-
Lesson 21
Reply to post your assignment.
-
3 Replies
-
Ron Neustrom – Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment was…a movie is really built around 4-5 scenes. (Robert Towne) This statement has stuck with me for years. Hal has shown what happens between those big reveal scenes. Building a DEMAND. COVER-UP. REVEAL. Jordan Peele has talked about comedy and horror connections and reveals. But I never knew how to do it properly. I would just REVEAL. The impact would be minimal, and I wasn’t in control of my art. This section for me has been the best tool I could ever have in my toolbox, and I think it is a skill that when done well, creates the separation between us and the rest of the pack. Thanks again Hal and SWU. You’re amazing.
Logline – Anna shares that her credit card has been stolen with her new boyfriend. She is unaware that he is the one who took it.
(Some necessary set-up information) The night before Anna and her two daughters spent a wonderful date boating with Gary. However, he was setting her up for the credit theft. He was almost uncovered when a previous victim tried to confront him. Anna saw it. He plays it off easily.
DEMAND – Anna finds her credit card compromised and asks her boyfriend for help solving what happened.
COVER-UP – My cover-up involves several scenes, and I chose to show this limited part. In the other portion we saw Gary set-up Anna by faking to forget his credit card and playing on her vulnerabilities as a single mother looking for love. He uses his charm with her daughters to appear sincere and trustworthy. For the audience, given my set-up, his actions twist the story in a whole new direction. But I think it strongly signals the intentions/conventions of my chosen genre.
REVEAL – Gary is a cold-blooded killer hiding in plain sight and artfully preying on vulnerable single mothers through their children.
EXT. CHULA VISTA MIDDLE SCHOOL – THE NEXT MORNING
Ana’s CAR settles into the unloading lane. She doesn’t say much to Jewel, 12 and Vivian, 13 as they escape through the back doors. They find their FRIENDS.
INT. ANA’S CAR – MORNING
ANA CRUZ, late 30’s, hurried and trying to get to work. She just dropped off her two daughters and is navigating the streets of San Diego.
Ana’s PHONE rings. She picks up.
ANA
This is her. Yes.After listening for a moment she PULLS HARD to the side of the road. Her car comes to a dusty halt. She reaches for her PURSE. Ana empties it on the seat. She rifles through the pile looking for her wallet.
Finds it. Looks for a CARD. Nothing. At least not what she is looking for.
ANA
No, it’s not here. What do you mean charges? I just used it once. Yesterday. What are they? Well obviously I haven’t been to Hawaii overnight. You know what…. I’m just going to come down to the bank. Thank you.She starts to cry. Then has a second THOUGHT.
ANA
Shit.She reaches down and picks up the PHONE. Dials.
ANA (leaving a message)
Gary this is Ana…I didn’t know who else to call. Someone charged on my credit card. Maybe someone from the restaurant. They said it might be fraud. They think I did it! I don’t have anyone else to call. Can you meet me at the bank? I can be there by 9.She hangs up.
EXT. NAVY CREDIT UNION – LATER
Ana enters the side parking lot. Looks around for GARY. At first she doesn't see him.
She starts to pick up her phone. The DOOR opens. GARY gets inside. GARY GILMOUR, 40, relaxed, controlling, unfazed.GARY
What happened?ANA
They called and said there was a problem with my credit card. Three thousand dollars in charges.GARY
Who were they?ANA
The bank.GARY
Banks… They’re all crooked.ANA
The card is missing.GARY
You had it last night. Did you come straight here?ANA
Yeah….wait…this morning…I did stop and file a police report.GARY
Let me see it.She rifles through her purse.
ANA
I know I had it.Ana stops her search for a moment…REMEMBERS something.
ANA
Who was that girl last night?She hands Gary the paper. He turns away reading the REPORT.
GARY
What girl?ANA
In the parking lot. She looked upset.She gets his attention.
GARY
Oh her…These people are mad around here. I parked in her spot by accident.He gives her back THE POLICE REPORT.
Gary has A STRANGE LOOK on his face as he turns his head to scan the parking lot. She is still checking her purse one last time.
He reaches into his jacket and takes out a HANDKERCHIEF. Suddenly…He covers Ana’s face with the CLOTH. She kicks a few times but the DRUG quickly takes effect. Her EYES gloss over and she’s out.
Gary pulls her LIMP BODY away from the driver’s side. He takes her place making sure she is secure in the passenger seat.
He takes the POLICE REPORT out of her purse and pockets it. Gary starts the CAR and disappears into the city streets.EXT. ESCONDIDO OCEANSIDE CLIFF – LATER
GARY gets out of the car. It is quiet, isolated.
ANA’S BODY is still limp as he pulls her back to the driver’s seat. He takes extra time to buckle her in and unearth any EVIDENCE left behind. He stares down the road. Empty.
The road is on top of a BLUFF that falls straight to the ocean. You can hear WAVES crashing against the rocky cliffs.
Without a second thought, Gary pushes the car and runs along side. It begins to gain speed. LAUNCHES. The SPLASH makes him look around. It floats for ten to fifteen seconds. Then takes in saltwater and disappears. We LINGER on the clear, blue water.
Gary continues down the quiet road unnoticed.
-
This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by Ronald Neustrom.
-
WOW! Each part is so clearly what it’s supposed to be for this assignment! Great job! Very exciting and such a twist at the end. Well done.
-
This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by
-
Title: Diane’s Reveal
What I learned doing this assignment was my original writing of the scene had the parts of demand, cover-up, and reveal, but they were all mashed together. By separating them out, the scene offers a more orderly effect while retaining my original story (that had undergone many revisions up to this point).
LOGLINE: While on his first hunt, young Jake faces the horrors of killing and discovers that in order to earn the respect of the hunting party, he must hide the trauma he feels.
SCENE
COVER-UP:
SUPERIMPOSE: “JULY 4 – PRESENT DAY”
EXT. EDGE OF A WOODLAND – DAY
The barrel of a .22 hunting rifle shakes in the hands of 10-year-old Jake. His target, a cottontail rabbit, sits on a fallen tree. Its eyes are alert. Its ears shift to pick up sounds of danger.
Jake moves a finger to the trigger. The eldest hunter, COLE’S GRANDPA, 68, whispers instructions.
GRANDPA
Steady. Big breath. Blow it out. Easy. Take your shot.Jake hesitates, shakes more. Takes a deep breath. Slowly breathes it out. He steadies his hold. Aims. Fires!
When the smoke clears, the rabbit is gone.
Grandpa takes the rifle from Jake as he runs to the log. He leans over the log to look for his prize and yells back to the hunting group, COLE, 10, Cole’s dad ALLEN, mid 30s, and Cole’s Grandpa.
JAKE
I got him! I got him!Jake, gleeful, reaches for his first kill.
DEMAND:
As he touches the fur, the rabbit takes a sharp breath.
Startled, Jake draws back his hand. His eyes widen. His breath catches in this throat and he freezes in shock and surprise.
He sees the rabbit’s flesh torn through by his shot. Frothy blood bubbles through the wound and oozes from its mouth and nose. Its eyes are wide as it gasps for air.
The rabbit seizes and spasms. Jake notices that she has recently nursed her babies. His shock leaks out via quiet words that catch in his throat.
JAKE
It’s a m-m-mom…She takes one more choking breath, shorter this time. Jake stares at her mutilated body and reaches again to touch her, comfort her. This time, she’s too weak to move. Her fur is warm and soft. He looks into her open eyes. Life fades. Now she’s dead.
A sob catches in Jake’s throat. Horrified, he can’t move.
Allen and Grandpa wait. An excited Cole runs up to Jake but doesn’t notice his turmoil.
COLE
Where is it?Jake reaches down to pick up the rabbit. Cole reaches past Jake. This is all going too fast.
Cole grabs the rabbit by its back legs and holds it up.
Jake, shaken by Cole’s rough treatment of the rabbit, reaches for it to hold it with more care as he rubs tears from his eyes.
REVEAL:
GRANDPA
Give him his prize, Cole.Cole swings the rabbit over to Jake who catches and handles it with gentleness. Grandpa notices Jake wiping his eyes.
GRANDPA
What’re you cryin’ about?Cole turns to look at Jake and laughs.
COLE
Geez, Jake. It’s just a rabbit. C’mon. Don’t be such a girl.JAKE
Shut up! I’m not. The smoke from the rifle got in my eyes.ALLEN
Bring him up, son. Let’s see him.Jake steadies himself. He holds the rabbit in both hands and turns to show everyone.
ALLEN
I got my first rabbit with that .22 and so did Cole here.COLE
So did Grandpa.ALLEN
Yup, you’re right. Grandpa did the same. That’s why we call her “Lucky.” Your dad will be proud of you, Jake. Your dad and I both got rabbits with Lucky. Partridge too, if I remember right.Jake, stunned to silence, barely listens to their chatter. He’s horrified.
Allen picks it up by the back legs and flips it to see the front and back. Jake’s eyes widen in disbelief and how harshly they handle her.
GRANDPA
Perfect shot too. Right through the heart and lungs. The pelt looks good. Those ragged edges can be mended.ALLEN
We’ll tan it and we can even frame it if you want. It’ll be a nice keepsake to remember your first kill.Allen hands it back to Jake.
As gentle as he can, Jake places it in the satchel he carries for this purpose. As he looks down at her at the bottom of the satchel, a tear drops and lands on her fur.
COLE
My turn!The hunting party continues along the two-rut road.
Log in to reply.