logline: Larry is a savvy detective who takes charge first and asks questions later.
Something he doesn’t want to admit about himself: he has a soft spot for vulnerable females.
Life Metaphor/Identity: Controller of all situations.
*Change: Larry uses his control freak side to discount others’ possibly valuable opinions.
Improvement: Punches up Larry’s personality to hint at his tendency to be tough and unforgiving.
Beginning: Larry upsets Julia by tearing her away from her mentor’s body after he’s been assassinated.
Middle: Larry further disturbs Julia by telling her Sidney can shoot a rifle and is providing drugs to the company.
End: Worried about Julia’s safety when Charles tries to kill her, Larry rushes to the scene but finds that Julia can take care of herself.
List out the beats of their story:
1. Larry is assigned to investigate Abel’s murder.
2. Larry shows no mercy in dragging a distraught Julia away from Abel’s body.
3. Larry determines that the murder is an inside job.
4. He hints to Julia that Sidney is a person of interest in the crime.
5. Larry and Patricia clash over continuing to interview the exhausted musicians.
6. Larry finds a threatening written note and a warning message on Abel’s phone machine.
7. Finding guns, ammo, drugs and a bundle of love letters between Sidney and Abel in Sidney’s apartment, Larry arrests Sidney.
8. Larry presents further damning evidence against Sidney to Julia.
9. After Giuseppe is shot onstage during a rehearsal, Larry finds Damon with a loaded stage rifle and arrests him.
10. Larry dismisses Julia’s theory that whoever moved Abel’s chess pieces could be a prime suspect.
11. Larry begins to be sympathetic to Julia’s distress when she finds Matt’s body in the pit.
12. Larry convinces Julia of the urgency to retrieve the first page of Abel’s song from Charles.
13. Larry considers Julia’s offer to help investigate the murders.
14. He tries to approach Charles about relinquishing page 1 of Abel’s song, but other events interfere.
15. Larry shows sympathy toward Charles for his Met career troubles.
16. When Julia is attached on the street, Larry kindly offers Julia to stay on his couch to keep her safe.
17. Larry encourages Julia to keep playing Abel’s song to search for clues.
18. Larry takes the flash card Julia has found in her violin pin and gives it to Buddy for analysis.
19. Astonished to discover that Carl, the young boy who witnessed a suspicious drowning at a music camp, is Abel’s younger brother, Larry fears that Julia may be in danger.
20. Larry finds that Julia is capable of saving her own life and feels deep respect for her.
Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
*13. Larry considers Julia’s offer to help investigate the murders.
Improvement: rejects Julia’s suggestion out of hand, causing an ever deeper rift between them.
Character Profile 5: Patricia
Role: presumed Antagonist (but not villain) to lead female
Core Character Traits:
– Difficult
– *Exacting
– Argumentative
– Self-important
Character Subtext Logline: Patricia is the Opera’s general manager who is always on Julia’s case.
Flaw: She has a weakness/need to self-medicate with drugs.
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Coming from a lower-class background far below her personal standards has caused limitless drive and ambition for her own career.
– *Change: [Exacting] Delusions of grandeur
Improvement: Emphasizing Patricia’s ambitious side will make her a more compelling character.
Beginning: Patricia continually puts out fires among company artists and in unexpected crises.
Middle: Despite Larry’s protests, Patricia establishes her iron fist in taking charge of company members during Larry’s investigation of Abel’s murder.
End: Patricia regretfully gives up the last of her controlled substances.
List out the beats of their story:
1. Patricia consoles the tenor, orders around Matt, and exhorts other company members not to slack off.
2. She becomes suspicious of Abel’s closeness with Julia.
3. She uses her clout to dismiss Larry’s requests.
4. Patricia commands company members to keep performing despite any trauma or grief surrounding Abel’s murder.
5. She establishes her dominance by purposely passing over underling Charles for an important role.
*6. Patricia accuses Julia of interfering with stagehands’ backstage work.
7. She further dominates by decree, insisting that rehearsal continue after the tenor is shot and wounded.
8. She refuses to let Buddy question company members about the shooting until rehearsal is over.
9. Patricia bans Sidney from returning to work.
10. She commands complete control over an important patron event.
11. She finally shows a chink in her armor when an important diva refuses to do as Patricia insists.
12. Patricia deflects Julia’s suspicions about Patricia’s possible involvement in the murders by making sure she has an airtight alibi.
Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
*6. Patricia accuses Julia of interfering with stagehands’ backstage work.
Improvement: Patricia is more aggressive about her threats to fire Julia from the Met.
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Assignment Day 5 – Critique of Erica’s Character Story Beats
Hi, Erica,
First of all, this is only Day 5 and I’ve already seen dramatic improvement in your Assignments. Wow.
Just a question of concern overall. I’m a bit unsure about how realistic the situation is at the Opera House. I think after the first shooting and the arrest of Sydney, they could proceed back to normal fairly quickly. But, if later, the lead tenor is shot on stage, too? Wouldn’t that freak everyone out? Consider if there is some other way to accomplish that part of the plot. Could he be killed in some accident that is only revealed later to be murder? Or not. If you’re good with it, keep it the way you have it.
Julia’s Improvement: Larry refuses Julia’s request to help in the investigations. She starts investigating on her own, unknowingly placing herself in danger. This adds tension and conflict to the story.
I think this is stronger and more realistic than the original 16. Nicely done.
Sydney’s improvement: The improvement made me want to know what the nasty behind-the-scenes troubles consisted of.
Charles – 16: What about the lead tenor? Who killed him? (Okay, later we find out that Damon is arrested for the murder, but did he really do it?)
Minor points:
Julia – 10: What kind of encounter? Nasty? Angry? Physical?
Larry – 15: attached s/be attacked.
You’re making great improvements. Keep up the great work.
Good luck – alan
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Hi Alan,
I just wrote a detailed reply that seems to have disappeared. Not knowing if it posted or if you got it, I’m writing it again. I’m glad you feel I’ve improved. I think so, too. I feel like a whole different writer.
I apologize for taking so long getting back to you but I’ve been slammed with music reviews and such for the past several days. Now I’m able to give full attention here.
Re your concern about the situation at the opera house: the tenor is actually shot but only wounded, not killed. I’m appalled that I wasn’t clearer about that and I will fix it. That said, as I’ve based my opera mysteries on my real experiences, I can only say that worse things have happened, some during actual performances. People have literally DROPPED DEAD onstage (and in other places) and the show still goes on. I’m not making this up. That’s one of the reasons I write these stories. People have no idea what goes on back there!
That said, I will try and correct those beats to make them clearer and will also work on the others you mentioned. And I will read and critique your next assignment asap.
Have a great weekend, and thanks so much for your wonderfully helpful comments.
Erica
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ASSIGNMENT – DAY 5
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Subject: Alan’s Character Story BeatsWhat I learned doing this assignment is… I need to strengthen several of my character’s roles so that they are more attractive to potential actors and actresses.
1. Give us their Character Profile.
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.A. JAY CROCKETT
REQUIRED:
Role: HERO / EVERYMAN
Core Character Traits:– Smart
– Creative
– Smartass
– Thinks he’s funnyCharacter Subtext Logline: Will take any risk to save his loved ones.
OPTIONAL:
Flaw: Hates his father
Want/Need: Jay wants his father’s love.
Mission/Agenda: To save his sister, Holly, & Erin
Character Arc (if any): Goes from hating his father to working for him
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: His marriage is falling apart.BEGINNING: He sees white powder dumped into Erin’s drink and decides to try to save her from date rape, but he gets mistaken for his doppelganger sex trafficker.
MIDDLE: He charges blindly ahead trying to help save both his sister, Holly, and Erin from sex traffickers.
END: He masterminds saving Holly, but gets arrested by the Chinese, only to have Quinn negotiate his freedom.
Character Story Beats:
1. Jay and Holly dine at a restaurant and appear to be having an affair.
2. Jay sees white powder dumped into Erin’s drink and decides to try to save her.
3. Quinn mistakes Jay for his doppelganger and arrests him.
4. The restaurant hostess gives a positive ID on Jay’s dinner with Holly.
5. Jay spends the night in jail.
6. Unknowing that Erin wears a wire to entrap him, Jay sees Orlando drive by, he pushes her into her apartment to protect her.
7. Quinn misinterprets this and arrests him again.
8. He tells Quinn he’s Holly’s sister. She releases him.
9. He and Erin look at mugshots, where Jay IDs Blake.
10. Quinn reveals to Erin and Jay that most of the abductions have been by a sophisticated global sex trafficking gang that auctions girls on the dark web.
11. He learns the gang has sold a girl matching Holly’s description to a truck brothel.
12. He goes with Quinn and Erin to the truck stop hoping they can ID the traffickers.
13. Jay overhears truckers talking and follows one to the truck brothel.
14. He pays to be with the new blonde but ends up meeting 13 year-old Madison.
15. Thinking Jay was actually his doppelganger, the FBI team follows Jay to the brothel and arrests him.
16. Quinn arrives, frees Jay and he helps the FBI build their case against the brothel.
17. With the police watching, Jay talks to Madison and learns more details of the gang.
18. Starving, Jay and Erin walk to the diner to get lunch.
19. A brothel thug chases them. Jay tells Erin to run then jumps the thug. But the thug easily subdues Jay and intends to kill him.
20. Quinn arrives just in time to save Jay from the brothel thug.
21. Jay plans to fly to Mexico with Erin for her new modeling job.
22. Jay is shocked when Quinn verifies the modeling job is fake.
23. He tries to convince Erin not to be bait for the police and accept the fake modeling job.
24. Jay drives to California to try to help the police track Erin.
25. Jay and Quinn are horrified that the gang picking up Erin has outsmarted the FBI and abducted Erin.
26. Jay and Quinn arrive at the boat. Jay helps save the girls.
27. Jay begs his and Holly’s rich father for the money to buy Holly. His father agrees.
28. Jay wins the bid. He’s saved Holly.
29. Jay and her father’s Security Chief fly to China to get Holly, but the traffickers pull a bait and switch with another blonde abductee. Holly’s been sold to a Beijing Brothel.
30. Jay and the Security Chief fly to Beijing where they bribe a brothel guard and a Madam to free Holly.
31. On the way to pick up Holly the guard and Madam back out. They need a new plan.
32. Jay comes up with a quick new plan. He and the Security guy bait and switch the Chinese, and barely escape with Holly.
33. Holly’s been constantly drugged. She finally joyfully recognizes Jay. They rejoice.
34. Holly’s passport sets off an alarm at the airport. The police arrest Jay for trafficking.
35. Jay goes to a Chinese prison.
36. Quinn takes custody of him and frees him once they’re out of Chinese airspace.
37. He accepts a job working for his father, then flies to Hawaii for a vacation with Erin paid for by his father.
IMPROVEMENT: Added 33 which brings character emotion and joy to the story.
B. ORLANDO SKODA (ROLEX GUY)
REQUIRED:
Role: VILLAIN / TRAFFICKER GANG LEADER
Core Character Traits:– Arrogant
– Ruthless
– Physically strong
– Swanky
Character Subtext Logline: Won’t let anything or anyone stop him.
OPTIONAL:
Flaw: Overly arrogant
Mission/Agenda: To abduct and sell girls.
World View: Take anything you wantBEGINNING: He roofies Erin at a bar and tries to abduct her.
MIDDLE: He sells and delivers several abducted girls to a semi-truck brothel.
END: While trying to smuggle Erin to China, he loses a gun battle with Quinn and dies.
Character Story Beats:
1. He roofies Erin at a bar and tries to abduct her.
2. Jay prevents his abduction of Erin. Orlando threatens to kill Jay.
3. He masterminds the abduction and sale of several girls.
4. He sells and delivers several girls to a semi-truck brothel.
5. He auctions Holly and Erin on the dark web for huge $$$$$.
6. He smuggles Holly to California.
7. He masterminds abducting Erin.
8. As Erin boards the boat, he discovers her phone, throws it in the ocean and slaps her.
9. Having abducted Erin, he tries to smuggle her and several other girls to a cargo ship.
10. Jay and Quinn arrive just in time. There’s a gunfight. Quinn kills him.
(There are three main sex traffickers, so the combined villains’ beats are much longer.)
IMPROVEMENT: Added 3 & 7 to the story to strengthen this villain’s role.
C. ERIN RAYNOR
REQUIRED:
Role: VICTIM / LOVE INTEREST / HEROINE
Core Character Traits:– Trusting
– Innocent
– Vulnerable
– Determined
– Attractive brunette
– Speaks fluent Mandarin
Character Subtext Logline: Feels trapped in this hellish situation.
OPTIONAL:
Flaw: Was overly trusting
Mission/Agenda: Save Holly and herself
Character Arc (if any): Goes from being innocent and trusting to shrewd and cunning
World View: Even after everything that happens because of China she still loves China.BEGINNING: She unknowingly gets roofied and nearly abducted.
MIDDLE: The traffickers are desperate to abduct her and auction her on the dark web.
END: She helps save herself and other girls by sneaking her phone in her bikini bottom.
Character Story Beats:
1. She unknowingly gets roofied and nearly abducted, but Jay saves her.
2. She wears a wire to entrap Jay and sees Orlando drive by.
3. She and Jay look at mugshots.
4. She learns a sophisticated global sex trafficking gang that auctions girls on the dark web desperately wants to abduct and sell her.
5. She goes with Quinn and Jay to the truck stop hoping they can ID the traffickers.
6. Erin accepts a modeling job and plans to fly to Mexico for the job with Jay.
7. Erin’s devastated when Quinn verifies the modeling job is fake. It’s the traffickers.
8. She goes to the fake modeling job to lead the police to the traffickers.
9. The traffickers pick her up in a shielded limo, then lock her in the back. They demand she change into a bikini and leave all her personal items in the limo.
10. Erin sneaks her phone into her bikini bottom, which signals the police when she steps out of the limo onto the boat.
11. Orlando discovers her phone, throws in the ocean, and slaps her.
12. After the shootout, Quinn rescues Erin and the other girls.
13. Erin and Madison grow close in a safe house.
14. Erin meets Jay in Hawaii for a vacation paid for by Jay’s father.
IMPROVEMENT: Added 13 to the story to increase Erin’s role and bring closure for Madison.
D. SPECIAL AGENT RACHEL QUINN
REQUIRED:
Role: THE SAGE / HERO’S MENTOR
Core Character Traits:– Dedicated
– Stern
– No B.S.
– Expert Marksman
Character Subtext Logline: Sometimes lines must be crossed to achieve good.
OPTIONAL:
Flaw: Overly aggressive
Mission/Agenda: Save all the missing girls
Secret: She’s divorced
Want/Need: To protect her own 13 year-old daughter.BEGINNING: Dedicated law officer trying to crack a deluge of missing girl cases.
MIDDLE: Saves Jay from a thug, then begs for Erin’s help to catch the traffickers.
END: Saves Erin and several other girls from the traffickers, then rescues Jay for the third time.
Character Story Beats:
1. A dedicated law officer, she’s trying to crack a deluge of missing girl cases.
2. Finding Jay with Erin and having a matching Wanted sketch of Jay, she brings him in for questioning.
3. She puts Jay in a police lineup, where the restaurant hostess IDs him.
4. With Erin wearing a wire to entrap Jay, she watches Jay jump on top of Erin in her apartment and arrests him again.
5. She learns Jay is Holly’s sister and releases him.
6. She gets Erin and Jay to look at mugshots, where Jay IDs Blake.
7. She arrests Blake, who she believes is the key to finding Holly.
8. She reveals to Erin and Jay that most of the abductions have been by a sophisticated global sex trafficking gang that auctions girls on the dark web.
9. She learns the gang has sold a girl matching Holly’s description to a truck brothel.
10. She brings Erin and Jay to the truck stop hoping they can ID the traffickers.
11. She lets Jay talk to Madison and learns more details of the gang.
12. She rescues Jay from a truck brothel thug.
13. Learning Erin has accepted a modeling job, Quinn immediately suspects it’s fake, then verifies it’s fake.
14. She convinces Erin to accept the fake job and lead them to the traffickers.
15. She arrives at the boat just in time to shoot the traffickers and save the girls.
16. She helps coordinate Jay’s purchase of Holly.
17. She helps negotiate Jay’s freedom from the Chinese, flies over to take custody of him, and frees him once they’re out of Chinese airspace.
IMPROVEMENT: Changed item 13 from a minor character to Quinn bolstering Quinn’s role.
E. HOLLY SAMPSON
REQUIRED:
Role: HERO’S SISTER / ABDUCTEE
Core Character Traits:– Carefree Party Girl
– Easy-going
– Gullible
– Attractive blonde
Character Subtext Logline: Unlike Jay, she loves their father.
OPTIONAL:
Flaw: Smokes weed
Character Arc (if any): Goes from being gullible to being worldly.
World View: You Only Live OnceBEGINNING: Carefree college student sneaks out to smoke weed and gets abducted.
MIDDLE: She gets auctioned on the dark web by sex traffickers.
END: She gets rescued by her brother, Jay, and flies home to safety.
Character Story Beats:
1. Jay and Holly dine at a restaurant and appear to be having an affair.
2. Holly smokes weed with Blake, who roofies and abducts her.
3. Holly’s been abducted by sex traffickers.
4. The traffickers auction Holly on the dark web.
5. Holly’s been sold to a truck brothel.
6. Police rescue abductee’s from the truck brothel, but Holly’s not there.
7. Holly’s being smuggled to China for sale.
8. Police believe they’ve rescued both Erin and Holly, but Holly’s not there.
9. Holly’s already been flown to China.
10. Using Holly and Jay’s father’s money, Jay wins the auction to buy Holly back.
11. Jay and her father’s Security Chief fly to China to get Holly, but the traffickers pull a bait and switch with another blonde abductee.
12. Holly’s gets sold to a Beijing Brothel.
13. Jay and the Security guy bait and switch the Chinese, and barely escape with Holly.
14. Holly’s been constantly drugged. She finally joyfully recognizes Jay.
15. Holly’s passport sets off an alarm at the airport. The police arrest Jay for trafficking.
16. Holly flies home to safety with the Security Chief.
IMPROVEMENT: Added 14 which brings more character emotion and joy to her role.
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Erica’s Critique
Overall, excellent work. All of the roles have been strengthened. I feel like I’m getting to know these characters!
A few minor points below might help clarify even further. Keep going!
Erica
Character: JAY CROCKETT
Very good: doesn’t want to admit his marriage is falling apart; makes him more human
Mission/Agenda: To save his sister, Holly, & Erin (consider revealing what he’s saving them from…?)
Beginning is much clearer, with Jay’s mistaken identity spelled out
Middle: ‘charges blindly ahead’ also makes him relatable
Character Story Beats:
3. (FBI agent) Quinn mistakes Jay for his doppelganger (who actually is…) and arrests him
15. another case of mistaken identity by the FBI?
23. Erin accepts the fake modeling job? I know you put it in her profile, but it might be useful here
32. Jay and the Security guy bait and switch the Chinese with whom…?
33. Poor Jay gets arrested a third time?
Improvement: excellent
Character: ORLANDO
Beginning, Middle, End—well done
All his character beats are clear, which really works well for a villain
Character: Erin
Improvement: good to bring these characters closer together
Character: QUINN
Secret: she’s divorced; will there be a sequel where she and Jay get together? 😉
Interesting point: she has more beats than Jay (also Holly)
Character: HOLLY
Setting her up as both party girl and gullible gives her more depth
Beginning, Middle, End: clear on how she is open to and gets into trouble
2. I’m still a bit confused as to the difference between Blake and Orlando
I think her beats are the most cinematic
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Pat’s Character story beats
What I learned doing this assignment is to expand my vision and find quirks or intense emotions to upgrade the story. This is a work in progress with so much to think about.
Logline: A grieving adult daughter investigates her home security agent as causing her mother’s untimely death, but she’ll be under his surveillance to do so.
Character profile:
Monica Cassidy
Role: Ad Executive/Daughter
Core character traits:
Stubborn
Angry *CHANGE – This was formally stressed out, but Monica’s really angry about the way her life is right now and has to find the right way to deal with the frustrations.
Intuitive
Action oriented
Character Subtext logline: Monica loves her mom, but resents her thankless obligation to care for her.
Optional
Flaw: her strong sense of self gets in the way of listening to advice
Want/Need: wants freedom from caregiving
Life metaphor/Identity: Daddy’s little helper
Beginning – uses Mom’s delusions as fodder for her ad work
Middle – seeks to prove Dennis caused Mom’s death
End – taunts Dennis as payback
Beats
Monica vents her frustrations with Rosemary by incorporating her antics into her ads. She’s kept Paul at a distance, afraid Mom will ruin her engagement.
When she comes home from a weekend getaway, Mom’s death hits her hard. Feeling guilty she’s miserable until she assumes Dennis is responsible. She needs proof and she’ll get it.
She’s slightly erratic, taunts Dennis until he enters the house, then comes up with a new plan – get him in the bomb shelter. Once inside she doesn’t care how it plays out, she’s going to make him miserable.
Overall story –
Beginning – Monica’s pissed with Rosemary, jets off on a weekend away for spite.
Middle – When she comes back Mom’s dead and she means to prove Dennis is guilty.
End – Time for payback in the bomb shelter. Whatever Dennis can dish out, she’ll return in spades, spiteful, ultimately vindicated, stunned when he’s killed. What the hell happened?
Improvement – Bringing in Detective Rivera, Monica’s anger is primed by the suspicious cop, so when she gets a clue regarding Dennis misbehavior she’s going after him full steam ahead.
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Character 2
Dennis Wiley
Role: Security monitoring agent
Core character traits:
Obsessive
Authoritarian
Compassionate
Lonely
Character Subtext logline: Dennis is a shy loner who found his identity in being a watchdog. **CHANGE – Like Rosemary, Dennis is a recluse and he’s found self-respect in his position, but that hasn’t brought him the love he really craves.
Optional
Flaw: He doesn’t see himself as evil. He’s performing a service, wanted or not.
Want/Need: wants respect, needs to be recognized
Mission/Agenda: protect his clients according to his code of compliance
Character Arc (if any):
World View: his overreach is for the good of the people he protects
Life metaphor/Identity: He is his job. Without this he’s just another nobody.
Secret: he loves Rosemary’s house as his own property
Beginning – Attentive to his clients, he rules their actions with a velvet fist.
Middle – Alarmed by Monica’s accusations he tries to control her.
End – He only wants to preserve his job/his life. He loses both.
Beats
Dennis, at work, prides himself on being a conscientious guardian, even if it means intruding on individual rights. He’s cruel because he cares.
When Monica accuses him of negligence in Rosemary’s death, he’s confident of his innocence, but then he finds the damning last phone call and to preserve his livelihood, he takes illegal steps that culminates in locking Monica in the house to bend her to his will.
Uncharacteristically emotional, Dennis invades the house. Trapped in the bomb shelter he has to battle for self-control over this wildcat. Using all his influence he finally gets her to submit, loses at the last moment.
Overall story –
Dennis dotes on his clients, sometimes to excess, but all in the name of concern for their welfare.
He’s humiliated when Monica accuses him of negligence, alarmed when she taunts him with threats of getting evidence.
Entering the house he’s locked into a duel with Monica that only one of them can win.
Improvement – Dennis was too passive, too confident of his position, so I’m pushing his buttons by having Monica accost him at his place of employment. This ultimate humiliation informs all his actions once he finds the damning phone call.
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Character 3
Rosemary Cassidy
Role: mother to Monica
Core character traits:
Paranoid
Opinionated
Manipulative
Narcistic
Character Subtext logline: A self-styled Southern Belle Rosemary isn’t well educated, expects to be sheltered. **CHANGE_ A wallflower over-shadowed by a domineering mother she got attention by being helpless. This may or may not come out in dialogue, but it certainly explains a lot about her personality, making her sympathetic.
Optional
Flaw: rudely defensive of her opinions, susceptible to conspiracy theories
Want/Need: attention
World View: the world is a dangerous place, people are untrustworthy
Secret: She’s capable of doing for herself, she simply prefers to be waited on.
Something they don’t want to admit: she’s ignorant and behind the times
What makes this character unique?
Beats
Rosemary’s petty, easily frightened by wild stories.
She antagonizes Monica by chasing Paul from the house.
Putting herself into a tizzy she’s rejected by Dennis, neglects her meds and slips into an insulin fog that ends in a coma and death
Rosemary needs order. When Monica doesn’t meet her standards she relies on Dennis to confirm her worries and provide counsel. She won’t say it, but she dreads Monica getting married and leaving her to fend for herself.
So she dumps coffee on Paul. That and he did insult her. She had to defend her own honor.
But Monica left, then the news reported on e-coli scares. Toss out the food in the house. Then that scare about medicines. No way is she going to take pills she detests in the first place.
It becomes foggy after that. Cleaning the house, scaring herself with a shadow that looks like a night burglar. Dennis wouldn’t listen, Toss the meds. Yes, toss the meds, and hide.
Overall story –
Rosemary’s escalating bad behavior is designed to keep Monica from leaving the nest.
When Monica leaves her on her own, she neglects her diabetes meds, slides into a fog, then scares herself with delusions of home invasions.
When Dennis cuts her off, she takes the only precautions she knows – hiding, slips into death.
Improvement – Rosemary’s backstory improved to explain her attitude. How this comes into the story I’m still working on.
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Character 4
Paul Thornton
Role: Monica’s fiance`
Core character traits:
Playful
Compassionate
Sardonic
Insightful
Character Subtext logline: Paul wants to be helpful to Monica, won’t buy into Rosemary’s neediness
Optional
Mission/Agenda: To get Monica to see she’s an enabler and get professional help for Mom
Character Arc (if any): His patience strains to the breaking point
**CHANGE – Paul was a passive character in the original draft. He needs to be much stronger to be Monica’s equal. Showing more of his anger and annoyance will combat this.
What makes this character unique? He can push Monica’s buttons as well as Rosemary, to help her set boundaries.
Beginning – Paul is doing his best to get Monica to see how she enables Rosemary’s behavior
Middle – He gets her away on a weekend alone, supports her when they return to find Rosemary dead.
End – Trapped in the house he’s angry over Monica’s insistence on pursuing her vendetta
Beats –
Paul forces Monica’s hand to meet Rosemary, undeterred by her behavior, gets Monica to agree to a getaway.
He checks on Monica when she looks for evidence, warns her to get out.
When he comes to the house, Dennis locks him in the foyer. He’s further irritated when Monica seems hellbent on taking this vendetta to the bitter end.
Overall story –
Paul wants Monica, ready to charm Rosemary, gets her for a weekend
He acts the supportive friend, warns her about staying in the house
Trapped by Dennis, he’s had enough of these crazy people
Improvement – Paul’s dialogue is going to get focused on to showcase his self confidence and annoyance with Monica’s bull headed vendetta.
Character 5
Coco Rivera (New character to this story)
Role: Police detective who investigates Rosemary’s death
Core character traits:
Suspicious
Bull-headed
Conservative
biased
Character Subtext logline: She immediately feels for Rosemary, determines to convict Monica
Of elder abuse.
Optional
Flaw: reluctant to give up her first impressions
Want/Need:
Mission/Agenda: to solve this case and get justice for Rosemary
Character Arc (if any): Coco has to overcome her latent class hostility to be an honest investigator
World View: us v them along racial and social class lines
Life metaphor/Identity: **CHANGE – She’s an advocate for elder care and rights. Coming from a close knit family she takes any insult to seniors personally, knows its usually a family member causing the grief.
Secret:
Something they don’t want to admit: She’s the same driven woman as Monica.
What makes this character unique? A Cuban-American detective in Miami.
Beginning – Brought in to investigate Rosemary’s death, she immediately suspects Monica Middle – Coco continues her digging, convinced Monica is guilty of elder abuse End – She’s faced with a split second decision of who to help in the bomb shelter
Beats
Coco takes an instant dislike to Monica, looks for evidence of elder abuse. Her cool exchanges with Monica only serve to convince her she’s right.
She continues to gather background information, slanting all notes to support her theory.
At the house, Paul gives a brief rundown of the trouble with Dennis. Entering the bomb shelter she’s faced with the choice of shooting Monica or Dennis.
Overall story –
Coco immediately suspects Monica of elder abuse
She gathers information, looking for definite proof, ignoring misgivings.
Faced with the struggle in the bomb shelter, she hesitates, finally gives in to instincts and shoots Dennis.
Improvements to be determined.
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Hello Fellow Screenwriters…this is a call for a partner…I think my partner has dropped out and I would like very much to work with someone who would not mind a second partner. Please let me know. Thank you, Demethress
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Demethress’ Character Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is… it was a good way to check your characters arcs, if they have them, and see if your character traits match their stories.
Protagonist: Henry Carpenter <div>
Antagonist: Lillian Castle
Connecting character:Jewel Silver
<div>
Supporting character for Protagonist: Sam Hicks
Supporting character for Antagonist: Paul Poole
Henry’s Story Beats:
1. Henry has an accident and loses his job; Black couple killed and dumped in The Devil’s PunchBowl. </div>
2. He moves to Almeda, GA and lives on the streets begging for food and shelter.
3. Henry meets Lillian the town’s Good Samaritan.
4.Henry hears cries for help in the backwoods of Lillian’s house.
5. Henry meets the neighbors, Sam, Jewel and Paul.
6. Henry falls from the roof and hurts himself.
7. Henry witnesses a murder.
8 Henry asks Jewel who is Lillian, really?
9. Henry attends the wake of a neighbor.
10. Henry is told by Sam to get away before he loses his life, before he can say get away from who, Lillian and Jewel arrive.
11. Henry is kidnapped by the KKK, but escapes.
12. Henry loses an eye.
13. Henry is drugged by Jewel and taken to Lillian.
14. Henry is freed by Jewel.
Henry is ambushed by Lillian and her henchmen and taken to The Devil’s PunchBowl.16. Henry tells his story of overcoming his guilt and returns to NY to see his son.
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The improvements/changes I will make are introducing more about the history of The Devil’s PunchBowl and how it is related to Henry’s family. Also, more screens showing Henry’s guilt over losing his wife and son in a coma; and fighting but losing the battle of his addiction because of it.
Beginning:Henry has an accident-looses his wife and son is in a coma; leaves NY, meets Lillian, the town’s Good Samaritan.
Middle:Henry discovers Lillian is a White Supremacist and sets out to stop her killing spree.
End: Henry is ambushed by Lillian, rescued by Jewel, who betrayed him. He tells Jewel he will be waiting for her when she comes out of prison and returns to NYC to see his son just out of a coma.
Lillian’s Story Beats:
1. Lillian invites Henry to live in her house in exchange for room and board he will fix things around the house and for the neighbors. </div><div>
2. Lillian watches Henry as he sleeps.
3. She enlists her neighbors to keep an eye on Henry.
4. She lies to Henry about a locked room.
5. Lillian holds a party for former boarders.
6. Lillian is questioned by the local police about the death of her neighbor.
7. Lillian makes a phone call demanding the death of Paul.
8. Lillian invades Henry’s room and finds evidence of his addictions.
9. Lillian kidnaps Henry and two others.
10. Lillian questioned again by detectives; she lies again.
11. Lillian sabotages the area where she asks Henry to fix in the attic.
12. Lillian solicits Jewel’s help.
13. Lillian ambushes Henry; takes him to The Devil’s PunchBowl where she learns she us Black; they fight and she dies.
The improvements/changes I will make screens showing Lillian’s hold on people in the town; Lillian’s hiding her past, Lillian’s denial of her true identity.
Beginning:Lillian, acting as the town’s Good Samaritan invites Henry into her home.
Middle:Lillian is set a trap for Henry hoping to put him in his place, show him who is boss.
End: Lillian and Henry fight and she learns of her true identity; she dies by her own hand.
Jewel’s Story Beats:
1. Jewel meets Henry. </div>
2. Jewel spies on Henry.
<div>
3. Jewel causes Henry’s accident, makes up by making him lunch for a week.
4. Jewel confides in Henry, talks about her childhood.
5. Jewel helps Henry; gets key to locked room in Lillian’s house.
6. Jewel and Henry’s relationship grows closer.
7. Jewel invites Henry over for dinner, drugs him.
8. Jewel knocks Lillian out; saves Henry.
9. Jewel goes with Henry to The Devil’s PunchBowl to find anyone alive.
10. Jewel gets FBI, rescues Henry.
11. Jewel goes to prison.
The improvements/changes I will make is to include screens where Jewel fights with herself over her fear of Lillian and her undying loyalty to her; Jewel’s growing attention to Henry and the inner conflict it causes her; Jewel struggle to be in control of her life.
Beginning:Jewel meets Henry; causes him to fall off at the roof and hurt himself.
Middle: Jewel gets a key to locked room for Henry.
End: Jewel betrays Henry’s friendship, saves him from Lillian and goes to prison for her role in aiding and abetting.
Sam’s Story Beats:
1. Sam meets Henry. </div><div>
2. Sam tells Lillian he wants out.
3. Sam tells Henry to get out while he still has a chance.
4. Sam disappears.
The improvements/changes I will make is to show Sam’s change of heart after being a part of a horrific killing.
Beginning: Sam meets Henry questions why he came to same town of Almeda, GA.
Middle: Sam tells Henry to leave while he still has his life.
End: Sam dies.
Paul’s Story Beats:
1. Paul meets Henry; questions why Henry came to Almeda, GA. </div>
2. Paul and Lillian kill a neighbor.
3. Paul is questioned by police about the death of a neighbor.
4. Paul tells Lillian he wants her position.
5.Paul disappears.
6. Paul is found in The Devil’s PunchBowl and rescued by Henry and Jewel.
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The improvements/changes I will make is to show how Paul intends to undermine Lillian’s role as head of the town’s KKK chapter by promising positions to other members who want her gone.
Beginning: Paul meets Henry, questions why he is in Almeda, GA
Middle:Paul confronts Lillian, he wants her to retire, she’s getting old he can take over leadership of KKK chapter from now on.
End: Paul disappears, and later found in the Devil’s PunchBowl and rescued by Henry and Jewel.
</div></div>
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DAY 5 ASSIGNMENT: ELEVATE YOUR CHARACTERS’ STORIES
I’m still having trouble understanding the concept of beats and it’s hindering my ability to keep up with the assignments. I’m probably overthinking it. Below are my responses to questions No. 1 and No. 2. I have not been able to answer the later questions.
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Take your top five characters through this Character Beats process by following these steps.
1. Give us their Character Profile.
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
6. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and place that at the top of your work.
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CHARACTER PROFILES
Character: Det. Bob Stoughton
Role: Protagonist
Core character traits: self-reliant, intelligent, resourceful, brave, loyal, honest
Character subtext logline: Through his work, Stoughton wants to embody the ideals espoused by the Allied forces during the Second World War – saving the world from tyrants
Flaw: PTSD, nightmares, sometimes angers to the point of striking out
Want/need: to capture the sense of mission he felt as a combat soldier in WW 2
Mission/agenda: to solve a murder and make amends for bungling two cases
Character arc: Initially, his character is partly a façade – a goal more than a reality. Over the course of the story, the façade is challenged, but he proves to himself that he is the good cop and good man he wanted to be.
World view: People are inherently good; America is a beacon of democracy
Life metaphor/identity: a boy scout; the cowboy in the white hat
Secret: There’s an artistic, creative side to him that he keeps under wraps
Beginning: Stoughton fumbles two murder cases, the first when he fails to realize that one is a staged suicide by a Soviet spy ring, and the second when he is unable to stop a corrupt justice system from railroading an innocent man.
Middle: Stoughton has been suspended, lost his wife and seen the wrong man executed for one of the murders.
End: Stoughton uncovers the Soviet spy ring’s role in one murder, redeems himself with his department and ensures the family of the wrongly convicted man gets a degree of justice.
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Character: Ian Clark
Role: Antagonist
Core character traits: dangerous, unrelenting, self-possessed, intelligent, willing to kill, sociopathic
Character subtext logline: The world exists solely for his benefit
Flaw: Overconfident, believes he can get away with anything
Want/need: to control his own destiny and to control others
Mission/agenda: to steal nuclear sub secrets for the Soviets, while pretending to work for the Americans
Character arc: no change over the course of the story
World view: People are to be used
Life metaphor/identity: the thief in the night
Secret: ????????
Beginning: Clark heads the Soviet spy ring and might be the person who staged the suicide of a Columbia professor.
Middle: Clark fends off the FBI with promises of providing Soviet codes while actually stealing secret plans of the new nuclear sub.
End: Clark sets out to kill Stoughton when he realizes the disgraced cop is on his trail.
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Character: Det. Jack Harrison
Role: Mentor, older detective
Core character traits: patient, dedicated, honest, trustworthy, pragmatic
Character subtext logline: a peacemaker, works to smooth things over
Flaw: ??????
Want/need: to help folks who get a raw deal out of life
Mission/agenda: to do his job as best as he can
Character arc: no change over the course of the story
World view: People are basically good, and he can tolerate a little rule breaking
Life metaphor/identity: the older brother
Secret: ?????
Beginning: He’s the slightly older detective who befriends the younger, less experienced Stoughton.
Middle: He mentors Stoughton when the younger detective has doubts about his ability to do the job.
End: He provides verification that Stoughton has succeeded in solving the crime and is a good detective.
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Character: Lt William Raymond
Role: head of homicide department
Core character traits: tough, pragmatic, focused
Character subtext logline: Detectives will follow orders or be tossed out
Flaw: is so concerned with how his department is perceived he’s willing to let certain crimes go by the wayside.
Want/need: to control his department
Mission/agenda: to reduce the crime rate to bring credit to the department
Character arc: no change over the course of the story
World view: the world is not fair, and some innocents will get steamrolled
Life metaphor/identity: the difficult boss
Secret: ????????
Beginning: Is tough but hands off as Stoughton investigates murders.
Middle: Suspends Stoughton because he believes Stoughton has disobeyed his directives and brought disrepute on the department.
End: Reinstates Stoughton for solving a difficult case and busting a Soviet spy ring.
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Character: Dick Galbraith
Role: friend of Stoughton’s
Core character traits: mysterious, secretive, loyal to his friends
Character subtext logline: The world is a dangerous place
Flaw: ?????????
Want/need: to help Stoughton and keep him out of danger
Mission/agenda: to protect American military secrets
Character arc: no change over the course of the story
World view: The world is a dangerous place
Life metaphor/identity: the spy
Secret: we never find out which federal department he works for
Beginning: He’s a former war buddy and friend of Stoughton’s who works for a mysterious wing of government.
Middle: He assists Stoughton with key information about the Nautilus project but warns him to stay away from the Soviet spy ring because it’s FBI jurisdiction.
End: He confirms Stoughton was on the right track when he went after Clark, the head of the Soviet spy ring, even though the FBI warned him off.
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