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Lesson 3
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Alison's 'Bigger' Story
There's a lot here!!1. Brainstorm at least 5 ideas for each of these and select the one or combination you like best for your bigger story.
A. What interesting world could this movie/show be set in?
90s, Australia, suburban
Futuristic, spaceships
Prehistoric, cavemen
Modern day with social media
Part animation
B. What major conflict could be happening?
How do two cynical love deniers, trust that true love exists?
Two 20 somethings – she’s Jewish, a daddy’s girl, is fed up with bad blind dates, he’s Polynesian, a devout Evangelist, jilted twice, is fed up with romance.
Because the garden must be finished by a certain date, Ina ropes Dave into helping her since he’s driving her around anyway but Dave is not going to fall for that old trick again after all, women can’t be trusted.
Needs garden to be finished by certain date for a specific reason – maybe funding cut off for the rest of the nursing home and it must be finished by then to be eligible. This puts pressure on her. She brings it out on him.
She doesn’t want him to know that it’s too much pressure to date someone not Jewish and having him on the job is a lot of exposure with questions being asked..
She injures herself so he has to take over the job with her bossing him around.
Something or someone keeps vandalizing the garden.
He loses his licence so both are stuck.
C. What intriguing situation could these characters be engaged in?
Attending each others family functions keeping their relationship a secret.
Cultural differences that add to their issues.
Cultural similarities that allow them to see what they have in common.
2. Turn that bigger story into a 3-Act or 4-Act structure.
Act 1:
Opening
1990s, Ina, late 20s imagines her perfect life. A drop dead gorgeous boyfriend, a field of flowers, her parents smiling, their focus on his Star of David around his neck, Ina is swept off her feet, literally. Reality interrupts. Ina is in her mother’s garden, a rather ordinary looking man steps out followed by her mother. He’s wearing the Star from her dream. Mother: ‘Well if it isn’t… have you eaten?” Ina: “No mum, not him” or something not very nice to that effect.
Ina is in a series of matchmaking dates, she is rude and dismissive to all the suitors, her parents particularly her dad throws his arms up. She gives her dad a hug. Please dad, don’t set me up, I’ll find my own. Her grandpa: “There are plenty more fish in the sea yet to surface”. Ina : if there are plenty more fish, maybe they’re swimming on the other side of the bridge. Her parents give her a look. Grandpa whispers, don’t go there. She doesn’t need a man, she has her unit, her best friend, Shell, her florist business, her mother’s garden, and her family. Grandpa to parents: Maybe she’ll meet someone at her brother's Bar mitzvah next weekend. Ina: I heard that, they’re all schmucks.
Dave, early 30s, has a gorgeous face and muscular body. He’s large, reserved, has firm boundaries. He sings at a evangelist church with an even more gorgeous singing partner, his girlfriend. All the girls swoon. A series of dates with his girlfriend who tries to make him talk, she walks out on him at dinner, in bed, at the church. His grandma wacks him over the head, open up!
Ina visits her grandpa, he’s setting up a men’s drop-in shed. The building and garden are run down. There’s a gardening competition, first prize is money. Ina says she will beautify it and win. On her way home, a police car is behind her, siren on, her speed camera then goes off. Her licence is canceled. At home, her father tells her she needs a good Jewish husband, he’ll drive you wherever you want. Ina rolls her eyes.
Dave is in his unit with Mata, his best mate. Mata tells him he has to open up and speak to women. Dave doesn’t trust them, he’s been gaslit and made a mockery off one too many times. (montage of times)
Inciting Incident
Ina’s brother’s bar mitzvah, Ina and Shell, in an alcohol induced opinionated judgemental discussion about how all men are schmucks, the futility of love, that it’s impossible to find anyone decent, all the good ones are gone, need to look ‘across the bridge’ so to speak. They stumble into the hallway. Dave is standing there with his best mate Mata. They’re at a hair-cutting ceremony function next door. Mata discusses how women are like puff pastry, they look good on the outside but once you touch them, are flakey. Ina hears. What a schmuck! Dave asks what a schmuck is. You! A Loser. Ina continues on her rant about shmucks then is distracted by the flowers she arranged. She stumbles, Dave grabs her. Oh please, you’re kidding me right? He looks into her eyes, There’s an Officer and a Gentleman moment. Both dismiss the thought, exchange unkind words, walk back to their functions with a final word of contempt, then look back at different times.
Turning Point
Shell is in the shop, she dropped her off. Ina needs a van for a big delivery. She calls the customer, they say they will send a van. The van arrives, Dave gets out. Both Dave and Ina are cordial but stick it to each other. Dave’s grandma is with him. She smiles at the ranting. Dave drives Ina to the venue, his mother’s home, it’s her 50th. The grandma asks Ina to come inside. She winks at Dave, Dave makes wide syes – a definite, no. Ina makes wide eyes, a definite no. Grandma goes to wack Dave, he ducks, says okay. Ina reluctantly goes in and is warmly welcomed. She chats about how beautiful everything is and the food so good. They are intrigued she’s a vegetarian, how can someone not eat meat? Dave watches her, and is attracted. She catches a glimpse of him watching and smiles back.
Act 2:
New plan
Ina asks Dave, since he’s driving her with her deliveries, could he help her on Sunday with the garden at the men’s shed. She tells him about the shelter. Dave has church, did she want to come? She can’t, she may be struck down or something. He agrees to help after church. He doesn’t think he’ll be struck down.
Plan in action
Dave helps in the garden. She talks, he listens. He’s a schmuck, he definitely doesn’t open up, she can be so judgy. He likes how she’s kind to her grandpa. He asks her to a footy game. She is hesitant. She reminds them, they’re only friends. Dave thinks because he’s brown. Ina thinks her parents will disown her because he’s not Jewish.
The footy day goes well. Tell sher the story of Ina and the Shark.
Ina invites Dave to Friday night Shabbat dinner – as friends. Dave is frustrated.
More dates that compare cultural differences. His family eat with their fingers, her family eat with knife and fork. He cooks food in the ground. Her family in the oven. His family has extended family around all the time, everyone is called aunty and uncle… it’s complicated.
Ina asks about his tattoos, forbidden in Jewish culture, this leads to the first…
Midpoint Turning Point
… kiss. Ina stays the night with Dave’s.
Act 3:
Rethink everything
A. They have multiple insights into why things weren’t working – she is concerned he’s not Jewish, he’s concerned she could bail on him because her standards are so high.
B. They see that the Old Ways won’t cut it anymore. She can’t be judgemental. He can’t think all women are flakey.
C. They must up their game, which means they must change! Ina needs to be honest with her family. Dave needs to open up and trust her.
New plan
Is it time they let each other in? Ina tells Dave her grandpa is a holocaust survivor and preserving the religion is paramount. She owes it to him. Dave tells her he’s been stood up and treated pretty badly all his life because of (points to himself) this. Ina says really? It’s because of (she taps his heart), you won’t let anyone in.
They see what they have in common – family, extended family, community, stories.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Dave’s ex arrives on the scene. She promises him she is back for good. Dave appears to be in. Ina can’t compete with her looks. Her mum arranges new blind dates. This is where she is again.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Ina with a date, Dave arrives unexpectedly. Parents think this is nice of her friend to come again. Mother: ‘Well if it isn’t… have you eaten?” Dave to Ina: There is nothing with her. Ina says he’s Shell’s boyfriend. Parents are concerned about Shell’s parents, has she told them. She plays along, she doesn’t want Ina to tell the truth. The brother blurts out she saw Ina and Dave kissing. Parents see what’s happened. Ina accuses Dave of being a schmuck letting the cat out of the bag. Dave accuses her of being gutless, a hypocrite and not accepting him the way he is.
Dave leaves the house after putting out a small fire from the Shabbath candles. Father and mother in shock, look at grandpa for advice: if she’s happy, that's enough. Dave walks out. Grandpa tells Ina go get him, true love doesn’t come around all that often but when it does, grab it with that fishing line. (something to that effect)
Resolution
Ina takes her car, she has no licence, chases Dave. police stop her.
Dave sees in review mirror, turns his car around.
Ina explains her predicament to the police who recognize her, Dave offers to take her home. She apologizes to Dave but he was also not being truthful, why did he agree to see the ex? He’s sorry too, he wanted to tell her there’s no relationship and that he’s in love with someone else. She wacked him across the head. Ina says she’s sorry she lied. They kiss. Our kids will be cute…
Last scene is the mens shed, the garden is alive with flowers. There is a large menorah and a xmas tree, the food is brought up from the umu, they dance to hava nagila.
They won second prize – an inflatable castle. Grandpa and Dave’s grandma jump on it.-
This reply was modified 8 months ago by Alison Benson.
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This reply was modified 8 months ago by
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Bent’s bigger story
what i learned doing this assignment is ……….. i might be able to write a Hallmark movie or Lifetime movie. My focus is on the arc and the characters. I’m not thinking about special effects in this story. What I learned is I can write plot driven work.Act 1:
Opening – Tommy is at the plumbing shop and is given an assignment to visit a home.
Inciting Incident – He arrives and finds a leaking pipe that is severely flooding the basement. He calls for back up and his boss answers. The guy says he will be there to help.
Turning Point – Boss arrives and they both turn off the water and help drain the basement.
Act 2: The filipino family who called in the disaster are setting up a big dinner for later. The daughter sees Tommy and flirts with him. No one flirts with his boss which creates tension.New plan – Tommy doesn’t catch the flirting. The woman named Nimfa packs them both a lunch before they go. Tommy’s boss sees the flirtation and creepily acts like he’s the intended one.
Plan in action – Nimfa visits the plumber shop. Tommy is not there. The boss receives food for Tommy and a note from Nimfa. Boss takes it to the back office.
Midpoint Turning Point – He eats the food and crumples up the note after reading it.
Act 3:Rethink everything – Tommy arrives back to the office. He is unaware of the delivery from Nimfa. He sees consumed food that looks familiar. Something he ate before. Now he thinks his boss loves filipino food.
New plan – he comes back from a filipino restaurant with food for his boss and shares with his team.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – nimfa arrives to look for Tommy. She sees him and his filipino feast. She wants to know who gave all this food to him. She thinks there is another woman. Tommy doesn’t understand why she’s flipping out.
Act 4:Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Tommy doesn’t understand why he’s been yelled at by a beautiful woman over food that has nothing to do with her. He sulks in the office. Then he looks down and sees a crumpled note in the garbage can with his name on it. it is a note from Nimfa. The note tells him to enjoy the food and she wants to ask him out. The boss walks in. Tommy asks whats this. and where is the gift of dinner she delivered. The boss replies he ate it. And we can’t be flirting with clients. Tommy grabs a wrench and cracks the boss upside the head.
Resolution – Tommy pulls up to Nimfa’s home. He gets out and goes to the door. She opens it with family behind her. He presents the note and tells her what his boss did. He adds he would love to go out with her on a date. They hug.
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