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Lesson 15
Reply to post your assignment.
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4 Replies
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Jessica's Unique character dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is I didn't have much dialogue in the first draft, so I'm presenting the "after" dialogue".(In this scene, Joanna picks up her boxes containing her self-published kids book at the post office)
POSTAL WORKER
Signature.
JOANNA
You mean, autograph.She hugs the box.
JOANNA
My baby!***
BUILDING MANAGER
I'll come back later. Fix the faucet..
JOANNA
Can it wait? I'm leaving. tomorrow.
BUILDING MANAGER
(glancing at her baby bump)
If you wait too long, little problems become bigger problems.**
JOANNA
I love animals. I would never hurt an animal. But I don’t know what the fuck you are, so–Off she goes with the weedwacker.
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This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by j T.
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This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by
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Tasha’s Unique Character Dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is that just thinking taking a stab at rewriting dialogue from the profile always makes the line better. It’s so easy.
I think Bethany’s dialogue improved quite a bit and different facets of her character profile are more present. Deacon Anders’s dialogue is pretty consistent to his profile, but there are things in his profile that I made more evident through his dialogue because it helped with motivation and actually further set-up/paid off plot points.
Bethany’s Improved Dialogue
EXAMPLE 1:
BEFORE:AMY
So, it’s love or the convent?BETHANY
Yep.AFTER:
AMY
So, it’s love or the convent?BETHANY
I guess I could look for love among the nuns, but I’d have to cross a few lines.EXAMPLE 2:
BEFORE:
LIAM
(Slurring)
Hi Brenda.He slobbers a kiss “Hello” all over her.
BETHANY
Bethany.AFTER:
LIAM
(Slurring)
Hi Brenda.He slobbers a kiss “Hello” all over her.
BETHANY
You’re saying Brenda, but luckily I’m hearing Bethany.EXAMPLE 3:
BEFORE:
DEACON ANDERS
Only what I have been put on this Earth to do. My path is clear now. I know why I was made to carry the cross that is Bethany Sawyer.BETHANY
You think of me as a burden?AFTER:
DEACON ANDERS
Only what I have been put on this Earth to do. My path is clear now. I know why I was made to carry the cross that is Bethany Sawyer.BETHANY
You think I’m—You can play the martyr, but I am no cross to bear.Deacon Anders’s Improved Dialogue
EXAMPLE: 1
BEFORE:FATHER PTOLEMY
You brought a knife to an exorcism.DEACON ANDERS
It was necessary.AFTER:
FATHER PTOLEMY
You brought a knife to an exorcism.DEACON ANDERS
Like a good Boy Scout, I always come prepared!EXAMPLE 2:
BEFORE:DEACON ANDERS
On second thought, I recommend that you don’t contact him. But don’t worry, I’ll still pray for you.AFTER:
DEACON ANDERS
On second thought, maybe we should see all this…the laptop, Ben not working out, no one working out for that matter, as a warning, for you to stay away from Brad. Believe me, Bethany, it’s for your own good. I’ll still pray for you.EXAMPLE 3:
BEFORE:
BISHOP PTOLEMY
It looks like we’ve underestimated you. I’ve underestimated you, but I won’t make that mistake again.DEACON ANDERS
Thank you, that means a lot.AFTER:
BISHOP PTOLEMY
It looks like we’ve underestimated you. I’ve underestimated you, but I won’t make that mistake again.DEACON ANDERS
Thank you, Bishop Ptolemy, for finally realizing I’m worthy of your trust. -
Really love the new improved dialogue. Not only did you do a great job revealing the character through dialogue, but you did it in a way that adds more comedy to your horror comedy script. Great examples!
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Thank you for your feedback. I found Joanna’s new dialogue effective in establishing her passion and attachment to the things she creates. In this case, her self-published children’s book serves as a meaningful setup for how she will view her subsequent pregnancy. It’s a well-executed parallel.
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